Realize that relationships, in any case, cannot be a mission and goal in life.
- Social programming suggests that relationships are the most important component in life. That is, people make building relationships the main component of life. This is a very common thing that can be observed now.
- She is so Hollywood and from films or from some secret childhood dreams. It occurs in both men and women. And if you do not get rid of this illusion, you will still need advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your loved one.
- There is another wrong belief among people . People come to their soulmate as if under the bosom of a tree from work or school with the conviction “but here I will feel good.” And if this happens in your head, then, as a rule, it does not live up to your expectations.
- Sooner or later, illusions will collapse . To some extent, people can create this illusion for each other, then it all just falls apart.
Relationships are definitely important.
In them we can realize ourselves, let another person realize themselves, establish emotional contact with a partner, make our life and his life easier.
But in general they cannot be a mission.
Relationships in any case cannot be a mission in life!
Illusions of girls
On the part of girls, this thing is present in their heads more often. And therefore, they more often need help and various advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with the man they love.
Girls elevate relationships to a higher rank because they have such a biological factor as family and children.
Your problem is that you needed to distract yourself from tightly clinging to relationships and making them a goal in life.
This will only make things worse for you, because sooner or later your illusions will begin to shatter, and you will again think about what to do when your loved one has left you.
Why do men want to make their ex-women regret breaking up with them and miss them?
Causes:
Anger.
For every self-respecting man, breaking up a sexual relationship is a big stress. Despite the fact that the male psyche sways for a long time and realizes what happened, when a breakup occurs, the experiences do not find a way out.The soul is left alone with rethinking the world and feeling a new reality. At the same time, as the feeling of loneliness increases, so does anger.
- Revenge. As a breadwinner and conqueror by nature, a representative of the stronger sex considers it beneath his dignity to be rejected, even if the fault for the separation lies with him.
- Bargain. When a man experiences the loss of physical and spiritual contact with his beloved, he makes clear attempts to set deadlines: within a certain period of time he will be able to return his beloved, if only for reasons of personal self-affirmation. This is an absolutely normal mental reaction - this is how the head tries to get used to the inevitable.
- An attempt to induce feelings of guilt. According to psychological research, the partner who initiated the breakup feels less grief. It is logical that if a woman was the initiator of the breakup of the union, the man wants to get the lost “advantage” - to return the boomerang to his ex in the form of tangible remorse.
- Lack of communication.
When a tandem falls apart, it is difficult to switch gears and change your usual way of life. The male brain is not used to being alone without a significant other nearby. When a representative of the stronger sex is with someone, his brain releases dopamine, a substance responsible for good mood and satisfaction with life. Therefore, behind the categorical challenge “I will make you bored” sometimes lies solely the desire to compensate for lost happiness. - Depressive moods. The more clearly the image of an inevitable loss appears before the imagination, the more the melancholy increases. In such a state, a person is able not only to make his former chosen one suffer, but also to truly take revenge on her for her insults.
We suggest you read: How to stop being nervous about a man?
Don't let yourself fall into an emotional hole after a breakup
- It is very important when such breaks and critical moments occur, it is not to let yourself slide into an emotional hole. Some people become depressed. You can learn about ways to get rid of depression in another publication. They can last not one day, but even a week or two. This can really undermine you.
- Emotionally, the problem may be completely trivial. But, for example, a man can fall so emotionally into this gap that he has a desire to go to the mountains, become a monk and do nothing else in this life, or go headlong into business, forgetting about women altogether.
- Although in reality not everything is so serious . Anything can happen. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t make mountains out of molehills, and know everything about how to survive a breakup with a girl after a long relationship or many years of marriage.
What men are silent about
Guys also tend to care about their loved ones, but its manifestations are not always noticeable. Even if during a quarrel or scandal a young man does not react in any way to the girl’s upset, this does not mean that he is not worried. The man is trying to find words that will calm his beloved and prove to her that there is no reason to be upset.
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How to get your girlfriend back and improve your relationship
If a girl tells her partner that she wants to break off the relationship with him, then he falls into a severe state of shock. Often a man denies this possibility and does not know how to forget about his beloved. He is not ready to believe that the relationship is over, and when he realizes that the girl is not around, he experiences severe pain from loss.
In searching for the reason that made the woman leave, many young people blame themselves. The hardest time is for those who did not notice problems in communication and were not prepared for what happened. When a person understands that a crisis is brewing in a relationship, it is easier for him to prepare for a possible outcome
How does a man feel when breaking up?
The fact that a woman decided to break off the relationship indicates the guy’s inability to provide her with living conditions and make her happy. He feels guilty for every woman's display of dissatisfaction.
Even if the real reason lies in the partner, the young man on a subconscious level will feel responsible for the development of events. When the young lady leaves, the man feels rejected. Even though there are two people to blame for the breakdown of a relationship in any situation, the guy will be haunted by the thought that he turned out to be unworthy of the lady.
The hardest thing to find a way to get over a breakup after a long relationship is for those guys whose significant other not only decided to stop dating, but has already found a replacement for them. This behavior indicates that, given a possible choice, she preferred someone else. This becomes a severe blow to a man’s pride.
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How to tell a girl about breaking up: advice for guys
What Your Brain Can Do to You: The Broken Record Analogy
- All your memories of past love , when everything was good, bloomed and smelled - it’s just an appearance. If that balance were preserved, then this would really be so. And this is an illusory appearance. This is already like a broken record, which is also broken.
- How is your brain playing tricks on you? When you had a breakup and there were a lot of mistakes that you don’t even really want to remember, your brain throws this broken record at you.
- In your head you yourself put on this broken record , where the smooth melody no longer plays, but an incomprehensible grinding sound, a pitiful semblance of a melody and only unpleasant sounds.
- This record no longer needs to be repaired ! You just need to find what you really need!
- There's no need to even try to go back . It's not worth it. Approach the situation soberly, and you will know everything about how to start living after breaking up with your loved one.
Allow yourself to leave forever: there is nothing left to decide, no need to cling
Let yourself go forever.
Understand that there is nothing and no one to resolve.
Some of you messed up and it is important to understand that this is normal.
No matter how painful it may be, give yourself the opportunity to leave forever.
Just like your partner gives himself this opportunity.
Every girl and every guy gives himself this opportunity.
Understanding this will close your worries about thoughts about how to survive the breakup of relationships with loved ones.
Make a choice to be cool and not needy, remove expectations.
- A non-needy person is one who does not cling to other people, is inclined to give more than to receive, and never expects anything from this life! Strive to be one.
- A person who is not in need does not think about what you will have in the future (even if there is a 99% guarantee, you do not tell others). You can say: “Yes, I have such plans...”. You're going to do it, but you're not living it.
- You take what you have at the moment , but you never expect anything to happen in the future - good or bad. It's useless.
- Those things that you can cling to in life can be so ephemeral and destructible .
- Your reality should not be based on something external!
A person who is not in need does not need both things and people equally! The paradigm is that they are with them, but there is no fear of loss at all!
A person who is not needy never asks questions about how to continue living after a breakup.
A strong person is only glad that weak people themselves leave his life.
It’s harder for a woman to live like this, but it’s possible. No need to cling to people.
Detailed principles of self-confidence for girls are also collected in another section on the site.
Women have a natural need for a man who will protect her, take care of her, they cling to men. This is their problem!
On our website you can also read another article on the topic of how to get rid of attachment and love addiction.
Advice from a psychologist on how to comfort a loved one
Psychologists recommend one effective method that will help relieve pain. Advise your friend to arm herself with a piece of paper and a pen, and then put everything that worries her on paper.
Let the girl divide the sheet into 3 parts. In one column you need to write the disadvantages that the separation entailed, in the other you should indicate all the good things that this situation led to, and in the third you need to outline what needs to be done in the future so that the disadvantages turn into advantages. For example, if after your boyfriend left you have a lot of free time that you have nothing to occupy, you need to come up with an exciting hobby that can fill these hours. Maybe your friend has long wanted to learn another language, learn to embroider, watch an interesting movie or play sports. Let your friend choose an activity she likes and begin to spend time profitably.
On paper, a friend can write down what good and bad things happened to her while she and the young man were together. This will help you understand which emotions outweighed - negative or positive
Remind your friend that her ex still lives in the same city as her. If now a girl takes care of herself and does not fall into depression, she has every chance of looking stunning if she accidentally meets a young man. Then the man will definitely regret leaving such a confident and attractive woman.
How to part with a man beautifully
In the next six months or a year, completely change your perception of the relationship.
- After your breakup, don’t immediately cling to a new person and don’t try to make him yours for a very long time.
- This should not be confused with not communicating or getting to know anyone at all. No, you are still communicating and getting close to new people, enjoying the attraction between you.
- But there should not be this desire to make a person your property for some long time.
- You must remove the time frame into which you will begin to unknowingly drive a person.
- Live like this for at least the next six months after the breakup. Then, after six months, based on your inner feelings, you can again return to a long-term relationship with one girl (man).
A subtle point that needs to be implemented
Replace the desire to make a person your property with the desire to make him happy.
The best thing you can do for your partner is to let him live his life to the fullest, and you will be there with him whenever he and you want.
You still truly love your partner, but you don't try to keep him in any way.
You must live your own life and give your partner complete freedom of choice.
Implement this perception and no longer worry about how to get over a breakup with your lover or your secret crush.
You can also read about the psychology of relationships between a guy and a girl in a new publication.
The difference between healthy and unhealthy neediness
- There should be no boundaries or understanding that a person is yours. And then you can always go further in terms of developing your spirituality, your level of happiness and harmony.
- Yes, you may have a certain percentage of neediness in a new relationship, but this healthy neediness is when you just want to see the person (no matter how you spend your time). You just want to be together.
Don't give in to depression
It often happens that after a breakup, men become more withdrawn and completely exclude communication with the outside world. It is very important to understand that in such critical situations you should not allow yourself to slide into such an “emotional well.”
If depression develops against the background of separation, in this case it is necessary to get rid of it as quickly as possible, otherwise the condition risks becoming chronic. Prolonged stress greatly suppresses a person emotionally and negatively affects his health. Very often a man wants to run away from his problems in the truest sense of the word.
Some go to the mountains, others become monks or buy houses in the wilderness. Psychologists recommend not to do this under any circumstances. A person can be alone with himself or nature for some time, but he must return to society as quickly as possible and begin to communicate again with the outside world and the opposite sex.
Don't stress yourself out even more. The past cannot be changed, it's time to think about the future. Therefore, it is important to learn to look for harmony within yourself. It is important to solve all the problems that arose in the past. It is recommended to get rid of certain deficiencies that could cause the rupture. If this is difficult to do, then you should contact a specialist.
We suggest you read: How to behave with a girl depending on the situation: a selection of ideas
