Love addiction is a fairly common phenomenon. People often fall into this form of dependence on another person, although in fact they suffer from their own feelings of inferiority. Emotional dependence in a relationship does not allow an individual to live happily, make plans for the future and fully enjoy the results of his achievements. The most interesting thing is that a person susceptible to such addiction constantly builds unhealthy relationships in his life. It’s as if he’s specifically looking for a partner who is guaranteed to make him suffer.
Signs of love addiction
Any form of addiction greatly affects a person’s consciousness. The personality loses its inner strength and ceases to be self-sufficient. A feeling of worthlessness and insignificance gradually develops. A person begins to get the impression that nothing depends on him. Let's take a closer look at the signs of love addiction.
Obsession with partner
Dependence on a partner is expressed in the fact that all thoughts and feelings are constantly focused on a specific object of adoration. An individual is sometimes even ready to humiliate himself in order to receive the coveted portion of attention and affection. Excessive fixation on a specific person is a clear sign of an established love addiction. It seems that life without a loved one will lose all meaning. Very often people do not even understand how humiliated they are, how much they devalue their own personality and do not allow themselves to live a full life. Addiction forces you to beg for love, to do stupid things in order to gain the favor of your chosen one. Often people cannot get out of this state for years, not understanding what is happening to them, and do not take any action to qualitatively improve their lives.
Feeling of insignificance
Love addiction always contributes to the fact that an individual begins to consider himself unworthy of love. He may not say it out loud, but inside he gradually develops a feeling of his own uselessness and restlessness. The fact is that the individual gradually gets used to experiencing more and more disappointments. For this reason, he stops expecting anything good from personal relationships. The feeling of one’s own insignificance really undermines one from within and creates distrust in the outside world. After a difficult breakup with a previous partner, it is difficult for a person to start another relationship, and fear of relationships arises. Why is this happening? This is because the expectation of the next failure settles in the soul, which invariably leads to suffering.
Obsessive need
In the case of love addiction, a person feels a painful attraction to the object of his affection and does not always understand what is the reason for what is happening. An obsessive need for attention is a characteristic sign of addiction. This state is characterized by a constant need to be in the field of view of the object of one’s affection. Often a person generally ceases to be aware of what is actually happening to him. An obsessive need completely subjugates him and forces him to immerse himself in additional experiences.
Constant suffering
Love addiction brings nothing but disappointment. A person cannot be happy while remaining captive of his own fears and doubts. All vital energy is spent only on constantly experiencing repeating events in your life. Any addiction leads to personality degradation. If a relationship has a painful attachment and is based on a feeling of personal inferiority, then it cannot be called healthy. Love addiction brings constant suffering. Over time, a person ceases to trust his own feelings and does not know how to further build his life.
Neurotic jealousy
Another sign that is absolutely impossible not to notice. Relationships based on addiction are characterized by the presence of pathological jealousy. Negative feelings overwhelm the lover and prevent him from realizing the abnormality of such attachment. There are also attempts to control the partner and influence his daily life in every possible way. Strong jealousy does not allow you to look at the situation from the outside and see the obvious truth. Many years may pass before the realization of wasted time comes.
Symptoms and signs of love addiction by which you can recognize it in yourself:
- constant obsessive thoughts about another person, a strong fixation on him, he seems to become the meaning of his whole life.
- the appearance of liveliness when communicating with the “object of addiction”, without him everything is somehow gray and dull, and as soon as he appears, life seems to become very bright, joyful, it seems to take on meaning, when communicating with him there is a feeling of some kind of something of magic, something unreal, but bright and pleasant.
- lack of saturation of communication with a partner, over time you need more and more of it, it is always not enough.
- in the absence of contacts with the object of addiction, the so-called “withdrawal” occurs, i.e. “withdrawal” syndrome like drug addicts.
- what was valuable, interesting and significant before the appearance of a partner ceases to be valuable and have any meaning subsequently.
- in relationships with the object of addiction there are strong swings, then extraordinary euphoria, then the deepest pain and despair, there are no “halftones” in them, everything is either incredibly good (usually at the beginning of a relationship, over time such periods become less and less), or very very bad (such states last longer and longer as love addiction develops).
- the constant presence of symptoms and consequences from adrenaline releases - insomnia, severe fatigue and exhaustion, headaches, pain in the heart, dizziness, rapid heartbeat, body tremors, etc.
- perceiving your partner not as a separate person, but as a part of yourself.
- constant obsessive jealousy of the object of dependence.
- the partner is idealized, and one’s own personality is devalued, the needs and needs of the partner become more significant than one’s own needs.
- strong conscious fear of loneliness and fear of losing a partner, fear that he will leave.
- unconscious fear of close relationships, because of which a partner who is inaccessible for intimacy is chosen for the relationship.
Causes of love addiction
Love addiction always has its own reasons. It’s just that a person does not of his own free will choose suffering for himself as a norm of life. Before you begin to fully work on yourself, you need to carefully understand the current situation. To do this, it is recommended to remain honest with yourself.
Bad experience
Negative experiences in the past usually have their consequences. The feeling of spiritual despair does not actually go away; it forces the individual to close himself even more in his own hopelessness. A bad experience becomes the reason that a person begins to become strongly attached to a partner and at the same time expect inevitable betrayal . Sometimes it becomes quite difficult for people to switch their attention and start living in a new way, guided by their individual beliefs. We all unconsciously look back at previous experiences when starting to build certain relationships.
Diffidence
Low self-esteem often becomes the reason for the formation of love addiction. The less we value ourselves, the less others will do the same. Lack of self-confidence forces an individual to seek support in another person. Of course, there is no understanding that one must take responsibility for one’s own actions. Most people willingly transfer their mistakes onto their partner only because it is easier to justify themselves. Self-doubt quite often provokes unhealthy relationships. Thus, a person tries to compensate for his own feelings of inferiority.
Causes
Love is truly an addiction, but in a normal situation it is associated with receiving positive emotions. Almost every person falls into love at least once in their life. Some manage to quickly cope with the passion that arises if it is not mutual, while others find it quite difficult to overcome the desire to leave the life of a loved but not loving person. What is love addiction? This is a pathological attraction that forces a woman to constantly think about her lover, while completely abstracting from her own interests.
Why addiction to love occurs:
- immaturity of personality;
- unwillingness or inability to take responsibility;
- low self-esteem;
- fear of loneliness;
- fear of change;
- a woman is a victim of physical or sexual violence.
People with seriously damaged psyches are prone to addiction. These individuals cannot recognize the addiction or love they feel, they are often used by scammers and marriage swindlers. This attraction to an object of the opposite sex can be compared to a passion for alcohol, gambling or drugs: it leads to long-term suffering and gives fleeting moments of imaginary happiness. Love addiction is a serious illness, which can be very difficult to cope with on your own.
Treatment of love addiction
To get rid of love addiction, you need to make efforts. The condition itself will not go away; you definitely need to work with it. The quality of treatment depends on the efforts and desires of the person himself. Let's take a closer look at what actions need to be taken.
Awareness of the problem
This is the first step to be taken on the path to full recovery. The more clearly the presence of a problem is realized, the more energy is subsequently generated to solve it. The individual must himself understand the absurdity of his situation, how much he is missing out on his own life. The sooner this happens, the better, the more opportunities there will be for further changes in the situation. Realizing a problem means already solving it to some extent.
Personality development
Love addiction makes people weak and weak-willed. Constant worries take up too much mental and moral strength, sometimes making a person feel unable to influence the situation. Already at the first stage of working on yourself, you must strive to increase your self-esteem. If this is not done, then further attempts to find harmony in the soul will be in vain. You need to find something you like: reading books, creativity, any other areas in which you can have additional achievements. After some time, you will definitely feel better, and you will have a desire to live.
Ending an Exhausting Relationship
Love addiction is an insidious thing. If feelings bring nothing but suffering, then it is already an addiction. You need to find the strength to end an exhausting unhealthy relationship. This is quite difficult to do, especially when there is nothing to strive for and nothing to hope for. At some point, it may indeed seem that there is no point in personal change, but this is not so. You need to find meaning, first of all, for yourself. Love addiction causes damage to other areas of life and prevents a happy comprehension of the realities of reality. Some personal achievements, backed by strong motivation, will help overcome extreme self-doubt. We need to strive to engage more in self-improvement and personal growth.
Meditations
Many people underestimate the power of spiritual practices, but in vain. In such a situation, when there is a love addiction, you must try to gradually accumulate positive energy in yourself. Regular meditation and simple breathing exercises will help restore harmony within yourself and return to normal life. To master the technique of meditation, it must be practiced regularly. Classes should take place at least two to three times a week.
Thus, love addiction definitely needs treatment. A person needs to independently realize that he is moving in the wrong direction. Love addiction devastates you from the inside, makes you feel inferior and hopeless. You can and should definitely fight it, if only to restore your own mental balance.
If you cannot cope with the problem on your own, then you can seek help from the Irakli Pozharisky Psychology Center. Working with a specialist is necessary in order to learn to accept responsibility for yourself, regain your self-esteem, and free yourself from addiction.
What is the difference between love and love addiction?
It is simply impossible to live with illusory feelings for a long time. In order not to undermine your moral health, you need to draw a clear line between love and dependence, and try not to go beyond it. What are the differences between these two feelings?
- When people love, they feel good both together and apart. Dependent individuals feel bad both when they are near and when they are apart.
- Loving women experience extremely positive feelings from their feelings, they try to look good, feel inner harmony and try to surround their loved one with unobtrusive care. In the case of addiction, everything is exactly the opposite: the fear of losing your chosen one does not allow you to relax, constant internal tension affects your appearance, and irritability and anger are repulsive.
- Love usually makes a person successful - he strives for new achievements, his business goes uphill, he is in a positive mood. A dependent lady cannot think about anything other than her lover, so her affairs go badly due to stress, she can quit work or study for the sake of constant presence next to her betrothed.
To truly love a person means to try to make his life pleasant and remain happy yourself. A dependent young lady will clutch at relationships as if they were a saving straw, not allowing herself to change her life for the better and open up new prospects.
Endorphin addiction
Endorphin is called the passion hormone. Its production increases at the moment of physical intimacy with a loved one. Under its influence, a person experiences a feeling of satisfaction and security. The body relaxes, and a feeling of bliss forms in the brain. Due to the pleasant reactions that arise in the body, a person may again and again experience the need for the release of endorphins.
5 steps to get rid of love addiction
This is why endorphin addiction is dangerous. Since endorphin is also produced in response to physical pain, a person may seek a relationship with a harsh and oppressive partner. Such people have a desire to be subjected to violence. They receive inexpressible pleasure from the euphoria that follows. Individuals susceptible to endorphin addiction do not want to break off a vicious relationship with a rapist.
Such relationships sometimes end sadly. People themselves don’t notice how close they are to a tragic outcome. Of course, such a role model has nothing in common with true love, but relationships built on the “tyrant-victim” principle can last for years.
In order not to fall into the trap of one of these addictions, you need to become more aware. People need to understand that they cannot completely surrender to the power of hormones. Of course, we all love with our hearts, but we should not leave our minds aside.
Psychology RUS
How to love correctly? It is probably extremely difficult to answer this question. But you can tell how to love incorrectly. By so-called “wrong love” we mean strong emotional dependence. It is often caused by our hormones and psychological characteristics. It is really not easy to recover from such love. But a clear understanding that you are dependent on a person is already a step towards “recovery”. There are four types of love: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphin. Accordingly, there are four types of love addiction. Let's look into them and see if we are suffering from one of them.
Dopamine love.
This is the same feeling of falling in love that can motivate you to great deeds. That intense love that, according to rumors, lasts three years. Dopamine makes us “get hooked” on a person, making him the object of all our thoughts. Our emotional state during the period of such love is provoked precisely by the release of dopamine in those moments when we see or hear a person special to us. Of course, we need this hormone. It is he who pushes us to action, to the first steps, to courtship, and stimulates us to work on ourselves in order to please that very person.
Dopamine addiction.
It occurs when a person does not develop his relationships and feelings. This dependence is especially typical for those who often change partners. Usually it is important for such people to completely conquer a guy or girl, but with the end of the candy-bouquet period, this love passes, and then the person falls in love again, but with someone else. As a result, dopamine addiction leads to the fact that a person endlessly switches from one object of love to another, burns out, becomes oversaturated with endless crushes, loses interest in love relationships and remains alone.
Serotonin love.
This hormone makes us feel joy from the fact that the object of our sympathy needs us, from the fact that we are attractive and desirable for someone, it is it that gives us a feeling of victory and triumph. Serotonin dampens that crazy love that we experienced thanks to dopamine, it “turns on” our mind, returning us to a sense of stability. However, serotonin can play tricks on us.
Serotonin addiction.
It can appear at a time when a person is too carried away by his victories. At that moment when vanity, which arose due to the fact that someone admires you, overshadows the joy of simple and long-term relationships. This often results in infidelity and endless flirting. There are also cases when a man or woman does not experience sincere feelings for their partner, but does not break off the relationship, since they are held back by “status” in this relationship, a sense of their own importance. Of course, such relationships are a sophisticated and cruel way to increase your self-esteem, stroke your ego, feeling like the center of the universe for your partner.
Oxytocin love.
Oxytocin helps us create a special, trusting intimacy. With its development, we become empathic, gentle, and understanding. This is an incredibly pleasant state, because while in it, we feel one with our loved one and become able to understand him without words. Oxytocin love can be compared to maternal love, since it is the mother who can feel us so subtly.
Oxytocin addiction.
This is the strongest addiction. It occurs when one partner cannot maintain distance from the other. Instead, he gets bogged down in another person, relegating himself to the background. In this case, a person cannot exist without his partner and does everything possible to make his partner need him, thus literally suffocating him. Such relationships hinder the development of both partners.
Endorphin love.
This hormone gives us a pleasant feeling of security, safety, calm and bliss. Endorphin levels increase with physical contact with a loved one. That is why it is also called the passion hormone.
Endorphin addiction.
Endorphin can have an analgesic effect, so it is produced in response to physical pain as a natural “help”. This is where its danger lies. Many people, in order to obtain an endorphin high and euphoria, deliberately cause themselves pain, exhaust themselves with training, and bring the body to exhaustion. Being in endorphin addiction, a person often enters into relationships where a partner can cause him physical pain or subject him to violence. At the same time, he does not want to break up the relationship, since pain is followed by euphoria.
Of course, all of these neurotransmitters are involved in the “love process,” but we need to understand that true love is not just the release of one or more hormones. Behind true love there is always awareness; it is important to be able to love not only with hormones, but also with the mind.
Author: Maria Petrova
