Love addiction

What is the difference between love addiction and love?

The line between feeling and addiction is shaky, but psychologists believe: love develops into addiction if a person puts the object of his passion above himself and is ready to give up his interests for his sake. Within reasonable limits, preference for the partner’s interests over one’s own is normal, but with an excess of emotional one-sided communication, they speak of mental instability and deviations.

“I can’t live without him/her” is a common phrase. In the case of love addiction, this is reality. The refusal of the object of passion to communicate, meet, or have sexual relations leads to deterioration of health, nervous breakdowns, and suicide.
The psychological connection-submission devalues everything except the partner. Communication and spending time together becomes a “dose of drugs” that is constantly needed. When a loved one refuses to communicate, “withdrawal” begins.
Even when you are close and in constant communication with your partner, there is a fear of loss and pain from thoughts of a possible separation.
Positive thoughts and feelings are replaced by negative ones.
Emotions are enhanced by self-hypnosis - convincing oneself of the truth of feelings, the uniqueness and necessity of a loved one.

People who are psychologically weak, fixated on their shortcomings, and are unable or unwilling to develop as a person are prone to love addiction.

Stages

Various types of addictive behavior go through the following stages in their development:

First trial stage. One of the reasons for addictive behavior is a person’s familiarity with an object or action that brings him into a state of euphoria due to the production of dopamine by the brain. At this stage, addiction does not have a pathological impact on the individual and the spheres of his activity.
Addictive rhythm stage. The addict at this stage is still thinking clearly. He understands the danger of addiction, hesitates, but makes a choice in favor of harmful actions. Due to the desire to experience an emotional uplift, a person repeats the actions he likes many times. This leads to a change in the usual rhythm of life. At this stage, addiction is still reversible, however, to normalize the individual’s behavior, consultation with a psychiatrist may be necessary.
Actually addictive behavior. In psychology, this stage was defined as the addict’s denial of his own problem. A person convinces himself that this addictive behavior is his true, absolutely natural need. An addict sees addiction as the only possible way to solve life's problems. For example, he says that he can quit addictive behavior at any time if he wants.
Complete neuroticism and subordination of the personality to addictive behavior. The basic construct of personality is destroyed. Irreversible changes occur in the structure of brain tissue, and the functioning of all body systems is disrupted. The object, action or substance that was chosen by the addict as an alternative to reality no longer brings positive emotions. Signs of asociality appear in a person, a tendency to crime and cruel treatment of loved ones.
Personality degradation. The psychological core and biological essence of man is destroyed. At this stage, addiction and addictive behavior develops into a mental disorder and physiological ailments. Returning to normal life at this stage is no longer possible. Most often, this stage ends with the death of the dependent person.

Stages of addiction formation

Initial – “This is interesting!” . Commitment to certain behavior or actions. Emotions of interest and curiosity dominate. But if necessary, a person can easily abandon this type of activity.
Intermediate – “It’s impossible without this!” . There is an obsessive need to perform certain actions. A person thinks more and more about the subject of his addiction, looking for opportunities to realize his desired behavior. Other activities begin to irritate, even cause aggression. Emotions at this stage are bipolar: from anger, hatred to joy and euphoria. It’s as if a person is swinging on an emotional swing: at first everything is bad, but when addictive behavior is implemented, it immediately becomes great.
The final one is “This is Me!” . Addiction manifests itself in full force. All human thoughts are devoted to addiction. It seems that the individual lives to play, spend money, run, communicate on social networks. Addiction completely consumes a person's life. Because of this, various psychosomatic disorders arise: sleep is disturbed, appetite disappears, and asymptomatic headaches occur. In addition, interpersonal interaction is disrupted. A person no longer needs close people, friends, if they are not related to the subject of addiction, they recede into the background.

What is the destructive nature of addiction ? If we summarize the main consequences, we can highlight the following points:

a person does not control himself;
self-control and self-criticism decreases;
life goals and priorities are distorted;
physical and mental well-being is impaired;
aggressiveness and anxiety appear;
interpersonal connections and relationships collapse;
Labor productivity and academic performance decrease.

Is love addiction a real diagnosis?

Researchers explain the nature of love addiction in different ways. It is often compared with other non-chemical addictions - for example, with gambling addiction, work and sex addiction, etc. There is no separate diagnosis in the ICD, but some psychotherapists refer to F63.8 “Other disorders of habits and drives.”

Craig Nakken writes about a special, “addictive” personality type, which is characterized by addictions as such, and not just one of them.

Psychiatrist and researcher Isaac Marx identified the following criteria for addiction:

At first it may seem that a person is simply passionate about something. A gambler looks like a gambling lover, a sexaholic looks like a temperamental person, a love addict looks like a romantic;
addictions differ in external manifestations (a gambling addict wastes money, a sexaholic finds another partner for one night, etc.);
a craving for “harmful” activities appears (in the case of love addiction - for dreams, fantasies, contacts with the object of addiction, persecution);
tension increases while a person endures and abstains, and subsides for a short time if he “lost it” and still does what he wanted;
after what happened, the addict is ashamed and sad;
after some time, withdrawal symptoms set in - the person wants to repeat the actions taken.

Apparently, the biological mechanisms of chemical and non-chemical addictions are similar: in both cases, addictions are associated with the processing of signals entering the reward system. A lack of dopamine pushes you to seek substances or perform actions (gambling, drugs), which release this hormone and create a feeling of pleasure.

Love addicts often have other psychological problems and illnesses. Some respondents were diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression, low self-esteem and lack of self-understanding.

Might be interesting

The terms “love addiction” and “codependency” are often confused and sometimes used interchangeably. In other cases, only the spouses and children of those who abuse alcohol, drugs, etc. are called codependent. Many love addicts actually grew up in dysfunctional families, but there are also those who find it difficult to reproach their parents, educators and partners for something similar. In specialized literature, codependency is also sometimes understood as “the dependence of two people on each other.”

In another approach, what we call “love addiction” is considered an attachment disorder, which means that Marx’s criteria and corresponding treatment methods are not applicable here. In his videos, Alan Robarge, a psychotherapist who works with deviations of this kind, says that in the case of “dependent” behavior, the root of the problem should not be sought in addictive patterns, but in the fact that in childhood the person’s process of forming a secure attachment was disrupted.

Relationship addiction

There are two types of relationship addictions - love addictions and avoidance addictions, which overlap. They have common underlying conditions: problems with self-esteem, inability to love oneself, difficulties in establishing functional boundaries between oneself and others. Since such persons cannot establish the boundaries of their self, they lack the ability to truly evaluate others. These people have control issues—they allow themselves to be controlled or try to control others. Characterized by obsessiveness in behavior and emotions, anxiety, self-doubt, impulsiveness of actions and deeds, problems with spirituality, difficulty in expressing intimate feelings.

Love addiction is an addiction to a relationship with fixation on another person. Such relationships usually arise between two addicts; they are called coaddictive or codependent. The most typical co-addictive relationships develop between a love addict and an avoidance addict. In such relationships, the intensity of emotions and their extremeness, both positive and negative, come to the fore. In principle, codependent relationships can occur between parent and child, husband and wife, friends, professional and client, etc.

The idea that love relationships can also be addictive was expressed a quarter of a century ago. As noted by T. Timmreck (1990), the term “love addiction” can be applied to individuals who obsessively seek to restore the previous, pleasurable level of relationship with a former love object. Dysfunctional emotional states such as mistrust, feelings of rejection, loss of self, ingrained anger, feelings of failure, loss and a host of other negative emotions and self-destructive behavior patterns arise in the emotionally wounded love addict.

Signs of love addictions described by Ts.P. Korolenko and N.V. Dmitrieva (2000), are as follows:

A disproportionate amount of time and attention is given to the person at whom the addiction is directed.
Thoughts about the “beloved” dominate the mind, becoming an extremely valuable idea. The process has features of obsession, combined with violence, from which it is extremely difficult to free yourself.
The addict is in the grip of experiencing unrealistic expectations in relation to another person in the system of these relationships, without criticism of his condition.
A love addict forgets about himself, stops taking care of himself and thinking about his needs outside of the addictive relationship. This extends to the attitude towards family and friends.
The addict has serious emotional problems, which are centered on fear, which he tries to suppress. Fear is often at the subconscious level. The fear that is present at the level of consciousness is the fear of abandonment. Through his behavior, the addict seeks to avoid abandonment. But on a subconscious level, fear of intimacy is represented. Because of this, the ad-dict is unable to tolerate “healthy” intimacy. He is afraid of being in a situation where he has to be himself. This leads to the fact that the subconscious leads the addict into a trap in which he subconsciously chooses a partner who cannot be intimate. Apparently, this is due to the fact that in childhood the addict failed and experienced mental trauma when showing intimacy with his parents. Signs of avoidance addiction:
Avoidance of intensity in relationships with a significant person (love addict). An avoidant addict spends time in other company, at work, and communicating with other people. He strives to give the relationship with the love addict a “smoldering” character. There is obvious ambivalence in relationships with a love addict - they are important, but he avoids them, does not reveal himself in these relationships.
The desire to avoid intimate contact using psychological distancing techniques. At the level of consciousness, the avoidant addict has a fear of intimacy. The avoidant addict is afraid that if he enters into an intimate relationship, he will lose his freedom and will be under control. On a subconscious level, it is the fear of abandonment. It leads to the desire to restore relationships, but keep them at a distant level.

The process of addiction allows us to distinguish several stages of its development:

A period during which intense emotional experiences will have a positive sign. Dating phase of addicts: The avoidance addict impresses the love addict.
Period of fantasy. There is a connection between previously existing fantasies and a real object, which brings joy and a feeling of liberation from the unpleasant sensations of life as uninteresting and gray. A love addict at the peak of fantasy shows increasing demands on his partner, which contributes to the addict’s avoidance of these relationships.
A period of crisis in relationships. Developing an awareness that all is not well in the relationship. At some stage, the love addict has to admit that he is being abandoned. Withdrawal phenomena appear, which are characterized by depression, dysthymia and indifference. An analysis of what happened begins with the goal of bringing everything back. Relationships are destroyed, but in the future they can be restored either with the same or with a different partner.

In the relationships of addicts, there are no healthy boundaries, without which intimacy between partners and recognition of the right to one’s own life are impossible. This leads to them accusing each other of being dishonest, using sarcasm, exaggeration and insults.

At the same time, the love addict and the avoidance addict are drawn to each other due to complementary psychological characteristics. Despite the fact that the traits that attract someone else may be unpleasant and cause emotional pain, they are familiar from childhood and resemble the situation of childhood experiences. An attraction to someone familiar arises. Both types of addicts usually do not get carried away by “non-addicts.” They seem boring and unattractive to them; they don't know how to behave with them.

There are factors that contribute to the attraction of love addicts to avoidance addicts:

the appeal of what is familiar;
the attractiveness of the situation, which contains the hope that “childhood wounds” can be healed at a new level;
the attractiveness of the possibility of realizing fantasies created in childhood.

Definition 1

Love addiction (dependence) is a type of additive behavior with fixation on another person, which is characterized by interdependent relationships.

For addicted people, love is suffering and pain. Korolenko Ts.P. and Dmitrieva N.V. There are three types of relationship addictions - love, sexual and avoidance, in contact with each other. The prerequisites for their occurrence are common - problems with self-esteem, inability to love oneself, difficulties in establishing functional boundaries between oneself and others. Such people cannot really evaluate those around them, because they are not able to set the boundaries of their “I”. The peculiarity of such people is obsessiveness in behavior, emotions, anxiety, lack of self-confidence, problems with spirituality, difficulties in expressing intimate feelings.

Addictive relationships arise between two addicts and are called co-addictive or codependent. The development of co-addictive relationships occurs in a love addict with an avoidance addict. In such relationships, the intensity of emotions, their extremeness, both in a positive and negative sense, comes to the fore.

According to Korolenko and Dmitrieva, codependent relationships can arise between friends, between a parent and a child, between a husband and wife, etc.

The term “love addiction,” T. Timmrek believes, is applicable to persons seeking to restore the previous level of relationship with a former love object.

Foreign studies show that 62-75% of adults experience experiences of “passionate”, “unrequited” love to one degree or another. However, such a high prevalence of love addictions has not become the object of extensive scientific research. In addition, a unified understanding of the nature, clinical dynamics, psychopathology, therapeutic approaches and prevention is currently lacking.

Love addictions are considered a form of disease of non-chemically dependent behavior. They have the following clinical manifestations:

the desire to repeatedly commit behavioral acts is difficult to control;
the ability to control these actions is reduced;
actions do not have a clear rationalization of motives and cause psychological, social, legal damage to both the patient and his environment;
there is a preoccupation with the realization of an abnormal drive.

Korolenko and Dmitrieva believe that the signs of love addictions are as follows:

The thought of a “beloved” person dominates the mind all the time and all attention is paid only to him, so the process has the features of obsession and it is very difficult to get rid of it; The addict, in relation to another person, is completely at the mercy of experiencing unrealistic expectations; A love addict has serious emotional problems because he forgets himself and stops thinking about his needs outside of the addictive relationship. At the center of the problems is fear, which he tries to suppress - this is the fear of being abandoned and with his behavior he does everything to avoid abandonment

Gradual development of love addiction

Love addiction can develop as follows.

A feeling of euphoria occurs after the first meetings with a partner. At first, the addict feels inspired when communicating with the object of desire, but pain when he is not around. Among women, individuals who adhere to this model of behavior are more common.
Next comes the stage of discrepancy between reality and the desired. The partner no longer meets the parameters of the ideal; there is constantly too little communication with him. What brought joy yesterday no longer evokes positive emotions. The result is the destruction of ideals, since it’s bad without a partner, but not better with him. The immediate anticipation of the meeting is the most joyful period of this stage. Afterwards, the dependent person becomes disappointed and then strives to make his partner fit his own ideal. Most often, disappointment, despair, desire for revenge, anger, jealousy, fear of loss, and guilt are manifested.
Often relationships of this kind become smoldering. Final breaks, after which happy reunions take place, turn into a vicious circle lasting for many years. Against the prevailing background of loneliness, misunderstanding, resentment, pain, as well as depletion of vitality, only short-term, rare outbreaks of euphoria appear.

Consequences

Love addiction is more common among women. Over the course of their lives, they spend several years depending on one or another on different people, flattering themselves with hopes of finding an ideal soul mate and true love.

Among men, the consequences of addiction to romantic relationships in the vast majority of cases manifest themselves somewhat differently. Having experienced pain once, they are disappointed in love, strive to avoid such experiences, and try with all their might to keep the situation under control. On a subconscious level, they begin to take revenge on the opposite sex, seeking love, taming a partner, and then abandoning them without reason.

Over time, this behavior among men becomes conscious; they strive to avoid the mistakes of the past. As a result, a man is unable to experience sincere intimacy, get to know himself through relationships, or gain energy for self-realization or creativity. The reason for this is the deprivation of vital energy, depletion of potential due to love addiction.

Having experienced love of this kind once, a man (less often a woman) no longer believes in love, which can really give energy, peace, harmony, and the desire for self-realization. If an addict feels calm and joyful with a partner, these emotions become insufficient, since there is no tension or thrill. The addict begins to behave like a drug addict, looking for more and more repeated meaningless connections.

Differences between love and addiction

Love addiction is a strong passion. It is a psychological problem. Many people mistake addiction for true love and do not know how to overcome this feeling. In fact, there is a difference between addiction and love.

The first causes a desire to keep the other half under control, and is characterized by a strong feeling of jealousy. The second is trust in your loved one.
With love addiction, there is a desire to live not your own life, but the object of adoration, needs fade into the background. The main thing is the desire of the partner. After some time, a woman begins to notice shortcomings in her beloved, but is no longer able to part with him. This condition is often characterized by lack of self-confidence. In love, the needs of both partners remain.
Love leaves individuality behind people when, in dependence, one person demands from another to become the way he sees him.
If this is love, then the couple spends time together, both enjoy it, and get bored when apart. With addiction, suffering begins in the very first hours of separation.
Love influences the development of a person as an individual and allows him to improve himself. If there is an addiction, then the addict loses himself as a person and becomes confused. Often addiction turns out to be unrequited, feelings are only on one side.

Love or Addiction

Love addiction is characterized by an insatiable need for love, exorbitant demands on a partner, as well as pathological jealousy, and there are also other signs.

healthy love relationships presuppose the presence of personal space, their own interests, their own circle of friends for each of the partners who treat each other with understanding and respect;
with love addiction, the feelings of men or women are really intense, but the nature of their occurrence is not in the desire to know each other, but rather in despair. A person, left alone, no longer perceives himself as an integral person, feels dependent on his partner, and there is no emotional comfort. The addict is tormented by disorientation; there is no reason to live. These are signs of a destructive condition.

The key problem of building a relationship with an addicted person is degradation, as well as the lack of personal growth of both partners. What, according to dependent women or men, is love is actually a destructive, frozen relationship where there is no real intimacy, the illusion of love is not paramount, and the addict’s partner only provides him with confidence and calm.

How to get rid of love addiction

Overcoming addiction is quite difficult, since a person does not understand that his behavior is destructive and is not accepted by society. Because relationships often feel like they support the other person's life, they become a way of self-actualization. In such a situation, the individual understands that his behavior does not fit into any framework, but he is simply not able to change it in a few days.

It is important to note that when codependent relationships are formed, there is a deterioration in rational thinking. In such a situation, only a well-designed rehabilitation program can help.

First of all, a person must fully understand the problem, and also learn to see the difference between adequate and deviant behavior.

To reduce the impact of addiction on one’s own life with subsequent elimination, a person needs to find an alternative to codependent relationships

For example, concentrate your attention on creative activities or solving everyday problems. As a rule, some people begin to actively attend additional sections, remember old dreams and plans for which they constantly did not have enough time

This could be learning a foreign language, traveling, new hobbies. However, awareness of one's own worth should occur at least as a concomitant factor. If self-esteem remains at a low level, then additional classes and recreational activities will only be a temporary measure and will not completely solve the problem.

If independent attempts do not bring any positive results, then it is advisable to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist for competent advice. Practical training with a specialist will speed up the recovery process and quickly improve the patient’s well-being.

Types of addictions

There are many manifestations of addictive behavior. In order to somehow streamline the classification of addictions, it is customary to divide them according to the object of need into three main classes:

Object of addiction	Types of addiction
Chemical or synthetic substance	Chemical: alcoholism, drug addiction, smoking, drug addiction
Food	Nutritional: anorexia, bulimia
Concrete objects, subjects, abstract concepts	Non-chemical: Internet addiction, religious, sports addiction, relationship addiction, shopaholism, gambling addiction, etc.

Next, we will consider each type of addiction in more detail.

Chemical addiction

This dependence is different in that its implementation occurs both at the psychological and physiological levels. The source of addiction becomes a certain substance, on the basis of which the addiction is formed. For example, ethanol for alcohol addiction, nicotine for smoking, amphetamine for drug addiction. This also includes drug addiction – a pathological craving for taking certain medications.

How to get rid of it?

Due to the fact that chemical addiction occurs in a certain environment, you should radically change your social circle and your behavior. Often a person is not able to do this on his own; he needs help. An excellent rehabilitation program is the 12 Steps training, which you can sign up for in almost any major city.

The addictive chemical should be completely eliminated. Half doses, 1 cigarette a day do not work here, but only aggravate the addiction and can lead to a breakdown.

Food addiction

This type of addiction is similar in content to chemical addiction, but the reactant here is food. Dependent people go to two opposite extremes: they either refuse to eat (but only think about it) or overeat to the point of vomiting.

The first manifestation of food addiction leads to anorexia, i.e. increased thinness, exhaustion; the second is a manifestation of bulimia, a strong passion for disorderly eating.

For reference! We can talk about food addiction when such symptoms appear within 14 days, or when attacks occur several times a month.

How to get rid of it?

It is quite difficult to overcome food addiction on your own, because... Eating is a familiar ritual for every person. Addicts after complex attacks are in the hospital under the supervision of doctors. After this, it is important for them to undergo six-month rehabilitation in special centers or with psychotherapists who deal with this issue.

Non-chemical addiction

The most complex type of addiction, because this dependence is not associated with the specific substance that causes it, but is caused by abstract concepts and actions, which are quite difficult to track.

The spectrum of non-chemical addiction is very broad:

gaming addictions (gambling addiction);
erotic (Internet erotomania, sexual addiction);
social addictions (workaholism, sports addiction, relationship addiction, shopaholism, religious addiction);
technological addictions (Internet addiction, gadget addiction, television addiction (addiction to regular TV viewing).

How to get rid of it?

The addict must accept the fact that he has problems and is having difficulty managing his life. After this, he should outline a clear plan of his actions to overcome addiction. Mandatory points of this plan should be the help of a psychologist, clear time control for each type of activity, a healthy lifestyle, communication with loved ones who are aware of the problem and are able to provide support and assistance.

Attention! Addiction is like a two-faced Janus. When one is overcome, another may arise. It’s just that a person is used to being dependent and tends to “get stuck” on certain actions. For example, in order to overcome computer addiction, he begins to actively engage in sports, and misses the moment when he can no longer go a day without going to the gym, and a sports addiction or exercise addiction arises.

It is important to know this feature of addictions and prevent the emergence of new addictive behavior.

Relationship addiction

This type of non-chemical addictive behavior is characterized by a commitment to personal relationships that significantly reduce a person’s quality of life. Causes of occurrence: reduced self-esteem, inability to love and accept oneself, problems in establishing psychological boundaries.

There are three subtypes of relationship addiction:

love;
sexy;
avoidance addiction.

Let's take a closer look at each of these types of addiction.

Love addiction

Love addiction is characterized by excessive passion for the beloved, inflated demands and expectations for the nature of the relationship, and affective manifestations.

It usually occurs in relation to an avoidance addict, which makes it even worse.

Sexual addiction

Such dependence is hidden, it is not customary to talk about it in society. But, nevertheless, it destroys a person’s life and can harm health.

Sexual addiction is a dependence on certain sexual behavior. It leads to the fact that a person leads a double life, suffers from remorse, experiences guilt and shame. Such addictions include relationships with unfamiliar partners, spontaneous group sex, staging rape, etc.

Avoidance addiction

Remember the movie "Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts? The main character personifies the avoidant addict.

Such a person unconsciously takes pleasure in suffering and destruction of relationships. He either seduces and attracts to himself, or repels. This game gives him pleasure. But a person cannot establish normal relationships with others, and suffers from this.

Love addiction and avoidance addiction are interconnected, so general advice is given for them on how to get rid of such destructive relationships:

grow up (relationship addicts are infantile people who do not take responsibility for their lives and decisions, you should learn this);
increase self-esteem; overcome childhood psychological traumas and complexes;
learn to communicate effectively, express yourself in interactions, and speak sincerely about your feelings.

Therefore, love addiction and avoidance addiction can be treated, and for this the person himself must become a healer for himself.

Relationship addiction: How to get rid of it?

It should be taken into account that a relationship that is overly dependent on the other becomes codependent. It is a kind of emotional addiction, because... a person, through some interaction with a partner, strives to experience a certain range of feelings.

The way out of codependency, love addiction and other relationship addictions lies in the ability to destroy the emotional connection, change your feelings, and learn to control them. A special program was developed by V. Moskalenko.

In the training group, people learn to recognize their feelings and respond to them, set psychological boundaries, increase self-esteem, and get rid of the victim mentality.

Addiction that cannot be controlled is dangerous.
KARIN ALVTEGEN. SHAME

Internet addiction

This type of addiction refers to non-chemical, technological addictions. Internet addiction is a pathological desire to be on the Internet. Virtual space provides a person with a wide field of action.

Based on what exactly a person does online, Internet addicts are divided into the following types:

Internet gamblers (play games online);
Internet workaholics (work online);
Internet sexaholics (get erotic pleasure on the Internet);
Internet shopaholics (they make purchases in online stores);
Internet communicators (communicate on social networks, on forums).

Internet addiction as a type of deviation carries serious consequences for a person. Real communication is disrupted, the addict becomes aggressive and anxious, vision deteriorates, and problems with sleep and digestion arise.

Internet addiction is the most dangerous among teenagers, because... At this age, the influence of the virtual environment is especially harmful.

The worldview of the younger generation is still being formed, but teenagers already consider themselves adults, so destructive ideas find fertile ground.

Internet addiction among adolescents and young adults can be overcome through early prevention. It should be carried out by peers, because teenagers trust only equals.

Close in content to Internet addiction is gadget addiction - this is a pathological dependence on mobile devices and devices. Usually, it is through gadgets that access to the Internet is achieved, so these two types of addiction are interconnected.

How to get rid of it?

It is important for an Internet addict to clearly plan the day and stick to this schedule. The daily routine must include at least 8 hours of sleep, 2 hours of eating, 1 hour of physical activity in the fresh air. You can only be on the Internet for a certain time, after which access must be blocked. For this purpose, special programs or the involvement of relatives and friends can be used.

But it is important to understand the origins of the problem. Addiction in psychology is always considered as a signal that a person is missing something in life. Through Internet addiction a person tries to compensate for this. You need to figure out what addiction gives you and how it can be implemented in life differently.

Alcohol addiction

Alcoholism is a type of chemical addiction. Alcohol addiction does not occur immediately, but goes through 3 stages. At first, a person only tries alcohol, gets pleasure from it or other vivid emotions. He wants to repeat these feelings.

This behavior is addictive, but in addition, it becomes addictive on a physiological level. Not a single holiday is complete without alcohol, and people begin to spend their leisure time with a glass of beer or cocktail. Then a hangover occurs, which has to be relieved with a new dose of alcohol.

The extreme manifestation of alcoholism - the third stage - is already characterized by the degradation of a person’s personality, when his vital functions are disrupted and his health deteriorates significantly. He is unable to live without alcohol, nor can he get rid of his addiction on his own.

Alcohol addiction in children and adolescents develops rapidly, because... the body has an accelerated metabolism. Alcohol is contraindicated at a young age!

How to get rid of it?

The ways to overcome alcohol addiction are the same as for all types of chemical addictions. It should be remembered that prevention plays an important role, i.e. knowledge about the dangers of alcohol, the consequences of alcoholism for the body.

Religious addiction

Faith in God is a wonderful quality of a person that sets him apart from the world of living nature. However, sometimes religiosity, as adherence to a particular religious organization, reaches fanatical manifestations.

This problem is especially acute now, when many non-traditional religious movements have appeared that use various manipulative psychotechniques to attract admirers.

In this regard, it is religious addiction that poses the greatest danger to a person and his loved ones, because significantly influences the consciousness of the individual.

Religious addicts themselves, unlike ordinary believers, are extremely intolerant of other religious movements, behave aggressively with those who condemn them, and have a different view of the world.

How to get rid of it?

The difficulty of rehabilitation lies in the fact that only the person himself is able to overcome addiction. For religious addicts, such a need arises only when their religious position completely collapses, which happens quite rarely.

Only a person very close and dear to him or a fairly strong, charismatic leader can influence such a person.

This process is lengthy and takes at least six months. They provide assistance to religious addicts in special closed rehabilitation centers.

https://youtu.be/p7Zbr1M4igs

Urgent addiction

Urgent addiction is a dependence that is expressed in an internal feeling of constant lack of time.

An urgent addict has the following features:

the desire to control everything;
shouldering unbearable professional demands;
inability to refuse superiors;
inability to enjoy the current moment of life, but at the same time ignoring the mistakes of the past and fear of the future;
violation of interpersonal relationships.

A particular manifestation of urgent addiction is workaholism. It manifests itself as dependence on professional activity. Urgent addiction also includes addiction to power - the desire to subjugate other people, to be a leader.

How to get rid of it?

It is believed that in order to overcome urgent addiction, one should learn to live and enjoy the present.

A person who enjoys life, even if he does not manage to achieve anything professionally, is much happier than someone who works 24 hours a day.

How to recognize addiction

Addiction differs from infatuation in that it does not provide any benefit to personal development. It causes damage to social life, relationships with loved ones, and prevents you from revealing your potential. Passionate person:

has a wide range of interests;
maintains a balance between work and rest;
has broad social connections and is on good terms with loved ones;
makes a choice in favor of his main job, family and friends.

Dependent person:

loses social connections, is in conflict with loved ones;
often devotes all his free time to one activity;
suffers failures in his career and personal life, not having the strength to give up the object of addiction;
denies the existence of addiction;
when the object is unavailable, he falls into dysphoric or depressive states.

If there is a suspicion that a person has an addiction, it is necessary to try to take action. The longer an addictive person is in the grip of his addiction, the more difficult it is to get rid of it.

Is it possible to get rid of addiction in a relationship?

Human life can be roughly divided into three zones. The first zone is love, family, emotional attachments, just what we used to call relationships.

The second zone is the sphere of security and biological, bodily needs. This includes various pleasures: from solitude, a beautiful sunset, delicious food, healthy sleep, luxurious cosmetics, a good movie. This is the self-care zone.

The third area is achievements. Here are our ambitions, the need for recognition, self-realization, creativity, and career. The pleasure of social status and, to some extent, power over other people is also in this zone.

It will be effective not to get rid of it, but to develop other zones, redirect your attention, and “grow” other parts of your personality. Do you think that the meaning of life is only in love, in creating a beautiful and lasting couple? Look for it in your career, at work, in new creative projects

Do you think that the meaning of life is only in love, in creating a beautiful and lasting couple? Look for it in your career, in your work, in new creative projects.

Sooner or later, recognition from others will give you a rush of missing endorphins.

Are you sure that only next to a man in a serious relationship can you feel fulfilled and whole? Start paying attention to other pleasures in life. Pamper yourself, start walking and nurturing your body, learn to live leisurely, savoring every minute, the taste of every bite of food and sip of drink

Pamper yourself, start walking and nurturing your body, learn to live leisurely, savoring every minute, the taste of every bite of food and sip of drink.

At first, everything will seem bland and “not the same.” But here, like with the habit of drinking or smoking, you have to endure the “withdrawal” in order to then feel all the facets of a full-fledged existence.

Fortunately, with the right approach, emotional addiction is easier to overcome than chemical addiction.

At the same time, it is important for you to learn to independently satisfy your emotional needs, to become your own “loving mother”, and not to look for this function in a partner

Treatment of addiction

None of the addictions go away on their own, neither physical nor psychological. A person’s inaction, lack of control, unwillingness to fight addiction can lead to very sad consequences, which are sometimes simply irreversible. In very rare cases, a person with an addiction is able to ask for help, but most are unable to critically assess their current condition. Especially those with psychological addictions - gambling addiction, food addiction, shopaholism - do not understand the real scale of their disorder.

In some cases, it happens that several signs of addictive behavior are observed, but only a psychiatrist competent in this field can accurately determine whether this is the case. As a result of a detailed conversation with the patient, collecting family history, detailed information about the patient’s life and personality, the doctor concludes that there is addictive behavior. In the process of such diagnosis, the doctor carefully observes the client’s behavior during a conversation, in which he may notice characteristic markers of addictive behavior, such as stuck speech or reactivity, negative statements in his direction, and others.

The main method of treating addictions is psychotherapy. If the addiction is very serious and long-term, for example, drug or alcohol addiction, then the patient may still need to be hospitalized to detoxify the body.

The direction of family psychotherapy (strategic, functional, structural) is used to a greater extent, since the manifestation of addictive behavior most often occurs under the influence of an unfavorable growing up environment, in particular, family troubles. The psychotherapeutic process is aimed at identifying the factors that caused deviant behavior, normalizing family relationships, and developing an individual treatment plan.

Prevention of addictions will be much more effective if started on time. The first stage in the early prevention of addiction is the diagnostic stage, at which the tendency of children to deviant behavior is identified; it should be carried out in educational institutions.

Prevention of addictions is of great importance if it is carried out at school. Children need to be told what types of addiction exist, the causes of their occurrence and consequences. If a child is aware of the damaging effects that chemical addiction can have, he or she will be less likely to want to use alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs.

The example of parents plays a big role. If parents do not have bad habits, but lead a healthy, fulfilling lifestyle and raise their children in the same spirit, then the likelihood of addictions in the child is low. If a child is brought up in a dysfunctional family where alcohol is abused, he has a high probability of becoming an addict.

Conversations between parents and children about problems, support in difficult situations, understanding and accepting the child for who he is will help avoid the child’s desire to leave the real world for the imaginary one.

The second stage of preventing addictive behavior involves preventing the involvement of children, in particular adolescents, in various forms of addiction, both chemical and non-chemical. At the same stage, information is provided on methods of combating anxiety, bad mood and stress, and training in communication techniques is provided.

The next stage in rehabilitation is the correctional stage, at which the correction and destruction of bad habits and addictions occurs. Corrective work must take place under the supervision of a qualified specialist (psychotherapist).

Prevention of addictions can be individual or group. In group classes, personal growth techniques and trainings are used, which involve the correction of certain negative characteristics of the individual and his behavior.

If a person, after a course of treatment, has gotten rid of harmful addictions, measures should be taken for his social adaptation in society, taught techniques for interacting with people, leading an active life, and preventing relapses.

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Treatment of love addiction

Getting rid of psychological addiction is a long and labor-intensive process. You should not rely on one psychotherapist. For successful healing, the patient must show not only initiative, but also activity in the treatment of love addiction, a desire to understand its underlying causes, and find ways to constructively solve pressing problems.

Unfortunately, love addiction is exactly what it is quite difficult to recover from on your own. We should start with the fact that a dependent person is inside a system of relationships, in a state of pain/euphoria, and sometimes it is difficult for him to look at the situation soberly, and an impartial view from the outside is very valuable here.

Psychotherapy for love addiction involves two interrelated methods:

individual consultations aimed at correcting the patient’s distorted ideas about himself since childhood;
group classes that allow you to get rid of an overvalued feeling by comparing it with the experiences described by group participants.

In the process of treatment and deep self-analysis, it is important for the patient to learn to love himself, feel and protect the boundaries of his “I,” and trust the world and himself.

LiveJournal

Pedantry
Psychology of a neurotic
Consultation with a psychologist

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How does psychotherapy work?

Our psyche is structured in such a way that, being from inside the situation, we do not see the whole picture. The three-dimensional diagram can only be seen by a person from the outside.

In addition, one of the most serious problems of addicted people is such psychological defense as denial. That is, a woman may not be aware of her dependent patterns, although she has actually been living in a situation of abuse for a long time.

Sometimes only a psychologist, another person, will help you see reality without denial and idealization.

Dependence is formed in childhood, due to developmental trauma received in relationships with the most important person in life - the mother.

Such trauma can also be transformed only in a relationship - but with another person who will demonstrate models of stable, secure and trusting attachment.

The best way to learn healthy relationships is through regular practice.

Are you addicted to your relationship?

Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase

Avoidance addiction

In most cases, the chosen one of a love addict is his soul mate - an avoidance addict. Their mutual attraction is based on a common psychological platform formed in childhood. When they meet, both have a feeling of a “soul mate,” which does not happen when contacting non-addicts who seem boring and uninteresting.

Avoidance addiction exhibits the following symptoms:

escape from intensity in a relationship with a love addict;
fear of intimacy, which is based on the fear of losing freedom and becoming controlled;
distancing from the beloved object, the “smoldering” nature of contacts with him.

There are 5 stages in the development of avoidance addiction:

Meeting a love addict that brings intense positive emotions.
Idealization of a partner, bringing an illusory feeling of joyful liberation from the melancholy of a gray life.
The emergence of a feeling of pressure, excessive demands on the part of the love addict.
The first attempts to get rid of the partner’s obsession, both plunge into depression and apathy from the understanding of the impossibility of being together.
Restoring broken relationships, then running away again - and so on ad infinitum.

6) Strive for progress, not perfection

As I said before, breaking free from love addiction and the accompanying compulsive behavior patterns is not an easy task. The transformation process may seem very slow.

You need to learn to accept your own failures, mistakes and wrong steps (without blaming yourself or being ashamed of yourself), while at the same time focusing on the next step, striving for the next global goal indicated in your action plan. You must always remember that sometimes in the recovery process you take two steps back and only one step forward. In fact, in real life, when a person strives for some positive goal, there are always some ups and downs. However, your determination and perseverance will definitely help you achieve your goal. You need to admit that there is a problem and accept the fact that the path to getting rid of love addiction is very thorny and bumpy. You need to always remember that recovery is not about striving for perfection; at its core, it is about gradual progress and moving forward.

… Progress, not perfection

There is no place for guilt and shame in recovery, as these emotions trigger a negative guilt/shame spiral that feeds the very existence of addiction and unhealthy attachments. We suffer from guilt when we think we have done something wrong. When we are ashamed of ourselves, we consider ourselves a bad person, an inferior and inadequate individual who has no place on this earth at all. In the case of love addiction, the feeling of shame manifests itself in full force. If we make a mistake or go astray, it is shame that begins to whisper to us that all the efforts you make are worthless, you will never achieve your goal, the situation will never change...

... I apologize in advance for the expressive language, but all this is complete bullshit! Shame is inherently toxic, it poisons your life and is a whole set of false beliefs, examples of distorted perceptions and complete nonsense. If you strive for full recovery, you need to openly confront these feelings - both guilt and shame.

Alexey Khmelev

As always, it all begins in childhood, when the foundations of the personality structure are laid. In the first years of his life, a child depends on his parents, which is completely normal. They provide him with a sense of stability, security, and reliability. If an adult is constantly available, then the child feels safe and ready to explore the world.

If we expand this theory a little, then we can conditionally distinguish three types of interaction between a child and significant adults: safe (when an adult shows adequate care in accordance with the situation), anxious-ambivalent (where an adult is selectively available, and the child gets used to the idea that the world will not always be kind to him) and, finally, anxious-avoidant (when a child feels useless and abandoned, faced with a dismissive or openly aggressive and rude attitude towards himself from an adult).

As a rule, it is the representatives of the second and third models of upbringing who tend to develop love addiction in the future.

The very first experience gained at the beginning of life determines a lot, including a person’s self-esteem, his expectations from other people and the ability to create and maintain successful, harmonious relationships. Thus, success or failure at the initial stage of life, literally the experience of the first relationship, lays down exactly the behavioral model that, having matured, a person will implement in life.

Based on my own considerable experience in counseling on this issue, I can regretfully admit that love addiction is almost more widespread in modern society than drug addiction, it’s just not always as clearly noticeable. What does it mean to suffer from love addiction? Read the list of statements below. If you suddenly feel that one of the statements resonates sharply inside you, as if a sharp toothache pierced you, then perhaps you should think about it.

So, do you think that:

My happiness and well-being depends on loving another person.
My self-esteem, self-esteem and self-respect depend on how much another person loves, supports and cares for me.
Another person's disapproval or rejection of me means that I am not good enough.
I cannot make myself happy, only another person can do that.
The strongest emotions in me are caused by how another person treats me.
Other people are responsible for my feelings. So if someone truly loves me and cares about me, then he or she will never do anything that hurts or upsets me.
I can't be alone. I feel like I'll just die if I'm left alone.
When I feel hurt or offended, it’s someone else’s fault.
It is the responsibility of other people to make me feel good, to praise me and to support me in everything.
I'm not responsible for my feelings. Others make me feel happy, cheerful and cheerful, or vice versa, sad and sad. When I get angry, it means that someone else made me angry, so now let him/her correct himself and apologize for offending me.
I am not responsible for my behavior. It is other people who make me scream, get angry, go crazy, suffer, laugh, cry, be aggressive.
Other people act selfishly if they do what they want instead of what I want or need.
If I'm not in a relationship with someone, I'll die.
I cannot bear loneliness on my own. This causes me pain and leads to despair, a feeling of abandonment and uselessness in this world.

Living in love addiction is very difficult. You will have to control your behavior, words, actions and deeds in order to avoid disapproval and get your “dose” of love, attention and care. Feeling like a constant roller coaster. In one second, the situation changes from joy and happiness when you are given attention and care, to almost complete despair when you are rejected, showing coldness and indifference.

Reasons for formation

Such unhealthy feelings are based on human psycho-emotional problems. Love addiction can be compared to drugs and alcohol, which gradually lead a person to self-destruction. Psychologists believe that dependence on relationships most often occurs in people who do not believe in themselves and their strengths, and have suffered from low self-esteem since childhood. Not having the opportunity to realize themselves, they try to do this with the help of all-consuming feelings for another person.

Emotional dependence in relationships arises from a lack of love in childhood, as a result of strict control by parents, experienced violence, mental trauma, lack of self-confidence, complexes, and fear of loneliness.
A person’s beliefs have a huge impact on the formation of addiction.
Very often, an addict believes that he does not deserve better, he is too old to find a new partner or, and living alone is humiliating.
An important role is played by moral beliefs that are instilled from childhood, when the mother convinces her daughter that she must endure and save the family by any means for the sake of the children.

In order for the treatment of love addiction to be successful, it is important to understand what reasons underlie the emergence of painful attachment and why a happy relationship developed into manic attachment

Signs of love addiction

Experts have identified symptoms of addiction.

Inability to get ready

The day passes while waiting for a call, all important matters are relegated to the tenth plan. Previous interests and hobbies do not arouse any interest.

Persistent thoughts

The image of a loved one does not leave day or night. You constantly think about meeting him and begin to suffer terribly if the meeting does not take place. Even more frightening are the thoughts of the appearance of a rival or rival. This is where the real hysteria happens. You frantically think about how to ask this and what to do.

Nervousness

If a person does not meet the object of his desire for a long time, he begins to get nervous about every occasion, things fall out of hand. His loved ones do not understand him and he moves away from them.

Depression

Depression, even severe depression, are frequent accompaniments of this condition. A dependent person, if he does not experience reciprocity, falls into despair, begins to look for flaws in himself, and even tries to correct them.

He is accompanied by a disgusting mood. To bring him back to life, just a conversation or a call from the object of passion is enough.

These signs can be observed in both women and men. But most often women suffer, as they have more gentle and romantic natures.

When a woman is in love, she is ready to dissolve in her chosen one. But if there is no reciprocal feeling, disappointment and pain sets in. The stronger the feeling, the more painful the heartache.

What is love addiction?

Why have divorces and separations between men and women become so common? We are often talking about love addiction, which always leads to a distorted relationship, lack of stability and happiness, which provokes a break in the union. What is love addiction?

Love addiction refers to the insane attachment of one person to another. In simple words, this is called addiction, when one loves so much that he cannot forget, leave, get rid of his love, or build a relationship with another partner. With an incorrect understanding of the essence of love, low self-esteem and a negative attitude towards oneself, a person becomes prone to love addiction.

This phenomenon has many manifestations, by which it can be recognized. It should be understood that love addiction can equally manifest itself in both men and women. How to distinguish it from sincere love? A warm feeling is understood as a person’s good-natured attitude towards his partner, whom he wishes happiness and contributes to this in every possible way. Love addiction manifests itself in:

Crazy for love.
Boundless jealousy.
The desire to always be close to your partner.
Impatience.
Irritability if a loved one does not call back or does not answer the call immediately.
Controlling and limiting your partner’s contacts.
The desire to know where and with whom he is.
Inability to destroy a relationship with a partner with whom he feels bad, because even at the thought that they might separate, he feels bad, he begins to get bored, and wants to reunite again.

Are you familiar with such signs that can be noted in almost every second couple? Next, let's look at the main differences between true love and love addiction in order to understand how it manifests itself:

Addiction is characterized by suffering and pain.
Love - “we feel good both together and apart.” Addiction – “at the beginning of a relationship, we feel good together and feel bad apart; after several months or years we feel bad both together and apart.”
With true love, a person feels confidence, stability, warmth and security. With addiction, a person most of the time experiences anxiety, uncertainty, worry, fears, jealousy, anger, doubts, envy, and irritation towards the partner.
In a love relationship, partners are equal: they both give, receive, act mutually and as equals. With addiction, there is one who loves and one who allows love, there is a dominant and a submissive. The one who loves tries to earn the love of his partner, does everything for his sake, submits, bends down, becomes the initiator of spending time together, gives more, receiving in return either small change or nothing at all.

Love addiction has the following characteristics:

Fixation on the object of love, giving it super-significant meaning.
Self-denial and expectations that are unrealistic and unreasonable that the object of love will reciprocate.
Fear of abandonment, which provokes a weakening of negative feelings towards a partner and a desire to do anything to save the relationship.
Fear of intimacy, which reduces libido.
Avoidance addict – when a partner is chosen with whom there cannot be a healthy relationship and intimate contact.

Means and methods of getting rid of love addiction

It is possible to get rid of love addiction, and in some especially difficult cases it is even necessary and extremely necessary.

1. “I deserve the best!”

Psychologists advise doing auto-training every day. Repeat the following phrases to yourself every day:

"I am worthy of love and respect"
"I have wonderful friends"
"I'm an excellent specialist"
“I can provide for myself”
“I am a strong woman and I can cope with the challenges ahead”

All this will help you feel confident and help you decide to take the first step.

2. “Out of sight, out of mind”

In a brief conversation, tell your spouse that you intend to end the relationship and move on. There is no need to engage in long discussions or go into explanations. At the same time, you must be decisive and confident in your words. If you are afraid to succumb to persuasion to save the relationship, then it is better to break off the relationship over the phone.

If you have already broken up with a guy and switched to the role of Ex-, in order not to return to the old one, remove the external signs of his presence in your life. Destroy items associated with your former loved one. These are photographs, toys, clothes, shoes. Remove everything that reminds you of him from sight. Give to those in need. You will have a reason to update your wardrobe, change your clothing style, and renovate your apartment. Add his email and phone number to the blacklist so as not to be tempted to accept a call, read a letter, or call yourself.

3. “Time heals!”

If your ex is looking for a meeting with you, then try to avoid meetings and contacts with him and mutual friends. The main thing here is to understand that in a month or two both he and you will already remember this as something from the past, as if it never happened

Therefore, it is important to have patience and fortitude. Don’t answer phone calls (you can change the number), don’t go to your usual vacation spots, ignore conversations about mutual friends and activities

Leave the negative in the past and string new, positive emotions.

4. “Life is too short to waste it on things that don’t bring you pleasure.”

Write a profile of your ex-partner consisting of negative qualities. Offensive words, deeds committed, and character traits can be listed here. Attach the sheet in a visible place and re-read it whenever you want to meet or call.

Write a farewell letter, express in words everything you feel. Share your plans for the future, make it clear about the need to separate. By letting go of a person with whom you feel uncomfortable or cold, you give the opportunity to new encounters and unknown feelings.

5. “Step one is to want change. Step two is to achieve them."

Feelings, memories and experiences are still fresh and painful, like wounds, so in order to cope and not do anything stupid by returning to the old ways, work through your thoughts on a piece of paper. After all, nothing organizes thoughts better than formulating them on paper. Literally, start with a clean slate. Buy a beautiful notebook and on the first pages write down the traits and qualities that the ideal man for you should have. Take this seriously, you don’t need to write: “A figure like Brad Pitt,” give him real qualities, for example: responsive, attentive, successful, etc.