Stubborn child: reasons, characteristics of upbringing, levers of influence

Give space to the child

From the first years of a child’s life, parents little by little try to teach him independence, responsibility for all his actions and independence of judgment. It is difficult for adults to stay on the edge - not to “stifle” with their advice and total control, not to “crush” with authority, not to exaggerate with the number of threats, punishments and praise.

But even advanced mothers who constantly analyze their teaching experience and the mistakes they make, giving their children the opportunity to freely communicate, have their own opinions, feel equal, and at the same time be loved and pampered, can raise a stubborn, capricious child.

Let's talk about stubbornness

Stubbornness is not a completely negative human character trait. Its positive features include self-confidence, correct perseverance, adequate self-esteem (of one’s strengths, intelligence...). Stubborn people know how to set a goal and achieve it, even if the circumstances and people around them resist. On the other hand, a very stubborn child from time to time will not take into account the opinions of mom and dad and especially grandparents (if they, of course, take part in upbringing), respect them (or pretend to). For adults this is a really difficult situation. Raising a stubborn child can turn into a difficult, exhausting, and sometimes futile struggle for parents and older generations. Moreover, this is a struggle not “for”, but “against” - the dearest, most beloved and so dependent on adults little person.

Is stubbornness good or bad?

In fact, any parent who has ever complained about a child's stubbornness means something different about it. No two children are alike, and this trait will be individual in each individual case. You can come to an agreement with one child, but not with another. One is stubborn only in matters that are important to him, the other is ready to argue over any of his mother’s phrases or statements. Therefore, it is by no means impossible to say that a child is stubborn in the abstract.

The first thing you need to note for yourself is when and under what circumstances the baby becomes stubborn. Then try to find the reasons for such behavior, both external and internal, and only then begin the difficult work of finding a solution to the problem.

It is important to note that many parents choose the wrong position. Wanting to see an “obedient angel” in the child, they begin to fight not for maintaining peace in the family and mutual understanding with their own child, but against him and for the sake of eradicating the “negative character trait”

After all, as a rule, when faced with stubbornness, we notice only the negative side: it is difficult to come to an agreement with such a child, to convince him of anything, he is reluctant to fulfill requests, and especially the orders of his parents.

But is this so bad for the child himself? Stubbornness, first of all, speaks of the child’s adequate self-esteem and self-confidence. Such a child can be persistent in achieving a goal, try to find different ways to solve the problems he faces, will not allow someone else’s point of view to be imposed on himself, and therefore, with the right approach to education, will be less susceptible to the influence of a bad example. Is it bad?

Therefore, if a child is moderately stubborn, parents can only rejoice and learn to negotiate, gradually transforming seemingly meaningless stubbornness into perseverance. This means filling the gaps in education.

A stubborn person must be taught to negotiate, justify his point of view and try to direct the child’s persistence in a constructive direction. And, probably, after some time you will be proud of your intractable child, who achieved considerable results where his peers retreated.

Attempts to harshly and categorically re-educate a child, to impose your point of view on him, to force him to obey can lead to the most disastrous results. Perhaps the child will become more obedient and “comfortable,” but the price of obedience may be very high: self-esteem will suffer, the child may develop neurosis, and trust will be lost.

You only need to fight sharply negative manifestations of stubbornness. And this must be done by gently understanding the reasons for the child’s negativism.

Inability to control emotions

So why is the child stubborn? It is quite difficult to understand the origins of his incorrect behavior. It seems to adults that children who do not yet go to school have an absolutely calm life without worries. After all, they don’t even need to learn lessons yet. But psychologists believe that stubbornness first appears in children at the age of three: it is then that children begin to evaluate their personality and themselves in a completely new way. At this age, children begin to become acquainted with new emotions, but they have not yet learned to control them. The result is a very vivid reaction to words and events. It manifests itself in the form of whims, disobedience, hysterics and resentment.

Stubborn children

What is stubbornness?

A child’s stubbornness is one of the most important and problematic topics in raising children.
It is possible that in children's stubbornness, many adults see a challenge to the teacher's own competence, a threat to their authority in the eyes of the child. It is this circumstance that makes adults want to fight stubbornness, without understanding the reasons why the child behaves this way, without trying to understand that an adult can, through his own behavior, further provoke the child’s resistance. Tenaciously striving to prove that they are right and competent, insisting on their own, adults show the same stubbornness. It turns out to be a vicious circle, where the stubborn behavior of one person gives rise to the same reciprocal stubbornness of another. Persistence and stubbornness should not be confused. Perseverance occurs when a child wants to get something and achieves it. Stubbornness is the reaction of a child who insists on something not because he really wants it, but because he himself told adults about it and demands that his opinion be taken into account. He cannot change his original decision even under changed circumstances. A stubborn child insists on something he doesn’t want very much, or doesn’t want at all, or has long since stopped wanting.

During a bout of stubbornness, children produce large amounts of adrenaline, a hormone that causes stress. They throw themselves on the floor, kick their legs, wave their arms. Or they scream until they lose their breath, and after catching their breath, they continue in a new circle. Or they may remain sullenly silent. If the attack of stubbornness is particularly violent, then the kids bang their heads against the wall or floor. During an attack of stubbornness, children have difficulty hearing and seeing, and cannot stand being touched at this moment. They are unable to control themselves.

Usually the attack of stubbornness lasts several minutes. In severe form, it can last up to an hour. During an attack, the child expends almost all his strength, and afterwards feels empty.

Age characteristics

The period of stubbornness is an inevitable phase of development that a child goes through during critical moments of development at 1 year, 3 years, 7 years and in adolescence.

Features of the first year include capricious stubbornness, which the child uses whenever he is prevented from crawling, walking, touching what is interesting, without offering anything in return or in protest against unpleasant or unexpected actions of an adult.

2 years is the most inappropriate time to deal with the stubbornness of children, since it has not only psychological, but also physiological roots. There is a functional specialization of the cerebral cortex. The left is responsible for logic, analytical abstract thinking, and control of behavior. The right controls imaginative thinking; it is the center of emotions and subconscious processes. Some, as a rule, have a better developed left hemisphere - these are mathematicians, programmers, linguists, while others have a right hemisphere - these are people with a penchant for synthesis, creativity and the humanities.

In a newborn, both hemispheres are “right”, and only gradually one of them begins to “turn left” - it focuses the functions of consciousness, control and speech, which becomes noticeable by the age of 2. A small child needs play, spontaneity, the opportunity to directly express emotions (including negative ones: dissatisfaction, resentment, irritation, fears), and constant pressure, prohibitions, and restrictions are contraindicated. Parents who ignore these characteristics of their children constantly teach, explain, demand the fulfillment of many instructions, overload the still immature left hemisphere, and artificially accelerate its development. A physiological imbalance occurs.

As a result, the child no longer “hears” the stream of parental comments, demands and threats, he fumbles around, takes a long time to get dressed and undressed, which infuriates his parents even more. Constant lectures and punishments only aggravate the child’s condition, and as a result, he begins to perceive everything the other way around, says “no” instead of “yes,” becomes capricious and refuses everything.

The age of three is especially difficult for a parent. At this time, the child begins to realize himself, understand that he is a separate person from others, and a desire for independence appears. The child tries to influence his parents using new opportunities - to refuse, to resist, to insist on something, to run away, etc. He wants to do as he decided, although he may change his mind later.

The next age crisis is around 7 years old, when the child strives to feel like an adult, to get out of parental care, when he wants to take responsibility for his behavior and expresses dissatisfaction and stubbornness when his parents correct him or insist on something. .

Reasons for stubbornness

Until the age of 7, a child is subject to frequent and sudden changes in his life: a trip to a relative, a weekend with his grandmother. If adults do not prepare a child for upcoming events and trips, he may become frightened, overwhelmed and overwhelmed by such sudden events. The child may experience and experience pain from the loss of his usual way of life, environment and nutrition. Having accumulated experience in such situations, the child begins to resist any changes and innovations. He answers “no” to every new proposal.

Another source of stubbornness is the exploitation by adults of the child’s talents and abilities. Having noticed good hearing, the ability to draw or other abilities, parents or educators begin to overactively develop them, turning them into work, something that was done for pleasure. So the child loses the pleasure that he felt from his abilities and sometimes forever refuses them and prevents their manifestation, saying “no” in order to protect his right to choose what he likes.

The development of stubbornness is facilitated by authoritarianism and strict control of parents. If parents are categorical, overly demanding, impatient, make constant comments, react violently, if their demands are not immediately fulfilled, constantly threaten and punish, then the child has little space for initiative and independent decisions. The child is forced to do this and that, as the adult said, he is deprived of the right to choose, the right to vote. However, he instinctively understands that the right to choose is very important for the development of his personality. When this choice is denied, the child resists the attack on his personality and will. He screams, “No, I won’t do it,” or passively protests, “No, you can’t force me.” Stubbornness may be the only way to assert your rights. Growing up, the child does not trust any authority and openly rebels when someone tries to tell him what to do.

Children who are nursed, pampered, indulged in all their whims and desires, often become stubborn when something does not go the way they are used to. It seems to them that parents should always do what they want; they don’t know how to do anything for themselves. Such a child does not know how to make decisions independently, cope with a new situation, new problems, express his feelings in an acceptable way, or take into account the capabilities and desires of others.

Perhaps stubbornness is a form of statement about oneself, about one’s desires and feelings that is accessible to a child. A paradoxical situation arises: a child can express his desires through an expression of reluctance. But it is known that children cannot talk about what they do not know how to talk about, and realizing their desires and expressing them in a form understandable to others is not an easy task. It is hardly possible to solve it without the help of adults.

Children's stubbornness can be caused by feelings of resentment, anger, anger directed towards their parents.

In this case, stubbornness acts as a means of revenge, when the child acts contrary to, out of spite, adults. Most often, this is how deep problems in parent-child relationships manifest themselves.

What should you do to prevent stubbornness from becoming chronic?

When dealing with stubborn people, adults must first of all give up confrontation. You cannot demand respect for yourself and not respect others. Recognize your child's right to make mistakes. Let him himself be able to experience the unpleasant consequences of his stubbornness. Making mistakes and correcting them is not the worst way of personal development, and help should only be offered and not imposed.
Giving in does not mean showing weakness. The one who gives in shows foresight, cares about the one he loves, and shows the stubborn little guy an example of different behavior. This does not apply to fundamental points where there can be no objections, for example: crossing the road only hand in hand with your mother, going to bed from nine to ten, having breakfast in the morning, etc. But in other cases, you need to give in to the child, then he will feel equality, importance and independence.
Before imposing a ready-made solution on your child, ask him what he would like to do. Invite your child to make his own choice, let him make the decision himself. If your child feels able to do something or make a decision without you, he will feel great satisfaction. In the future, faith in one’s own strength will help the child overcome life’s obstacles, he will become purposeful and persistent.
Try to avoid situations that cause stubbornness, so as not to reinforce in your child’s memory that by such behavior he can achieve what he wants. Be wiser, pose questions so that they cannot be answered in the negative. Don’t ask your child a question to which you already have an answer and a ready-made solution, but he may answer differently, for example: “Do you want lunch?” Even if the child answers “no,” you will still force him to eat. In this case, it is better to say: “It’s time for lunch.”
Don’t spoil your children, don’t allow everything, don’t indulge everyone’s whims, don’t do for the child what he can do for himself. Children must understand that events may not always go the way they want, but they must be able to cope with it.
Try to be a flexible parent, set an example for your child to respond flexibly to various circumstances and situations. The development of behavioral flexibility occurs through the development of body flexibility. Let the child be mobile, active, dexterous. Use bodily contact and stroking to relieve muscle tension that forms during reactions of stubbornness and tension.

How to calm a crying, rebellious, angry baby?

In such a situation, many words are not needed. It is best to quickly and decisively distract the child's attention and attract him to something more interesting and joyful.
You shouldn’t prove to your child right there on the spot that he should be obedient and not disgrace his mother, that “it’s time to get used to obeying the first time.” It takes a little time for the baby to switch.
When you don't like a child's behavior, don't shame, scold or punish him, don't give him nicknames.
Talk to your child about his feelings, show that you understand him. (“I know you’re upset, it happens to me too when things don’t work out.”)
You can draw anger with him (let it be a scrawl). Then together you can tear or crumple the drawing and throw it away. Read other exercises in the article “Anger Management” (active link to the article).
You can offer him to do several physical exercises to “get rid of the anger” (squash the anger in your fists, fight with pillows). Perhaps he himself will offer some way to release anger, listen to him.
Act with respect for the child, kindly and kindly, but at the same time be firm and persistent, do not deviate from your plans. You can offer your child a limited choice (“You can do it now or in 5 minutes”).
Do not force your child to make promises that he “won’t do it again.” This will only teach him to lie.
By getting your child to display only positive, good qualities, you will unwittingly contribute to the accumulation of negativity in the soul and the development of nervousness.

In this way, you will teach your child to cope with negative experiences rather than accumulate them. In addition, the child will know that it is the behavior that is bad, not himself, and his self-esteem will not suffer, he will not be tormented by guilt, which is a very destructive stress. The child must constantly be made to understand that he is loved, that he is important and valuable to his parents.

*This material was prepared based on the manual “Learning to be good parents for children aged 3 to 7 years”

Reasons for children's stubbornness

Yes, it happens that a stubborn child grows up in a family. How to raise such a child correctly? To correct his behavior, you first need to establish the reasons why he is stubborn. Most often, the following factors lead to disobedience in children who do not yet attend school:

Emotional background in the family. If a child sees frequent conflicts between parents and other family members, then stubbornness will be a natural reaction to this. This is how the child tries to attract the attention of adults.
Crisis of three years. Psychologists believe that a child goes through his first age crisis at the age of three or four years. It was during this period that significant changes were observed in his behavior. Stubbornness is precisely one of the clearest manifestations of this.
Individual characteristics of a preschool child. We must not forget that the baby is also a person, therefore, he develops his own temperament, his own character. It is possible that stubbornness is simply part of a child's character.
Features of education. Treating your baby too softly can often lead to him feeling like he's the center of the whole family's filming. And in this case, children's stubbornness will be a response to any “disobedience” on the part of mom and dad. The situation will be exactly the same in families that practice very strict rules of upbringing.

Stubbornness and persistence

So, stubbornness is a type of child behavior when the demands made by significant adults are ignored or subject to categorical refusal and resistance. Often, stubbornness manifests itself illogically, spontaneously, or even contrary to the wishes of the child himself - the main thing is not to give in to the adult.

Persistence is more logical in nature; its manifestations have a reason recognized by the child. Persistence is a volitional quality of a person and consists in the ability to achieve a goal, overcoming external and internal difficulties.

Based on this, the first thing a parent needs to do is to analyze the behavior of his child and the situations in which his stubbornness manifests itself. Usually a child has no problems getting dressed, but today he categorically does not want to go out in these pants and a sweater, argues and rests his feet on the doorway? Congratulations! Most likely, your child is persistent in achieving a very conscious goal: choosing clothes on his own. Why not let him do it?

Give your child, whether persistent or stubborn, small or adult, the right to choose, ask his opinion, so you will help him form adequate self-esteem and make it clear that his opinion is taken into account. You shouldn’t give complete freedom in how to dress/eat/walk, but rather provide an alternative in the form of two to three options

You can resort to a little trick if you know in advance that the child will answer your question categorically. Instead of “do you want to go for a walk?”, ask “do you want to go for a walk in the park or playground?”

Of course, there are situations in which the child is not yet able to navigate and act independently, and, accordingly, you cannot give him the right to choose in them. In such cases, it is worth explaining in a form understandable to the child the need to follow certain rules and demand their implementation.

How to make contact?

In a family where a stubborn child grows up, parents know that it is very difficult to come to an agreement with him. The baby already has his own opinion, and if mom or dad doesn’t agree with him, a serious conflict can arise. Attempts to persuade a child to do something or even force him usually end in an emotional outburst. Parents, on the one hand, should not succumb to such behavior, and on the other, they should not resist. After all, at first the stubborn child will still be the winner. What to do in this situation? The best thing adults will do in this case is to begin to establish contact with the baby, and then begin to re-educate him.

Parents should understand that their child’s stubbornness is not a behavioral defect in most cases. This is how the baby tries to show internal emotional tension. Therefore, the usually used system of rewards and punishments does not give the desired effect, but only aggravates the situation. You need to start with something simple - communicate with your child as often as possible, even when whims appear, adults need to calmly react to this. You can’t stop the dialogue, you can’t go to another room, and you also shouldn’t give in to manipulation. Most likely, this will be enough - the baby will understand that it is useless to put pressure on parents with stubbornness, and will not use it.

Reacting to stubbornness

If a stubborn and disobedient child grows up in a family, it is important to learn how to respond correctly to his behavior.

Mom and dad need to find a compromise. And kindly and with patience. For example, a daughter wants to wear a New Year’s dress to kindergarten. She tearfully refuses to try on something else that her mother offers her. In this case, you can agree that in kindergarten she will wear beautiful shoes, a festive hairstyle and an elegant handbag. And you can save the dress for some holiday, for example, for the New Year or the celebration of one of the children. Sometimes you can give in to the child, only by explaining that this is not the result of his whims, but the good will of the mother. Here we mean something simple, but not important situations and serious matters, such as going to the doctor or vaccinations. Let (in very rare cases) a growing child of 5 years old - stubborn and capricious - make his choice and act as he himself wants. Sometimes parents have to let him pay for his mistake.

Adults must control themselves. Regardless of what the baby does or says (“I don’t love you!”, “You’re wrong!”). We must understand that his behavior and character are the result of his parents’ pedagogical efforts and some miscalculations. We need to talk to a capricious baby. Take the time to explain your position and its benefits. But under no circumstances should you put pressure on the child or threaten him. After all, such methods do not work with real stubborn people.

"Teach me bad things"

Everything is clear with age-related crises, but what if a child is stubborn, regardless of age? Of course, we can say that every person has an innate temperament, this is true, but acquired character traits are developed by the environment. To figure out why the baby is not compliant, does not want to obey, and insists on his own way at every convenient and inconvenient opportunity, you should pay attention to the situation in the family.

A bad example is contagious

Before scolding your child for being stubborn, think about whether he is copying your behavior. Perhaps one of the parents also does not know how to compromise, negotiate and is confident in his own rightness, while the other is forced to obey? The child easily grasps such a situation and copies the behavior that he considers more beneficial for himself. Agree, it is much more convenient to try to dictate your terms than to constantly follow the requirements, which, moreover, can change depending on the mood and desire of the elder.

Unlike a child, an adult is able to reconsider his behavior and try to set a different example for the child. Try to argue less in the presence of your baby, demonstrate to him that any issue can be discussed or a compromise can be found.

Too many demands

A child from whom too much is demanded will also be stubborn. Watch yourself to see if you are telling your child too often: “sit up straight,” “don’t run,” “don’t scream.” A child simply needs to run, and scream, and get into a dirty puddle. When prohibitions rain down on a child, he simply doesn’t know what he can do and tries to somehow defend his right to remain a child.

Imagine that almost every action you take is followed by a shout. Every half hour your behavior causes dissatisfaction. Whatever you do turns out to be “wrong.” I think that in such a situation there would be less stubbornness, which even an adult would oppose to such pressure. But the baby perceives everything much more acutely!

Reduce the number of prohibitions, think about whether it’s worth pulling your child back once again, or is it still possible to let him chase pigeons and stroke the cat? Be sure to prepare an argument for each “no” and use this excuse only when it is really necessary. Discuss with your child all the issues on which conflicts arise, look for compromises, and learn to give in sometimes.

Overprotection

Oddly enough, excessive care can also be the cause of stubbornness in a child. I think many have already guessed why: the child simply needs personal space and the right to independence. If one baby calmly waits for you to tie his shoelaces, the other will begin to rebel against this after a while. And, by the way, the second option is much better.

You’re not going to spend your whole life lifting a child, putting a hat on him, and groaning over a broken knee? If the baby begins to be stubborn in response to your “good intentions,” it’s time to moderate your ardor a little and give the child the opportunity to do feasible things on his own and move a little further than three steps away from you during a walk.

The child is simply spoiled

Another reason for the appearance of a stubborn child in a family is permissiveness. If the baby is pampered from birth, allowed to behave as he wants and only encourages pranks, the baby begins to think that the world revolves around him and simply does not want to listen to those who do not agree with his opinion.

A spoiled child simply has not encountered the word “no” and reacts very sharply to prohibitions. As a rule, such behavior is easily corrected if parents change their approach to education and determine for themselves and for the child what is and is not possible. After some time, the stubborn person comes to terms with the need to obey certain rules. The most important thing is not to overdo it - it is necessary to prohibit and set boundaries only where they are really needed: household duties, personal responsibility, respectful attitude towards other people.

Gently and firmly insist on your point. If you demand blind obedience from a child, use screaming and punishment for this, the result will most likely be the opposite. After all, you will create a situation in which it is important to “re-obstinate” in order to defend at least a little personal space. And a spoiled child, faced with prohibitions for the first time, perceives them exactly this way. After all, his unshakable right to command, to set rules was taken away from him, he is being “infringed upon.”

Interacting with a stubborn baby

Raising a stubborn child and communicating with him should be built on the principles of trust. Then it will be a little easier to interact with him.

For the little ones, the option with distraction is suitable. This method will be most effective for those who are experiencing a crisis at the age of three. You can carry small bright objects with you - whistles, toys, books, balloons, soap bubbles. If the baby is stubborn and does not want to leave a walk on the playground, you can whistle whistles, inflate colorful balloons, sing songs or tell poems (the mother should know a lot of them and quote them on various occasions) and fairy tales.

It often happens that nothing seems to have happened, but the child is stubborn. 4 years is the age when fairy tale therapy is still a separate item. Many of the famous Russian folk tales are suitable for drawing conclusions about the harmfulness of stubbornness. For example, “Masha and the Three Bears” - a girl, without listening to her mother, ran into the forest, just like that, out of pure stubbornness. And there she ended up in a hut where a family of bears lived. Everyone knows how it ended. Or “The Tale of Little Red Riding Hood,” in which the girl did not listen to her mother and began talking to the gray wolf, telling him where she was going and why. The result is also known to everyone.

A warm, respectful, kind family atmosphere will be beneficial. Constant “hugs”, things that can and should be done together, occupational therapy (taking into account the baby’s age and gender) will help neutralize the peculiarities of raising a stubborn child. After all, often his stubbornness is just a sign that the baby is uncomfortable, he is offended by his parents, he is stressed, and he does not feel happiness in the house. You just need to love your child, no matter how disobedient, capricious, or stubborn. Then he will learn to appreciate, respect, and love his parents. And, if possible, obey.

Stubbornness and persistence

A bad trait only in childhood

During children's whims, it is quite difficult for adults to control themselves. In front of them is their beloved, adored, but such a stubborn child. How to behave correctly with him?

We must remember that if parents scream and show their anger to the child, he becomes convinced that he has managed to manipulate adults with certain tools. It is quite understandable that when a child comes to such a conclusion, it is not a fact that he will stop being stubborn. Most likely, his cruel experiment will continue.

So, a stubborn child grows up in a family. How to set boundaries of what is permitted? First of all, we must try to understand that stubbornness is a bad trait only in childhood. In the future, she will help the child, making him more confident in his own abilities, giving him the opportunity to defend his point of view in any situation. That is why it is very important not to nip in the bud all the “harmfulness” of the child, not to overdo it in raising the child too firmly, literally from under the stick, and try not to suppress his craving for actions and arguments in defiance.

Reasons for stubbornness

There are many situations in which parents worry that they have a stubborn child growing up. How do you set boundaries on what is and isn't okay?

We must immediately point out that this quality manifests itself in children who are two years old. This is due to the fact that children grow up, they develop an understanding that they can influence events or even become a central figure in them. Quite often, such difficult behavior of children helps them increase their self-esteem, because as soon as they begin to persist, parents begin to persuade them or even voice threats. Most of the kids watch this with a smile. Especially if these threats from parents remain verbal.

This is how a stubborn child has fun. How to set the boundaries of what is permitted in communicating with him and in raising him?

The only way to do this is to resort to tougher measures. Parents should come up with a few main rules and try to teach their child to follow them. There shouldn't be many rules. The main thing is that they are uncomplicated. And it is very important not to deviate from the rules you created yourself. The child must understand what his responsibilities include and how he will be punished if he refuses to fulfill them.

How can a stubborn child be punished? How to set the boundaries of what he is allowed to do and what is prohibited?

When you have to raise a stubborn person, it is very important not to show him your own softness. If the baby behaves badly, and his mother told him to go to his room without dinner, you need to follow your own words. After all, a stubborn child must understand that parental words have weight.

If in a store the baby does not ask, but demands to buy him a toy or sweets, you should clearly explain why the mother cannot buy it right now. A motivational system is useful for stubborn people. For example, come up with a rule according to which, if a child cleans up his toys himself, then you can reward him with a delicious chocolate bar, a small doll or a car.

If your child is stubborn about food, you should not rush to punish, but try to figure out what exactly he doesn’t like. There is no need to force him to eat; it is better to try to find a better alternative.

Only a parent's firm and confident tone can stop the child's unacceptable actions. The baby must immediately understand what mom or dad wants from him. You should not ask your child questions like “Why are you doing this?”, because they contribute to the child’s philosophical thinking. You just have to say: “Stop,” “Stop it immediately.” But when the baby follows the order, you must be prepared for the fact that you will have to answer his many questions. He will want to know why he shouldn't play with matches or touch a hot iron. The mother needs to stop everything she is doing for literally five minutes and talk to the baby, giving him a clear answer.

Stubborn child - what to do

The main thing for understanding how to raise a stubborn child is the desire to maintain a balance between maintaining his independence and strength, while suppressing the belief that the whole world is subject to his every whim. The desire to completely change a child should not appear on your list of tasks, since stubbornness is not his whim, but an innate quality, a feature that has both positive and negative sides. The parental task includes developing strong and practical aspects and leveling out the frustrating effects.

Your task will be to strictly adhere to your boundaries, while you must provide your child with an area of influence. Most stubbornness is caused by a lack of choice, so you can provide it, but within your limits. Those. You don't ask a child where he wants to go and then silently fulfill his whims or prohibit a choice that is not available to you - all this is in the realm of violence. You give him a choice from what will suit you initially, i.e. two specific places to choose from that you are ready to visit. The same should happen with clothes; if you understand that you need to dress warmly, then you do not let the selection process take its course by handing over the child, but give him the opportunity to decide for himself whether to wear a warm jacket with a hood or a hat. This style forms a partnership where there is a clear primacy of your boundaries, but the child does not act as a silent, submissive toy.

In moments when you are unable to achieve understanding quickly and the child continues to be stubborn, then instead of pressing with force (which will cause even greater resistance), put aside your haste and start listening to the child, his arguments and description of his emotional state. This will help you understand him better and perhaps find another way out, because there are times when parents are wrong, on the other hand, the more the child describes his condition, the more aggressive stubbornness will be replaced by a feeling of helplessness and impotence. It is stubbornness in its most severe form that indicates that the child simply does not know how to change the situation, he needs your help and support, but he cannot ask for it directly, since at the time of the conflict you are not on the same side. Your task, by listening to your child, is to show him that there are rules and requirements, but this does not mean that you have abandoned him, he must understand that you are always on his side.

Monitor your behavior and the frequency of refusals - children copy the behavior patterns of adults, and if the child hears refusals to most of his requests or suggestions, expressed desires, then soon you will begin to hear refusals. The baby will do this unconsciously, because he will perceive this way of reacting as normal, and therefore comments and punishments for this will undermine his worldview. In such a case, you should start with yourself and try to formulate the answer as positive, perhaps making certain amendments, but be sure to carry out what was said. And before you fight stubbornness, exclude real facts (perhaps he does not resist writing, but is simply left-handed, perhaps this is not a rebellion against dinner, but his grandmother recently fed him), because to fight stubbornness when this is far from it, and parents are against tyrants can break both your relationship and the child’s psyche.