Hysterical in a 2 year old child. How to wean a child from tantrums

Why does a child throw tantrums? Causes

In general, hysteria in a child is a normal phenomenon. In this way, the little man wants to defend his position and get what he wants. Also, the baby’s excited state may indicate illness, overwork, or hunger.

Experts call hysteria a condition in which a child is unable to cope with his emotions on his own; his nervous system is excited. At this moment, neither persuasion nor words have any effect on him, he cannot calm down. In some cases, doctors may prescribe a sedative.

What can cause a two year old to tantrum?

At the age of two, the toddler already has certain desires. He cannot always correctly explain to his parents what exactly he wants. As a result, misunderstandings arise between adults and the child. The baby realizes that he is not understood and may throw tantrums from his own powerlessness.

Kids become very capricious when they get sick or have pain in something: their head, arms, legs.

In case the child is hungry, tired or did not get enough sleep. A little person at this age may not understand the reason for his poor health and begins to be capricious.

Lack of attention. In such situations, the baby will try to attract the attention of adults by any means, including screaming.

During the period of personality formation, children often copy the behavior of the people around them. In particular, his parents are an example for him. If Mom and Dad are often in a bad mood and irritable, it is not surprising that the baby has whims. Children also imitate other children. For example, when a little toddler sees a child crying, he may think that this is normal, thus copying his behavior.

Hysterics can occur in those children from whom their family demands too much. At two years old, a child is still very small and may not understand many things. As a result, he begins to defend himself and cry. Conversely, parents who overprotect their child, depriving him of independence, can also cause the little man to become hysterical.

From an early age, a child needs to be taught norms of behavior. Otherwise, the baby does not understand how to behave correctly - for which actions he can be punished and for which he can be praised.

A child may throw a tantrum if he is taken away from any activity.

Wrong parenting tactics. For example, if you take away an object from a child, but after prolonged whims you return this object, then the child develops a certain model of behavior. He begins to understand that after his hysteria, he will get what he wants.

If the child has a certain temperament (choleric or melancholic). Such children may be more prone to hysterics than others.

Reasons for changes in child behavior

Mothers begin to rack their brains: what caused the bad behavior? What was missing in upbringing?

It seems like some kind of tension is building up and spilling out in this way. (Echomama) Some “tantrums,” in my unprofessional opinion, are caused by the fact that the child has nowhere to dump his energy, just to “go wild.” (Irkin) Maybe we paid too much attention to the eldest, if that happens. (Natalie)

As a rule, mothers beat themselves up in vain. The reason for the deterioration of behavior is different: the baby is entering adolescence, mastering a new system of relations with the outside world. At this age, the desire for independence increases, the desire to cope with simple tasks without the help of parents. Of course, such a desire should be welcomed. But the cost of this period is hysterics, when the child feels that his personality is being infringed upon.

If she wants something, but she can’t give it to her, she makes a face and starts wildly crying and shoving, which immediately stops if she gives in. For now, I give in or try to distract (it’s getting more and more difficult). But I’m terribly afraid that she will get used to the fact that with the help of such a howl you can get everything. (Anka)

This mother's fears are not unfounded. Psychologists say that at the age of one and a half to two years, a child begins to explore the boundaries of what is permitted. And he needs these boundaries, without them he ceases to feel safe. I will quote a fragment from the article “This Terrible Manipulator” from the magazine “Ego”.

“The baby tries to interact with the world and observes the results. If the reaction of the external environment is repeated several times, it is recorded in memory as normal. In the future, trying to make sure of his own safety, the baby pulls the usual strings and waits for the usual results. This is a sign for him that everything is okay. Over time, the child MUST encounter environmental resistance. Receiving no resistance, he subconsciously feels that something is wrong. In the end, he perceives this as a kind of danger. It is important to understand that a child who is hysterical and demanding something is not at all focused on results. His problem is that he needs resistance from others in order to feel a sense of security, but is not able to recognize and solve this problem on his own.”

Consciously or unconsciously, parents are looking for ways out of a crisis situation. Everyone has their own recipes. Some lock the child in the nursery with a recommendation to think about his behavior, or simply go to another room, letting him know that he has no audience. Some children need a stern parental shout to calm down. It can be very effective to explain what a child feels, but does not yet know how to express in words: “I understand, you are tired, you are angry...”

We patiently “drilled into it” that getting what you want without shouting is much more likely than throwing a tantrum. Children are no more stupid than us - logic is quite accessible to them. The child cannot cope with the situation on his own, and from powerlessness he sobs and falls to the floor. And if his parents also yell at him, then this does not help matters at all. Try to negotiate on equal terms. Look at the baby not “from top to bottom,” but sit down next to him: “Let’s think together what we should do.” (Marie)

Before things get hysterical and the child somehow reacts to the words, I say: “You’re crying, but I just can’t understand what you want. And this makes me upset. Calm down and tell me, and we’ll think together about what can be done.” (Irkin)

How to respond to a child's tantrums and how to calm them down

We have looked at the main reasons why a child throws tantrums. Having understood exactly why the baby is currently being capricious, the parent should take action.

The most important thing at this moment is to maintain composure. Try to calm down without lashing out at the baby or using physical violence. This will only make the situation worse. As discussed in this article, at the age of two, tantrums may occur that the child is not able to control. And the parent’s anger will only cause the toddler to cry even more.

Take the child away from the place where such an outburst of emotions occurred

Children often show their negative emotions in front of mom or dad by acting out a performance. It's enough to just leave for a while and then come back. The child will calm down and will soon forget the reason for his violent emotional state.

Talk to the baby. If the tantrum occurred because you did not buy the item you wanted, clearly explain the reason for your refusal. With such vagaries, your tone should be calm, but at the same time strict. And under no circumstances follow your child’s lead, agreeing to all his whims. Children feel such moments very well, and in the future you run the risk of becoming an object for manipulation by the little one.

Try to distract your child. At the age of two, children quickly switch their attention from one object (action) to another.

When talking to your baby, you should be at his eye level.

Hug your little one. If the baby refuses, do not insist, tell him that he himself can come and hug you whenever he wants. It is advisable for the hysteria to end in the arms of a loved one with quiet crying.

One-time ignoring. If, in your opinion, the child threw a tantrum over a trifle, you can simply not pay attention to his behavior at the moment. The kid, seeing that no one reacts to him, quickly loses interest in the whim. Just don’t abuse this kind of ignoring. Otherwise, the little fidget may feel unwanted.

Remember that when raising a child, it is important to be able to forbid the child, without giving in to any of his whims. With age, the baby should already understand what is possible and what is not.

Crisis of 2-3 years of age

The age of 2-3 years is critical psychologically. By about 2-3 years of age, most parents experience drastic changes in their child’s behavior. A 2-year-old child has constant hysterics, endless no answers to all questions, refusals of usual daily rituals. My first thought: well, they spoiled me. But do not rush to blame yourself, because such behavior for a 2-year-old child is a psychological norm. A child’s two-year-old crisis - what are its causes and how to behave in such situations?

Hysteria in a 2-year-old child often occurs because at this age he begins to test his boundaries. If up to two years of age a child psychologically associates himself with his parents, imagining this organism as a single whole, then by two years of age his separation into an independent personality begins. And here a logical question arises: what can an individual person do? Is it possible to do whatever you want, or are there any boundaries? Is it possible to get a lot? Who can stop? The kid begins research, and, of course, his results are not always to his liking. It’s such a shame when several people stand in the way of such a desired goal. This is where the hysterics and confrontations begin.

How to deal with hysterics? In order to help a child get comfortable in this world, give him experience in various communications, and make this period the least painful for both himself and the child, psychologists recommend that parents divide emerging situations into three zones.

There is a categorical no or impossible situation

Such situations clearly include any behavior that threatens the life or health of a child. For example, a 2-5 year old child needs to clearly know that he should never run away from his mother. This also includes some of your personal prohibitions that you, for some reason, want to establish for your child. Yes, there will be tears here. But this experience is also invaluable for the child, because he will know that not everything in this life happens solely according to his desire, and he will learn to accept it.

How to calm a child and ease the situation? If you want to take your child's offense away from you, you can come up with some third party, for example, a doctor who does not allow you to eat ice cream, and you cannot do anything about it. In addition, often, to stop the tears, a reasoned explanation of why you prohibit this action is enough; many children at this age are already ready to accept your arguments and understand them.

It is important for parents to understand the following factors in this area. First: if you set a ban, it must always be followed, without exception, otherwise the child will no longer understand what they want from him. Second: the more rules and prohibitions you set, the more difficult it will be for your child to make independent decisions in adulthood. Tantrums in a 2-year-old child should not prevent you from thinking sensibly.

Flexibility situations

Such situations are necessary for the child to gain the vital skills of flexibility, communication and negotiation. Invaluable experience. In what situations is this appropriate? For example, in such an eternally complex issue as watching cartoons.

All parents are faced with the same situation: the child asks for cartoons, you turn them on, and then he categorically does not allow them to be turned off and throws a tantrum. After all, at 2 years old, the child still does not understand why it was once possible, but now suddenly it is impossible. Try to give your child the opportunity to move the agreed boundaries. For example, after watching one cartoon, the baby cries and demands more, ask him what other cartoon he wants to watch and agree that you will allow him, but after that turn off the tablet. It is clear that after the second cartoon he will most likely start crying again, and, oddly enough, here too you can make one more concession; with two-year-old children this is quite acceptable, but it is advisable to make no more than two concessions. After the second concession, still turn off the tablet, despite the tears.

You'll be surprised how quickly your child's tantrum will end, even though you've turned everything off. And just while you were giving in, you did two very important things: firstly, you gave the child the opportunity to at least somehow influence the situation, to move the boundaries, and secondly, during the time of concessions, he managed to get used to the idea that sooner or It’s too late and you’ll still have to say goodbye to cartoons.

Such situations can be prevented, i.e. do not wait for the child to fall into hysterics at the end of the cartoon, but approach him while the cartoon is not over and begin to negotiate with him before he starts crying.

If a 2-year-old child does not listen, another useful device for parents in this area can be an ordinary alarm clock. Agree with your child that he will do something until the alarm clock rings. Then you can, for example, move this alarm clock if necessary. With this approach, you will reduce the negativity directed at yourself, because it is not your fault that the alarm clock has already rung. It is very useful for children 2-5 years old to have their own daily routine - the baby should sleep and walk at the same time, according to the schedule.

Situations without borders

It is this experience that allows us in adulthood to make independent decisions, make amazing discoveries, and achieve ambitious goals. Does he want to scatter all his toys around the room? Allow him, why not? Let him be the master of toys and his desires, even if he refused to put them back now. And if you want to be wiser, do not put them away, and invite him to put them back again, but later. If he agrees, he will gain the experience that his desires and decisions also have consequences.

All three zones described are very important for shaping a child’s life experience. Of course, it is very difficult to always make the right decisions, to find that fine line between permissibility and permissiveness, if a 2-year-old child is constantly hysterical. It is even more difficult to do this when the child is crying hysterically, because this is always a test for parents; how can you calmly look at the tears of your beloved baby. But how competently the parents manage to get through this difficult period for them and the baby largely determines how their further interaction with the child will develop.

Tags:Hysteria

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How to prevent hysteria

In order for a child to experience attacks of hysteria as rarely as possible, it is necessary to follow some rules.

The child must have a proper daily routine.
The baby must be provided with healthy sleep
Give your baby as much free time as possible
Allow your child to be independent within reason. If your child wants to help you clean the floors, give him this opportunity.
During the day, do not allow too strong emotions. For example, if you are planning to go to the zoo, you should not spend too long and active time outside beforehand.
Learn to negotiate with your baby. Anticipating the onset of hysteria, immediately offer some alternative
Remember that a little man develops by imitating the people around him. Try to always be kind, polite in communication, patient

In addition to everyday whims, many parents also encounter their child’s nightly tantrums.

They start with quiet screams. If at this moment you approach the baby and take him in your arms, you can prevent the occurrence of a hysterical outburst.

In order to avoid hysteria at night, you must:

Do not overtire your child in the evening, do not play active games. A quiet evening walk, taking a bath with cool water, or reading books will be enough.
Do not turn on the TV, especially cartoons with monsters or strange creatures.
Don't overeat at night. Before going to bed, just drink a glass of kefir.

Is a baby's constant crying hysterical?

— It is incorrect to use the term “hysteria” when talking about a newborn child. The baby has no other way than to cry to express the need for something. If a baby cries, it means that he is experiencing some kind of discomfort: hunger, cold, pain, fear, fatigue, loneliness.

Some babies cry because they cannot stop and find it difficult to transition to another state. It is not uncommon for children to have neurological conditions and cry because of them. Such babies need special care. Violations can only be diagnosed by a specialist, a neurologist.

If a baby cries, you need to try to understand and eliminate, if possible, the cause of the discomfort. If after this he screams for a long time and inconsolably, and cannot eat or sleep, it is necessary to show him to the doctor as quickly as possible.