Development of a child up to one year: a calendar of age-related crises and a schedule of jumps by month

Svetlana Merchenko

City Novosibirsk

Practicing psychologist, specialist in the field of parent-child relationships, psychologist of the Stork Day organization of adoptive parents, business coach, mother of many children

Perhaps all modern parents have heard about child development crises. Every now and then someone sighs: “We are in a three-year crisis” or “We are in adolescence.” What does this mean? Age-related crises are periods in human development during which dramatic mental changes occur. Just yesterday your schoolboy was quite nice and flexible, but today he suddenly began to argue, contradict, get upset over trifles, react in an exaggerated manner to any comments addressed to him, and you understand - here it is, it has begun! Hello adolescence! However, some time passes—a year, two, three—and you notice that the child has returned “to his shores.” But at the same time he became different, more independent, responsible, self-reliant. The crisis has passed, but its results remain. Age-related crises occur throughout the process of growing up: both in preschool children and adolescents, so it is especially important to know their distinctive features and significance.

Cheat sheet for parents: age-related crises

Table of crises at different periods of a child’s life:

Crisis of the first year of life

“Should we trust this world?”

The first crisis occurs in children under one year of age. A baby just born is defenseless and helpless. He literally cannot survive without people around to take care of him. But it is important for a child not only to be fed and washed. The baby needs reassurance: they were waiting for him here. He needs to see joy and happiness on the faces of the people who care about him in order to subsequently trust people, himself and the world. With constant care, affection, reliable presence, endless hugs and kisses, mom and dad prove: being born is wonderful!

But if a child encounters poor care, indifference, or observes that loved ones are suffering, sad, swearing, or often absent, he makes a number of disappointing conclusions. Conclusion about yourself: “I don’t make them happy, that means I’m bad.” Conclusion about people in general: “people are unreliable, unstable, and should not be trusted.” The child makes all these conclusions unconsciously, but they become his guide to action, because this is his real experience. Therefore, in the future, some people see the glass as half full, while others see it as empty. Some see opportunities, while others see problems. Some find the strength to fight difficulties, while others give up without a fight, because deep down they know that everything is useless, because “I’m bad” and “you can’t trust anyone.” This is the significance of the first age crisis observed in children under one year of age.

Advice from psychologists

You need to be friends with children

The age of crisis in children is accompanied by rebellion and whims, especially if parents behave impatiently, pull their children, shout at them, and assault them.

Psychologists advise making friends with your child. Raising a child, explaining forbidden things through play. Try not to offend the child (ugh, crybaby), but to make him laugh at himself (look how many tears, you can let the ducks out!). To prevent your baby from becoming hysterical, especially in public, it is not at all necessary to give him everything he demands. You can refuse, but with an entertaining story about “the boss who will give mom money for toys in a week.” In many situations, a special approach can be found.

During most of childhood, the baby experiences crises due to the fact that he is rapidly growing, developing and mastering the world. These periods are called crises because children often rebel and act up. If parents are able to organize a friendly, caring atmosphere, then children's crises will be experienced much calmer.

Crisis 2–3 years

“Independence or uncertainty?”

Children learn to walk, control their bodies: they get used to using the toilet, eat at a common table and gradually become more and more independent. And this “freedom” attracts them: they need to touch, grab, scatter everything, that is, study. Children become capricious and demanding because they want to understand how to control their parents, how to make sure that they continue to fulfill all their desires. But parents have another task - to teach their child to manage not the world, but himself. Go to the potty yourself, eat yourself, be able to stop yourself, hear your parents’ “no,” and respond to prohibitions and restrictions. This is a difficult time.

Demanding two-year-old “terrorists” need reasonable restrictions, when “no” is always “no”, and an adequate degree of freedom. Parents should be patient and wait while “I myself” washes his hands, sweeps with a broom, and opens the door with the keys. This is how self-confidence is born, the first “I can!” and independence. As a result, the child seeks to control himself rather than manipulate his parents. But the search for the “parental button” is typical for all three-year-olds, so it is very important not to go too far with punishments, not to show physical aggression, not to shame the child, not to humiliate him, because so far he knows very little.

The tougher you “drive” rules into him, the more often you blame him for wrongdoing, the more criticism and ridicule he receives for “slobs” and “dirties,” the more insecure and uncontrollable a person may become in the future. Such an adult will be forced to argue with rules and laws, prove his right to respect, and see a threat to his dignity in any sideways glance and order from his superiors. The roots of despotism, aggressiveness, and total uncertainty also often lie in this period.

Crisis of three years

At this age, the child begins to express himself as an independent person. “I myself”, “No need to help” - these are classic phrases of this period. The baby develops protest, stubbornness, and self-will. Children should not be prohibited from exercising independence and gaining new experiences. At this age, the ability to take care of oneself independently, make decisions and bear responsibility for them is laid down. It is better to deal with negative manifestations through play, but not to support hysterics or physically punish.

Crisis 4–5 years

“What does it mean to be a boy or a girl?”

At the age of four or five years, children learn how the world works and are interested in what place is assigned to gender relations in it. Games of “mother-daughter”, knights and supermen, “shop”, “hospital” - all this reflects the child’s desire to find his place in the world, to understand what the knowledge “I’m a girl/I’m a boy” carries? Does being a girl mean being beautiful like a princess, hardworking like Cinderella or sacrificial like the Little Mermaid? And who is the boy? The one who doesn’t cry, is not afraid of anything, can fight back at everyone, or the one who is smart, kind and patient?

All our gender stereotypes and expectations are laid down during this period and transferred from the relationship of the parent couple. The girl and boy carefully observe the behavior of their parents; they are sensitive to their words and assessments. Such as “a real man will never allow a woman to carry bags” or “a real woman does not need help, she can do everything herself.” The child reads the parents’ relationship with each other, their spoken and unspoken expectations towards each other, and thus his future attitude towards people of his own and the opposite sex is formed. Where is the line that I can never do just because I am a boy or a girl? Why can't boys paint their nails, because it's beautiful? Why can't a girl jump from a garage, because it works? The more conflicting feelings parents have about their child’s gender, the more difficult it is for him to form his own idea of ​​these norms.

In modern society, these boundaries are increasingly blurred, so it is parents who play a decisive role in what a child will understand by the words “girl/woman” and “boy/man”. As a child, the more he hears negative, devaluing phrases that “all women are fools” and “men are gone,” the worse the relationship between his parents, the more complicated and confusing his personal life becomes in the future. And if before your eyes there is an example of a fairly happy relationship between parents, when everyone is happy with their destiny and role, fulfilled both in the family and in their career, the child does not have painful experiences regarding his gender - he has clear guidelines on how to become happy. To help a child successfully overcome this crisis, parents need nothing less than to be happy.

Developmental leaps in a child under one year old: calendar

On average, every baby up to one year old goes through at least 7-8 developmental leaps, which are observed at the same time. Each period is characterized by its own characteristics and varying degrees of severity.

Each crisis indicates the intensive growth of the child and the development of his nervous system, brain and other organs, and the acquisition of new skills. A previously unknown world with its sounds, smells, shades opens up to the baby, so he gets scared and worried. All the changes are too rapid for a little person, so he needs the support of adults.

The most intense weeks in the development of a child under one year old: recommendations for parents

Signs by which developmental leaps can be identified vary in different months of a baby’s life up to one year.

• Unreasonable hysterics with screaming and crying, sudden changes in mood. The child is frightened by the changes taking place and expresses his fear in this way.
• Loss of appetite. The baby either refuses food altogether, or eats reluctantly or gives preference to certain foods.
• Long “hanging” on the chest. The baby calms down with his mother and feels protected. He doesn't let go of his breasts, even if he's already full.
• Apathetic state. All objects and phenomena surrounding the child no longer interest him. He stops being active, gets angry and stubborn when performing usual actions (changing a diaper, washing his face).
• Desire to sit on your hands all the time. During this difficult period, the baby needs his mother’s tenderness, warmth, kisses, so he does not get out of his hands. If you let him go and sit him on the bed or floor, he will start crying loudly.
• Deterioration in sleep quality. The baby sleeps fitfully and restlessly, falling asleep and waking up is often accompanied by hysterics and tears. Sleep duration is also reduced.

Dr. Komarovsky does not advise waiting out growth spurts, ignoring changes in the child’s behavior. Parents should give their baby as much attention as possible during this period.

• Don't give up breastfeeding. If the baby abruptly refuses to breastfeed, or the mother thinks that he is not eating enough and is hungry all the time, you should not stop breastfeeding during this period. During crisis weeks, the child hangs on the chest for comfort, and not because of the desire to eat.
• More tactile interaction. The baby needs to feel mother's warmth. Try to hug him often and pick him up if possible (but don't carry him all the time).
• Pay a lot of attention to activities with your baby. A cheerful song, a joint dance and any other positive activities will distract the baby from his worries and instill confidence in him.
• Educational games. Despite the crisis, the child must continue to be developed. He will become interested in interesting things and want to learn something new. Don’t forget to praise your baby for success every time.
• A change of scenery. Walks in the yard or trips to relatives help broaden the baby's horizons, thanks to which he develops faster and acquires new skills and abilities.
• Avoid overwork. In order for your child to more easily endure the next crisis, you should not suddenly change your usual daily routine and introduce a large number of new activities.

How I coped during trials with my child under one year old. Experience of a successful mother

Marina, 29 years old, Krasnodar:

Developmental leaps, which are expressed by obvious anxiety in the infant, frighten parents. Just yesterday he crawled and laughed for the first time, but today he screams and does not leave his mother’s arms. Such crises are a natural phenomenon, characteristic of all children under one year of age.

Tenderness and attention to the baby during such periods will help to survive them quickly and without any special difficulties.

Expert author: Polina Petrovna Temryukovaendocrinologist

Crisis 6–11 years

“How to survive and adapt to the world?”

The age of 6–7 years is associated with the beginning of learning in many cultures. A child goes to school, he masters the system of knowledge that previous generations have accumulated. It is important to make training supportive rather than punitive. A child loses interest when he does not see the interest of adults (parents, teachers) in the process itself, when academic grades, templates, standards are more important to them than the lively sparkle in the child’s eyes. When, during the learning process, instead of support, a child hears insults from an adult and threats to “become a janitor,” this not only lowers self-esteem, but also destroys the desire to learn.

It is important for parents to find an area that the child is really interested in and convince him with his behavior: “I believe in you, you can do it, you will succeed!” If it's not math, then maybe football; not football, but dancing; not dancing - so beading. Often parents see “success” solely within the school curriculum, but this is wrong. If the child is “not interested in anything” at all, it means that the amount of criticism has already gone off scale and the child has formed a stable idea of ​​himself as an incompetent and worthless person.

It is important for a child to see adults in his close circle who are passionate about their work, have hobbies, and enjoy their activities. This becomes a source of inspiration and gives rise to the desire to learn on your own. If he hears grumbling about boring work, observes the eternal wait for Friday and weekends, monotony and routine, then he has no one to take a positive example from. “Why learn something only to suffer the same way later?”

Hard work is cultivated through pleasure, through gaining the feeling of “I can!”, which is stimulated by the support and interest of parents. And the feeling of inferiority is born as a result of parental indifference and excessive criticism. As a result, having become adults, people set themselves completely different levels of ambition: some are interested in “pie in the sky,” while others are content with “bird in hand.”

Crisis 12–18 years

“Who am I without the influence of my parents?”

A child’s whole life is a series of different roles: a student or friend, an older brother or sister, an athlete or a musician. In adolescence, the main question arises: “Who am I really?” Before this period, children practically do not criticize their parents and significant adults; they accept all our rules, beliefs and values ​​on faith. In adolescence, it is important to understand these ideas, roles, move away from parents and collect all ideas about oneself into one holistic identity. Identity is a feeling of one’s own truth, completeness, and belonging to the world and other people. Searching for your identity, the answer to the question: “Who am I?” - and this is the main task of this period.

Under the influence of different people, a child accumulates very contradictory values ​​throughout his life. For example, in the family there is an important value - education. And a child has an important value - friendship. And my friends are the ones who don’t see the value of studying. A teenager is faced with a choice: either “give up” on studying with friends, or, having chosen to study, lose the company of friends. Parents have a hard time during this period precisely because the essence of the crisis itself is leaving the influence of parents. Hence, obvious disobedience, disobedience, arguments, “withdrawal,” slamming doors and other variants of teenage rebellion.

It is important for parents to find a balance between upholding demands that they will not refuse and the new freedom in ideas and actions that the teenager receives. For example, alcohol intoxication - under no circumstances. It is unacceptable. Dot. But your wardrobe - maybe we don’t like it - but it’s yours, decide for yourself. Just try to dress according to the weather, and beauty and style are your prerogatives. The actions of parents largely determine whether a person can become a self-sufficient, stable person, with his own internal principles, or whether he will be constantly dependent on the opinions of first his parents, then his other half, his boss and other significant people.

The crisis ends when the teenager’s sense of inner confidence ceases to be in constant conflict, argument, dialogue: “What should I do? What to choose? Which is correct? Who to believe?”, when the answers are found and stability appears: “I know myself, I act based on my own, and not on imposed values.”

Causes of the crisis

Psychologists call the newborn period a crisis period. The very fact of birth is a huge stress for a small organism, and new living conditions cause considerable discomfort to the baby.

During this period, the child is completely dependent on the adult. The baby exhibits only innate (unconditioned) reflexes that are necessary for him to survive and adapt to life in the world around him. On the one hand, the child depends on his parents, on the other hand, he is not able to express his desires through speech.

• weight loss in the first days after birth;
• a child’s loudness when basic needs are not met;
• shuddering, clenching fingers into fists, grasping movements when bathing and changing clothes.

As a rule, the newborn crisis lasts no more than 1-2 months. The physiological criterion for the end of the crisis is visual and auditory concentration, as well as the baby reaching the weight at which he was born. The psychological criterion for the end of the neonatal crisis is the appearance of a revival complex.

Everything can be corrected

But what if for some reason the crisis was resolved in a negative way? Is there really nothing you can do to fix it? Of course this is not true. Every person has the opportunity to change throughout their life. And children are very flexible and plastic, they are able to “get” what they once lacked. For example, children who were deprived of parental warmth and love in infancy, or who have experienced emotional rejection or loss of parents, can grow up to be well-adjusted adults if they receive more love and attention in subsequent stages. However, in the process of growing up, an incorrectly experienced crisis will be reflected in the child’s behavior and in his emotional world until it is resolved “with a different conclusion.”

Therefore, it is important for parents to understand two things. First, the consequences of a negative outcome from a childhood crisis affect a person’s quality of life for the rest of his life. Secondly, if some mistakes were made during the crisis, they can be corrected and the child, regardless of his age, can be given the opportunity to experience this conflict in a different way.

It's not easy for modern parents. New knowledge on parenting, advice from psychologists, social pressure, fear of being an unsuccessful parent, fear of raising an unsuccessful child... Not everyone can withstand all this. The famous humanist teacher Janusz Korczak said about this: “Don’t torture yourself if you can’t do something for your child, just remember: not enough has been done for the child if everything possible has not been done.”