A woman is born for family happiness. She creates comfort, takes care of her spouse, raises children and feels needed. And if the relationship collapses, the fulcrum is lost, and the soul becomes empty. How not to fall into despair and start life again? Where can I get the strength to revive hope for happiness?
To answer these questions, we need to understand the reasons for the breakup.
Love has passed
Life rolls on well-trodden rails: family worries, work, children, husband. And suddenly everything collapses in one moment. You understand that you no longer need your spouse: his feelings have cooled down. How to stop loving a husband who doesn't love you anymore? How to survive separation and cope with pain? You can find a way out of any difficult situation if you move in the right direction.
Step one. Out of sight, out of mind
There is no magic bullet that can erase cherished memories from your memory. But they can be moved aside and hidden away with the help of small tricks. A little effort and you will feel better:
- hide photos;
- we remove or throw away personal belongings;
- we stop contacting our spouse’s friends;
- We avoid places that can evoke painful memories.
If you want to speed up the process of erasing the memory of your ex-husband, make cosmetic repairs to your apartment. This will distract you from sad memories and radically change the direction of your thoughts.
Step two. Let's take care of ourselves beloved
In order to fill the emptiness in our soul, we turn our attention to ourselves. After all, in a past life there was always not enough time for this, but now there is:
- waking up and falling asleep, we confess our love for ourselves;
- Don't put off your visit to the beauty salon. A new hairstyle, manicure, pedicure, cosmetic procedures are the best cure for depression and melancholy;
- we take a vacation and go on vacation, travel, and visit an old friend. The main thing is to stay away from your home.
Step three. Everyone for themselves
Think about how you can stop loving your husband while living in the same apartment with him. To do this, try to rid yourself of daily meetings with your spouse:
- invite your spouse to vacate the premises;
- If you live on its territory, find another one. If you don’t have money for a rented apartment, ask to visit your friends or parents. Temporary inconveniences are compensated by peace of mind;
- Demand that your husband find you a separate living space.
Trying to find the answer to the question of how to stop loving your husband, understand the truth: living with him, you will not be able to cope with your feelings.
Advice from psychologists on getting rid of codependency
- Learn to shift attention to yourself and your feelings. Not “Oh, what a bastard he is!”, but “How do I feel about this?” Write everything that comes to mind. This will save you energy.
- Evaluate your husband carefully. If he was capable of stabbing a knife in the back, he probably had other weaknesses as well. It's time to notice them and look closely under a magnifying glass.
- Start taking care of yourself. Remember your strengths, ask your friends to tell you why they love and appreciate you. Make it a habit to praise yourself for everything you do well. Are you cooking delicious borscht or knitting beautifully? What a clever girl! You'd be surprised how many women can't do this!
- Don't try to be good to everyone. If you have a choice of going to a cosmetologist or once again replacing a colleague for a couple of hours, choose yourself and the cosmetologist. Sometimes it's good to put yourself first, it means you respect yourself.
- Stand up for your boundaries. Speak directly about what doesn't suit you. Learn to refuse and don’t feel guilty about it - your right not to accept what you don’t like is not discussed! You will not eat something that you are disgusted by. So why tolerate, for example, a man’s rudeness, justifying it with fatigue or a difficult period in the service.
And remember that the most important thing in treatment is regularity. Take small steps, but every day and the results will appear very soon.
From love to hate
If the reason for the separation is treason and betrayal, it is necessary to urgently take radical measures. The realization that you love a traitor can drive you crazy. This is a painful addiction that requires speedy healing.
Allow yourself to cry
Don't wear the iron lady mask. Give free rein to your feelings. Allow yourself to cry on the shoulder of a close friend. The main thing is that the husband does not see the tears and worries. And when it becomes easier, think about how to help yourself stop loving the husband who betrayed you.
There would be no happiness, but misfortune would help
This should become your motivational phrase. Think about what would have happened to you if the deception had continued. Humiliating position, ridicule, hints, suspicions. Do you really deserve such a fate?
Analyze the advantages and disadvantages
Having come to terms with what has already happened, try to look at your ex from the outside. There are no ideal people in nature. Therefore, you will definitely find not only weaknesses, but also negative character traits. But over the years there would be even more of them. Therefore, by breaking up, you saved yourself from unnecessary problems and troubles.
Remember this more often, but without fanaticism or anger. You need positive emotions, there is already enough negativity.
Share your grief
Any pain is felt more acutely while it is inside us. Sad thoughts, like a broken record, run in circles, increasing suffering. We need to give them a way out: to speak out. By putting your experiences into words, you will feel that they are not as huge as they seemed. It will become easier and calmer. A personal diary can become a reliable interlocutor. A written statement of feelings helps you understand yourself, distract yourself by thinking over a sheet of blank paper.
Take control of your thoughts
One of the ways to quickly stop loving a husband who betrayed you is to master the skill of managing your thoughts.
When you break up with a loved one, you want to constantly think about him. This makes it even harder. Try the following:
- As soon as memories come flooding back, switch your attention to something else. Only the activity should require concentrated brain work. Do not mechanically wash dishes, but disassemble a complex knitting pattern.
- Set aside a specific time for yourself to think about your ex-spouse. Stop yourself if you want to think at an inopportune hour. Say to yourself or out loud: “More about this later, later, not now.” These phrases will help you consciously reduce your time of suffering.
Don't stop yourself from moving on with your life
How to stop loving your husband? First of all, stop engaging in self-hypnosis and self-torture. Look at yourself from the outside. Maybe it gives you secret pleasure to constantly repeat the same thing: “I can’t live without him!”, “I want us to be together again!”, “I will die without him!”. Don't believe your inner voice, it's not that bad. Now there is free time that can be spent on hobbies, education, travel, and communication with friends. This means that new horizons, new meetings, new joys are opening up.
You can't step into the same river twice. It is truth. Therefore, you should not cling to the past. “Everything will pass, and this too will pass,” says the popular proverb wisely.
Is it possible to stop loving your husband quickly?
The desire to forget everything as quickly as possible is quite understandable. Many people try to force themselves into a bright future, ignoring their experiences. Some people overload themselves with work, others try to switch off with alcohol, others pretend that nothing happened and imitate wild fun. Such strategies do not bring anything good.
Disappointment in a loved one is experienced very painfully. As one famous song says: “Parting is a little death.” It is necessary to rebuild not only the established way of everyday life, but also thoughts that habitually correlate each action with the still beloved husband. No one can say how long your heart will clench at the memory of the betrayal you experienced. It all depends on the plasticity of the psyche and personal attitude. On average, psychologists take a year to complete this process, so be patient and remember Solomon’s “everything passes.”
IMPORTANT!!! If you feel that you can’t cope on your own, if everything around you has stopped making you happy, you don’t want anything, and in your thoughts you are constantly chewing on the same thing, then contact a specialist.
This does not mean that we should passively wait for everything to resolve on its own. Any disease can be treated. Codependency, being nothing more than a disease, requires urgent surgical intervention.
Signs of recovery
Over time, feelings will change. Regardless of why you asked yourself the question: “How to stop loving your husband?”, you will feel that you are ready to let him go and forgive him. The obvious symptoms of passing love are the following:
- don’t flinch at every phone call;
- saw that a work colleague’s hairstyle had changed;
- noticed the interested look of a single neighbor;
- stopped reveling in songs about unhappy unrequited love.
If at least one of these signs appears in your joyless life, it means that the recovery process is going well.
Why do you have to break up with your loved one?
A woman understands the inevitability of a breakup almost immediately when the relationship ceases to bring satisfaction. But an internal struggle begins, denial of what is happening. This is understandable, because the mind is not ready for change, and partners are kept in a relationship by mutual emotional dependencies, habit or fear of loneliness.
READ Infatuation and love: the difference between two psychological concepts
Even if it is possible to delay the admission of defeat, that is, the termination of the relationship, it is impossible to prevent a break. The sooner a fateful decision is made, the more chances and opportunities for real happiness open up for the two partners. Breakup does not happen spontaneously, it has reasons:
- A man found another woman and fell in love with her - there is no point in saving the relationship.
- Frequent infidelity is another reason when it is better to break up.
- Conflicts in the family that never find a constructive resolution.
- The initiator of the separation is the beloved man.
- There is toxic attachment or dependency in the relationship. This connection leads to emotional exhaustion and burnout.
- The partners no longer have the same life goals, values and priorities.
- The couple cannot find a common language on fundamental issues.
- The man suffers from addictions and addictions.
Relationships can be terminated for no apparent reason, for example, if the partner made such a decision. Many couples begin to develop relationships, guided by passion, fear of loneliness and other reasons, the elimination of which leads to a breakup. But if a girl continues to love, then, regardless of the reasons, the breakup will be especially painful for her.
For rehabilitation
When you wake up one morning, you will feel that you now know how to stop loving your husband. To do this you need to take several steps:
- find a dress in your closet that you liked, but your spouse didn’t like;
- tidy up your hair;
- To do makeup;
- smile at your reflection in the mirror and go have fun.
It's time to get out of the state of depression and melancholy. Allow yourself something that has always given you pleasure, but was forbidden.
An aimless walk around the city, a piece of sweet cake, buying a new lipstick can work wonders and lift your spirits, better than any persuasion or sympathetic glances.
How to fall out of love quickly: emergency measures
A quick recovery from failure in love is possible, but it requires enormous effort and strong-willed decisions.
If a woman is ready to work on her emotional well-being and radically change her life after a breakup, there are 5 steps to take:
- It is important to recognize the very fact of separation, its irrevocability.
- It is necessary to critically evaluate your past relationships, focusing on the negative aspects, in order to feel satisfaction as a result of getting rid of these things.
- It is worth appreciating all the benefits of a free position, the chances for true happiness, personal development and life without suffering from unrequited love.
- It is important to make the final decision to turn your life in the right direction, where there will be nothing but forward movement and happiness.
- It is necessary to act - this is the only way any technique will work. Don't focus too much on theory. Even the wrong steps forward will be more effective than studying the issue for many hours.
Falling out of love with a person is not always easy, so you should be patient and prepare yourself for the fact that it will hurt. But there is no need to exaggerate, because everything passes. Love is a complex of biochemical reactions that will fade away over time, you just have to eliminate from your life what stimulates this internal process.
READ How to get rid of falling in love: useful recommendations
Strictly prohibited
To avoid a relapse of love torment, you should remember what you should never do:
- Seek salvation in alcoholic drinks. Alcohol intoxication only worsens the condition. And if you feel bad, then after drinking it will be much worse.
- Coming up with an excuse to call or text your husband. Remember: bridges are burned.
- Make attempts at reconciliation. It is unlikely that it will be possible to establish friendly communication, and returning to close relationships is simply dangerous.
Why is it difficult to stop loving your ex-husband?
In the event of a divorce, official bodies issue a certificate of divorce, but not of love. But what if the love for your ex-husband has not yet passed? How to stop loving a person who no longer loves you? To begin with, we suggest you understand this concept: unrequited love.
It seems so simple: to stop loving your ex-husband, with whom so many unpleasant moments are associated. But it’s not for nothing that people say that you can’t command your heart. They love not for something, but in spite of it. All negative emotions pass, but love remains. But, if love is a bright feeling, why does a person feel sad and hurt?
Recent research has shown that we feel emotional injury in the same way (and sometimes in the same part of our brain) as we feel physical injury. According to a team of researchers from the University of Michigan, emotional pain activates the same part of the brain as physical pain. It turns out that the sensations are approximately the same.
This may be of some comfort, but know that you are not alone. According to psychologists, 98% of people have suffered from unrequited love at one time or another. Of course, each of them lived this moment in their own way. It all depends on the individual characteristics of a person: his sensitivity, character, emotionality.
The most dangerous thing in unrequited love is a person’s tendency to introspection. As a rule, a person, especially a woman, cannot think constructively at this moment. A woman usually tends to ask herself painful questions. What is your ex-husband doing now? Who is he with? Does he think about me? Why doesn't he love me?
Since there are no satisfactory answers to these questions, the woman begins to calm herself down with food: ice cream, cookies, alcohol, which makes her feel even worse. She begins to destroy herself with self-criticism and complaints about life. Of course, there will be people who want to help in difficult times, but a lot depends on the person himself. The position of the victim drives you into a dead end from which it is difficult to get out.
Research also proves that in the case of unrequited love, not only the one who loves suffers, but also the one who does not love. The latter in this case experience a feeling of guilt and anxiety.
