Treason - what it is, the most common types and areas of definition

What types of betrayal are there?

Nowadays, cheating includes not only physical but also emotional aspects. A strong platonic friendship for the other person may begin, which will sometimes go beyond the boundaries of ordinary friendship. This type of cheating is becoming more common. According to statistics, about 45% of men and 35% of women admitted that they had some kind of emotional contact with someone other than their partner.

Emotional cheating

In general, cheating can be defined as the act of being emotionally or sexually unfaithful to your partner with whom you have a close relationship. Having close physical or emotional contact with another person is usually considered cheating.

Physical betrayal

Physical infidelity is defined as one person in a relationship having sexual intercourse with someone else. Typically, physical cheating also covers simple physical acts of intimacy such as holding hands and kissing.

Spiritual betrayal

Just because you're not intimate with someone other than your partner doesn't mean you're not cheating on him. If your thoughts constantly return to your secret lover, you want to see him, long to meet him by chance in a cafe or on the street, dream of kissing him, spend a lot of time with him (albeit without close contact) and love him secretly from everyone - you change spiritually.

How to deal with flirting in marriage

Relationships are not a prison in which everything is absolutely prohibited. In any case, each partner communicates with the opposite sex, spends time together, laughs, dances. Your spouse probably has female colleagues, classmates, and friends with whom he communicated before meeting you. And your marriage does not mean that a man should fence himself off from women.

You can flirt a little when you need to make your other half jealous. There is nothing reprehensible in this. The alarm should be sounded when flirting approaches betrayal. The following signs will indicate this:

1. When a mystery appears. You accidentally find out that a new young employee has appeared at work. But you won’t learn this from your spouse, who previously told you everything. Another signal should be deleting calls and messages from your phone. If your spouse has nothing to hide, why is he doing it?
2. Too close and long communication. You notice that your loved one talks on the phone for a long time and surfs the Internet. Or your mutual friend often calls, even in the evening, asking her husband for some favors.
3. Excuses. We are just friends - this phrase should make you wary. If a man and woman are truly friends, they don't need excuses.
4. Interest. You see that your husband is more interested in another woman - your friend, colleague, friend’s wife - it doesn’t matter. If he sacrifices personal or family matters in order to do a favor for another woman, rest assured that he is not doing this out of mere politeness.
5. Intuition. A woman’s instincts rarely fail, everyone knows this. If you don’t like your husband’s communication with another woman, if mutual friends already talk about it, then you need to take action.

In principle, there is nothing wrong with flirting itself if each spouse clearly understands the boundaries of what is permitted. If you do not like such manifestations, ask your husband directly not to flirt or communicate closely with a certain woman. If he cares about your feelings, it will be easy for him to do this.

Thus, we can conclude that only sex does not fit into the framework of the concept of treason, but simple advances also cannot be considered treason. The definition of betrayal has boundaries that are determined by the person himself. At the beginning of a relationship, it is important to discuss this issue with your partner. You need to say directly what you allow in a relationship and what is unacceptable to you. Honesty and openness will prevent many problems, omissions and broken feelings.

Cheating wife

Men, for the most part, are most concerned about the physical relationship between their lover and her lover. Men tend to be more sensitive to physical deception and are less likely to forgive their partner for having sex with another person. This happens because a woman will not go to bed with the first person she meets. As a rule, this will be preceded by a deep emotional connection. But men are less likely to view some of the more emotional behaviors as problematic. For example, if a girl spends a lot of time with another person.

What is betrayal from the point of view of modern psychotherapy?

Recently, I worked with two requests at once regarding cheating partners.

A girl, 30 years old, married, suspects her husband of cheating and monitors the correspondence of the “cheater” twice a day, hoping to see something discrediting his honor. If a man hides something, even any negative emotion, the wife gets offended and cries: “Why don’t you tell me?” It’s as if she’s forcing him to open up to the fullest, but he doesn’t want to obey.

Other story. Male, 35 years old. Temporarily in a virtual relationship with a girl (they live far from each other). All her free time she looks for photos of her beloved, looking for things that compromise her - shoulders, legs, clothes of people standing next to her: “Why did she circumcise these people?”, “Why is this shoulder so close to her? Whose shoulder is this? Is she sleeping with him?

What are the characters in these examples trying to achieve? Firstly, to calm down, and secondly, to gain confidence that they are not being cheated on. Moreover, treason has not yet been proven in either the first or second case.

What does modern psychotherapy say about betrayal?

Psychotherapist Marina Travkova, who studies the Russian specifics of infidelity, believes that in our society there is no culture of infidelity, just as there is no culture of environmentally friendly separation. And this is primarily explained by economic specifics.

For people with insufficient financial standing, accepting infidelity in the family is survival: “Yes, he is cheating on me, it hurts/disgustes/offends me, but where will I go alone with two children?” 70% of divorced fathers do not pay child support, and therefore women’s fear of losing the head of the family is associated with the fear of losing support. Hence the inequality, the inability to speak openly and open up to each other.

In addition, in Russian communication culture there is still a problem with personal boundaries. People often do what pleases them, without thinking about the fact that they hurt each other's feelings. Hence the unsolicited demonstration of family photos to the mistress, requests to the mistress to choose a gift for the wife on March 8, acceptance of financial assistance from the lover and use of it for the needs of the family.

One of my friends (a photographer) was asked by her boyfriend to take him several professional photos in a business style, which he posted... on a dating site. Can you imagine how painful it was for her to see this?

I knew several young men who amused themselves by pitting their girls against each other - sending photos, correspondence, and then declaring: “It’s nothing serious, I love you, not her.”

What ideas exist about betrayal and why does it bother us so much?

People are divided into two types according to their perception of betrayal. The first group understands betrayal as a violation of agreements (“We didn’t agree like that”), while the other group understands it as the fear that a loved one will have a space where you are not. And so the latter perceive betrayal as the disappearance of themselves. Which group would you classify yourself in?

Who is hurting more? Second. Because in the first case, betrayal hits the agreements (if you violated the contract, we terminate it or do something to compensate), and in the second case, it hits your self-identity: “I was there, but now I’m not. How can I get myself back? The latter can cause a severe personal crisis.

What is betrayal from the point of view of modern psychotherapy?

You probably want to hear the option “sex with another person”? Not certainly in that way. Cheating is about a secret, about a lie, about the fact that you were not included somewhere, about a violation of self-identity, about the fact that your significant other has a door on which hangs a sign “No Trespassing”.

Why does cheating happen?

From the mismatch between the internal and external “I”. We know a lot about ourselves, but some of it is criticized by society. That’s why we are afraid to approach our soul mate and say: “This is who I am” or “This is who I am.” What if he doesn't accept it?

By the way, now couples have begun to appear who are tired of lying. This means we get a field for open relationships and ethical betrayals.

What does biology say about cheating?

Most existing research on this topic is biased and automatically defines cheating as deviance. Life in a stable relationship with a partner is taken as the starting point.

But! We all know that serial monogamy is popular now, where there is one partner for one period of life. And evolutionary biologists believe that people are not monogamous, although they know how to create one pair for the sake of offspring. If we take all this into account, people are seen as locked in cages, the horizontal bars of which are social norms, and the vertical bars are the animal nature. This is why we so often hear remarks that marriage is a prison, the impossibility of self-realization, mental anguish and torment.

What's the hardest thing about being in a monogamous relationship?

Whatever species we are, we live in a culture that values ​​agreement. And partners and spouses have these agreements, mutual promises. When relationships break down, we hurt, and non-monogamy is not an option.

When a relationship begins, we all form a cognitive-emotional model in our heads (how things should be, what he will do, what I will do, what I will feel, and what I will not feel). It's funny, isn't it? Nobody asks us to invent it, but we invent it, and then suffer because it didn’t coincide. Plus passion, sex, intimacy are added, which instantly throws us off the rails.

Thus, from two “I”s, “we” is formed. And at first it builds itself on its own and makes “us”.

And then the field for self-determination develops. We begin to express ourselves, to show some standard, limiting patterns of behavior, because we are used to it. Plus, complexes are being added that we previously, during the candy-bouquet period, contained. And some part of “I” splits off from “we”. And “we” at this time floats with the flow. There is no one to deal with them.

So, to prevent this from happening, it is necessary to carry out “reconciliation of counters” in a timely manner. That is, analyze the situation: “What have we achieved?”, “Who are we now?”, “Where are we going?”, “Do we need to change something? If yes, then what? We need the principle “it was - it became”: “What coordinate are we on now?”

In many families, such a reconciliation takes place - for some calmly, for others through conflicts, grievances and difficult conversations. But this is a very valuable reconciliation. Don't neglect it.

What about idealization?

We will still idealize and program ourselves, we love to dream. Such creative people.

But no matter how much we dream, one day we still won’t get it, because life is long and circumstances are different. The agreements will have to be reconsidered. For example, sex. You can grieve that he is gone and run “to the side” to be consoled, or you can reconsider his significance. Moreover, modern glossy magazines and websites often exaggerate the need for enchanting sex, lace lingerie and frantic simultaneous orgasm. Like, if you don’t achieve this, your husband will leave you, your wife will leave you. Do you feel manipulated? I - yes.

It is much easier to treat sex as pleasure and comfort from the very interaction of two close people, to value the process rather than the result.

From the point of view of psychotherapy, what makes a couple strong?

Scientists studying couples who have lived together for more than 30 years have found that so-called double vision is important to partners: “I see and understand that you are not Superman / Lady Perfection and I have something to be disappointed in you, but at the same time I remember, Why did we start all this, and I remember you well as before.” These people also joked that they had also experienced a series of marriages, just with the same person.

Drunken betrayal

Cheating is deception, drunk or sober. However, drunken deception and sober deception carry different meanings.

On the one hand, dating while sober means that your partner has made a conscious decision to be with someone else. In contrast, cheating while drunk may be the result of the subconscious escaping.

Perhaps the cheater has not yet admitted to himself or the other that he or she no longer wants to be in the relationship.

Infidelity is catalyzed by numerous factors in a relationship. Both unhappiness and emptiness are at the forefront of this human mystery.

It's so easy to lose track of each other at the beginning of a relationship because everything is so new and fresh.

However, the real problem comes after two people have been together for a long time. Keeping the "spark" alive is essential to maintaining interest in each other. Whether you're dressing a little sexier for dinner or doing a spontaneous slow dance in the kitchen, sparkle is everything in a relationship.

Female infidelity

According to statistics, no matter how strange it may seem to you, cheating on the part of your spouse is 50% less likely. This is due to the fact that women invest all of themselves into the family hearth, always hoping for the best and for changes in life (or in their partner). With the advent of children, additional care is imposed on them, so there is simply no time to think about going with someone else to get the right emotions. But still, some women can deliberately commit adultery. Why is this happening?

If a spouse experiences only negative emotions in a relationship, then she may have a desire to take revenge. She is too disappointed, she wants to feel needed and stop experiencing unpleasant sensations. Girls like to feel tenderness and care, which often fades into the background in marriages. Such relationships collapse too quickly. In such cases, spiritual betrayal often occurs.

Why do people cheat on their partners?

Many articles from different sources say that men and women cheat for the same reasons: they crave love.

M. Gary Neuman found that 92% of men say cheating does not involve sex. The reasons why men cheated on their spouses were often emotional, such as feeling disconnected or unappreciated by their spouse.

Most people think that people cheat because the sex has gone bad in the relationship or because they've fallen out of love with their partner, but most (not all) survey respondents on these sites reported that they still loved their partner but didn't feel particularly attached.

Why do people cheat4

People cheat for many reasons:

• There is no love - obligations remain. These are hyper-responsible people who cannot leave their family for various reasons;
• Sexual promiscuity. That is, “I trample everything that moves!”;
• Bed routine. For this reason, cheating occurs in long-term relationships. I want to feel the “butterflies in my stomach” again, I want drive, trembling, excitement. And if the partner is an absolute conservative, then it is generally a sin to accuse him of treason.
• Communication. If there are no common topics for conversation, no common interests, then the likelihood of betrayal increases.
• Conflicts. A person will always strive to go where it is quiet and calm. If the partner is impulsive, then there will definitely be a “safe haven” with a “charming siren”.

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How to live happily after cheating without losing your vitality

You might not want to talk to your partner on Facebook, you might fantasize about scratching their car, or you might be having an affair of your own. In movies, when people learn to overcome a scam, their first action sometimes comes to naught. But that's actually not a very good first step.

Destructive action will not bring any benefit. On the contrary, it may even have financial consequences. Trying to cope with the situation keeps your anger alive and keeps you in a state of negativity that will prevent you from moving forward in your life. This will keep you stuck and prevent you from healing. To recover from infidelity, you need to try to be on the same team, not the opposing team. Balance will give the vindictive partner an instant feeling of satisfaction. But in the end, this will not lead you to any solution, but will only complicate the situation. Beware of these subtle signs that your partner is cheating on you.

After a breakup, it's normal to cry (two or three times). And when a breakup follows a long-term relationship, expect it to take time to recover. Understand that this situation will not define you. Your life is not over yet. Lingering in your apartment, eating ice cream with the blinds closed, watching any random show streaming on your laptop, and showing no interest in answering your phone is a bad idea. While it can be scary to deal with this new reality and learn to overcome deception, think about the chance you have to start over. Yes, it may be a different life, but everything may turn out to be even better.

It's true that you probably didn't deserve to have someone cheat on you, but that doesn't mean you should wallow in self-pity. Playing the victim will make you feel helpless and damaged, and it will continue to make you feel bad. As a result, your self-esteem will decrease and you will find it difficult to participate in your life in a meaningful way.

How to forgive and survive betrayal

If things are still going on and you are pretending to be working on your relationship, just take your partner's heart in your hands and squeeze it. It will hurt a lot less and it will cause less damage to your relationship. If the matter is truly over, the one who suffered will need constant confirmation of this for some time. Probably for a long time. This is why, for someone who has had an affair, the privacy that existed before it (text messages, phone calls, messages, emails, information about where you are, what you are doing and who you are doing it with) will disappear for a while .

Healing can only begin when the person who had the affair realizes what happened and expresses regret and remorse not only for the damage and pain the affair caused, but for starting the affair in the first place.

What's important is that there is a commitment to protect the relationship above all else and get the matter out of the way. Is there something in this relationship worth fighting for? Is there a chance for love and connection? Or will it someday be one of the convenient ways and means to achieve common goals, such as raising children. There are no right or wrong answers, but if one person is satisfied with a comfortable relationship and the other wants love and connection, healing will not happen. Most likely, these relationships will become fertile ground for loneliness, resentment and bitterness will remain. For a relationship to work, each person's needs must be compatible. They don't have to be the same, but they should be compatible.

How to find the strength to forgive and when it is appropriate

Psychologists believe that betrayal only reflects the couple's long-standing problems. The partners might not have noticed the moment when the relationship changed, and by inertia they remained together, but there was no closeness between them. In psychology, there is no concept of “forgiving betrayal,” because this means that the halves play the roles of the guilty and the blaming. This is an unequal relationship, reminiscent of the relationship between a parent and a child.

In a partnership, responsibility is shared equally. We must invest equally in love, we must be responsible for problems together. There is no one to forgive, both are to blame. To save a relationship, you need to make efforts together.

READ

What to do to prevent your husband from cheating: effective tips

They start by finding the “starting point” - the crisis moment that caused the betrayal. It is important to realize that at that moment the relationship ended. They cannot be continued; everything must be created from scratch.

Both partners must admit the fact of betrayal. The cheater must break off the connection with his lover (or mistress) and let go of all feelings for him or her. The partners do not blame each other, but acknowledge their contribution to what happened, because they did not deal with the relationship and moved away. The one who was betrayed could spend all his time on a hobby, career or child. It is important to admit wrongdoing like an adult: without accusations or offense.

You should study each other, build intimacy and fall in love in a new way. You can do this with a psychologist or on your own. It can be painful, because you need to listen, relive the betrayal again and look for common ground. If partners go through all the phases, they fall in love again. They are starting their second honeymoon. A new relationship is created with the same person. After betrayal, it is impossible to restore love, but it is quite possible to create it again.

Some couples are unable to build what they have destroyed. The problem is the unwillingness to share responsibility in half. If partners take the positions of parent and child (accuser and guilty), make excuses (blame nature, circumstances or third parties), then the relationship cannot be saved. Even if they stay together, they will be unhappy. This relationship should be broken. People will move away, and grievances will accumulate. Unreasonable conflicts will become part of everyday life. Hidden, unprocessed emotions will reveal themselves. Repressed emotional pain can turn into illness.

And the worst thing is when married couples do this for the sake of children. Kids sense the atmosphere and state of their parents well.

What types of punishment for treason exist in different countries of the world?

Today there are many tribes in Mali whose laws differ greatly from each other. For example, in the Dogon tribe it is customary to cheat, but not with the husband’s relatives.

In Switzerland, an adulterer cannot register a new marriage for three years.

In Turkey, since 1996, not only women, but also men have been punished for betrayal. They are punishable by imprisonment for a term of not more than five years.

In Iran there is a law according to which a woman who commits treason can be killed. And this can be done not only by her husband, but also by his male relatives.

In Indonesia, you can be jailed for up to 15 years for adultery.

Papua New Guinea has the worst sanctions against unfaithful men and women. A man can even behead his wife's lover. The woman is not killed, but her finger is cut off, which her lover must eat.

In China, both women and men are punished for betrayal. According to local laws, adultery is punishable by two years' imprisonment and confiscation of half of the property.

In Vietnam, a law was introduced in 2013, according to which an unfaithful spouse pays a fine of 1 to 3 million VND.

Most countries have abandoned too harsh punishment for treason. In medieval Rus', the court punished treason with death.

In some African tribes, the wife's uterus is necessarily cut out.

Is there a punishment for cheating on your wife/husband under the law?

In many countries, betrayal is punished not only by moral remorse, but also by a blow to finances and freedom.
For example, Muslims strictly punish their wives, including imprisonment. In Switzerland, an unfaithful spouse does not have the right to remarry for three years after a divorce. In China, for defiling fidelity, you can be deprived of half your property.

In Russia there are no special punishments for adultery, but indecent behavior of a husband or wife can play a decisive role in who gets the child or property.

It is practiced, but extremely rarely, to have a prenuptial agreement that spells out various nuances that may arise during a divorce. Perhaps for some, this form of marriage is skeptical and equates to automatic distrust of the partner. But foreign experience proves the benefits of such innovations.

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How to find out if your unfaithful partner is cheating

You can find out if your boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or wife is cheating on you by certain signs.

Keep in mind that none of these prove infidelity, but they can be a strong indicator that they are cheating on you:

1. He trusts you less: Your partner may trust someone else more, so they talk less and less about personal topics. He may also seem emotionally unavailable to you more often than before;
2. He begins to pick up new hobbies at random: if they suddenly develop new interests and hobbies, it may be due to the influence of someone else. This can be especially telling if your crush begins to do uncharacteristic things that they previously said they would never do;
3. He cares more about his appearance: While looking and dressing well are positive things, it could be a sign of cheating if your partner suddenly decides to start obsessing over his appearance. This is especially noticeable if you've been together for a long time and your partner suddenly begins to care more about their appearance.
4. It constantly monitors your location: If your partner constantly asks you where you are when you get home from work, this could be a clue that your partner is seeing someone else while you are away.
5. He always goes outside: In addition to spending less time with you, he also goes outside constantly. If he always acted like this, it doesn't really matter. However, if this behavior just started out of nowhere, it could be a sign that he is spending time with someone else.

All of these signs can signal cheating.

Statistics: what is considered treason in society

What constitutes cheating often depends on individual beliefs and attitudes. And also depending on gender: men and women have different attitudes towards cheating. Representatives of the fair sex include more actions in this concept than men.

How very different are women's and men's views on betrayal.

Psychologists have conducted a lot of research in this area, which helps to determine a general view of the situation:

1. The majority of respondents (74%) consider kissing They consider this the beginning of betrayal, since there is only one step from a kiss to sexual intercourse.
2. Dancing with sexual overtones - is it cheating? Women tend to believe that if a man behaves this way (in a club, at a party or any other place), then he is clearly attracted to this person. Often the movements of such depraved dances imitate body movements characteristic of lovemaking. According to statistics, 41% of respondents tend to classify such dances as cheating.
3. when it comes to flirting . Only 35% attribute it to the concept of treason. Oddly enough, both men and women can flirt for different reasons. For some it is important to feel confident, for others to achieve favor for personal purposes. This is why most people do not consider flirting to be betrayal.
4. Virtual flirting (sex) . The attitude towards him is clear. The vast majority (about 80%) clearly believe that this is treason. Despite the fact that there is no physical contact, this type demonstrates a clear desire for sexual connection with a virtual partner. Although in response to the question of whether masturbation is cheating, most answer in the negative. And it is not entirely clear what is considered infidelity, because in essence these two actions are very similar.
5. Sexual intercourse is unanimously recognized as treason. But the same attitude is observed in relation to lovemaking. Therefore, when asked whether blowjob is cheating, the majority also answered positively.

Opinions of Russian Internet users about cheating.

Whether to listen to the opinion of the majority or adhere to one’s own views is something everyone decides for themselves.

How to forget betrayal quickly and forever

Once you come to the conclusion that the person you love has deceived you, you will no doubt have a lot of thoughts. Who was that? Why would they do that? Does he still love me? Do I still love him? What to do next? Of course, every person and relationship is different - it's up to you to decide whether you want to get back someone who hurt you - but if you decide to end it and want to know how to deal with someone who cheated on you, you won't alone in their impulses.

Once you have made the decision to break up, the next step continues. I won't lie to you: leaving someone who cheated on you may not be easy, but it is necessary. At some points in this process, you may be tempted to get your ex back just to avoid the pain of the relationship ending. But with the right attitude and a lot of patience, you will come out of this difficult situation much stronger than you were before. So, the easiest way to forget betrayal is through separation. But how to do it even easier:

1. Don't blame yourself. Few things can undermine someone's confidence like infidelity. Some people who have been cheated on end up feeling that their partner's infidelity was due to their own imperfection. Cheating is often a reflection of poor communication on the part of the partner who betrayed. It's completely fair to feel dissatisfied in a relationship, but at the end of the day, it's up to the person who is dissatisfied to convey those feelings to their significant other. Nobody reads minds. If they communicated and things didn't improve from their point of view, they could end the relationship cleanly instead of cheating;
2. Cut ties. It's better to have no contact with your ex for a while. Make it a clear intention not to see your ex for at least 90 days. Doing this will send them the message that it is indeed over and will give you time to grieve and lick your wounds. Unfollowing them on social media can help maintain a safe distance between you both for as long as they deem necessary. This is a difficult step that many struggle to stick to, but it can make the healing process much smoother, Dr. Brown said;
3. Give yourself time to grieve. Cutting someone out of your life is difficult. You just can't erase some things, like the park where you had your first kiss or the way their eyes sparkled in the sun. That's why you have to grieve a little for the loss of someone you thought you knew. Don't expect to overcome pain overnight. Forgiveness and grief are similar in that there are stages and you can move from denial to depression when new information comes up or hurts. So, no matter how long it takes, treating yourself with patience and kindness is key;
4. Let go when it's time to let go. The grieving period can vary greatly depending on the person, the length of the relationship, and the details of the infidelity. Ideally, over time, the pain will subside and you'll be able to forgive your ex—maybe not completely, but enough that you'll look back on them with some semblance of peace about how things ended. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean staying together. If you're still wondering whether you should stay with a partner who cheated, your intuition will tell you what to do.

The main thing is to think that everything will work out and then you will be able to survive this tragedy.

Psychology of infidelity: when does a man start cheating?

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For me, there are two concepts: betrayal and open relationships. If you and your husband have agreed to accept affairs on the side without complaints or disasters, that’s your business and your relationship format.

But betrayal is already deception. When he says that he was at work, but in fact he was having fun with the secretary, when he demands fidelity from you, but allows himself to have affairs on the side.

Why does a man cheat?

Not all men cheat - that's a fact. There are pathologically faithful ones, there are gigolos, and there are also “just for once” - they go to the left, repent and return to their wife.

First, let's look at the motives and reasons. We will not go into details; we will roughly divide them into two groups. The first is something that cannot be corrected, the second is something that can be changed if desired.

Hopeless: Cheating is the norm Some men are convinced in advance that love for life is a utopia, as is monogamy in a relationship. They are guided by these ideas, therefore betrayal is in the order of things for them.

For such men, there is a woman for life, and there are mistresses for entertainment, romance and passion. They perceive family rather as a common household and household.

Often handsome men and rogues who have not been able to achieve success in their business, in business, cheat, and they assert themselves, as if for free, by winning over women.

You can’t change such a man and you can’t prove anything to him. Even if you realize your mistakes and begin to develop as a woman, I highly doubt that he will change too.

It doesn't benefit him. This will either find another victim, or will escalate the conflict and lead you to a break with a feeling of guilt.

What to do? Just don't mess with them. Don’t think that your fidelity guarantees the fidelity of your man and others too.

Each person has his own view of family and relationships, so ask and find out immediately what he thinks about this. There is nothing obvious in such matters.

Correctable: a woman does not satisfy a man’s needs.

At first glance, it may seem like this: if a man cheats, it means he just wants sex with another woman.

Often the emphasis is placed specifically on sex; the area of ​​feelings and emotions is usually given entirely to the female sex.

In fact, the difference between male and female psychology is not as great as is attributed to stereotypes. Most male infidelities happen because of problems not in sex, but in complex relationships.

What does he need?

We get into relationships for a reason, otherwise there would be no point in them.

Women tend to seek protection, care and attention. If a man does not give it, she will become unhappy and will be tempted to look for it on the side.

Men's needs are recognition, affection and fidelity. If the wife cannot, does not know how or does not want to satisfy them, her mistress will do it for her.

Even if she is not as sweet, beautiful and smart as she should be.

The mechanism of male infidelity

At first, a woman admires her man, considers him the best in the world, looks up to him, slightly deifying him.

What's next? Something is changing - criticism, claims, dissatisfaction appear in her words, and her tone shows disdain and irritability.

By the way, most often men complain about this: she doesn’t share hobbies, the relationship has become boring, she compares and discusses, doesn’t appreciate, she has completely switched to the child, she has stopped taking care of herself.

A mistress gives a man what his wife cannot do - she makes him feel like a hero-lover, strong, courageous and needed.

Thus, with one woman a man is bound by duty and oath (promises must be kept and debts repaid), with another - everything that concerns feelings and emotions.

This may end in divorce, but there is a high probability that in a new relationship everything will happen again.

What to do? I want to point out right away that I’m not trying to blame women for this. I believe that looking at anything from the point of view of “who is to blame” is destructive.

It is not the “culprit” who should correct the situation, but the one who is able to involve the partner in this and act in the interests of the couple.

Look from a different angle

Don't get hung up on what a man expects from you. Instead of reflecting and reacting, create a new emotion and new approaches to relationships.

The book is written by the author, not the proofreader. So behave like an author, write down your story. When you reflect, you lose the ability to sensibly assess the situation and influence it.

You simply take in information and draw conclusions based on your experience. And then you act the same way as then.

Life is a constant process of creation. If you want to think like an author of your life, forget these questions when it comes to cheating:

1. How to return it?
2. What should I do to make him leave her?
3. What did I do wrong?
4. Why did he choose her?

Better ask: how can I create a life in which my man will be worthy?

Upgrade yourself

Not to get him back, but for herself. First of all, change your views on life and men. If I am sure that people are bad, I will only meet them.

If you are sure that all men cheat, you will only attract cheaters.

You need to build trust in men, cultivate a different understanding of the world, yourself and life. Even if you have been betrayed in the past, this is not a reason to label men.

I suggest thinking not so much positively as productively: what is the use of regrets, looking for someone to blame, or trying to change someone?

Only thoughts and actions aimed at your life goals will truly improve your life.

Are they changing everything?

I think you already understand what I want to say. If you think that all men cheat, the problem is not with them, but with your thinking.

In my circle there were those who cheat and those who never even thought about it.

I can tell you with full responsibility: it is more than possible to create a relationship in which a man does not cheat and sees in you the best woman for himself.

If you want to be like this in a man’s eyes, ask yourself: “What am I doing for this? What do I put into this, what do I develop in myself to be a better woman?”

Ask yourself a question: do I now exactly correspond to what I want? Or do you think that he should be faithful to you, that he should really love you to the grave because of the vow he made in the heat of love 20 years ago?

He doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe anyone anything - everyone does what they want. And this is your freedom. If you make the right efforts and change your thinking, you will get results: you will see how limitless this freedom is not just in relationships, but also in family life.

Read even more articles about the psychology of relationships on my blog https://yaroslav-samoylov.com/.

With faith in your happiness, Yaroslav Samoilov

Summarizing

Cheating is a common problem in many relationships. When one partner discovers the other is cheating, there is heartbreaking emotional suffering. Unfortunately, cheating can't always be simply defined as having sex with someone outside of your relationship. Betrayal comes in many shapes and forms, but they are all equally emotionally destructive. Cheating always hurts, but you can recover from it. Talk to your other half more, discuss the fine points of your relationship - and you will be happy.

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