Crisis Irina Vasilyeva The complexity and depth of men's experiences are rarely taken seriously by the average person. The image of a real man: this is an imperturbable warrior, a steadfast and reliable friend, a knight without fear or reproach. Most men in the post-Soviet space, not succumbing to the influence of LGBT communities, try to adhere to a brutal image. But under the harsh shells hide sensitive and vulnerable souls. The crisis of 30 years in men is a test of strength not only of the man himself, but also of those around him. What do you need to be prepared for so that a crisis period does not take you by surprise?
Good afternoon, dear reader! Today we will lift the veil of secrecy and take a look where only those closest to us are allowed: into the very essence of the severe male crisis that overtakes the stronger sex at the age of about thirty.
Symptoms
Unlike emotional and talkative women, men's crises proceed silently, “gritting their teeth.” In our tradition, it so happens that it is indecent for the stronger sex to publicly show their weaknesses: tears, crying, confusion, uncertainty. Yes, and unpublicly too.
Even such emotions as sadness, officially approved by society, when performed by men should look with a slight shade of severity on a manly face. Therefore, I will divide the symptoms into external and internal. Men themselves respect the internal ones, and the external ones will reflect those characteristics by which it is possible to notice the onset of a crisis period for close people, for example, a spouse or sister.
Internal manifestations
One warm summer morning, or perhaps a cold autumn evening, a man suddenly realizes that “the main thing was missed,” “he didn’t do the most important thing,” or “I didn’t even notice how something went wrong.” There are many options for verbal interpretation, but the essence is the same:
in an already established life paradigm, a man suddenly becomes unbearably cramped and bored.
And if at the same time he has a wife who creates restrictions in every possible way (“Don’t go there,” “Don’t throw your socks away,” “Clean up after the cat”), then melancholy simply envelops the gentle male soul in black darkness.
A man, on the one hand, understands that everything seems to be fine, but, on the other hand, having realized himself at this stage of life, he automatically moves to a new stage of search. The creation of circumstances conducive to the maximum realization of what you dreamed of in your youth begins. Something that was pushed “to the back burner” due to some life circumstances.
All these mental tossings create a certain minor mood background that loved ones can pick up.
External manifestations
Most often, the crisis of the thirties overtakes men in the period from 28 to 33 years. Relatives, and especially spouses, may note the following signs:
Dissatisfaction with self-realization
In words, actions, deeds, the devaluation of all one’s previous merits is clearly visible. Such signals do not mean at all that he has stopped loving the child, wife and dog (although, in the case of a wife, there are exceptions). It’s just that “the soul asks for flight.”
If a wise spouse does not want the marriage to be destroyed, then she can provide space and simulated flight. We are not talking at all about “understanding and forgiving” amorous adventures, we are talking about something else. About the fact that you still have to “lose your grip and control.”
Commitment to a fundamental lifestyle change
This may look like the emergence of an unusual hobby, new friends, interests. Trying to overcome incomprehensible spiritual yearnings, a man “searches for himself” and reevaluates his previous choices: family, career, life goals.
Begins to “live in the future,” leveling the achievements of the past
Often a person is very worried about the fact that he has “not achieved anything.” But, if in middle age (crisis of 40 years) this can lead to depressive tendencies, then at 30 years old it is an incentive for new achievements.
In fact, the crisis of the thirtieth birthday is the transition to real adulthood, the “golden age”, the period of highest performance and achievements. After its completion, a new, interesting, emotionally rich life begins, qualitatively different from the previous period.
Men in their 30s...
What do they want, what do they strive for and in what direction do men at 30 think? We invite you to figure it out together!
Steve Harvey is an actor, writer, and best-selling author of Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man and You Don't Know a Thing About Men.
Usually at this age a man no longer builds a career - he strengthens it, trying to reach the desired level of wealth and achieve at least some of the goals outlined in his maximum program. The chaotic lifestyle and pursuit of pleasure, characteristic of youth, pass into the category of “what was.” We are also calmer about the fact that we will soon have to stop chasing every skirt, because, in fact, we have already received everything that can be gained from this activity, and the hunting passion is gradually subsiding.
The man manages to understand that he should look for a woman who will not turn life together into a drama, but, on the contrary, will try to make it fun and easy. Such a woman will support him in difficult times and will be faithful to him. If he finds her, he will want to take responsibility for her and the children.
Of course, a lot depends on the age at which a man thinks he became successful. If he is still around thirty, and success has already come, a man begins to think about marriage soon after turning thirty. But if the thirty-year mark has been reached, and success has not yet come, the man will not even think about getting married. The main thing for him will remain observing the success of others and looking up to people whose well-being differs from his current situation.
What does this mean for relationships?
The most important trait of a thirty-year-old man is responsibility. You have the right to expect that your partner is committed to a long-term relationship. However, you should not wait for him to take the initiative. There are many women in the world who dated men, decided at some point to have an intimate relationship with them and waited for a marriage proposal for many years. They hoped to receive reciprocal love and devotion, and then discovered that their men were simply not interested in marriage.
Why are mature men more scrupulous in choosing a girl?
- Great life experience. In most cases, older men already clearly understand which companion he needs and which one is absolutely not suitable. And often in these cases people do not want to compromise because they understand that it is pointless. Therefore, they are constantly looking for the girl who would suit them.
- Not much time to search. This point partly overlaps with the previous one. When a young guy is looking for a girl at twenty, he believes that he still has his whole life ahead of him, that he can experiment and make mistakes. A middle-aged person has a more sober view of things. If he decides to settle down, he looks for a girl with whom he would spend his whole life. He has neither the strength, nor the time, nor the desire to “sort out options.”
- Bad experience. This point does not apply to all people, but it does exist. If a person has had a sad experience in the past, then he will become more picky in search of a new lover, so as not to repeat old mistakes and not cause himself new pain.
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How does the crisis manifest itself after 30 years?
Crisis is a condition that occurs in men who have reached the age of 30. However, this does not mean that as soon as you turn 30, this problem immediately comes. The crisis may happen earlier, or maybe a little later. As a rule, it comes on smoothly. How do you know if you're in a 30-year crisis?
Since the main thing for a man is to succeed in life, he is most focused on his career. And by the age of 30, he often feels dissatisfied with his job. He may not be satisfied with the salary, work environment, schedule and other aspects. At the same time, there is a feeling that the person is imperfect, that much has been missed in life and nothing can be changed. It is also often observed that men who previously led an active lifestyle switched to the sofa and watching TV. And those who are married often have thoughts about having an affair on the side in order to increase their confidence.
Representatives of the stronger half of humanity often suffer from depression, insomnia, chronic fatigue, increased levels of anxiety, as well as fear of the future.
Reasons for loneliness of 30-year-old guys
You can name at least 8 simple reasons why after 30 years guys are not looking for anyone.
Reason 1 – lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem
An insecure guy is afraid that his girlfriend will leave him. At a subconscious level, unhealthy jealousy arises and panic attacks begin to overcome. Every day there are more and more insecure guys, especially among users of social networks and dating sites. On such sources, a person compares himself with another person who may be more attractive or more successful. To increase self-esteem, psychologists recommend stopping comparing yourself with other people, deciding on life goals, and engaging in less self-criticism.
Reason 2 – unattractive appearance
Everyone knows the proverb “You are greeted by your clothes, but you are seen off by your mind.” The first impression of a person is based on his appearance. Of course, beauty standards change over the years, and unlike women, guys simply do not have time to adapt to them. You can learn how to look attractive from the Internet. Guys should also pay more attention to how other members of the stronger sex dress. Don't forget about charm and charisma.
Reason 3 – first impression
According to scientists, guys who don't know how to flirt are more often doomed to loneliness. To get rid of the “bachelor” status, you need to learn how to charm girls. Along with charm, self-confidence will appear. A charming person is not afraid to lose, to find himself in a stupid situation, or to admit his mistakes. He boldly asks questions if he doesn’t know something, always keeps up conversations, easily remembers names and smiles sincerely.
Reason 4 – very busy
In the modern world, people have learned to work at any time and anywhere. Thanks to developing computer technologies, it has become possible to work and, for example, travel at the same time. However, the person still has not learned to devote more time to family and active time with friends. Some people deliberately overload themselves with work in order to escape loneliness, anxiety and fear. Psychologists recommend that overly busy people ask themselves a simple question: where and why am I in a hurry?
How do women evaluate men - before and after 30? The Unpleasant Truth
Absolutely every woman remembers a moment in her life when something seems to click in her head, and her thoughts begin to work hard in a completely different direction than before. This is the same reassessment of values when you begin to relate differently to the world around you and make new demands on yourself.
When you begin to realize that the world works differently than it seemed before, and to some extent show dissatisfaction with your own life. This usually happens around the age of 30, so women at this age have very different views on men than before. Here's how women rate men before and after their 30s:
His devotion
Girls under 30 are usually very jealous and possessive towards their partner. They forbid even looking in the direction of another woman, not to mention the fact that a man suddenly shows any signs of attention. All this is due to self-doubt and uncertainty that permeates their entire life.
Ladies over 30 rarely waste their time on such actions, which they consider completely useless and degrading to their dignity, because they are self-sufficient and know their worth.
His obligations
Until the age of 30, a woman sets a clear condition for a man that he must be exclusively hers, always nearby and only together. They spend all their free time together, not even imagining that it could be different.
A person over 30 values personal space and her own freedom much more, so she immediately lets her boyfriend know that she needs to rest alone and be without him. And no hard feelings, of course.
His respect
As a rule, girls under 30 put their desires and needs at the forefront of relationships, showing selfishness and demanding that the man give in, meet halfway and push himself into the background. This seems completely normal, and the fair sex may not even understand that she is offending her other half.
Women after 30 already have life experience and wisdom behind them, so they are able to respect their partner, appreciate his interests and desires, give in and meet halfway, which is very important for a harmonious union.
His compliments
Until the age of 30, a girl waits for external confirmation of her own beauty, uniqueness and attractiveness. Compliments, praise and pleasant words from a man addressed to her are all a kind of litmus test by which she evaluates herself.
A woman after 30 does not need support from the outside and odes of praise from her partner at all. She is confident in herself, has not suffered from complexes for a long time, knows her own strengths and does not care about the opinions of others, even if it is her other half.
"He must…"
Until the age of 30, women in relationships take away more than they give something. They constantly demand something from a man, make claims, issue ultimatums, believe that a man should love, carry in his arms and provide, while they themselves are in no hurry to respond in kind.
People over 30 approach relationships with men in a completely different way. They want not only to consume and take, but also to share what they have, to create and build together. This is a much healthier and harmonious version of a union in which a woman and a man complement each other, without considering that anyone should.
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Why do some people want to settle down so late?
In fact, there is no single answer to this question. Each person has their own motivation. Some people want to “walk around” when they are young, others study and build a career, they have no time for relationships, others only after thirty understand that they, in principle, need a relationship. Each is individual, and each has its own story. However, one thing is for sure - middle-aged men are much more responsible when choosing a soul mate. And there are several reasons for this.
Signs that your man is mentally exhausted, which, if you notice, you can help him
