White and black envy: what is it, who suffers from it and how to deal with it

What is envy?

In psychology, envy is a complex of feelings that overwhelm a person in relation to the individual who owns something (someone). This refers not only to material wealth, but also to internal qualities, degree of education, and social status.

Feelings and emotions most often push the envious person to certain actions, serve as motivation, an impetus to action. It can cause negative or positive consequences. The fact is that the definition of envy is expressed not only in a negative context. You can experience this feeling with positive emotions. But still, more often it implies a manifestation of negativity towards the bearer or owner of something.

In simple terms, what envy is, this feeling can be characterized as a strong desire to possess what does not belong to you. Someone else's well-being, happiness, and prosperity serve as the basis for an outburst of envy.

Let's give a simple example. Your friend acknowledged how beautiful the new dress you bought is. She wants the same. But her financial situation does not allow her to buy new clothes. The situation causes frustration, irritation and dissatisfaction. The envious woman gets angry and experiences mental discomfort. A complex of negative feelings can be described as envy.
It’s good if she comes to terms with it and makes the right decision that she will buy an outfit as soon as she improves her financial situation. But the whole point is that under the pressure of emotions, a woman is capable of committing a bad act, for example, deliberately ruining a dress or convincing the owner that the outfit does not suit her and she looks disgusting in it.

Psychologists say that women's envy is especially pronounced. Often it becomes the cause of discord between friends. You can also envy your personal happiness in life. In this case, the feeling is similar to jealousy.

Thus, envy in people is most often manifested by negative feelings towards a certain object that owns something. These can be both material and intangible benefits. Envy can change the behavior of even an adequate, balanced person and serve as an impetus for illegal actions.

There are many such examples in life. We know cases when colleagues, close relatives, and friends are jealous of our success.

The one who is envied can himself provoke such an attitude towards himself. This happens when he demonstrates a sense of superiority, strives to show others that he is taller than them, smarter, richer, etc.

The definition of envy is complex. It is impossible to describe it in one word. The condition includes a wide variety of feelings, including the desire to take revenge and get rid of the source of irritation.

Reasons for occurrence

Feelings of envy can arise for many reasons, but most often due to the following aspects of life:

Successful career. You can often encounter situations where part of the team has a negative attitude towards a particular employee, and this is not due to the fact that he has a disgusting character or bad habits. A successful person will always attract envious people, and colleagues at work are no exception. In such situations, it will not matter how he works, how successful he is in this field and how much effort he puts into it. The reason for a negative feeling will be just one mention of the fact that a successful colleague is doing something that an envious person is unable to do.
Loneliness and lack of love. Which people consciously condemn themselves to such aspects of life and deprive themselves of a bright future? There are very few such individuals, and even if they have absolute loneliness, they enjoy it and certainly do not envy loving couples and noisy companies. Only those who have not succeeded in this aspect of life, but are very eager to achieve it, are prone to such a negative manifestation of feelings in relation to the family idyll. So watching friendly get-togethers and loving couples is not the best pastime for lonely envious people.
Appearance. Most often, the feeling of envy that arises against this background concerns the fair sex. It is for women that competition in terms of external appearance is a sore subject, which can easily become not only a reason for destructive feelings, but also for burning hatred.
Luck. It is difficult not to envy a person who is favored by Lady Fortune. Most often, such people do not consider gifts of fate to be something supernatural and take it for granted. But this only fuels the anger of chronic envious people who cannot calmly pass by such injustice to themselves.
Well-being. The most common reason for envy. It even applies to successful and rich people, who the more they receive, the more they want to have. With the poor, everything is a little easier. They experience a feeling of envy only because it is difficult for them to rejoice in the well-being of others when they are below the poverty line and can barely make ends meet.

Of course, this is not the entire list of reasons why feelings of envy arise. If you find yourself or your loved ones have a negative reaction to at least one of these categories, you should not be upset or even let everything take its course. You just have to monitor the behavior of the envious person or yourself and try to eradicate this illness.

Types of envy

Now let's talk about what envy can be. We have already mentioned that an envious person can experience not only negative emotions, but also sincere joy towards the object.

In this case, they talk about white envy. This state is characterized by admiration for other people's successes, achievements, and happiness. It is not accompanied by resentment, anger, or frustration. An envious person, indeed, is happy for someone and does not try to harm him.

The expression “I envy you with white envy” has even entered our colloquial speech. In this way, a person expresses his attitude to current events in the life of another person or group.

White envy is a state that can become an excellent motivation to achieve the same heights as another person.

Let's give an example. Two friends were preparing to enter college. But one of them did not pass the selection. However, he was sincerely happy for his comrade, who passed the exam. He realized that he did not devote enough time to his education. He preferred to have fun while his friend was reading books. The failed student made the right conclusions. He began to study diligently and the next year he became a student at the desired university.

In this case, admiration for other people's successes served as an impetus for active action and motivation. White envy helped the young man move forward.

But the situation could have turned out differently. In this case, we would be talking about black envy. It is expressed in dissatisfaction, anger, irritation, resentment and frustration. The result can be the most deplorable.

Even if the envious person does not take any action towards the object, negative feelings will deprive him of mental comfort, restful sleep and pleasure.

Black envy is a condition that destroys the envious person himself. He is deprived of peace and cannot find peace of mind.

Criminologists claim that human envy was the basis of many crimes. Someone envied someone else's wealth or personal happiness and decided to take an action that led to negative consequences: the object of envy was stolen, destroyed, and the life of the object itself was completely destroyed. You should get rid of feelings of envy. It controls the personality, and the person is not able to adequately assess reality.

Reasons for envy

Why people envy other people's well-being is quite difficult to understand. Most likely, this speaks of recognizing oneself as incapable of happiness, success, and prosperity.

No matter how sad it may sound, the psychosomatics of envy lies in the analysis of self-esteem. The individual is confident that he deserves more than he has. She considers herself the ruler of the world. This envious person is the most beautiful, the smartest and the most successful.

But reality shows him that there are people who are more successful, smarter and more attractive. Let's remember Pushkin's fairy tale about the evil queen, who kept asking her mirror about her attractiveness.

The woman was overcome with rage, anger, and hatred when she heard that there was another beauty who was much more beautiful than herself.

Black envy took possession of the queen, she tried to eliminate the object of envy. This is how, in reality, criminal acts are committed on the basis of this condition.

Where does envy come from and why do people envy others? Without finding out the causes of the painful condition, it is impossible to help a person.

The main reason for envy is dissatisfaction with the state of any area of life. Where a person has not achieved success, a void is formed. And the empty niche must be filled with something. In this case, it is filled with negative emotions.

Dissatisfaction with one's external characteristics, mental abilities, and financial situation lead to the emergence and development of feelings of envy towards others who, in the opinion of the envious person, do not deserve the best, but have it. He considers this state of affairs unfair.

It has been proven that envious people do not know how to rejoice and appreciate what they have. Their life consists of evaluating others' successes. Such individuals live someone else’s life, follow the events happening with the people around them.

As a result, they find themselves completely divorced from reality. Instead of working to eliminate their own shortcomings, they strive to do everything so that the object loses what it has.

The reasons for envy also lie in improper upbringing. However, the origins of any psychological pathology begin in childhood.

1. The absence of unconditional love, the rejection of the child for who he is, leads to the fact that the child is sure that he is loved only when he is “good.” Washed the dishes, cleaned the room, passed the exam - worthy of praise and love. But he doesn’t understand why the neighbor’s boy is always loved, even when he broke a window. As a result of conflicting feelings, the child begins to envy other people's success. In his opinion, this person will be loved. And he, despite all his efforts, will not receive love and attention.

2. If parents demand perfection from a child, then very soon he will understand: other children are far from perfect. They don't put in the effort, they don't try as hard as he does, but they still get what they want. A jealous attitude towards someone else’s success in this situation is a natural phenomenon.

3. Some parents, in order to justify their beggarly situation, argue: wealth is evil, it leads to destruction. The child is limited in everything. While other children play with gadgets and dress fashionably, he is forced to lead an ascetic lifestyle. Envy of other people's wealth will certainly arise.

4. If parents are pessimistic about life, they automatically pass on their attitude towards reality to their children. They are sure: there is no place for pleasure and joy in life. The real world is full of pain and disappointment. But other people around him are quite happy. They easily cope with losses, overcome difficulties and maintain healthy optimism. Why they succeed in this, as a mature child, is unclear. The natural reaction is envy.

It is important to teach a child to objectively evaluate his abilities, appearance, and position. His self-esteem cannot be allowed to fall. But it’s also not worth fostering a sense of superiority over others. Children must understand that success is always the result of work. Then healthy envy of other people's well-being will become motivation to work on yourself.

Let's give an example. The daughter is jealous of her classmate because she has a slim figure. Pay attention to the girl that her friend does not eat chips, plays sports and leads an active lifestyle, and does not spend hours on the Internet studying all kinds of diets. She works. Show by example that you can and should change your lifestyle in order to change. This way, envy will become a reason for improvement.

In addition, teach your child to value what he has: health, the opportunity to live in a family, and get an education give him a lot of advantages. You need to take advantage of opportunities, develop and enjoy life.

Black and white feeling of envy

It's no secret that everyone envies differently. In the language of psychologists, this is a “benevolent” and “evil” manifestation.

The feeling of white envy is the desire to possess what others have. However, without wanting to harm anyone. That is, an envious person is friendly. In addition, such envy can become motivation for new achievements by the envious person.

Black envy is not such a good feeling as the previous type. It can destroy an envious person from the inside and reduce the quality of his life. Envying the success of others, such a person wants harm to those towards whom he has a negative feeling. He gloats during other people’s failures, and someone else’s success angers and darkens the life of the envious person.

How to deal with envy?

Of course, it is best to close your heart to negativity. But anything can happen in life. If such destructive

the feeling still sprouts, then you need to fight it. For this we recommend:

Engage in self-development - set clear goals, become a strong and independent person, realize your uniqueness. It is worth remembering that all people are different, each has their own potential, opportunities in life, and their own mission.
Learn to control your emotions and feelings - you should not allow negativity (dissatisfaction, irritability) to take over.
Increase self-esteem - an adequate assessment of your own potential and clear principles help overcome envy.
Learn to analyze the situation - sometimes a person envyes blindly, imagining the ideal life of others. But in reality, everything may not be as it seems.
Learn to set priorities - you need to appreciate what you have in life. We must strive to achieve more, but without envying other people's benefits and success.
Switch - if you are overcome by a depressing feeling, you need to direct all your energy in the right direction. This could be work, hobbies, meditation, sports, etc. Such distraction is an effective way in our fight.
Use the help of specialists - sometimes a person cannot cope with the problem alone and a good solution would be to turn to specialists.

Signs of an envious person?

With its signs, envy in a person can be detected without much difficulty. Facial expressions and gestures, behavior patterns help with this. Namely:

envious people smile strainedly, but without hatred and hostility;
eyes are full of sadness and sadness;
there is no sincerity in facial expressions;
head tilted to the side, wandering gaze;
squinting of the eyes for no obvious reason;
attempts to cover with hands;
the envious person takes closed poses;
detachment from the interlocutor;
restrained and constrained movements.

If we talk about the behavior pattern of an envious person, then he:

intrigues against people of whom he is envious;
gossips;
ingratiates himself, behaves like a best friend;
own existence, keeps all problems secret;
does not openly enter into confrontation due to his inadequacy;
has suicidal tendencies.

An envious person often suffers from neuroses, mood disorders, infantilism, passive aggressiveness, hysterics, etc. In such cases, it is often impossible to do without psychiatric help.

Why do people envy?

Why does a person envy? This manifestation is explained:

unmet needs;
lack of funds;
self-dislike;
lack of success in life.

Much depends on the upbringing and attitudes of parents instilled in childhood. If a child does not know how to accept himself as he is, was deprived of parental attention and warmth, was punished for any disobedience, and was not given the opportunity to dispose of his own toys, things, etc. at his own discretion, then he will grow up to be a complex person. self-critical person, incapable of being happy. And such people are often overcome by envy of the well-being and success of others.

These individuals live by constantly comparing themselves to someone else. They see the good in other people's lives without noticing it in their own.

Getting rid of negative feelings

How to stop being jealous of others? Awareness of the problem is already the first right step on the path to deliverance. The following are the steps:

Finding out the cause - searching for and eliminating provoking factors. It is possible to solve the problem independently or with the help of a specialist (psychotherapist).
Auto-training and performing special exercises - there are special techniques to help cope with destructive feelings. For example, you can write down on a piece of paper and hang it in a visible place everything that could lead to envy. This stimulates the fight against negative manifestations.
Self-control is a difficult stage, but quite doable. It is necessary to monitor “attacks” and analyze the signs of manifestation. When someone else's success causes dissatisfaction or irritation, you should distract yourself from these emotions in any way. Any positive impression will do.
Change – this stage requires a change in thinking. It should only be on a positive note.
Development, personal growth - those who are complex, limited, and unsure of themselves often become envious. By overcoming these shortcomings in themselves, people become less vulnerable to such negative feelings.

Why is envy dangerous?

Envy is a bad feeling. It worsens the quality of life, leads to mental discomfort and social ill-being. Envy is based on negative feelings. A person loses control over himself and cannot control his thoughts and actions.

The psychology of envy is such that the envious person experiences a hostile attitude towards others and towards the world as a whole. This condition leads to severe forms of depression, and sometimes to mental disorders. Constant dissatisfaction with oneself, comparing oneself with others, causes anger.

An envious person can be socially dangerous. He is capable of crime. This is the main danger of envy.

The object that causes negative feelings must be eliminated. This is a kind of protection for the body. A person intuitively wants to regain his spiritual comfort. But how to do that? It is necessary to get rid of the source of annoyance, anger, hatred. Often, based on unhealthy reasoning and conclusions, murder is committed. This is what envy does to a person. Examples include works of art, films, and life stories.

Envy of another person's personal happiness is more often explained by jealousy. But at the heart of the unpleasant feeling is also bewilderment about why one object is worthy of love and another is not? The consequences can be very different.

An envious person does not enjoy the respect of others. He is unpleasant to people. The feeling is difficult to deal with. Envy always manifests itself in words, actions, and attitude towards the object that caused it. When a person concentrates on someone else's success, he comes to the conclusion that he is a loser. Low self-esteem is guaranteed.

Thus, we need to get rid of envy and eradicate it. Learn to perceive the world as it is. Strive for excellence, learn from mistakes and don't think about why some people are lucky and you are not. Believe me, you are a very happy and successful person.

Signs of envy.

One of the negative things about envy is that we are not always aware of its presence. You can understand whether we are envious or not right now. To make it easier to understand, we learn to ask questions correctly and listen to our inner voice.

Help. If we are unable to offer help to others or receive it ourselves, it may be due to envy. Someone else's help seems like a favor, we are looking for a catch.
Gratitude. Envy manifests itself when we are unable to be grateful. When gifts cause resentment like “why can they afford it” or if it seems that the gift is just a way to demonstrate their high material status.
Education. If I ever worked with tutors or teachers, how did I feel? Am I glad that they decided to help me or am I envious of their achievements? It is possible that learning is ineffective because we envy our teacher instead of focusing on our own achievements.
Criticism. There is an opinion that envious people are more susceptible to criticism than others. We answer the question: Am I trying to be helpful and giving in to healthy criticism? Or do I envy and look for negative traits in everything? Let's answer the question.
Rivalry. In the fight against envy, the fact of attitude towards rivals is very important. If competition makes you work harder and motivates you, this is how white envy manifests itself. Many deliberately compete with others, because it helps to keep their spirit in good shape and be more diligent. What if competition causes negative feelings? Do I often compare myself to others? Do I get upset when I learn about other people's victories? Does this increase self-confidence or vice versa? In this case, you need to get rid not of your rivals, but of envy towards them.
Joy for others. If a friend brags about his luck, do I feel sad or happy for him?
Joy for yourself. The most important thing is to work on your self-esteem. Envy is a vice of people whose self-esteem is very low. Therefore, if I succeeded, “I’m great,” and if I didn’t, “I’m great for trying.”

How does envy manifest itself?

We know that this condition causes negative consequences. It is important to know how to recognize the envy of others. The point is that it always shows up.

If they try to cause harm to you, spread rumors that discredit your reputation, or try to quarrel with loved ones, then most likely this is nothing more than a manifestation of envy. Often it ends with an action towards the object. He is an irritant that needs to be eliminated.

But sometimes an envious person tries to fill the void that has formed in one area or another. The desire to make up for the lack of love and care sometimes ends in disaster.

Let's give an example. The woman could not have children. She envied mothers. Her feeling grew into an unhealthy desire to have a baby. As a result of the conclusions, the woman kidnapped the baby. In this way she tried to fill the void. The urge to become a mother became unhealthy. We can say that the woman’s psyche is damaged. The reason is envy. Manifestation: child abduction.

Severe forms of envy require the intervention of psychologists and psychiatrists.

How to understand that they envy you in order to avoid trouble? A common question. An envious person can act cunningly, pretend to be a friend, pretend to be friendly, but act on the sly. Envious people do not always act openly and show hostility.

If you notice that there have been more troubles lately, analyze the situation. Perhaps your successes are very annoying to someone.

To avoid envy towards yourself, you should not demonstrate your successes. Popular wisdom says: “Happiness loves silence.” This expression applies to all aspects of life. Don’t boast about your wealth, health, and don’t let others in on family matters. This way, you will avoid a lot of trouble. You shouldn't intentionally cause people's envy.