Married mistress of a married man - psychology of lovers' relationships: what to do if a woman falls in love with a guy and he has a wife

Why do wives cheat?

Many perceive male adultery as the norm, attributing everything to physiology and polygamy. They have many signals: they want change, they want to express sexual energy and just have fun. Many people don’t even think that a guy’s betrayal counts.

But girls are usually treated more demandingly, and therefore they are accustomed to hiding an affair more carefully. Let's figure out where it comes from. The usual “excuses” for men are unacceptable here:

Sexual attraction at the level of instinct - women are more likely to focus on feelings and emotions.
Novelty is repulsive, because they are attracted to stability.
Self-affirmation - no, because only a guy can assert himself, and for a girl such a reputation will only become offensive.

It is interesting to note that the real reasons are strongly related to the marital relationship. Common reasons why a married woman falls in love with a married or single man:

Poor relationship with your spouse, lack of affection, care, tenderness and sense of security. Psychological discomfort.
Lack of attention: the husband does not notice the new haircut or new clothes. He spends all his time in the garage under the car or in the company of his friends, leaving his wife to while away the lonely evenings.
Revenge. What if the man has already been caught in adultery? Of course, many go through this stage, forgive, try to forget, but subconsciously there is a certainty that the traitor should be punished.
Dissatisfaction in intimate life. Sometimes the spouse stops performing marital duty altogether or performs it, caring exclusively about his own pleasure - no foreplay, prolonged caresses, romance or gratification of sexual desires. The second common option is satiety with monotony.
Lack of emotions. Sometimes it happens like this: boring, the same, stable. I want adventure, like in a romantic film - an explosion, a storm, but at home everything is ordinary. Everyday life eats up men too - they stop expressing their feelings, which leads to a complete emotional vacuum in the family.
Finding the perfect love or a prince on a white horse. Often marriage occurs after an unplanned pregnancy or for other reasons, when they hoped for “endure and fall in love.” But all the years of marriage they are looking for that one and only.
Love. An outburst of intense mutual feelings can lead to an affair.

Recommendations from psychologists

The first recommendation of any psychologist in this matter will be unequivocal - do not start such a relationship. A man by nature is always looking for new emotions and impressions; a woman can easily put up with routine and everyday hassles.

The problem with women is that they get attached quickly. Sometimes one or two compliments are enough, and for a woman the words of a charming womanizer become a whole event. However, there are no guarantees that this is the first and last woman in his life.

If such a situation occurs, it is worth considering how the wife feels. She is suffering the most at the moment. Just by putting yourself in her place, you can instantly understand how illusory the promises of the newly made boyfriend are. After all, he swore eternal love to his wife when he got married.

Despite the fact that female nature is extremely emotional and unstable, a woman can always find the strength to end and let go of relationships that do not bring happiness and love. The ideal life partner will soon instantly appear on the horizon and will love sincerely and truly.

Reasons why a married man loves a married woman

Most husbands are not going to divorce. As I noted, they do not see anything wrong with betrayal, so they treat their mistress with ease, as temporary entertainment.

If a girl is unmarried, she intuitively hopes for the continuation of the relationship and its legalization. She has a lot of free time that can be spent on calls, messages, meetings. They are more interested in gifts and constant attention.

A married woman, on the contrary, is different:

Unpretentiousness: she is satisfied with her current situation, she does not want to change anything.
The desire to give all the love and tenderness, she is an experienced woman, she already knows a lot, she does not strive to play a role that is inaccessible.
The need to hide relationships. She will not gossip or tell her colleagues and friends.
Material considerations. It’s simply impossible to give expensive gifts - after all, how will she tell her legal husband about the new acquisition.

Pros and cons of a relationship between a married man and a married woman

A relationship with a single lover most often brings many problems to a woman. Wanting to break out of everyday routine, reproaches, misunderstandings, she may come under pressure from her chosen one, who will not want to share her with her legal spouse. A lover can set conditions, use threats of exposure, or even go himself to sort things out with his husband. The ending of such relationships is always unpredictable and unpleasant.

Love between a married woman and a married man is completely different. Partners treat each other’s families with understanding and respect, not wanting to destroy their usual nests.

Single men prefer relationships where a woman is ready to satisfy his sexual desires upon request. His married mistress does not always have free time, primarily solving the problems of her family. Therefore, such a relationship is usually fleeting; the bachelor will try to find someone else or will constantly change partners.

Sometimes it happens that a man dates several women at the same time. Imagine what a blow his mistress will experience, who deceived a loved one, and in return received betrayal from her lover.

The love of a married man for a married woman is not subject to such cataclysms. A married lover who, like you, is looking for variety or solace on the side, will most often build a long-term relationship with one woman.

When communicating with a married lover, you don’t have to be afraid that he will watch you around the house, spontaneously call or write SMS, insistently offer to spend weekends or vacations together, give unplanned gifts and bouquets of flowers. In a chance meeting, a married lover will behave according to the circumstances so as not to harm your reputation.

Breakups between a married woman and a married man usually occur without unnecessary drama and hysteria. Many, for example, work colleagues even manage to maintain friendly, warm relationships.

Love between a married woman and a married man is a kind of alliance with the same rules of behavior for both.

Trouble can await particularly sensual young ladies who decide to fall madly in love with a married partner. By idealizing her chosen one, having imagined a new life for herself, a woman can begin to demand that her lover divorce his wife and destroy her family. At the same time, she will not even ask whether her lover needs all this. Typically, such relationships end with the man trying to minimize all communication with his overly loving partner, and, if necessary, simply disappear from her life.

Yes, you can now object and talk about the novels of unfree people that ended in marriage. But there are very few of them. Usually, the romantic flair persists precisely until the threshold when you need to hide and conceal your relationship from strangers. Even if both lovers get divorced, they do not always start families with each other. Flaws that initially seemed cute appear, demands arise that give rise to reproaches, feelings disappear. Lovers simply break up, joining the army of free men and women.

What does a married woman want from a married man and why does she prefer him?

In general, the reasons are similar. But jealousy is mixed in. Bachelors have a strong sense of ownership; they are not used to sharing a girl with anyone, even if the legal spouse is claiming. They will express dissatisfaction in every possible way; in case of a breakup, they may even threaten or blackmail.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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A lover who has a spouse will not be jealous, because he himself is in a similar state. He will not make a scene, blackmail, or publicize a secret affair, because he will have to divorce his wife first.

Another “minus” of bachelors is that they need a lot of free time spent together. In addition, the lack of commitment leads to the fact that they have a less regular sex life and uncontrolled sexual intercourse becomes more frequent.

Another advantage of married people is that they are reliable, accustomed to keeping their promised words, and acting appropriately, in accordance with the situation.

We conclude: if a lover and mistress are both married, they are more confident in each other and know how to relax and distract themselves from everyday problems together.

How to become the best lover of a married man: behavioral psychology

If the final decision is ripe to take a married man away from the family, the girl must be able to behave correctly in communication with him. Knowing some secrets of behavior, build a trusting relationship with your loved one so that he himself wants to never return to his wife. By putting into practice the secrets of the psychology of relationships between a man and a woman, subtly playing on a man’s weaknesses, he can quite possibly become a husband from a lover.

Rules for a girl's behavior with a married man:

Do not burden your loved one with your everyday problems, do not do laundry in front of him, do not cook. This will allow you to carefully convince the man that living together with her will not cause him problems;
do not make scenes of jealousy if he decides to cancel the meeting due to his family troubles. You need to be patient;
do not insist on holding holidays together. You need to understand that he will celebrate all significant events with his (for now) wife;
try not to impose yourself. Don’t look for more frequent meetings, try to make him want to see each other as often as possible.

These secrets, of course, cannot give a 100% guarantee that the lover will leave his missus, but at least such behavior will not scare him away. Ease of communication will encourage him to look for opportunities to meet more often, and as a result, the man will become more and more attached.

How to deal with a married lover

Girls should be careful and not leave traces of their presence, and also not count on too much. In 95 percent of cases, he will not get divorced and will not propose marriage to you. I will give specific recommendations.

Behavior rules

Insist on meetings on neutral territory.
Never use his wife’s things - do not use perfumes, hygiene products, cosmetics.
Do not call first, do not write SMS or messages on social networks. Your best option is not to leave any written evidence of affection.
Don't demand too much: family is always more important.

If you are confused and find yourself in a difficult situation, I recommend signing up for my consultation. I will listen to your problems, give advice and recommendations.

Benefits of being a lover

This is an easy relationship - there is no need to give reports, promises, you can break it off at any time. No guilt, only freedom.
A rich experience. How can you find out the type of man that suits you if you don’t try to get closer to him?
Have a nice stay. The beloved on the side receives more entertainment, cafes and even trips to resorts than the legal spouse. Enjoy life without obligations.
Rest from household duties. You will open the buttons on the shirt, and someone else will sew them on. How to cook borscht, wash socks, iron suits.
Fresh emotions, including from extreme sports.
Material support. Often a man strives to provide for his beloved. You can expect even such large gifts as a car or an apartment from a well-to-do businessman.

Why do guys have relationships on the side?

Any person gets tired of monotony, and the male half of humanity has never been monogamous. Causes:

Mental rejuvenation. This is especially true for people aged 45+. They are interested in younger girls, they make them feel young and reckless.
I want to get away from my wife's nagging. The spouse nags on various issues, while the mistress is ready to listen with understanding.
Aesthetic pleasure: in the evenings he is greeted by a beautifully made-up, well-groomed lady in sexy lingerie, and not slippers, a robe and curlers.
New sensations in bed. Sex with the same partner for 10-20 years often leads to decreased libido.
Revenge on the wife if she committed adultery.

Advice for a married lover

In connection with the reasons for betrayal, I want to emphasize that you will not replace his family, but only several areas of his life. Therefore, 95% of the time he will not abandon his wife. Do not spoil your and his nerves by demanding a divorce, blackmailing, contacting your wife.

Ask a question

Secret messages3

In the communication of flirts, piquant messages and photographs appear, which for some reason you want to delete so that no one sees. This is a sure sign that flirting with a married man has gone too far. A man can diligently hide all correspondence with a woman, put secret locks and codes on his phone, just so that his wife does not see this.

You can convince yourself that this is only for the good, because your spouse may not understand everything that way. But in fact, she will understand everything correctly, if she sees it, of course. This means it’s time to end the correspondence.

Recommendations if a married woman falls in love with a married man

In this situation, it is necessary to understand that both partners are in an equal position. Adviсe:

Respect his personal space, then he will take care of yours too.
Set boundaries and agreements – when and where meetings are scheduled, how communication will take place.
Take care of your family and value it above all else - lovers can change, but children will always remain.
Don't get involved with your spouse's friend/colleague, this will lead to the connection being quickly revealed.
Hide your emotions in front of your husband. If he is attentive, he will notice the shine of his eyes, increased attention to appearance, and a loving smile when reading an SMS.
Make sure you have a good alibi. This could be a club you go to with a friend. A great option is going to the gym 3 times a week.
Label gifts, but don't hide them. Tell us about your mother’s birthday present or your own purchase with the bonus you received.
Correspondence and calls - only at work using a company computer/phone. No personal gadgets.
Wash away the smell of men's perfume and the aroma of aftershave lotion.

How to get away from the family

This is a rare occurrence, but you can achieve a divorce following these recommendations:

Act quickly. An impulsive decision is made in the first months of falling in love.
Find out more about personality, habits, activities, preferences.
Become a friend, listen to complaints, give advice.
Collect information about your wife and be better than her - externally, intellectually.
Give him what he doesn't get at home.
Don’t dismiss your problems; if you want to help, he will become interested himself.
Don't focus on finances.
Any contact with the legal spouse is prohibited.

Psychology of a woman’s relationship with a married man

2.1 How female psychology works

Initially, everyone tells themselves that this state of affairs is completely satisfactory. You don’t need a legal marriage, you just want to be with him and love him. These words are transmitted to a man in various forms, and the woman does not even suspect it. And then sobs, quarrels and requests to leave his wife begin.

If it happens that a man does leave his wife, new suspicions may arise (“he will cheat on me too”), mistrust (secret meetings with his ex-wife), and old grievances will surface (he didn’t leave his wife for a long time). Thus, from the desire to create a full-fledged family, a woman goes into a state where she is already dependent on experiences and cannot live without stressful situations. Therefore, such relationships will not be successful.

Of course, everything is different in different situations. When building a relationship with a married man, a woman makes her own choice. If you want the relationship to continue successfully, then you need to do two things:

1. Take off your rose-colored glasses. Don’t get your hopes up with empty hopes that he can do everything for her, but right now he can’t leave his wife, that he has a difficult situation and can wait, because the main thing is love.
2. Take time for yourself. You need to develop, expand your sphere of interests, and understand yourself as a person. You shouldn’t burden yourself with his interests, and especially you shouldn’t solve his problems.

Usually a man does not leave his family and does not go to his mistress, because he has created an ideal life: the family is preserved, this allows him to avoid discussions in society and save his loved one (and his wife eventually becomes his own), while he has a parallel life, where he receives new emotions, is surrounded by care and warmth.

It is quite possible that a man experiences much more emotions for his mistress than for his wife. He is overwhelmed by passion and love, he swears his love for her and promises to soon leave his family for her sake. In reality, nothing usually happens - a vicious circle of promises. Relationships do not develop, romantic enthusiasm and passion develop into accusations - this usually ends a relationship with a married man.

The situation is completely different when both are not free. But such a connection does not have good consequences. The fact is that a woman plunges headlong into a new relationship, and if she is married, she begins to deliberately destroy her family, unlike a man who shares communication with his mistress and his wife. A married mistress may pay less attention to children, which will cause them to suffer.

Is it possible to avoid betrayal?

To rule out adultery, give your spouse:

a varied sex life - don’t be afraid to experiment in bed;
a stable life with its own foundations;
aesthetic pleasure - visit the beauty salon and gym more often, do not forget to put on makeup before dinner together;
do not give reasonable reasons for jealousy.

With such a life partner, a faithful person will not want to turn to the left.