Narcissism: a concept in psychology, the main signs of the disorder, how to treat and prevent pathology.

Narcissism is a mental disorder in which a person is fixated on his own attractiveness and interests. This is a psychological problem of narcissism. However, psychology says that sometimes this is just a character trait. One way or another, behind this lies the internal problems of the individual. Let's define the phenomenon, find out in more detail what narcissism is in psychology and psychiatry, what it is like and how it is treated.

What is narcissism

According to one of the legends of Ancient Greece, a beautiful forest fairy fell in love with a young man.
However, the guy not only did not reciprocate the girl’s feelings, but also managed to offend her in every possible way. For such an act, the young man was punished by the Gods, who prepared a difficult test for him. One day a young man leaned over to a pond to drink water.
But at this time he admired himself so much in the reflection of the reservoir that he could not tear himself away from the surface of the water and soon died. A daffodil flower grew in this place, which became a symbol of excessive narcissism. Narcissism
is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance coupled with a strong need for worship and praise from others.

Who is a narcissist?

It is not at all difficult to identify a narcissist among other individuals. He always strives to be in the center of events and capture all the attention of others, and demands special respect for himself. Among narcissists, there are many gossipers and constant critics of other people.

By identifying the shortcomings of others, a person elevates himself, trying to gain praise and respect. Despite the seemingly high level of self-esteem, such a person always seeks confirmation of the value of her personality from others.

There is no spiritual harmony within the narcissist; he often feels underappreciated and misunderstood. A person is constantly forced to worry about what impression he makes, whether he is good enough.

The type of personality in question considers itself to be especially gifted with certain traits - the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most talented. But, paradoxically, this has nothing to do with true self-confidence. A person with adequate high self-esteem does not strive to prove his worth, but perceives it as an axiom.

It is difficult to communicate with narcissists at work and in everyday life; they have few friends. This is due to the fact that a person does not tolerate any criticism of himself. His opinion is indisputable and immutable. Telling a narcissist that he is an ordinary person will cause a storm of negative emotions and make the person really suffer.

Relationship with a narcissist

Relationships with a narcissist are always dependent. The narcissist always chooses victimized people as partners. And since victimized people are very dependent, in a relationship with a narcissist they are... happy and unhappy at the same time.

And again we want to draw attention to perverted narcissists, since their tactics of “luring” into relationships are very sophisticated.

At first, a relationship with a perverted narcissist is like a “honeymoon.” He is attentive, charming, caring, romantic, gentle. Well, just a dream, not a partner.

This period goes well, but ends quickly. For some time, the narcissist somehow manages to hold back negative feelings in order to gain the trust of his partner, but then his patience runs out, and the true face of the narcissist is revealed to the person. Sobering sets in.

In a short period of time, from a gentle and loving person, the narcissist turns into a bitter and aggressive “creature” who attacks his victim partner not only psychologically, but sometimes also physically. The gradual devaluation and bullying of the partner on the part of the narcissist intensifies and he becomes a real “moral murderer” and an energy “vampire”.

It is not difficult to predict how such relationships will develop and how they will end. After all, the victim’s self-esteem is gradually destroyed, and the narcissist asserts himself at this expense. At the same time, victims cannot just pick up and leave, because narcissists diligently keep their partners close, constantly reviving the “honeymoon” that was observed at the very beginning of the relationship. But the calm, as a rule, does not last long.

By the way, the psychologist compared the self-esteem of a perverted narcissist to a bottomless hole into which both the admiration of others and his own achievements go.

Moreover, because of their pathology, narcissists feel helpless and embittered in their souls, and also endlessly experience a strong feeling of envy. The deceptive illusion of their own greatness does not allow them to perceive other people as equals.

Narcissism in psychology

Narcissism in psychology is considered a pathological personality disorder. A person suffering from narcissism has impaired authenticity, that is, there is no “I” of his own, but there is an “I” formed under the influence of external circumstances, imposed from the outside.

A narcissist feels empty and lonely inside himself. This personality is contradictory. On the one hand, she is bursting with unjustifiably high self-esteem, a feeling of superiority over other people. On the other hand, the narcissist is very envious, constantly looking at the successes and shortcomings of others and comparing them with himself.

Such a person will never admit to having feelings of envy; on the contrary, he will shout that it is he who everyone envy because of his unique personality traits.

A feature of narcissism is another paradox: the individual perceives himself either as something great and excellent, or as a complete insignificance. The narcissist does not understand that people, despite all their uniqueness, are similar to each other in basic characteristics. One's own personality is elevated to the level of a cult. There are only two hypostases for self-perception: “I am either God or a worm.”

The desire to be “the very best” provokes an acute sense of shame in a person in situations where she believes that she does not look good enough from the outside. Narcissists are constantly worried about their image, which is why there are a lot of perfectionists among them, i.e. people trying to look and do everything impeccably.

How to recognize a narcissist?

During a conversation with our publication, the psychologist noted that narcissists do not care what other people feel. And even if they offered to do something for you, then all these actions are carried out only for reciprocal admiration and praise addressed to them.

To recognize a narcissist, you just need to pay attention to his behavior. The expert gave us three main signs:

1. Extremely negative reviews about past partners, relationships, as well as verbose accusations against them of all “deadly sins.” 2. A person never admits his guilt and always tries to shift it onto another person or partner. 3. Narcissists always strive to quickly “attach” their partner to themselves on an emotional level.

pexels.com/

Development of narcissism: main reasons

The formation of personality traits begins in childhood and narcissism is no exception. There are two lines of parental behavior that can subsequently lead to narcissistic disorder in a child: lack of attention, love and authoritarianism. The lack of unconditional love from parents, especially the mother, forces the child to look for options to compensate for it. A little person begins to subconsciously exalt himself, considering himself the center of the Universe, and this is how narcissism is formed.

The first signs of rejection of any criticism appear, since the baby is unloved and very vulnerable. He unconsciously seeks to shield himself from attacks against him and does not want to hear unpleasant things.

If parents are authoritarian and try to raise their child in accordance with their ideals, then they are not interested in the child’s personal qualities and needs. Accordingly, a child receives praise and “love” only when he performs actions that are approved by his parents. This strengthens the desire to receive recognition for meeting the expectations of others.

Further more. A little man with signs of narcissism goes to school. What will he try to do there? Try to meet teachers' expectations in order to receive praise and become successful in the school environment. The child shows conformism, trying to fit into the system.

The little narcissist will not run away from lessons; he is diligent and studies well. And this brings its own bonuses - he is set as an example for other students, nominated for participation in school public organizations. The child’s status within the school community is growing.

Conceit inflates simultaneously with the strengthening of authority. The formed patterns of behavior automatically pass into adulthood, intensifying from year to year.

What signs define a narcissist?

Narcissism is a personality state that can be easily identified by its characteristic features.

The main feature of a narcissist is narcissism and inflated self-esteem, vanity and selfishness, and emphasized elitism. Communicating with such a person is not comfortable, life is difficult, making friends is impossible.

There are also positive signs of a narcissist. Such people often achieve significant success in social life; they know how to set goals and realize them. They are able to approach assigned tasks creatively and achieve positive results in solving them. Among famous and media personalities, the percentage of narcissists is very high.

Narcissism in men manifests itself in building a career and material wealth. However, the results achieved do not give a feeling of joy and peace, the narcissist feels empty. By his 40th birthday, a person realizes that he has not achieved the required perfection; he realizes that he needs love and warmth, which he did not receive.

Narcissistic women are overly concerned with their appearance, are afraid to leave the house not in “full dress,” and subject themselves to numerous cosmetic procedures. Mothers of narcissists tend to be authoritarian, demanding that their children conform to their own ideals and expectations.

If two narcissists create a couple or get married, then such a relationship will not be calm. Each partner will pull the blanket on themselves, and nagging and criticism will become constant companions in life.

Below are characteristics of a narcissistic personality by which they can be recognized.

So, a narcissist is a person who

Not interested in other people's feelings.
Denies own anger or anger.
Often indicates to others that he is overly emotional.
Depreciates the achievements and external data of others.
He believes that everyone is jealous of him.
He himself is envious.
Too concerned about how others see him.
Loves demonstrative behavior.
Wants to evoke admiration and worship from others.
Extremely ambitious and focused on competition.
Communicates with people contemptuously and condescendingly.
He perceives any remark addressed to him as a malicious insult.
Likes to make fun of, put down, lower the self-esteem of others.
Compares himself with others.
Confident in his own talent and uniqueness.
Considers most people to be “gray mass.”
Unable to “read” the emotions and mood of others.
If he falls in love, he quickly cools down, since the object of desire is always idealized, but instantly devalued.
Manipulates people, forcing them to act according to their own desires.
Doesn't know how to conduct a dialogue, interrupts, imposes his point of view.
Does not give a chance for personal opinion and action, requires unlimited devotion.
Looks impenetrable and confident.

Perhaps the main sign of narcissism is a person’s floating self-esteem. A person, depending on the situation, considers himself either a genius or a complete loser.

Detective novel: a book that will heal your wounds!

Brutal murder, finding love and healing from trauma - all in one book!
Also a sign of pathological narcissism is: envy and devaluation of others.

L. grew up without her mother, who went to work abroad as soon as the girl was one year old. Guardianship was taken by the grandmother, who, although she tried to look after her granddaughter with warmth, found it difficult for her. It was difficult for the grandmother to endure pauses of silence, to touch the girl, so she replaced such intimate moments with singing lessons, introduced a large number of rules into their communication, and so on. Dad also divorced mom very early and showed no interest in the girl.

Adult L. became a psychologist on a famous TV channel; she was known among her colleagues (famous show business stars) as a sympathetic woman who was always ready to help. There was always an expression of sympathy on her face. However, it was precisely the feeling of warmth in the atmosphere with friends, acquaintances, and colleagues that L. did not create. She noted that she was often bored in communication where the center of the discussion was not her interests. She also did not have good relationships with men - in them she constantly took a masochistic position and heroically endured the suffering of those whom she herself called “narcissists” and “abusers.”

L. became a famous psychologist on television - her work schedule was scheduled minute by minute. What helped her in her career was the inner conviction that she was a unique specialist and that other psychologists were “defective” and “undeveloped narcissists.” But in moments of loneliness, she could catch herself feeling that she was not interested in life and drove away thoughts of suicide...

Who is a narcissist: In some cases, masochism, the desire to heroically save and suffer, is a manifestation of narcissistic disorder.

This is a clear example of the fact that the answer to the question “Who is a narcissist” is not necessarily “Monster”, “Abuser”, “Rapist”, “Selfish without empathy” and so on. We see a sweet woman who had empathy, was ready to help and put herself in the position of another. Surely, working as a psychologist, there were people whom she was able to help. And yet, this woman is a narcissist in the pathological sense of the word.

Her history includes a cold grandmother and an equally cold and rejecting mother. Her father also abandoned her, which is almost a guarantee that her internally grandiose part of herself has not been transformed into a realistic one. And this can be seen in her symptoms:

There is empathy, but it is limited (L. was ready to help, she could share the pain of another, but there was no feeling of warmth from her);
She needs constant positive praise and interest from others (a feeling of boredom if they are not talking about her);
Mahochism and the attitude of heroically enduring the suffering of men and saving them are a manifestation of her grandiosity in a veiled form ;
Her conviction that she is a unique specialist (a manifestation of grandiosity), as well as the opinion that all other colleagues are not good enough - we see her dependent and devalued. L. projects his bad parts “I am a bad child, unworthy of love” in others. In this case, the “bad” colleagues for her are those who are “undeveloped narcissists.” Here is a complete kit for diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder.

Who is a narcissist: All narcissists project their bad parts into others, but they do it in different ways: some “gently”, and some with violence.

In this video you can see how a narcissistic mother abuses her son and disposes of him like a thing.

Malignant narcissism. Natalia, in our example, is an example of a pathological narcissist, but she does not use violence towards others. Let’s just say she devalues others “quietly.” But, there is a category of narcissists for whom it is not enough to simply devalue, they need to destroy the other! Only by destroying another person into whom they have projected their badness do malignant narcissists feel lighter. Only this category of narcissists (but there are not so many of them!) are often the rapists and abusers who are constantly described on social networks.

Who is a narcissist - Summary: Many people have had narcissistic injuries (such as devaluation, control or coldness from the mother or disappointment in the father or the combination of “warm grandmother-cold mother”), but this does not mean that such people can be classified as narcissists . Also, bright personalities who love attention are not necessarily carriers of narcissistic pathology. The most important signs that will help identify narcissistic personality disorder are: chronic unstable self-esteem, which ranges from “I am the coolest” to “I am a complete loser”, a feeling of being special, a constant tendency to idealize and devalue oneself and others, envy and frequent feeling of boredom.

ONLINE COURSE “LOVE AND HATE: PSYCHOANALYSIS OF RELATIONSHIPS”:

Watch the webinar recording “Who is a Narcissist?” : How do we build our relationships, what kind of partner do we choose, can we love, are we good at sex?

Psychotherapeutic help for narcissists

There are no unique techniques to defeat narcissism today. Moreover, at the first stage, a person must be able to convince him that he is a narcissist, which means that his personality is not healthy. The best way to do this is through examples of other people or by offering testing.

The problem with narcissism is the lack of a person’s own “I”. From early childhood, a person is formed under the influence of other people’s ideas and values, so he no longer knows what he really is like. There has been a substitution of personality and it can be very difficult to get to the bottom of your own soul.

By adulthood, a person realizes that something is wrong with him. All his life he fights, strives, runs, goes over his head, but there is no satisfaction with life. In addition, by the age of 40-50, the narcissist is usually left alone without family or friends.

You can try to practice meditation or yoga on your own, that is, those techniques that can pull personal desires and experiences out of the subconscious. However, without spiritual teachers, achieving results is not always possible.

This is when the narcissist turns to a therapist. The doctor is a stranger, which means he can communicate with the narcissist in a detached and non-evaluative manner. The specialist perceives a person regardless of his good or bad deeds. This experience is new for the narcissist, since from early childhood he was valued and loved only for “necessary” actions.

The narcissist enters into a simple human relationship with the psychotherapist, which he has never had. He learns to be himself, not afraid to seem funny, ridiculous or ordinary. Being ordinary is the worst thing for a person susceptible to narcissism.

The specialist will teach the narcissist the most important thing - to love himself. After all, narcissism comes precisely from a lack of true love, acceptance of oneself with vices and errors. A person needs to be taught to live happily regardless of how others see him, to recognize his real desires and needs.

The most common method for defeating a personality disorder is Gestalt therapy, during which all childhood traumas and fears are brought to the surface and then closed.

Cognitive therapy methods are also applicable to working with narcissists. The therapist asks the person to write down their strengths and weaknesses and then analyze them out loud. The main task is to convince the narcissist that he is like other people.

It is necessary to clarify that you should not be too strict with yourself and strive for your own idealization. On the other hand, the doctor convinces the narcissist of the harmfulness of devaluing those around him, who are no worse than himself. If you can rid a person of the habit of idealizing and devaluing, then the recovery process will be much more effective.

Treatment and diagnosis

The diagnosis of Narcissism is made based on observation of a person. The first manifestations of the disorder are noticeable in adolescence, they are consolidated and persist throughout life.

Clinical symptoms of narcissism in psychiatry include:

inflated ego;
living in fantasies about wealth, success, fame, unearthly beauty;
conviction of one’s own uniqueness and chosenness;
a pronounced need for compliments, admiration, praise;
manipulation of people, using them for one’s own purposes;
the belief that the narcissist has special privileges and rights;
inability to empathize and sympathize;
envy and the belief that others are jealous of the narcissist;
demonstrative arrogance and deliberate arrogance.

To make a diagnosis, at least 5 signs must be present simultaneously.

Sometimes the Narcissistic Personality Inventory is used as an auxiliary method for diagnosing narcissism.

How to get rid of narcissism? Therapy for narcissism is based on an integrated approach: medication and psychotherapy. Narcissism cannot be cured until the narcissist himself asks for help. As a rule, patients come to a psychotherapist with other problems: depression, phobias, addictions. Therefore, doctors first use symptomatic drug treatment; it is aimed at stabilizing the patient’s condition.

After the symptoms have weakened, you can begin psychotherapeutic work with the primary mental illness. For mild narcissistic disorder, the Kohut method is used. In case of aggravated flow, the Kernberg technique is used. In addition, specialists turn to cognitive psychotherapy. They help the client find and work through destructive attitudes, for example, such as: “I must be the best in everything,” “I must be admired.”

Psychiatrists have not yet reached a consensus on whether narcissism can be completely cured. However, it is reliably known that it is possible to significantly reduce its symptoms and get rid of complications.

Prevention of possible disease in childhood

In order to avoid manifestations of narcissism in an adult, its prevention must be addressed from early childhood, namely from the age of 3. At the age of 3, the child begins to recognize himself as an independent person, and not part of his mother or father. It is at this age that the basic personality traits of a person are formed.

What can parents do for their child so that he grows up to be a healthy person?

It is necessary to respect the interests and preferences of the baby and see him as an independent person. Already in early childhood, personality inclinations and characteristics appear.
The child’s opinion, which he expresses when discussing family or personal issues, should be taken into account. A little person should be able to think and reason, and not perceive the words of his mother and father as an immutable truth.
You always need to answer the questions that a child has, no matter how complex they may be. This is how parents show interest in the child’s personality and help correct his knowledge in the right direction.
By personal example, parents show their child what is good, and vice versa. In relationships, you should adhere to the limits of what is permitted to the parents themselves and clearly limit them for the child.
The child should be praised and encouraged for good deeds and successes. At the same time, in case of wrong actions, love for him cannot be limited. Following manifestations of love only after the child’s actions that are positive, from the parents’ point of view, is a traumatic situation for his psyche. Parents' love can only be unconditional.
From childhood, the child’s communication skills with other children should be developed, a tolerant attitude towards people should be taught, and acceptance of everyone with shortcomings and weaknesses should be taught.
You should not compare your child with other children, praise or, conversely, set anyone as an example.

If you follow the listed rules, then the child will not have a basis for the formation of narcissism. The self-esteem of such a person will be adequate, and the message will take root in the mind that a person can be loved regardless of what interests and inclinations he has, what he looks like and what he dreams of.

Narcissist and the Self

The opposite states of the Ego are all good or all bad. It's about polarities.

Narcissists are afraid of separation, of conformity. They are afraid of strong feelings. Often they cannot withstand the stress.

Narcissistic clients demonstrate concern for their health and fear death. Perfectionism is noted.

A person may be aware of his own inadequacy. Feelings such as remorse and gratitude tend to be denied. They are afraid that others will see their imperfections.

Narcissists need external validation from others. This is necessary to maintain internal conformity with how they see themselves, or with some standards.