When did all this start? During the period of teenage rebellion, when you so wanted to express yourself, and your mother, looking at your metamorphoses, pursed her lips and dryly said: “It was much better with long hair!” Look who you look like?”
Or later, when you managed to get your first long-awaited job in a prestigious company, but no one in the team was eager to help you, and you had to get out on your own: somewhere to remain silent, somewhere to take on someone else’s responsibilities? Why are you afraid of judgment and dependent on what others say about you?
In this article:
Why do you depend on the opinions of others? Do you depend on the opinions of others? Why is dependence on other people’s opinions bad? How to stop depending on other people’s opinions
Find a role model
Find someone in whom you admire self-respect and independence, and be guided by that example. This will help fill your lack of self-confidence, and you will begin to more clearly imagine the future you dream of. We only have one life, and it's too short.
Do you really want to live it constantly worrying about other people's opinions? Are you ready to always do only what others say? If they tell you that work at a company is going wrong, then don’t listen to other people’s negativity. It’s better to order a professional audit, thanks to which you yourself can put your affairs in order and achieve your goals.
How dependence on others affects life
A person for whom the opinions of the people around him are important first of all loses his individuality. He is under constant pressure and cannot make decisions on his own. And that's not all the problems:
- Always and in all matters, an outside assessment is needed. Addicted people ask all their acquaintances and friends for comments.
- There is no strength to contradict the advice and opinion of parents. This is especially true for those for whom decisions in childhood and adolescence were made by their mother and father. A person is simply unable to act independently. He will always depend on their opinion. And it makes no difference how old he is.
- Inability to defend one's own opinion. If in childhood a child was subjected to pressure when making a decision, in adulthood he is unlikely to be able to prove he is right or enter into an argument. Rather, he will agree with the interlocutor, pushing his desires and preferences back.
- The thirst to be like someone. Dependence on other people's opinions forces you to be the same as other people and not stand out from the crowd. It is important for a person to be no worse than those around him, but the same as them.
And finally, the most important problem: dependent people avoid any responsibility. They are ready to deceive in order to refuse to make decisions.
How to learn not to depend on other people's opinions
Psychologists identify several ways to change your thinking, accept your opinion and find your own “I”. Following them will help you become a strong person who is not afraid to make decisions and not shift responsibility onto the shoulders of others.
Change yourself, that is, learn to be yourself
To do this, you must really want change. Science fiction writer Ray Bradbury said an interesting idea that a person can achieve what he wants if he really needs it.
Changing yourself starts with the way you think. It is not for nothing that they say that our reality is the result of thoughts and behavior in different situations. You need to think carefully and decide what is more important: your own life or the personal opinions of others.
A good example of a person who successfully struggled with dependence on other people’s opinions is Salvador Dali. According to him, he acquired the habit of being different from other people in early childhood.
Control yourself
More than useful advice. Following it will teach you to find a middle ground between your own and other people’s opinions.
In some situations, someone around you may be more competent in a particular issue or have more experience. And perhaps it can be listened to in the decision-making process. However, you need to understand what a person is guided by when giving recommendations. Does he really want to help or is he just imposing his opinion? You also need to ask yourself the question: how is the decision made: according to your desires and preferences or to please the interlocutor?
There are many examples of such situations. Young people are advised to get married because it is time or because everyone is doing it. The mother asks her daughter to bring her groom to her meeting, because it is a shame in front of the neighbors that the girl has not yet gotten married. People often spend huge amounts of money on unnecessary things just to keep up with others. Here people are deprived of their own opinions and follow the lead of others.
Love yourself
Everyone has their own ideal. Essentially, it is a relative concept. An example for some is often uninteresting for others. In any case, there will be a person who has the opposite opinion and will condemn our choice. As they say, how many people, so many opinions.
In view of the above, a completely logical question arises: why waste your nerves and energy trying to please someone. Maybe it’s better to pay attention to yourself, your opinion and your merits?
A person who does not have a personal opinion does not love himself. Hence the lack of initiative and indecision. Self-education and development will help correct the situation.
Stop overthinking
How to learn not to depend on other people's opinions in this way? We need to understand that we do not occupy the first place in the lives of others. A person is primarily interested in his own problems.
An example is the situation in a work team. Let's say one of the married colleagues began an affair with an employee. What happened, of course, attracted others. And they even discussed a couple. However, it took no more than 10 minutes. To the culprit of the fuss, it seems that conversations are being conducted behind his back and gossip is being spread. He constantly gets nervous, blushes, stumbles in conversation and, in the end, quits. And this is his main mistake. His life was of interest to employees only for a short period of time and soon they forgot about what happened.
It's the same in real life. Even if blue hair, a sweater worn inside out, or an unusual manicure surprises someone, it won’t last long. Strangers are still more fixated on what is happening in their lives. Although they have their own opinion on every issue.
Learn to ignore other people's opinions if they are not constructive
The only person who will not be criticized and condemned is the person who has never achieved anything and has remained a nobody. There is no need to be one. It is better to listen to all criticism, but accept the one that will help you change. A worthwhile thought on this matter was said by Steve Jobs: “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
The achievements of other people cause a lot of controversy, conversation and envy among those who, due to laziness, lack of ability or willpower, did not reach their goal. Their only joy is criticism and condemnation of a more successful person. The main task is not only to express an opinion, but also to make people become disappointed in themselves and leave the so-called pedestal.
Unfortunately, sometimes “haters” manage to get their way. If you have to deal with such people, you need to turn the conversation into a joke or treat what is said with humor. You should not allow them to subjugate you to their envy, unconstructive criticism and wrong opinions.
Be confident
Another way to not pay attention to the opinions of strangers. Don't be ashamed of yourself and try to blend in with the crowd. For example, a person decided to change his hairstyle and dye his hair bright pink. This is his opinion and decision, which you should be proud of. People around you will treat it accordingly. Otherwise, they will mock and condemn.
The topic of self-confidence is quite complex. But you can still change yourself. Just follow a few simple tips:
- remember achievements and victories;
- take responsibility for life;
- do not be afraid to be real with all the advantages and disadvantages;
- do something that brings you pleasure;
- devote time to self-development;
- take care of your appearance, which also adds confidence.
You also need to pay attention to such points as a comfortable position, correct posture, etc. When speaking, it is recommended to look your interlocutor in the eyes.
Pay attention to details
This includes something that many people don't even pay attention to:
- manner of communication;
- dress;
- pose;
- first thought after waking up;
- way of greeting.
And that is not all. There are moments that also deserve to be taken seriously. These are optimism, the ability to listen carefully to your interlocutor, restraint regardless of the situation, respect for other people and a smile.
These are just some of the “little things” that, to one degree or another, help you hear yourself and your desires, and not be led by the opinions of strangers.
Don't be afraid to respond to insults
There are situations when criticism and an attempt to impose an opinion must be responded to sharply and, perhaps, even rudely. The book “Black Rhetoric: The Power and Magic of the Word,” written by Cartsen Bredemeier, will help with this. The name speaks for itself.
Face your fears
Fighting fears and dependence on other people's opinions significantly increases self-esteem and self-confidence. This is a great opportunity to become stronger.
Psychologists advise paying attention to both small and big fears. The latter include a parachute jump, performing on stage in public, or visiting a snake or spider exhibition. So, step by step, a person will learn not to be afraid of judgment from the outside and not to listen to other people’s opinions.
Be independent
There is no need to ask others questions about appearance, clothing and overall image, since they may have their own opinion on this matter. Each person must manage his own life. You should decide for yourself what to wear, what to cook and what hairstyle to do.
This approach to decision making helps both to grow up and become responsible, and not to pay attention to other people's opinions.
Know exactly what you want and go for it
This method of not depending on the opinions of others helps to identify desires and draw up an action plan. Psychologists recommend taking a blank sheet of paper and writing down big and small goals on it. This will help you decide the direction of movement and control your life.
If a person knows exactly what he wants and where he is going, he does not need the opinions and approval of others. He is able to guide himself and even give advice.
Be honest with yourself and live in the present.
It depends only on the person how happy today will be. If the opinions of others are important to him, he will live it in fear and anxiety, fearing condemnation and criticism from the outside. Otherwise, he won’t care who thinks what.
Don't worry if people don't agree with our opinion. We must remember that responsibility for actions and actions lies solely with us. Understanding this will help you become satisfied with life and independent of outside approval.
Surround yourself with people who will accept you
Every person needs support. But not everyone should look for it. It is better to choose those people who will gladly support all your endeavors and help you achieve what you want. Those who advise you to give up your dreams and impose their opinions should be avoided.
People around you are also concerned about public opinion
Don't consider yourself the wrong person. People around you also seek approval from loved ones and relatives. It is important for them that their efforts and actions are appreciated. Therefore, when someone starts criticizing, you need to put yourself in their shoes and think about why the person is doing this. Perhaps he sees in us the fulfillment of his long-time dream and is simply jealous.
It is important to understand that there are people around us just like us. They are worried about the same things that concern us. They have similar problems and difficulties. Therefore, you don’t need to stop when you hear someone’s disapproval. You need to not care about other people's opinions and move forward.
Stage 3. Gain courage
It is difficult to muster the courage to take the first step. Adler writes that “people can change and be happy right from this moment” and that “the problem is not a lack of ability, but a lack of courage.”
Freedom appears only after you stop thinking about other people's expectations. Fumitaka Koga and Ichiro Kishimi, authors of the book “The Courage to Dislike. How to love yourself, find your calling and choose happiness,” describe in detail how important it is to refuse to perform other people’s tasks and how to do it.
It is also important to give yourself the right to make mistakes, which always happen during the learning process. This is necessary to pass your school of life.
