How to restore harmony in relationships. Crisis 5 years of marriage.

As you know, family life has stages. And when moving from one to another, they may be accompanied by crises. So one of the most important transitional stages of family life is the 5-year crisis. At this time, many different omissions and claims of spouses towards each other accumulate in the relationship. Relationships often become strained due to everyday problems and problems associated with the appearance of children in the family. Many people understand that something needs to be done about this. But they don’t always understand how to restore the relationship to its former harmony.

Therefore, let's figure out what this 5-year crisis looks like and what to do with it.

Signs of a 5-year crisis.

If you believe the statistics, then most often during this period it is the woman who initiates the divorce. By the time the crisis began, the woman had already experienced several life roles: she was already a young and inexperienced housewife, became a mother, and experienced all the hardships of caring for a baby. After finishing her maternity leave, she went back to work. Now she not only has to run a household, take care of her child and husband, but also try to move up her career ladder, not forgetting about personal growth. All this at once and at the same time. The woman is under constant extreme stress.

A man may not immediately notice the tension in his wife’s condition. It seems to him that nothing much has changed. Therefore, he is in no hurry to help. And when he understands the essence of what is happening, it is often too late. The woman is already too tired and unsatisfied. And this condition pushes her to search for new sources of energy.

If there is no longer trust in the relationship between spouses, or the man refuses to acknowledge the existence of serious changes in his wife’s life, then the woman experiences internal aggression towards the external circumstances of her life. As a result:

Her sexual activity decreases, to the point of her husband completely ignoring her in this regard;
There appears a great desire for rapid career growth, which borders on painful workaholism;
May stop paying attention to his appearance;
Becomes prone to flirting, which can lead to betrayal.

The main problem of this period is that spouses cease to be interested in each other's lives and concerns. Everyone is only interested in their own personal problems. The woman no longer hopes that her husband will be able to hear and understand her. Therefore, he gradually begins to move away from him and seek support and consolation in other areas of his life, where there is an opportunity for fulfillment.

How to understand that a crisis is coming?

The first symptom of the onset of a 5-year crisis will be the appearance of irritation between spouses towards each other, which leads to frequent protracted scandals for no apparent reason. At the same time, both have a positive attitude towards communicating with strangers.

Besides:

Lost sexual attraction to spouse:
Aggression and a desire to belittle the partner’s dignity appear:
The desire to please your husband disappears;
Important decisions are made individually;
From time to time there is a desire to do something bad to your spouse.

At this time, the spouses “withdraw” into themselves and stop communicating with each other, even if there is no reason for this. They plunge into a state of mental laziness and apathy. But this condition can go away if the spouses take a break from each other for some time.

What will help?

Of course, every family's situation is unique. It is necessary to take into account the age of the spouses, personal characteristics, activity, involvement in family life, hobbies, psychosexual type and much more. But if we talk about the possibility of giving general recommendations, then they could be like this.

A crisis is an opportunity.
You can raise topics that you have been silent about for years, talk more openly about your desires and expectations. By engaging in confrontation, you increase the degree of communication, which helps you concentrate on each other, and not on external objects. You should not treat the crisis as the beginning of the end. See it as an opportunity to reach the next level.
Sense of humor.
You will need it more than ever! In the most difficult moments, try to describe them from a humorous point of view, like a feuilleton. Don't forget that laughing together is a wonderful way to accumulate general positive emotions and discharge negative ones. Watch family comedies from the lives of mature couples, recognize yourself in the types and situations and laugh heartily!
Get to know each other again.
Do you both feel like this is a complete stranger in front of you? Well, good: get rid of boredom! It's time to get to know each other again. Play a game of truth or dare where you can ask each other questions that will reveal a new side to your characters. Watch each other. In general - talk, communicate, be interested!
Leisure: together and separately.
It is very important that a woman sometimes spends time with her friends, just as a man spends time in his own circle. Then you return refreshed, with new impressions and are ready to continue the relationship. Remember that giving up your personal hobbies is not valor. But joint leisure is no less important, as it saturates the marriage with new positive impressions. Therefore, going to the theater, going for a walk, or traveling is finally possible together, without children!
Sex - yes!
Sexual life is one of the foundations of marriage. As long as it persists and creates satisfaction, the marriage has a strong foundation. There's no need for exotic things now: the time for sex in an elevator may be over. During this period, people, as a rule, already prefer convenience and comfort. But you again have a lot of time to be together, outside of the every-minute worries about the children.
Appearance is important!
For women, this is a time for pleasant restorative procedures, thoughtful shopping, and honing their image. Be sure to upgrade your wardrobe (especially at home). There is no need for provocative ruffles and feathers - they can scare an unprepared man. But an attractive and well-groomed appearance is required. You may also need to think about what your husband looks like. Can you be sexually attracted to sweatpants with cute holes and a tank top? If not, it's time to create an image for your husband that could make him more attractive in your eyes. Get rid of the idea that if you look good, you will definitely be taken away. After all, the fire in a wife’s eyes is a wonderful aphrodisiac for a husband. And as a “side effect” - the disappearance of thoughts about going to the left.

What causes changes in relationships?

During the onset of a crisis, all its signs begin to appear increasingly. And the worst thing is that all the quarrels that occur at this moment happen over minor trifles. In normal times they could have been easily avoided. The relationship between spouses at this time is influenced by factors such as:

The routine of family life, lack of variety in family life. Every day is similar to the previous one. Further life together seems unpromising;
Reluctance to accept a partner as he is. Spouses, without hesitation, throw offensive words. Behavior changes dramatically, becoming provocative and negative.
Lack of holiday expectations in relationships. Spouses lose the desire to give gifts to each other and arrange pleasant surprises. Everything that previously made them so happy and brought them closer together has now faded into the background.
The wife is completely immersed in caring for the child and stops devoting time to her husband. The husband, in turn, begins to experience dissatisfaction, which can even be expressed in jealousy towards his own child.

The crisis period of 5 years in a marital relationship is especially difficult if the family has a difficult financial situation or one of the spouses (and possibly both) are in a state of constant stress due to work issues. Thus, internal turmoil intertwines with external factors, causing even greater conflicts.

A difficult age

Every person goes through their own crises associated with age.
For example, the well-known midlife crisis, or midlife crisis in men. It is due to the fact that from the age of 40 (although for some people the dates may move forward by 5-10 years) hormonal changes begin. Sexual desire decreases, the severity of love experiences decreases. In addition, at this age a man experiences a so-called crisis of meaning. He begins to overestimate his own achievements and goals, gets rid of the illusions of youth, and feels a slight slowdown in the pace of life. People react to all this differently. Some try to repress thoughts about age by making young girlfriends and going all out, deciding on risky adventures or breaking off long-term attachments. Others withdraw, become suspicious and prone to groundless conflicts.

The main thing a man experiencing a midlife crisis needs to do is accept himself at a new age, in a new capacity. Try to see yourself not as you want, but as you are at the present moment.

“In the situation of this crisis, the most important thing is what a person has acquired by this age, acquired morally,” says Elena Berezhkovskaya. — Self-reflection will be successful if a person has something to show, has something to justify the years he has lived. This includes spiritual growth, relationships with friends, family, children and much more. This point is very important. Anyone who successfully overcomes the age crisis makes serious progress in self-development.”

Women also experience an age crisis. However, it passes more smoothly, and this is explained by biological reasons. A woman is by nature more stable and less susceptible to change. Men move forward evolutionarily and are more exposed to risks (therefore, disorders such as stuttering, strabismus, and mental illness are several times more common among them). The so-called maternal effect, manifestations of which geneticists have found in animals and even in plants, forces women to preserve, “keep” the gains of evolution.

What to do to cope with the crisis?

How to restore the former attractiveness of a relationship? It is very difficult. Especially if only one spouse is interested in this, and the second refuses to meet timid attempts to improve the relationship. It may be necessary to make a large number of attempts to restore harmony, first of all you will be able to stir up the passive spouse. The first time will be very difficult. But if you want to save your family and improve relationships, then you should take the following steps:

Start caring for your child together. Arrange an exciting joint photo shoot, games with the participation of all family members;
Find a hobby that will interest both of you. Joint activities will provide an opportunity to get closer;
Be sure to organize joint trips to the movies, parks, and so on, at least once a week;
There should be no refusal of intimacy in a relationship. No matter what happens between you, satisfying each other should be in the foreground.

As you can see, a crisis appears when spouses get used to each other and begin to set priorities incorrectly, putting personal interests and their work in the foreground, and pushing the concerns of their partner to distant positions.

How to save a marriage after a 5-year crisis: 13 basic rules and tips

According to psychologists, all families must go through several stages of development. Their change is often accompanied by a period of crisis.

To avoid family breakdown and improve relationships, you need to learn how to manage these stages. One of the most important crises is the 5 year crisis.

Everyday life, the birth of a child, difficulties at work, dissatisfaction with the financial situation, monotony in sexual relationships, accumulation of mutual grievances, conflicts with relatives, lack of common interests and new emotions are some of the main reasons for the onset of a crisis of 5 years in marriage.

Before you begin working to eliminate the five-year crisis itself, it is important to identify the signs of its onset:

Indifference or unmotivated irritation towards a partner.
Reduced need for intimacy.
Lack of desire to please your loved one.
Frequent reproaches and mutual criticism.
Reluctance to discuss your problems or plans with your partner, or to spend free time in each other’s company.

To save a marriage and renew a warm relationship, you need to adhere to certain rules and recommendations:

Maintain open communication. Less formalities, more sincerity, compliments and positive emotions.
Look for common hobbies or activities.
Accept a partner with all positive and negative character traits. Show respect for him. The desire to remake a person “for yourself” will only aggravate the conflict.
Learn to sincerely thank your loved one for any good action.
Do not ignore the desire to show physical attraction to each other (kisses, hugs during meetings and partings).
Use possible compromises during quarrels, solve problems as soon as they arise.
Give more free space to your spouse - traveling with friends, new hobbies, hobbies.
Divide responsibilities around the house so that both family members can take a break from everyday problems and spend more time together.
Confidentiality. Never share your marriage problems with relatives or friends.
You need to learn to show more patience with your partner in critical situations.
Always remind yourself of the positive traits of your significant other.
Dream together about the future. This action will help you get closer and bring back the former romance in your relationship.
If all the previous methods did not bring the desired result, the two of you should contact a family psychologist.

It is important to remember one more main rule - you should not be afraid of a five-year crisis in family life. If you deal with it in a timely manner, the relationship will reach a new level of development.