Child 8-9 years old. Education, advice from a psychologist. Schedule

When a child begins to go to the second or third grade, parents usually calm down a little, remembering with a shudder (not all, of course) the beginning of his studies at school. But even though your child has adapted to the new conditions, regime and team, it is still too early to relax.

Both school life and the learning process itself involve many difficulties throughout its entire duration. And the new age stage has features that are important for adults to take into account. You need to figure out what the upbringing of children at 8-9 years old should be like.

Psychological characteristics of children aged 8-9 years

At this age, the child’s self-awareness is strengthened and his own point of view on surrounding objects and phenomena is formed. He can express his thoughts on what he wants to become in the future.
A junior schoolchild is able to think critically about the behavior of adults, including his parents. He begins to compare information received from different sources (from parents, teachers, peers, from the media), may doubt the truth of the position of adults, and draws his own conclusions.
At the age of 8-9 years, the child is less drawn to his parents and more eager to communicate with peers. His need for friendship and collective activity intensifies.
Approval and praise from adults are still important to him. In this case, specifics and assessment of the child’s individual abilities are important.
Most often, at this age, children already have a hobby: they go to clubs, sports clubs, a music school or dance studios.
Most students aged 8 have already managed to adapt to school, but fatigue still sets in quite quickly, and a high need for rest remains.
Children have already mastered many social norms well, observe the rules of politeness, and can control their behavior in class and in public places.

Age crises from birth to 15 years

Age crisis, tender age crisis and midlife crisis.
Learn more about your child's developmental stages to understand child psychology and help you overcome age-related changes and barriers to adulthood. An age crisis occurs at a certain period of life in both adults and children. Moreover, the lion's share of age-related crises occurs precisely during childhood and adolescence, which is quite understandable. After all, childhood itself is a dynamic state that craves physical and psychological changes. The child’s general and neuropsychic reactivity is formed very unevenly. Periods of more or less smooth development alternate with leaps, qualitative explosions, quite often violent and abrupt. There are five main crisis periods: neonatal crisis (the first 6-8 weeks of life); early childhood crisis (12-18 months); crisis of three years (2-4 years); crisis 6-8 years; teenage crisis (12-15 years). Newborn crisis (first 6-8 weeks of life) or tender age crisis

The very first crisis of a child is considered from two points of view: physiological and psychological. At the physiological level, the baby must adapt to a new way of existence (“land”, compared to the intrauterine “aquatic”): breathe independently, warm itself, obtain and digest food. A calm daily routine, regular sleep and nutrition, a well-established breastfeeding process - all this will help the baby soon feel like “belonging” in this world. But the process of psychological adaptation largely depends on the actions and emotions of the baby’s parents. The newborn is deprived of basic means of communication, and is in dire need of our help and support. Therefore, maternal intuition is extremely important now: the mother is able to “read” even those needs of the baby that he himself is not aware of. Trusting yourself, trusting your child, and not the advice of others - it’s so simple... and so difficult at the same time. But this is precisely where the secret of victory over the manifestations of the crisis lies. Holding, hugging, breastfeeding, protecting from anxiety and stress - in fact, this is all that a newborn needs at this age stage. The neonatal crisis ends after 6-8 weeks - with the appearance of the so-called revitalization complex.

Early childhood crisis (12-18 months)

The crisis of the first year of life was studied before anyone else. The main points leading to the development of a child’s new relationship with the world during this period are learning to walk and speak, called autonomous child speech. At the same time, the child begins to understand that his mother, who is still at the center of his universe, does not belong to him entirely - she has her own interests and personal life. And the baby begins to fear that he will be lost or abandoned. This is why children who have barely learned to walk sometimes behave very strangely. They can run to their mother every minute, checking if she is in place, or, conversely, run away at full speed, forcing her to run after her, demanding increased attention to themselves. At the same age, the child shows his first “strong-willed” decisions: these can be real “protests”, “opposition”, opposing oneself to others. It is useless to fight the baby, moreover, it is completely unacceptable! After all, right now he needs unconditional and constant parental love and support, both physical and emotional. And if everything is clear with physical support, then emotional support should be adjusted a little. It is very important to realize that your baby is no longer the helpless creature that he was just recently, and to “let go” of him a little, to allow him to develop at his own pace (while assessing his capabilities and “pushing” or “slowing down” the baby.

Three-year crisis (2-4 years)

It is classified as acute - the child is really difficult to control, his behavior is almost impossible to correct. In a child’s still-sparse vocabulary, the most common is “I don’t want.” However, he doesn’t talk so much as he acts: you call him, but he runs away, you ask him to put a toy in a box, and he throws it on the floor, you tell him that you can’t crumble bread, but he crumbles it on purpose. Your refusal to some of his requests, a ban on taking something, going somewhere, causes a reaction of protest. The baby screams at the top of his voice, stomps his feet, and sometimes even swings at you with an angry and angry face, with tears in his eyes. What's happened? Most likely, it's okay. Your baby is just growing up and starting to feel like an individual. This increases his activity, independence, and persistence in achieving what he wants. But strength and skill are still lacking. He doesn’t like something, something doesn’t work out. And he expresses all his dissatisfaction through such means. There is no need to be angry with a child, try to “break” him, answer his cry with a cry, much less punish him. This position of adults can only reinforce incorrect behavior, and sometimes give impetus to the formation of negative character traits. Think about whether the child has reasons for whims and stubbornness. Maybe he is burdened by excessive severity, too frequent prohibitions? Maybe he has a negative attitude towards someone - for example, his older children offend him? Find the strength to be patient with the stomping or screaming. Keep in mind that sometimes the child himself would be glad to calm down, but he cannot. Help him by switching his attention to something unrelated to this situation, say, to a dove sitting on the windowsill, to a bright picture in a book, or put a record he loves on the player. If the position of adults is correct, such disturbances in the child’s behavior usually disappear after six months or a year. But we must keep in mind that during the first age crisis, serious mental disorders sometimes appear. A sharp hormonal change associated with the activation of the nuclei of the diencephalon and pituitary gland, the intensive development of cognitive processes that occurs at this age, often contribute to the detection of neuropsychiatric diseases. Some people begin to clearly develop a peculiar deviation of mental development - early childhood autism. Its characteristic feature is a sharp weakening of the need for contacts with others. The child does not want to talk to anyone, he has no emotional reactions to the behavior of others - he does not smile, does not laugh, does not get scared, does not show interest in toys, animals, in the appearance of new people - he lives as if fenced off from the outside world. His entertainment is repeated monotonous movements, for example, rotating his hands in front of his eyes, fiddling with his fingers, swaying his body... Such oddities in the child’s behavior and the lack of natural childish interests should alert him. It is imperative to show the baby to a pediatric psychoneurologist. Mental illnesses that begin at an early age, unfortunately, have an unfavorable course, and, naturally, the earlier treatment is started, the greater the likelihood that it will be successful.

Crisis 6-8 years

This age crisis coincides with a period of intense physical growth, improvement of fine motor skills of the hands, and the development of a number of complex neuropsychic functions. And just at this stressful time for the body, the social status of the child changes - he becomes a schoolchild. The need to adapt to a new environment and new requirements creates in some children the prerequisites for the formation of a complex of deviations and behavioral disorders, united by the conventional term “school neurosis.” The child becomes very anxious, afraid of being late for school, of doing something wrong, his appetite is disrupted, especially in the morning, nausea and even vomiting appear. In other cases, the child, on the contrary, does not want to get up, get dressed to go to class, forgets assignments, cannot adapt to discipline, and does not answer the teacher’s questions. Most often this happens with weakened children who have reached school age, but are physically and mentally behind their peers. Therefore, do not rush to send a six-year-old or even a seven-year-old child to school if the doctor at the children's clinic believes that he is not yet sufficiently prepared for this. First-graders, except, of course, strong, resilient children, should not be burdened with additional classes in music schools, sports sections, studios: let them first adapt well to school. The physiological characteristics of this age (6-8 years), psychological difficulties arising in connection with adaptation to school, can provoke decompensation of those hidden brain damage that were associated with complications of pregnancy or childbirth, infections, and injuries in the first years of life. This is manifested by increased fatigue, motor restlessness, resumption of stuttering that occurred in preschool years, and urinary incontinence. And then, of course, parents cannot do without the help of a doctor. It is very important to create a calm environment for the child at home, not to make unreasonable demands and, of course, not to punish for dirt in a notebook or an unlearned lesson - this can only strengthen the negative attitude towards learning. We must not lose sight of the fact that it is at the age of 7-8 that children with an unbalanced nervous system, especially boys, may first develop behavioral disorders such as leaving home. At first, this is usually associated with fear of punishment, protest against quarrels between parents or some other troubles experienced at home.

Puberty crisis (12-15 years)

The most pronounced physiological and psychological changes occur at 12-15 years of age. Teenage boys at this age are characterized by excitability, lack of restraint, and often aggressiveness; in girls, mood instability predominates. Both are characterized by a combination of increased sensitivity and touchiness with selfishness, indifference, and often callousness towards others, including those closest to them. The desire for independence, or rather, independence from adults, the need for self-affirmation often pushes a teenager to take risky actions. Unable to establish themselves in learning, creativity, and sports, they become established by taking up smoking, alcohol, drugs, and having early sexual relations. Grouping reactions are typical for teenagers, that is, the desire to spend time in a group of peers is also one of the ways for them to assert themselves. A teenager requires no less, and perhaps more, parental attention than a first-grader. But you need to treat him not like a child, but like an adult or almost an adult, and take into account how painful the injections of pride are for him. If you want to achieve something from him, do not categorically impose your opinion, but try to lead him to this or that decision so that he perceives it as his own. The line between the natural features of the third crisis and mental disorders that occur in children aged 12-15 years is sometimes difficult to discern. But you need to be aware of the possibility of such disorders: during this period, especially with the accelerated pace of physical and sexual maturation, a hidden predisposition to some serious mental illnesses may be revealed. If a teenager’s behavior does not fit into the usual framework, if you notice sharp mood swings, bizarre hobbies, if he has become very withdrawn, cold, detached from the usual activities and interests of his peers, consult a psychiatrist - such a specialist will help you. Age crises are natural. But they can occur in different ways - both acutely, painfully, and mildly, almost imperceptibly. And this depends not only on the physical and mental characteristics of the child, but also to a very large extent on the conditions in which he lives, on his upbringing. You can almost guarantee that a child will calmly go through all age-related crises if the parents themselves never fail in restraint and patience, and a friendly, calm atmosphere reigns in the family.

Features of the development of boys and girls at 8 years old

Children at this age understand well the difference between the sexes: in appearance, in some character traits, in responsibilities, in social roles. They exhibit different tendencies in behavior: girls show a greater tendency towards restraint, perseverance, responsiveness and obedience.

They begin to pay attention to their appearance, express their preferences for clothing, and often try on their mother’s clothes. The girls respond well to help, take care of their younger sisters and brothers, and carry out assignments responsibly. Usually at this age they are interested in creative activities: handicrafts, music, dancing.

Boys aged 8-9 years are often less restrained in expressing emotions and more impulsive than girls. They demonstrate great activity and cannot sit still for a long time. Usually at this age boys prefer sports and outdoor games.

A visit to the section will create good conditions for a burst of energy that is in full swing. A boy can be quite successful in his studies if the disciplines are interesting to him and he is good at them.

During this period, praise for a girl as a person (just as a girl) is important for a girl, and a positive assessment of the results of his activities is important for a boy.

Features of mental development

Conducting research, physiologists noticed that from birth the brains of girls and boys work differently; from the first months of life, their perception and analysis of information differs. Almost everyone has known for a long time that girls begin to speak earlier, from which it follows that in other respects boys will to lag a little because Speech plays a vital role in a child’s development.

Girls have very developed auditory perception, while boys have visual perception.

There are also differences in games, girls often choose a corner and imitate housekeeping, set up cozy kitchens, tinker with dishes, love painstaking little things with dolls, copy everyday life, family relationships, their games are more verbal. Boys, on the contrary, are object-oriented: construction kits, all kinds of buildings... they master space, test themselves with dexterity, resourcefulness, strive to find and study something new, break (and this is not a reason for alarm, they just study how a thing/toy works), and try create. Games often lay the foundations of morality (respect, kindness, compliance, patience), games serve as a model for the behavior of adult life.

It should be noted that for boys at the time of formation of gender stability, additional efforts are required, without which his development will follow the female type;

How to raise a child at 8-9 years old

Make sure your child completes his homework. The more independence he shows, the better. But remember the importance of your support and, if necessary, provide help if the child is experiencing difficulties. Be as patient as possible and calmly explain how to complete the task. It is important to identify which method of delivering information is most effective for your child to understand the task: depict the condition schematically, give examples, ask leading questions, simply allow him to think out loud and nod in response, etc.
Be attentive to his feelings, do not ignore them, encourage him to be aware and name them. Voice your child’s emotions yourself when you notice his condition. For example: “You're upset,” “You're sad,” or “I'm just happy when I see you being happy.”
Control the time your child spends watching TV and computer (tablet, phone). At the same time, it is better not to use strict prohibitions, but to offer options for alternative pastimes. For example, go for walks, exhibitions, performances together more often, offer to read an interesting book, etc.
Observe the mood in which your child goes to school. Be sincerely interested: does he like to study? Is it easy to communicate with classmates and the teacher? Which subjects does he like more and which ones less?
Feel free to give your child tasks around the house, smoothly form the circle of his responsibilities (cleaning his room and other premises, buying groceries in the store, caring for a pet, etc.) Involve him in joint activities, such as preparing various dishes, planting plants in the country , easy assistance in repairs, etc.
Remember that the child should have time every day for rest, walks, favorite activities, games (free from studies, household chores and attending clubs and sections).
An important task of parents is to maintain their authority in the eyes of the child. Therefore, one should not allow extremes: to distance oneself from education and practice permissiveness, or, conversely, to completely suppress his will and force him to obey. The child thinks and analyzes the situation and your words, so arguments in the style of: “Because I said so!” or “Don’t you dare contradict!” will clearly not be in your favor and will not help achieve the desired effect. Yes, some children become obedient and manageable, but at the same time lack initiative, have complexes and are unable to stand up for themselves in the future and confidently overcome difficulties. Is this the path you want to take your child?
Learn to trust your child and create conditions for him to trust you. This is the key to maintaining a strong relationship with him for many years. Allow him to carry out important tasks, give him the opportunity to feel and strengthen his skills and abilities, to feel like an assistant and a significant member of the family.
Raising an 8-year-old child must necessarily be based on respect for him, emphasizing his strengths, creating conditions for the formation of self-confidence and adequate self-esteem.

Reasons for changes in the character and behavior of 7-year-old children

Boys and girls of 7 or 8 years old think that if they went to school, they have already become adults. The child wants to make decisions and perform actions independently. If parents do not take his opinion into account, forcing him, for example, to wear clothes he doesn’t like, the seven-year-old begins to resist. The reason for this behavior is a change in values, a change in understanding of the world and awareness of one’s role in society.

Seven-year-olds are losing their spontaneity. Their mood depends little on external factors. They behave the way they want. Sometimes a seven-year-old's behavior does not correspond to the situation. The reason is the desire to free yourself from the psychological burden from adults and to assert yourself. This problem is more typical for boys. Girls behave more restrained and rarely show aggression or inappropriateness in public.

The instability of a child’s psyche may be caused by the desire to become a leader. The seven-year-old wants to be like the characters from their favorite movies, but they always solve problems using force.

Sometimes children perceive the outside world as an aggressor who wants to offend them. They expect trouble from their peers or parents. An attack is considered the way out of this situation. Children behave too emotionally, defending themselves from possible punishment. A child who lacks the love and warmth of his parents may deliberately be rude to his elders or offend his peers.

Sexual development of children at 8-9 years old

Although puberty usually occurs during adolescence, some children (particularly girls) may experience the first signs of puberty as early as 8 or 9 years of age. At this stage, parents should talk with their child about sexual development in order to prepare him to meet the changes in the body and in psychology that are about to begin. It is important to explain that nocturnal emissions in boys and menstruation in girls (and other signs) are normal phenomena necessary for the body to mature.

In matters of sexual development, you can also begin to educate children at this age. But in a very simple and “creative” form. For example, when a woman and a man love each other, they can create a child. The man has seed, which he passes on to the woman. And she has the right conditions to raise him and give birth to him. Ideally, conversations about gender and sexual development should be conducted with a boy by the father, and with a girl by the mother.

Gradually, children develop an interest in the opposite sex. At first, they increasingly begin to watch their parents and other adults: boys watch their mother and her friends, girls watch their father and various men (including actors, singers and other famous people), they can spy on them and listen to their conversations. Then interest shifts to peers of the opposite sex.

Children are increasingly aware of their belonging to a particular gender, try to demonstrate appropriate traits in behavior, copy the words and actions of adults, and strive for self-affirmation.

Irritation and argument for any reason

She gets into an argument on every occasion, is easily irritated, drives her younger sisters to a white heat with interest, bursting in and ruining the game, laughs wildly and within five minutes is already sobbing. Acts like an all-knowing and all-powerful teenager, and then quarrels with his 5-year-old sister over a doll, steals sweets, forgets to say goodnight and, oh my God, hides secrets.

Rudolf Steiner, the founder of anthroposophy, described this age as one of the deepest crises of growing up. He gave the most accurate image of this time - “Exit from Paradise.” The child gradually and inevitably approaches the threshold, the exit-from-childhood. He had not yet completely emerged, but he suddenly realized - the most difficult fact - his separateness. I am not my mother and not my father, and not my family, and not my friends, and I am none of the people I know. I am the only one and I am the One. Awareness of one's own separateness, loneliness and mortality. First full immersion in my life.

We are very lucky to be in a Waldorf school, where everyone - both parents and teachers - is aware of what happens to a person at the age of 9. Once a week for the past year (my eldest just turned nine), we gathered to share observations, discuss difficult situations and listen to the teacher’s precise and very simple advice on how to deal with it all.

Later, I was surprised to discover that outside the anthroposophical community little is known about this period. Especially in the Russian space. At the same time, there are many excellent books in English dedicated to this particular period.

The crisis of nine years is incredibly deep, but at the same time one of the most invisible, very internal. This child no longer screams while lying on the floor like a three-year-old who didn’t get what he wanted, and doesn’t shout harsh words while slamming the door like a teenager. He is still gentle, very defenseless and acts cautiously. This crisis is experienced deep inside, there is a lot of observation and slow awareness. The child seems to wake up into this world, the world of adults, into the structure of this life.

Child development at 8-9 years old: what should you know and be able to do?

The child can control his behavior quite well and perform duties: pack his backpack, prepare his homework, make the bed, clean the room, wash and brush his teeth, get dressed, etc.
Children at this age distinguish between what is “good” and what is “bad”, know how to behave in public places, how to communicate with friends and strangers, and use polite words.
They can navigate in space and time.
The child is able to concentrate on an object or task for a longer time.
Pupils can write, read, count and solve simple mathematical problems.
They memorize poems from several quatrains, reproduce fairy tales and stories in detail from memory.
Children have developed graphic memory: they can remember a complex picture and draw it.
The child is able to express his point of view on various issues.
The student can understand how various devices work.

How does a child eat during this period?

A balanced diet is the main principle of nutrition for children at this age. In food you need to maintain a balance of carbohydrates, fats and proteins. The daily norm for an eight-year-old child is 2100 kcal.

Daily routine for a child aged 8-9 years

At this age stage, the child experiences a high mental load, so significant time should be allocated for rest.

Study and homework. At this age, children spend approximately 3 to 5 hours every day in school. After classes, the child must relax and take a walk in the fresh air. Homework should be started no earlier than 3 hours after studying. Make sure that they do not take more than 2 hours a day to complete, otherwise the student will become very tired.

Nutrition. Five meals a day is the most suitable option for a child: breakfast, lunch at school, afternoon snack, dinner and a light meal before bed.

Dream. A schoolchild aged 8-9 years needs to sleep 10-11 hours, so it is better to go to bed no later than 21.00-21.30, before doing all hygiene procedures (wash, brush teeth, take a shower). Almost all children at this age do not have daytime sleep, but if your child needs it, then do not interfere, let him regain his strength after school.

Interest classes. Most schoolchildren at this age attend sports clubs, clubs, dance studios or music schools. Typically, such classes are held immediately after school or in the evening. It is important that the child himself is interested in them and wants to visit them, and does not go there “because his parents sent him.”

Rest, walks. Every day the child needs to be in the fresh air for 2-3 hours. The more he moves, the better. This is the student’s free time, which he himself fills with what he wants. But a student should not spend more than 1 hour a day in front of the TV or computer. It is important to monitor this and offer him alternative interesting activities.

Responsibilities and work . The child must be involved in household chores and assigned certain responsibilities (wash the dishes, go to the store, take out the trash, etc.) Teach the student that he must clean his room himself.

Parents' mistakes

When a child is going through a period of crisis, parents must behave tactfully. Their mistakes and incorrect parenting methods can negatively affect the boy’s psyche. Psychological trauma received in childhood can cause the development of an inferiority complex.

How not to raise a 7 year old boy:

put pressure on him with your authority;
set impossible tasks and goals;
speak in a commanding tone;
punish bad behavior;
humiliate;
downplay the authority of a teacher or other parent.

When raising a seven-year-old, you should not completely rely on the advice of grandparents. It is better to read specialized literature, for example, books on the psychology of 7-year-old boys.

A child must choose his own friends. There is no need to dissuade him, to tell him who to be friends with. Boys will still communicate with those peers whom they respect more.

Parents need to learn to trust their children. Often adults panic needlessly and exaggerate the scale of the problem. You can't take your anger out on a child. In any situation you need to maintain composure.

Parents sometimes try to realize their unfulfilled dreams through their children. If dad wanted to become a swimming champion, but he didn’t succeed, he will make an athlete out of his son. If a child does not have a passion for sports, such an activity will not bring the desired result. The boy must understand for himself what to do and what business to devote his life to.

The mother and father should be equally involved in raising a son. All problems associated with a boy cannot be left to one of the parents. It can be difficult for a mother to reach her son's heart. The boy will listen to his father faster. Although he needs warmth and care from his mother.

Parents, no matter what their relationship, should not speak badly about each other. It is forbidden to turn a child against his mother or father. Both parents are very important to a boy. Adults must demonstrate acceptable behavior patterns. After all, their child in the future will build family relationships based on the experiences gained in childhood.

The father must take part in raising boys. The mother needs to give up this right and give dad and son the opportunity to spend more time together. The father is obliged to take an interest in the boy’s success at school and help him solve difficult problems. The son must learn to consult with his dad if he does not know what to do.

A seven-year-old should not be treated like a three-year-old. You need to talk to a 7-year-old boy like an adult. Dad and son can go to the forest, fishing, or play sports together. The main thing for a father is to become an authority for his child. The correct life position of a parent will protect his son from the bad influence of the street.

A 7-year-old child is going through a difficult period of growing up. He's just learning to live. He needs the care and love of loved ones. If parents want to raise their son correctly, they need to know the rules for raising boys. From childhood, a child must be taught responsibility, work, and discipline. The boy must learn to finish what he starts and not give in to difficulties. Adults have a serious responsibility - to raise a man who can independently achieve goals and overcome any difficulties.

If parents are faced with problems in raising children and cannot find a way out of a difficult situation, they need to turn to psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valeryevich Baturin. In addition, we recommend exploring the YouTube channel, where you will find many videos on various psychological topics.