I'm afraid of betrayal. I can't sleep peacefully because of this

• The impact of a phobia on life
• How is fear of betrayal determined?
• Causes
• Prerequisites for pathological jealousy
• Bad experiences and past breakups
• Low self-esteem
• Social factors
• Signs of a phobia
• How to deal with fear
• Body work
• Working on thinking
• Working in pairs

Phobias occur in people with a weak psyche who have a hard time experiencing difficulties. The fear of betrayal is based on lack of confidence in oneself and in the people around them: the victim of a phobia feels that he is losing control over his life.

Fear of betrayal has a negative impact on the human psyche

The results of a phobia change the behavior and thinking of the victim. She is unable to resist obsessive thoughts and completely succumbs to them. Fear of betrayal is a problem that concerns the potential cheater and the partner suffering from betrayal.

The impact of a phobia on life

Fear itself is a defensive reaction. An acute reaction of the body always has a specific root cause and reason. The reasons can be formed from early childhood, when the basic concepts of an adult are laid down. Even the thought of betrayal, anxiety, or a random event becomes the reason. The irritant creates the appearance of danger, to which the body immediately reacts.

The phobia is based on the victim’s low self-esteem: she accepts fear and does not consider herself worthy of better. The cause of an irrational illness is experienced psychological trauma or developing primary phobias. Whatever the reason for the fear, the subconscious interprets it as a normal reaction. The more often a person thinks about a traumatic event, the more often panic attacks occur.

Fear of betrayal: how to overcome mistrust in a relationship?

How to build a trusting relationship with a partner if your subconscious is tormented by the fear of betrayal, and most importantly, you feel completely helpless in the face of this phenomenon. The more you think about cheating, the more jealous you become, and an inadequate view of the situation turns on. Is it possible to get rid of destructive thoughts and the desire to control a partner? To do this, you will have to stop imagining things and face your fears face to face.

Reasons for fear of betrayal

What provokes the development of phobias? Unpleasant events that we cannot control - incurable diseases, plane crashes, death of loved ones. If a person does not know the art of oratory, he will be afraid of public speaking. If he does not know another language, he will avoid contact with foreigners. Well, if he has a fear of betrayal, most likely he is too unsure of himself and thinks that he will not be able to meet another worthy partner.

And it’s also difficult for them to objectively assess the situation. Let's take a jealous lady, what does she think about cheating? That all men walk to the left, no matter how athletic and beautiful their wives are. They cheat on the best, so you can be a geisha in bed, an economical and talented diva, but they will still exchange you for new experiences. It turns out that women with an obsessive fear of betrayal are convinced in advance that there is no chance of keeping a man, no matter how ideal she is, nothing depends on her. There is a catch in this belief.

Psychological blocks of people with fear of betrayal

Most often, the fear of betrayal is activated in the heads of people who have already experienced a similar experience, or have become unwitting witnesses to a sexual conflict between loved ones - parents, friends. They lost ground under their feet, suffered severe post-traumatic disorder, due to which they stopped trusting the world around them and stopped distinguishing between “us” and “strangers.”

You can restore internal stability to such people by providing timely support, giving them the opportunity to speak out, cry, and analyze mistakes. Otherwise, the trauma is driven inside and the phobias get worse. Fear of betrayal also indicates low self-esteem, a person’s conviction of his own inferiority, unworthiness of a good relationship. Such people do not know how to trust; they are convinced that everyone wants to use them. What does this lead to?

Mistrust forces a jealous person to provoke a partner, aggravate the situation, pushing the relationship towards what he himself was afraid of. Constant checks, interrogations, undeserved accusations, along with violation of the boundaries of a loved one - who wants to put up with this? A jealous wife, with her constant hysterics, forces her husband to shut down and look for support on the side. At her own suggestion, he begins to look closely at other women who can accept and appreciate him. And then she throws a tantrum, saying that all men are cut from the same cloth. The problem is that she made him this way.

How to overcome mistrust in a relationship?

There is a concept of “credit of trust”, when we are open in a relationship in advance, we give our partner freedom of choice without the desire to control everything. Trust does not equate to blind naivety; we do not turn a blind eye to obvious deception for fear of losing the relationship or destroying the illusion of stability. We simply give a person freedom and listen to the signals of intuition.

To overcome the fear of betrayal, you will have to give up constantly checking on your partner, because this is childish. Any suspicions? Speak directly, honestly and without beating around the bush. Why torment yourself with doubts, rummage through someone else’s phone, invent Santa Barbara? Share your feelings and find out everything openly. If your suspicions are unjustified, but you continue to be nervous about possible betrayal in the future, learn to work with yourself. Stop focusing on your own fears and shift your attention to the positive: why did you fall in love with each other? Think about the moments for which you are especially grateful.

The main reason for cheating is sexual dissatisfaction and lack of warmth. Think about whether you can improve these aspects, diversify your intimacy, and learn to listen to your partner’s needs. The ability to hear each other and be supportive is an important component of trust. However, you should understand that the world is not ideal, people are imperfect, and therefore you cannot protect yourself from pain 100%. If this happens to you, the event should not become the collapse of your entire life.

What is treason? This is a crisis in a relationship, a lesson that needs to be learned. Perhaps life wants you to reconsider your behavior, learn to understand each other, and regain lost romance. This is an incentive to reach a new level, change, become better and closer to each other. You will have to relearn love, take responsibility for your actions, but without this it is impossible to build a strong marriage. After all, feelings are something living that needs constant attention and reinforcement, that definitely needs to be watered, flavored, and dried branches cut off in time. This is not just work, it is joint creativity, which is what life consists of!

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How is fear of betrayal determined?

Cheating symbolizes betrayal and lies. Such actions of a partner personify humiliation, belittlement of love and built relationships. For a sensitive person, betrayal is akin to death. They are experienced especially acutely: the fear of betrayal is characterized not only by panic attacks, but also by increased aggressiveness of the victim. She cannot cope with the emotions that overwhelm her. A phobia that is constantly fed changes the person’s perception: she can no longer separate far-fetched fears from real events.

Fear of betrayal is accompanied by:

• jealousy;
• mistrust;
• the desire to offend or hurt a partner.

Fear evokes specific feelings. The fear of betrayal is equally strong for the wife and for the husband. Groundless jealousy of a spouse is accompanied by cruel and aggressive behavior. A phobia can develop without a relationship if a person experiences psychological trauma. He is scared, and his fear finds the easiest way out. It is difficult for such a person to start new relationships; he is aloof and withdrawn.

A phobia provokes a desire to offend a partner

Causes

A phobia does not arise without a reason: a random fear of betrayal does not occur in either men or women. In most cases, the partner only partially influences the fears of the victim. The germs of fear can appear in early childhood, when parental relationships are far from ideal. Jealous fathers create wrong attitudes in the subconscious of little boys. Difficult relationships in the family can also affect a girl, for whom scenes of jealousy become an acceptable norm.

Fear in women causes mental disorders: frequent hysterics affect the well-being of the spouse even when there is no reason for jealousy. This fear is called irrational and is accompanied by constant internal tension.

The reason for mistrust in a relationship is the partner’s strange behavior. If a person changes dramatically, the beloved seeks an explanation for such changes.

A difficult situation with pregnant women or young mothers. Hormonal changes in the body affect a woman’s emotionality. She fears for the future of the child, the family, and for the changes that her husband is pushing her to make. The phobia intensifies after childbirth, when a woman has an unstable psycho-emotional state and incipient dissatisfaction with her own body. For a wife and husband, postpartum depression, aggravated by the fear of betrayal, is a real test of strength.

Prerequisites for pathological jealousy

The family model, as a relationship between partners, is formed before the age of 5–6 years. Regardless of whether a child grows up in a full-fledged family or is raised only by his mother or father, an understanding of the family and its generality is ingrained in his head.

If parents do not have trust, the child is unable to develop faith in his partner. There is no direct fault of the wife or husband for such mistrust: the victim considers the suspicions obvious and logical. Seeing the true problem is very difficult.

The preconditions for fear are traumatic events that represent betrayal. Fear does not require special reasons; the opinion takes root in the subconscious of the individual that any action can be expected from another person. This reason is especially dangerous for women who experienced violence in childhood: mistrust pushes them into voluntary loneliness in adulthood.

Bad experiences and past breakups

Unsuccessful relationships in the past affect the perception of a new partner. After betrayal, there is a fear of experiencing unbearable pain again. If in women a complex psycho-emotional state is expressed in the outside world, then in men fear develops covertly without obvious symptoms. Reasons for fear:

• divorce of parents (the child had a hard time with the breakup and blamed himself for the breakup of the family);
• betrayal of the first partner;
• names of the current partner.

Fear is a reaction, not a cause, and with the irritation that accompanies scenes of jealousy, internal tension goes away, and the victim feels better. Temporary relief is deceptive. Only identifying the root cause will allow you to get rid of obsessive thoughts.

Relationships are difficult between partners who have had unpleasant episodes in the past: a man or woman has been caught cheating. Not many partners are able to sincerely forgive betrayal and let go of grievances. Suppressed anger results in new claims and hidden aggression.

Negative experiences can cause distress

Low self-esteem

The main reason why partnerships do not work out is low self-esteem of the husband or wife. Self-perception determines the value a person places on being a spouse. The less he loves himself, the fewer demands he makes on his partner: the result is betrayal or disrespectful attitude in the couple. The first doubts arise from thoughts that the partner is looking for a more worthy lover, and over time, fears only intensify.

The victim of fear has many phobias that she does not want to get rid of. In women, low self-esteem affects the sexual aspect of relationships; aversion to one’s own body and inhibitions prevent one from opening up. As a result, a partner with low self-esteem himself pushes his spouse to cheat.

The complexity of problems associated with self-perception is that it is difficult to accept the very fact of a personality problem. She does not consider herself worthy of good treatment, and betrayal is another confirmation of her fears.

In most cases, the victim waits for betrayal and pushes her husband to cheat in order to relieve tension and create the appearance of control over the situation. In women, suspicion is attributed to intuition, although it has no basis. Insecure men lash out at their spouse, whom they consider unfaithful. It is easier for them to throw out aggression than to be convinced that they are right.

Social factors

Fears need feeding. If a person does not harbor fear, he loses control over the situation. The excuses that are made to normalize fear must be confirmed. People with a fear of betrayal develop paranoia: fixation on searching for evidence of betrayal saves them from internal tension. A person is in constant stress; he cannot get rid of anxious thoughts, day or night.

Unfavorable environmental conditions increase the premonition of imminent betrayal. Difficult living conditions, financial difficulties or problems at work aggravate the psycho-emotional state of the victim. She cannot deal with the difficulties that have piled up, falling into depression. Cheating is not a surprise for an exhausted person. Experiencing constant stress, he is waiting for another disaster.

Lack of money worsens the patient's condition

Reasons for fearing that you will be cheated on

Many people confuse fear of betrayal with jealousy or fear of loneliness, although psychologists have long come to the conclusion that these concepts are completely unrelated.

Jealousy, if it does not take a manic form, is quite acceptable. Feeling jealousy, a person strives to be better so as not to lose the interest of his lover.

But in cases where jealousy crosses all acceptable boundaries and echoes thoughts about possible betrayal, even without obvious reasons, then such a thing as fear of betrayal can be diagnosed.

Fear of betrayal, like many other phobias, has specific reasons for its formation, among which it would not be out of place to note such as:

• Low self-esteem. Women who are insecure are prone to excessive suspiciousness. They are susceptible to the development of various complexes that make them nervous and unconsciously fear possible betrayal.
• Problems in childhood. Children whose parents had problems with fidelity or were unable to keep the family together and divorced experience distrust in the very institution of marriage. It is the divorce of mom and dad that can become the factor that becomes the starting point for the occurrence of psychological trauma. In the future, without wanting it, a woman will wait for the period when conflicts with her partner begin in her relationship.
• Negative relationship experience. If in a previous relationship a woman experienced betrayal by a loved one, then it is not surprising that she experiences fears about possible betrayal in the future. Often, negative experiences transform into an obsession that interferes with building a strong family.
• Flirting partner. Some representatives of the stronger sex do not consider it shameful to shower strangers with compliments. To some extent, such men can be called flighty, but this does not mean that they admit the possibility of cheating on their beloved. But it will be enough for a woman to hear her lover admire the beauty of another lady a couple of times for her to develop a fear of potential betrayal in the future.
• Intrusive thoughts after childbirth. Many young mothers lose confidence in their own attractiveness. It seems to them that childbirth has spoiled their figure, and caring for a child takes away the last crumbs of charm. You can convince a woman for a long time that she is still beautiful, but the fear of betrayal on the part of her lover will not disappear.

Important

Some men believe that it is good for a woman to be afraid of betrayal. They say that such fear encourages them to always be on their toes and not relax. They are not even averse to once again hinting that there are a lot of beautiful women around, thereby only aggravating the fear of their other half.

Signs of a phobia

It is important to distinguish between fears caused by real facts and fear that betrayal will occur regardless of external factors. If the relationship is not working out, betrayal should be a lesson for the partner, and not a reason for fear in the future. Signs of fear as an irrational reaction to what is happening:

1. Constant control of the lover. Loss of control is the basis of the fear of betrayal. It seems to the lover that if he knows every step of his partner, the problem will be resolved. He will either find out the bitter truth or prevent the fact of betrayal. What the victim sees and her behavior through the eyes of her partner are completely different concepts. The excessive control of a person with pathological jealousy looks tyrannical. In attempts to establish his own regime in the family, the husband is able to raise his hand against his wife or set boundaries in front of her: protect her from the outside world, control her expenses and work schedule. For the victim of fear, such behavior is normal and natural, because she feels that betrayal cannot be avoided in any other way.
2. Hysterics. The victim of fear cannot control emotions: it is difficult for her to justify outbursts of anger and mistrust. She gets angry and takes out negative feelings on the object of fear - her spouse. It is difficult to build a relationship if the husband loses control over his emotions. The emotional instability of a spouse creates a threat to the entire family.
3. Exaggerated pity. People with low self-esteem do not know any other way of manipulation. Pity is a tool for achieving your goals. With the fear of betrayal comes the fear that the partner will leave the family. To combat a future problem, the partner instills guilt into her loved one. She blames him for her failures, illnesses or poor health. Evoking pity, she feels her husband’s dependence. This way she manages to temporarily reduce her anxiety. Exaggerated pity can result in attempts to commit suicide in order to keep a partner. The victim of fear does not want to die, but only wants to play on the guilt of the potential traitor.
4. The presence of indirect, numerous evidence. The victim's fixation works to her advantage: she has a lot of time to put her fears together. Random facts, fictitious and distorted circumstances, intonation and behavior of the spouse form the basis of “irrefutable” evidence. The victim of fear sincerely believes in their obviousness and reliability. Quarrels with a partner can last for hours while an insecure husband or wife proves the fact of non-existent infidelity.
5. Suspicion. The victim always doubts the words of the partner. Whatever he says or does, everything is subject to doubt and verification.

The victim of fear of betrayal is often picky about little things. She still cannot prove betrayal, and the accumulated anger requires an outlet. Little things are an occasional reason for a quarrel. After the proceedings, the victim feels relieved; it seems to her that the traitor got what he deserved.

The husband or suspicious wife is in constant stress. The desire to avoid pain leads to disappointment with which the victim lives for years.

How to get rid of the fear of your husband's betrayal?

You cannot treat the fear of betrayal with connivance. There are many ways that can help cope with this condition, and visiting a psychologist is not at all necessary for this.

It is no secret that it is women who suffer more from jealousy and insecurity in their partners. In order to get rid of the fear of betrayal, pay attention to the following tips:

• Self-realization. In order to prevent harmful thoughts from appearing, you should occupy your free time with something useful. Think about your hobbies, do handicrafts or read interesting books. Thus, you will not only not think about all sorts of stupid things, but you will also learn a lot of new and useful things. A harmonious personality needs continuous improvement, because you cannot remain at the same level of development and expect that the interest of your loved one will not fade away.
• Appearance. Often, after marriage, women stop paying due attention to their appearance. If you have neglected yourself and cannot get out of your washed dressing gown, then do not be surprised that your life partner will one day have an affair on the side. Take time to care for yourself and your body and you will not lose your attractiveness.
• Active intimate life. If you don’t want your chosen one to think about his mistress, never deny him sex. Constantly citing fatigue and headaches, you yourself push him into the arms of another woman.
• No surveillance! Checking SMS messages, profiles on social networks, pockets - all this shows your distrust of the man and can cause a break in the relationship. This behavior pattern will not lead to anything good. The fear of betrayal should not dominate your emotions, turning you into a bloodhound.

Important

When dealing with the fear of betrayal, the most important thing is to stop and think. Never make hasty conclusions or give in to doubts without clear evidence.

How to deal with fear

Psychologists insist that everyone needs to get rid of the premonition of betrayal. You cannot put up with negative feelings; such behavior will harm both the victim of fear and her family. The basis of a happy relationship is trust between two individuals. Self-realized people do not suffer from low self-esteem; they know their worth. Such individuals are disgusted by the very thought of betrayal, because they do not see a replacement for themselves and do not accept it.

Psychologists advise starting the fight against jealousy not with your partner, but with yourself, with your perception of the situation. If a husband or wife has a desire to change, no one will be able to influence such an outcome.

All a partner can be guided by is their own comfort and emotional stability.

Body work

Another way to increase self-esteem is to take care of yourself. Physical activity not only improves appearance and combats complexes, but also allows you to deal with disturbing thoughts. In group classes, the victim of fear makes acquaintances: new people allow him to look at the situation from a different angle.

Running and yoga help you find inner harmony. With the help of physical activity you can cope with panic attacks. Working on the body gives a positive boost to both men and women.

Running will help you find inner harmony

Working on thinking

You won't be able to overcome fear without changing your beliefs. Believing in betrayal is tantamount to doubting your own choice, because your partner deserves respect and trust. Without objective reasons, doubts must be fought.

Auto-training gives good results: daily exercises can increase self-esteem and get rid of negative thoughts. It is necessary to concentrate on your strengths and fight complexes.

Working in pairs

A problem in a couple should not be solved by just one partner. If the well-being of a suspicious wife is important to a husband, he should talk to her frankly. An open dialogue will help dispel doubts and calm your lover’s anxiety.

To eliminate groundless suspicions, it is useful to spend leisure time together. By taking a break from the daily routine, people re-prove the sincerity of their feelings.

If a person feels loved, the thought of betrayal does not occur to him. A joint vacation is useful, which will strengthen the spouses’ faith in each other.

“I’m afraid of betrayal” - what to do?

• Try to understand the true motives for this person being around. To do this, you need to observe his actions, actions, and not really listen to what he says. A person can declare love, respect and loyalty-honesty out loud. But he will always move along the path of his unconscious intention and betray himself by actions. Look carefully at how he treats his family and people.
• ask him in confidence . It is likely that he is following a learned pattern in his family. Or he has the conviction that doing so is right. In such a conversation, it is important to feel that you have heard each other and understood each other on a deep level.
• Having understood what motivates him, you can already draw conclusions about whether you are ready to stay close to him. Is your jealousy justified? You need to understand that you are now making a decision on which your future happiness will depend.

The goal of all these steps is to try to understand the true state of affairs instead of “giving credit of trust” and then have trouble sleeping at night, fearing betrayal.

Of course, no one can give 100% guarantees; life is more complicated and unpredictable. But, in any case, a clearer understanding of the motives of your partner’s behavior brings peace of mind. And helps reduce jealousy and fear.