How to stop loving someone: ways to kill love

Love addiction

Love addiction is the name given in psychology to a painful manifestation of love in which a person experiences strong passion and obsessive fixation on an object.

The longer this condition continues, the stronger the suffering that accompanies it becomes.

The most susceptible to “sick” love are both men and women who:

• felt a lack of parental love and attention in childhood;
• were subject to strict adult control;
• have deep (and not experienced) childhood psychological trauma;
• do not know how to make decisions independently;
• are not morally ready for a mature, full-fledged relationship;
• have low self-esteem, are fixated on their own shortcomings and are extremely unsure of themselves;
• are terrified of loneliness;
• feel defenseless and ready to submit.

How to get your loved one out of your head? You will find recommendations from psychologists on our website.

Reasonable approach

Do you feel that your relationship with your partner is bringing you less and less pleasure? If so, should you conclude that you now have no future? In no case! The next thought will reassure you: Experts say that such a decline is almost inevitable when two people date for a long period of time.

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“Even in the best of relationships, there will be a decline,” explains Los Angeles-based therapist Dr. Gary Brown. Not very nice, right? You must have thought that your life would always be fun and colorful? If yes, then it's time to take off your rose-colored glasses.

What's more, Dr. Brown insists that such a downturn can be beneficial for your relationship in the long run. What benefits are we talking about?

Sick love - psychology

As a rule, a person with a love addiction (as well as a drug addict and alcoholic) is not aware of the existing problem, firmly believing that the feelings he experiences are true love.

At the same time, his emotional peace and comfort directly depends on the other person - his mood, presence, proximity.

Often separation (even if temporary) becomes a blow , followed by apathy and depression. All this leads to inhibition of a person’s personal growth, and sometimes to his complete degradation.

You can identify sick love using characteristic signs:

• a constant painful feeling of mental pain, even if the object is nearby;
• non-stop and intrusive memories of the object during the period of separation;
• complete idealization of the object, inflated expectations in relation to it and categorical justification of any of its actions;
• obsessive panic fear of losing the object of love.

Causes

What could be the reason why your relationship is experiencing a decline? The aforementioned Sarah Shevitz, a relationship expert, shares, “Everyday life can often become hectic—it's easy to lose sight of what's important to you and stop investing in your relationship. Family relationships are like a construction project: it's a huge, serious effort every day. It's easy to let your relationship fall by the wayside if you don't put in the effort. Think about what you can do to keep things fresh and interesting in your relationship.”

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There are many reasons why a crisis may have occurred in your relationship. In addition to having children, Dr. Shevitz explains that factors such as busy work schedules, frequent conflicts, long-term physical or mental illnesses, and even simple fatigue from routine play an important role. All this can contribute to weakening the relationship.

Dr. Brown shares, “The lack of good feelings, surprises, and openly expressed gratitude can be compared to the appearance of rust. It is quietly eating away at your relationships and can destroy your once strong bonds.”

Is it possible to fall out of love in one day?

The only right decision that a person suffering from addictive love can make is to fight this addiction.

It is often quite difficult to do this on your own and only a specialist - a psychologist or psychotherapist - can provide real help.

In any case, the first and most significant step is to recognize the “painfulness” of the feeling you are experiencing.

The main goal of therapy is to stop loving the object, free yourself from addiction and begin to live a full life. But how to stop loving a person? And is it possible to do this? In the case of love addiction, falling out of love means realizing that the feeling you are experiencing is not love, but a disease.

And since a person’s feelings and actions directly depend on his thoughts, with correct thinking “in the right direction,” after some time there will be no trace left of painful love - the person will gradually begin to come to his senses, being reborn to a new and happy life .

Undoubtedly, every person who has seen the light from “painful” love strives to “cure” as soon as possible, falling out of love with the object of his feelings as soon as possible.

But healing and recovery from any illness is a rather long process , the duration of which is purely individual in each specific case: for some it will take weeks, for others it will take months.

impossible to stop loving a person in one day !

Is it easy to forget a person who doesn't love you?

Falling out of love is never easy. Often people, even knowing full well that a relationship or an unrequited feeling brings nothing but disappointment and resentment, cherish the hope that sooner or later everything will miraculously change for the better.

This position is fundamentally wrong, because the current situation requires drastic measures :

1. The realization that unrequited love is the most hopeless feeling, which is very difficult to control.
2. Accepting that this happened, but that no one is to blame.
3. Making a list of reasons why you should stop loving someone.
   At the same time, it is important to look at things soberly and be as honest as possible, recalling even the most “insignificant” situations, the memories of which evoke painful feelings.

How to stop loving? 3 ways to remove feelings:

How to understand that it's time to stop loving

Sooner or later, the couple faces difficulties that need to be solved together. Is it worth trying for a relationship?

There are criteria by which you can understand that the best way out of the situation is separation:

1. Different goals in life. If your loved one gradually fades into the background, then it’s time to remove him from your life. There are many conflicts and misunderstandings on the way to common dreams, but the presence of common goals justifies the need to be together.
2. Loss of sexual attraction. Having lived together for several years, it is naive to expect the passionate fervor of first sex from each other. Stress and everyday worries make adjustments to relationships. If you notice that you are constantly looking for a way to avoid intimacy or your beloved girl is disgusting, then this is a serious reason to think about it.
3. Loss of trust in each other. Regular lies in a relationship can provoke a crisis and also make it impossible to trust people. Trust can be restored if both partners wish. If your loved one constantly gives you reason to doubt your sincerity, think about why you need this. Being together just for the sake of a relationship is the worst option. Partners should be comfortable with each other.
4. Negativity predominates. If there are more fights than kisses, tears overshadow the laughter, and discomfort consumes the “butterflies in the stomach,” then it’s time to move on. Some relationships are not meant to last. They are given for experience.
5. Rudeness and lack of respect. The mistake in this case would be to hold on to the relationship and silently endure humiliation.

The last nail in the coffin is the realization that the person with whom you were ready to connect your whole life has become a stranger.

READ Nonverbal signs of a man in love hiding his love

What to do?

Advice from psychologists:

1. How to stop loving a guy who doesn't need you ?
   Unrequited love is not uncommon. Usually in such a situation, women tend to idealize their loved one, endowing him with traits that he, in fact, does not possess. To stop loving such a person, the main thing is to open your eyes and realize that he has a lot of shortcomings. Take a piece of paper and write down all its advantages. And then - the shortcomings, remembering every unpleasant situation associated with him. As a rule, at the end of the process, the understanding comes that the person is not as ideal as it seemed at first glance. Carry with you a part of the sheet with shortcomings and re-read it every time a “wave of melancholy” begins to cover you.
2. How to stop loving a girl you love very much? It takes time to fall out of love and forget a person.
   Moreover, at this time it is important to direct all your strength and emotions to work, study, sports, recreation, entertainment, and travel. There is no need to blame anyone for what happened. Let the current situation become an incentive to improve and improve yourself, but not for the sake of that girl, but for the sake of new, harmonious relationships that will definitely appear in your life.
3. How to get rid of the feeling of falling in love with a married woman? Realizing that being infatuated with a married woman is “wrong,” you need to act immediately and sharply . If the relationship has already begun, make a firm decision not to call or cross paths. And then - immersion in work, new hobbies, sports and a minimum of free time for painful thoughts.
4. How to stop loving a married man? First of all, you should ask yourself the question: why do I need this love? What will I get in the future?
   As a rule, married men very rarely leave their family, and by continuing to love him, you doom yourself to constant waiting, torment and jealousy. Realize that such love is destructive. After all, “your” person is waiting somewhere, whom fate cannot bring to you precisely because of the presence of a dependent feeling in life.

   Stop any relationship with a married man. Change your phone number. Suffer a little, and then change your haircut, buy a new perfume, handbag and go to yoga (fitness, swimming). Try to spend more time outside the home and communicate with new people.

5. How to stop loving your lover if you yourself are married? First, it’s worth understanding what exactly caused such love.
   To do this, you need to write on a piece of paper the sensations that a woman experiences next to her lover. But on the second sheet - next to my husband. Afterwards, it is important to realize that love for another man is a destructive feeling that should be gotten rid of. You just need to want to get rid of it, completely isolating yourself from communication with him. And most importantly, learn to feel fully not “next to someone” but “on your own.”
6. How to kill love for your wife? When family life does not work out, the only solution seems to be divorce. But even after this, a man may still have feelings for his wife that prevent him from moving on. What should I do? First of all, you should accept the situation as a given and work on your low self-esteem. At the same time, it is important to limit in every possible way (or better yet, stop altogether) any communication, at least for a while. Immersion in work, hobbies, and also the removal from visible availability of any objects reminiscent of a happy family life will help you get distracted.
7. How to stop loving your husband while living with him? Often, spouses continue to live as one family even when living together becomes unbearable due to constant quarrels, reproaches, physical or psychological violence from the man, and his addiction to alcohol. The woman continues to endure and even love her husband “for the sake of the children.” To break the vicious circle of pain and suffering, it is necessary to weigh the pros and cons of such an existence, and perhaps make the only right decision to leave. The main thing is to realize that this is no longer love, but rather the fear of being alone. You can turn to a psychologist, or try to raise your self-esteem with the help of psychotrainings, and, freed from painful addiction, take a decisive step towards a new and free life.
8. How to stop loving your ex-husband? Both are always to blame for the breakdown of a relationship, so you should absolutely not engage in self-criticism and blame yourself for everything. Moreover, call your ex-spouse and ask for forgiveness. In the first time after breaking up, it is better to exclude all contacts and remove all reminders of him out of sight. It is preferable to take care of your appearance, updating your wardrobe, visiting public places, and various events.
   The main thing is to be busy every minute, not letting self-pity and the bitterness of loss overwhelm you.

   You need to love yourself, feeling free and independent - only after that new relationships will come into life on their own.

9. How to stop loving a womanizer? First of all, answer the question: is there a need for love that is saturated with jealousy, pain and suffering? If not, then feel free to tell the person about it. You need to be persistent and categorical and every time you suddenly have doubts about the correctness of your action, remember all the negative moments of communication with him. The main thing is to understand that every woman deserves a sincere, real, deep feeling, which will certainly appear after getting rid of painful love.
10. How to force yourself to stop loving your classmate's boy? The main thing is not to let yourself become fixated on the object of your feelings. Most often, at school age, girls tend to idealize their chosen one, so it’s worth taking a closer look at him: he probably has a couple of shortcomings that were difficult to guess before. It is also necessary to direct your energy in a different direction: devote more time to studying, self-development, your appearance, hobbies, and also communicate with peers as often as possible.

How to erase feelings? Advice from a professional psychologist:

If you see him every day

How do you stop loving someone you see every day or work with? The folk wisdom “out of sight, out of mind” was not invented in vain. It is much easier and faster to stop loving a person who is not “looming” on the horizon.

But what if your beloved (but already former) person is a neighbor, classmate or colleague, with whom daily communication is inevitable and painful?

Some, faced with a similar dilemma, choose the path of least resistance: change their place of residence, university or job.

But there is another way to get rid of love for a person you see every day. It may take a lot of time , but in the end it will completely free you from the “unnecessary” feeling. It consists of three main stages:

1. Detachment from the situation. Awareness and acceptance are a key step towards the main goal. If there is a breakup with a person, it is necessary to put an end to the relationship. If the situation allows, you can openly talk with your ex-partner about the fact that the breakup is not easy for you, every meeting is very painful and therefore it would be better to minimize communication, respecting each other’s personal boundaries. If you can’t talk, or the target doesn’t even know about your feelings, you can use paper, write on it everything you would like to say, and then burn it. To avoid accumulating emotions, keep a diary in which you describe all the feelings that overwhelm you. Sometimes it is enough to “cry” enough to feel relief and a surge of strength. To get rid of awkwardness during a meeting, you can mentally “rehearse” your own behavior in certain circumstances - this will allow you not to succumb to panic when meeting, but to behave confidently and calmly.
2. Developing a positive lifestyle. Liberation from painful love is a wonderful opportunity to open up new possibilities for yourself.
   Control your own thoughts as much as possible: as soon as they begin to carry you away into memories, immediately change their direction, making plans for the future. In order not to become limp, you need to train your acting skills and make it a rule “in public” to keep yourself in good shape, radiating goodwill, openness and positivity. If it is difficult to do this at first, over time this behavior will become a habit and will protect you from “pitying” and sympathetic looks and conversations that only aggravate the situation.
3. Forward movement. Changing your image, a new hobby, buying a swimming pool membership or enrolling in English courses is a great reason to meet new people and change your usual environment. The main thing is to do all this not for the sake of returning the past, but for the sake of attracting new feelings and relationships into life. If the unpleasant aftertaste from painful love continues to weigh heavily, you can turn to a psychologist to work through problematic issues together and get rid of the obsessive feeling forever.

How to stop loving and forget the person you love? Deliverance from spiritual illness:

The concepts of “love”, “infatuation” and “passion”

There are such concepts as “love”, “being in love” and “passion”. Very often people confuse them and begin to mistake one for the other.

Love is a deep and true feeling, tested by time spent together with a loved one (after all, this is the only way we can get to know a person, and ultimately, fall in love). This concept also includes two others: first, people feel in love, which is characterized by “rose-colored glasses.” A person in love begins to see himself in another person, feels that he has found a haven for soul and body, that he is understood. At such moments, people do not see their partner truly, as he really is; he appears to them the way they themselves want to draw him. This is just a short-lived illusion, after which you begin to discern the true face of a person, which often brings disappointment: we realize that we were mistaken. However, the test of time does not always disappoint: if we love, then it will be important for us to get to know and understand this person, we will love him for real. Falling in love is an attachment not to a person, but to an image; the desire for a person to meet certain standards and criteria that we like.

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Due to the inability of people to love with open eyes, human relationships often stop at the stage of falling in love. Passion, as a feeling separate from love and infatuation, characterizes a person from the side of his sexual instincts.
A relationship with a person cannot be built on passion alone. Very often people instill in themselves a feeling of love out of fear of being alone, a feeling of loneliness, a desire to possess someone and have power over someone.

So, you first need to determine at what stage your unrequited feelings are, and only then decide what to do with them. If you feel love or passion, then it will quickly pass as soon as you observe the person, realize your feelings, your lust and reluctance to see the person’s true face.

How to get rid of thoughts about your loved one?

The power of thought can have a powerful influence on our lives, both creating and destroying.

And even if it seems that a painful feeling for a person is a thing of the past, thoughts about the “former loved one” no, no, and even arise in the head, shamelessly violating the inner harmony.

A few simple techniques will help you get rid of obsessive thoughts:

• maximum occupancy . Plunging your head into work or study, you can direct your thoughts in the right direction. Let all your free time be occupied with something: dancing, yoga, sports, courses. Volunteer or charity work is a great way to drive away sad thoughts;
• being among people. No matter how much you would like to wrap yourself in a warm blanket and indulge in sad memories, you absolutely should not do this. On the contrary, you should try to spend any free minute outside the home. A theatre, exhibition, nightclub, cinema, or just a get-together with friends will not only drive away obsessive thoughts, but will also help you recharge with positive energy;
• work on yourself. Often it is low self-esteem that leads to the fact that a person cannot “let go” of a painful feeling, constantly returning mentally to his experiences.
  Special psychological literature aimed at self-knowledge, self-improvement and self-acceptance will help you get rid of this.
• positive statements. When obsessive thoughts creep into your head, take a pen and write them down. And then re-read and try to reformulate each of them so that it has a positive meaning. Fold this sheet into a beautiful envelope and carry it with you, rereading it every time as soon as “unnecessary” thoughts make themselves felt again.