What is it and when does it come?
First love is a sincere and pure feeling, inspiring and uplifting.
If it is mutual , then it can paint a person’s life in bright colors and make him truly happy.
It is important in our lives, because it is also an important experience. It is during his first love that a person learns to build relationships with the opposite sex.
It can come in childhood, but, as a rule, it is very fleeting. Most often, when people hear the words “first love,” they remember their teenage years and high school.
Suddenly your whole world begins to revolve around one person and everything else fades into the background. Your heart is filled with joy, you feel warmth and tenderness in your soul.
You constantly remember a specific person, strive to see him as soon as possible. This is how first love comes.
Does first love have to be unhappy? Find out from the video:
Is it true that a feeling is not forgotten and why?
There is a widespread belief that first love can never be forgotten, even after 30-50 years. The reasons for this are as follows :
- This was your first strong sensory experience . You will compare all further feelings with him.
- As a rule, only pleasant emotions remain . Even after many years, you will remember her with tenderness, because this is the first feeling of joy from romantic feelings.
- There is also such a reason as incompleteness of relationships . You dreamed of marriage and came up with names for your future children, but for some reason the relationship came to an end. And now you think back on it and think about how things could have turned out if the relationship had continued. This is the feeling of incompleteness.
Is jealousy good or bad? Find out about this from our article.
Do men forget their first love? Find out from the video:
Why can't I forget?
One of the main difficulties of first love is that this feeling can emerge in memory even years after separation. Such echoes of the past prevent you from enjoying life and forming serious relationships. There are 3 main reasons why you can’t get past love out of your head.
There are feelings
It is difficult to forget love if it is still warm in the heart. This occurs more often with non-reciprocal feelings. When the couple was dating, everyone was happy, but one partner decided that they needed to break up.
If little time has passed since the breakup, constant thoughts about your ex-passion are normal. It takes about 6 months for a person to realize and accept a breakup.
But when bright feelings prevent you from enjoying life for many years, the problem may be psychological in nature. Fixation on a former relationship can drive you crazy. If there is a negative expression of love, it is better to seek help from a psychologist.
Painful separation
A bad breakup is one of the reasons that doesn’t allow you to put an end to your first love. The most acute sensations arise in cases where the separation was influenced by external circumstances:
- Moving to another city;
- censure of public opinion;
- pressure from mom and dad.
Painful separation in such cases is accompanied by a feeling of incompleteness and understatement. It is these feelings that push a person to find past love and close the gestalt.
Lots of pleasant emotions
Youthful experiences, romantic encounters and tender confessions that a person encounters during his first love will never be repeated. Many people cannot forget not the chosen ones themselves, but the feelings associated with them.
READ
Love and affection: distinctive features and criteria for assessing relationships
According to statistics, about 55% of women and 30% of men try to return their first lovers. Dreams of a wonderful future with these partners help to distance oneself from everyday worries and gray everyday life.
With age, people become more cynical and callous, deprive themselves of youthful enthusiasm, and stop enjoying little things. Memories of their first kiss, a walk under the moon, or a date in the park remind them of who they were in the past. Missing those times, a person is sad that he has changed, lost his youthful enthusiasm and carefreeness.
Is it possible to forget?
Many also wonder, is it even possible to forget your first love? Is this real?
In fact, this happens extremely rarely. After all, not only the first relationship, but also the first parting with the object of one’s feelings causes a lot of emotions and experiences.
All this leaves a deep imprint on the soul . Undoubtedly, over time everything passes, you begin to move on with your life. But memories periodically overtake you.
And yet, if you make an effort, you can learn to remember your first love at least less often. There are several tips that will help you with this. We'll look at them below.
How not to remember the past
Getting thoughts of your ex-love out of your head is not an easy task. You will have to take all your will into your fist to achieve a positive outcome. Don't expect everything to work out quickly and the first time. The main thing is not to give up, then pleasant emotions will not keep you waiting.
Stop communication
Often, former lovers offer to remain friends after the relationship. They do not understand that such actions not only give a person hope for restoring relationships, but also torment him. To forget love, you need to stop contact with your ex-passion:
- You should not write to your beloved on social networks, instant messengers, or call on the phone for any reason.
- It is necessary to distance yourself as much as possible from the life of this person. You should not try to find out through your friends about the affairs and new relationships of your beloved passion.
- If friends mention your lover in a conversation, you need to let the information fall on deaf ears. If you have a trusting relationship with your friends, it is better to ask them not to raise such topics.
- If the former chosen one makes contact on his own, then you need to openly talk to him about it and explain that communication brings pain, so it is better to stop it.
READ
Polygamy: history, reasons, pros and cons
The less your ex-love appears in your life, the faster peace will come.
Delete correspondence and photos
Having parted with a loved one, many people love to torment themselves with memories by looking through photographs and correspondence. You shouldn’t do this if you don’t want to be in constant mourning for a faded relationship.
The best way to forget your favorite passion is to get rid of everything that reminds you of her.
There is no need to hold on to the past. New photos will appear in place of old photos, and on social networks another person will wish you good morning. The faster you can get rid of old things, the sooner the doors will open for mutual feelings.
Don't meet
It is difficult to forget a person if you encounter him every day at work, at college or at a sports club. If possible, you need to minimize meetings with your ex-boyfriend as much as possible. You can do this in the following ways:
- You should not communicate with your lover without a good reason. If it is possible to avoid dialogue, then it is better to do so.
- In order not to cross paths again when moving around the building of a company or institute, you need to take other paths.
- If a guy or girl has a favorite vacation spot, you shouldn’t choose it for a hike with friends. It's better to choose another option for entertainment.
Is it worth going back to the past?
It often happens that a person cannot forget his first love for a long time.
As a result, he comes to the conclusion that maybe it was “that” feeling that once and for all.
And he begins to make attempts to renew his old relationship.
However, we often forget that some time has passed. You have changed, your first love is also a completely different person.
You have matured, changed your views on the world, gained some life experience. Therefore, in any case, the renewed relationship will not be similar to past feelings. And it is likely that you will be disappointed.
In addition, we tend to idealize our first love. And when faced with reality, we understand that it is far from our ideas . As a result, the relationship is destroyed, and that image from first love also no longer evokes pleasant memories.
So it is best not to renew past relationships, even if we are talking about first love.
What are the prospects for first love? About this in the video:
Advice from psychologists and practical recommendations
I can’t forget my first love: what should I do? So, as we found out, it is very difficult to forget your first love , but you still need to try to do it. Experts in the field of psychology give the following recommendations in this matter:
- Stop communication . How can you ever forget about something if you're still in touch? You need to follow your own paths and not cling to the past. So, if possible, stop any contact with your first love. If this cannot be avoided, try to at least limit them as much as possible.
- Accept your breakup. Perhaps you still have somewhere in the depths of your soul the hope that you will be together and everything will be as before. But the more you think about it and build such illusions, the more difficult it will be for you. Therefore, it is important to accept that this relationship is over, it cannot be returned and it is time to move on.
- Stop talking about your past partner . If you remember him in any conversation, then how can you forget? Therefore, you should watch your words, each time it will become easier and easier.
- Remember why you broke up .
If you just can’t get over the distance and keep thinking about your first love, then a good way to get rid of these shackles will be the reason for the end of your relationship. You can also remember what irritated you about your partner, which is why you fought. You cannot forget about your love just because you remember the good things and idealize those feelings. But there were certainly conflicts, there was something we didn’t like. Try to concentrate on this. - Stop making excuses for your partner . Perhaps the reason for the separation was betrayal or even betrayal on the part of your lover. And now you cannot forget about him, because you begin to justify his action. You start to think that you can close your eyes to this. Stop doing this! Think objectively, if he was able to do this once, then it will happen again.
- You have a chance for a happy relationship . Stop thinking that you will never meet such a person again and you will not be as comfortable with anyone.
- Take a break . Yes, at first you will often think about your past relationships. But if you constantly lie under the covers and think about how good things used to be, you will dig deeper and deeper into depressive thoughts. Try to somehow occupy yourself, get out of the house. It might even be worth going somewhere for a couple of weeks so that it reminds you of your former relationship as little as possible.
- Ask for help .
Yes, sometimes it's good to be alone with your thoughts. But if you just can’t let go of the situation, then you should seek help. Parents and friends will definitely respond to your call and help you take a new path. If you understand that everything has gone too far, then do not be afraid and do not hesitate to contact a psychologist! - Stop surveillance . There is no need to monitor your partner’s social networks or ask mutual friends about his every move. If possible, block your ex everywhere, and ask your friends to try not to mention him.
- Stay true to yourself . You may start to pretend that everything is fine and nothing is bothering you, but inside you will worry. Therefore, first it is better to turn to a loved one and talk it out. Then gradually return to your normal life.
- Use the breakup to your advantage . Instead of being sad, think better about what advantages have appeared and what opportunities have opened up for you. Now you can finally do what you have been planning for a long time. Maybe you wanted to learn something? Or try something new? Now is the best time for this. Moreover, you now have much more free time, so devote it to yourself!
- Get up off the couch already . How long can you lie down, listen to sad music and look through photos together? If you don’t want to get depressed, then you should pull yourself together. Turn on fun and energetic music, watch a motivational movie, go to the gym, go for a walk around the city, meet with friends.
- Switch to the positive . Try to do everything that will please you and make you feel more confident. Update your wardrobe, change your haircut, treat yourself to a major purchase. Go to a restaurant and have a delicious meal, sign up for courses to improve your self-esteem. Everything that brings pleasant emotions will definitely help you forget your first love.
How to get rid of the victim complex? Advice from psychologists will help you!
How to forget your first love? What is important to understand:
How to forget your first love
Love makes us do things that we would not have dared to do before: jump with a parachute, lose 20 kilograms, change our place of residence. For the sake of our loved one, we are ready to move mountains and turn back rivers. Without exaggeration, we can say that our planet revolves thanks to love.
When we remember her, we like the beginning of a relationship: the moments experienced, the first touches, loving glances, walks. But one day this magical feeling disappears. The pain of loss makes it difficult to breathe. My soul is heavy, painful and scary.
First love
First love usually occurs in adolescence. This storm of romantic feelings sweeps over like a hurricane. And when parting, the degree of worry can even surpass falling in love. This first experience, in the world of sensations and deep feelings, is very important. But if love does not let you go, and does not allow you to continue to build your personal life normally, then something needs to be done about it.
The first step may be to limit communication. But there is a danger here that, without seeing the object of your love, you can idealize it too much in your fantasies. Then perhaps it is worth resuming at least some kind of relationship and seeing that the person is not so ideal and has many shortcomings. It is impossible to step into the same river twice. Over time, people change. And resumption of relations does not mean that everything will be the same as before.
Overcoming
At this moment, when it seems that the world is collapsing, that nothing will happen, that life is losing its meaning, the most important thing is to find inner reserves within yourself and find the strength to live on. Of course, this is not easy to do. And although fate brought such pain, undoubtedly, it also prepared a lot of gifts. And just waiting for you to get distracted and see them under your feet.
5 reasons for failure in love and ways to overcome them
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Push yourself and challenge yourself. Don't doubt your abilities and you will succeed. Try going to the cinema, to the theater, to a museum, to an exhibition. There is a lot of free time and you need to fill it. If you're bored alone, take a friend with you.
Friends
You shouldn't be alone with yourself. You have a friend and this is exactly the person who is ready to listen, support in a difficult situation, wipe away tears and give advice, tell you what to do. After all, with the departure of a loved one, the main problem is emptiness and loneliness. You need to fill it with friends, relatives, and communication with them.
Plunge into the Internet. There's so much exciting stuff there. Meet new interesting people, make friends. Chat with them. Don't be afraid to meet men. Have fun, accept compliments. Feel beautiful. And maybe you will understand that your loved one, compared to others, actually did not have many advantages.
Time
How long should it take for a first love to fade from memory? There is no exact answer to this question in nature. Leading psychologists at universities in England and the United States studied this issue and came to the conclusion that first love is almost impossible to forget. Eighty percent of people, one way or another, recalled this feeling.
To love or to be loved, which is better?
On the Internet you can sometimes find various formulas for calculating the time that must pass to forget love. According to the most reliable of them, approximately half of the time that the couple was together should have passed. For example, if a girl has been dating a guy for about a year, then six months must pass after the breakup so that she can forget him. Of course, for some it goes faster. But for each person this is purely individual and depends on many reasons.
New look
It's not easy to forget. But you can try to change your attitude towards your feeling. Try to look at it from a different point of view. Experiences temper, the soul learns to love, experience is gained, and the one who caused the range of feelings is only human. Try to be grateful for this experience.
You shouldn't keep your emotions to yourself. Try to convert and direct them into creativity. You can write poetry, draw, embroider, take photographs. Anything that can bring pleasure and help ease suffering.
unrequited love
If love is left unanswered, which happens quite often, there is pain that remains inside for a very long time and does not want to go away. It sometimes pushes people to take reckless actions and even humiliation. What to do?
Drive away thoughts about the overwhelming feeling. Don't go deep into yourself. Avoid books and films that talk about love. Try to distract yourself and fill your life with something else.
15 affirmations for new relationships and love
Give the hemisphere of your brain that is responsible for feelings a rest, and use the other one, which is capable of rationally analyzing the situation. Why is love needed, what positive and negative does it bring. As soon as romance begins to overwhelm, turn on strict criticism. After all, falling in love makes you fall into addiction, and feelings sooner or later fade.
Try to take your chosen one out of the image of an ideal man. Now it seems that he is the best in the world. Try to look critically. Surely he has shortcomings. Maybe he snores at night or gives advice to everyone - after all, he considers himself the smartest. Try to imagine that you live together and this happens every day.
Filled Life
The human mind is designed in such a way that it cannot exist in emptiness. Don't let him be filled with all sorts of nonsense, such as unrequited love. Keep him occupied with something, give him food for thought. Find something to do that takes up your time and requires full dedication. This can be either work or a hobby.
Get rid of the illusion that things could be different. This is self-deception. It is what it is and this is objective reality. Even if it seems that some mistakes can be corrected, sooner or later, all the discontent will still come out and multiply. It's not worth wasting your time. Because somewhere there is someone who is right for you. Make room in your heart for new true love.
