From this article you will learn:
- What is self-esteem and what does it affect?
- What are the signs of low self-esteem in a man?
- What are some ways to increase self-esteem in men?
- How can a woman raise a man's self-esteem?
- What films to watch to increase self-esteem with a man
What is self-esteem and what does it affect?
Self-esteem is very important in the life of any of us. It helps to build relationships between people in the family and society, achieve goals in study, work, creativity, achieve financial well-being, and satisfy physical and spiritual needs. A person’s understanding of his individuality and value when interacting with others, a sober look at his personal qualities, strengths and weaknesses - this is self-esteem.
What does it give:
- feeling of security:
a person feels confident and independent of other people’s opinions; - freedom of action:
a person can perform actions based on personal choice; - opportunity for self-improvement:
to achieve success in life you need to constantly develop, you cannot stop there.
Self-esteem often depends on life situations and the opinions of others: most people care what friends, colleagues, neighbors and relatives think about them. Although ideally this important criterion should be formed solely on the basis of personal judgments about oneself.
Psychologists divide self-esteem into types (adequate, distorted and mixed) and levels (normal, low, high). Experts call the ability to most accurately assess one’s personal qualities, abilities and shortcomings adequate or ideal self-esteem, but, alas, it is in short supply. More common is low (leads to excessive anxiety, self-criticism, complexes and passivity) or high (prevents you from taking criticism sensibly, making reasonable compromises, and can lead to a loss of caution and other mistakes).
Psychologists note that low self-esteem is more common. It prevents a person from realizing their potential, demonstrating their abilities and talents, and in advanced cases leads to the development of an inferiority complex.
Adequate self-perception is to accept and love yourself as you are: with all the quirks and quirks. There are no ideal people; everyone has flaws. The main thing is not to get hung up on them, correct them if possible, but put your virtues first and believe in your strengths.
Experts in the field of psychology have identified an interesting pattern: most often for communication we choose people who are successful and self-sufficient. These are the people most of us prefer to deal with in business, friendship and marriage. But an insecure man is not the best option for a close relationship.
How low self-esteem manifests itself in men
Perhaps the role of self-esteem in the lives of representatives of the stronger sex is exaggerated, and indecision is a trifle for them? And the question “how to increase a man’s self-esteem and confidence” is not relevant? Not at all. The inability to perceive yourself adequately can ruin your career and poison your personal life. Anyone who always considers himself a failure eventually becomes one: due to constant fear and indecision, he is simply unable to achieve success. Having experienced defeat, he immediately gives up and does not think of making at least one more attempt. It is difficult for such a person to change his life for the better.
At the same time, a man with low self-esteem is unlikely to admit his problem. Rather, he will mask it with arrogance, or even aggression. With such a “cargo” it is not easy to establish both professional and personal relationships. The only way out is to take others like yourself as partners. But this is a bad option for starting a family. You shouldn’t expect indecisive parents to raise children with a healthy sense of self-esteem.
You can “identify” an insecure man even by his appearance: he is unkempt and neglected. However, the opposite option cannot be ruled out: low self-esteem can be hidden in an elaborate appearance. Those who care more about the opinions of others than their own self-esteem find it difficult to get along with friends and colleagues. Quarrels and complaints are also inevitable in the family. People with low self-esteem are offended by others because of their bad luck.
Men who do not believe in their own strengths often make mistakes in choosing life guidelines and easily succumb to pressure. In addition, they quickly acquire bad habits.
It is a mistake to think that indecisiveness manifested in one area will not affect other aspects of life. If, say, an influential boss has difficulty communicating with women or has complexes because of his appearance, this nuance will most likely be reflected in business relationships: he may become familiar with his female colleagues or, on the contrary, humiliate them, tyrannize them with excessive demands .
Recommended articles on this topic:
- Manipulation, worship and narcissism: how to live with a narcissistic man?
- Phrases for dating that will make a man ask you out on a date
- Training, psychologist or psychic: where to go when everything is difficult?
Low self-esteem and its causes
Low self-esteem is characterized by lack of self-confidence, difficult experiences of failure, suspiciousness and dependence on the opinions of others. A minor problem in a particular area of life is very unsettling and affects other life decisions. A man thinks of himself as unworthy, and minor troubles confirm these pessimistic thoughts, and successes are ignored or attributed to random luck.
Like many psychological problems, the causes of insecurity come from childhood. Parents influence the child and his self-image. There is no other material for building self-esteem. Subsequent events either strengthen a decent self-esteem or destroy a healthy self-image.
Parents influence the boy in the following ways:
- Excessive punishment, criticism, scolding. Many adults are sure that praise has a bad effect on a child, especially a boy, and looking for negativity in any achievement will make him try harder. But that's not true. The child gets used to underestimating himself.
- If the child is only praised and the slightest whims are satisfied, he becomes a man who will have increased self-esteem. A large amount of enthusiasm for any action and protection from work and failure will result in problems in adulthood.
- If parents praise a boy for something that does not deserve praise, then self-doubt appears - the child cannot leave the feeling that praise is not deserved. There is no truthful assessment, and in the future a man is always looking for tricks and lies, because the self-assessment of activity is not formed correctly.
Subsequently, these attitudes are tested at school, in the yard and in communication with girls. If you're lucky, there will be a chance to compensate for parental influence. Success in school, sports, friendships, or other endeavors will instill confidence and improve self-esteem. But if a child is shy by nature, anxious and suggestible, then everything around him will only confirm his failure and the rightness of his squabbling parents.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
A child (and then a teenager, a young man, a man) faces failures, betrayals, and deception. To learn to cope with this, a strong positive sense of self must be instilled by parents.
Read more about the reasons for low self-esteem →
Reasons for low self-esteem in men
Many factors influence men's self-esteem. It is quite difficult to figure out why it is so low on your own; it is advisable to take professional help from a psychologist. He will give special recommendations on how a man can love himself and increase his self-esteem.
Often the roots of the problem of self-doubt lie in childhood; they are associated with mistakes in upbringing. If a child is subject to exorbitant demands, often criticized and compared with friends or classmates, citing their successes as an example, he will always lack self-confidence. By doing this to their son, parents form a loser complex in him from a young age, which will bring a lot of trouble in adulthood.
Low self-esteem in men can occur due to:
- dissatisfaction with appearance;
- presence of physical disabilities or diseases;
- sexual problems: insufficient erection, decreased sexual function, partner dissatisfaction, etc.
The question of how to increase a man’s self-esteem after a divorce is especially relevant. Self-esteem can also suffer in cases where a man sets too high a bar for himself in business, in achieving financial success, in personal relationships, but cannot approach the given level. As a result, he feels disappointed both in life and in himself.
Even more about the motivation of men's actions here:
Orthodox view
One of the most important Christian commandments is: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” How to love yourself - even the Bible says to love yourself first, and then your neighbor, as well as yourself. It seems there is nothing simpler - love yourself, your neighbor and everything will work out. Whether you believe in God or not, the wisest book on earth teaches this.
Basically, someone who does not have self-love leads a hermit’s life. He is alone, doomed to emotional and psychological suffering in all areas of life: in marriage, family, team, partnerships.
It would be good for everyone to know how to love themselves and increase their self-esteem, because a person who does not love himself, by definition, is not able to love others and be happy.
How can a woman improve her man's low self-esteem?
Do you want to feel comfortable next to a man? Make him feel strong, needed, confident. There are several ways for a woman to increase a man's self-esteem.
- Accept your chosen one for who he is.
The main condition for a man’s adequate self-esteem is the confidence that his beloved will always accept him without condemnation or reproach. Not in an emphatic and forced way, as if you have to endure someone as you are, but loving them completely: both with a “bullet” in your head and with a complex character. Men have the right to weaknesses and shortcomings. You just need to remember this.
- Don't let him doubt your love.
Have you heard that men are like children? Although they don’t show it, they really need constant love and affection. Try whenever possible to show how you value your union, how you value feelings. A man in society is assigned an unenviable role: to constantly win the sympathy of the weaker sex. And when he is pushed away simply because he is in a bad mood, he may mistake it for a breakup and feel terribly unhappy.
- Admire the man.
Anyone can criticize, but what's the point? Constant comments do not inspire confidence in anyone. But praise is a completely different matter. Find a reason to admire it and admire it! Aloud.
- Let him be silent when he wants it.
Men are not always ready to talk about their love. Do not “knock out” a narrowed confession - this way you show your distrust and deprive him of self-confidence.
Do you want to know how to increase a man’s self-esteem both at 30 and after 40? Remember the rules:
- do not speak disparagingly about him in conversation with others;
- do not compare him with more successful acquaintances;
- praise always and everywhere, criticize extremely carefully;
- celebrate his slightest achievement, if not with applause, then with a kiss;
- smile at him every time you meet, be gentle;
- surround him with coziness and comfort;
- don’t take scattered socks as an insult, it’s better to accept it;
- Don’t forget that men and women are aliens from different planets; they perceive space, time, and logic differently.
See about the influence of women on men:
Why should you always try to increase your self-esteem?
There are at least 3 reasons why any man should try to improve his low self-esteem:
- Career.
In Hollywood films you can often find such a hackneyed plot.
A nerdy boy comes to apply for his dream job, but fails due to lack of confidence.
He begins to tell his failed superiors the sad story of his life, babbling something about low self-esteem.
The financial tycoons shed a tear and take the boy to work.
It's all nonsense!
In real life, if you show yourself to be an insecure nerd at an interview, and then start whining, then in the blink of an eye you will find yourself at the door with the advice: “Man, increase your self-esteem and only then come!”
- Love.
Well, beautiful and smart young ladies don’t like insecure whiners who suffer from complexes.
They love strong and confident men.
Again, forget the Hollywood teen comedies where the homely nerd suddenly starts dating the prettiest girl in class because she saw something in him.
Instead of believing in fairy tales, better think about how to increase your self-esteem.
- Success.
A vague concept, I agree.
But no matter what you invest in it, you will never achieve that same success until you increase your own self-esteem.
A loser with a bunch of complexes - yes, you will remain!
No, you won’t become a successful summit conqueror!
