How to help your child improve self-esteem

Loving parents will notice the emerging insecurity or timidity in the child, they will quickly understand that their child has low self-esteem and self-confidence is almost zero. Today it is not uncommon to meet a child with both high and low self-esteem, and both of these conditions are extremes into which the child finds himself. In this article we will look at the reasons why a child’s self-confidence may decrease, how to increase it, and how to initially influence its normal development.

Classification

There are three types of self-esteem. Underestimated and overestimated negatively affect the development and future of the child.

Heightened self-esteem. The child is sure that he is always right, does not take into account the opinions of other people, tries to control those around him, pointing out their shortcomings. Such a child does not see his shortcomings, he considers himself the best, and declares this out loud.
Understated. A person behaves insecurely, is afraid to take the first step, make a decision, take responsibility. Such a kid is convinced that he is worse than others, he overestimates the achievements of other children, and does not notice his own successes. The child is shy and touchy.
Adequate self-esteem. There is faith in one’s strengths, a correct assessment of one’s capabilities. If such a child does not succeed in something, he does not get upset when he fails. Mistakes strengthen him and allow him to move on with a little more effort. The child is not afraid to turn to peers or adults for help, and he himself helps those around him.

Having adequate self-esteem contributes to normal communication with peers, mastering new skills, high performance at school, the ability to protect oneself, assert one’s rights, and choose a favorite activity.

Exercises to improve self-esteem

How to increase your child's self-esteem? Simple and practical exercises will help raise a determined person with leadership qualities.

Game "Piggy Bank of Success". The bottom line: you need to take the box and decorate it together with your child, as he likes it. In it he will add his small achievements, which can be written on paper: “he recited the poem beautifully,” “I passed the language test with an A, although I was afraid,” etc. A significant increase in the weight of the box will increase confidence. Such a game can be used subsequently to increase self-confidence.
Game “Complete the Sentence” - you will need a ball to play. The rules of this game state that the child needs to throw the ball with the beginning of the phrases: “I can...”, “I can...”, “I will learn...” and the like, and the child completes the sentence each time and throws the ball back. This game helps him realize who he is and what he wants to achieve. Whenever throwing a ball, it is better to repeat the beginning of the sentence several times, so the child realizes that he once did not know how to do this, but was able to learn.

"Apartment Star"

Game "Apartment Star". For it you need to make a stand (sheet of paper) in the center with a drawn flower with petals, or a sun with rays. Paste a photo of the child in the middle. For a specified time (1-2 weeks), adults and children will write down positive qualities and achievements on the petals. Adults themselves will be able to increase the child’s authority. At the end, the poster is removed and given to him.

You need to monitor and raise children’s self-esteem not just once, but constantly. Adequate assessment of oneself is the basis of a successful person, his career, family well-being and happiness. Trust, mutual understanding and friendly relations are the key to success in raising a self-confident person.

Causes of low self-esteem

Frequent, unreasonable punishments lead to a decrease in self-esteem in a child.
Children often copy the behavior of adults; boys often copy their fathers, and girls copy their mothers. The presence of low self-esteem in one of the parents can lead to self-doubt in the child.

There can be many factors influencing the development of self-esteem in children, but there are five most common reasons leading to low self-esteem, both in a child of 6-8 years old and in older children.

Consequences of parental overprotection. A situation where mom and dad tried to do everything for their offspring, protected him from difficulties, did not allow him to be independent and make decisions.
The result of unconstructive criticism. A situation when a child is constantly pointed out about his mistakes, without noticing the child’s achievements, or a case where there is no proper explanation for the wrongness of an action and opportunities to correct and improve the result.
The consequence of comparing a son or daughter with a neighbor's toddler/classmate/sister or brother. A parent who constantly admires the success of another child makes his child doubt that he is loved. Such conversations discourage all desire to develop, achieve something, motivation disappears. But parents sometimes deliberately set the neighbor’s toddler as an example, hoping that this will motivate their child, make him better, and that he will strive to reach the same heights.
The result of insults. If parents, in the event of any offense, call a child bad words, they greatly underestimate his self-esteem by sticking label words (for example, “stupid”, “stupid”, “nonentity”).
Availability of public comments. If a mother or father does not hesitate to criticize their child in public, make comments to him or even punish him by putting him in a corner, the child’s self-esteem is greatly reduced.

Characteristic manifestations

Fear of making decisions and lack of self-confidence lead to decreased performance in school

It happens that parents do not understand the reason for their child’s bad mood or school failure, not realizing that the legs grow out of self-doubt and lack of faith in one’s abilities. If a child of preschool age can be suspected of low self-esteem due to detached behavior and constant loneliness, then in a child of 10-12 years old, this cannot always be recognized. Next, we will look at what manifestations may indicate low self-esteem in children:

the appearance of resentment even for the slightest reason;
reluctance to communicate with peers, constant need for solitude, lack of friends;
severe torment of oneself for mistakes made;
lack of life goals, motivation, no interests, no desire to take on new business;
at the slightest difficulty - abandon the work started;
often says phrases like “I can’t”, “I can’t handle it”;
the child is hurt by other children, he cannot stand up for himself;
lacks an opinion, always relies on what “authoritative figures” (parents, teachers) say;
often shy, timid when communicating with children or adults.

Adviсe

Be patient. The path to improving self-esteem in children can be long. The main thing is to start moving in the right direction now.
Analyze your situation. Think about what exactly could have aggravated the child’s condition, what provoked self-doubt. Perhaps this is due to improper upbringing, frequent reproaches, reproaches, lack of praise, comparison with others. And then, before moving on, you need to rebuild yourself, change your attitude, and henceforth avoid actions that lower the child’s self-esteem.
If your parents have problems with self-esteem, start with yourself first. Remember that your toddler can copy your behavior. Seeing how the father gives up at the slightest failure, and even declares out loud that he is not capable of anything, the child himself begins to react in a similar way to what is happening in his life.
It is important to take care of a healthy atmosphere in the family. A child should grow up in a calm environment, in a home where parents treat each other and their child with respect.
Start praising your child. But remember that praise must be deserved, for real achievements, even the most insignificant ones. It is important for a child to feel that they believe in him, that his loved ones are proud of him.
Try to spend more time communicating with your son or daughter. Mom needs to communicate more often with her daughter, dad – with his son. It’s ideal if you manage to find something that will interest both an adult and a child, a common hobby that will bring pleasure and self-confidence to everyone.
Plan your child’s daily routine, try to properly allocate time for study, rest, entertainment, and physical activity.
Always ask your son or daughter for their opinion on any issue that arises in your family. Let your child feel that his word means something, that he is taken into account and valued.
Think about what your baby’s strengths are and promote their development. When a child sees the fruits of his efforts, he will begin to believe in his success.
Give your baby freedom of choice. If you think he might make a mistake, don't stop him from doing so. These are his “bumps” that he must fill for experience.
Teach your child to defend his boundaries.
Allow your child to cope with the tasks on his own; do not rush to complete the task for him or suggest something.

My child has low self-esteem. What to do?

Preschool children are characterized by inflated self-esteem, because... In this age period, children are characterized by so-called children's egocentrism. Kids are sure that the world revolves around them, and not the other way around. Everyone is familiar with a striking example of children's egocentrism when a child, watching the Moon from a car window, reports that the Moon is watching him. The child’s psyche is still structured in such a way that the child, due to his age, is not able to understand physical laws, so the conclusion is simple: the Moon is always visible only because it is watching him. Such egocentrism is inherent in the child’s nature, so there is no need to be afraid of it and try to correct it: normally, by the age of 7, the child develops volition, and egocentrism remains in childhood.

Adolescents are characterized by low self-esteem, and this is also explained by age characteristics. Teenagers tend to exaggerate (or even invent) physical defects, reflect on the frailty of existence and about pawn people; teenagers often note that their emotional background is more depressive than positive. But there is also an interesting mechanism: in psychology, traditionally high self-esteem (not applicable to preschoolers) is perceived as low, but burdened by defense mechanisms. A flamboyant teenager who claims to be the ruler of the world may in fact be deeply unsure of himself and, in order to protect himself from these frustrating experiences, portrays himself as a self-confident macho. In teenagers, this is usually a temporary phenomenon, and it goes away with the onset of a new age period.

At any age, several factors influence children's self-esteem: family, relationships with peers, academic success. The only difference is that at different age periods different things are important for a child, which means that the formation of self-esteem will be influenced differently. For example, in adolescence, the most important thing for children is intimate and personal communication, which means, first of all, self-esteem will depend on relationships with peers. For younger schoolchildren, the main activity is study, and accordingly, self-esteem will be formed depending on their success at school.

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So, how can you tell if your child has self-esteem problems?

If we are talking about preschool and primary school age, you should pay attention to the baby’s drawings. If on them he always depicts himself at the bottom of the sheet, draws in gray/black, or does not depict himself at all, then you should contact a psychologist for a more accurate determination of the level of self-esteem.

Kids can also be offered an interesting technique. Draw a simple ladder for your child:

Tell them that the “good” children are at the highest levels, and the “bad” ones are at the lowest levels. Invite your child to depict himself on some step, and then ask what he was guided by when choosing a step for himself. The most unsure of themselves refuse to complete this task at all or put themselves at the lowest level.

An insecure child is always visible: he openly says that he is not confident in himself and his abilities, is lacking initiative, is afraid to take responsibility, is anxious, and dependent on the opinions of others, especially significant adults.

If you notice such symptoms in your child, then you should follow several rules:

Be sure to praise him.

It doesn’t matter whether there are good reasons for this - the child must feel that there are things that he does well. Even a simple “Are you awake yet? What a fine fellow!" In the morning they will help your baby maintain a positive attitude. There are no “overpraised” children, this is a myth, so don’t be afraid to overdo it.

Avoid comparing your child with other children.

“Masha got 5, and you got 3, aren’t you ashamed?” – how often children hear such phrases addressed to them, but they are the ones who form low self-esteem.

In conflicts, avoid getting personal.

Not “you are bad!”, but “you did not do well, but I still love you. Let’s think about what prevented you from doing the right thing” - this approach will help the child not only live with the awareness that he, as an individual, remains valuable and loved, but also teaches reflection - the child thinks about himself and forms new behavioral models.

Ask your child for advice or help more often.

“Do you think the soup has already warmed up?” “Let’s wipe the dust together, your help is very important to me!” In general, it is important to treat the child as an equal, as an already established personality, then he will feel this attitude and believe in his own strength. But don't overdo it - be careful about what you ask him for. Don’t make a preschooler responsible for your younger sister, or a teenager responsible for your material wealth.

Be careful with punishments.

Precautionary measures

So that you don’t have to think about the question of how to help your child increase self-esteem, you need to take care in advance about its normal formation.

Never make comparisons. It is unacceptable to compare your child with the neighbor's kid or even with your own brother or sister. It is important to understand that each toddler has its own individual characteristics. If at the moment he is unable to do what his peers can already do, this is not an indicator of developmental delay or health problems, everything has its time.
You should not spare your child from everyday activities, but it is also unacceptable to overload the baby. It is ideal if you set tasks for him that he will be able to complete. He should already get used to responsibility.
Praise your son or daughter, but only for real successes. Flattering speeches will lead to inflated self-esteem. The child will not form a relationship between what he is appreciated for; he will take admiration for his deeds for granted, and will begin to consider himself better than others.
If you resort to punishment, explain to your child what he did wrong, why you decided to punish him in this way, and how to behave correctly in the future.
Demonstrate by personal example how to face failures in your life. Something didn’t work out, don’t give up, when you’re next to your child, say out loud that next time everything will work out.
If your child has any ideas, no matter how senseless they may seem to you, encourage him, do not break his faith in the success of his planned business. And if the child still fails to implement his idea, support him.
It is important to socialize the child. Communication is the key to normal development, including the formation of adequate self-esteem.
Do not criticize your baby, do not even mentally think that he is bad.
Respect your child and his choices.

It is important to know how to increase a child’s self-esteem and what needs to be done for this. Parents should understand what difficulties in everyday life and in the future the self-doubt that their daughter or son has developed today will lead to. Don’t let your child’s low self-esteem go to chance, increase his faith in himself, in his strength, in his success. If you cannot cope on your own, do not be afraid to seek help from an experienced psychologist who will be able to increase your self-esteem by resorting to special exercises and practices.

Features of adequate self-esteem

Adequate self-esteem in children develops in the presence of correct self-knowledge. The main characteristics of normal personality development are the ability to admit mistakes and a realistic assessment of one’s own actions. Children with adequate self-knowledge analyze the activity and explain the reason for the failure. They strive to do joint work, support friends, show a friendly attitude, and easily communicate with the guys. Characteristic features of children with adequate self-esteem:

responsibility;
the ability to highly evaluate others;
confidence;
integrity;
defending one's own interests.

Features of behavior with adequate self-esteem:

Preschoolers can ask adults for help in times of difficulty while maintaining confidence.
Children are able to adequately assess their own behavior and know how to accept themselves as they are.
Having made a mistake, they tend to choose a less difficult task. Having received a positive result, they strive to achieve even greater success.

Adequate self-esteem of children of senior preschool age appears thanks to the correctly chosen model of education. Properly raising parents think about behavior when a small family member is nearby. They thank him for the work done and concentrate on the positive. They allow you to take initiative and support you in times of failure. They don’t set impossible goals for him; instead of criticizing him, they calmly explain that some things are unacceptable to do. Feeling this attitude, the baby gains confidence, begins to show interest, and successfully completes tasks.

How to praise and punish correctly in order to form adequate self-esteem

How to increase your child's self-esteem? Loving parents are puzzled by this question. Experts recommend making praise and punishment important elements of the educational process. There is no need to be afraid of punishment, because with the right approach, it is a method of control that can subjugate and change a child’s thoughts, behavior, and lifestyle. However, when punishment becomes a way of self-affirmation for the parent, the result of education turns out to be zero. The use of such ineffective measures as shouting, aggression, and physical force will not help in any way to form adequate self-esteem. This distorts the child’s idea of normal relationships between people. What can you do to help your child improve self-esteem:

Conduct an educational conversation. If the little one is very naughty, it is better to talk, creating a calm environment. This approach will force him to understand and analyze his actions.
Offer to fix the situation yourself. If a preschooler breaks or spoils something, you need to give him the opportunity to compensate for the damage. Correcting your own mistakes is a very useful tool for thinking and making the right decision.
Positive attitude. In addition to correcting the situation, the adult must encourage the child to do things that are beneficial. For example, by removing scattered things, you can improve the appearance of the room and perform a small rearrangement.
Instead of constant shouting, it is necessary to formulate clear requirements and monitor their implementation.
If you still need to punish a child, you need to warn about the punishment.
There are more effective ways to convince a preschooler: involvement in interesting situations, suggestion, play, conversation. The use of such methods eliminates the need to punish.
Using praise is a more effective method of parenting. Many families mistakenly believe that rewards can spoil the baby. The more often a preschooler hears approval, the less often he has to be punished. You need to praise more, punish less.

Important! Psychologists recommend sticking to the following scheme: punished once, praised five times. Children of older preschool age perceive and assimilate positive information more easily. As they grow up, they begin to independently analyze their behavior, think about the correctness of their actions, and avoid situations that displease their parents.

Ways to properly encourage a preschooler:

You need to praise for striving, trying to achieve a certain result;
parents should evaluate only actions;
use small rewards for praise;
give particularly important instructions, emphasizing the importance and independence of the child;

Important! In order to maintain adequate self-esteem of a preschooler, parents can praise him in front of strangers, but punishing him is allowed only in private!