Kindergarten is the first institution in which a child finds himself in conditions completely different from home. He is offered new rules to follow. Of course, this upsets the child, and it’s rare that a child happily runs to kindergarten. Adaptation may take several months. To smooth out the child’s negative impression of the child care facility, parents should pay attention to the following circumstances.
Nutrition
“Sadikovskaya” cuisine is very different from home. It smells and looks different, and the taste may be completely unfamiliar. This does not mean that food in the garden is better or worse than at home. She's just different. The child simply did not try many dishes from the official assortment at home. To make the introduction to kindergarten dishes less harsh, you can start cooking at home using the same ingredients and offer your child dishes from the kindergarten menu. You can recognize it in kindergarten - it is usually posted near the kitchen, in the locker room, or published on the institution’s website. You can learn about the recipe and cooking algorithm from the kitchen staff or assistant teacher.
Getting used to eating in kindergarten takes an average of two months - during this time the child may not eat well, and this is to be expected. If the mother is concerned specifically about nutrition, then she should mentally prepare for this period. Almost every child categorically refuses to eat anything in the first couple of days in kindergarten. Should I supplement at home in the evening or offer him breakfast in the morning? Each mother decides for herself, but you need to understand that after eating a homemade breakfast, the child most likely will not eat it in kindergarten. And if he gets used to having dinner both in the garden and at home, this can lead to overfeeding and, in the future, to eating disorders.
What to do? Just wait the time necessary to adapt. If, after two months, the child still has not started eating according to the proposed regimen, it makes sense to seek advice from a pediatrician or child psychologist. Perhaps the child doesn’t eat not because it doesn’t taste good, but because he doesn’t feel comfortable in kindergarten. It is impossible to eat without feeling confident, safe and comfortable. If a child does not eat in the garden, the parent’s task is to figure out how the child feels.
We also read:
- Memo to parents: 20 reasons why a child does not eat in kindergarten, and what to do about it (part 1)
- If a child does not eat anything in kindergarten: reasons and what to do (part 2)
Objective reasons
The entire classification described is appropriate if children of all named types are in exactly the same conditions, but in practice this does not happen. You've probably noticed that you seem to be drawn to one job, but you go to another as if you were going to hard labor. However, the desire or reluctance to go to a specific job or to a specific kindergarten can be due to both permanent and impermanent reasons, and sometimes the problem of children’s tears can be solved by recognizing and eliminating such reasons
Here's what you should pay attention to:
Poor adaptation is a universal answer to the question of why children don’t want to go to kindergarten, but psychologists use this term only if a child in an unfamiliar environment is repulsed and frightened by literally everything. But this concept can be broken down into a number of smaller and specific reasons: some people don’t like to get up early and go somewhere in any bad weather, others feel insecure in a team (another question - in any, or in this particular one), others simply do not want to listen to strangers.
- Sometimes children in kindergarten simply do not have enough parents. It is clear that for the first time everyone misses them, but some are so accustomed to being looked after every minute that now they are simply lost and do not understand what to do and how to behave. We are talking about a lack of independence - perhaps over time the baby will gain it, but for now he will have to be patient.
- Children have a great need for communication – much more so than adults. As the classic said, nowhere do you feel as lonely as in a crowd, and this can also fully apply to children. No one seems to offend you, but there is no special attention to you either - how can you not feel depressed?
- The reason for an acute reluctance to attend kindergarten may be the behavior of other children. It is no secret that children are quite cruel creatures, simply because they do not yet realize how much they are capable of offending another person. They can tease and call people names, but at this age the target of ridicule does not yet know how to think critically about such situations and remain indifferent. Some start calling names in response or even rush into a fight, while others get offended, feel rejected by the team and cry.
- The funny thing is that in some cases, children’s crying in kindergarten is provoked by the mother herself, who brings the baby. She is very worried about leaving her beloved child for the whole day in the company of other people's children, under the supervision of a good, but also someone else's aunt, so she can demonstrate her excitement or, even worse, even shed a tear. Children feel such things very subtly and easily project their parents’ emotions onto themselves. Simply put, this behavior from their mother frankly scares them.
Important: you didn’t abandon him!
The first visits to kindergarten are the most painful. The child does not want to part with his parents; he may think that he is being abandoned. To prevent this from happening, it is important to spend a lot of time with the child during the adaptation period. You need to give him maximum attention and effort, play games that are important to him and that he loves. The child should feel that his family is with him. And this will be the time when your phone or tablet will be turned off, and all your attention will be entirely devoted to it.
List of possible causes and solutions
To help your child, it is important to find the root of the problem. The reasons may vary.
Early rise
A rigid schedule that requires a child to wake up early leads to a stressful situation. A more patient baby, getting enough sleep on the go, slowly gets dressed and, stumbling, follows the parent to kindergarten. A baby with a less stable psyche violently expresses his emotions - he refuses to get out of bed, cries, and falls on the floor.
In winter, the situation is aggravated by the pitch-black darkness outside the window, so that the child feels as if he is being lifted up at night. In big cities, the burden of a long journey is added, when you need to wake up very early so that the mother has time before work, during rush hour, to travel several stops by minibus to the kindergarten and hand over her child to the teacher.
Solution
Wise parents begin to prepare their child for a change in routine even before visiting kindergarten, gradually transferring him to an early rise. In order for your child to get enough sleep, you need to put him to bed on time in the evenings, not allowing him to stay up late. You should not show your baby cartoons at night or play active games, as an excited baby will fall asleep for a long time and may wake up in the middle of the night.
A good calming ritual would be to read a book before bed.
Making plans for the day will help make getting up in the morning more comfortable. Even in the evening, parents can tell the child that in the morning they will go to watch the sun rise (birds wake up, trams), allow them to take a new toy to kindergarten to show it to peers or candy to treat a friend. Then the baby will look forward to the next day, and when he wakes up, he will enthusiastically get ready for the journey.
A change of scenery
The house is nice and cozy, all subjects are studied and familiar. At home, the baby is surrounded by close people - his beloved daddy and mommy. And suddenly the situation changes dramatically: the baby finds himself in unfamiliar territory and spends the whole day there, surrounded by strange adults and children, obeying a new routine. Such stress can bring a child out of a balanced state. What to do in this situation?
Solution
Close people can help the baby and soften the adaptation period. It is recommended not to leave the child in kindergarten for a long time at the beginning. It is better to bring him to the group for 1-2 hours, and then gradually increase the time of stay. A successful achievement can be considered the moment when the baby agreed to stay and go to bed after dinner.
In some kindergartens, officially, with the conclusion of an agreement, mothers are allowed to remain in the group in the first days. If there is no such service, you can offer the child to take a “piece of home” with him to kindergarten, for example, a favorite toy. It’s not so scary to be in a new environment with her.
Conflicts with the teacher
It is possible that the child does not want to go to kindergarten because of a negative relationship with the teacher. There are unscrupulous people among teachers. There are those who simply do not pay individual attention to children, and in this case, the child, upon entering kindergarten, is left alone with his fears and doubts. Others direct the actions of the children with the help of a commanding voice, shouts and hurtful words.
Playing kindergarten at home will help determine the root of the problem. You can invite your child to play the role of a teacher, and dolls or soft toys will become children. The way a child interacts with toys can reflect the real picture of what is happening in a real kindergarten.
Solution
You should observe the teacher: how she talks to little visitors, how she resolves conflicts, how attentive she is to the needs of the children. If problems are identified, it is worth talking to her, perhaps this will help resolve the situation. What to do if there are obvious violations in the teacher’s behavior? A blatant lack of professionalism requires parental intervention.
You can contact the head of the kindergarten and talk about changing the teacher.
All conversations about the incompetence of “Marya Ivanovna” should be conducted in the absence of the child. The baby needs to be tuned in to positive aspects, otherwise his stay in kindergarten will become unbearable.
Meals
Some dishes on the kindergarten menu can be a real challenge for the little one. Nasty milk foam, vinaigrette, hated beetroot soup or semolina porridge - how to force yourself to eat this food? The worst thing is when the teacher demands to empty the plate, not allowing you to get up from the table. The child does not want to go to kindergarten, being horrified at the mere memory of this process.
Solution
What to do if your baby overeats and some foods trigger his gag reflex? It is necessary to discuss this nuance with teachers. It's good if they don't force the child to eat. In turn, parents should not give their baby cookies and other sweets with them to kindergarten, and it is better to cancel a home-made breakfast. Then the likelihood will increase that the child will want to try food from the common table.
Conflicts with peers
By joining the team, the baby learns to live in society. Not everything works out smoothly, especially since many children, having watched enough of cruel cartoons, carry the example of such behavior into life. They can laugh at the shortcomings of others and offend weaker children.
The picture doesn't have to be so bleak. Perhaps the child is crying because of a quarrel with a friend. Or maybe he has a first love that is not reciprocated?
Solution
If other children in the group offend the baby, it is necessary to draw the teacher’s attention to this situation. The direct responsibility of kindergarten employees is to create comfortable living conditions for the child and prevent conflicts between children.
In other cases (a quarrel with a friend, falling in love for the first time), you should gently and tactfully find out from the child the details of what is happening and, based on the situation, give the right practical advice, reassure and support. You cannot be ironic about feelings, because despite their small stature and minimal life experience, children experience similar problems as adults.
Daytime nap
The problem of falling asleep during quiet hours occurs often. The baby cannot relax and feel comfortable in a shared bedroom with a large number of other children. To smooth out this discomfort, you can give your child a toy with you to kindergarten, with which he will fall asleep. It is important that the baby chooses this toy himself. It may not even be a toy, but some personal item from home. It will give him a feeling of peace, security, and help him relax. You need to discuss this point with the teacher. Teachers usually meet you halfway, you just need to inform them about the peculiarities of your child falling asleep.
In the West, there is simply no such thing as quiet time. At least, definitely not in the understanding to which we are accustomed. In many European gardens, bedrooms and beds for children are simply not provided. It is believed that if a child wants to sleep during the day, he will sit on a sports mat, wearing the same clothes in which he was brought to the garden.
Domestic teachers are of the opinion that in preschool age children need daytime sleep. Many children do not share this opinion and by the age of three or four years they completely abandon daytime sleep. But in kindergarten you need to adhere to the established regime. During quiet time, it is required that the child be in bed and, if not sleeping, then at least lie quietly. It is very difficult to achieve this from a sleepless child.
In most cases, after a period of adaptation, even children who refuse daytime sleep fall asleep during quiet hours. If the child flatly refuses, then the parents should talk with the teachers and jointly find a way to spend time for the baby while the other children are sleeping. For example, a child can play silently in the playroom, or draw, or look at books. Parents can also give him a player with audiobooks. But this option is only suitable for children who can behave quietly and not distract other children and teachers for some time. Yes, you need to understand that a kindergarten is an institution with many children, which means there cannot be an individual approach. The teacher will not work with one “non-regular” child when the rest adhere to the established regime.
Typically, educators take a rather strict position: during quiet hours, a non-sleeping baby should be in bed and lie quietly so as not to wake anyone up. In fact, for a child at this age such a task turns out to be impossible and turns into torture. Think about how you would feel if you didn't want to sleep, but were forced to lie in bed for two hours every day, staring at the ceiling. But this is exactly what educators encourage the child to do - no one will entertain your little one with quiet conversation or read fairy tales to him. Only parents can defend the interests of the child in such sad realities. Talk to the teachers and the principal and try together to come up with an option that suits your child. For example, you can agree that during siesta the baby will quietly go about his business in the play area or the teacher will play him an audio story in the player.
Why does a child not want to go to kindergarten and cries?
If parents are forced to enroll their child in kindergarten before the recommended age, then they may face a rather serious problem - the child’s acute reluctance to attend preschool, which can result in stubborn disobedience.
See also:
Crisis of 3 years in a child - consultation for parents and advice from psychologists
Screams, hysterics, tears - many mothers and fathers have to go through real hell before their baby comes to terms with his fate and begins to treat it differently. It is noteworthy that similar difficulties can be observed at a more mature age, and the main thing is not to break down and give up socialization, because this is the simplest, but not the most correct step.
No, you should not force the child’s will by continuing to take him to the institution that causes him panic, because it is quite possible that there is really something wrong there. It is important to understand the situation, establish the cause of children’s rejection, and only then act, guided by the knowledge gained. And among the most common factors that discourage children from attending preschool education, psychologists identify the following:
- Not ready for the garden. Usually manifests itself in the youngest, who feel a strong need for their mother. In addition, it can also be observed in children of an older age group who have not been accustomed to the regime, independently setting their own daily routine.
- Inability to establish contact with other children.
Most often observed in asocial children who, due to parental overprotection, were maximally limited from communicating with peers. In this case, two scenarios become possible, the first of which assumes the child’s reluctance to join the children’s group, while the second assumes the opposite behavior, manifested in excessive intrusiveness, which can also scare away other kids. - Grievances. Unfortunately, child cruelty is not uncommon, and a child may not want to attend a preschool because of other people's ridicule, which usually relates to appearance, poor pronunciation and other characteristics. In this case, it is unlikely that you will be able to cope with the problem on your own, because the role of the educator, who must control the situation and in every possible way prevent such manifestations, is also of great importance.
- Change of preschool institution. It often happens that parents have to move from place to place, and with them their baby, who is forced to change not only the house, but also the kindergarten. Meanwhile, such changes can be quite painful, because not every group welcomes newcomers.
When a child starts going to kindergarten, a lot of his behavior changes.
In addition, it should not be ruled out that the reason for a child’s reluctance to attend kindergarten lies in the bad attitude of the teacher, because such situations also happen. In addition, children who have serious problems in the family (constant quarrels and conflicts between parents, alcoholism, physical violence) find it much more difficult to adapt to the children's team and this point should also be taken into account.
See also:
A 4-year-old child does not listen and often throws tantrums - what should I do?
A delicate problem
A child can signal in different ways that he is uncomfortable in kindergarten. One of these signals is refusal to defecate in kindergarten. Often children do their “big” toilet chores only at home. This has nothing to do with potty skills. A child can simply relax for such an intimate process only at home, but in kindergarten he feels uncomfortable. During adaptation - that is, in the first two months - this is normal, but then, if the baby is still unable to cope with this discomfort, parents can talk about it with a psychologist.
Conflicts
Fights and other conflicts in the garden are common and a natural process. Children interact, learn to communicate. Few people are born with ideal behavior - this needs to be learned, and in the learning process, children fight and bite. Good manners will be learned gradually. But you will help the baby a lot, start right now teaching him to get to know other children, politely ask for the toy he likes and wait for his turn. These simple lessons can be taught to your child while walking on the playground. But useful skills will not be learned immediately.
If a child fights in kindergarten, parents need to be especially careful. You should not think that everything will go away on its own, or that educators will deal with this problem. But the child is raised by parents, not a kindergarten. That is why the teacher only talks about a conflict or fight, and also tries to prevent it within the walls of the institution, but at the same time strongly recommends that parents talk with the child. The problem is that talking about fighting with a three-year-old is useless. He does not accept notations - neither from parents nor from teachers. The only way out is to stop aggression on the spot. This is exactly what teachers do in the garden. But the rest of the time this is the task of the parents. Only the joint work of teachers in kindergarten and parents at home or on the playground can bring success.
What parents shouldn't do
With their behavior, parents can help the baby or harm. What parenting methods should you avoid?
- You should not be rude when communicating with your child and punish him for not wanting to go to kindergarten. This will cause emotional wounding and further increase stress.
- You should not deceive your child by telling him that he will be picked up from kindergarten soon, when in fact this will happen at the end of the day.
- There is no need to frighten the baby with a child care facility, thus forming an opinion about the kindergarten as a place of punishment.
- It would be wrong to give in to feelings of pity in response to the baby’s tears and persuasion, and to leave him at home at every opportunity. The child should perceive kindergarten as an integral part of his life.
The right approach to forming an opinion about the kindergarten will help the child easily adapt to new conditions. But there are exceptional cases.
