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Surely, a narcissist man knows how to impress.
Smart, successful, charismatic - next to someone like that, you sometimes wonder why he chose you. And he chose for the only reason - so that you would love him. Narcissists are not capable of deep feelings for a woman. The only passion in their life is themselves. And all other people should revolve around them, live for them, love only them. In short, they are egoists the likes of which the world has never seen. Related Article Narcissistic Person: What to do if your partner is a “narcissistic peacock”?
How to defeat a narcissist in a relationship - instructions
There is only one way to defeat a narcissist and that is to end your relationship with him. This is the only, radical and most effective way to fight a narcissist. There are simply no other methods. If you try to defeat the narcissist by staying in the relationship, you will lose. You will be 100% outplayed!
Narcissism is a personality disorder in which a person is unable to soberly evaluate himself. He engages in self-praise and belittlement of others. From the outside it seems that this is the most confident person. But this is an illusion, narcissists are the most insecure and complex people. Their self-dislike is so enormous that a person tries to compensate for his complexes with excessive narcissism.
Those. A narcissist is a person who is mentally damaged. And relationships with people who have such trauma are always a loss.
To accurately understand whether a person is a narcissist, you need to understand the signs that indicate narcissistic personality disorder.
I also recommend reading: Codependency in relationships, how to get rid of it in 12 steps (Opens in a new tab)
Signs of a narcissist man (or woman) in a relationship - TOP 6
1) It negatively affects your self-esteem, making you feel worthless.
2) The narcissist has no empathy for other people.
3) He demands that his achievements or actions be clearly noted by you, but in return he does not notice your merits.
4) He has a desire to constantly control his soul mate. The partner is obliged to answer calls and SMS immediately. If the narcissist does not receive an immediate response, then manipulation begins.
Vadim Kalantarov Blog author
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Vadim Kalantarov Blog author
IMPORTANT!
If you are having difficulties in a relationship and need help, write me “+” (plus) in private messages on Vkontakte. I will give you a free assessment of your situation and suggest a possible solution to the problem.
Write to Vadim
More about me
5) Does not accept criticism. If you give constructive criticism, the narcissist immediately takes it with hostility. It is simply impossible to reach him.
6) The narcissist makes you feel guilty and often uses passive aggression. For example, he starts playing the silent game.
It is important to know! People talk most of the time about what bothers them. A poor person often talks about money. Lonely people talk about love, alcoholics talk about success, and politicians and criminals talk about morality. After listening to a person, you can easily understand what he lacks (Whoever hurts, talks about it).
And the narcissist regularly talks about the shortcomings of other people - these are precisely his fears and those qualities that he does not digest in himself. After all, if you are an integral and self-sufficient person, then why should you so manically focus on the shortcomings of others?
So, we have found out what narcissists really are. But we need to figure out one more issue. Why does a person enter into a relationship with a man (woman) who has narcissistic personality disorder? After all, in order to effectively solve a problem, you need to understand your own mistakes.
The reasons why a person enters into a relationship with a narcissist and tolerates him are low self-esteem and internal psychological problems!
If a person has high self-esteem, then she will simply say that she is a narcissistic egoist. That is, as soon as you increase your self-confidence and realize your own worth, the narcissist will automatically become uninteresting. And as long as the person remains in the state of victim, then narcissists, abusers, psychopaths and other “interesting” characters will be drawn to her.
Many people find it difficult to realize that the problem is themselves. Therefore, they spend years in toxic relationships, tolerate partners who do not respect them and become depressed. But there are a few who can look at themselves with a critical eye and begin to change. After all, if you think that only the narcissist is the culprit of all troubles, then there will be no changes. Therefore, it is important not only to end the relationship with the narcissist, but also to start working on your self-esteem.
Why is he dangerous?
A narcissist communicates with a woman in the worst traditions of house-building. Even if she is beautiful and smart with three diplomas, he will definitely convince her that she is mediocre and, if not for him, no one would pay attention to her at all. After such brainwashing, a woman’s self-esteem falls catastrophically. And that’s all the narcissist needs. Its goal is to make the victim submissive and controllable.
Narcissists have an unmistakable eye for women they can control. Their victims are insecure ladies, naive and gullible. However, the narcissist’s self-esteem is also low, he just carefully hides it. And since he is afraid to assert himself in a male environment, he prefers to do it at the expense of women. Moreover, it is not so difficult - almost everyone has complexes: one is worried about age, the other is worried about fat legs... And he plays on such weaknesses.
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Types of narcissism
Male and female narcissism is conventionally divided into types: constructive, destructive, pathological, perverse. In the first case, we are talking about a variant of the norm, when a person experiences healthy egoism. Self-love without excessive hypertrophy forces you to improve yourself, set high life goals and achieve them. Destructive and pathological types are classified as mental disorders that require correction.
The most dangerous form of pathology is perverse. Perverse (perverted) narcissists are those who influence others as an emotional vampire; this is a psychotype of personality that is prone to psychological violence. The term was first used in the work “Moral Harassment” by a female doctor from France, Doctor of Psychiatry M.-F. Irigoyen (MF Hirigoyen).
Communication with a narcissistic man is fraught with psychological trauma, neurotic conditions and deep depression, and the characteristics of such a person’s behavior indicate that he has a serious mental disorder. He is capable of methodically driving a partner to suicide, daily weakening and exhausting the victim’s nervous system.
This type of narcissist knows how to distort any situation, interpreting details and circumstances solely from the point of view of their own benefit. Typical signs of a guy who is a perverse narcissist will help you recognize a lurking threat in time. It has the following features:
- Unflattering, speaks negatively about past relationships and partners. Accuses the ex-other half of creating conflict situations and breaking up.
- Never admits his guilt, shifting responsibility to others.
- Seeks to make a partner dependent by any means. Almost immediately he offers to move to his own living space or get married.
It is worth paying attention to deterioration in well-being, dizziness, manifestations of malfunctions in the autonomic nervous system (rapid breathing, heartbeat) in the presence of a partner who is suspected of perverted narcissism. He may not immediately intensively manifest his bad character traits, saving the bulk of his destructive energy until the moment when he feels unlimited power over the victim.
Further, his actions are aimed at destroying self-esteem and humiliating his partner, who, after a dramatic change in the behavior of his beloved, subconsciously looks for reasons and thinks about his guilt in the current situation. The oppressive feeling of guilt of the victim contributes to the triumph of the tyrant, who seizes undivided power and manipulates the other half.
How to calculate it
Communication with a narcissist turns into a strong love addiction; this relationship is exhausting both physically and mentally. But such a novel has no prospects! Therefore, the sooner you identify a narcissist, the better. By what signs can this “flower” be identified?
You constantly feel guilty and suffer because of your own imperfections - your partner is happy to point them out.
He is always right. All quarrels are only your fault.
He often brags and focuses attention on himself. Every now and then the pronouns “I”, “my”, “me” loom in his speech. For example, instead of “I love sushi” - “I love sushi”, instead of “I would like clarity” - “I need clarity.”
Shows little emotion. The narcissist is incapable of empathy. He will not console you when you are hurt, he will not hold you close when you are scared.
Accept yourself: how to learn to be a healthy egoist
More details
Avoids responsibility. Whether it's organizing a holiday or helping someone, the narcissist will prefer to withdraw.
Eager for praise. It's impossible to praise him. He will always require more.
Devalues other people's achievements. If a classmate of a narcissist got a prestigious job, it was only through connections: “He wouldn’t have gotten anywhere on his own.”
He pampers and cherishes himself. Branded clothing, a prestigious car, travel - the narcissist does not regret anything for himself. But you feel sorry for even a penny.
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How to recognize a narcissistic man?
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Of course, every woman, entering into a relationship with a man, hopes for harmony, love and happiness. However, not all men are able to give their partner the emotions she needs.
As a rule, at the beginning of a relationship, men show themselves as strong, brave and ready for exploits princes. However, after a while they get tired of playing macho, and the truth comes out. In some cases, it turns out that in fact the man is even better than he wanted to appear. But sometimes something unimaginable appears before women.
A narcissistic man cannot give his woman either attention, affection, or care to the fullest. All his thoughts are absorbed only by his personal desires and needs. How to recognize such a person?
What do you need to do?
So, if you decide to determine whether your chosen one is an egoist, get ready to carefully observe his behavior. Pay attention even to the little things. The sooner you can understand who is in front of you, the sooner you will understand whether your relationship has a future.
He doesn't answer phone calls
Some women are offended that their men do not call them on weekdays. They, in turn, make excuses by saying that they are busy with work and do not have the opportunity to chat about love and other nonsense. But a narcissistic man will not only not call you during the working day, but you will also not receive an answer to his calls and messages.
His wishes come first
If you are “lucky” to connect your life with a narcissistic man, be prepared for the fact that your opinion will not be taken into account when deciding any, even the most insignificant matters. Also, do not expect that your chosen one will surround you with care during your illness. Most likely, he will express displeasure because you cannot look after him.
You are constantly criticized
Whatever you say or do will be perceived as a blunder. Your makeup will be considered too vulgar, your dress will be considered too modest, your dinner will be considered under-salted or tasteless, the floors in the house will be dirty, and your opinion will be considered stupid.
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Such tactics on the part of a man can lead to his girlfriend developing complexes about her appearance or ability to run a household. Do not allow a man to manipulate you, otherwise you will act as upholstered furniture in the house, which is convenient to use, but which can be easily thrown from corner to corner.
Sex without foreplay
A narcissistic man will behave in sex the way he is used to behaving in life, namely, domineering and selfish. If he loves affection, then the woman will receive it. But if a partner prefers naked sex without foreplay, then he will do just that. The partner's wishes will not be taken into account. And if she “dare” to insist on her own, she will either be ridiculed or shamed.
A relationship with a narcissistic man can lead to sad consequences. As a rule, people who love only themselves cannot give love to others. If you don’t want to feel empty in a relationship, don’t get involved with this type of man, but look for an attentive and caring partner.
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This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment
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Madam, defend yourself!
The best way to protect yourself from these types is to stay away from them. But if you've already fallen in love:
- Do not allow caustic criticism towards you. Either criticize him in response, or sharply rebuke him: “I don’t like communicating in this tone.”
- Don't sacrifice your interests for him.
- Don't allow yourself to be used. You are a person, not a machine to endlessly satisfy his desires.
- Communicate with him as equals. After all, narcissists parasitize only those who do not value themselves.
