A family on the verge of divorce: is it possible to avoid separation?

Not every family can boast of complete mutual understanding and trust in each other. Misunderstandings and conflicts often occur that lead to divorce. But are such drastic measures really necessary? Maybe there is hope to restore the old relationship and save the family? Let's try to figure out how to save a family on the verge of divorce.

A couple who understands each other perfectly is not a miracle, it is the result of the fruitful work of the spouses. They know how to find solutions, avoid conflicts and are open to dialogue.

What causes divorce?

Although people are individual, if you “round” the options, then the reasons for divorce are as follows:

1. Everyday problems. Poverty, debts, loans, unemployment.
2. Behavior problems. Scandals, quarrels, drug addiction, alcoholism.
3. Conflicts with relatives.
4. The reasons are psychological. Depression, loss of love, misunderstanding.

According to statistics, the primary reason for divorce is the inability to build a dialogue and listen to your partner. In Russia, after three years of marriage, 81% of couples break up.

Think about it: do you need to save your family?

If you're celebrating that a scandal is about to brew: stop and breathe. There is no need to go to extremes. Decisions made in haste are rarely correct. Algorithm of actions:

1. Brew yourself a cup of coffee or tea.
2. Sit in a comfortable chair and remember your first meeting with your partner.
3. Remember the moments of happiness that you spent together. You probably put a lot of effort into starting a family, think about where it all went. At what point did the situation begin to develop according to a negative scenario?
4. Remember how many things connect you both.

Psychologists in family therapy often advise using the following technique:

1. On an A4 piece of paper, draw a vertical line to create two columns.
2. The right column is for the partner’s positive character traits, the left column is for the negative ones.
3. You can replace your partner’s character traits with positive or negative aspects of marriage.
4. Important: do not be led by negative emotions. Calm down and breathe in more air.

The conclusion of the exercise will be the fact that marriage has more positive aspects than negative ones.

In the case when the reasons for preserving the family are not positive aspects, but fear of change and fear of a new life, there is no need to hesitate. Prolonged squabbles will lead to moral exhaustion, so divorce is the right decision.

Advice from a psychologist: how to save a family

Both partners must understand that nothing just falls out of the sky. You must learn to listen and accept each other. There are rarely cases when people find mutual understanding without effort. You can't get married and go with the flow without making an effort. A good family is work. Together you solve issues, overcome difficulties, travel, develop, raise children. Understand that people's opinions on situations differ. Look at your family from a different angle. Discuss details and questions.

If the family is on the verge of divorce, renew your relationship with your husband. How to do it? Analyze all the points. Delve into the cause of conflicts and disputes. Answer the question: who is stirring up the scandal. If it's you, start controlling yourself. In practice, this is difficult - changing attitudes, habits are formed over the years, and it is not easy to eliminate them.

Compliment your partner. This is an important point. Praise helps you believe in yourself and gives you an incentive to develop. You don't have to expect great things. Give compliments for buying groceries, cleaning, or playing sports. Don't reproach your significant other for any reason. Every person makes mistakes. Be tactful, and the result will not keep you waiting.

Why there is a crisis in relationships

Crises in family relationships are a common occurrence. For some, they occur immediately after marriage, for others - after a certain period.

The most popular causes of crises:

1. The monotony of life. At the very beginning of a relationship, they contain unearthly passion and other ardent feelings. The lovers feel like they are getting to know each other for the first time. And indeed it is. They, as a rule, do not live together yet. And even if living together does happen, it cannot harm, because the young couple still enjoys communicating with each other. And when married life begins, people are already fed up with their partner’s company. Joint worries and troubles appear. The routine begins. Every day becomes similar to the previous one (breakfast, work, dinner, lessons with the child, money worries and much more). Some people are happy with this situation, others are not. If people are not ready for variety in their everyday life, to be interesting for their significant other, then they become bored with each other. And then partners can begin to look for something interesting on the side, in the company of friends, in a different environment, outside the home. Misunderstandings arise and betrayals occur. Most often, women suffer more in these stories because the man is free to move. And the wife has responsibilities towards the children. She cannot behave like her husband. And then grievances contribute even more to the manifestations of the crisis.
2. Material difficulties. If there is not enough money, then financial problems begin. Not every couple is ready to overcome them together or even separately. If a girl is used to spending money and does not know how to save, then her husband begins to reproach her for squandering and does not always agree to additional expenses. The wife begins to become dissatisfied with the current situation - crises arise. Today, young families often take out a mortgage. Such a loan, of course, takes up a significant portion of the wife’s and husband’s income. And if there is no one to help them, then the mortgage becomes a stumbling block. For example, a woman always wants to look beautiful, she wants to buy new things, jewelry, etc. But there is not enough money. And, let’s say, the husband is not ready or does not want to earn more. He begins to scold his wife for the fact that she cannot tolerate (and endure for 20-25 years!) - and so quarrels and scandals arise again. Or the wife rushes to earn extra money, and then reproaches her husband for earning more than her husband. The ground is favorable for a crisis. In general, here a young family needs to calculate its strength before taking out loans. We need to understand who is capable of what. Can a husband earn more? Is the spouse ready to save, etc.
3. Fading passion. The sexual side of marriage is also crucial for the development of family relationships. It is clear that over time, sex for many people becomes a fulfillment of marital duty. The wife is often busy with children and does not always pay attention to the man’s needs. Many women generally do not tolerate variety in sex and do not want to try anything new. Also, some wives stop taking care of themselves. Husbands often don’t like this arrangement. And they either become irritated or look for something more interesting on the side. This is how a crisis begins in family relationships.
4. Reluctance or inability to have children. This is a very common reason. Typically, people do not know in advance whether they can have children when they get married. No one is specifically examined for this. And then, when the need for children appears, mutual claims begin. It is rare for one spouse to remain married if the other is infertile. Also, not everyone agrees to artificial insemination, if possible. And it is very rare that a child is adopted from an orphanage by mutual consent (more often - if both are infertile). However, there are cases in which a husband and wife can have children, but one does not want this (burden themselves with responsibility, delay the timing of conception, etc.). And then conflicts also begin that lead to a crisis in relationships.

We invite you to read: Divorce procedure with children under 18 years of age

Details that will help save a family on the verge of divorce

Attractive appearance. A woman should remain feminine, and a man should remain masculine. Don't forget about yourself. Sign up for a fitness class or a gym. Treat yourself to a spa treatment once a week. sign up for a manicure and pedicure. Let others look at you and admire you.

Show concern for your partner. Support and motivate him. Try to make the house cozy and comfortable. Think over the menu for the week and follow it. Your home is your castle. Protect her.

Nothing brings people closer together than common interests. If you don’t have them, think about what you like to do. Ask your partner about hobbies. Start by going to the gym together. Come up with something interesting. Discuss the details and choose what to do. This could be cooking classes, going to the theater, watching football, walking around the city (squares, parks). Sit in a cafe, drink coffee - discuss plans for the future, think about a joint vacation. This is a great way to keep your family together and strengthen your relationships.

Actions must be sincere - not because “it’s right.” Lies, deception, pity, depression, pregnancy and other manipulations will not lead to good results. You will break the fate of yourself and your loved ones - come to your senses.

Signs of a Coming Crisis

And yet, most marriages can happily overcome periods of crisis if the spouses do not aggravate the disagreements that arise, but try not only to bring their relationship to a compromise, but also to restore the former freshness of feelings.

In order to definitely improve your relationship with your husband on the verge of a crisis in family relations, you need to know the signs of an impending problem:

• Low-intensity conflicts . Unfinished and unresolved conflicts do not disappear on their own. They continue to smolder, and the parties accumulate grievances. Each such outbreak gradually gains critical mass and explodes into a major scandal. The sediment from such scandals also accumulates, crushing the couple’s tender feelings for each other under its weight.
• Constant complaints and discontent . At the beginning of family life, delicacy and mutual feelings allow only the use of requests. Over time, spouses get tired of asking for something every day, and instead complaints grow: “You haven’t washed the cup again,” “You haven’t taken out the trash again,” “You ALWAYS haven’t made the bed,” etc. This becomes not only one source of conflict, but also creates a heavy oppressive atmosphere in which it is unpleasant to be.
• Daily Criticism . If every action is constantly criticized, this provokes not only the accumulation of grievances, but also discourages the desire to do anything for the partner. And if criticism is tied not to a specific action, but to a person, then divorce is not so far away. After all, it’s one thing to hear that the plate is not washed enough, and another thing to hear that your partner is a slob.
• Demonstrative disrespect and devaluation. Often, in a state of crisis in a relationship, spouses make disparaging statements and an arrogant tone towards their partner. Constant ridicule, contemptuous chuckles and sarcastic jabs certainly do not help strengthen a marriage.
• The disappearance of gratitude. Ordinary words of politeness spoken in response to care and help are at least a manifestation of mutual respect. The disappearance of such gestures of gratitude indicates a loss of respect and consumerism.
• Decreased frequency of intimacy. This moment is called a fairly serious reason for terminating the relationship. After all, if one of the spouses needs sexual contact, and the other does not feel such a need, then this indicates their incompatibility and leads to adultery. And if ignoring a partner in bed is due to resentment and the desire to punish for misdeeds, then this method is a very dangerous method of education.

What should a man do if his family is on the verge of divorce?

1. Don't forget about romance. Think about the flowers your other half loves and give them, no need to wait for March 8th or birthday. A romantic dinner, candles, good music - these details will delight and surprise your other half. Invite her to a restaurant, just like that - for no reason. Choose a romantic movie and buy tickets to the cinema - these little things will return the spark to the relationship and help it flare up with renewed vigor.
2. Do not be silent. Everyone gets tired at work, and your wife is no exception. Dialogue is important for a woman, this way you will show that you are not indifferent to her thoughts and experiences. There is no need to boil it all down to discussing the neighbor from the second entrance - choose a topic that is interesting for both of you, talk about your work, achievements in sports, your favorite team or a book you recently read. This will help you get closer.
3. Remain patient and calm. Don’t be nervous, don’t throw harsh phrases, stop waving your arms and raising your voice. If your wife is choleric, stay calm. This is an important point for preserving the family. Don't raise your voice in response. Brew some tea, hug her, kiss her tenderly and remind her that you love her. The conflict will immediately begin to fade away - rest assured of this.
4. Meet her friends. Their opinion plays a big role in your wife’s life. If they like you, you will receive the support of strong allies. In a difficult situation, they will come to your defense. Find out the details of their lives. In difficult situations, you can remind your wife that conflicts occur in ideal couples. This technique will help calm down the quarrel.

Nothing helps - how to save the family?

Ask your wife what she wants and give it to her. The reason may be lack of attention, constant gatherings with alcohol and friends, mistrust and jealousy. Think about what is more important to you and if you want to save your marriage, give up the moments that ruin your life.

1. Remember the trade-offs. Learn to admit mistakes and work on them.
2. Hear each other.
3. You don't need to tell everyone about your problems. Think with your own head. No one but you can fix the situation.
4. Don't give up and fight for your happiness.

Remember, true love is not given to everyone. Let's remember the main stages of a relationship. Choose the stage that suits you.

How to prevent a quarrel

It’s easier not to lead to a scandal than to deal with the consequences later. A few simple but effective tips from psychologists will help improve family life and reduce the number of conflicts.

1. Understand Try to find the reasons for your husband’s aggressive behavior in his past, his character or current problems. It happens that a person just needs to express everything that is boiling, and it is not a fact that the real reason is in your marriage. Perhaps he is haunted by problems at work or long-standing grievances against his father.
2. Time to cool down You shouldn’t immediately start making arguments and defending your position as soon as a dispute arises. Give your emotions time to subside and take a healthy look at the situation - what was the catalyst that provoked the surge of negativity? First, cool down and only after that go to dialogue.
3. Once and for all If the conflict repeats over and over again due to the same problem, for example, unwashed dishes or a tasteless dinner, sit down and find a solution. Stop putting it off until later and make peace, just so as not to quarrel. Until the reason is resolved, quarrels will be repeated.
4. Fight negativity Play sports! Persuade your loved one to find a common hobby or an alternative way to let off steam - this could be a half-hour run, hitting a punching bag or even computer games, anything that will help get rid of accumulated negativity.
5. Containing emotions Learn not to throw unfounded accusations and get rid of the habit of hurting just to take revenge. Learn to control yourself and not bring the situation to a boiling point. Any conflict can be resolved peacefully and without shouting.
6. Be smarter Try to observe what leads to quarrels. It could be anything, but once the trigger is identified, simply avoid it or cut it out of your life if possible. For example, if you constantly quarrel over who will walk the dog - either develop a schedule and strictly follow it, or give the pet into good hands - marriage is still more important.
7. Praise Men are extremely sensitive to praise and support; they just need to know that what they do is appreciated and noticed by someone. Make it a habit to praise your loved one even for little things, don’t take him for granted. Words of gratitude and admiration can turn an insecure and always offended man into a real Superman.

USEFUL INFORMATION: Preliminary guardianship and guardianship

Tips for passing relationship tests

1. Falling in love - harmony guides you. Duration – one and a half years. A marriage entered into at this stage may collapse from disappointment and broken hopes.
2. Saturation - hormones have subsided, you soberly assess your partner. Adjustments in everyday life, problem solving, discussions, looseness. All sides of the partner are visible: strong and weak. The relationship begins to become a habit. The person is close to you.
3. Dislike. Strong feelings fade away. Fantasies and purple glasses are left behind. Romanticism is gone, you are afraid to connect your life with this person. Stage - testing. Everyone pulls the blanket over themselves, conflicts, quarrels, showdowns. To save your family and not get divorced, stay calm.
4. Harmony, patience. There is an understanding that everyone is different. You become more tolerant. No one is perfect - finding compromises. You study, read books, work with a therapist, move in that direction. This is the first important stage to save the family.
5. Respect and care for your partner. Now you are together, developing, moving in the same direction, making plans, achieving goals. The birth of true love.
6. Partnership, friendship. You bond a lot, you got to know each other well. Mutual respect and understanding is the beginning of the birth of true love.
7. The last stage is true love. Understanding each other perfectly, trust, spiritual closeness. You have learned to smooth out corners, look positively and believe in your partner.

Learn to listen and understand, then it will be easier to save your family from divorce.

Prayer to save a marriage

First of all, prayer must be honest. You need to approach God with a pure soul and believe that such an appeal will help. The prayer must carry a specific message to higher powers in order for the plan to come true. Prayer instills hope and kindness in the heart, so even for those who do not go to church often, turning to God can help solve many problems.

You need to ask God to return your husband to the family to all its members, including the child. It is important to ask the Almighty so that you can understand how to save the marriage, measure up, how to convince your husband not to get a divorce, how to restore a warm relationship, why he left and what to do next. The prayer should carry a powerful energy message and be as sincere as possible.

It is possible to bring back a spouse who has left. This requires introspection, a clear understanding of the problem, the ability to give in and listen; prayer will help someone. But it is also important to decide for yourself whether you need this relationship, whether you need to make peace, or whether your spouse really left for a reason.

Attention! Due to recent changes in legislation, the legal information in this article may be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write your question in the form below: