Arguments
" The Captain's Daughter", A.S.
Pushkin . Only the person who defends his principles and defends the right to independence of judgment can be himself. Such a hero is Pyotr Grinev from “The Captain’s Daughter” by A.S. Pushkin. Circumstances forced the young man to choose between honor and life. Pugachev, the leader of the rebels, offered him to go over to his side or die. Peter was still a very young officer, he was afraid of death, but he had already taken the oath, which means he was obliged to adhere to his official duty. Therefore, he preferred execution to betrayal. If he had chosen otherwise, he would have lost himself, because betrayal of the duty of an officer and a nobleman deprived him of both statuses. In this case, he was deprived of his family, origin, calling and self-respect. In front of us would no longer be Pyotr Grinev, but a pathetic coward without family and name - not the one we knew him to be. But by choosing death, the hero protected his individuality and remained himself, no matter what.
“Thunderstorm”, A.N. Ostrovsky
. A person remains himself if, even in an unfavorable situation for himself, he sticks to his line and does not submit to the need to lie. Such a heroine is Katerina from Ostrovsky’s play “The Thunderstorm”. Living in the house of an oppressive mother-in-law and putting up with her quarrelsome and cruel character, Katerina is still not a hypocrite and says what she thinks to her face, without fear of condemnation. “You are in vain saying this about me, Mama. Whether in front of people or without people, I’m still alone, I don’t prove anything of myself,” the heroine admits, and we believe her. She is the only member of the Kabanov family who is openly indignant, receiving undeserved reproaches. Therefore, she often has conflicts with Marfa Ignatievna, who is accustomed to flattery, servility and lies. Katerina’s truth made her angry, and Kabanikha perceived any remark as a challenge. But such was the character of her daughter-in-law. She remained true to herself, even when she cheated on her husband. Katerina found the strength to repent publicly and once again expressed her true self. Her behavior clearly shows what it means to be yourself.
“Fathers and Sons”, I.S. Turgenev.
A person who remains himself always expresses his true position, without fear of causing people's displeasure. Such a hero can be called Yevgeny Bazarov from Turgenev’s novel “Fathers and Sons.” While visiting the nobles, he, an ordinary son of a doctor, was not embarrassed and did not try to show off. Even with pride, Evgeniy said that his grandfather plowed the land, and that he was not at all from a noble family. He spoke firmly and without embellishment about his controversial worldview, without fear of criticism and controversy. Bazarov did not recognize authorities and had his own opinion about everything: “Why would I recognize them? And what will I believe? They will tell me the case, I agree, that’s all,” he said. He had his own answer to every eternal or topical question, and he stated it directly. For example, Evgeny could condemn and ridicule the landowners in a conversation with the Kirsanovs and defended his position, giving arguments. In every conversation, he did not try to seem like someone else; honesty and individuality were evident in every word. This is what it means to be yourself.
"Eugene Onegin", A.S. Pushkin.
Someone who remains himself, no matter what, is often forced to make sacrifices while remaining true to himself. This is exactly what happened in the fate of Tatyana, the heroine of the novel in verse “Eugene Onegin”. The girl’s first and only love was unhappy: the chosen one was not ready for family life and returned her a letter of recognition so as not to bind her in any way. Having lost him forever, Tatyana grieved for a long time, but was still forced to get married at the insistence of her relatives. In marriage she gained respect and support, wealth and authority, but not love. And yet the heroine was an honest and principled person, giving her word once and for all. Therefore, when her lover repented and confessed his feelings, Tatyana refused him: “But I was given to another and I will be faithful to him forever.” In this case, the heroine remained true to herself and her moral beliefs. She remained the devoted and serious woman we all knew her to be, but the cost of this choice is very high.
“Clean Monday”, I.A. Bunin
. In order to keep himself intact and whole, a person has to come into conflict with other people who have their own plans for his future. This happened in the story “Clean Monday”. The main character was dating a rich, handsome and young gentleman who really wanted to get close to her and create a full-fledged family. He was madly in love with his chosen one and showered her with invitations, gifts, and attentions. One day she gave him long-awaited intimacy, but after that she disappeared from his life forever. It turned out that the heroine had long dreamed of tonsure and a spiritual calling. She saw her future within the convent and in serving God. If she gave in to the fervent requests of her companion and became his wife, she would irrevocably lose herself. Preserving her individuality forced her to leave her chosen one. Having made this sacrifice, she remained herself.
“Scarlet Sails”, A. Green.
A person who remains himself in any situation must resist the influence of society and its prejudices. In order to preserve her individuality, Assol, the heroine of the work “Scarlet Sails,” was forced to endure loneliness and a hail of ridicule. By believing in the wizard's prediction about a ship with scarlet sails and a handsome prince, the girl got herself into trouble. The inhabitants of Kaperna were narrow-minded and quarrelsome people. Assol's fantasies convinced many of them that she was simply not entirely healthy. They called her a fool, almost no one talked to her. If the heroine were to give in and become like everyone else to end the isolation and bullying, she would lose her identity. But Assol tolerated this attitude and remained faithful to her dream. Fate rewarded her with the fulfillment of her dreams, because the girl believed in her lucky star until the very end and did not change to please the majority. This is what it means to be yourself.
“Yushka”, A. Platonov
. Many people strive to make sure that all the people around them are the same and live according to the same model. To preserve themselves, a few individuals have to constantly face misunderstanding and even aggression. This was the case in the story “Yushka”. The hero was by nature a kind, sympathetic and selfless person who loved people and did not want to offend anyone. But all the other residents of his town were irritated by Yushka’s incomprehensible way of life and thoughts. He didn’t drink tea with sugar, wore the same clothes, and no one knew where the accumulated money went. His summer absences in an unknown direction added to the mystery of his image. In addition, Yushka behaved completely unnaturally: he never returned evil for evil, did not drive away children who threw stones and ridicule at him. He did not conflict with anyone, although many people humiliated him. Yushka's irresponsibility and generosity were perceived as weakness. To keep himself intact, to be honest with himself and the world, the hero had to endure bullying. Therefore, “being yourself” means having the tenacity to remain as you are.
“The Cherry Orchard”, A.P. Chekhov
. The one who remains himself does not even obey time. Despite the changes around them, such people adhere to once and for all chosen standards of behavior and thinking. Such heroes are Ranevskaya and Gaev. They are nobles accustomed to luxury, idleness and inexhaustible wealth. Even being on the verge of ruin, Lyubov Andreevna generously gives alms in gold and throws festive dinners. Lopakhin, a merchant and friend of the family, persuades the owners of the garden, mortgaged and put up for sale for debts, to divide it into plots for summer residents and get out of a difficult financial situation. But the landowners remain true to themselves: they cannot allow the garden and the house where the ghosts of their happy past lived to become part of Lopakhin’s vulgar and philistine project. For them there are things that are more valuable than money. Their behavior can be condemned or justified, but the fact remains undeniable that Ranevskaya and Gaev remained themselves, even despite the changed circumstances of their lives.
“Scarecrow”, V.K. Zheleznikov
. The main character of the story “Scarecrow” was able to remain herself, even despite the bullying and boycott of her classmates. Lena was a kind and brave girl, capable of devotion and heroism in her name. She witnessed snitching on the part of everyone’s favorite, Dimka. Seeing his confusion, Lena took the blame upon herself, because she sympathized with the boy. He, of course, promised her to confess everything, but he chickened out and waited until the last minute. Meanwhile, Lena's classmates turned Lena's life into a nightmare by pursuing her. During these terrible days of universal hatred and contempt, Lena did not retreat from her decision and defended Dima with herself. Because of the ridicule and insults, she did not become angry with the children and did not take revenge on them. When everything became clear, the girl resolutely spoke out against Dima’s boycott. She was able to forgive him and teach the children an important lesson in generosity and nobility. Despite the trials and pressure of her environment, Lena remained herself - a sympathetic, strong and kind girl who puts moral principles above all else.
“The Man on the Clock”, N.S. Leskov.
Being yourself means remaining true to your principles even in an emergency. A striking example is the story of Nikolai Semenovich Leskov “The Man on the Clock.” The main character is a soldier of the Izmailovsky regiment Postnikov. Events unfold during his night duty at the sentry post. The young man is faced with a difficult moral choice: he hears cries for help from somewhere in the darkness, but military regulations do not allow him to rush to help. Or rather, he forbids leaving his post. What to do? After all, conscience says the opposite - you need to run, you need to save, the person is in trouble. It is precisely such situations—moral choice—that help us understand what it means to be ourselves. When a person in such a difficult situation decides to listen to himself, his principles, his conscience, his heart, he is able to be himself. Postnikov in the story by N.S. Leskov succeeded. The hero came to the aid of a drowning man. And then he adequately endured the punishment for leaving his post as a sentry - that is, he took full responsibility for his action. It is also a sign of a mature personality – one that is true to itself. Thus, to be yourself means to be able to make decisions independently, even in difficult situations, to be able to cope with the consequences of your decisions and actions, not to regret what you have done, to listen to yourself, to analyze situations independently.
“War and Peace”, L.N. Tolstoy.
When asked to remember a hero of Russian classical literature who was not afraid to be himself, Pierre Bezukhov from Leo Tolstoy’s epic novel “War and Peace” certainly comes to mind. He is the illegitimate son of the noble Count Bezukhov. However, the young man does not fit into secular society and its framework at all. At an evening in Anna Pavlovna Scherer's salon, Pierre is bored. He is much more interested in having lively conversations with his friend, Prince Andrei Bolkonsky. Bezukhov does not know even half the rules and unspoken norms of secular society - but he does not strive to learn them, much less observe them. At the same time, the hero is not rude, does not be rude, does not insult, he is really sweet, kind and polite. He is selfless and noble, even smart. The fact that Pierre Bezukhov does not try to be someone else, does not adapt to the people around him, remains to his own opinion - this means that he is himself. After all, to be yourself means to defend your own views on things, to think independently, not to be afraid or embarrassed to behave the way you want, to say what you think - of course, within the framework of decency, morality and ethics. Pierre allows himself not to observe some of the formalities of “high society”, to be more sincere, real, to express his feelings and thoughts. The hero is not afraid of condemnation or the reputation of a stupid or funny young man. This is what we call “being yourself.”
“Woe from Wit” A.S. Griboyedov.
In the play “Woe from Wit” by Alexander Sergeevich Griboyedov, the reader finds an example of a person who knows from personal experience what it means to be himself. Alexander Andreevich Chatsky became such a hero. Finding himself in Famus society, he sees the vices of the people around him. Moreover, Chatsky is not afraid and does not hesitate to talk about it out loud, to express his opinion, which differs from the generally accepted one. For example, Pavel Afanasyevich Famusov and his friends believe that flattery and servility are good and effective tools for achieving goals, for moving up the career ladder, and for obtaining higher positions. Alexander Andreevich owns the famous phrase: “I would be glad to serve, but it’s sickening to be served.” The main character does not adapt to the “norms” of secular society, does not become like these immoral people. He fearlessly risks going against society and its opinion. He absolutely does not care “what Princess Marya Aleksevna will say,” because he does not want to use flattery and lies to make his way into life. He is honest with himself and his surroundings. Even when Famusov’s guests mistake Chatsky for a madman, Alexander Andreevich does not deviate from his principles, his opinion. This is what it means to be yourself.
“Ionych” A.P. Chekhov.
In Anton Pavlovich Chekhov's story "Ionych" the reader finds an example of a man who at the beginning of his journey was himself, but over time, money and the philistine environment, frozen in its conservatism and ignorance, spoiled him, he changed his views and abandoned his former principles. The main character is doctor Dmitry Ionych Startsev. He worked as a zemstvo doctor and performed his tasks perfectly, and most importantly, with pleasure and sincerely. He really wanted to help people, to heal them. Then the hero began to have more and more patients in the city, and he began to earn more. And he gradually abandoned the zemstvo practice, became more greedy, indifferent to his own once beloved business. Now medicine was only a source of income for him, and patients were money bags. So, Ionych ceased to be himself - he betrayed his previous views, lost his way, lost his moral guideline. He turned from a sincere and kind person into an indifferent and profit-hungry person. To be yourself means to be sincere, no matter what, listen to your heart (and not the sound of gold coins), not depend on other people’s opinions, make your own decisions, stick to your principles.
“Old Woman Izergil” M. Gorky
. Let us recall Maxim Gorky’s story “Old Woman Izergil”. The heroine-storyteller shares the legend of Danko. He knew how to be himself - even when people did not believe him, insulted him, offended him. Despite these difficulties, despite rejection from society, Danko defended his opinion, his view on solving the problem. The hero knew that he was right, that there was a way out - and it was where Danko was leading people. So the young man fearlessly led the people and eventually led them to salvation. The final chord in his journey was sacrifice: he tore his heart out of his chest and lit the path to freedom with it. Thus, to be yourself means to believe and trust yourself more than anyone else, not to succumb to social pressure, other people's or generally accepted opinion. Such a person does not doubt himself, even when everyone around him doubts. This was Danko in the work of M. Gorky.
“Olesya” A.I. Kuprin
. Speaking about what it means to be yourself, you should definitely turn to the story “Olesya” by Alexander Ivanovich Kuprin. The main character (after whom the entire work is named) is a brave girl who is not afraid to be herself. She used to live in the village with her grandmother. But their extraordinary abilities to predict the future and heal people were mistaken by people for witchcraft and evil. The people practically drove them out. But he didn’t break me, didn’t force him to change his worldview and way of life. Olesya and her grandmother remained true to their views and their faith, so they went to live in the forest, closer to nature. Olesya was still developing her anomalous abilities and resisted generally accepted peasant dogmas. She condemned hunting and destruction of nature, and did not accept cruel superstitions and traditions. She was ready to live with her loved one without marriage, just so as not to burden him. To be yourself means not to adapt to someone else's standards and norms, not to change under the pressure of those who do not understand you and do not support you.
“Garnet Bracelet” by A.I. Kuprin
. To be yourself means not to be ashamed of your feelings, to be sincere, to show your emotions (of course, without violating personal boundaries and the freedom of other people), despite the opinion of society. An example of such a person is the hero of Alexander Ivanovich Kuprin’s story “The Garnet Bracelet.” Georgy Zheltkov truly loves Vera Sheina. But he is a telegraph operator, and she is a princess. Different social status, prejudices of society, unrequited feelings - all this does not frighten the hero. He still confesses his love to Vera, writes her touching letters and even sends her a family jewel as a gift. He doesn’t put pressure on her, doesn’t demand anything from her. Georgy only boldly expresses his emotions, he is real - he knows how to be himself. After all, to be yourself means to accept yourself with all your feelings and experiences, despite the pressure of society, other people’s opinions and condemnation. Don’t be ashamed of yourself and your emotions, be sincere.
"Oblomov" I.A. Goncharov
. Being yourself does not mean being a worthy, noble, good and absolutely positive hero. This is proven by Ilya Ilyich Oblomov in the novel “Oblomov” by Ivan Aleksandrovich Goncharov. The main character does not like to go out and does not like an active lifestyle. He loves his dressing gown and spends all his time on the couch. He reads little, doesn’t learn anything, doesn’t move anywhere. He is calm, indifferent to almost many things and remains in drowsy idleness. However, he makes an attempt to change - for the sake of his beloved Olga. Over time, Oblomov understands that by changing, making constant efforts on himself, he ceases to be himself, ceases to be sincere and deceives both himself and his beloved woman. Then he gives up trying to break himself and breaks off the engagement. Later he meets Agafya Pshenitsyna, who accepts Ilya Ilyich for who he is - with all his shortcomings and advantages. Thus, to be yourself means not to adapt to society, to standard norms, not to pretend to be a person that you are not, not to change your worldview under someone else’s pressure, to be real, even if not everyone understands and accepts you.
“Confession of a Hooligan”, S.A. Yesenin.
Examples of people who were able to remain themselves can be found not only in prose, but also in lyrics. For example, in the poem by Sergei Aleksandrovich Yesenin “Confession of a Hooligan.” This is an autobiographical and personal work: “This is the greatest confession that a bully confesses.” The poet sees himself in the lyrical hero and on his behalf expresses his own feelings and shares his own views on the world. Despite the popularity that S.A. Yesenin received literary success and recognition both in Moscow and St. Petersburg; the writer managed to remain himself. Sergei Alexandrovich was born into a peasant family in the small Ryazan village of Konstantinovo. He loved his family and his homeland with all his soul. The poet did not forget about all this - and reflected his feelings in “Confession of a Hooligan.” “I'm still the same. “I am still the same in my heart,” he writes. S.A. Yesenin was not afraid of condemnation and was not ashamed of his humble and poor origin. It turns out that being yourself means not being afraid of public opinion, condemnation, not being ashamed of your gender, but accepting and respecting all this. Such a person does not succumb to the glare of fame, recognition and wealth, and does not betray his principles and views.
"Be yourself" - when it doesn't work
Yes, despite the prevalence of such simple advice, it often does not work, and moreover, it can even be harmful. You don’t have to look far for examples: each of us has had or has some unsuccessful behavior patterns. These are the ones because of whom the girls they like are denied acquaintance over and over again. These are the ones that prevent you from getting a good job or joining an interesting group of people. In a word, we are talking about habitual, stereotyped actions, but absolutely not leading to success.
Let’s say Vasya has a habit of meeting people on the Internet with the phrase “Hello! How are you?”, but 2/3 of the girls do not answer him, and another 1/3 falls silent after a couple of sentences. Do you think it’s good if Vasya decides to always be himself and continue in the same spirit? Maybe it’s good, but only for other men - they will have less competition for beautiful girls.
So I don't think the advice "Be yourself" is good in all cases. It requires one important addition: first understand what you want and follow your desires - look for how you can achieve them. There is no need to identify yourself with your behavior, because it changes more than once during your life. You are developing, and tomorrow you can become completely different, behave differently. Moreover, having noticed that some behavioral model is not working, you should try to change it, and not just “be yourself” and continue. Don’t be afraid to change - by changing your behavior, a person becomes better and can overcome even the most protracted period of failure.
Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first, but remember the main thing:
- If the old behavior model does not work, you need to change it;
- Change is always accompanied by discomfort, and this is normal;
- The discomfort will go away if you try again and again.
To make all this clearer, I suggest watching a video where I talk about personal experience and how being yourself in the literal sense is not always the best choice for a man.
So, again, it is normal to feel nervous and scared when you try new behaviors or try something new. And in this situation, behaving naturally means accepting this excitement, not hiding it behind feigned bravado.
Of course, you shouldn’t plunge headlong into fears either, but denying their very existence is stupid. In any case, those around you will notice that you are worried, and the easiest way is to say it yourself without hesitation. There are two advantages here: firstly, by speaking out your fears, you become aware of them, understand them, and thereby reduce them. And secondly, “I’m a little worried” can be blamed on some mistakes (if any). A person who honestly admits his anxiety always evokes sympathy - he is forgiven more than someone who brags a lot or behaves provocatively.
Now let's talk about how to become yourself
The answer to this question should be sought within yourself. This can take a very long time. Therefore, first of all, you need to ask yourself why you need this, why it is worth remaining yourself.
You need an end goal that will act as your motivator. It is she who will help you get closer to your dream. But first, let’s define who he is, the lucky one who managed to achieve this.
The main life task of the individual
According to the theory of the founder of the client-centered approach to psychotherapy, C. Rogers, this is the main life task of each individual - self-actualization, that is, the realization of what is already in you, the disclosure and understanding of your traits and characteristics, their acceptance.
This is not a desire for something ideal and unique (although the image of what is desired is certainly present). This is the acceptance of reality in all its manifestations. As it is: without illusions and projections. Often we believe that we must be real supermen who cope with all difficulties, achieve what we want, no matter what. We strive for this image, but it is only an ideal image in our head. And the further it is from reality, the worse we feel.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case and not for everyone. As a rule, for one reason or another, a person may be incongruent. This happens when his internal experiences, ideas, thoughts do not correspond to what he broadcasts to the world and people around him. For example, you might feel resentful and angry because you have to work five days a week for little pay, but you're always happy with your friends and family because you don't want to upset them. You put on a mask to make others feel good, while completely forgetting about yourself. Could anything good come out of this? No, such behavior will not lead you to anything other than a series of disappointments, powerlessness and bad mood.
