What is the friend zone in relationships between girls and guys?

The friend zone is a relationship between a man and a woman in which one person is in love, and the other uses it for his own purposes (knows about the feelings and manipulates them). Sometimes this means sincere friendship between a guy and a girl, in which one of the participants in the relationship is in love with the other. One way or another, there is no official term or concept in psychology, but in everyday life such a problem occurs quite often. Let’s look in more detail and in simple terms at what the friend zone is in relationships between guys and girls.

What is a friend zone

What does the concept of “friend zone” mean? In simple terms, this is a friend zone. Translated from English, the word friend zone has exactly this meaning. Now it’s impossible to say exactly who coined the term friend zone, but it is believed that the concept was first introduced in the TV series “Friends.” There the context was as follows: “If you don’t tell a girl about your feelings for too long, she will begin to perceive you only as a friend.”

What does the friend zone mean in the 21st century in youth slang, what is it for young people? Let's give a definition. This is a special type of relationship between a man and a woman, in which one person is in love, and the other takes it for granted. More often you can hear that a man finds himself in the friend zone, but girls are not immune from this.

What is it for men and women or options for exploiting the feelings of a person in the friendship zone:

use it as an alternate airfield (“If I don’t meet anyone normal before I’m 30, I’ll marry you”);
ask to fix something at home, cook a meal, give you a ride, do coursework, substitute at work, etc.;
relax/have fun/study/do something else at his/her expense;
assert oneself at the expense of another person (it’s flattering that there is someone “at your beck and call”);
attract into a love relationship so that the partner becomes jealous;
use it as a ticket to a relationship with another person (you can “extort” a lot of information about his best friend from someone who is in the friend zone).

One way or another, such relationships are unhealthy. And the one who suffers the most is the one who finds himself in the friend zone.

What is the friend zone for girls?

At first glance, it may seem that any two people who are friends are in the friend zone. But that's not true. The friend zone for girls is a special type of relationship that arises between her and a young man. In this relationship, the young man is in love, and she uses romantic feelings for selfish purposes.

Being in a girl’s friend zone, the lover suffers: he feels a consumerist attitude towards himself from his partner, but tender feelings for her do not allow him to put an end to the relationship. As a result, even in separation from her, he is unhappy, he looks forward to meeting her, and, having waited for the meeting, he also suffers, not receiving the desired response to his feelings.

Important! The friend zone is a special category of relationships for which the terms “friendship” and “love” do not apply. Rather, it is a parasitic type of relationship in which one partner uses the other.

Types of friend zone

Since there is no official concept of “friend zone” in psychology, there are no official classifications of this phenomenon. However, at the everyday level, two types of friendship zones can be distinguished:

With expressed feelings. The one who feels sympathy directly communicates this to the other.
With secret feelings. The one who feels sympathy does not talk about his feelings. Another person may or may not guess this.

It happens that one participant in a relationship knows about the feelings of the other, but pretends that nothing like that is happening. This is due to the fact that he is not ready to enter into a more serious relationship, but he also does not want to offend a person or lose a friend.

Signs

Signs of a friend zone for a guy and a girl are common.

How to tell if you are in the friend zone:

you are introduced to others as a friend, addressed to you as a friend (“everyone would like a friend like you,” “I would like a guy like you,” etc.);
you are told too many details about your personal life;
you are not invited or very rarely invited to evening walks, but at the same time they communicate with you a lot during the day;
there is almost always a third person at your meetings;
you have seen your opponent in every form and light (perhaps you are being consulted on “what to wear to impress him/her”);
your opponent is very reserved in physical contacts or, on the contrary, behaves extremely cheekily towards you (in romantic relationships, physical touches are characterized by sensuality, caution or “accident”);
sometimes you sleep in the same bed without any sexual connotation.

Note! Being in the friend zone does not exclude the possibility of sexual relations. Some men and women believe that sex is not a hindrance to friendship.

Main features

You can tell whether a person has entered the friend zone by looking at several main signs that appear in relationships regardless of the gender of the person being friendzoned:

drinking alcohol does not affect communication in any way;
complete lack of physical contact;
the person does not make even the slightest effort to look better at meetings;
gives cute, but perhaps offensive nicknames and is not shy about telling others about it;
sleeping together is possible without any sexual connotation;
one of the parties is fully invested in the relationship, but does not receive any return.

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There are many signs of getting into such a situation. Some of them are exclusive to girls or boys. But in general, each of them makes clear the futility of continuing attempts to build closer relationships.

In men

There is an opinion that it is mostly guys who are friendzoned, but girls also often find themselves in a similar situation. Most often, this manifests itself in false hopes and illusions that the lady will still be able to win the guy’s heart and become more than a friend. You can understand that a man is not considering this option for the development of events by the following signs:

He never misses a moment to remind them that they are just friends.
The guy does not congratulate the woman on their little dates together and does not give gifts, as happens in most couples.
Instead of a private date, he invites the girl to spend time in the company of friends.
The guy prefers relationships without obligations, not wanting to take responsibility.
A man can calmly tell a lady about his love or sexual adventures, or communicate his sympathy for one of her friends, without attaching much importance to it.

Being in the friend zone, a girl feels unwanted; she sorely lacks attention from a guy. Such relationships often cause the development of an inferiority complex and greatly hurt the woman.

Among women

The term “friend zone” in any relationship symbolizes a situation in which a man perceives a woman as an object of sympathy, shows attention and feelings, but for her he is exclusively a friend. You can understand that a guy is in exactly this situation based on several main signs:

To any declarations of feelings and manifestations of tenderness, she replies that she wants to remain friends.
During meetings, the lady without hesitation discusses any feminine topics with the young man.
The girl can cancel the date at any time without giving a reason.
Doesn't answer phone calls, and when meeting, doesn't try to explain his behavior. Quickly changes the topic of conversation if you ask a direct question about the reason.
A woman prefers casual correspondence on social networks instead of real meetings and spending time together.
She avoids meeting and communicating alone. He tries to invite a friend with him or asks him to bring someone else.
During a conversation, he diligently avoids intimate topics and anything related to sexual intimacy.

A girl can calmly communicate, talking about her past relationships, and discuss in detail the personality and behavior of her ex-boyfriend. Such topics are touched upon either intentionally (when she simply does not know how to get rid of an annoying boyfriend) or accidentally (if she does not see a potential partner in the guy).

In the latter case, she will sincerely not understand the reasons for his dissatisfaction, because they are “just friends.”

Causes

Reasons why relationships don't go beyond friendship:

Indecisiveness. It happens that one or both participants in a relationship do not dare to talk honestly about everything. This is especially true for those situations where the relationship really resembles friendship.
Lack of physical traction. It happens that a person is attracted by his inner world, but is not at all interesting as a sexual object.
Fear of ruining friendships. Again, this is relevant for those relationships that are similar to real friendship, where everything is fair and no one takes advantage of anyone. In this case, the delay on the bench is due to the fear of losing a friend. After all, if a person refuses the offer to date, then it will definitely not be possible to make the relationship the same as it was before.
Self-doubt and complexes. This is true both for the one who finds himself in the friend zone and for the one who is friendzoning. For example, a girl thinks that no one can perceive her as a woman, and therefore ignores all the guy’s hints and becomes friends with him. Or a guy tries to be a friend to a girl because he is afraid of rejection and does not dare to offer more. But this rather relates to the first reason.
Psychotrauma. It happens that all the girls or guys end up in the neutral zone, because at one time a person was very disappointed in the opposite sex and is now afraid of close relationships.

The reasons for entering the friend zone are not much different for men and women.

Reasons for getting into the friend zone

There are many reasons for ending up in an unenviable position. But psychologists call the following points the main ones:

A woman or man does not want to let go of a friend in love due to the lack of a better or suitable replacement option. But at the same time, the object of desire gives almost no hope for a future together, forcing you to suffer from uncertainty. Such people simply cannot stand loneliness and strive to protect themselves from it. When a suitable partner candidate appears on the horizon, they will throw the admirer out of their lives without a twinge of conscience. It often happens that if an attempt to build a relationship fails, they return to an unlucky suitor.
Negative life experiences. As a rule, this applies to girls who have had precedents of unsuccessful relationships. Perhaps during their school years they were greatly offended by one of the boys. They are afraid of repeating an unpleasant story, they are afraid that they will be deceived and abandoned again, so they simply do not trust all new suitors, regardless of whether they deserve such treatment. Consequently, they seek to protect themselves from such men.
Emotional support. Friends include those who will come to the rescue at any time, support in word and deed, brighten up a boring weekend and simply help you have fun in your free time. Such situations mainly happen to those who do not have real friends next to them.
Lack of satisfaction from current relationships. If a partner does not give the expected emotions to a person, then he begins to search for someone who will make up for the lack of attention. They may well be a guy or girl from the friend zone. Everything happens innocently and without hints of a possible continuation, so such a friend will not be able to make any claims.
Financial benefit. Mostly similar situations happen to wealthy men. From the very beginning, such a gentleman will strive to win the lady’s sympathy by any means, and therefore will not skimp on gifts. At the same time, women themselves do not strive to set boundaries in communicating with such suitors, because they give them gifts, and there is nothing wrong with that.

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There are often cases when people come together based on common interests and hobbies. Meeting a soul mate among others can be quite difficult. The object of love will enjoy such communication, slowly reaching a new level of relationship.

How to understand that you are in the friend zone

How to understand that you are in the friend zone? The signs of a friend zone in men and women are not much different, but in each case some things are less common and some more common. Let's look at the most typical characteristics of the male and female friend zone.

What is a friend zone for men or how can a guy understand that he is in the friend zone:

he constantly sacrifices his time and interests for the sake of the girl;
he is more open in expressing his feelings than the girl;
the girl pretends that she does not understand the guy’s hints;
if sex happened “drunk,” out of pity, or as a consolation, then the girl pretends that nothing happened.

How to determine a girl's friend zone:

she is ready to help a guy at any time of the day or night, listen, call, exchange messages, come to visit;
the girl invests more in the relationship than the guy;
others perceive them as a couple;
the guy talks about his victories on the love front, and the girl not only listens, but also advises something, helps to improve relations with competitors.

Interesting! It's not just indecisive guys and girls who end up in the friend zone. Overly annoying people also run the risk of being out of work.

How to distinguish the friend zone from falling in love

How to distinguish the friend zone from falling in love? If you and your opponent contribute approximately equally to the relationship, then this is sympathy. If you both are embarrassed about something, behave with restraint, try to please each other, then this is also sympathy. When falling in love, both participants in the relationship think about each other’s feelings and take care of them.

The psychology of the friend zone looks especially interesting when people communicate on social networks, for example, on VK. The object of sympathy does not see anything wrong with sending a “friend” a heart emoticon. However, the color yellow and a yellow heart are believed to be a symbol of the friend zone. Although many people are sure that any heart in correspondence other than red means a friendship zone.

Interesting! There is an unofficial friend zone day. True, I was never able to find the exact date on which it is celebrated. Some people focus on February 14, and others on July 30 (International Friendship Day).

How can a man get out of the friend zone?

It is difficult to take the relationship to a new level by achieving the girl’s favor while being in the position of a friend, but it is possible. To do this you need:

It is necessary to show the girl sexual interest in her. Verbal arguments will be rejected, so you need to act through the body: an “accidental” touch on the thigh, touching the neck when you fasten her supposedly unfastened earring. Sensations in the body can make a woman’s brain work differently - if she is not frigid, then such “accidental” touches will awaken sexual desire in her.

Wants sex

Any woman wants to see a strong man as her lover. Demonstrating self-confidence and his authority, the young man in the eyes of a woman turns from a guy-friend into a brutal man, and her interest in an affair with such a profitable partner increases.
The sudden disappearance of a man will make a woman worry, because it is beneficial for her to have a guy as a friend. If he disappears from her life without warning, she begins to look for him herself: write on social networks, send SMS and call. This will play into the hands of a man who wants to achieve the role of a soul mate. When answering calls and messages, it is important for him to show that he is having a good time, while hinting that a woman has a chance to become his companion in the weekend entertainment program.

No lady will miss the opportunity to have fun on the weekend. When meeting a man, you need to follow the first two points.

Important! It is difficult to get out of the humiliating position of “just a friend.” Therefore, it is better not to get into it at all. If in a relationship a man positions himself as an alpha male, shows his sexual interest in a woman and awakens her reciprocal sexual desire, then he will not face the friend zone.

Love

Is it possible to get out of the friend zone?

Is it possible for a guy or a girl to get out of the friend zone? Psychologists, and even those who have learned from personal experience what a friend zone is, do not have an exact answer to this question. However, it is known that some people succeeded in this.

Here's what you can do to get out of the friend zone (advice from psychologists and recommendations from those who have left the friend zone):

Make it clear that you are not ready to be just a friend. Be direct about your feelings, stop being comfortable and always available.
Start actively meeting people of the opposite sex and telling your “friend” about it.
Develop yourself comprehensively. But it is important not to pretend to be someone who the object of sympathy supposedly likes, but to reveal your potential and gain self-confidence.

Ideally, it is better to stick to only the first point. Don’t humiliate yourself, don’t achieve, don’t prove anything. Although you can still turn your “friendship” into real friendships. For example, split the bill in a cafe in half, refuse sex (if you had it), stop constantly helping for “thank you,” etc. There is a high probability that this will speed up the resolution of the problematic situation: the one who friendzoned will completely break off the relationship or agree to date fully.

Important! If the issue is the complexes and traumas of the person who is friendzoning, then the “friend” will not be able to do anything.