Introverts and extroverts: compatibility in relationships and marriage

Introvert and extrovert difference

The concept of introvert and extrovert implies two large groups into which psychologists divide people depending on their behavior and the way they interact with the world around them. Let's take a closer look at each of these personality types to decide which one to classify ourselves as. Then consider how you can use these differences to make your marriage stronger?

Signs of an extrovert

Bold, loud, a lot, fun, interesting. These words briefly describe the relationship extroverts have with the outside world. They:

They draw vital energy from active interaction with others.
They cannot imagine their life without communication.
They are open and easily make contact with different people.
They are able to calmly start a conversation on any topic.
They quickly join an unfamiliar company, instantly become the center of attraction, exude jokes, make new acquaintances and enjoy communication.
For extroverts, the more people the better.
They are alien to the feeling of uncertainty, the fear of being misunderstood, the fear of making a mistake.
Public speaking is the forte of extroverts. They are always interesting to listen to, they are full of enthusiasm, new ideas and radiate optimism.

Signs of an introvert

Loneliness, silence, depth, creativity. Introverts are the opposite of extroverts. They:

They are not ready to communicate with the first person they meet, so they avoid noisy companies and large crowds of people, they prefer to think rather than talk.
They are hardworking. Introverts are very careful about what they do and are good at it. They are very effective at work, as they are always focused, attentive, neat, punctual and organized.
It is difficult to piss them off, they never complain about life and generally talk little about themselves.
They draw vitality from solitude and use their inner world as a source of energy.
Read also: What is pragmatism and who is a pragmatist (pragmatic person)
Introverts are very observant. Creative personalities are often found among them.
They love to think and analyze too much before doing something. As a result, they seem too slow, even inhibited, to others.
They do not like to come into contact with the outside world: talk about themselves, their hobbies, feelings, opinions. Therefore, there is an opinion that communication with them is rather uninteresting and even boring.
So, the acquaintance took place, the masks were torn off from everyone. Now let's look at whether introverts and extroverts can be like a couple together?

Ask questions

Those who have ever encountered introverts know that they do not like to inform other people about their affairs. This is not happening out of malice. It’s just difficult for closed people to understand that not all people think and feel like them. Therefore, there is no need to be offended by your beloved introvert because he did not mention an unplanned walk or shopping trip.

I also advise you to read: How can an introvert improve his emotional state by 100?

What can an extrovert do in this case? Ask questions and listen. Perhaps the introverted partner has something to share, concerns and hopes. Such conversations will let the introvert understand that giving back on his part is important to his loved one, and isolation only causes misunderstanding.

Introverted man and extroverted woman: compatibility in a couple

The study found that differences in personality types were not associated with marital difficulties. Opposites regarding introversion/extroversion do not foretell any particular problems in marriage. They can get along great.

Introverts and extroverts, no matter how different they are from each other, often find themselves in romantic relationships. Such couples are classic opposites who attract and balance each other.

Conclusion: There is no reason why an introvert can't have a fun, fulfilling, and completely in sync relationship with an extrovert, no matter how introverted they are. To do this, you just need to recognize each other's needs, understand what it means to be an introvert and an extrovert, and learn to find a compromise.

What does it mean to be an extrovert?

The pros and cons of being an extrovert is far from a clear-cut question. On the one hand, being cheerful and cheerful and making friends easily is a clear plus. On the other hand, thoughtless actions and gaps at the planning stage very often create inconvenience for extroverts. Also, the talkativeness of this personality type can play a cruel joke, especially when communicating with more thoughtful introverts.

Considering that extroverts do not dwell on failures, they do not experience any special moral problems, and therefore they rarely learn from their mistakes. This is another plus or minus. Of course, they save their nerves, but they also “dance on a rake” regularly, so that the “bump” on their forehead rarely disappears. But first things first.

Pros of being an extrovert.

Since extroverts are born communicators, the bulk of their advantages are associated precisely with the ability to establish connections:

Abundance of comrades and acquaintances;
Success in employment and career development;
Easy and relaxed attitude to life;
Sympathy and attention from others;
Popularity with the opposite sex;
Rich biography, variety of life stories;
The ability to inspire people, “charge” them with your energy.

Thanks to these qualities, doors are open everywhere for extroverts, but sometimes they close when faced with the negative sides of this personality type.

Disadvantages of an extrovert.

The superficiality and fleeting nature of overly active people sometimes causes disappointment in them from those around them. Having a deeper understanding of who an extrovert is, he is no longer perceived so cordially. This is due to the following disadvantages of extroverts:

Excessive sociability, which sometimes turns into talkativeness;
Inability to control emotions;
Regular changes in interests that prevent you from being fully realized;
Lack of true friends;
Inability to listen, which repels interlocutors;
Inattention to detail, poor preparation;
Methodical repetition of the same mistakes.

Despite their shortcomings, many people want to become extroverts or at least adopt their strengths. How difficult it is to do this, we’ll talk further.

Take a personality type test

Introverts and extroverts: advice from a psychologist on how to get along in marriage

How to make a successful marriage between an introvert and an extrovert? Marty and Michael Laney, in Introvert and Extrovert Love When Opposites Attract, advise:

Accept and appreciate your differences

The first thing to do is accept the difference in reloading methods. Extroverts get energy from communicating with people: their energy and mood suffer from loneliness. Introverts reboot and recharge from solitude. Their energy levels suffer when they are around people for long periods of time, especially in large groups.

Once you recognize the differences between an introvert and an extrovert, learn to respect each other's energy needs. Consider mutual feelings, especially when it comes to social events, stimulation and quiet time. Even if your feelings seem to be known to each other, your partner may not know it until you tell them.

Remember, while this difference can be a source of conflict, it can also be a potential for growth. You have the power to choose how to deal with differences: value them for the variety in your relationship or be forever dissatisfied.

Mutual cooperation

Many extroverts do not always remember how important solitude is for an introvert. Sometimes they may try to force him to do things he doesn't want to do. So don't be afraid to remind your extrovert that you need some alone time.

It is also useful for an introvert when an extrovert woman has many friends and hobbies. When you stay at home and your spouse goes to hang out with friends, you both get what you need. This means encouraging your spouse to spend time with her friends or do her favorite things.

Make sure each of you is receiving the type of communication you enjoy.

Recognize that you may react differently to stress.

So don't be surprised if your extroverted wife or husband acts in ways that are unusual for you during difficult times. For example, Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, a licensed psychologist, says that when a loved one dies, an extrovert does not stay alone to grieve, but stays busy and around people.

This may be annoying for some people, but this is how the extroverted mind reacts to pain and stress.

Communication and compromise

In terms of communication, time spent together, and decision-making, you will have different preferences and ways of handling certain situations.

So set guidelines for communication. If an introverted husband does not want to communicate with anyone, then his extroverted wife has the right to freely communicate with friends without accusations from the marriage partner

Don't focus on the events or disagreements themselves, but try to understand why you both want to do certain things, what needs they satisfy and how important they are. Understanding the root of the problem will help you find a compromise.

(We recommend reading about how to communicate with men correctly).

If you're an introvert, check yourself for passive aggression.

Because introverts tend to keep their thoughts to themselves, sometimes their true feelings come out in passive-aggressive forms: rolling their eyes, heavy sighs, and snarky, unnecessary comments.

Remember , the passion of aggression is poison for relationships.

If you approve of your marriage partner meeting his friends at a party, then make sure you do so without making sarcastic remarks.

This means that after the party, your partner will not face punishment, there will be no control on your part in the form of constant SMS or calls with demands to report, and there will be no suspicion of infidelity.

Introverts and extroverts: Divide responsibilities based on personality type

Divide family and household responsibilities based on your personal differences. Here are just a few examples of how introverted and extroverted couples share responsibilities:

Responsibilities of an extrovert:

Buying groceries.
Execution of orders.
Answering phone calls, correspondence, etc.
Visiting clubs, birthdays and various events with children.

Responsibilities of an introvert:

Financial management.
Planning.
Cooking and cleaning.

Combine and use your strengths

When a guy and a girl meet, they are often attracted to each other precisely because they are different, unlike each other. It was this difference between an introvert and an extrovert that led you to choose each other.

So if one of you is better at handling certain social situations and the other is more thoughtful and takes longer to make decisions, then recognize and use those strengths in your marriage.

Set a goal for yourself to develop and grow individually. Couples of introverts and extroverts can learn a lot from each other. Introverts may seek to expand their social world and gain new experiences from the outside world. And extroverts can enrich their inner world.

We recommend reading: What mistakes should a wife avoid in order to improve her relationship with her husband? What 40 mistakes does a husband need to get rid of in order to eliminate problems with his beloved wife?

Build strong relationships with those who make important decisions

You don't have to become friends with everyone. Establishing a good relationship with those at the helm and being friendly to others will be enough to avoid being considered a closed and proud person and at the same time not to overstep your inner beliefs.

We all know the expression: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” But when opposites of character meet, this will not work, since the excessive persistence and tenacity of an extrovert will collide with the thoughtfulness and modesty of an introvert.

Therefore, a modification of this thesis reads: “treat others the way they want to be treated!” Assess the person's character and be flexible by adopting their behavior and tuning in to the wave of the interlocutor's mood.

I also advise you to read: How to get an introvert to talk for further communication with him?

How to live with an introverted man

The way to the heart of an introverted man lies through understanding the characteristics of his behavior. Therefore, to win an introverted man, you need to follow several rules.

What does an introverted man value in a woman?

Introverts appreciate when:

Their need for privacy is respected.
They are given time to observe before they begin to act in new conditions.
They are warned in advance about planned changes (lifestyle, marriage).
Give them 15 minutes to finish their chores or work.
They never embarrass them in public with a contemptuous look or a sarcastic remark.
Disagreements, difficulties and problems are resolved with them alone.
Give them time to spend with a friend who has similar interests.
They are not forced to have (make) many friends.
Do not share information about them with others without their permission.
Respect their introversion without trying to make them extroverts.

Following these rules will make life together with an introvert much better.

How to communicate with an introverted man

Pause the conversation to give the introverted man time to participate. An introvert needs time to think and process what you just said.
Give him time to think without demanding immediate answers or decisions. Sometimes an introvert just needs a short break, but sometimes he doesn't have an answer for several hours to several days.
Don't finish your introvert's sentences or interrupt them.
Show interest. Ask your introverted husband about his feelings and opinions.
Stay on one topic until the introvert has fully discussed it with you, rather than jumping from one topic to another.

What does an extrovert value in an introvert?

Extroverts appreciate it when:

Introverted husbands participate in as many social activities as possible without compromising their need for solitude.
When extroverts are not prevented from going to visit or other events without the introvert’s husband, if he is not able to go.
Don't make an extrovert's wife feel guilty for doing something without her husband.

How to communicate with an extrovert

Show interest in what extroverts have to say so they feel heard.
Extroverts think out loud. Allow your wife to jump from topic to topic and do not always require her to draw any conclusions or finish her thought.
If you need time to think, let your extroverted wife know and promise to get back to her instead of forgetting her.
Thank your extroverted woman often, letting her know why you appreciate her.
Learn to share your feelings and thoughts with an extrovert, even if you find it difficult to do so.

Signs of an extrovert.

Loves communication and noisy companies, hates loneliness;
Feels uncomfortable in silence and “four walls”;
In the presence of others, he is charged with energy and good mood;
Tends to be the first to meet people, easily makes new connections;
Talks more about himself than listens to others;
He gets carried away quite easily, and can also quickly lose interest;
Does not like to delve into himself;
Does not always know how to control his emotions;
Careful planning and attention to detail are clearly not his thing;
Makes decisions quickly without always thinking them through;
Easily lets go of negativity, forgets grievances;
Likes to share his experiences with others;
He prefers conquest of the surrounding world to fantasy;
Often writes or calls his friends;
Speaks quickly and loudly, gesticulates more actively.

If there are more “yes” answers than “no”, then there is a high probability that we are facing an extrovert, or we ourselves have this personality type. We'll talk about whether this is good or bad later.

Introverts – “calm, just calm”

Introverts are thinkers. They prefer loneliness, they are comfortable alone with themselves: they can reflect on the past, plan things, and determine priorities. Such people are not afraid of difficulties, but if they have to do several things at the same time, this literally leads to panic, the introvert begins to get irritated and angry.

Introverts, by the way, also communicate with people; they cannot be called hermits. But the described type of people tries to reduce communication to a minimum, even with close friends and relatives they have short-term meetings - introverts experience a burning desire to be alone literally after half an hour of intense communication.

Unlike extroverts, introverts study any subject deeply. They are not interested in the breadth of knowledge - even if they master knowledge in only one area, but this knowledge will be as complete as possible. The mind of introverts constantly “processes” the impressions received and analyzes the experience gained. Moreover, such people have a limited number of impressions; they prefer to “savor” each of them, while an extrovert will quickly get bored with it, and he will literally rush off to get new ones.