Is a young man from your close circle constantly next to you? Does he give you gifts, show signs of attention, but remains indifferent to you? So how can you create a reciprocal feeling for someone who is sincere and honest towards you?
Love is undoubtedly one of the most extraordinary feelings that a person has ever experienced throughout his life. It motivates, makes you change for the better.
Surely everyone has had unrequited love, which brings a lot of mental pain and leaves an extremely unpleasant aftertaste on the heart. In such cases, we usually go out of our way to win the affection of the object of our love. But from the side of the person whose favor we are trying to win, everything doesn’t look so rosy.
Anyone is probably familiar with the situation when an overly persistent young man is courting you, constantly giving you flowers, inviting you to go for a walk, but, alas, he is not trustworthy and does not have the qualities necessary for your “ideal”. Then, most likely, his efforts will not be crowned with success, and he will be turned away.
But what to do if the young man caring for you is very good and his intentions are sincere and pure, and he has repeatedly shown himself to be a worthy person for building a serious relationship, but despite all this, he does not inspire self-love in you?
In this case, many girls face a difficult choice - to reject a worthy candidate for building a further relationship, or to try to evoke a reciprocal feeling in themselves and begin to build, perhaps, a family life, with a person who has shown himself to be an exemplary family man and an ideal husband.
And in the end, bright love is not as important for family life as mutual understanding, respect and good attitude towards each other, so good that even without love you will feel happy.
So what should you do if this happens and you need to “fall in love” with a person?
- Find all his positive qualities;
- Find out if he is the person he seems at first glance;
- Learn to trust your partner;
- Convince yourself that you are happy next to him;
- Share his habits and hobbies.
5 reasons for failures in love and ways to overcome them
Let's look at all the points in order.
Find all his positive qualities
Maybe he doesn't throw his socks around and is ready to wash the dishes instead of playing on the computer. Perhaps he is ready to buy you any clothes to suit your taste and let you go to his girlfriends.
If only his shortcomings catch your eye, every word he says causes you irritation and, perhaps, even disgust, then you need to find in him such a positive quality that would allow you to close your eyes to all the minor shortcomings.
Maybe it’s worth making a list of all the good and bad qualities of the candidate, mentally exaggerating all the good qualities, thereby extolling the guy, and calling all the shortcomings meaningless and unnecessary little things. After all, you decided that he is the one worthy to become the father of your future children, therefore, there are qualities in him that are higher for you than external, physical attractiveness.
After all, when making a choice between a stunning handsome man who will cheat on you and show his frivolity in all its glory, and, perhaps, a not so handsome young man, in whose reliability you will be one hundred percent sure, what will you choose?
His strong qualities
Every man has his own personal strengths.
If you are careful enough, you will definitely notice them. Perhaps in your boyfriend you will find peace of mind for tomorrow, since his strong quality will be a deep sense of responsibility. Or maybe your ally is very romantic, which means you definitely won’t be left without attention and courtship. Try to analyze your boyfriend’s actions, even if you absolutely cannot understand them and this scares you away. Ask why he acted this way and not otherwise in a particular situation. Most likely, you will be surprised when you find out what the motive for his behavior is. If this motive turns out to be non-standard, it means that your future together will also go beyond ordinary thinking, and life will not seem boring.
Find out if he is the person he seems to be at first glance
Sometimes young people set themselves only one goal - to achieve a girl by any means, to get her into bed. Such guys very often do anything for this, pretend to be sweet and gentle, lie about themselves and about their past, and without seeing your reaction to this they only intensify their attempts to win you.
If a young person is a kind of virtuoso in this matter, then the truth may not be revealed very, very soon, therefore, you should not try to love a person who, in your opinion, periodically behaves suspiciously, his mood changes, he often forgets some small details that I told you before and passed it off as the truth.
To love or to be loved, which is better?
Think about it: do you want to fall in love with a liar, even if he looks like a worthy candidate for your hand and heart? This could be a mistake that you will regret until you are old.
How do women fall in love?
Most women find it much more difficult to fall in love than men. If for representatives of the stronger half of humanity aesthetic and sexual attractiveness play the most important role in relation to the opposite sex, then for women the reliability and decency of the person they choose as their partners is valuable. At the same time, it is important to take into account that for young girls this value is often practically leveled. But the older and more experienced a woman is, the more significantly her view of these things changes!
However, despite their age, most women really want at least some man next to them. This is especially observed among unmarried ladies after 30-35 years. If by this age women have not acquired a permanent partner - an official or common-law husband, they are ready to marry almost anyone, even without paying attention to the man’s appearance. And this is the most insignificant mistake compared to the one when women get married without taking into account the character, manners, and interests of their chosen one!
It will be very difficult for a man who sets himself the goal of truly making a woman fall in love with him. At the age of under 30, when women have more romantic views of life and men, such a goal has a greater chance of success than in the case of older women. The bewitching of schoolgirls or students cannot be compared with the bewitching of middle-aged or Balzac-aged ladies. However, there are still chances!
It probably doesn’t make sense to talk about love at first sight now, when the feeling of falling in love arises without any particular difficulties. It’s better to figure out the problem, what to do for those men who really want to rekindle the feeling of falling in love with them in some lady they really like. Here are some basic tips that can help you cope with this task:
- be neat;
- show only a good and positive mood;
- be sociable and communicate in the manner that is closest to the woman (you should not talk about lofty matters if this is a completely uninteresting topic for the chosen one. And, conversely, descend to flat, stupid jokes if the woman has high culture and intelligence);
- tell a woman about your feelings for her when it becomes appropriate (under no circumstances should you be ashamed to tell her the words “I love you!”, “You are the best in the world!”, etc.)
- Don't overdo it with alcohol...
Ultimately, knowing how women fall in love and what can influence their attitude towards a man, it is quite possible to touch the most tender strings of a woman’s soul.
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How to fall in love. From the experience of practicing psychologists.
I want to fall in love! I'm so tired of being alone! - these and similar complaints from women and men who have not decided on a permanent partner are often heard in psychologists’ offices.
Of course, each problem is individual and is solved individually. But there is something in common between most cases. Most often, the problem of loneliness is faced by men and women who once, for some reason, lost self-confidence or never had it. Therefore, it is very important to raise personal value and self-esteem in your own eyes.
As a matter of fact, this is what psychologists’ offices are for—to correct a person’s mental perception of not only the world and people around him, but also himself.
Additional Information:
Learn to trust your partner.
If you are a naturally distrustful person, then you shouldn’t show it very clearly. Usually, mistrust offends a person, especially if his feelings, as you have seen, are sincere. Yes, and you should overcome the emotional barrier that will initially be between you.
When a person experiences such a feeling as love, trust usually comes with it, and since you are trying to induce love artificially, you will have to learn to trust.
To do this, try to control the person as little as possible, give him chances to do everything so that you can rely on him, send him for important purchases, let him pay your bills. Sooner or later, in this way, you will get used to the fact that you can always rely on your partner, and trust will come by itself.
What causes falling in love
It may seem strange, but people fall in love with a certain person for a reason, but due to specific circumstances. Let's take a closer look at what causes this.
From a physiological point of view
When a person feels sympathy for another, he begins to feel changes in his behavior and feelings. A feeling of euphoria, lightness, and absolute happiness appears. It is not surprising that such processes are caused by chemical reactions occurring inside the body:
READ How to understand that you have fallen in love with a guy: signs and stages of tender feelings
- Release of the hormone dopamine. Responsible for the psycho-emotional state, causes a feeling of satisfaction, the desire to achieve the goal. The same applies to the object of love: if you like a person, dopamine is released, due to which you want to continue communication and strive for this.
- Release of the hormone adrenaline. It is responsible for increasing energy and mental activity. But when his concentration increases, the lover begins to experience fear for the relationship, anxiety, and worry. He anxiously awaits a response to his invitation to meet, worries during the first dates, and is shy.
- Release of the hormone testosterone. A man meets a pretty girl, he likes her appearance, testosterone is produced in the body, thanks to which the mood improves, the world seems brighter and kinder. Under the influence of this hormone, partners see only positive qualities in each other, artificially maintaining relationships at the initial stage.
- Hormones vasopressin and oxytocin. Developed when a couple is in a serious relationship. They dull the feeling of attraction to other people of the opposite sex and instill confidence in relation to a permanent partner.
In total, there are 12 hormones responsible for love. Based on them, scientists are struggling with the formula by which one can fall in love and fall out of love. But they have not yet achieved success in this matter.
Psychological component
People fall in love with each other not only for physiological reasons; psychological attraction is also not in last place. The main psychological points include the following:
- Similar interests. If people have the same hobbies, then there is a high probability that a long-lasting union will result. Common values, the same life experiences, level of attractiveness and age can strengthen a couple. We, contrary to popular belief, do not fall in love with our opposite.
- Similarities with parents. Views on family life are formed in childhood. A person gets used to living in his own family and, on a psychological level, looks for a partner who can recreate the same lifestyle and way of life in the home. If the type and character coincide with the parents, then the chances of a relationship increase greatly.
- Smell. A partner of the opposite sex is attracted to a body odor that is pleasant to him. It is clear that we are not talking about perfume and deodorant now. In addition, during the period of ovulation, a woman may be attracted to a man with a large amount of testosterone.
- Behavior. The girl, who is open to relationships and communication with young people, behaves relaxedly, showing this to the guys with gestures and body language. This demeanor makes her more attractive and desirable to potential partners.
- Height. If a woman is attracted to tall young men, then short guys will not be considered for relationships in principle.
- Pastime. A person generally falls in love when he is interested and pleasant in spending time with another. Even if sympathy arose initially, but the two of you are bored and sad, have nothing to do with each other, the conversation doesn’t go well, then the relationship will end before it even begins.
- Proximity of residence. An important factor, since distance will not benefit any couple who are just starting to communicate. If you live close, it means you will have the opportunity to see each other almost every day, have a pleasant time together, get to know your partner, and develop relationships. If you live far away, for example, in different cities, you will get stuck at the same level, so over time, interest will begin to fade.
- Smile. People are more willing to be drawn to positive and cheerful people than to those who are always gloomy and dissatisfied. A smile is attractive, but despondency is repellent.
READ Why a man is afraid of the woman he is in love with: reasons for fears and how to avoid them
According to psychology, these reasons influence whether people pay attention to each other or pass by without even noticing.
Spiritual Explanation
Partners must be spiritually close, have similar views on the moral side of life and the same worldview. Thus, a truly believing Orthodox person who tries not to break the commandments and lives according to his conscience will never be happy next to a dishonest partner who bypasses the church a mile away and does not observe the basic laws of Orthodoxy.
For the same reason, people of different nationalities very rarely come together, since they have different views on life and completely different concepts about relationships within the family and its way of life.
If the partners are of the same nationality and religion, their spiritual and moral components coincide, then in this case falling in love occurs, and the union promises to be strong. But there are always exceptions.
Convince yourself that you are happy with him.
Every person is pleased to see the fire in the eyes of a loved one, the smile on his face. This brings true happiness because giving joy is the truest gift. And if the person you decide to fall in love with is truly sincere with you, then every smile, every happy look or good word addressed to him will make your partner feel needed and important.
Therefore, if you do not yet love, but at least respect the person you have chosen as your future husband, then you should learn to bring him joy, and to be happy yourself. If he wiped, arranged a romantic dinner, put away his socks, or bought you popcorn at the cinema - it doesn’t matter, convince yourself that happiness lies in such little things.
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We love to fall in love with those we see often
We all have a need to love. Genetically designed for procreation. We are social animals, and even when people get divorced, it is often done not to live alone, but to date someone else.
Since we will love in any case, what does our brain do when there is no one worthy of love? He either chooses his ideal from the TV screen or chooses in real life from what is available! By the way, have you ever been in love with an actor or star? It would be really interesting to read in the comments.
How do we fall in love with limited choices? Remember yourself at school. Almost all the boys have a crush on the same girl in the class. Is she the ideal of each of them? No, but she's better than the rest. Even love is subject to the laws of the market. The mind thinks something like this: “Oh, to hell with it, for lack of anything better, I’ll love her!” The same goes for girls.
If we are not in love, then we are in love - the emptiness tends to fill itself.
But loneliness alone is not enough to fall in love with the best of the worst. The second strongest component is required. This component is frequent exposure to a stimulus, that is, an object of love. Let me explain.
It is not true that the less often people see each other, the stronger the love. Love should be regarded as a strong developed reflex. And therefore, the more often the stimulus is repeated, the stronger the reflex. In our case, this reflex is love. We fall in love with a girl and a boy in class because the stimulus is repeated often enough to develop a stable reflex.
We tend to develop a reflex of love for those whom we see often.
Romances at work are caused by the same thing. I no longer want to talk about lonely sheep shepherds and what these poor fellows get up to. But they say, I emphasize, they say - I haven’t seen that they sell inflatable sheep in intimate stores...
As you noticed, I like to view a person as a predictable being with a set of innate and acquired reflexes, or call them habits. I didn’t want to say that “man is a lazy, predictable animal,” but if someone likes it that way, think as you please.
Something clicked or how people fall in love
Many people wonder why beauties choose chubby and homely boys. Others are perplexed by the choice of the first guy in school. It turns out that he is seduced by quiet, homely and calm girls. What is the reason for this paradox? It's simple - ordinary chemistry.
Scientists have discovered that the hormone progesterone, which is responsible for parental instincts, plays an important role in the process of developing strong feelings. Women who have it in abundance are attracted to men who look like teddy bears or small children. When girls see such body proportions in guys, the level of progesterone in their blood increases sharply. At this moment this amazing “click” happens.
Why are men attracted to natural blondes? Fair-haired women have an increased amount of estrogen, which is responsible for fertility. As a result, this makes them more feminine, affectionate and gentle.
We are looking for our own kind
In modern society, the saying has taken root: “Opposites attract.” However, the facts often suggest the opposite. Sometimes people may not know each other, but they still feel attracted to a certain person. This happens when they find people like themselves—like-minded individuals.
During the conversation it turns out that they are united:
- habits;
- preferences;
- life values;
- thoughts as well as reasoning patterns;
- temperaments;
- priorities.
So, sociable people are drawn to sociable people, and balanced people are drawn to quiet people. Still, there is no need to set specific rules. After all, often two impulsive people or leaders simply cannot stand each other’s presence. Therefore, everything is relative here.
Psychologists note that relationships between people with different personalities ultimately reach a dead end. Traditionally, overly emotional partners “drown out” calmer spouses with their temperaments. As a result, they become discouraged and fall into severe depression.
They found each other at first sight
I haven't seen this movie. But in this excerpt of the video, you can see how the main character’s passion and love at first sight for the woman flared up, and he passionately began to kiss her.
There are women who are attracted solely on a soul level.
If the level of vibrations of a man and a woman coincides, this is mutual love at first sight . They look at each other and already understand everything. The dating process is completely eliminated! In these cases, the stage of dating, communication, kissing, etc. happens absolutely easily. Their fun manifests itself on another level - subtle communication, silence, glances, touches.
Love at first sight happens, and then there is no need to say anything. The guy and the girl feel each other, they feel this mutual feeling .
If a guy and a girl of the same vibration level fully project their real selves, without a single filter, without falsehood, without arrogance , then such people will fall in love and be attracted at the snap of a finger.
All a man needs to do for a man to be in love with a woman of the same level of awareness is to simply be open to her and not have any idea to tense up or do anything he doesn’t want to do .
Having a high level of consciousness, 99 out of 100 people will not be interesting to you. Simply because they live by desires, fears, limitations, believing that experiences are normal. They have a low level of awareness.
But in order for a man to meet the same woman with the same level of consciousness, at the right moment he must also not be afraid to say what he wants and not be afraid of his intentions . The love of a guy and a girl is always built on sincerity.
By changing the level of consciousness, the environment changes . It changes at the same speed at which you develop. You are attracted by vibration level with your friends. This works the same for girls and guys.
What kind of ladies attract men: what girls do guys like, what is the most important thing in a woman according to men.
The most difficult and difficult girls: an article about girls with whom everything is always difficult, what a girl under 25 wants.
Video lessons on how to learn how to kiss a girl and a guy correctly - lessons in passionate kissing with the tongue.
Ideal relationship
Each person has his own opinion regarding how everything should work out in a couple. Scientists have long defined what true love and ideal relationships are.
Almost every couple can become happy. In the event that love and sex are an inextricable whole. This ensures spiritual closeness and the desire to share everything with your partner - both joys and sorrows. In addition, sex is a way to get to know your soulmate better, learn to listen to her desires and interact. This is also an excellent method of showing your feelings, love, passion and tenderness.