How to forgive your wife's betrayal and move on. Advice from psychologists

Reasons for wife's cheating

You can forgive your spouse only if you know exactly the reasons why she decided to cheat. Maybe the wife experienced real feelings, or maybe she just wanted to have fun. It will be possible to find out about this only after a frank conversation.

Often both spouses are to blame for the problem. In any case, the decision was made by the woman, which means she must answer for it and clarify why she did it. As a rule, women are pushed towards infidelity by certain factors, by analyzing which you can understand whether it is worth forgiving your wife’s infidelity.

Lack of attention. Any girl needs compliments, warmth and tenderness. If she does not receive all this from her husband, she begins to look for emotions on the side.

Compulsion. It happens that a woman finds herself under the influence of a man who has power over her. For example, the boss forces her to have sex, threatening to fire her. Or she decides to cheat for the sake of money, trying to save her family from financial problems.

Opposite views of spouses on relationships. The union is doomed if the girl is constantly engaged in self-development and moves towards her goals, while the man leads a passive lifestyle and is content with what he has. Meeting the appropriate partner is a matter of time.

Revenge. If a husband cheated on his wife in the past, sooner or later she may do the same.

Love. If sex on the side is betrayal, then feelings for another man are betrayal. In this case, everything is much more complicated: emotions get out of control, which means maintaining the relationship is impossible.

Inappropriate behavior of the spouse. Manifestation of moral and physical violence, the presence of bad habits, sloppiness and parasitism can push a woman away from her chosen one.

Dissatisfaction in sexual life. If sex becomes monotonous and the husband is not ready to experiment, then the woman can get what she wants on the side.

Self-affirmation. Conquering another man pleases a woman’s vanity and raises her self-esteem.

Cheating as a way to diversify leisure time. Sometimes women experience an irresistible craving for entertainment and intense emotions. At the same time, they use every opportunity and try to get the most out of life. In most cases, banal idleness leads to betrayal.

Craving for expensive gifts. Often, husbands rarely spoil their wives with luxury items, and lovers consider it their duty to give their ladies expensive gifts.

Can there be a relationship after cheating?

Unfortunately, it is impossible to give an exact answer to this question, since the relationship between a man and a woman in most situations is at different levels. One of the spouses may cheat on their partner for several years in a row, without paying any attention to their other half. And, there are situations when a spouse quite sophisticatedly leads a double life, succeeding on both “fronts”.

How to behave if your husband cheated?

The question of maintaining a relationship after the betrayal of a beloved husband worries many women. If your beloved man dared to commit such an immoral act, then there may be several reasons for this:

New emotions

Your spouse simply does not have enough of your attention, the emotions that he receives from the relationship with you are not enough. Of course, a man likes that there is another woman in his life. Many men love variety, one might even adore it. In such a situation, when your spouse became bored and wanted new emotions, your relationship may end, not only because you do not want to forgive him, like a woman. A man, after his wife finds out about the betrayal, can pack his things and move in with his mistress. To some extent, the fact that the truth has finally been revealed will make him happy and relieve his soul. After all, there is no need for the wife to lie anymore. He's free. Here the relationship will be over and cannot be continued by the spouse.

An absurd accident

Men, like all people, tend to make mistakes that, in the end, he will regret. At the moment of the strongest impulse of passion and irresistible desire, the husband could spend the night with another woman. In such a situation, he will try to carefully hide the truth from his wife, so that under no circumstances will she find out about the betrayal. All these actions on the part of a man will indicate that he wants to save his family and relationship with his wife. Therefore, it is in this situation that the decision to preserve family values and relationships will lie entirely on the woman’s shoulders.

New love

The husband fell in love with another woman and resolutely admits to his wife that he cheated on him. He leaves the family and in such a situation most women give up. Do not humiliate yourself in front of your spouse, you do not need to beg him to stay and perform other similar actions. Accept his decision to leave the family and come to terms with it. This way you will ease your psychological and mental state. Since a man made an independent decision to leave the family, it means that he no longer has those reverent and affectionate feelings for you that he had at the very beginning of your relationship. As they say: “You can’t be nice by force.”

The reasons for a woman's and a man's betrayal differ in some cases. As a rule, a man wants new sexual sensations without further development of the relationship; a woman, on the contrary, cheats more often because she has developed feelings for another man

How to behave if your wife cheated?

Just as in a situation with a spouse’s betrayal, it is necessary to try to find the true reason for her action. Situations based on which you can think through your further actions:

New feelings

The wife decided to leave the family quite deliberately. She fell in love with another person, he is more successful, richer than you. In most cases, a woman decides to cheat because her husband no longer resembles the ideal man she created for herself. It is in this case that a woman begins to look for a new image that is right for her. In such a situation, it is useless to think about restoring relations with his wife after cheating, since this decision was meaningful on her part.

An unexpected acquaintance

A casual relationship with the first man you meet at a party or New Year's corporate event also happens. Of course, this is certainly considered the most real betrayal, but perhaps your wife does not find a place for herself and does not know how to confess to you what she has done. If you love each other, and this is the first time this situation has happened to you, you should still try to improve the relationship. Anyone can make mistakes.

Spending time together and being attentive to each other’s problems will help strengthen relationships

Restoring relationships after cheating

If you still decide to maintain a relationship with your spouse after the betrayal has occurred, it is important to remember that you should not immediately “throw yourself” at his/her neck and forgive. It is necessary to show that this act disappointed you quite a lot, and you just can’t come to your senses. You need some time, pause. Stop communicating for a certain period of time. Let your feelings be restored and gain new strength.

Is it possible to forgive your wife's betrayal?

In order to answer this question, it is necessary to analyze many factors. First of all, understand whether the spouse admits his guilt, whether she is ready to correct the situation and return psychological comfort to the relationship.

Read more: Signs that a man is satisfied after intimacy with a woman

If the answers to these questions are positive, then female infidelity can be forgiven. Especially if the indirect culprit of adultery was the husband.

According to psychologists, it will take 3-12 months to forgive your wife’s betrayal and save your family.

When can you forgive your wife for cheating and save your marriage?

When solving this issue, you need to focus on your feelings and circumstances. Psychologists give some advice on how to forgive your wife after cheating.

Happy life together before cheating. No serious conflicts or misconduct marred your relationship. What happened was a complete accident and causes sincere repentance in the wife.

The betrayal did not weaken his feelings for his wife. If a man is not ready to give his spouse to his rival, and the pain from imagining the possibility of separate existence is stronger than the pain from betrayal, maintaining the relationship is realistic.

There is also a chance of saving the marriage if the wife:

is not in love with another man and does not maintain contact with him;
ready to exclude all personal contacts with men;
strives to improve living together and intimate life;
respects his spouse and does not compare him with his lover;
does not turn children against her husband;
not pregnant from her lover and did not terminate her pregnancy from him;
asks for forgiveness and apologizes;
takes care that the betrayal is not remembered;
guarantees compliance with all of the above.

The spouse, in turn, must:

When you shouldn't forgive

Regardless of the culprit of the incident, there are several reasons why forgiveness for betrayal is impossible:

the wife has absolutely no remorse and regret for what she did;
she does not take any measures related to the exclusion of further betrayals;
betrayal is a trifle for her;
it does not guarantee that this will not happen again;
shifts all the blame onto the husband and shows complete disrespect for him;
has feelings for her lover and maintains a connection with him;
pregnant by her lover;
if the wife has cheated not for the first time;
adultery existed for a long time;
the wife does not want to have children together;
turns children against husband;
she until the last denied the fact of betrayal or never admitted to it, despite the evidence;
tries to threaten divorce, demanding favorable conditions for himself.

A marriage also cannot survive if the spouse:

show aggression and use physical force;
humiliate your spouse;
first he will decide to forgive, then he will again begin the “debriefing”;
constantly remember about betrayal, causing yourself torment;
change in response;
turn children against wife;
talk about what happened;
do not show love, care and tenderness towards your spouse;
opposed to having children.

Read more: What you need to know about the psychology of a man in love in order to build a long and happy relationship with him

How to deal with the consequences of betrayal2

In order to cope with the consequences of a decision that is detrimental to relationships, you need to prepare for long and painstaking work. Honestly answer the question of why this particular relationship needs to be preserved, why not continue the affair and start new ones. Any reasons other than a painfully acute inner desire will not allow you to go through the path of forgiveness.

Talk honestly

After the first emotions have subsided, it is necessary to calmly and without emotions discuss the situation. Honestly admit the reasons for the betrayal, be as sincere as possible.

In addition to discussing the fact of betrayal, it is necessary to find out about the feelings of the injured party and jointly decide whether both are ready to work to save the family. If the injured party is not ready to forgive and try to fix everything, then nothing will work out, no matter how much you work.

Try to forgive

Forgiveness will not come immediately, but if you have made the decision to try to restore the relationship after cheating, you need to force yourself to sincerely try to forgive the other person. Through all the pain and resentment. Such pain does not go away in one day, you need patience and a conscious decision to trust again the person who betrayed you so vilely, but without this it will not be possible to improve the relationship. Read more about how to forgive betrayal by following the link.

Go to a psychologist

The main criterion for successfully saving relationships will be the restoration of complete openness and reaching a new level of trust. A specialist will help bring to the surface feelings that are kept silent and open your eyes to things that remain only in your heads.

Do not involve relatives and friends

It is almost impossible to cope with such pain alone and the desire to find support in friends is understandable. The problem is that friends in this situation act based on their own picture of the world and theoretical experience - they cannot be objective. In addition, if the relationship can still be saved, friends may not understand and will definitely never forget.

In any case, on the scale of the Universe, sex on the side does not in itself pose a mortal threat to relationships. The main reason for breakups is betrayal. Trusting another person is already difficult, and if there is reason to doubt, intimacy becomes almost unbearable. Before you think about how to restore a relationship after cheating, you should honestly answer the question: “Do I love this person so much that I would go through hell again?”

It is also worth knowing about sex after cheating - is it possible? We will answer this question!

Message from the Editor

We select the most relevant and verified information for you, because the relationship between a man and a woman is shrouded in a bunch of erroneous facts and stereotypes. Would you like us to tell you how marriage affects men and women? The results of many surveys and studies show that during the first 5 years from the moment of official registration in the registry office, the nature of the relationship of each partner radically changes towards secrecy. But at the same time, experts in the field of relationship psychology have refuted all the controversial nuances on this issue. This situation is not bad at all. If you have seen this in yourself or your partner, it illustrates that your priority is to work on your relationship, which is the most important condition for a strong marriage.

How to behave after forgiving an infidelity

After the spouse has admitted the fact of betrayal, openly talked about the reasons for the adultery and sincerely asks for forgiveness, giving her a second chance becomes much easier. However, the tactics of behavior for further building relationships are known to few. Psychologists give some advice.

Give your spouse the opportunity to make amends. Seeing her regret for the offense and her efforts to regain her former trust and affection, there is no need to interfere with this. Give her time.

Start building a new relationship model. Figure out what you expect from each other and clarify the reasons for quarrels and conflicts in order to avoid them in the future.

Open the door to change. Refresh your senses with changes in appearance, new achievements, hobbies. Eliminate your bad habits and everything that your spouse didn’t like.

Make repairs. Interior renovation is an excellent motivation for starting life with a clean slate and getting rid of many negative memories.

Add romance. Recreating the courtship period will help cover the fallout from the spouse’s act. Visit places that are memorable to both of you and give each other pleasant surprises.

Legitimize the relationship. If you were in a civil relationship before the betrayal, after reconciliation, register your union. If you are both believers, go to church for repentance and communion, or perform a wedding ceremony.

Have a wedding. If you are officially married, re-marry. Do something that you didn’t have enough money for before, or something that you have long dreamed of: go on a romantic trip, book a table in a good restaurant.

Change your wedding rings. Instead of rings stained by betrayal, buy new rings and solemnly put them on each other.

Do something extreme together. Jump with a parachute, dive to the seabed in scuba gear and drink champagne there, climb to a mountain peak, fly around your city in a helicopter, etc.

Organize a celebration of reconciliation in an original format: order a limousine and ride in it with friends, spend a weekend in a country hotel, go on a cruise or have fun on the dance floor together.

If your wife met her lover in the family apartment and this bothers you, it would be wise to sell this living space and buy another. The troubles caused are fully compensated by peace of mind and mutual comfort.

Remember: the more actions from this list you do, the faster the intrusive memories will leave you, and all this should be done as soon as possible after reconciliation.

How to accept the fact of betrayal

The hardest thing is to accept the fact of what happened. At first, the brain refuses to perceive information and begins to come up with all sorts of excuses. I want to continue to love as before, regardless of what happened. But with this approach it is easy to harm yourself, lose faith in yourself and the necessary confidence.

You cannot advise a person to let go of the past by all available means. Internal resources are not unlimited, but have limits. If forgiveness is to come, it must come from within, and not through coercion.

Coping with yourself means maintaining peace of mind, and not forcing yourself to act in a certain way, to the detriment of your own pride. You shouldn’t immediately try to justify your partner in your own eyes. You need to come to your senses and experience negative emotions. Only then will you be able to let go of the mental pain.

Find out the source of information

It happens that evil tongues achieve specific actions: the breakdown of a family, the emergence of a hostile mood. That's why you don't need to believe everyone. No matter how bitter it may be, you should not succumb to provocation. It's better to find out everything yourself. Information needs to be checked, given a chance to correct the situation, and discover prospects.

If an envious person spreads rumors, then you should doubt the truth of the assumption. The person is probably not acting with good intentions.

Talk to your wife

A timely conversation will help clarify a lot. Conversation helps relieve tension and build understanding between people. Sometimes it is enough to have a heart-to-heart talk, to explain with an open heart, to avoid a breakup and additional accusations.

There is no need to remind each other about previously made mistakes. This doesn't make any sense. It is enough to discuss only the current situation, to become imbued with the interests of the partner, without forgetting about your own. Then in the future there will be no desire to blame each other, recalling previous mistakes.

READ How to force your husband to admit cheating on his own: advice from a psychologist

Take a break in the relationship

After a traumatic event has occurred, it is helpful to pause. You need to give time to both yourself and your significant other. During this period, you should not torment yourself with needless torment. You should try to calmly think about what happened in order to make the right decision in the future. It is not easy for believers in this regard.

Orthodox canons dictate specific rules for all occasions. Divorce is not acceptable under any circumstances. Even by forcing a husband to tolerate his wife’s infidelity, the individual is belittled and individual thoughts and experiences are not taken into account.

Find the reason in yourself

A reasonable person reflects on the reasons for his own actions and the motives of the behavior of others. Such people freely determine how they should act in a given situation; they know that they themselves are not ideal.

Trying to find the reason within yourself means identifying your own shortcomings and finding an explanation for everything that happens. If conflicts constantly occurred in family life, this indicates such character traits as intolerance, authoritarianism, reluctance to help, or to participate in everyday affairs.

Sometimes you need to look at yourself from the outside, repent and ask for forgiveness. This is not easy to do, given that most people have an excessive sense of self-esteem and are afraid of being in a humiliated position.

Visit a psychologist

The worst thing about cheating is the loss of trust. The individual loses confidence in the partner, and therefore in the safety of the world around him. After all, if the closest person can cheat, then other people pose an even greater danger. The usual picture of the world is shattered, leaving behind only fear, doubt and uncertainty. Many formerly rejected spouses come to the need to visit a psychologist.

A specialist will help you work through your internal conflict, heal from mental wounds, and survive what happened with minimal emotional losses. The advice of a psychologist will be useful to those who despair, have lost faith in themselves and have become indifferent to everything that is happening. A competent professional will not rush, justify the spouse’s action, which seems unambiguous, and will not cultivate feelings of guilt. The main task is to preserve an integral personality, indestructible all-round thinking.

How to avoid mistakes

Having learned about his wife's infidelity, a man can make many mistakes due to anger and resentment.

Revenge. To show the strength of the pain caused by the wife, the husband may decide to retaliate. However, the subsequent feeling of guilt will further affect his emotional state and make maintaining the relationship impossible.

Recollections. Giving your spouse a chance to improve, there is no need to reproach her for infidelity at every opportunity. This will not only inflame memories, but also serve as a reason for constant quarrels.

Indifference. In order to punish the cheater, the husband can show unsurpassed ingenuity in demonstrating his indifference and lack of feelings. In this case, the spouse may simply leave, ceasing to believe in reconciliation.

Bad habits. Often stress and mental pain provoke a desire to dull them with alcohol. Temporary euphoria can lead to addiction, which will further convince the wife that she does not need such a man.

Loss of self-esteem. Betrayal often gives rise to self-doubt and many complexes. In any conflicts, one partner is never to blame, but this does not mean that you are worse than someone else. This is just an incentive to rethink your behavior and begin self-improvement.

How to forgive your wife's betrayal and move on with your life

It is extremely difficult to forget and let go of an insult caused by someone closest to you. Character and temperament play a big role in this. If you don’t want to lose your spouse and don’t understand how to forgive her for cheating, you will have to go through 3 stages.

Shock. The news that hit you caused shock, rage or stupor. The world has collapsed, and wild pain and seething emotions prevent the former life. You need to give yourself time, suffer and let your feelings out in any way. There is no need to make decisions and withdraw into yourself. You need to tell someone about your pain.

Reboot. Gradually the shock disappears and the time comes to look around and assess the scale of destruction and the meaning of restoration. At this stage, you need to think about the reasons that pushed your spouse to cheat and write down important thoughts.

Recovery. Over time, the pain loses its severity. The time has come to get used to your new life, forget everything connected with betrayal, and find new sources of positive emotions. The time is coming for change, searching and eradicating your own mistakes.

Natalia