How to stop being afraid of school?
Dasha, hello!
Is there a psychologist at your school? If there is, be sure to go. In such a situation, you need to seek any help, otherwise your health may suffer: constant colds or gastritis will begin. Sometimes guys are afraid to ask for help, because... They think that someone will find out about it. The psychologist has no right to disclose information about you and why you came, so in this sense there is no need to worry.
Daria
I don't know how to tell my parents
So tell me what to do! Who do you have a closer relationship with? Talk to mom or dad separately first. Ask them not to put pressure on you, tell them about your experiences and fears.
Daria
Parents are very demanding, they say we don’t know anything, you must be an excellent student.
Are they sure they told you that? Sometimes children complete the picture in their imagination of something that actually doesn’t look so scary.
If they said that, you're old enough now to learn how to talk to them like an adult. You're honestly trying to study well, right? Then say so. And also that because of their demands you are very nervous. Will they love you less because of the B? What if suddenly a “troika” happens? Ask them directly if they are really that demanding. Did they have a child (you) not because they wanted it, but so that the child would certainly be an excellent student? Hardly! In any case, your grades are your business. Your parents already received their grades when they studied themselves.
Or maybe, after all, it’s you who only demand “A’s” from yourself? This is a very dangerous requirement! You are already suffering because of him. Being an excellent student and being a happy person are two different things! Do you want the first or the second more? What's the worst thing that will happen if you don't get a "5"? Will life end? Or will you get worse?
Confident people do not demand the impossible from themselves: to live without mistakes. They choose for themselves several areas in which they realize themselves, enjoying their lives and admit that they cannot be competent in everything.
And chronic excellent students are people who respect themselves only for their achievements. They are constantly anxious and afraid, blame themselves for mistakes and failures, are ashamed if something doesn’t work out for them, they have low self-esteem, many of them suspect others of envying themselves, because they themselves envy other people’s successes (and sometimes rejoice at other people's failures).
I highly recommend one thing to you. If you really want to get rid of your fear of school. Take it and deliberately make one mistake in your answer at the board or in the test so that you don’t get an “A”, but, for example, a “Four”.
You should no longer be afraid of receiving it: after all, you will already know for sure that you will not receive an “five”. One mark will not affect the quarter grade, but it will help you understand that “four” is not the end of the world and you can survive this situation.
And now it turns out that you are a much more vulnerable person than your classmates, who know how to cope with receiving less than excellent grades. Most of them aren't as nervous as you are, do you think? In this sense, you are behind them. So this exercise will help you become more emotionally stable. It’s even better to practice and get one B in different subjects: Russian, mathematics, etc. To secure.
I wish you all the best!
Lukina Anna Aleksandrovna, psychologist in Pushkin
I'm afraid of society. How to stop being afraid? (1 answer)
Parents feel powerless in the current situation
It is not easy for parents to understand the suffering of their child. Moreover, they cannot always adequately respond to behavior whose logic eludes them. Any phobia seems absurd to those who do not feel it, and there is nothing more strange than to find yourself in front of a child when he expresses panic and does not hear calls to reason. It is also sometimes difficult to understand the difference between refusing to go to school because it is a source of stress for the child, and truancy, which is more comparable to whims or acts of rebellion against parental authority.
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Parents are the first to be blamed for their child's absenteeism. Yes, of course, they bear a huge responsibility for the child’s attendance at school, but they cannot influence all possible stress factors.
Fear of school - its manifestations and causes
Have you noticed that your child feels great on Friday afternoon, but by Sunday afternoon he begins to have a headache or tummy ache? On Monday morning, right before going to school, does your child start to feel feverish or vomiting? Such manifestations indicate that your child is faced with a school phobia.
Fear of school is a neurotic condition that is quite common in children and is situational in nature. Just like other situational phobias, its causes are related not so much to a specific place (in this case, school), but to the situations that arise in it. Contrary to what parents usually think, a child is not always afraid of a test or test; he may also be afraid of the behavior of classmates or teachers. School phobia is generally not associated with learning difficulties (although this can also happen).
Fear of school is not an act!
A child with a school phobia actually experiences somatic discomfort and malaise. If he complains of pain in the stomach or head, he really feels them. As in cases of neuroses with somatization that occur in adults, so with school phobia we are dealing with a defense mechanism of the body that is trying to protect itself from threats. In this case, the threat is going to school, and somatic discomfort is intended to save the body from staying in a dangerous place.
Manifestations of fear before school
How to recognize fear of school? Its most common symptoms are:
- headache;
- stomach ache;
- abdominal cramps and vomiting;
- gastrointestinal discomfort in the form of diarrhea;
- fever or low-grade fever;
- acceleration of heart rate;
- slowing of the heart rate, even leading to loss of consciousness.
The time of occurrence of these symptoms is characteristic: from Sunday evening to Friday morning, disappearance - during the period when the child does not go to school (vacations, holidays, excursion trips, weekends).
Causes of fear of school
Neuroticism related to school can result from many situations, for example:
- the child is attacked, intimidated, bullied by others. At the same time, a child who skips classes will be happy to be in the company of classmates and remain under their influence, while a child with a phobia will prefer to be at home;
- the child has a tendency towards perfectionism - as a result, he is unable to cope with the expectations that he imposes on himself;
- parents demand too much from the child - the child is afraid that he will not live up to their expectations;
- the child suffers from some “disadvantages” (stuttering, squint, dyslexia, disability or other differences from children), which is why he is ridiculed by his peers at school.
Why, in the same situations, will some children develop fear of school while others will not?
This is connected both with the child himself (with his personality structure) and with the situation in the home. A timid, fearful child who is denied independence will be more susceptible to any neurotic types of reaction of the body. Just like a child who feels a tense atmosphere at home (between parents), has no support in his family, who has no one to come to with his problems, because they are neglected (considered insignificant) or the child is left alone with them.
If fear of school is suspected, parents should not wait until it “goes away on its own,” underestimate or ignore the problem, or (worst of all) yell at the child. Professional psychological help is needed. Therefore, be sure to contact a child psychologist.
Related links:
- Gender differences in stress response
- Reasons for children's fears before school
- If a child refuses to go to school
- How to prepare your child for a new school
- How to guide your child out of conflict
- More articles on child psychology
- More articles on conflict resolution
Many Faces Syndrome
How do you know if your child is truly struggling at their school? Pay attention to physical symptoms: these are manifestations of real panic when going to school, anxiety attacks or severe pain (most often a headache or stomach ache). And then evaluate the verbal signs: the child screams, asks to be allowed to stay at home, threatens to run away, sometimes even threatens to commit suicide. Finally, he always finds an explanation for his fear of school (“the teachers don’t like me,” “other students treat me badly”). In most cases, symptoms disappear on days without school, such as weekends, especially during school holidays.
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