Psychologist's commentary. Avoid therapists who involve you in an addictive relationship. When experiencing difficulties, we seek help from another person, whom, consciously or unconsciously, we endow with enormous power: we pin our hopes on him and are convinced that he is the one who will help us. Therefore, we can say that a psychotherapist is bad in one and only case - if he abuses his influence on us.
It is unacceptable to use a patient to improve one’s own social and financial situation, increase self-esteem, or to get rid of feelings of loneliness with his help, creating and maintaining relationships of dependence. The psychotherapist must take care of the patient’s well-being, promote the development of his independence, and maintain confidentiality.
These rules help the therapist to refrain from directive advice and recommendations, thereby showing the patient that he respects his personality, sees his resource capabilities and encourages attempts to make his own choices, even if the patient sometimes faces failure.
In addition, the psychotherapist has no right to establish friendly or (especially!) sexual relationships with the patient. Violation of any of these rules, even if it seems quite harmless, indicates that something is wrong with this specialist. And it is better to refuse his services.
How do I understand that I need a psychologist?
The reasons why people come to psychotherapy vary.
From general dissatisfaction with life to traumatic events, when life is divided into before and after. But all requests are united by the fact that a person cannot cope with his difficult experiences on his own. Previously, he had some of his own ways - for example, asking for support from friends or being alone and thinking about everything. Or don’t think at all and occupy yourself with work, alcohol, and entertainment. But at some point these methods stopped helping. The person seems to be doing what he usually did, but it’s not getting any easier for him. The feelings remain, the situation does not change, the tension accumulates. A person ceases to be fully present in his life, because he is immersed in experiences from which he cannot emerge in any way. He can no longer cope the way he used to, but he doesn’t know any other way. At this moment people come to psychotherapy. In order to, by exploring oneself, one’s reactions, internal difficulties and traumatic situations, develop new response mechanisms, ways of interacting with others and with oneself.
Many people think that in psychotherapy people receive advice and instructions on how to solve their problems, but this is a misconception. The main goal here is for a person to discover resources and strength within himself, and again gain the opportunity to deal with difficulties in the most suitable way for him. To understand and be more aware of what he is like, how he builds his life and why. Because changes come when we understand what and how it works in our lives (internal and external), by what own laws we live. A psychologist accompanies us on this path.
Psychological centers
The easiest way to find a family psychologist There you can also read reviews from real people and recommendations for the work of a particular specialist. As a rule, psychological centers have high attendance. While waiting your turn, you can ask people and study the relevant brochures. It is best to prepare for your visit in advance. Find out everything in detail about the center itself and what services the employees provide. Finding a good psychologist who will meet your requirements is quite difficult. After all, each person has his own criteria, capabilities and individual problems. What suits one person is often completely contraindicated for another. Today there are psychological centers in every city. In large cities, people have the opportunity to choose from several decent options.
So, it's time for me to see a psychologist. How and where can I find it?
This is a really important question. Psychotherapy is an intimate thing, no matter who you go to it with. Therefore, searching just like that, by brute force in Google or on services, is a rather unsafe business. There is a lot of anxiety because you are going to a psychologist at all, and if he is also a “pig in a poke”, then the insecurity will simply go off scale. In addition, VERY different people practice psychology. There is a risk of running into someone who will not help or even worsen your condition. Therefore, I always recommend contacting those whom you already know a little bit in absentia. Where can I get them?
1. Recommendations
The theory of six handshakes has not been canceled, and if you ask around, then among your acquaintances or acquaintances there will be someone who has contacted such specialists himself or knows someone who has. And if there is a person who went to consultations, remained alive after them and even received help, this is already a guarantee that this specialist is reliable and adequate. It’s not a fact that it will help you too; individual compatibility cannot be avoided, but it’s worth considering.
If there are psychologists among your friends, that’s generally great. Of course, they won’t work with you, but they can definitely recommend colleagues they trust. We often have cases when people contact us with whom we cannot work due to intersections (acquaintances or their relatives) or because the specifics do not allow (for example, I do not work with children and chemical dependencies). Referring such a person to a colleague is considered good form in our professional environment. Therefore, each psychologist has a list of colleagues whom he trusts and whom he can recommend.
2. Those whom you know in absentia
These are the specialists you follow on social networks, read their publications, listen to lectures or webinars. Their texts are close to you, you like their style, their ideas help. They inspire trust, because you already have a little idea of what kind of people they are, how they communicate, what methods they use. This helps a lot when choosing.
If you have to search from scratch, then before you type the coveted word “psychologist” into Google, think about who you need. What he should be like for you to feel comfortable with him. Is this a man or a woman? Older than you or your age? Is this a “comrade in arms” with whom you are not afraid to go on reconnaissance, or a big and wise parent? Trust the image that appears in your head, because unconsciously we always know with whom we will be comfortable discussing the most pressing topics.
When you have chosen, do not trust yourself blindly. Get to know him a little. What and how he writes, what information is posted about him, is he on social networks. And only then make a decision.
How does a psychologist differ from a psychotherapist? What results can I expect?
A psychologist is considered a specialist who has received a higher psychological education. This gives him the right to work in his specialty in various institutions. A psychologist usually deals with issues of child development, career guidance, diagnostics of psychological state, etc. Also provides consultations. Mostly life's difficulties (work, self-esteem, relationships, raising children) and the search for solutions are discussed.
A psychotherapist is a person with a higher psychological education and additional specialization in one of the areas of psychotherapy (Gestalt, psychoanalysis, transactional analysis, behaviorism, existential psychotherapy, Jungian analysis, etc.). Obtaining a specialization usually takes three years, sometimes more. Accompanied by mandatory requirements to undergo your own therapy and supervision. This allows the psychotherapist, along with life’s troubles, to work with deeper and more complex issues: depression, phobias, psychological trauma, addictions, psychosomatics. The psychotherapist works with the client’s deep processes, which are aimed not at eliminating the problem, but at awareness, living, support, elaboration, restoration of internal integrity, so that the person himself can build his life and live it fully.
A psychologist and a psychotherapist work with different tasks, so the results will be different. To make it clearer, I’ll use the example of a cold, which psychologists, of course, cannot treat. Let's say you have a terrible runny nose. The psychologist will work with you to find out what methods are right for you so that you can breathe again. Here is the result. The psychotherapist will study your illness with you. Determine the reasons why you get sick so often, why your body is exhausted, and your immunity is reduced. Together with you, we will develop new methods of treatment, maintaining your body and methods of prevention. So that, based on new knowledge, you can build your life differently and feel more comfortable in it.
Not everyone needs deep work. After all, an accidental runny nose for the first time in the last year and an exhausting cold that returns every two months and interferes with life are completely different things. Here only you determine what kind of work you need, what you want from consultations. It is important to proceed from your condition and your needs.
Are Skype sessions normal?
Yes, it is normal. But working on Skype is a little different than working in person. Still, the perception of a person on the screen and in the same room with you is different. The number of methods that can be used and the information that can be paid attention to during the consultation are limited. For example, it is difficult to track bodily reactions or changes in facial expressions, which are very important for work. There are also technical difficulties that have not been canceled. And the need for the client to provide himself with a safe space where he can freely talk about his difficulties and no one will hear or disturb him. But if you adapt to these conditions, show mutual desire and creative adaptation, then the work can be very effective.
How to prepare for your first meeting with a psychologist?
The first meeting with a psychologist is a difficult matter. There is a lot of anxiety, misunderstanding where to start, what to say, what will happen. There are many doubts: what if he is inadequate? What if he starts offering me some kind of bullshit? What if all this doesn’t help me at all?
If we assume that this is a specialist whom you have already chosen based on publications, recommendations or events, then you already know him a little in absentia. But in absentia - not in person.
So, preparation for the first meeting will be more aimed at making you feel comfortable during the consultation. Think about what you would like to know about the person who will work with you? What is important for you to know about him, his life, his working style? What is important for you to know about the specifics of his consultations and the methods he uses? Think about what you expect from working with a psychologist, what you want to get as a result. What is acceptable for you at work and what is not? This information will help the psychologist understand how to work with you, and will help you understand whether this particular specialist can help or whether you need to turn to another.
As I said, therapy is a very intimate thing, so at the first meeting, carefully monitor your feelings. Nothing should confuse, stress or frighten you. If you understand that for some reason you are uncomfortable, do not like the way the psychologist communicates, what methods he uses, how he reacts, then it is better to find another specialist for yourself. Even an unpleasant room or the feeling “it seems good, but it’s still somehow wrong” is already a reason not to continue working. The point here is not even that the specialist may be unqualified. It's just that his style may not be close to you.
Set your goals
You should see a specialist if you have been experiencing emotions that cause you discomfort for a long time. For example, you are angry at someone and you can’t stop thinking about it. You envy, you get jealous, you get bored, you get upset... And it keeps you too busy. Distracts from other things that would bring joy, and not sow melancholy or anger.
You spend hours looking at your ex's pages or scrolling through your Instagram feed. You drink too much at parties on Fridays. Psychotherapy in this case will mean that you are already tired of wasting time on this. And you are ready to move forward.
When you arrive at the reception, you will definitely be greeted by silence. It is important for a psychologist or psychotherapist to know where you start, what problem you came with. To effectively spend your paid time, identify in advance what exactly is bothering you. You can do this item by item in order of priority.
Do I need to ask the psychologist for any documents confirming his qualifications?
In general, if a psychologist is engaged in private practice, then all documents confirming his qualifications are usually posted in the public domain on the website or its pages on social networks. This is a diploma of higher psychological education, certificates of additional education in psychotherapy and various specializations. If not, but you feel it is important to you, then ask. As I already said, your task here is to ensure maximum comfort for yourself. I would also ask here whether the psychologist has his own personal therapy and whether he accepts supervision. This will give confidence that the specialist has support in his own personal and professional experiences. And this is a guarantee of the quality of his work with you.
Avoid those who make promises
Psychologist, psychotherapist and psychiatrist are three types of specialists to whom we turn for help. Their services are paid differently, and their skills are supported by different levels of education. But they have something in common: neither of them will give you a recipe for happiness. And he won’t say that it’s okay to do it this way, but it’s not. Their task is to study your emotions and experiences, try to find the causes of negative experiences and suggest a trajectory of change.
“We program for success”, “We’ll get you married in 10 days”, “We’ll make you happy in a month” - these phrases should be red flags for you. It is better to ignore such consultations.
If you suffer from unrequited love or are unhappy with a sluggish career, a specialist will teach you how to stop doing this. And start feeling normal, and maybe even happy. Without a partner, without a dream job, but on my own.
Is it possible not to answer those questions that seem awkward to me?
You definitely have the right not to answer awkward questions. The main thing here for me is to talk to the therapist about my experiences, to clarify my reactions with him. Tell the psychologist that the question is awkward or unpleasant for you. This can be very important for therapy, because behind your reluctance to answer there may be some story of yours that still causes pain. Or the opportunity to tell a therapist about what is acceptable for you at work and what is not. This will help build more trusting relationships in which work will be more effective.
There are always two people working in consultations - both a psychologist and a client. The more honest you are in your reactions, the more intense the work will be. Even if you don’t want to answer questions, don’t want to talk to a psychologist, and in general he’s annoying you today. All this makes it possible to explore new sides of yourself and your interaction with people, gain new experience and carry it from the psychologist’s office into life.
Select specialist type
Psychologist-consultant
Graduate of the Faculty of Psychology. He has no medical education. And he has no right to make diagnoses or prescribe medications. Works with mentally healthy people who find themselves in difficult emotional situations, experiencing crises and dissatisfaction with themselves.
A psychologist will study your character and behavior and help you find a way out of specific conflicts in friendship, family or team. In addition to private practice, such specialists can work as consultants in schools and universities, banks, clinics, the army and, for example, in factories.
Psychotherapist
Doctor with postgraduate training or specialization in psychiatry. In comparison, a consulting psychologist looks more superficially and solves only a specific problem. He works with an emotion or behavior that the client is not happy with in himself. People rather come to a psychotherapist with some suffering, for which in therapy they look for the true cause. This requires deeper and longer work.
If the main tool of a consulting psychologist is skills and techniques, the main tool of a psychotherapist is himself.
This is a person who is ready to listen and not judge. He applies his knowledge of psychology to find the true basis of the patient's worries.
Psychiatrist
A doctor who treats mental disorders in cases where there are organic changes. And where a simple conversation will not help the matter.
For example, depression is most often successfully treated by working with a psychotherapist. But sometimes clinical depression is detected, in which the system of reward and dopamine production is disrupted. Then a person is basically unable to experience joy. It is the psychiatrist who diagnoses this and selects medications. So it is with other mental disorders, in which changes occur at an organic level and treatment requires medications.
What should I do if I want to change psychologist? Should I talk about this with my current specialist?
Our needs change over time, and the psychologist we work with may no longer suit our needs. It `s naturally. We may come to the conclusion that we need a psychologist with different input data, for example, a different gender or age. Or maybe we decided that we want a specialist who works in a different approach. Or, in general, our priorities have changed and we now want to pay more attention to work, life goals and take, for example, coaching sessions. When work ends naturally, it ends on positive feelings. You have taken everything you need and are now setting out for a new experience. This is cool!
It's another matter if you want to end therapy feeling irritated and angry. When misunderstanding and stupor arose in the work. Here it is necessary to clarify this with a psychologist. After all, not everything in therapy is as rosy as it might seem at first glance. Sometimes there are so many negative feelings towards a psychologist that they go straight over the edge. For me, this is a bell and a signal that the environment has become safe and the client can now express not only socially acceptable feelings, but also unacceptable ones. This is an important stage of therapy, which necessarily occurs during long-term work. And if the client considers it inappropriate for himself to be with another in such feelings, then he will not express them. Which will create a lot of tension and make work impossible. This doesn't change your right to change therapists, but it can give your work a chance to reach the next level.
But in any case, before you start working with another specialist, you need to end the relationship with the previous one.
Search rules
Let's look at this in more detail. How to choose a good psychologist? The specialist about whom you received primary information must have appropriate education in the field of psychology and medicine. Training programs require that a psychologist, before starting personal practice, undergo a course of personal psychotherapy aimed at solving certain problems from another specialist. The professional must also have constant support in the form of supervision. It includes the opportunity to undergo special therapy for psychologists and search for new solutions when difficulties arise in working with clients. Before entrusting your state of mind to a professional, be sure to ask him about all the important points.
There are no clear recommendations when answering the question of how to choose a psychologist. In this case, you need to focus only on your own feelings. Some people prefer to rely on requests when choosing a specialist. For example, if a woman experiences certain difficulties in building personal relationships, then a male psychologist will be able to help here.
How to choose a psychotherapist? To begin with, try to adequately evaluate the presentation of information about the specialist you are choosing. It is better to avoid professionals with a huge list of various scientific titles, extensive experience on television and millions of subscribers on social networks. Such popularity can characterize a person as an exclusively theoretical specialist. Or perhaps the candidate you are considering simply knows how to present himself well. Most people experiencing problems in their personal lives need a psychologist who will help them find a specific solution to the problem and cope with difficult feelings. The theorist may be confused by the simplest emotions of the patient. Therefore, try to choose not so well-known specialists, but those who are constantly practicing.
These are the first and most basic exclusions you will need to make to narrow down your search. How to choose the right psychologist? There are many factors that must be taken into account. These are age differences and the topic of the situation that worries you. But the main thing in psychotherapeutic work is trusting relationships and good contact. Therefore, if you understand that this is your person, then feel free to stay with him.
How can you tell if a psychologist is behaving unethically?
There are generally accepted rules of professional ethics, for example, confidentiality, clear boundaries in relationships (do not have sex, do not be friends with clients and their relatives, do not ask clients for services), do not work with relatives and friends, do not use clients for your own purposes. Everything is simple with them. If your psychologist has sex with you at a reception, like Jung with his patients, or goes to your home, like Irvin Yalom to his clients, then the general rules of ethics are violated. If he asks you for favors or unnecessarily begins to communicate with you, your friends and relatives outside of receptions, then this is also a violation. Also, if elements of your story, or excerpts from your meetings, are mentioned in publications without your consent, this is also a violation.
It will be more difficult later. Because you need to go from your feelings, because we are discussing something that will be unethical for you personally. For me, this is when a psychologist does something that is unacceptable in my condition now. It’s safer, of course, to discuss such things at the first meeting, rather than discover them by trial and error, although you can’t foresee everything, and this happens. There are a huge number of different methods at work that are suitable for one and not suitable for another. It is important to monitor what suits you and what does not and guide the work of the psychologist. If he does not take into account your interests and wishes, but continues to push through his own, this is unethical.
If you feel that the psychologist is not acting in your interests, but in his own, this is also a violation of ethics.
Criterias of choice
I would like to immediately protect people from thoughtlessly spending money. You cannot trust the first person you meet in such an important matter as taking care of your own mental well-being. Unfortunately, not all specialists understand issues of family life. Some shots may not suit you personally based on certain criteria. There is no need to rush to part with your money after finding the first candidate. When faced with bitter disappointment, you are unlikely to want to gain additional experience with another professional. By deciding to trust the first person you meet, you are undoubtedly putting your mental health at risk. It is better to first study the information thoroughly and then draw conclusions. There is no rush to make a final decision. Choosing a psychologist is not an easy and extremely responsible task. Everything that concerns the subtle sphere of emotions, affects a person’s feelings and experiences, should be used with the utmost caution. Poor quality work can do more harm than help to heal internally.
