Sooner or later, every person at least once in his life will encounter such a feeling as jealousy. The problem of jealousy affects a large number of people. What is the nature of this feeling? Is jealousy a sign of love? Or a symbol of human selfishness? In any case, this problem is of colossal proportions. Almost every women's magazine publishes at least one jealousy test. Glossy publications are full of articles about this feeling. Jealousy, quotes about which can be found in almost any book, has become a part of human life. Where will this feeling lead us? And is the statement “jealousy is a sign of love” true? Let's understand the nature of this feeling.
Jealousy - what is it?
The feeling of jealousy itself is destructive. It is based on dissatisfaction, self-doubt, mistrust or the desire to take revenge on another person. The attitude of a man towards a woman is often accompanied by similar emotions. What does this mean? That jealousy is a sign of a man’s love or a sign of his lack of self-confidence? In most cases, any manifestation of this feeling is an explosive cocktail of several emotions. The jealousy of a husband, wife, children or girlfriend, intertwined with other negative feelings: resentment, anger, melancholy, loneliness, pushes a person to commit actions that often have unpleasant consequences. Therefore, you need to find the strength to curb it.
Nina, 40 years old, teacher
If a person is jealous by nature, he will always find a reason to be jealous. He does not need evidence, he is not convinced by any reasonable explanation. From any, even the most harmless fact, he draws conclusions that he is being cheated on. Thoughts about his partner’s infidelity haunt him constantly. Jealousy does not allow him to think about anything else. He becomes so fixated on his suspicions that he can no longer sleep peacefully or work. Mythical betrayal turns into an obsession, and a person lives only by his suspicions. Is it normal? This is some kind of mania! She needs to be treated! Another thing is that not everyone’s jealousy takes on such proportions. But it seems to me that if you “give yourself free rein,” your distrust of your loved one will begin to grow every day. You will unwittingly find more and more confirmation of your thoughts. So, in my opinion, you need to try to drive away such feelings from yourself. Learn to trust your loved one, and your relationship will become much stronger.
Is jealousy a sign of love?
Many believe that this feeling is one of the many manifestations of love. But is it? Of course, we will only be jealous of those people who mean a lot to us. However, if a person experiences such a feeling, this does not mean that he loves. Consequently, jealousy has some other origins than love. A simple jealousy test will help you understand what caused this feeling. After you notice even a small amount of jealousy in yourself, conduct introspection and try to understand what its origins are. Below we present several possible options.
Controlling someone else's fate
With the help of power over another person, we try to create stable living conditions for ourselves. By controlling the actions of others, we can prevent changes in relationships, and thereby maintain the stability of our own lives. However, this is only an illusion, since total control is simply impossible. As a result, mistrust and feelings of jealousy appear.
As you can see, jealousy is a deep human experience. However, this feeling can also be different. A child can be jealous of his parents and vice versa. You can feel this feeling towards a friend or a loved one. How to classify it and what are its origins?
The problem and consequences of jealousy
To understand how to get rid of jealousy and mistrust, let's first understand the terminology. Jealousy is an obsessive need to control a loved one, the desire to be aware of his every move. If this mechanism is launched, a person loses balance and the ability to think soberly and rationally; he cannot be fair and objectively assess the situation. Jealousy does not arise out of nowhere, it is a response to some action, a complex of emotions that arises during an already existing process in the human psyche.
In essence, jealousy is an uncomfortable state that occurs when there is a lack of attention and love from a loved one, usually due to the fact that someone else receives all this. Jealousy is very closely related to the concept of “possession” of a person to whom there is a personal attachment.
The basis of jealousy is the desire to spend all your time with a loved one, to build a future together. There seems to be nothing wrong with this, but only until the moment when the feeling becomes pathological and begins to be unreasonable. The reasons for this phenomenon lie in complex psychological mechanisms that trigger the desire to own a partner completely, to be the only important person for him. This is a destructive mechanism that not only reduces the quality of relationships, but also destroys them in general. The victim of jealousy, tired of scandals, claims and the inability to fulfill the demands of the jealous person, simply leaves.
Manifestations of jealousy directly depend on a person’s gender. By nature, men are domineering, and when control over a partner is lost, they become jealous, in most cases the reason being the appearance of a competitor. Women are emotional creatures, and when the connection with a partner weakens, the feeling of warmth and care is lost, and jealousy arises. A woman can be jealous not only of a potential competitor, but also of her partner’s work, friends, hobbies, and parents.
Pathological jealousy not only reduces the quality of relationships, but simply destroys them
The danger is that jealousy leads to a loss of trust between people. It is also destructive for the jealous person himself - it forces him to constantly live in suspicion, develops inferiority complexes, causes fear of being abandoned - in a word, it significantly reduces the quality of life.
It must be said that if jealousy manifests itself in small doses, it can be useful. This adds zest to the relationship, and the partner feels special, needed, loved. In this case, jealousy becomes a regulator of self-esteem; it motivates a person to do something new and forces him to develop his best qualities.
Thus, only unfounded, pathological jealousy should be considered dangerous. The problem and consequences of jealousy in this case are as follows:
- Deterioration of relationships between partners.
- Frequent reproaches of infidelity can push a person to real betrayal, so to speak, “out of spite.”
- Control can become obsessive, that is, transform into “delusions of jealousy.” This manifests itself in aggression towards perceived rivals and towards a partner. At this stage, the jealous person’s doubts disappear and confidence in betrayal appears. It is impossible to convince him otherwise. Delusions of jealousy are difficult to treat, and the only thing that can turn the situation around is an effort of will.
- Children suffer from parents' jealousy. An unhealthy family environment negatively affects their psychosomatic state. Children living with constantly quarreling parents develop chronic whitening symptoms (most often asthma). It is believed that this is how the child unconsciously tries to attract attention to himself, forcing his parents to rally to fight the disease together.
Sibling rivalry
In fact, jealousy tries to find a secluded place in your life even in early childhood, that is, when you are not yet able to properly protect yourself from it. She quietly comes up behind you and whispers in your ear: “Look! Your mom gave the neighbor girl some candy! But she could have given it to you. Mom doesn't love you. She loves that girl more than you!” At first you just try to ignore her whispers, but jealousy is a persistent lady. She will remind you of herself time after time. When dad takes another child in his arms, when he praises the successes of his older sister, when parents advise him to follow the example of his younger brother. That's when you really get scared. What if they really don’t love you? Why don't you get your parents' attention? After all, they said that you would be loved by them in any case. That's when jealousy will triumph.
This feeling manifests itself differently for everyone. Someone will immediately come up and give a good yank to the braid of that same neighbor girl whom your parents had the imprudence to caress. And someone will harbor a grudge for the rest of their lives and will regularly remind their aging mom and dad of what they have done.
Friendly jealousy
And life goes on as usual. You grow up, go to school, graduate from college, work. And your constant friend - jealousy - does not leave you for a minute. You will make new acquaintances, join the company, communicate with work colleagues. And she, in turn, will quietly strengthen her position.
Have you found a best friend or boyfriend? Great! It couldn't have been better! This is an unplowed field for jealousy. And you can already hear her whisper: “Look! She hasn't called you for two days now. Surely she is busy with those with whom she is interested in communicating. Would you like to call and tell me what you think about this traitor?” Needless to say, as soon as you begin to give in to such impulses, your entire friendship will crumble brick by brick.
How does such jealousy manifest itself? When you go to a cafe with a friend, you are ready to discuss only the two of you. People who call her on her mobile phone at this time are literally causing you physical pain. You get mad if your friend doesn't answer your call or, worse, refuses to go out with you.
Can jealousy be considered mistrust?
Does being jealous mean loving? Many representatives of the fair sex answered this question positively, without hesitation for a second. And this is sad, because... Jealousy is a feeling equal to mistrust. When did mistrust in a relationship become a sign of love?
Yes, maybe in your “candy-bouquet” period, his frequent questions about other mythical fans, endless calls and SMS really look quite cute. But after some time, when the relationship smoothly moves to a new level, such pathological attention, to put it mildly, becomes boring or even begins to irritate.
Who would like a sudden call at 3:00 am with the harmless purpose of asking “How are you there? Are you already asleep? Or the frequent appearances of your beau miraculously where you are. In general, when these “cute things” become not cute at all and look more like persecution, you need to urgently act and change something in the relationship.
- First you need to find out what the reason for his jealousy is.
Perhaps some action you take, such as asking a random passerby “Where can I find the nearest ATM?” caused a storm of emotions in your gentleman. After all, you asked for help from a stranger, and not from your loved one. And it doesn’t matter that you just arrived in this city yesterday to relax, and neither of you two has any idea what and where is here.
- Don't be offended under any circumstances
Don't be offended or very irritated about this. It is unlikely that your partner will listen to hysterical screams that he is wrong, hurts your feelings and generally pursues you like a maniac. Jealousy is a problem for many couples, but the devil is not as scary as he is portrayed to be. This problem can be easily solved if you do not resort to unnecessary emotions.
- "Gingerbread Method"
Hoping to improve the situation by aggravating it with reproaches from your loved one is pointless. Therefore, the “stick method” in such cases disappears completely. Please your man with warm words, tell him about your feelings more often, you can even remind him a couple of times that you love him more than your own Eskimo cat. And this says a lot.
- Ignore if necessary
If your boyfriend’s jealous impulses have nevertheless reached a critical point, you quarrel about it every day, he suspects you not only of kissing his friend Petya, but of all mortal sins combined... Ignore. Become cold like the Snow Queen, do not react to any statements in your direction, and as a result, the emotional volcano of your jealous love will go out by itself. You'll see. The main thing is to endure and not answer provocative questions that can lead to a serious quarrel and a crack in the relationship.
- "Intimate talk"
The most correct decision would be a sincere conversation with your boyfriend about how his diligent care for you will not lead to anything good in any case. After all, to build strong relationships, you need true love, built on mutual respect and, of course, trust.
Was this article helpful? Share it with your friends
Love and jealousy
Perhaps a loved one is the most delicious morsel for jealousy. Indeed, there is a place to have a great time. You have not yet had time to fully enjoy the candy-bouquet period of first love, to feel the entire emotional palette of first love, but she has long matured a plan of action. Hurry up, you still have a lot to do!
First, read all his SMS messages and correspondence on social networks. Check his notebook for female names. Don't forget to hack your email! Interview all your acquaintances and friends: who knows, maybe they have already seen him hand in hand with a new passion. It is extremely important to control every call, as well as your movement schedule around the city. Don’t forget to immediately throw a scandal if he lingers anywhere for even ten minutes. After this scandal, he must delete all numbers marked with female names: this includes ex-girlfriends, classmates, and work colleagues. Of the women, you allow only yourself and his relatives, and then the closest ones.
Jealousy towards your significant other
Of all the existing categories, this is the sweetest morsel. Indeed, there is plenty to roam around here. Before the couple had time to enjoy true love, feel a wonderful relationship, experience the most pleasant emotions that are associated with love, jealousy has already matured a plan, ready for action. Excessive pickiness appears, the desire to constantly know where a person is, the desire to read his messages, look into social networks, hack email.
Next comes finding out information through friends, acquaintances and exes. Jealousy likes all this just to taste. At the most advanced stage, a desire appears to find potential rivals and rivals, get to know them, and begin to threaten. The highest aerobatics is establishing surveillance of a loved one. Some even place video cameras and listen to conversations. The main thing is that not a single breath is taken without your attention.
However, jealousy can achieve its goal very quickly, the loved one will go far and long, the jealous person will be left alone with his jealousy. After all, who would like constant mistrust and nagging. Every person, of course, wants a calm relationship.
Parental jealousy
If you manage to control yourself and not destroy at least one romantic relationship and start a family, then the next danger awaiting you is the birth of a child. Can you imagine? You raise your baby, give him all the love you are capable of, and all of yourself at the same time. But then he grows up, he suddenly has new friends, hobbies, interests and interests. Your influence on your child is becoming less and less every day. Now he loves not only mom and dad. New objects for adoration appear on his horizon. How will your resentment and confusion be expressed? In the worst case, you will become intrusively protective of your child. And when the child grows up, he will categorically declare that you ruined his life.
Ask yourself: do you need such an ending? Then say an unwavering “no” to this feeling and slam the door in its face. Forget the old saying that if a person is jealous, then he loves. Not true. If he is jealous, he does not trust, doubts, craves attention, but does not love.
