Love at first sight is often compared to being struck by lightning. Feelings are so strong that they cannot last long - they absorb a person, overshadow the mind, crowd out all other moods and emotions. Under favorable conditions, they develop into calmer relationships - sympathy, affection, friendship, deep love.
People believe what they want to believe. Romantic, dreamy natures will always answer in the affirmative the question of whether there is love at first sight. Pragmatists and skeptics will disagree with them. As paradoxical as it sounds, both are right. For some, falling in love in a minute is a common thing. For others, in order to experience a deep feeling of love, they need a long-term relationship, repeated confirmation that they have chosen the right partner.
A scientific view of love at first sight
Neuroscientists and specialists who study human evolution tell us that there is indeed a naturally designed mechanism that is responsible for instant sympathy.
Why do people fall in love at first sight?
When a living being or person sees an object that is attractive to him, he experiences this instant sympathy, the chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine are produced in his body, and the level of serotonin decreases. And what does this tell us? That these chemicals, hormones, are responsible for ensuring that you and I, humans and other living beings experience romantic love, infatuation and passion.
You may ask: why was such a mechanism created in nature?
Everything is very simple: so that people and other living beings do not waste their precious energy and time looking for a suitable partner for a very long time. And they directed their energy to something more pleasant, to pleasure and to procreation. For example, in animals we can observe a lot of competition, and if a female searches for a male for a very long time, then in nature she can be eaten by a much larger predator.
And most importantly, this mechanism does not depend on gender. That is, both boys and girls can fall in love at first sight.
How long does it take to fall in love?
Sympathy between two people arises in about a few seconds. Some say it's anywhere from 5 seconds to 20 minutes. That is, we are already scanning each other. Yes, a man and a woman, by scanning each other, find out whether they are interesting or uninteresting to each other. It goes more on an intuitive level. And at this moment they determine whether the person is liked or not.
Psychology of feeling
Psychology puts the need for love in third place after physiological needs (food, water, rest) and the desire for security (stability of the surrounding world and order in it). When a person says that this love happened at first sight, perhaps he dreamed of strong passion and vivid impressions. When you wait a long time for miracles, they happen - they originate in the subconscious and, at the slightest hint of confirmation in the outside world, they become real to us.
Under such conditions, a small spark is enough - a chance meeting of eyes or an eloquent gesture from a new acquaintance for a girl to fall in love at first sight. For women with more life experience in this matter, things are more complicated. They look at current events more balancedly and rationally. The objectivity of assessments is associated with similar situations that occurred in the past. This does not mean that an adult, experienced woman is not capable of love at first sight.
Typically, the likelihood of a happy event decreases as the amount of accumulated life experience increases. A separate story is the romantic experiences of a man. A man can fall in love at first sight, but whether he will publicly express emotions depends on his character and type of temperament. Seeing a person for the first time, it is impossible to objectively evaluate all aspects of his personality. The first impression may be inspired by stereotypes and may not correspond to reality.
It is possible to experience love from the first minute of meeting, but it is based on personal perception of the appearance, manners, and behavior of a new acquaintance. Processing of information received from outside occurs in the associative zones of the cortical structures of the brain. If the visual appearance of an object coincides with the positive images of potential partners existing in the subconscious and stored in memory, the person intuitively experiences interest and attraction.
The image of an ideal personality generated by consciousness is decisive when choosing a suitable partner. People who are unable to adapt the ideal to the real conditions and circumstances of life are doomed to loneliness. Ideal people don't exist. Everyone has flaws. The ability to put up with them and loyally perceive the unpleasant character traits of others is called sociability - the ability to openly and productively interact with other members of society.
Three stages of falling in love
The first stage is chemical
That is, it lasts literally several months, about 3 months, maybe more, some say six months.
- People look after each other, usually a man looks after a woman, a woman allows a man to look after her
- They show some signs of attention to each other
- Checking how much they like or dislike each other
There is a test of emotions, but on the other hand, they seem to already understand that they like each other. Because they experience a large number of hormones for each other.
The first stage ends, they have already clearly learned that they like each other and are already sure of it, and move on to the second stage of falling in love.
The second stage is the struggle for power
Sometimes it is called differently. In principle, all this is approximately the same.
What is it?
The stage is that they begin to move away from each other:
- someone is offended
- runs away from someone else
- someone doesn't show their best sides
People check this way to see if they are generally interested in each other, as if in a more open way. Yes, this is more of a test of relationships for purer feelings: how honestly each person shows their true face during this period, and also defends some of their positions.
It is during this period that all childhood traumas begin to emerge from people in a violent way.
- Someone is traumatized by abandonment;
- Someone is offended by each other, is very worried, and so on.
What is very important at this particular time? Survive this stage. It is given so that people check each other for the truth of their feelings, so that these are not just some kind of hormonal surges.
If people experience the second stage, then they already reach the stage of true love.
The third stage is true love
- They are already starting to communicate with each other
- All sorts of manipulative interactions go away
- The speech between them becomes more sincere
- Communication is smoother
- They understand that they are a couple who wants to stay for a long time
Can love arise after falling in love at first sight? Of course, this is how falling in love moves on to the next stage - namely the stage of love.
What is characteristic of love?
Not only hormonal surges are characteristic, but also:
- common goals and interests
- communication
- some mutual friends
- going somewhere together
That is, these are people who are spiritually closer to each other, it is easy for them to communicate, they build their relationships on this. Basically, communication is the most important basis of long-term relationships and love. If there is no normal communication, then it is believed that this relationship may turn out to be either dependent, or the love may dissolve and the love will end.
Signs of love at first sight
- Shyness. A person liberated by nature sometimes becomes very shy towards someone - this is the first manifestation of falling in love.
- Blush on the cheeks. When a person falls in love, a wave of hormones appears that affects the speed of the heart, and as a result, a pink blush appears on the face.
- Reflections on the future. Without controlling himself, the lover thinks about a common future. Girls begin to try on their partner's last name, and boys start thinking about spending time together.
- Soul mates. If love at first sight was mutual, people quickly find a common language and feel that they have known each other for a long time.
- Butterflies in the stomach . Every lover experiences this feeling of passion, of emotional explosion.
Should you give in to your love interest?
If people who have experienced a love impulse are free, not married or in a relationship, nothing prevents them from personally checking whether the love that arises at first sight exists. Sudden passion is characterized by dissolution in a romantic impulse and loss of contact with reality.
As a result, a person can succumb to emotions and commit actions that he would not dare to do if he were in a calm, balanced state. You should not be led by momentary emotions if a casual acquaintance is bound by obligations or marriage. It is rarely possible to build happiness on someone else's misfortune.
Love is the willingness to give your partner a place in your life. It is impossible to experience sincere, deep feelings after seeing a person just once. But at one glance you can discern your destiny in a random acquaintance and build a happy relationship in the future.
Expert opinion: is it possible to fall in love at first sight?
Olga Eroshova is a psychologist, certified marriage and family consultant, dating coach.
In her short video, Olga answers the questions:
- Why do we love? The nature and chemistry of romantic love.
- Is love at first sight a myth or a scientific reality?
- What do scientists and psychology experts say about hormones and the chemistry of love?
- Is it possible to fall in love at first sight?
Finding similarities with yourself and your parents
Some scientists believe that love at first sight is explained by the presence of common features in the subject and object of love. For a serious relationship, people do not have to be complete opposites of each other, but external similarity is of particular importance. Have you noticed how similar some lovers are to each other, or how over time in family life they become copies of each other? If we love and accept ourselves, we will notice a person similar to us.
Another theory is similar to this: we notice people similar to our parents. There was an interesting case in my life: the dentist who treated me and my mother-in-law initially mistook us for his own daughter and mother. Coincidence? Don't think. Perhaps my husband found traits in me that reminded me of my mother.
Films about love at first sight
Real love
- Year of issue: 2003
- Genre: Melodrama, Drama, Comedy
- Country: UK, USA, France
- Rating: 7.6
Meet Joe Black
- Year of issue: 1998
- Genre: Melodrama, Fantasy, Drama
- Country: USA
- Rating: 7.2
Obsession
- Year of issue: 2004
- Genre: Thriller, Melodrama, Detective, Drama
- Country: USA
- Rating: 7.0
Gabriel's Inferno
- Year of issue: 2020
- Genre: Melodrama
- Country: USA
- Rating: 6.1
365 days
- Year of issue: 2020
- Genre: Melodrama, Drama
- Country: Poland
- Rating: 5.2
Is it possible to fall in love at first sight? Life stories
Evgeniya
My husband says he had “love at first sight” for me and even “oh, that’s my future wife” at first sight.
Nothing sparked for me, but an interest awoke that has been day after day, month after month, year after year, for almost eight years now. It’s as if our threads of care, responsibility, warmth, forgiveness, sometimes exactingness, trust, transition periods, difficulties, crashes and ups are woven into a huge warm carpet - this carpet is love, which can cover and warm us, children, family, friends, loved ones... many around.
Irina
I saw him and forgot about everything. My heart began to beat to the rhythm of Mendelssohn's waltz, butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and hearts flashed in my eyes, like in an American cartoon. At that moment, I had already come up with names for our children and gave the dog a nickname. So is this your idea of love at first sight? I do. I’m imagining it because I’m not sure I had a chance to experience it in reality.
After all, the first reaction to meeting my future husband was the thought: “Funny guys, but still so small.” We talked. Denis is like Denis. 2 years younger and with a very strange last name that I didn’t even remember. Who knew that many years later I would have to learn it, looking at the first page of my passport. And that from that spark of a fleeting acquaintance a flame will ignite, from the warmth of which a new earthly inhabitant will appear.
Then we met by chance a couple of times. And nothing. It probably wasn't the right time. It was necessary to get burned in relationships with others in order to understand that this is my destiny.
And so it happened. At my brother's wedding. After 9 years.
And after two days I simply couldn’t imagine how it could have been different. A month later we began to live together. The result of this union is today wearing shoe size 42.
Imprinting
And here we must mention imprinting. This is a phenomenon in psychology. Imprinting (from the English “imprinting” - “imprinting”) is a phenomenon that implies that information is remembered instantly and retained for life, thus behavior patterns are learned and learning occurs.
The background is this. Konrad Lorenz, an Austrian zoologist, was very fond of wildlife, greylag geese in particular. And then one day, the hatched goslings came under his supervision. And the first thing the goslings themselves saw was the zoologist Lorenz. His image was “imprinted”, a fixation occurred, and since then the goslings have followed him everywhere. They mistook him for their mother goose. This is how imprinting worked. Completely instinctive.
And the first days of life play a special role. With people too. The psyche clearly records the first events. A strong psycho-emotional experience also leaves its mark on the psyche, and this is how its formation occurs. The influence of the outside world becomes irreversible and will “send greetings” all your life. And so, all the elements of the experience gained in childhood converge into a common picture, and the imprinting mechanism is launched.
This is where the “legs” of another concept “life scenario” grow. When a person would be happy in a different way and with the wrong ones, but it doesn’t work out. Acts within the given limits. So here it is again. A domineering parent can create attachment to domineering partners. And if there is a drinker in the family, you will be lenient and tolerant of alcoholics. Did your father leave the family? There is a chance that you will “read” rejecting people and become attached to them.
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And the persistent impression of “love at first sight” can trap you in a painful relationship. Even a bewitching image from a television screen of a brutal cowboy with a smoking cigar can amaze a fragile imagination. And who knows later, you won’t fall in love with Kuryaku. As you can see, not only good and bright things can attract. And it’s all because of the circumstances in which you get your first vivid impressions. This is the “insidious” imprinting.
You reflect the first impression, all the smallest details are important to you, and then the oil painting. Imprinting can cause love at first sight, unconscious attraction, irrational fears. And without preludes, right away, as if in a pool with your head. Under his influence.
A place can also be imprinted. You will be calm in your grandmother’s house, because you had a good time here as a girl. Of course, it is wiser to double-check the first impression, take a closer look at the facts, but... Yesenin’s “boiling waters of the heart are not in harmony with the cold will” is still relevant in the 21st century. Can you weigh the pros and cons when the pupils of the unique One look into your soul? So think about it.
