Why learn to be silent?
Why people are silent
Speech is an integral and very important part of our lives. It is thanks to it that we can ask for what we need, share information or our feelings, but it is often abused, used to simply “fill the void.”
In the modern world, when every minute counts, they don’t like talkers and gossips. After all, you are taking up not only your interlocutor’s time, but also your own. This is one of the reasons why it is so necessary to quit a bad habit - idle chatter.
Another reason is a stressful situation. One has only to utter a few random, unpleasant phrases, and your life changes radically. You need to be able to restrain yourself in such situations, forcefully suppressing the impulse to speak out. The art of silence is valued in any group, but one should not overdo it. Constant silence may be considered indifference and dissatisfaction.
How to learn to be silent?
So, how to learn to be silent? Everyone has different methods, depending on the reason why you need it so much.
- Meditation. Calms nerves and helps to relax after a long day of work. It is with the help of meditation that you can come into harmony with yourself, comprehend your life and your inner world.
- Go to a psychologist. This is the same understanding of your personality, only in the chair of a specialist. If you have an internal problem, then a competent psychologist can help you overcome it. Some may think it's a waste of money and a reluctance to do something yourself, but in fact, outside intervention will make it easier to deal with the constant chatter.
- How to learn to be silent, if not with the help of mountains?! Just imagine, you are alone, there are snowy peaks around, and a mountain river runs at your feet. When you need to learn to be silent, you need to learn to endure loneliness, and most importantly, learn to listen. In nature, you don’t want to talk, just delve into the voices of birds, the whisper of the wind and the murmur of water. Take yourself a little vacation outside the city, completely alone. This can be considered a kind of meditation.
- Vow of silence. In fact, this is a rather interesting idea, but not always feasible in practice. To do this, you need several days of free time from work or study. Since you still won’t be able to learn to be silent like the Tibetan monks, it’s worth not making a single sound for your own sake for a couple of days.
- Find yourself an interesting hobby. If you are used to spending your evenings chatting at absolutely pointless chatter or you are tempted to “tell everything” to your significant other, occupy yourself with something else. Learn to knit, play sports, read a book.
In general, do whatever interests you. In the end, any activity can distract you from wasting your nerves and time.
The habit of saying a lot of unnecessary things: how I learned to keep my mouth shut
I remember that as a child, the ability to speak at length on any topic was my distinguishing feature. Thus, I stood out both in my silent family and in the company of my peers. The skill of giving detailed answers to questions seemed very useful to me in my studies, and then in my work. Starting to talk about one thing, I imperceptibly jumped to another topic and gave the discouraged listeners a sea of various information. This helped to get through difficult tests and exams, as well as distract the authorities from some shortcomings and mistakes.
However, as I grew older, I realized that this supposed advantage in the context of most situations is a huge disadvantage. First, the information I disseminated was often used against me. Especially a lot of problems arose when I talked not about myself, but about others - and I had trouble keeping secrets. And even if it didn’t involve big secrets, any information about others could still be twisted later, turn into gossip, and I would be the culprit of this whole unpleasant situation. Secondly, my habit of saying a lot of unnecessary things really interfered with my communication with friends and my personal life. I constantly wanted to share something, tell some wonder, express my opinion on any issue under discussion. However, over time, I realized that those around me were not very interested in listening to my monologues - and therefore there were very few people who really wanted to spend time in my company.
Having realized all the disadvantages of irrepressible talkativeness, I tried to get rid of this bad habit. But all attempts were in vain - as before, I was not trusted with secrets, and lack of restraint in communication constantly prevented me from building strong relationships with people.
And then I became a housewife, and I had to spend a lot of time alone. No more than two to three hours of communication per day - at lunchtime and in the evening. And the whole day - household chores, TV, computer, book. I no longer wanted to share my impressions and thoughts with others, even with random fellow travelers and neighbors - I was used to keeping a diary, which silently forgave me any frankness and harshness in my statements.
After some time, circumstances developed in such a way that there was more communication. But I realized that my way of talking to people has changed a lot. In conversations, I no longer had to try to control myself, think about the consequences of each phrase, or limit the expression of my opinion. Arguments no longer started on their own; my long monologues became a very rare occurrence. I somehow caught myself thinking: being silent is so great! After all, you can learn a lot of new things about people. It turns out that, being carried away by reading books and watching films, I somehow quietly learned to listen. I was surprised to discover that each of the people around me (not just me!) had something to say. More precisely, everyone has a topic on which he is able to talk for hours, with a sparkle in his eyes and stormy emotional intonations. But how interesting it is to try to find this treasured topic from the most silent interlocutor! Having loved answering other people’s questions since childhood, I finally started asking them. As it turned out, my new qualities turned out to be much more attractive to others than my former talkativeness. People liked that I was interested in them, many began to strive to spend time in my company, calling me a wonderful and attentive interlocutor - and this despite the fact that I was silent almost all the time! But the most interesting thing is that my habit of saying a lot of unnecessary things left me without a trace .
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How to learn to remain silent in stressful situations?
How to learn to be silent
At a meeting, at work or on public transport, you don’t have time to immediately start meditating or go wild. Here you need special ways not to break down and not say too much. Here are some ways to learn to remain silent in stressful situations:
- During a conversation, you should have the exact topic of conversation in your head. In order not to waste extra time, if it is running out, try to speak clearly and clearly, without blurring one sentence for a minute. This way you won't say too much.
- Count to ten. This is the most ancient and proven way by millions of people to learn to remain silent. While your interlocutor is speaking, just remain silent, do not interrupt him, and slowly begin to count to ten to yourself. By “five” you will be able to soberly assess the situation and restrain your emotions.
- Another good way to be silent is to take a few deep breaths. It won't take much time and won't create a big pause. Just take a deep breath and exhale. Your soul will immediately feel better.
- Consider yourself smarter than your interlocutor. This may seem too selfish and wrong, but it works. Understand for yourself that it is you who can interrupt this stupid argument or empty conversation, which will be prudent. Of course, it is often better not to use this method, otherwise they are unlikely to want to talk to you again.
In our article we looked at several good ways to learn to remain silent.
All of them have been tested more than once, but whether they will work in your case depends only on you and your willpower. But I would like to emphasize that all these methods are aimed at restraining your anger or not wasting time on empty talk. You don’t always need to be silent and keep everything to yourself, sometimes you need to speak out, but this needs to be done extremely delicately so that problems do not follow later. The Secret of Silence
How to say no correctly: 5 simple rules
The ability to refuse correctly, in general, comes down to politely listening to the request, weighing everything, and saying no. However, in practice this is much more difficult to do than it seems, for the reasons that we have already discussed above. Therefore, let's learn a few simple rules that will help you not only learn how to refuse, but also do it in such a way as not to experience emotional discomfort. Start following them the next time you feel the need to refuse. So:
1. Take time to think
This way you don't say no right away, but you set the person up for the possibility that he might get rejected. During this time, he can select alternative options
It is especially important to take a break if the request takes you by surprise and you need to weigh the pros and cons in a calm environment. For example, knowing that you work in a hospital, a former classmate contacted you so that you could arrange an appointment with a doctor without waiting in line
But you work as an accountant and have nothing to do with doctors, and you don’t want to be obligated to anyone, because debt is worth paying. In this case, it is advisable to answer that you will think about it and respond tomorrow. A feeling of uncertainty will force the person asking to look for backup ways to resolve his issue.
2. Practice the little things.
Learn to say no, starting with small requests. Start training with people you can easily refuse. For example, an acquaintance asks him to give him a ride somewhere, but it’s not very convenient for you right now (or you don’t want to - that’s also a good reason). Start with him - refuse his request. Of course, you should do this without detriment to yourself: if you really want to help, then do it.
It’s not difficult to start saying no to loved ones because with them there is less risk of getting a feeling of guilt for refusing as a “bonus”. But if, nevertheless, the negative emotion could not be avoided, work through the refusal again, allow yourself to get used to defending your personal space and your interests.
3. Be persistent
You have learned to refuse, but the person does not hear you and gives his arguments why your no should turn into agreement. You tell him about your emotions, and in return he tells you how he feels and why he needs help. He can’t cope without you, you are his savior. Do not succumb to provocation, although it may not be such, and the person was simply surprised by your refusal, because until you learned to say “no” it was easy for him to be with you. If necessary, repeat several times and justify your refusal.
4. Offer alternatives
The feeling of guilt that arises after saying “no” is due to the fact that you are haunted by a feeling of betrayal. And in the role of a traitor - you. Learn to think correctly! You did not leave the person in a difficult situation if you offered him alternative options. A friend asks you to babysit your child? Give her the contact information of a trusted nanny. Does your neighbor want you to lend him money until tomorrow? Share the pawnshop's phone number with him. This is an excellent technique to “smooth out” the possible negativity from your first refusals.
5. Don't make excuses!
Spare yourself and the person asking from detailed explanations and stories about why you are telling him “no.” He is interested in the result, not your excuses. A skilled manipulator will be able to find pain points and press on them in the hope that your “no” will become less firm, and then completely turn into a “yes.” If you refuse, do not forget about education and correct wording. When they ask you to borrow money, do not say bluntly, “I won’t give it because I don’t believe that you will pay it back to me.” Or if you are invited to a concert, saying “I won’t go because I’m not interested in communicating with you” is rudeness. Be polite, but most importantly, learn to save your own body’s resources and do not waste energy on those who are used to getting their way by force or through moral pressure.
Here's a little summary of this important piece of information we just covered:
