What to do if you stop loving your husband: leave or stay

Why did I stop loving my husband?

And one day a woman may suddenly realize that she no longer loves her husband. She doesn’t want to do something nice for him and please him as before. Sex becomes a tedious task.

Everything about my husband begins to irritate him:

Manner of speaking and behaving
Laziness
Sloppyness
Spending

The reasons for cooling feelings can be different:

Dissimilar lifestyles and everyday habits.
Alcohol or drug addiction of the husband.
Disagreements in raising children.
Difficult relationships with the spouse's relatives.
Difficult character of the husband (unreasonable jealousy, constant nagging).
Unacceptable behavior of a husband for a wife.
Emotional immaturity of a woman when entering into marriage.

Feelings have faded
However, a situation is also possible when the husband is not a tyrant at all, has excellent qualities, and there is absolutely no scandal or quarrel in the family. It is quite possible to fall out of love even with an ideal man. It’s just that the woman has lost the sharpness of sensations, and the warmth has gone from her heart towards the person who was once dear and loved.

Psychologists note that the lady is usually the first to begin to feel bored in a marriage. In addition, it is no secret that a married man often relaxes and stops caring for his wife. She begins to suffer from lack of attention, which can result in dislike for her husband.

The basis of marriage is made up of four aspects:

What each spouse brings from their family lineage.
Experience of past relationships with other partners.
Relationship between husband and wife.
Possibility of further development.

The fourth aspect is extremely important for maintaining love between spouses. There must be something in their life together that fascinates them both and moves them forward together. If this is absent in the family, then the fading of feelings is inevitable.

If you fall out of love

Leaving the family is not acceptable for all women. Many people are hesitant to take such a step. In addition, psychologists often view such a decision not only as an attempt to get rid of difficult relationships, but also as a desire to get away from oneself. That is, a woman resolves her internal conflict by changing external factors.

Have you fallen out of love or are you just tired?

Having met a guy, a girl is usually euphoric, because she has met a real prince who is able to fulfill her every whim. On this wave, young people get married, and the first year of marriage seems to them like a continuous honeymoon. The newly-made wife stubbornly does not notice the shortcomings of her chosen one, continuing to idealize him as before.

But life goes on, the routine of everyday life sucks you in, and the husband increasingly begins to show his true essence, which he carefully hid before the wedding. And the wife gradually begins to “see the light”, wondering whether she chose the right man, because there are many more worthy candidates around, and the husband turned out to be not so ideal in reality.

Gradually, irritation towards the spouse accumulates - he eats incorrectly, speaks incorrectly, dresses poorly, does not tidy things up after himself, and in terms of sex he turned out to be not as strong a macho as he was before the wedding. And this clot of negativity can soon lead to a serious explosion and even a break in the relationship.

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And if a woman also “turns on” her mother instead of her wife and devotes all her time to the child, forgetting even to prepare dinner for her husband who has returned from work, then scandals and finding out who is boss in the house cannot be avoided.

If you begin to spend less and less time together, don’t call each other during the day, don’t plan joint vacations or family celebrations, you don’t care about intimacy with your spouse, but want to try it with another man, you don’t need to justify yourself and think that all this is happening due to fatigue. In fact, you simply stopped loving your husband, or rather, you once fell in love with the wrong person.

How to determine your feelings for your husband: have you really fallen out of love?

You should treat the fact that your love for your husband is gone calmly and rationally. First of all, you need to understand yourself and analyze your own feelings and emotions. It is important to understand whether love is really gone or if it just seems to you.

There are different reasons for cooling off towards your spouse:

Perhaps there is a crisis in your family. Psychologists say that it happens after three years of marriage. During the first year, a young couple gets used to each other, learns the habits of their other half and faces the shortcomings of their loved one.
Next year, irritation may appear because the spouse turned out to be not as ideal as it seemed before the wedding. And after three years of marriage, scandals often break out and the spouses begin to sort things out. Under these conditions, many people have the feeling that the love for their other half is gone. However, a crisis is an absolutely natural stage in a relationship. The same situation will happen with a new man.

Love has passed

You recently became a mother. Often after the birth of a child, a woman begins to feel that she no longer loves her husband. The former tenderness leaves the relationship between the spouses, intimate intimacy becomes more rare. In fact, it’s just that for a young mother, the baby’s needs become a priority. In addition, her feminine principle is supplanted by the maternal principle.
You compare yourself with friends and acquaintances who, in your opinion, are happier in their relationships with their husbands . But every family is unique and, as you know, happy in its own way. Perhaps your relationship with your husband, although not as passionate and sensual, is much stronger and warmer than that of others. There can be no examples in love. And focusing on other people's relationships never leads to success.
Sometimes the reason for cooling is simply boredom. When your family is outwardly prosperous, but nothing new and interesting happens in life. Life goes on in an ordinary circle, where there is no place for bright emotions and sensations. In such circumstances, you may feel that the marriage is unsuccessful and you no longer love your husband.
Distinguish the bouquet and candy period from ordinary family life. It is clear that at the beginning of a relationship everything is always romantic and bright. And then everyday life begins, which is not so colorful: flowers are given only on holidays, trips to the theater and cinema are replaced by gatherings in front of the TV, everyday problems begin. The couple is weighed down by the burden of mutual disagreements and difficulties. During this period, a woman often thinks that love has left the relationship. In fact, the feelings did not go away, standard family life just began. The more years you live together, the more difficult it is to maintain ease of feelings towards each other.
The reason for the cooling of your love for your husband may be your own laziness . Believing that your husband is not going anywhere, you stopped trying for him, somehow surprising him and trying to please him. And the less we invest in another person, the less we value them.
A depressed state and an indifferent attitude towards everything can also cause thoughts that there is no love. Take tests to determine depression, consult a psychologist. Timely detection of a problem is the key to successfully getting rid of it.

What feelings
How not to get confused in such complex feelings? Ask yourself a few questions that will help you understand whether you love your husband or not:

Do you imagine yourself being happy with him in other circumstances: in a new apartment, with more income, with a housekeeper?
Are there qualities in your spouse that you do not accept in men: rudeness, ignorance, sloppiness, rudeness?
If the initiative to separate came from your husband, what feelings would it cause in you: joy, pain, anger, sadness?
What would you do if the opportunity presented itself to arrange your life in the most favorable way for you, but your significant other would feel unhappy?
Imagine your life without your husband. Will your life really get better?

Answering these questions honestly will help you understand yourself and your relationship with your spouse. Only careful self-analysis will allow you to determine what to do next.

How to understand that a wife has stopped loving her husband

There are women who openly say that love has passed and they are not satisfied with their current relationship. However, some, for one reason or another, do not want to ruin their family by continuing to live with an unloved person. Perhaps they are already thinking through an “escape plan” or are simply waiting for the right moment to leave.

How to understand that your wife has fallen out of love? The following signs usually indicate this:

Constant scandals and quarrels. Most often they happen without a good reason. The wife finds fault with little things. She is annoyed by almost every action of her husband. She constantly expresses her grievances and blames him for all sins;
Avoiding sex. Each time a woman finds more and more reasons to refuse sex with her husband. Either she has a headache, or she is too tired, or she is not in the mood. As a result, sex becomes very rare or disappears from the relationship altogether;

Reluctance to do something for my husband. The woman stops caring for her husband. Cooking a delicious dinner or ironing a shirt - now she just doesn’t want to do it;
Indifference. The wife no longer asks any questions. She doesn’t care at all how her husband is doing at work or why he came later than usual today. All conversations come down to solving everyday issues;
The desire to spend leisure time separately. If previously a wife enjoyed going to the cinema or a cafe with her husband, now she is better off having fun in the company of her friends. She increasingly leaves home alone, and refuses her husband’s proposals to go somewhere together;
Lack of desire to look attractive. It becomes absolutely unimportant for a woman what she looks like at home. She dresses up only when she goes out somewhere without her husband;
Flirting with other men. The woman begins to flirt and communicate with other men. Her mood noticeably improves if someone in the company pays attention to her or gives her a compliment.

It is possible to say with confidence that the spouse’s feelings have cooled only if several of the signs listed above are present at once. After all, for example, simply refusing sex can indicate health problems or chronic fatigue, and does not at all mean that the wife has stopped loving her husband.

To leave or to stay: what to do if you realize that you have stopped loving your husband?

You shouldn't make hasty decisions. Try to wait out this period of internal contradictions. Perhaps your “dislike” for your spouse will develop into a tender and warm friendship. A no less strong union is built on relationships of friendship and support than on emotions and passion.

Before you decide to divorce, you need to consider all the consequences of such a decision:

Unknown future. Is there a guarantee that you will find a man better than your spouse and be happy with him? Every person has their own shortcomings. The new husband will be no exception. And you will again have to get used to other people's habits.
The likelihood is that the new feelings will also pass over time. What then? Are you looking for a new passion again? Love often develops into tender affection and friendship. If you and your husband have a warm relationship, maybe you shouldn’t destroy such closeness?
Raising a child in an incomplete family. Think about how your decision will affect the child’s psychological state. Will you be able to create comfortable conditions for its development and provide everything necessary?
Refusal of comfort, material and psychological. Think carefully about what you will lose after a divorce. Are you ready to live without it?

Have fallen out of love
Make sure that the love for your husband has really passed. That your feelings now are not caused by your fatigue, temporary difficulties or the inattention of your spouse.

It is much easier to destroy a relationship than to build it. Are you ready to give up what you've been building for years? Are your strength and endurance enough for this? Will you regret your broken family in a few years?

Leave or stay

Which is correct? Everyone decides for themselves. If a girl is confident in her abilities, her beauty, then why torture herself in an unhappy marriage? She can still meet a worthy life partner with whom she will be happy. But there are also unpleasant moments in parting:

The unknown. No one guarantees that the new person will be better than the old one. To figure out what a new partner will be like, you need to live with him for at least 3 years. And if it does not live up to expectations, then you will again plunge into disappointment.
The likelihood of feelings passing through. There is a possibility that the feelings will pass again, what will you do then? Will you leave again and look for a new life partner? Love is not only passion and brightness of emotions. Over time, it develops into respect and devotion. Ah, this, in my opinion, is the most important thing in a relationship. If you have achieved such qualities in your marriage, you should not ruin it; not everyone can achieve this.
Time does not stand still. How old are you? When men are not yet 30 years old, you still have a high probability of meeting a decent, good man among them, but after overcoming this age, problems may arise. He may have children, be passionate about his own hobbies, which he would never change, or simply be already married. Why exchange your own husband for such a person?
Growing up as a child without a father. When there is a child in the family, are you ready to leave him to grow up without the attention of his father? Are you sure you have enough strength and ability to give him everything he needs? Whatever one may say, the family will not be complete. If you are not confident in your abilities, then breaking up would be a stupid thing to do. This, of course, is in a situation where you can continue to live together without love, your partner is not disgusting to you and there is intimacy with him. You must understand that the stepfather will, in any case, treat the child worse than the natural father.

I gave an example of the most common disadvantages, but there are many more of them and they are all individual. First consider what you have to lose. Take your time, make sure 100% that you no longer have feelings for your husband. The main thing is not to run away from your husband due to simple misunderstanding, inattention and fatigue, this will pass over time, and the mistake will already be made.

One of the best ways to rekindle old feelings is to restore passion in your relationship with your husband.

If you have already separated, but now realize that you made a mistake, the article “how to get your relationship back with your loved one after a breakup” will help you.

How to return love to your husband?

When there are doubts in a woman’s heart about her own feelings, and the thought of divorce does not evoke joyful emotions, this means that love for her husband has not completely faded and she just needs to overcome the crisis.

If you feel that you have stopped loving your husband, but have decided to save the family, work on your feelings for your husband. Try to awaken your former love for him:

Be sincere with your spouse. Don't be afraid to discuss the problem. Admit to your husband that your feelings have cooled a little, but he is still dear to you. Perhaps after this he will be afraid of losing you and will begin to show more attention. Have heart-to-heart conversations more often, share everything that is happening in your life. Heartfelt conversations will help you discover new qualities in your husband.
Remember how your spouse made you feel at the beginning of the relationship . Why did you love him? Most likely, these qualities remained in him to this day. Try to pay more attention to its merits.
Think about the fact that at one time you married for love, and then something began to dissatisfy you in the relationship and irritate you. Determine what exactly. And think about how you can change the situation to remove the factors that irritate you as much as possible.

How to get your feelings back

Make a list of what you and your spouse have accomplished during your marriage. Put aside grievances and petty disagreements. Write down on paper all the good things that happened in your life thanks to your husband: children, home, travel. Remember all the pleasant events that happened to you over the years together.
Think about how marriage has shaped you as a person. Maybe your husband helped you find a job, influenced your choice of profession, introduced you to new hobbies, revealed your feminine side, invested money in your education or appearance. Remember only the positive things your spouse has done for you. What can you thank him for? Learn to show gratitude.
Discuss with your partner what is stopping your relationship from growing . Try to listen to each other without mutual reproaches and insults. What is preventing you from overcoming the crisis in your family? Think together about what new things you can bring to your marriage?
Stop comparing your partner to other men. There will always be those who are richer, more beautiful, more successful. Better try to inspire your husband to new achievements: open a business, get a second education, start traveling. And help him in this field in every possible way.
Remember when your spouse began to annoy you? Maybe those qualities that irritate you so much in him appeared due to a lack of your attention and affection? Men always suffer from a lack of love, because of this their character deteriorates. Find strength in yourself and try to become more gentle towards your husband, accept him for who he is. Your spouse will reciprocate and make you happier.
Don't try to change your husband . Changes must start with yourself. Sort out your soul, find something to do, a hobby. Something that can distract you from painful thoughts and disrupt your life routine. It is quite possible that seeing your success, your husband will also begin to change for the better.
If passion has disappeared from your sex life, try to revive it yourself : use lace lingerie, scented candles. Realize that you are not doing this for your spouse, but for yourself. Think first of all about your own pleasure. And invite your husband to share the pleasant sensations with you.

No need to redo it

Look for common ground with your other half: listen to music together, read books out loud, walk in the park. Joint activities bring husband and wife closer and allow them to better understand each other. Find common hobbies and common goals. This will unite you and your husband. Your life will be enriched with new events, knowledge, and victories.

What to do if your wife has fallen out of love: advice from a psychologist and effective recommendations

If the spouse openly says that her feelings have faded away, or there are all signs of this on her face, the question arises of what to do if the wife has fallen out of love. Here it is important to decide whether it makes sense to fight to preserve the relationship. Living with a person who has fallen out of love is worth it only if you have a firm intention to revive his faded feelings. Otherwise, such an alliance is doomed to failure.

So what to do if your wife has fallen out of love? The psychologist’s advice and recommendations in this regard are as follows:

Find out what a woman doesn't like about you. To do this, you need to talk frankly without quarrels and scandals. Even if you don’t like what you hear, try to calmly perceive the information and listen to your spouse’s position;
Do not put pressure on your wife or beg her to save the marriage. It is important to tell your spouse that the relationship is very important to you and you do not want a divorce, but the choice is still hers. For a while it is necessary to let her go, to do the so-called reboot of the relationship;
Change and start improving yourself. To reawaken your wife's interest, you need to remember what attracted her to you at the beginning of the relationship. It is likely that you have changed a lot now and are completely different from you a few years ago. Try to awaken in yourself those qualities that your wife once liked so much. Also, start improving yourself. Sign up for a gym or swimming pool, learn a new profession or start doing something you've always dreamed of;
Try to eliminate the reason that led to the fading of feelings. Here the actions depend on each specific situation. For example, if a man earned little, and most of the conflicts arose due to lack of money, try to look for a higher paying job. It may be worth taking advanced training courses or radically changing your field of activity. It is important that the cause be eliminated permanently, and not for some time. Otherwise, your spouse will become even more convinced that you are not the person she needs;
Bring romance back into your relationship. Treat your wife to a romantic dinner or take her on a date to the place where you had your first kiss. Give flowers for no reason, shower the woman with compliments, show that she is still interesting and desirable to you.

Getting your feelings back if your wife has fallen out of love and wants a divorce is not so easy. This process can take quite a long time. The woman must believe that you have really changed and are ready to start the relationship from scratch.

For a number of reasons, it sometimes happens that a woman’s feelings for her own husband fade away. You can notice this without waiting for the moment when the wife declares her desire to get a divorce. The sooner a man recognizes the signs that his wife has fallen out of love, the greater his chances of saving the marriage. Before thinking about what to do if a wife has stopped loving her husband and wants to divorce, it is important to understand whether the relationship is really worth fighting for, or whether divorce would be the most reasonable way out of this situation.

Author: Olga Vasilyeva. Photo: Instagram, Infastar, YouTube. If you are the author of one of the photos and do not agree with its publication, contact the administration and we will correct the error.

What to do if you stop loving your husband and the decision to separate is final?

In cases where it is not possible to restore the relationship, and the very thought of further life together with your husband is unbearable for you, leave. You should not torture yourself or your man. You have the right to change your life for the better. And give your spouse the opportunity to find a woman with whom he will be happy.

Don't do anything under pressure from family or out of fear of being judged by friends and family. Only you are responsible for your life. And we must create our own destiny ourselves.

Don't blame or reproach yourself for falling out of love with your spouse. You are a living person who cannot always cope with your emotions. Psychologists consider the fading of feelings as a natural process. Therefore, do not consider yourself ungrateful or a bad person.
In this situation, it is extremely important not to lose human qualities and personal dignity.

This is the end
If you decide to divorce your husband, make the separation less painful for both:

Don't give your spouse false hopes if you are firm in your decision.
Take care of your new place of residence in advance. You may have to move in with relatives or rent a house.
Discuss the division of joint property with your spouse. It is better to have the agreement notarized to avoid misunderstandings.
Discuss the terms of meetings with the child, with whom he will live, and whether the husband will help financially.
Tell your husband that you respect him and are grateful for everything he has done for you. Offer to remain friends. However, you should not rely heavily on his understanding. As a rule, a man feels anger and resentment when he learns that his wife is leaving because of her lack of love.

We wish you harmonious relationships, as well as success in overcoming crises and making the right decisions!

Advice from psychologists on fading feelings between spouses

Is it worth leaving your family if there is no love?

Psychologists believe that leaving the family is the easiest way to resolve the situation, but not the surest. Of course, if you and your husband have not had anything in common for a long time, and no one will regret the separation, it may be worth taking such a decisive step.

However, in most cases it is simply an escape from difficulties. Do not allow yourself to act so frivolously, because you once chose this person and married him. Has he really lost all the traits he possessed?

It’s better to start by changing your hairstyle, image and playing sports. This will distract you from gloomy thoughts and allow you to take a fresh look at the situation.

Time out to think about feelings for your husband

Give yourself some time to think, don't decide rashly. Sometimes what seems wrong today will turn out to be right tomorrow.

A momentary desire to admit that you have stopped loving your husband may simply be a reaction to difficulties in the relationship. Marriage is not always built on passion and love. Sometimes the basis is strong affection and mutual respect along with warm, sincere feelings.

Sincerity in family relationships

When an accomplished woman asks the question that she has fallen out of love with her husband - what to do, it plunges her into shock. Psychologists recommend not hiding feelings; it is best to speak confidentially with your spouse. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately declare dislike, especially since this may not be the case at all.

The more sincerity and openness in relationships, the easier it is to build them. Share with your other half not only positive things, but also open up about your experiences and fears.

How to save a marriage and love a man again: tips

Obviously, you have decided to try to renew the relationship. First of all, analyze whether your husband has feelings for you. Our other article will help you understand whether your husband loves you. You will learn how an indifferent man who does not care about his wife behaves. If there is love on his part, then solving the problem will be easier. Start by taking stock of your time together. Write on a piece of paper what you have achieved together, what didn’t work out, what are your plans for the future. Show it to your partner and agree to resolve all issues together.

The second point is to write down on paper everything that you don’t like about your husband and all the advantages. Ask him to do the same, only this time addressed to you. Then exchange notes and gradually work on problems, eliminating shortcomings.

It is very important in the process of building communication to constantly talk to each other and hear.

If the passage of feelings is dictated by the rudeness of a man, become more attentive to him: prepare a delicious dinner, take care of him. Over time, he will soften and begin to show signs of attention. Behave like a woman, accept male authority and trust your partner. You must be sincere. At the same time, you should not hide your attitude towards your husband; say openly that your feelings have cooled down, but he is close to you and you want to return your love. So the man will be afraid of losing you and will help you achieve your goal.

Also very important together:

Spend some free time;
relax on vacation, out of town or abroad;
do makeovers;
walk with a child;
have supper;
travel on business.

All this will help you get closer, which is exactly what you need!

And finally: do not ignore the family psychologist, whose consultations will require at least five.

How to leave your husband and start a new life

If our plan still doesn’t work or you simply don’t want to fight for feelings, don’t torture the person, leave.
But don’t slam the door, talk calmly with your husband, tell him that you respect him, that it was good with him, but something happened, and you want to start living on your own, a new relationship. Having heard about the breakup, the man will begin to persuade you to stay and change everything. If you have firmly decided to separate, do not give him hope.

It's great if you have your own place to live. Pack your things and go there. If you don’t have one, you can go to your parents or other relatives. Renting real estate is also worth considering as an option. Don’t wait too long (more than a month) to file for divorce, otherwise you may change your mind. Then:

Discuss with your husband all the nuances of the division of property (if there is joint property), who gets what. If you don’t find a common language, you’ll have to divide everything through the courts.
Agree on who the child will live with (if he has one) and the terms of visiting him.
Find out whether the man will participate in financing the child, voluntarily help with buying clothes, paying for vacations, education, etc. If not, then apply for alimony. To be on the safe side, it is still better to do this in any case.
Ask your husband not to talk about the details of the separation to family and friends.
Are you in a good relationship? Tell him that you are always ready to help him, that you want to remain friends with him.

Watch this video for actionable tips:

Love is a feeling that defies understanding. You can easily not notice it during family scandals and against the backdrop of painfully boring everyday life. And it is not always that which guarantees a happy life together; understanding, respect, and support for each other are much more important. This is the stronghold of relationships, and love comes and goes, so is it worth ruining everything for it?