Personal self-worth is a structure that allows a person to live in harmony with himself and others. How does it manifest itself? Such an individual understands his value and the value of his people, does not allow anyone to offend him and does not harm anyone. He is self-sufficient, does not pursue ideals, does not adjust himself to stereotypes, and performs his chosen activity with attention and responsibility, as it brings him pleasure.
Definition of the concept
Self-worth is the phenomenon of a person’s complete acceptance of himself, characterized by a sense of his own harmony and integrity, self-confidence and adequate self-esteem.
Why is it needed?
It is much easier for a person who has the intrinsic value of communication and personality to live in this world: he does not become despondent from criticism from the outside, does not try at all costs to prove his point of view, and does not expect anything from others. He is full, confident in himself and his strengths, accepts himself for who he is and is ready to share his inner harmony with loved ones.
Self-worth: how to find support and support in yourself
Illustrative photo: Pixabay.com More and more people in the world experience a feeling of unfulfillment, feel unsuccessful and try to prove their worth to others.
Thetahealing coach and instructor Zhanna Tata explains on her Instagram blog why we doubt our own worth and what to do about it.
“Remember what you heard as a child: “get good grades, be the best, be active, show yourself and your talents.”
When we don't receive praise or approval, don't succeed, or don't live up to accepted standards, we feel inferior to others. It seems that we are missing something. But this is an illusion,” writes the specialist (hereinafter, the author’s spelling and punctuation are preserved - editor’s note)
According to the expert, healthy self-esteem involves realizing that we are all unique, but no one is special. No one is better than the rest.
Recognition of the self-worth of the individual
In contrast to the intrinsic value of human life, which is recognized in all legislative acts and in every religious denomination, insufficient attention is paid to the intrinsic value of the individual. The personal self-worth of both women and men allows them to accept themselves and others as they are, to change themselves only at their own request, and not in order to meet someone’s invented standards.
If the self-worth of the individual were accepted and recognized at the legal level, then it would be possible to create a society that is based on trusting relationships and open interaction. A person with a high level of self-worth is capable not only of creating harmonious relationships with loved ones, but also of awareness in behavior and professional growth. An individual with low self-worth can neglect important aspects in professional activity in the same way as he neglects himself.
What does self-worth mean?
Self-worth is a state of personality that includes emotions, attitude towards oneself, integrity and understanding of one’s image, self-acceptance, regardless of any factors.
This unshakable feeling is not about age, appearance, position, the presence of a loved one or children nearby, budget or tastes. This is about the inner core, awareness of your individuality and significance. These sensations are the basis for human interaction with the surrounding world and people. How a person manages life depends on this.
Self-worth is about how much I respect myself, consider myself worthy of attention and love, regardless of results or successes. It's about how I treat myself.
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The word “self-worth” contains the whole meaning: the value of oneself. Self-worth is not self-esteem. When you evaluate yourself, you are subconsciously preparing to criticize. Often people use self-esteem rather than self-worth, and, as a result, in adulthood they acquire “imposter syndrome”: they do not see their own achievements, they are dissatisfied with their appearance, thoughts, and ideas. People have been reproaching themselves for years, considering themselves unworthy of a good life, decent income, position, or partner.
Often society dictates to people who to be, what to work, how to dress and how much to weigh. It turns out that you need to become someone else - fashionable and relevant in order to be accepted in society. If you force yourself into a generally accepted framework and unwillingly agree to accepted standards, you destroy your self-worth and the ability to realize your inner potential.
Your self-worth suffers if you:
- you depend on people’s opinions, and your mood deteriorates when you hear someone else’s criticism or judgment;
- often feel like an insecure person;
- you try to be no better or worse than others, constantly evaluate yourself and the quality of life against the background of people;
- There is always something that prevents you from being happy with yourself.
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Self-worth is fine if you:
- you are not guided by people’s opinions: you can listen, take something important for yourself, but this does not affect your mood, attitude towards yourself or life;
- always confident in yourself. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but difficult periods of life or failures do not pull the rug out from under your feet;
- you help close people, but do not depend on them morally;
- you pay attention only to your own results and achievements in your work, do not try to be better than someone else and are not happy that you are no worse than others;
- nothing provokes your bad attitude towards yourself, you do not insult or offend yourself even mentally.
How to gain self-worth
How can women and men gain personal self-worth? The main direction of work is developing the ability to recognize one’s own desires, for starters, even the simplest ones. It’s worth regularly answering questions that are often written in children’s questionnaires: what is your favorite color? Favorite dish? What kind of people do you prefer? What irritates you? Be sure to ensure that the answers are sincere and do not strive for any ideals or stereotypes. Self-worth begins with knowing yourself, your desires, feelings and aspirations.
The next step is to reconsider your leisure time. It should be fun and not an automatic pastime. Let it be not just watching TV, but let it be the film that you like and evokes positive emotions; not just tidying up the sideboard, but learning a new technique for arranging objects. But this should come from desire, and not from existing frameworks. If everyone around is striving for career growth, and a person feels more comfortable in family life, then let him focus on it. You should not deny yourself the opportunity to live by your own rules. The main thing to remember is that these rules should not cause inconvenience to the people around you, since they also have their own intrinsic value and are not obliged to sacrifice it.
Next, you need to work with your own negative emotions. You need to understand your boundaries and learn to firmly refuse what you absolutely do not want to agree to. Don't force yourself to do something in order to please others. You can help them if necessary, but not to the detriment of yourself and your interests.
It is also necessary to get rid of guilt, especially if it is imposed by other people. It is important to learn to forgive yourself for minor offenses, letting go of the situation and allowing yourself not to return to it again and again. Sometimes you have to turn to psychotherapists for this.
Self-worth of a person
Natalia Velkova
Expert of the Republican Corps of Trainers and Experts
Self-worth is not how others see you. This is what we think about ourselves, how we treat ourselves, who we consider ourselves to be. When we doubt ourselves, it is difficult to achieve goals, career heights, and develop personally.
Only a person who values himself, is strong and confident, gets a huge piece of the pie from life: a well-paid job, a beautiful house, an expensive car.
We all come from childhood
This is where our attitude towards everything we see around us, and towards ourselves first and foremost, is formed. Our parents’ attitude towards us greatly influences us: what they called us, praised or scolded us, compared us with someone else or were proud of us. If from childhood our parents, teachers, grandparents constantly focused attention on our shortcomings, it is not surprising that over time our self-confidence gradually disappeared.
But there are no insecure people, there is a weak model “I am confident in myself.” A weak model is when we constantly broadcast doubts about our abilities, rather than self-love and the value of our achievements.
Self-dislike, in fact, affects all areas of life, including money:
- if we don’t value ourselves and our achievements, we cannot charge as much money for work as we truly deserve;
- if we don’t value ourselves, we allow people to manipulate us and we ourselves suffer from it. We often do this out of fear that people will stop communicating with us;
- If we don’t love ourselves just like that, then we can’t fully love other people. It always seems to us that we do much more for people than they do for us, we are always waiting for a response to our actions.
In a word: if we don’t love ourselves, we are simply not able to love, because we HAVE NOT GROWN UP A LOVER.
So let's raise her! First, a simple diagnosis to determine self-confidence. Take a sheet of paper, divide it into 2 columns and write down the phrases that match.
first column “UNCONFIDENT”
- Self-humiliation, excessive self-criticism, dissatisfaction with one’s actions;
- Increased sensitivity to criticism and the opinions of others;
- Indecision, fear of making a mistake;
- Inability to defend one's interests;
- Fear of expressing your opinion;
- Please everyone to your detriment;
- Fear of change (changing jobs, moving, traveling - any way out of the comfort zone);
- Guilt;
- Fear and anxiety when speaking in public.
Second column “SELF CONFIDENT”
- Boldly takes responsibility for his actions;
- Self-improves and moves forward;
- Sincere and open, inspires trust;
- Calmly accepts criticism and gratefully accepts compliments;
- Views failures as lessons and experiences. Doesn't give up;
- Knows how to praise himself and thank himself;
- Knows how to ask for help;
- He has a goal, takes actions that can lead to it;
- Knows his strengths and weaknesses. Knows how to use them for good.
I am sure you have found many signs of a successful person. But if you have the criteria from the first column, that’s okay. People often underestimate their capabilities and talents, and may not even know about them. I’ll tell you a secret: with self-worth and self-confidence, you can and should work to improve! There are a lot of ways. You may already know and practice some of them. Such as: affirmations, success journal, read motivational books, watch movies, follow the example of successful people.
Here is one of the options that once helped me.
“5 installations for a successful day to increase self-worth”
Stand in front of the mirror and say out loud to yourself:
- Everything is great with me. I'm awesome;
- I have all the resources to achieve any of my goals;
- There is a good intention in every action I take;
- At every moment I make the best choice for myself;
- Changes for the better are guaranteed. Because the Universe is abundant and it loves me!
The only downside to working on yourself is the lack of discipline. Have you often started a new life on Monday? The independent path to self-love can be long and thorny.
Self-worth exercises
In order for self-worth to form or develop, you can perform the following exercises:
- A person writes down on a piece of paper everything for which he is ready to forgive himself. At first it is quite difficult to do this, since as a result of the work of psychological defenses, it seems that there is nothing to forgive oneself for. But you need to make at least 10 points, even if they are as trivial as being a little late for work or accidentally pushing another person in the store.
- Make a list of your positive qualities. There can be an infinite number of them, the main thing is that the author really likes them. Ultimately, it may turn out, for example, that a woman really likes her brown hair, and for many years she has been dyeing it fiery red.
- Praise yourself. For different actions. Appearance, interesting ideas and more. At the same time, listen to the praise and compliments of others, learn to accept them without denying or trying to convince the speaker.
- Organize a space for yourself for your own pleasure and joy. Each person should have his own occupation and place where he feels as harmonious as possible, no one bothers him, and most importantly, no one condemns or criticizes. This should be a space in which you can do even things that your immediate environment does not approve of, for example, doing a manicure, even if in ordinary life your spouse calls it a waste of time and money.
- Restructure your life: leave a job you don’t like, minimize interactions with toxic people, give up unpleasant activities.
