A difficult teenager is a person who is psychologically in adolescence, whose behavior does not correspond to socially accepted norms, usually this concerns disobedience, leaving home, using psychoactive substances, committing crimes of varying severity and other issues.
The number of difficulties brought by changes in the child’s character and behavior is always assessed subjectively, and what for one will be perceived as horror in the final stage, for another will represent a variant of normal development. There is almost a 100% probability that a child who has had difficulties in communication, social adaptation, building adequate relationships and understanding social norms will turn into a difficult teenager upon reaching the age limit. Parents' expectations that the child will outgrow childhood difficulties and stabilize as an adult are not just not met; they receive an even more difficult version of interaction.
Working with difficult teenagers includes both correctional programs and preventive measures, the purpose of which is to identify risk groups and prevent the increase in possible social deviations.
Vivid emotional manifestations of difficult teenagers are an excessive affective reaction to the touches and hugs of loved ones, a possible reluctance to make eye contact, and a desire to universally demonstrate their independent position from others. But independent identification of a teenager as a risk group cannot be full and objective; for an accurate diagnosis or registration, it is necessary to involve specialists in the psychological field.
Even if parents do not like the behavior of a teenager, and teachers demand that drastic measures be taken, this does not always indicate the need for correction. It is quite possible that the teenager’s behavior is relevant and performs a protective function due to attacks from an insensitive environment.
Causes
The reasons for changes in adolescent behavior are due to hormonal changes in the body. The formation of the reproductive system, the emergence of one’s own view of the world, and awareness of intimate desires leads not only to a lack of understanding of one’s own motives and desires, but also to an increase in aggressiveness, especially among guys.
Hormonal changes also lead to many changes in the body - rashes appear, hair growth and usual proportions change. All this happens at such a speed that the psyche does not have time to adapt and many complexes arise. It is the decrease in self-esteem, the lack of adequate self-perception that provokes the desire for isolation, an excessive reaction to any comments, increased aggression, as a way of protecting against possible psychological trauma.
But it is impossible to explain everything solely by hormonal changes, because many teenagers, although they go through this period hard, do not change so radically. A stabilizing or aggravating factor is the usual pattern of interaction in the parental family.
Thus, with increased demands on the child, just as with the parents’ underestimation of his capabilities, an incorrect self-esteem is formed. When demands are high, overstrain can cause aggression, and when demands decrease, the teenager becomes offended, believing that he is being devalued.
Violation of norms attracts attention from everywhere - parents, peers, teachers, strangers passing by. That is why a teenager who experiences attention deficit or is considered a black sheep, an outcast, can begin to commit unacceptable acts. The goal is one - to become noticeable, because the hunger for attention can be satisfied not only by positive friendly communication, but also by the fear of others or the anger of loved ones. This includes not only actions for the sake of attention, but also attempts to take revenge for grievances. The feeling that brothers are loved more drives one into a position of confrontation and separation from family foundations. Ignoring by parents the need for close contact can lead to an attitude towards everyone solely from a position of benefit, and otherwise the teenager will behave separately. Any personal grievances against friends or family members can cause behavior that goes beyond the boundaries accepted by society (divorce of parents, reluctance to share toys, humiliation in front of or from a significant person, etc.).
The more mature a person becomes, the stronger the desire to defend his own opinions and views is expressed. Only if, as a child, an individual prefers to obey adults because he feels clearly weaker, then just in adolescence the moment comes to demonstrate his position. In fact, parents are very surprised at how different their child’s views can be, and all attempts to prohibit or correct behavior with instructions only lead to increased confrontation.
Difficult teenager: what to do?
You need to be prepared for the fact that you will have to endure the period, but do not let the situation take its course, but try to somehow influence the child’s behavior. In advanced cases, consultation with a psychologist .
It is quite possible that you do not know about the problems and internal experiences of the child. The psychologist will help him restore peace of mind, and his parents will teach him how to interact with him correctly based on his individual characteristics.
How to Deal with Difficult Teens?
- accept their individuality
- be patient
- don't push
- don't let the situation take its course,
- be interested in the child’s life, but not intrusively; he should want to share his experiences and problems himself, without fear of condemnation from adults,
- talk to him as equals, teenagers do not like being considered children, they themselves feel like they have already matured,
- stop being overly protective and give the opportunity to resolve some issues on your own.
How to deal with a difficult teenager? Applying punishment for any reason is not the best option.
In this case, the child moves away more and more, trust is lost, but the parents develop fear and a desire to contact them as little as possible.
The child must find an activity that will be interesting to him. Talk to him, listen to what he wants from life, perhaps he will be happy to play sports, go to courses or join clubs.
Explain to your child why you devoted so little time to him that you had to work to support your family.
Parents should be an example; it is with them that a teenager learns a model of behavior and transfers it to the outside world.
Psychologist's work
Methods of working with difficult teenagers are usually developed by psychologists, even if these recommendations are then implemented by school teachers or parents. The main activity of a psychologist covers a broad diagnosis, during which the specialist excludes aspects of physical and psychological pathologies. This is necessary in order to promptly prescribe treatment for organic lesions, when corrective methods of influence are powerless.
In addition, it is important to determine the degree of social maladjustment, on which the plan for subsequent rehabilitation measures depends. In some cases, parental consultation will be sufficient, in others the joint work of a number of specialists is necessary, and temporary forced isolation of a difficult teenager is possible.
The diagnostic role also includes identifying children at risk for further preventive or corrective measures regarding unfavorable socialization. But diagnostics also has a positive focus, and not just a search for shortcomings. It is so important to highlight strengths and personality traits, thanks to the presence of which it is possible to build a plan for change, where exactly these qualities will serve as a support for development.
After a detailed diagnosis of the personality of a difficult teenager, his immediate environment and developing relationships, a correctional stage begins. In each case, it is individual, but it comes down to normalizing the process of dialogue between a difficult teenager and significant people in his life, stabilizing stressful situations. It is possible to work psychotherapeutically with complexes and the level of self-esteem, regulate one’s place in a peer group, and teach new relationship strategies.
The activities of a psychologist are aimed at the harmonious integration of a difficult teenager into the general social group, and the creation of opportunities for personal self-realization in it. The choice of therapeutic direction can be anything, its main goal is to interest a difficult teenager (art therapy, phototherapy, gestalt, psychodrama, play therapy - it is these areas that awaken the greatest interest in cooperation).
In addition to psychocorrection of the teenager himself, the psychologist must interact with his family and, optimally, with the teaching staff. It is impossible to change a person if his environment continues to live the same life, dragging him back. These environmental classes can be conducted in the format of introductory lectures or training sessions.
The work of a social teacher
A social teacher should be present in the lives of difficult teenagers periodically. This is at the same time a senior comrade who can support and give practical advice, an observer who records various personal and social changes, and also an administrator who supervises social work at all levels.
Uniting the teaching staff, organizing favorable psychological conditions and developing diagnostic and early prevention programs is the most extensive, but very significant part of the work. Restructuring the type of interaction between teachers, students and parents is the main task in the current society, since the incorrect structure of such relationships increases the level of internal stress of a teenager. If he understands that teachers and parents demand different things, but cannot fully satisfy the demands of either side, then he chooses to resist everyone.
Individual work must begin with those children who have pedagogical neglect.
The procedure is quite simple, carried out by analyzing the gradebook. After that, individual conversations are held with those who fall into the risk category, where there is an opportunity to identify problems leading to degradation, as well as to involve difficult teenagers in group classes.
In group classes, educational lectures can be held regarding social and public norms, ethics and features of interaction with different types and ranks of people. Here, the entire existing experience of difficult teenagers can be updated, showing how one can behave without violating the requirements of social approval, and along with this actualization, new opportunities are introduced to realize the desires that have arisen.
In cases of beginning deterioration in social adaptation, individual preventive conversations with a social educator are recommended, who can help correct the vector of movement, help the teenager reveal his potential, and also remind him in a delicate manner about the ethical side of life. Also, individual conversations are indicated in critical situations, when a teenager’s cases of being brought to the police, truancy, drug use and aggressive behavior become more frequent. The preference for individual conversations will promote a greater degree of openness, since in front of a group of peers, two polar reactions most often arise - to close down, considering oneself superior to the rest of the group, or to choose a provocative model of behavior, trying to regain one’s position and show strength. When a social teacher fails to cope, it is necessary to contact a psychologist or law enforcement agencies.
How to talk to a child at 12, 13, 14 years old?
A teenager at this age is still a child, but already wants to seem like an adult.
What to do:
- respect his right to express his own opinion, this teaches independent thinking,
- if there is a need to point out a mistake, then do it not in the form of criticism, but in the form of advice on how best to act,
- set the limits of what is permitted and permitted,
- take care of organizing your daily routine,
- keep promises or don’t make them, teach the same,
- learn to listen to your child, so you can see in time what problems he has and help in a timely manner,
- don’t ingratiate yourself, stop talking to him like he’s a small child,
- appreciate his individuality, give him the opportunity to develop,
- do not conduct the interrogation with condemnation, partiality, irritation, as you only scare the teenager and alienate him from you,
- don’t blame him for disturbing you, imposing himself, making mistakes,
- be interested in his feelings, state of health, but not intrusively,
- praise for decisions made, noble deeds, achievements in studies, sports, development.
The work of the class teacher
It often falls to the class teacher to most clearly observe all the manifestations of a teenager’s difficult character. Due to frequent interactions, his words and actions can lead to either aggravation of problems or mild correction. The first priority is the style of interaction and how the class teacher addresses the student. Of course, provocative and aggressive behavior may cause a desire to humiliate, insult and say rude things in response, but this is exactly what should be avoided.
Difficult teenagers wait for a reaction, and if they are not understood and try to overcome them by force, they stop listening, and the class teacher becomes included in the huge mass of misunderstanding adults. Only respectful treatment, regardless of the teenager’s behavior, and a friendly disposition will help over time to become not enemies, but comrades.
It is necessary to maintain objectivity, regardless of personal attitude, especially in relation to those who have a long history of unacceptable behavior. It is very easy to shift responsibility for any chaos in the class onto the bully, which will only reinforce his behavior. It is necessary to examine each case carefully, looking for those to blame, thereby showing that faith in the teenager exists and that there are other solutions. If you have to make comments or point out the unworthiness of actions, then only actions can be negatively characterized, but not a person. It is better to praise the teenager himself and look for positive qualities in him, and point out his strengths more often.
Reduce the amount of criticism, negative feedback and threats - all this a difficult teenager who finds himself in a difficult situation receives beyond measure. They more need a person who can inspire and believe in their exclusivity, deeply dormant capabilities and talents, hidden kindness and responsiveness. Sometimes, the class teacher may be the last person who believes in positive changes, and it is this belief that forces a difficult teenager to work on himself. All from the same protest with which maladjustment began, out of anger and the desire to break other people's expectations and predictions, these children can begin to gain momentum and bypass those whom they set as an example.
Why don't parents understand teenagers?
Parents are a different generation, with their own established behavioral stereotypes.
The social environment is changing, and as a result, it is more difficult for the older generation to understand the younger.
In addition, parents forget how they felt and behaved as teenagers. Perhaps it seems to them that they did not cause problems for their parents , but in fact behaved the way their daughter or son behaves now.
The level and direction of thinking of adults and children is also different.
Parents continue to consider the teenager a child, while he has the need and desire to be an adult and behave accordingly.
