How to increase self-esteem: where to start, techniques and trainings, advice from a psychologist

All people dream of a decent life: living with a loved one, making a career, taking care of children, having true friends. Some people do this by inviting the girl they like on a date, literally working hard at work, and finding time for travel and active recreation with friends. In general, they do everything to achieve their goals.

And others are embarrassed to approach the object of their sympathy, once again remind their boss about themselves, invite friends to a party, etc. And now we are not talking about those who are lazy to do this or do not have clear plans and guidelines for life. People with low self-esteem are doomed to this: they are afraid of rejection, failure, criticism, mistakes. They believe that they are incapable of generating interest and have no talent. For them, dreams remain dreams.

If you belong to this group of people, know that life can be changed for the better. Stop explaining everything by natural shyness, physical disabilities or pathological bad luck. You just need to work hard on yourself. There are various techniques that help increase self-esteem and become a confident, successful person. Moreover, it doesn’t matter how old you are now, you can start at 15 or 55.

Where to begin

If you are determined to improve your self-esteem, develop a strategy. This will help you formulate goals and achieve them in a short time. Where to begin:

Take basic self-esteem tests to find out the extent of your low self-esteem.
Decide whether you will do this yourself or whether you need to consult a psychologist.
Select effective techniques, special exercises, auto-trainings.
Enlist the support of your loved ones.
Set a goal for yourself to become a successful and self-sufficient person with adequate self-esteem in 3 months (the period can be any).
Break your goal down into smaller tasks: give a presentation at work, go to the movies with friends, ask a girl out on a date this month, get a salary increase, go to a camp site, confess your love next month, etc.

The most important thing at the beginning of the journey is to tune in to a positive result, to convince yourself that everything will work out. This is not easy for people with low self-esteem, but in order to increase it, this simply must be done.

You can read about the causes and signs of low self-esteem and its levels in our separate review.

How to Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence

Quite a few people think about how important correct self-esteem is for achieving success in life. After all, it becomes impossible to achieve heights in your career, to acquire happiness and harmony in your personal life, to receive recognition from others when you yourself do not believe in your own strength and consider yourself unworthy of all the listed benefits. Often it is low self-esteem that becomes an invisible but insurmountable barrier for a person on the path to success.

How to increase a person’s self-esteem and confidence, thereby eliminating a serious obstacle to success; what is the danger of low self-esteem? Any person from the very beginning of his life to the very end is faced with evaluation. Every day people evaluate each other’s actions, appearance, etc., comparing them with a certain standard that has been embedded in their subconscious since early childhood. And the result of such a comparison determines the attitude towards objects or events of the surrounding reality, helps to form one’s own opinion about them.

Having created an initial image or impression of something, the subconscious then simply complements the previously created image with new details. A person does the same, unconsciously, in relation to his own person. An individual forms his opinion about himself, his actions and his place in life. It is what he hears from significant people in his life (for example, parents, teachers, peers) that often determines what he will achieve in later life. By constantly calling your child a bungler and incompetent, you risk raising an insecure personality with low self-esteem. After all, a person who is unsure of his own abilities will be much less likely to try to take initiative. He will try to avoid responsible assignments, therefore, he will be less likely to achieve success. Success in any endeavor or recognition from others contributes to an increase in self-esteem, and, as a result, an increase in confidence.

The reasons for low self-esteem may be improper family upbringing, but you should not think that nothing else affects the decrease in self-esteem. Constant failures, stressful situations, and depression can reduce self-confidence even in an adult who has achieved success. The heap of problems that have piled up does not allow the individual to adequately assess his own character traits and positive qualities.

There are many reasons for low self-esteem, for example, being fired from a job, breaking up with a loved one, the death of a loved one, or any other shock. The consequence of low self-esteem and self-doubt is that he begins to consider himself worse than others in some way, unworthy of the benefits he deserves, even if those around him do not think so. If a person has been fired from work several times, then self-doubt can develop into a phobia.

How to increase self-esteem and confidence? Quite often, improving self-esteem and confidence can be difficult. Therefore, today many methods have been developed to help an individual adequately assess his own personality. As mentioned above, to regain confidence and increase self-esteem, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. After all, human happiness lies in the fact that all people are different. In order not to become depressed and not to focus on problematic situations, you need to find a hobby or some kind of hobby in which you can achieve success. It doesn’t matter what kind of hobby it is, the main thing is that it brings satisfaction with the results of your work.

Meditation is considered a quite useful method of increasing self-esteem. It not only harmonizes the internal state of the individual, brings order to thoughts, but also adds confidence to a person. Even short-term meditation allows an individual to relax and calm down, as a result of which he can calmly assess the situation that worries him, while relieving tension.

How to increase self-esteem for an unemployed person? Today this is a pressing issue, because an unemployed person immediately loses confidence, because he is almost driven to despair and considers himself a loser, a loser in the game called life. For the unemployed, the support of loved ones is very important. Leading psychologists have developed many trainings and exercises on the topic: “how to increase self-esteem for an unemployed person.” The main purpose of such exercises is to help citizens increase self-esteem, as well as gain confidence. At the trainings, people are taught business etiquette, elements of self-promotion, competent goal setting, planning, effective job search skills, etc.

Exercises

It turns out that there are complexes of not only physical exercises for sports, but also psychological ones to increase self-esteem. By performing them regularly, you can feel the first results within a week. Here are some of them.

Exercise 1. I'm good

Write at least 10 of your positive qualities. Re-read them daily. After a week, create a new list, trying not to repeat what was in the previous one.

Exercise 2. I was able to

Write down 5 achievements you have achieved in life. This does not have to be a victory in the Olympics or a beauty contest. Simpler things are enough: found a job, graduated from college. Re-read them daily and learn to be proud of them. After a month, try creating a new list. It should contain other items.

Exercise 3. I am strong

Write down the 3 most difficult situations in your life. Don't describe them in detail, just identify them. For example, the death of a grandmother, dismissal from work, divorce. Remember how you were able to survive this period. Even if you felt bad, now it’s all behind you, which means you have that inner strength that can increase your self-esteem. Every day, replay in your head how you overcame difficulties and be proud of yourself.

Exercise 4. I am a hero

Write 5 cases from your life when you helped others: you were there for a friend when her husband left her, you prepared a classmate for a diploma at a university, you regularly bought groceries for an old neighbor who couldn’t do it herself. Re-read the list every day and be proud of yourself. Update it after a month.

Exercise 5. I am no worse than others

To increase self-esteem, you need to learn to be friends with the mirror. This is one of the most difficult exercises for insecure and shy people. We need to overcome internal complexes and master this technique.

Get yourself in order. Stand or sit in front of a mirror. Smile at your reflection. Then you can choose to act: read a poem, sing a song, or just talk to yourself. The goal is to get used to it, look at yourself from the outside, learn to perceive your image objectively, and understand that you are no worse than others. Start with 5 minutes and increase this time every week.

Complexes of psychological exercises can be different. The main thing is the regularity and correctness of their implementation.

Trainings

Good results can be achieved if you sign up for psychological training “How to increase self-esteem” (variant names are allowed), which are organized by specialized specialists. They can be group or individual. As practice shows, if the situation is not advanced, the first option is preferable.

They usually last 1-2 hours and involve performing exercises in a playful way. For example, a psychologist can offer in a circle to all participants (usually there are 6-10 people):

define your mood in one word (color),
talk about your positive qualities (who has more),
advertise yourself using various means (who is better),
find 5-10 positive qualities in the person sitting opposite you (not just invented ones, but real ones),
play “I am the king”: each participant becomes a ruler for 5 minutes, makes decisions, makes laws, and the rest obey and worship him. Next, it is determined who coped with the role better.

This is only a small part of the techniques that psychologists use in group trainings. Usually a course of 4-5 such classes is enough to ensure your own importance.

During individual training, a psychologist may offer to take a test, perform some situational tasks followed by analysis of the answers, or exercises.

Autotraining

To get rid of low self-esteem, psychologists advise practicing auto-training. However, most people misunderstand this technique. This is not just self-hypnosis and working with your internal complexes. Initially, it related to therapeutic psychotherapeutic techniques. Self-education is only the second part of any autogenic training. Many people haven’t even heard about the first one, but without it, reciting the same affirmations is most often useless. We are talking about muscle relaxation, which consists of 5 main exercises.

Let's figure out how to properly conduct auto-training to raise self-esteem.

Part 1. Muscle relaxation

The task of this stage is to prepare physically for auto-training. To do this, you need to relax your body as much as possible and disconnect from the problems of the world around you. The German doctor Schultz (the founder of this technique) called this the switching point when the activity of the cerebral cortex decreases to a minimum. You need to achieve a state close to somnolence. This is the initial stage of hypnosis, intermediate between wakefulness and sleep.

To achieve this state, you need to consistently perform 6 exercises. But first, take the correct starting position: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.

Exercise 1. “Heaviness”

Goal: relieve muscle tone.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with heaviness and becomes leaden. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) arm (leg) is heavy.” You need to feel it physically. 21 days are allotted to master the exercise:

3 days you work with your right leg,
3 days - with the left leg,
3 days - with both legs at once,
3 days - with the right hand,
3 days - with the left hand,
3 days - with both hands at once,
3 days - with all limbs at once.

Execution time: 7-10 minutes.

Exercise 2. “Warmth”

Purpose: to expand subcutaneous blood vessels.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with warmth, as if you are plunging it into warm, even hot water. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) hand (leg) is warm.” Feel it physically. The sequence and time for mastering the exercise are similar to the first.

Exercise 3. “Pulse”

Goal: normalize heartbeat.

Lie down on a flat surface. Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart or wrist to clearly hear your pulse. Imagine your chest filling with warmth. Instill this in your mind: “My chest is warm, my heart beats evenly, clearly, powerfully.” Feel it on a physical level. After your heart rate reaches a normal value for your age and health, you need to learn to control it: slow it down (do not drop below 50 beats per minute) and speed it up (do not exceed 90 beats per minute) using mental affirmations.

This exercise helps you cope with anxiety in stressful situations, quickly pull yourself together, and avoid sweating and panting during public speaking.

Exercise 4. “Breathing”

Goal: to develop uniform breathing.

Before this exercise, it is recommended to spend 5 minutes doing any physical activity to slow down your breathing a little. Then you need to relax as much as possible and restore it as quickly as possible by taking a deep breath through your nose and exhaling as much as possible through your mouth. At the same time, mentally every 30 seconds you need to repeat the phrase: “My breathing is even and calm.” After 2 weeks of daily training, you will be able to bring it back to normal in 1.5 minutes.

This exercise will help you cope with an attack of anxiety in a difficult situation.

Exercise 5. “Solar Plexus”

Goal: to establish blood supply to internal organs.

Close your eyes and imagine your stomach filling with warmth, as if you were placing a hot water bottle on it. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My stomach is warm.” Feel it physically.

Exercise 6. “Cool forehead”

Goal: to put your thought processes in order.

Close your eyes and imagine how your head becomes cool, as if you are in the cold or have put an ice compress on your forehead. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My head is cold.” Feel it physically.

The exercise will also be useful in stressful situations, which so often insecure and shy people find themselves in. Surely everyone is familiar with this state when the blood rushes to the head, the temples pulsate, and thoughts refuse to work. When you learn to take control of these processes, it will be easier for you to make informed and correct decisions - one of the key points for those who increase self-esteem.

For 3 weeks, practice all 6 exercises daily in the order in which they are given. At first this will take quite a lot of time, but soon you will be able to achieve a state of somnolence in just 5-10 minutes. And only after this can you move on to that part of auto-training that many people practice - speaking affirmations.

Part 2. Self-hypnosis and self-education

Before pronouncing affirmations aimed at increasing self-esteem, you need to prepare for this:

Ensure complete silence: close the windows, turn off the intercom and telephones, warn your family not to disturb you.
Leave the position in which you performed muscle relaxation: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.
Close eyes.
Feel complete relaxation and a state of peace.
Imagine a pleasant picture: forest, nature, sea, beach, rye field, space - everyone’s illusions will be different. The main thing is that the color palette evokes peace.
Turn on relaxing music: it can be classics, sounds of nature, white noise. It shouldn't be loud.
You can use aromatherapy. Coniferous and citrus scents are recommended.
You need to practice either early in the morning, when your consciousness is still clear, or in the evening, just before bed - this way the affirmations are absorbed better.

Schultz called this moment of auto-training catharsis (culmination). Only after this is it allowed to recite selected affirmations to increase self-esteem. They also have many requirements:

It will be better if a psychologist suggests them to you in accordance with your individual characteristics.
Do not type more than 10 affirmations at a time.
Sets of 10 affirmations need to be changed every 1-2 weeks.
It’s better to memorize them rather than read them on paper or from your phone, as this will disrupt visualization (you can’t open your eyes). Another option is to listen to audio recordings with them, but not with headphones.
They need to be spoken out loud, in a clear, even, calm voice.
Pronunciation schemes can be different: the entire list from beginning to end, and then repeat it from the beginning, or say each phrase 2-3 times. It's up to you.
There is an effective technique that recommends working with only one affirmation until it becomes entrenched in the subconscious, and only then moving on to another.

Be careful! Auto-training is contraindicated in case of vegetative-vascular dystonia, acute somatic attacks, epilepsy, tendency to delirium and unclear consciousness.

The most common mistakes:

using the future tense in affirmations,
use of verb forms “can” and “will”,
use of the negative particle "not",
irregular work with affirmations (not every day),
a vinaigrette of phrases: today - one block, tomorrow - another,
lack of action: if you read the af, but you yourself once again refused to read the report at work, auto-training will be useless.

The task of auto-training is to clear the mind of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. A person with low self-esteem is a glass of dirty water. Activities of this kind are a filter that gradually clears it of unnecessary impurities. Do this until it becomes crystal clear.

Affirmations that increase self-esteem (approximate traditional block):

I am worthy of love and respect.
I act independently, without regard to other people's opinions.
Everything about me is beautiful: from the smallest details to serious actions.
Mistakes and criticism are inevitable, but they are just part of my experience and help me become better.
I forgive everyone who once offended me. And I myself let go of the feeling of guilt. All in the past.
I am the master of my life.
Everything works out for me. I'm lucky. I attract love, happiness and success.
I can take care of myself.
I am confident in the future.
Nothing can limit me in my actions and actions.

Lifehack. When you select a block of affirmations for yourself, write them down on a piece of paper with your left hand if you are right-handed, and vice versa. This activates the work of both hemispheres of the brain, and the effect of phrases on the subconscious will begin from this moment.

If you carry out auto-training correctly, you can literally increase your self-esteem in a month and love yourself even in the most advanced cases without the involvement of hypnosis and psychotherapy. This is an effective technique that is available to absolutely everyone at home.

Lifehack. Print or write affirmations on bright sheets of paper with inspiring pictures and hang them in different places in your apartment where you visit most often. When your gaze rests on them, mentally pronounce the phrase, convince yourself that you have read it, and do it all with a smile.

For auto-training, the correct formulation of affirmations is of great importance. For people with low self-esteem, they often become traps that, instead of treatment, drive them into an even greater dead end.

This happened to one of the writers. When she was young, her books sold well, but after the crisis of the 90s, publishers stopped taking her creations into circulation. She fell into depression, during which she convinced herself that it was not the economic situation in the country that was to blame for her lack of recognition, but a lack of talent. She stopped doing what she loved and sat at the checkout counter at a grocery store. Nervous work with capricious customers, undervaluation from her superiors, low salary - all this led to her self-esteem falling even more.

At some point, she realized the need to change something in her life and began doing auto training on her own, resumed work on a book, and left the hated position of a cashier. A month later, a tragedy occurred: all the publishing houses she applied to refused to publish her new work. The result is cut veins. Although everything worked out, thanks to the doctors who arrived on time.

Psychologists and psychotherapists began working with the writer. They couldn’t understand why auto-training, designed to increase her self-esteem, led to disastrous results until they looked at the list of facts, “My books are being sold like hot cakes by publishers,” and stuff like that. She convinced herself of what she had not yet achieved. And when these beliefs collapsed in real life, her subconscious could not cope with it.

Psychologist's advice

There is a universal reminder on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence that suits everyone. By trying to adhere to these 10 rules, you can quickly become a successful person who has overcome shyness and found the strength to adequately assess their capabilities.

Rule 1. Take care of your appearance

Get a medical examination, treat existing diseases - good health is the foundation of a beautiful appearance. Update your wardrobe by choosing clothes in bright colors. Go to the hairdresser and change your look. Buy yourself something you have long dreamed of. Men can buy stylish watches; psychologists say they improve self-esteem. For girls, jewelry can be such an accessory. Don't slouch or look at the floor, walk with your head held high and your back straight.

And stop paying attention to your physical flaws. Read about disabled people who have become models and beauty queens - this will be a good motivation to increase your own self-esteem.

Rule 2. Always smile

This may have to be done by force at first. But a couple of weeks of training and it won’t be as difficult for you as before. Smile even at those you can’t stand: people who radiate happiness attract success. This will give you a feeling of lightness and self-confidence.

Rule 3. Keep a success diary

Every day before you go to bed, make a few notes about what you were able to achieve that day. It could be little things: I smiled at the boss I hate, I did my morning exercises. Or major achievements: achieved a salary increase. Re-read your notes from time to time to track your progress. The main thing is to find positive aspects in your actions every day.

Rule 4. Don't be lazy

Work on yourself must be daily, otherwise there will be no results. There are people who achieve nothing not because of low self-esteem, but because of laziness. Don't let this be your situation. If you feel that you haven’t done anything today, it’s never too late to fix it: go for a walk with friends, watch a motivational film, do auto training.

Rule 5. Expand your social circle

To increase self-esteem, you need to loosen up. Become part of the community that surrounds you. With friends and a loved one it is easier to overcome your complexes. Go to holidays, exhibitions, communicate on social networks, establish contacts with colleagues and relationships with relatives.

Rule 6. Do only what you like

If you don't like the movie, don't watch it. If you don't like the book, take another one. If your colleague is annoying, try to communicate with him less. Learn to do only what gives you real pleasure.

Rule 7. Avoid bad thoughts

Avoid thinking and talking about any things in a negative way. Start with yourself: don’t criticize your appearance, don’t dwell on your own mistakes. Then extend this to others: every person has the right to leniency from you. Psychologists strongly advise against gossip.

Rule 8. Achieve your goals

Set the most realistic goals you can achieve by breaking them down into smaller tasks. Wrong wording: “I want a million.” Correct: “I deserve a salary increase.”

Rule 9. Learn to say “no”

The main sign of a person with low self-esteem is the inability to refuse. This creates a huge pile of responsibilities and tasks that are physically impossible to complete on time. The result is the formation of complexes (I can’t do anything), a depressed, depressed state, an exaggerated sense of guilt. Learn to say no and people will respect you in return.

Rule 10. Learn to accept criticism

Take criticism and your own mistakes as experiences that make you stronger. There is no need to become hysterical and burst into tears at every remark. Know how to correct what really requires correction, and not pay attention to what was said in a fit of anger and has no real basis. Learn to see the motives of people who say negative things to you. For example, a friend may say that you look bad out of envy. Your husband didn’t notice your new manicure only because he was tired from work and was exhausted. So don’t beat yourself up and objectively perceive all the information that comes to you.

These recommendations should be followed by both those who are trying to increase their self-esteem on their own and those who do this with the help of a psychologist.

How to increase self-esteem: practice from the field of NLP

Many people suffer from low self-esteem: they are afraid to start their own business, they do not dare to take courses at an acting school, or engage in creativity. Eternal beliefs that they are unworthy of the best and are unlikely to cope with the difficulties ahead prevent them from living life to the fullest. Examples from history show that even unremarkable people can achieve incredible success if they work long and persistently towards their goal. However, this is only possible if a person has adequate (maybe even slightly inflated) self-esteem.

You've probably read a lot of advice on how to increase self-esteem: this includes shopping for yourself and complimenting your loved one. But, for the most part, all these are superficial methods, the effect of which ends very quickly. We need more in-depth methods based on the laws of psychology. And to get to know yourself better, get to know your strengths, recognize your weaknesses and outline a vector for self-development, come to the “Self-Knowledge” program.

How to increase self-esteem

The following ten-step exercise was created based on NLP techniques and techniques. Don't miss a single recommendation, be methodical and persistent. Start doing it right now.

This exercise will help you if you suffer from low self-esteem or have difficulty solving everyday problems.

If ordinary affairs overwhelm you, this practice will increase self-confidence, restore faith in your own strength to overcome all the difficulties of life.

This exercise is also valuable if you are shy and tend to succumb to fear of criticism, rejection, failure, and mistakes.

In particularly difficult situations, you should do the practice twice a day. In short, the more often the better. NLP techniques work much more effectively when repeated frequently.

Step One: Relax and Use Your Imagination

Close your eyes and begin to relax your body. Inhale and exhale several times, making sure that the air invigorates you.

Now think about a person who truly cares about you and loves you. Picture it in your mind. Let nothing else but him remain in your thoughts.

Step two: use your imagination and write

Imagine that you are sitting at a large table in a mysterious room with magnificent ornaments and paintings.

You sit in this room on a comfortable chair, pen in hand, writing (and drawing) your autobiography in a majestic hardcover book.

You are essentially writing the story of your life and how it has unfolded over the years since the day you were born. It includes all the important positive things you have experienced, as well as all the problems you have faced over the years.

This autobiography you are writing concerns your entire life. We are talking about your past, present, and also about the as yet unwritten future, which you are now beginning to finally piece together.

As you continue to write, you suddenly remember the loving person we talked about earlier. In fact, it's right there, behind the glass door in the other room. If there are many such people, introduce them all.

Step Three: Write and Feel

Remember the wonderful times you had with this person. Ask yourself:

How exactly do I feel around this person(s)?
What do I think and feel about myself when I'm around him?
In what ways am I a better person when I am in his company?

Feel confident, empowered, and inspired by your answers.

Step Four: Feel and Float

Watch a loving person smile at you from afar. It's a warm and sweet smile.

Slowly but surely, you get closer and closer to this person standing behind the glass door. A part of you breaks away from your body and floats through that door and stands next to the loving person.

Now you are watching yourself with him, writing an autobiography.

Step Five: Look at Yourself

As you stand next to your loving person behind the glass door, look at your gorgeous self sitting at the table.

Then take a moment to reflect on your feelings and thoughts:

How do I look from this perspective?
What thoughts do I have about myself?
What is this person I see truly capable of?
What incredible goals could he achieve?

You ponder these questions as you continue to watch yourself sitting at your desk writing your autobiography.

Step six: look at yourself through the eyes of a loving person

Take a loving person's hand. Feel yourself being pulled inside of him. Now you see with his eyes, hear with his ears and experience the same sensations. He looks at you sitting behind the glass door.

You are no longer "you". You are now part of this person who deeply cares, loves and adores you.

Step Seven: Shift Your Perspective

Now try to understand what a loving person thinks about you. Ask yourself the following questions:

What does this person think about me?
What feelings does he have for me?
What amazing qualities does he see in me?
What does he think I'm capable of?

Don't judge or criticize or question the answers you receive. Instead, experience the warm, positive energy emanating from your loved one.

Step Eight: Convey Your Feelings

Having realized that a loving person thinks about you, gradually move your consciousness away from him. Convey your current emotions, feelings and words to yourself sitting at the table behind the glass door.

When this transfer occurs, notice that you are sitting in your office and writing in your autobiography about the feelings you just experienced. You highlight what you feel and how it has changed your perspective about life, others, yourself, and the world around you.

Step Nine: Write About the Future

Now accept all these positive feelings and start writing about your future with a feeling of gratitude.

As you continue writing, ask yourself:

What is my opinion of myself now?
How am I feeling?
What am I capable of?
What kind of future will I create for myself?
What fears do I want and can overcome?
What problems am I ready and able to solve?
How will my self-confidence manifest itself now?
What has changed in me that will now lead me forward in a positive way?

Take your time answering these questions. This is the most important step of the entire exercise. Think about the profound impact these feelings have on yourself. Commit to yourself to put that positive energy into everything you do.

Step Ten: Awake

You complete your autobiography, and the lights in the mysterious room slowly begin to dim. When it finally goes out, you will gradually return back to your physical body.

Open your eyes and feel a surge of positive energy flowing through your veins. Feel alive and empowered more than ever before. Now nothing is impossible for you. Ask yourself:

What is possible for me now?
What can I do to accept this new perspective?
What can I do right now to make this day extraordinary?

This seemingly simple exercise can have a serious impact on your level of self-esteem and self-confidence. And all it takes is a small shift in perspective.

When we are vulnerable and our self-esteem is at zero, it is difficult for us to objectively assess our capabilities. However, this exercise teaches that the perspective does not necessarily have to be ours; we can look at the world and ourselves with the help of the eyes, ears and sensations of a loving person. And from this moment we understand that our perception is only one of billions that exist.

Of course, the more often you repeat this exercise, the more deeply this perspective will become ingrained in your psyche. And in the end it will truly be yours.

Different people perceive you from different points of view. Each of them sees you in a special way and therefore gives you the opportunity to see alternative angles of perception of what you are potentially capable of in a certain situation.

The more points of view you can ingrain within yourself, the more flexible you will become. Try the following exercise and share how it affected your self-esteem.

We wish you good luck!

The article was written based on materials from the site https://blog.iqmatrix.com.

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
Five-minute exercises to improve concentration
Life story reframe
How to develop the power of visualization
10 Steps to Healthy Self-Esteem
Seven Visualization Techniques
The Complete Guide to Self-Confidence
Freewriting: hunting for thoughts
Formation of correct self-esteem
Mindfulness Exercises
How to write books: 10 tips from great writers

Key words:1Self-knowledge

Special cases

How to increase your child's self-esteem

Regardless of the child’s age, parents need to contact a child psychologist and not hide anything from him about parenting methods and problems at school. Don't act on your own. Otherwise, help may be useless.

Working with preschoolers

Don't criticize. Learn to accept your child as he is, with all his shortcomings.
Don't raise your voice, don't scold. Make comments calmly, do not shout.
Hug him more often, kiss him, show him your love, give him compliments, praise him for every little thing.
The child is your own reflection. Do not engage in self-flagellation in front of him.
Don't let him compare himself to others. Explain that every person is good in their own way.
Ask his opinion, ask him to justify it, gently correct his point of view if it goes against generally accepted rules.
Create a cozy atmosphere at home, without quarrels and scandals.
Provide him with enough communication with his peers.
Talk to the kindergarten teachers so that they don’t focus on his mistakes and scold him in front of the whole group.

Increasing the self-esteem of younger schoolchildren

We take into account all the recommendations for parents of preschoolers (they remain relevant at this stage of the child’s development) and add a few more.

Find activities for your child in which he is most successful, enroll in clubs and sections.
Motivate him to participate in competitions, relay races, Olympiads, but only in those areas where he can achieve success.
Always be a support and protection for your child if he is right.
Teach him to say “no” to both peers and adults.
Keep him a journal (diary) of his own achievements.
Never compare with your classmates in terms of studies.
If serious learning problems are identified, talk to the teacher about how to improve the child's progress. Do not refuse tutors if necessary.
In the case when he does the wrong thing, do not swear, but give examples from life of what such mistakes are fraught with.
Don't put too high demands on him.

With teenagers

And again, cheat sheets continue to work on how to increase self-esteem in preschool and primary school age, plus we take into account additional advice from psychologists that concerns only teenagers.

No matter how difficult it may be to endure adolescence, you need to be patient and avoid conflicts with a teenager as much as possible.
Learn to respect him and his opinion, which you definitely need to be interested in even in small things, from choosing a toothbrush to decorating the interior of a room.
Teach him to take care of his own appearance, which in adolescence is important for the formation of adequate self-esteem.
Do not allow a teenager to talk about himself in a negative way, humiliate himself, underestimate his own data and successes, compare himself with someone.
Listen to his wishes: if he wants to lose weight, help organize proper nutrition and create a workout plan, and not allow him to drive himself to anorexia.
Cultivate in him tolerance and humanity towards others. Psychologists say that this is one of the most effective methods for increasing a teenager’s self-esteem.
You can teach him auto-training.
Encourage communication with peers, but at the same time monitor his circle of friends in terms of reliability and adequacy.
Introduce a healthy lifestyle: proper nutrition, daily routine, adequate sleep, exercise and the absence of bad habits.

How to increase a woman's self-esteem

According to statistics, women are much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem than men. They are too critical of their appearance, too keen on self-examination and are capable of turning a tiny fly into a huge elephant.

A few recommendations from psychologists:

Stop comparing yourself to others. Find the strengths in yourself that make you stand out.
Never speak badly about yourself, either alone, much less in front of someone. Stop yourself from even thinking about yourself in a negative way.
Take care of your appearance and health, which are interconnected. Looking well-groomed is half the battle on the road to adequate self-esteem.
Learn to respond correctly to compliments. Not “Come on, I’m ordinary” or “Why are you flattering me,” but “Thank you, it’s very nice.”
If you are constantly humiliated by your boss (husband, boyfriend, father, mother, girlfriend), either learn to fight back or stop communicating. Yes, it’s difficult: quitting your usual job, breaking off a relationship with a loved one, saying “no” to your own parents. But otherwise you will have to endure them all your life.
Find something that gives you pleasure and find time for it at least once a week: shopping, watching your favorite TV series, going to a beauty salon.

The main recommendation for men whose girlfriends or wives have low self-esteem: never compare them with others, give compliments and gifts more often. This is the best psychotherapeutic help in this situation.

Example from practice. A young man came to a psychologist with the problem that his girlfriend had too low self-esteem, and he could not raise it in any way. She had a difficult childhood when her mother left her small children in her care and forced her to work in the market from the age of 12. She never had beautiful things, she didn’t know how to take care of herself, and she wasn’t successful with her classmates. That is, the reasons for self-doubt were obvious.

Work began with a psychologist. The guy taught the girl to dress beautifully, take care of herself, helped her enroll in a correspondence course at a university, gave gifts, and was attentive and gentle. However, even after six months of painstaking work, little has changed. She was still too shy, unsure of her abilities, and still considered herself worthless.

And only then was it possible to find out the main reason why the course of psychological help remained ineffective: the guy reminded the girl almost every day about her unsuccessful childhood. And he did it without malicious intent, he wanted her to see the difference between the past and the present. But in fact, she only aggravated the situation, forcing her to relive those moments of humiliation again and again.

After identifying this error, the couple managed to cope with the problem, the girl blossomed, became a happy wife, realized herself as a good mother, and was even able to make a career.

How to increase a man's self-esteem

It is much more difficult to work with low self-esteem in men. Firstly, most often the reasons go deep into childhood, and they do not strive to advertise them, but carefully hide them, out of shame. Secondly, they themselves are more closed than women, and for psychologists it is trust that plays an important role. Thirdly, persuading them to go to a specialist is a big problem.

What should men do to increase their self-esteem?

Set a realistic goal for yourself, break it down into several tasks and gradually move towards achieving it.
Take every mistake not as a blow of fate, but as a chance to improve and become better.
Workout.
Update your wardrobe.
Find a hobby.
Expand your social circle.
Offer your boss some innovative ideas, give a presentation, or take on a new project with further prospects for career growth.
Help others.
Start a relationship, start a family, become a father.

Recommendations from psychologists for a woman/girl on how to increase self-esteem for her husband/boyfriend:

Encourage him in any endeavors, motivate him to take decisive actions and actions.
Enlist the support of his loved ones: talk to friends, parents, colleagues so that you all act together.
Don't nag him, don't insult him, don't humiliate him, don't criticize him.
Praise for any achievements.
Ask, take into account and respect his opinion.
Ask for help with household chores, studying, raising children.

And the most important advice is to love him. A man who has a loving and caring wife waiting at home is more likely to be successful in his career and does not experience problems with self-esteem.

Effective methods to increase self-esteem

The most important step on the path to self-improvement is to recognize that there is a problem. Often a person disguises it behind other feelings and deliberately avoids resolving the issue. As soon as awareness comes, you can safely move on to the following methods of increasing self-confidence:

Keep a diary of achievements. This step does not require any serious financial or time expenditure. It's simple: at the end of each day, take 10-15 minutes to write down your small and big victories that happened to you today. Maybe you read a book or finally got up an hour earlier than usual? You can always find a reason to praise. This will help you develop a positive mindset every day and focus your vision on personal success. It is important to re-read your notes daily.
Change your environment. Evaluate those with whom you communicate most often. If there are negative people in your circle, refuse to interact with them. More often you are in the company of positive and successful people who are confident and have a positive attitude towards you.
Play sports. The best way to distract yourself and clear your thoughts of negativity is physical exercise. In addition, if low self-esteem is associated with external data, sports will help you get in shape. By the way, during sports, our body produces the hormone of happiness - dopamine.
Give up self-criticism and soul-searching. You won’t be able to increase your self-esteem if you constantly scold yourself for something or constantly express dissatisfaction with your appearance and abilities. Praise yourself more often and think positive thoughts.
Avoid comparisons. Each of you is a unique person with your own individual set of qualities, strengths and weaknesses. Remember that there will always be those who have achieved greater results than you. In this case, it is worth taking an example from them, and not engaging in self-flagellation. Better yet, compare yourself today with yourself yesterday, and track your growth by recording your achievements in the diary we talked about above.
Listen and say affirmations. Affirmation is a positive judgment that creates the right psychological attitude. These are our statements and beliefs, thoughts, feelings and desires that we want to have right now. It is important to formulate affirmations in the present tense. For example: “I have a prestigious and highly paid job”, “I am beautiful and healthy”, “I am a happy person”.
Get out of your comfort zone. Yes, many people have heard about this method, but not everyone decides to do it, because it’s so comfortable and safe to be in your “shell.” Face your problem. Do you feel insecure when you are in a new company? Visit crowded places and events more often and be the first to start a conversation. Our online program “Best Communication Techniques” will be an excellent assistant for you, where you will learn how to interact more effectively with people thanks to interesting communication techniques. You just have to take a step and you will understand that everything is not as scary as it seemed at first glance.
Attend trainings. There are many different training activities aimed at increasing self-esteem and gaining self-confidence, so all you have to do is choose the one that’s right for you. If you are not yet ready to take the training, watch a movie or read a book on a current topic.
Forgive yourself. Uncertainty is often a consequence of feeling guilty about oneself. None of us are immune from mistakes, and it is important to be able to forgive ourselves for them. Write yourself a note and tell in it about your feelings, emotions, thoughts, problems, failures, and be sure to forgive yourself in writing for everything for which you feel guilty.
Meditate. Meditation helps you completely relax physically and let go of your thoughts. There are many different techniques aimed at getting rid of self-resentment and achieving peace.

Self-confidence is not an innate quality, but rather formed in the process of life. Your main task on the path to healthy self-esteem is to love yourself, learn to believe in your own strength, which is only possible through daily work on yourself and your thoughts.

Do what you love, do not deny yourself small and big joys, always think about the good and then everything will work out!

Good luck!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
Conditions for character formation
The Complete Guide to Self-Confidence
Three masks of pathological narcissism
Overcoming impostor syndrome
Formation of correct self-esteem
How to increase self-esteem: practice from the field of NLP
Formation of self-awareness
Self-criticism
Psychological picture
Personal authenticity: what it means to be yourself

Key words: 1 Communication, 1 Psychoregulation

Movies

When you watch TV shows about a beautiful life, they plunge you into an even greater abyss of your own complexes. There is a constant comparison of oneself with on-screen characters in favor of the latter. It lowers rather than increases self-esteem. Therefore, while working on yourself, exclude them from your pastime. They have a worthy replacement. Firstly, various trainings, master classes and video trainings in the form of documentaries. Secondly, masterpieces of artistic cinema that motivate rather than destroy self-awareness.

Documentary:

Brian Tracy. Self-esteem. Psychology of success.
Depression and self-esteem. Jacque Fresco. Venus Project.
How to increase self-esteem? 10 proven methods.
Psychology of Personality. Low self-esteem. How to improve low self-esteem.
Self-confidence is the key to victory!

Artistic:

The Pursuit of Happyness.
Always say yes".
Peaceful warrior.
Never give up.
The man who changed everything.

Methods to increase self-esteem

To ensure that your self-esteem reaches the level you need, you can use various methods and techniques recommended by experts. When a person realizes that he has a problem, he does not necessarily need to contact a psychologist or psychiatrist.

I bring to your attention the most common methods for solving this issue.

Stop constantly criticizing yourself and comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people in your life whose personal qualities are superior to yours. With constant comparison, there will only be insurmountable rivals around you.
Let go of the past. What is done cannot be returned or corrected. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. Get rid of guilt. Never blame yourself or speak about yourself in negative terms.
Repeat affirmations daily. Only positive statements addressed to yourself lead to an increase in self-esteem. You deserve praise and compliments. Receive them with words of gratitude. By saying “nothing special,” etc., you subconsciously reduce your importance and reject what was said to you.
Engage in self-development. Personal development can begin with an analysis of what has been accomplished. Learn from every day you live, even from mistakes. All this is your life, your choice, your experience. Read, watch educational videos, learn new things.
Analyze your surroundings. Try to contact those who are committed to personal and professional growth. Pessimists tend to suppress the impulses of others. Protect yourself from contacts with such people so that your psyche does not suffer from communicating with them.
Make a list of positive things. Remember your achievements and victories, write them down and be sure to re-read this list from time to time. Also write a list of your positive qualities. Minimum 20 pieces. Research shows that regularly reading these posts is a way to increase self-esteem through feelings of joy and pride in yourself.
Learn to selflessly do good to others. There is no need to demand anything in return. Help others, encourage and cheer them up. The absence of claims to reward is another step towards personal growth in one’s own eyes. Take pleasure in the good deeds you perform.
Having a hobby or other favorite activity. Do what you are passionate about. If your work brings you pleasure, then you do it well, which means your self-esteem only increases. Whether it's a hobby or your main job, the main thing is that you personally like it.
Take responsibility for everything that happens and doesn't happen to you. Your life is in your hands. Only you yourself have the right to plan it. Don't look around at other people. Make your own decisions. Don't expect a reaction from others, even those closest to you. Make your choice, implement your plans and don’t be afraid of mistakes.
Start working on yourself now, this minute, don’t hesitate! Your self-esteem will not grow on its own if you sit still. Accept every challenge thrown by fate. After all, in action you will have a positive attitude, self-esteem will increase, and as a result, self-esteem.

This list can be continued for a long time. However, based on the diagnostic results of specialists, people who adhered to these points (not even all, but selectively) achieved great results in increasing their own self-esteem.