Is it necessary to forgive your husband’s infidelity: advice and opinion of a psychologist

Modern marriage is like a powder keg, since people who enter into a family union and take an oath of fidelity can easily break it. The reasons for such actions may vary depending on each specific couple, but there are general methods that can be used to restore relationships or simplify the recovery period after betrayal. Next, we will talk about how to survive your husband’s betrayal, and the advice of psychologists will help you not to mess things up in saving your own marriage.

Reasons that push husbands to cheat

Should I forgive my husband's betrayal? The advice of a psychologist should be used based on the individual characteristics of the spouse and the specific situation. First of all, it is necessary to find out the reason that pushed the spouse to go to the left. Many modern experts in the field of family psychology believe that women most often cheat on their husbands due to lack of attention or out of revenge (much less often). Men have more reasons for adultery; among the main factors it is worth highlighting:

Sexual dissatisfaction

It is one of the most common reasons for cheating. Men require not only an active sex life, but also a certain variety in the intimate sphere. In order not to become boring to each other, both partners must work both on themselves and on the relationship. Over time, many wives begin to perceive their own husbands as home interiors, as if the husband is constantly at hand, and he has nowhere to go (“who else might need him besides me?”). This approach hurts a man’s pride, and if a man has any remnants of self-respect, he will not tolerate such a situation.

Incompatibility of life guidelines

Each person has a set of their own values, ideals and life guidelines. A man can make demands on a woman such as being well-groomed, open, maintaining her appearance in good condition and being ready to provide support in difficult times. In the case when both partners look at their future together in the same direction, husbands rarely think about going to the left. However, in the opposite situation, when spouses move away from each other, all the prerequisites are created for searching for a passion on the side.

Need for self-affirmation

A man is a leader by nature, and for a truly triumphant victory he needs a battle or a long struggle. Its absence entails a fading interest in the subject of the opposite sex and the search for a woman who will make her partner feel like a real conqueror. The desire to win at any cost is the driving factor leading to various discoveries in science and technology. It also sometimes makes monogamy a difficult ordeal for a man.

Boredom and monotony in relationships

If a relationship continues for more than four years, there is a good chance it will turn into a routine where two people simply tolerate each other. Accumulated disagreements and hidden grievances sooner or later come to the surface and result in scandals and the spouse’s search for consolation on the side. When a man is already over 40, and by his age he has not had time to realize himself in the creative field and climb the career ladder, he begins to have a crisis. An inferiority complex due to lack of self-realization often pushes people to cheat.

Statistics say that the most prone to cheating are men of a narcissistic nature, prone to narcissism and having an egoistic character. It is incredibly difficult for men of this type to control themselves when a compliment is addressed to them from the lips of a pretty girl. Such subjects change much more often, since they constantly need new facts that reinforce their worth and attractiveness.

This is interesting! Jealousy is a kind of generator, fueled by uncertainty and fears. Therefore, men, as a rule, leave overly jealous women for less complex ladies with higher self-esteem.

Who is to blame, and is it worth forgiving betrayal?

Sages of all times have argued that both sides are always to blame. Therefore, you need to calm down and look inside yourself, because it was you who gave the reason for adultery. It's hard to accept, but that's how it really is. There is no need to blame yourself, you just need to draw a conclusion from the current situation. If you don't want to repeat it.

You can always break up, but it won’t make your soul any easier. The pain will subside only with time, regardless of divorce. But breaking off relations with your soul mate will only benefit your mistress. Think about it. Don't give in to her, don't follow her lead.

Is it necessary to forgive your husband’s infidelity: the opinion of a psychologist

Is it possible to forgive your husband's betrayal? The psychologist's answer will vary depending on a number of circumstances and the attitude of the spouse towards him. Many experts believe that adultery is eligible for forgiveness in the following situations:

1. The betrayal was accidental (one-time) in nature and was provoked by the husband’s long stay on a business trip or by an excessive dose of alcohol drunk at a party.
2. The man sincerely repents of his offense and wants to make amends at all costs.
3. Having common children. Divorce has the most negative impact on the psyche of a minor child. However, the constant scandals of parents due to jealousy pose a serious danger to children.
4. The betrayal occurred out of jealousy or revenge.

A psychologist's advice on how to survive a man's betrayal is not to overreact to this unpleasant event. For most women, cheating causes outbursts of rage and outbursts of anger, but it's worth waiting for them to subside. A deep, long exhalation helps cool down the intensity of emotions. In the future, you should not suppress the surging feelings of disappointment and resentment in yourself, but it is strongly not recommended to cultivate pity towards yourself.

Sincere forgiveness for the fact of betrayal is necessary for the woman herself, since the cocktail of anger, resentment and disappointment is very destructive and can lead to the development of chronic diseases. It is important to accept the full range of negative feelings associated with your husband’s betrayal and admit to yourself that you are confused and angry. Only after this you need to take steps to quickly get rid of the blues and restore mental comfort.

When should you forgive betrayal?

When should you forgive betrayal?
So, you found out what you wanted and now you need to think and understand whether it’s worth giving your relationship another chance or whether it’s better to break up. It makes sense to forgive betrayal in several cases:

• This happened once in your life together, and even then by accident
• Your partner is truly your soulmate and you have lived happily ever after
• You love your husband very much and don’t know how you will live without him
• You are largely dependent on your partner and you have no other choice.

The latter, of course, is not a reason to stay together, but if you decide to leave everything as it is, you will have to put up with cheating in exchange for a good life.

• The unfaithful husband sincerely repented of his act and wants you to forgive him
• Cheating happened only once and you are absolutely sure that this will not happen again

In each of these cases, betrayal can be regarded as a stupid mistake, and since no one is protected from this, then everyone deserves forgiveness.

How to forgive your husband’s betrayal and save your family: advice from a psychologist

How to survive your husband's betrayal and save your family? Psychologist's advice: first of all, stop placing all responsibility for what happened solely on your spouse. In any conflict situation, all participants are to blame. Discord usually begins where there is a lack of mutual respect and understanding, so it is worth assessing your own role in the problem as objectively as possible. Women who have experienced stress after the truth was revealed to them about their husband’s left-handed behavior can be given the following recommendations:

1. A “frank” conversation with your husband must certainly take place, and this unpleasant discussion cannot be put off for a long time. You should not remember old grievances and complaints, but pay attention to discussing the betrayal that happened.
2. Partners need to, without swearing or quarreling, identify those qualities that irritate them most in each other. Then everyone must express their own opinion and offer their own vision of solving the current problem.

Even if the rival has been eliminated, and the husband vows to devote all his attention exclusively to the family, there is no need to be overly happy. The fact that the passion disappears from sight will not affect the fact that the husband will constantly compare his wife with his mistress, and this comparison will often be not in favor of the wife.

It is important! If a difficult conversation with your husband is scheduled for a certain time in a specific place, you should not show up there with eyes swollen from tears and lack of sleep and dull skin. It is important to take care of your appearance, demonstrating grace, irresistibility and self-confidence when meeting.

Forgive betrayal or leave

Many women who are faced with such a problem in their family often cannot decide what to do next: forgive the betrayal or leave. On the one hand, it is better to leave such a husband, because rarely does a man, after the first betrayal, not go to the left again. If you look at the situation from a different perspective, then the husband who sincerely asked for forgiveness may change and become an exemplary loving family man.

Situations that indicate it is best to leave:

1. He cheats on a regular basis. This is a sign that after the first betrayal the mistake was not recognized and the person did not repent.
2. If betrayal occurs constantly not with one, but with several mistresses. Such a man will constantly have different connections on the side.
3. The husband does not agree that he made a mistake. Some men are ready to deny it to the last minute and not admit to cheating, even if their wife has significant evidence.
4. Instead of asking for forgiveness, the husband blames his wife for everything. Men who do not admit their mistake will constantly have mistresses. The husband will constantly justify his infidelity by saying that their spouse is unsexy, cold, or does not satisfy their needs in bed.
5. In addition to cheating, the wife may also be unhappy with something in her everyday relationship with her husband. There is also no trust and spiritual kinship in the couple.

In all these cases, there is practically no chance that he will change for the better and become a faithful life partner. It would be better to divorce him.

How to survive your husband's betrayal: advice from a psychologist

How to survive your husband's betrayal? Psychologist's advice: do not make a deal with your own conscience, trying to return to “the way it was before” by hushing up the problem. Aggressive behavior with breaking dishes and noisy scandals also does not lead to any positive results, as do attempts to put pressure on pity. The negativity will need to be thrown out later, directing it in the least destructive direction, without causing harm to others.

It is necessary to come to terms with the fact that it will take a certain period of time to heal the mental wound after the betrayal of the faithful. Melancholy and sadness will pass sooner or later, and instead of passively waiting for happy changes, psychologists recommend seriously engaging in physical and intellectual self-development. If finances allow, you can take off and go on a trip with your beloved friend. A sudden change of scenery and new experiences speed up the period of relief from stress.

If, after discussions, partners have made an informed decision to stay together, psychologists recommend that they take active steps to get closer to each other. It is best to take time out from work, entrust the children to the temporary care of their grandparents, and go on a trip or a romantic cruise together. The heady atmosphere of a second honeymoon is perfect for starting a relationship from scratch.

In modern society, there is an opinion that a proud and strong woman should solve her problems on her own and not complain about difficulties to others. In fact, there is nothing wrong with asking friends and family for help, asking for their honest opinion about the current situation and enlisting their support. In the absence of comrades and kindred spirits nearby, you can lay out the accumulated pain and disappointment on a piece of paper, read your own torment out loud, then burn them and scatter the ashes to the wind.

Quite often, leaving an errant husband is the best course of events. Many women believe that they should close their eyes to the fact of adultery and continue to live as if nothing had happened, so as not to traumatize their children, relatives or friends. The option of silence is low in effectiveness, and a woman should not make a deal with her own conscience in order to save a marriage that has long been “bursting at the seams.”

How to forgive your husband's betrayal? Advice from a psychologist: First of all, it is necessary to understand that the idea of ​​a spouse is not always identical to the true state of affairs. In any problematic situation, you should try to look at it as objectively as possible, without speculation and unfounded assumptions. It is also reckless to passively wait for the unfaithful spouse to come to his senses and decide to return back to the family. Seeing weakness in his wife's actions, the husband is unlikely to suffer from remorse or change the vector of behavior.

How to survive adultery?

How to forgive your husband's betrayal and move on? The psychologist's advice is clear: do not try to return old feelings through silence. Aggressive behavior and loud quarrels will also not lead to a positive solution to the problem that has arisen. The result of such actions is only negative consequences.

It is important to accept the fact that healing the soul after the betrayal of a loved one takes some time. Sadness and sadness are not eternal companions, they will pass. Experts advise replacing passive expectation of positive changes with physical or personal development, for example, intellectual. On the question of how to survive a husband’s betrayal, the psychologist’s advice includes, in particular, travel (if financial situation allows). Changing the environment, new experiences will speed up the way out of a stressful mood.

For couples who decide not to separate and maintain their relationship, psychologists advise not to hush up the problem that has arisen, but to take certain steps aimed at gradually bringing them closer together. You can take a vacation, check in with your children and go on a trip together. The romantic atmosphere of a second honeymoon will help restore relationships and help them start over with a new leaf.

Modern society imposes the image of a strong woman who can cope with all troubles. But this is not a solution. If necessary, you can contact friends and relatives and ask their opinions about the problem that has arisen. In the absence of such an opportunity, the psychologist’s advice on how to survive a man’s betrayal is as follows: write down negative feelings on paper, read the recorded misfortunes out loud, then burn it and scatter the ashes.

Often breaking up is the best option. Sometimes women stay married so as not to hurt their children or upset their loved ones. This kind of “silence” is ineffective. For a woman asking the question: “I can’t forgive my husband’s betrayal, but we live together,” psychologists advise not to choose such a life in marriage by suppressing personal dignity.

But, if your question is whether it is worth forgiving your husband’s infidelity, psychologists advise you to realize the fact that the current idea of ​​​​the cheating man does not necessarily correspond to the current state of affairs. When a conflict situation arises, judgments must be objective, devoid of personal assumptions. It is also inappropriate to wait inactively for the return of the “prodigal husband.” The weakness of a wife is not a reason for a man’s repentance, awakening of conscience, or a change in the direction of behavior.

​​Advice from a psychologist: what not to do after betrayal?

A long-term depressed mood after a spouse’s betrayal is typical for women who do not know the reasons for adultery and blame only the man for it. In anger, they are capable of actions that are fraught with subsequent problems. The following advice from a psychologist can help such women on how to survive betrayal:

1. Give up the idea of ​​meeting a homewrecker. It is unlikely that she will turn out to be older, less beautiful, or insufficiently well-groomed. This will lead to low self-esteem, which will be difficult to cope with. It is also inappropriate to try to evoke a feeling of pity (“we have children who will find it difficult to cope with the absence of their father,” etc.).
2. Showing excessive aggression against your husband is the next undesirable action. The right step is awareness and acceptance of the fact of betrayal, and not an open attack. It is important to clearly state your opinion and decision (divorce, temporary suspension of relations).
3. Attempts to disgrace or bring back a husband by spreading information about his betrayal among friends are useless.

Often, women with a grumpy disposition, after deceiving their husbands, resort to the other extreme. Their behavior undergoes drastic changes: aggressiveness is replaced by sugary friendliness. Some spend their days in beauty salons, wanting to attract their husband's attention with a new, fresh appearance. Most psychologists agree that such a position and approach does not lead to the desired result. On the contrary, suppressing emotions is a sure path to disorders (mental, somatic).

Punishment (sometimes even physical) of the traitor sometimes seems to be the most appropriate way to resolve the situation. But feelings are not built on fear and intimidation. Despite the (temporary) return of the husband, his adherence to the role of an exemplary father of the family, over time he will find a less dominant companion.

What a wife should not do after her husband cheats: advice from a psychologist

Stress after a husband’s betrayal lasts longer and is more severe in women who are not aware of the reasons for adultery and shift all responsibility for what happened to their spouse. In a fit of anger, any person is capable of doing such things that problems will only increase in the future, so women who find out about the fact of their husband’s infidelity should use the following practical recommendations:

1. There is no need to make any attempts to meet your opponent and talk to her “face to face.” If your spouse’s mistress turns out to be younger, more successful and beautiful, it will be very difficult to recover from the blow to your pride. There is no point in provoking a rival into a scandal or pressuring pity with arguments like “we have two children who will go through a divorce and miss their father.”
2. It is strongly recommended not to show excessive aggression towards your husband. It is necessary to recognize the fact of the treason that has taken place, and not go on an open offensive. It is worth clearly defining your position, whether it is a decision on an unambiguous divorce or a pause in the relationship in order to consider the final verdict.
3. It is useless to try to shame or win back your husband by spreading information about his infidelity among relatives, friends and colleagues.

Some women with a grumpy and grumpy character, after their husband’s betrayal, rush to the other extreme and change their behavior from aggressive to emphatically friendly. Some of them visit a beauty salon and hairdresser in the hope of attracting their spouse in a new way with a bright appearance combined with flattery. Most psychologists are of the opinion that such an algorithm of actions is absolutely ineffective. In addition, false emotions, coupled with suppressed anger, lead to various disorders both at the mental and physiological levels.

Important! Punishment (including physical) of a husband caught cheating sometimes seems the most tempting and surest option for solving the problem. Love cannot be built on a foundation of intimidation and fear. Even if the spouse returns to the family for some period of time and plays the role of an exemplary father and husband, at the first good opportunity he will run away to a less authoritarian life partner.

How to forgive your husband’s betrayal and move on: advice from a psychologist

Instead of self-deprecation and comparing oneself with a rival, psychologists recommend that women shift attention to their own development. Cheating on your husband can become a motivating factor that pushes you to make drastic changes in your life. It's time to sign up for a fitness class, purchase a pool membership or buy a mountain bike, take an unplanned vacation, or completely leave your tired workplace. To improve life after betrayal and separation from your husband, psychologists give the following advice:

1. You need to learn the art of active listening. To do this, it is enough to simply show genuine interest in the experiences and events that concern the interlocutor. It is also worth considering the interests of the people around you and not putting them below your own needs.
2. It is necessary to restore trust between spouses. This is quite difficult to do, since it is difficult for a woman who has been deceived once to trust her cheating spouse again. Each couple solves this issue in its own way: in some, initially there is control over SMS correspondence and communication on social networks, in others, spouses try to build a new relationship on the foundation of trust.
3. There is no need to immediately try to take revenge on the faithful through betrayal with the first male that comes into view. There will be a replacement for an unfaithful husband, but the person who appears in life must be different for the better, so “slapping a fever” will be a rash decision.

How to forgive your husband for cheating? Psychologist's advice: you should start taking steps towards reconciliation only after a detailed analysis of the current situation and establishing the reasons for the betrayal. Betrayal is a heavy burden, and you should prepare for the fact that it may take many months or even years to restore lost trust in your spouse.

Important! A relationship after cheating will most likely never be the same. A new round awaits them, or they will completely exhaust themselves. Therefore, it is worth firmly understanding that nothing will be “as before,” and attempts to hold on to the past in such situations have destructive potential.

Ways to protect your relationship from cheating

In order to prevent possible betrayal, a woman needs to pay attention to creating a positive mental microclimate in the family. It’s a good idea to introduce such a wonderful family tradition as a weekly romantic dinner at home or in a restaurant. It is worth making decisions together and discussing particularly sensitive issues in order to avoid the accumulation of grievances and claims. Spouses who want to improve their relationship and bring a fresh breath into it should take into account the following recommendations from psychologists:

1. Find a hobby or hobby that will be interesting for both partners. This could be tennis, horse riding, rock climbing, or a more relaxing activity such as billiards or exotic language courses.
2. Agree on personal time when husband and wife can calmly take care of their own affairs or simply watch news on social networks or favorite TV series.
3. Periodically arrange romantic meetings outside the home. A change of scenery is conducive to improving relationships.

Situations should not be allowed where a man constantly comes into conflict with the adult son or daughter of his partner from a previous marriage. Psychologists do not recommend being torn between the concepts of “mother” and “wife,” so you need to make efforts and certain diplomatic talents to create the most comfortable environment within your own home.

News of betrayal

Before deciding to divorce, it is worth analyzing how the news of the betrayal came to the family. Of course, it is necessary to begin such an analysis after all emotions have subsided, and only if the woman has come close to the moment of making a decision. There are a great many ways to find out about betrayal, but two of them clearly indicate that a man does not want to ruin his family and break off relations with his wife:

1. Deliberately ostentatious evidence of treason. In some cases, men deliberately do everything to get caught by their other half. They leave pages on social networks open, put a phone with intimate correspondence or a receipt from a store in a visible place. All these actions have only one goal - to show the spouse that her urgent intervention and changes in the family are required.
2. Conversation with a rival. Many women learn about their husband’s betrayal from their rival herself. She can call or come to a meeting to tell the details of her whirlwind romance. You should not show your emotions and immediately break off relations with your husband. Most often, this is exactly the reaction that the opponent hopes for. As practice shows, she is driven to such an act by the fruitless expectation of decisive action on the part of her lover. A man refuses to leave his family and continues his relationship with his wife, so the decision to open his eyes to betrayal becomes the only way to provoke his wife to divorce her unfaithful husband.

If you found out about cheating in any of the above ways, then you have every chance to save the marriage and start all over again.

Should you forgive your husband’s infidelity: advice from a psychologist

Many women turn to specialists with complaints like “I can’t forgive my husband’s betrayal, but we live together.” The advice of a psychologist in such a case will be obvious: it is necessary to end a relationship in which both partners feel uncomfortable. If spouses want to maintain a relationship, but do not have the proper training to conduct constructive dialogues, they need to turn to mediators represented by qualified psychologists.

The help of a psychologist in a situation with betrayal consists of the following: the woman is provided with comprehensive support, starting with the search for the causes of adultery and ending with the development of an optimal algorithm of actions to restore emotional calm. If classical psychology does not bring the desired results, you should consider visiting a competent hypnotist. He is able to change a woman’s attitude towards betrayal on a subconscious level and significantly reduce anxiety and worry.

A recognized expert in the field of psychology and hypnosis is Nikita Valerievich Baturin, author and developer of a number of unique techniques for combating fears and various neurotic disorders. With the help of hypno sessions, you cannot bewitch your husband and make him look at you with loving eyes. However, with the help of hypnosis you can:

• get rid of resentment and anger at the subconscious level;
• increase self-esteem;
• become successful and in demand;
• change your life for the better in a relatively short period of time.

Those women who are afraid of further existence and new acquaintances should watch this video:

When should you not forgive betrayal?

When should you not forgive betrayal?
A cheating spouse should not always be forgiven because your kindness can be turned against you. They can take advantage of this, wipe their feet on you, and ultimately you will face a bunch of diseases from nerves and others. There are several reasons when you should not forgive betrayal:

• Your husband does not feel remorse and does not see anything bad in what he did, or even tries to blame you that you are to blame
• He cannot guarantee that this situation will happen again.
• It’s not the first time he’s cheated and you once gave him a chance
• The husband admits that he has fallen in love and cannot refuse his mistress
• The deception lasted for many years and the man lived with almost two families.
• You don’t experience the same feelings, you are with him out of habit, and cheating is a good reason for separation; you don’t love your spouse, but habit kept you together
• You don't tend to forgive people

In each of these situations, it is better to break off all relationships and go your own way, because nothing good will come of you, even if you try again. Undoubtedly, everyone decides for themselves whether a man is worthy of forgiveness, but before making a decision, you need to think carefully about the situation, so as not to regret your choice later. Look at the situation from different angles, because anything can happen in life.

For example, a woman follows principle and kicks her husband out without even giving him the opportunity to explain himself, and then greatly regrets her stubbornness. Someone lives their whole life with someone who cheats on her and simply turns a blind eye.

After forgiving the infidelity, the man cheats again and causes even more suffering. And some manage to restore relationships and live happily. It is impossible to say which specific case is yours, but you always need to take into account different points, and not just one. After all, this will not necessarily happen again, although such a stereotype is already established in society.

In conclusion, it is worth recalling once again that if you decide to forgive a man, then never remind him of the mistake.