Crisis of 7 years in a child: signs, advice for parents

If parents have already heard about such a phenomenon in a child’s life as the crisis of three years of age, then few know about the crisis of 7 years of age. Therefore, when a son or daughter of primary school age stops obeying, makes faces and is capricious, parents are lost and do not know how to react correctly. Some begin to use strict educational measures, others drag them to see a psychiatrist, believing that something is wrong with the child.

We invite parents to read this article and find out what a child’s 7-year-old crisis actually is.

What you need to know about the crisis period

Causes

In psychology, the age of 6-7 years is usually called critical or transitional. The child leaves preschool childhood, goes to school and enters a new, adult life. Now he has to sit in class, do homework, listen to the teacher and participate in school life. This is a serious test for a fragile child’s psyche. Remember how you felt when you had to change jobs or go to university. It is not easy and exciting for an adult to go through all this, but here we are talking about a small child who only yesterday was playing with cars in kindergarten and sleeping in a quiet hour.

Has your child just entered first grade? Especially for this case, we have collected the best tips and recommendations from a psychologist on how to help a child adapt to school.

But it is a mistake to believe that only entering school creates a crisis situation. The fact is that at this age a child acquires new qualities (in psychology they are called neoplasms), which will help him in the future successfully adapt to school life.

These include:

Arbitrariness of behavior

The child loses his childish spontaneity and becomes serious and focused. He learns to manage his behavior: he tries to do what is necessary, and not what he would like, to follow certain rules.

Awareness of one's own experiences

The child gets acquainted with his own inner world, begins to realize himself as an individual and his differences from other people.

Student's internal position

By the age of 7, the child gradually moves from play to learning activities. He tries himself in new situations, masters new forms of behavior. Yesterday's preschooler becomes interested in communicating with adults, discussing “adult” topics with them. Some begin to avoid the company of younger children.

Thus, the cause of the 7-year-old crisis is the formation of the child’s social “I”, the emergence of new social relationships with people around him, where he no longer acts as a preschooler, but as an adult.

Main signs of crisis 7 years

All changes in the child’s behavior can be divided into 3 groups:

Crisis symptoms of the first group are associated with violation and devaluation of the rules adopted in the family:
argues on any occasion, shows stubbornness;
refuses to comply with requests;
breaks toys, says that he is tired of them.
The second group of signs of an emerging crisis suggests a desire to imitate adults:
imitates adults;
asks to buy fashionable clothes and modern gadgets;
mood changes suddenly;
gets offended when people laugh at him or criticize him.
The third group of symptoms is associated with the child’s desire for independence:
enters into conversations with adults;
takes on new responsibilities.

If you notice one or more symptoms from each group, it means your child is going through a 7-year-old crisis. And all its manifestations that you observe are important for the development and maturation of the child.

Gender characteristics

Boys and girls experience the age crisis differently.

Psychologists agree that this period is more difficult for girls. A diligent student at school can throw tantrums at home and torment her parents with constant whims. Also, girls at this age compete for the attention of a teacher or a cute classmate, which can also lead to conflicts.

To help your daughter go through this stage of development safely, praise her more often for good grades and school achievements, take an interest in relationships with classmates, and do not criticize her desire to look “like an adult.”

Boys at the age of seven strive to prove themselves, to show that they are the bravest, the strongest and generally the best. Therefore, they often behave aggressively, bully girls and compete with each other. They are interested in the events happening around them, they strive to express their opinion on any matter and defend their position to the last. Problems in school for boys arise due to restlessness and inattention.

It is important to diversify a child’s school routine with hikes, trips, excursions, where he can throw out accumulated energy and gain new impressions. It is also important to pay attention to sports and outdoor games.

The crisis through the eyes of a child

To understand how a child feels during a 7-year-old crisis, you need to look at what is happening through his eyes. Here is the story of one seven-year-old boy:

"I am 7 years old. Now I'm an adult and go to school. I have a big briefcase and a nice uniform. I really like them. Mom now tells everyone that I have grown up. And I try to act like an adult.

Yesterday I decided to wash the dishes myself and accidentally broke my mother’s cup. My mother scolded me for a long time, saying that my hands were like hooks and there was no point in me getting in there since I didn’t know how to wash them carefully. But I can do everything, it’s just that the cup was covered in soap suds and slipped out of my hands.

The other day, friends came to see dad. They were talking about some candles and that dad's friend needed to replace them. I said that they also bought candles for me when I had the flu. Dad's friends laughed at me. It turned out that they were talking about spark plugs in the car.

We have a boy, Vova, in our class. He often fights and offends girls and laughs loudest in class, although the teacher scolds him for this. I want to be like Vova. When I told my mother about him, she replied that Vova is a hooligan and I shouldn’t be friends with him. And I said that I will still do it! Then my mother said that I was still small and didn’t understand much.

But how small it is, I’m already an adult! I go to school, do my homework, help around the house...”

Parents themselves often emphasize the child’s emerging “adulthood,” while continuing to treat him as a child. Conflicting conditions arise in which the child does not know what to do correctly. Either behave “like an adult”, risking becoming an object of criticism or ridicule, or remain in childhood, where mom and dad can solve all the problems for him.

What is the 1st year crisis?

In psychology, the prerequisites for the emergence of a crisis in the first year of a child’s life are:

frequent whims, the reasons for which are difficult to understand;
mood swings.

The baby is growing, becoming more independent every day. Now he stands firmly on his feet and sees the world around him from a completely different perspective. The little one believes that he has become big, that he is no different from adults. However, he continues to be treated like a baby. This contradiction gives rise to a child’s one-year crisis.

The one-year-old toddler is driven in his actions by his own momentary desires. But adults dictate rules and prohibitions to him. For almost every “I want”, the child hears “I can’t” from mom and dad. He does not understand what the prohibitions are based on, why he needs to obey the rules. He has a burning thirst for knowledge of the surrounding reality, which contains sockets, mobile phones, and sharp household objects. But as soon as you reach out to an attractive object, a stern voice immediately rings out: “You can’t!” The child's interest is not satisfied, he gets angry and cries.

How can parents survive this period?

The age crisis of 7 years in a child’s life becomes a crisis in the educational system of parents. Previous measures of influence applied to a son or daughter cease to be effective. Therefore, it is important for parents to show flexibility and reconsider their views on raising yesterday’s preschooler.

To begin with, stop overprotecting the child and provide reasonable freedom to the developing personality. But in order not to worry and continue to ensure the safety of your child, use the “Where are my children” application from the AppStore and GooglePlay. With it, you will always know where your child is, what he is doing and how things are going at school.

10 NOT for parents:

DO NOT try to place straws at every step of the child.
DO NOT overload with clubs and sections after school.
DO NOT force or put pressure on the child.
DO NOT criticize his friends.
DO NOT ignore your child's problems at school.
DO NOT scold or ridicule for mistakes and mistakes.
DO NOT speak negatively about the school or teachers.
DO NOT compare your child with other children.
DO NOT humiliate or physically punish.
DO NOT annoy you with conversations about the onset of “adulthood”.

The natural desire of all parents is to protect their child from all sorts of troubles in life. However, if you constantly monitor and correct his every step, then the son or daughter will never learn to live an independent life.

The most sensible thing parents can do during a 7-year crisis is to prepare their children to overcome difficulties on their own.

10 POSSIBLE for parents:

Spend more time with your child.
Show your love for your son or daughter with hugs, kisses, and words of encouragement.
Allow the child to solve problems himself, where he can do it.
Accept the child's individuality.
Help you gain self-confidence.
Talk on any topic.
Listen carefully without interrupting.
Leave time for games.
Laugh and have fun together.
Help with homework, but only if the child asks.

Consequences of the crisis

The outcome of the 7-year-old crisis largely depends on the competent behavior of the parents.

If mom and dad can choose the right parenting strategy and calmly accept all changes in the child’s behavior, then after the end of the 7-year crisis, he will have formed:

positive attitude towards school and educational activities;
new social role;
desire to learn new things and gain knowledge yourself;
friendly relations with classmates;
respect for the teacher;
the ability to act according to the rules, set goals and achieve results.

If parents are overly demanding of the child, pay great attention to academic performance and ignore other school problems, then the child may experience a phenomenon called school maladjustment. It manifests itself in:

loss of interest in studies, low performance;
lack of self-confidence, decreased self-esteem;
conflicts with teachers and classmates;
physiological problems, such as sleep and appetite disorders, fatigue, headaches.

Neoplastic crisis 7 years

Readiness for school is the main result of the 7-year crisis. This is a complex phenomenon that helps the child initially adapt to school. Psychologically, two components can be distinguished.

Personal readiness

As a rule, seven-year-olds have already developed a sense of self-respect, adequate self-esteem, and a system of ideas about themselves. The child is capable of empathy and reflection. The position “I am a student” has been formed, positive ideas about school, there is no fear of the educational process. All this helps to establish new contacts with both adults and children, to defend one’s opinion and position.

Psychological or intellectual readiness

This is a readiness to master educational material, which covers all aspects of the psyche.

This is a set of knowledge, skills and abilities necessary to begin educational activities. These include

ideas about the surrounding world;
elementary mathematical concepts;
basic grammar;
level of development of mental processes;
fine motor skills, coherent speech.

This also includes emotional-volitional readiness, which presupposes the child’s ability to control his actions, follow the instructions of an adult, etc. The final psychological readiness for school is formed in the process of learning itself.

The main personal new formation is considered to be the emergence of an “internal position” as a central systemic formation. At the age of 7, the child begins to perceive (and experience!) himself as a social individual. There is a need for a new position in life and socially significant activities that can provide this position.

The emergence of an inner life means that the child is already capable of introspection. The baby is aware of his experiences, navigates them and is able to generalize them. Thanks to this, the child can already determine exactly what he likes and what he doesn’t, without relying on the opinion of a significant adult.

Psychologist's advice

The 7 year crisis is a necessary stage in the development of a child. Therefore, it is important for parents to be patient during this period and choose the right parenting strategy:

ask your child’s opinion on family issues, consult with him;
praise your child for specific achievements and support him in his endeavors;

Parental support is necessary for a child at any stage of life. Don't turn a blind eye to problems at school and with your classmates, even if they seem insignificant to you. It can be a real tragedy for a child if the teacher calls him a slob in front of the whole class or if a classmate trips him up during recess. This is especially true for anxious, timid and shy children.

Discuss school life with your child, not just grades. What traditional questions do parents have when their son or daughter comes home from school? That's right: what did you receive today and did you get any bad marks? But you can ask what new and interesting things the child learned during the day, what lesson and what teacher he liked the most, and many other more important things than grades;
Does the child want independence? Provide it. Let him pack his briefcase, prepare his homework, and set the alarm clock without a reminder. This is his area of responsibility;
as in any other period of age crisis, be consistent. If you prohibit something, it means you always prohibit it, under any conditions;
Don’t make your child a hostage to your unfulfilled desires. If you sit with him until the night studying, forcing him to redo it again and again at the slightest mistake - this is your ambition. If a child wants to play football, and you send him to dance because you dreamed of doing it yourself, these are also your ambitions. Let your son or daughter live their own life: choose hobbies to their liking, make mistakes, experience the world from their own experience;
A clear daily routine will make both your life and your child’s life easier. The time you use gadgets should also be limited;
A 7-year-old already faces a lot of demands at school. In response to your “must”, “quickly”, “did”, he may show a sharp negative reaction. Therefore, try to convey information in the form of requests and in a calm tone;
Don’t focus on your child’s mistakes. Only the one who does nothing makes no mistakes;
If the symptoms of a 7-year-old crisis are pronounced, the child does not want to go to school, behaves aggressively and is rude, seek help from a school psychologist.

The 7-year-old crisis is a completely natural event in a child’s life. Research by psychologists has long shown that those children who had obvious crisis symptoms subsequently adapted better to school than those who had “erased” symptoms. Therefore, there is no need to be afraid of age-related crises. This is another step in your child’s development, which will help him become more mature!