“They fired me just like that, and I have a long depression” - what you shouldn’t say at an interview

“The boss is bad, he fired without reason”

When asked about the reasons for his dismissal, Mashin’s eye twitched nervously.

“I was fired just like that. The boss disliked me at first sight and turned the entire team against me. It was a real nightmare."

Igor Ivanovich, the head of the department, took pity on the poor girl. But he knew Masha’s previous boss well and had never heard such things about him - who’s right?

After the interview, Igor Ivanovich called an old friend. The reason for the dismissal turned out to be much more prosaic: at the very first corporate party, Masha began to discuss her boss. After that, the girl danced on the table. It all ended with harassment of married colleagues.

Of course, no one called Masha back.

If you were fired because of your own stupidity, don’t focus on it. And especially don’t try to evoke pity.

Many managers in related areas of business communicate with each other - finding out the real reason for dismissal is as easy as shelling pears.

Fatal day

I remember very well the day I was fired. I even shed a stingy man’s tear and had no idea what to do next. However, the pity was not for myself. I needed to take care of my family, and there was no place to get money from. Walking farther and farther from my former office building, I had no idea what would happen next.

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The acute feeling of powerlessness changed my entire future life. Many of the lessons that were subsequently learned would never have arisen in that former, comfortable life of an office clerk. I was thrown into the mud and had to climb out on my own.

“I’ve been feeling bad lately. Maybe work will help?

Alena came in response to an advertisement - she was going to get a job as a sales manager. There was a large photograph of a friendly team on the wall. The guys loved active recreation - camping, kayaking, skiing. Alena did not pay attention to the colorful photographs. She wasn't interested.

When the interview began, HR immediately noticed the dull look and low timbre of her voice - Alena answered the questions reluctantly, she was completely tense.

“I've been feeling really bad lately. I think I’m depressed,” the applicant shared. And then she quickly added: “But I’m sure that as soon as I start working for you, the sadness will disappear.”

At the end of the interview, HR thanked Alena. And he handed me a business card with the psychologist’s number. The company does not need such sales managers.

If you are depressed, see a psychologist. Don't talk about personal things during an interview

How to Deal with Depression After Losing Your Job: Five Steps to Success

Photo from the site: gornovosti.ru

It is clear that when there is no work, depression comes very close and not everyone has the strength to overcome its pernicious influence. Often, the problem goes far beyond just the financial situation, although this factor can be very significant. Professional psychologists recommend following a few simple tips that will definitely help you not to fall completely into depression, but to get out of a difficult situation with your head held high.

Everything will pass and this too: follow the advice of King Solomon

According to biblical legend, the famous wise King Solomon ordered this inscription to be engraved on the ring. She repeatedly helped him cope with stressful situations and overcome the crisis. Remember that nothing ever lasts forever and the pain of losing your job will also end. American researchers believe that this could take up to six months, but it will happen anyway, so you should just wait.

Photo from website: mycdn.me

In order to believe for yourself what seems stupid and meaningless advice, write this text and put it on the screensaver of your personal computer or smartphone monitor, print it out and hang it on the wall, beautifully framed. Constantly looking at such a statement, you won’t even notice how the depression after leaving your job will pass and new forces will appear to find a better place where you will be appreciated even more.

Put up barriers and protection from dark thoughts

Sitting and suffering on a sofa strewn with handkerchiefs, watching hundreds of tearful TV series and heartbreaking films is far from the best option for getting out of depression after being fired. Get rid of everything dark and driving you into a corner once and for all; there should be room in your life only for positivity, far-reaching plans, dreams and hopes.

Photo from website: focus.ua

Always try to improve your mood at the slightest threat, relax and have fun with friends, visit your relatives more often, of course, if they are bright and positive people. The desire for isolation and loneliness must be driven away from yourself, even if you really want to sit in a dark room by yourself, in peace and quiet. Psychologists believe that self-isolation can get in the way of emotional recovery, and it certainly won’t be possible to get rid of depression.

Pull yourself together and always control yourself: sport heals

Calmness and prudence should become your middle name; in such difficult times you cannot allow yourself to be weak, and nervous breakdowns, scandals, quarrels and swearing in any form have never brought anything good to anyone. You must consciously mobilize all your strength to always behave friendly with everyone, do not shout at your loved ones, even if they are wrong, do not scold the saleswoman in the store for incompetence, do not stomp your feet in the middle of the street, and so on.

Photo from the site: gornovosti.ru

They provide excellent discipline, help you think positively and control yourself, and play sports. Finally, take care of your precious self, start going to the gym, sign up for breathing exercises or yoga, run in the mornings and evenings, study Aikido wrestling or refresh your memory of your own boxing achievements. In general, just take the time to maintain and develop physical fitness, this will qualitatively increase the amount of endorphins in the blood, which depression cannot “coexist” with.

Lend a helping hand and start a journal

If your job search has not yet been successful, do not despair, but engage in volunteer and charitable activities. It is clear that without work you will not be able to share financial resources with someone, but you are quite capable of providing assistance of a different kind. Help the lonely old people from the next door, play active games with the children from the orphanage, wash the windows in the center for the disabled, deliver lunches to the needy. Any help to others brings joy and satisfaction, and also allows you to think that you are doing something useful, and this is the absolute truth.

Connect with people and open new horizons

Many people do not understand how to work during depression, and they cannot even imagine how to get rid of this neurotic disorder. When they are also the main “breadwinners,” everything can end disastrously, due to feelings of guilt and inability to provide the family with an adequate standard of living. In most cases, the spouse understands perfectly well what is happening and is ready to endure hardships until another job is found, so it is worth talking frankly and doing this regularly. Don’t hide and don’t shy away from questions; loved ones are able to provide the very support that is so necessary.

Photo from the site: bitrix-cdn.ru

Ultimately, it’s worth joining a support group, for example, for those who have just lost their jobs; they will provide high-quality and professional assistance. You can simply turn to a psychologist on your own, who will certainly open up new horizons and opportunities for you, help you build a strategy for a new search, tell you how to behave with family and potential employers, understand yourself and reach new heights.

“I saved my grandmother, fed stray dogs - sorry, I’m late”

Alexander Pavlovich looked at his watch - it was fifteen minutes to ten. The person he was waiting for was already 15 minutes late.

Alexander specifically canceled the weekly planning meeting - he really liked the applicant’s resume.

Ten minutes later, a breathless young man knocked on the door. He told us what difficulties he encountered on the way to his cherished job - there were many of them.

At some point, it even seemed to Alexander Pavlovich that completely unprecedented things flashed through the story - either the Serpent Gorynych, or a confrontation with Darth Vader.

After the interview, the employer sighed heavily. “Too bad, good guy. But I’ll be late for “excusable reasons” every week.”

For Alexander, being more than fifteen minutes late was unacceptable - he couldn’t even afford that. Even when it came to family dinner.

Leave the house thirty minutes earlier, wait for the interview to start in the lobby (this is useful - you can listen to the gossip of the employees). If you're late, don't try to justify yourself by making up an incredible story.

Losing a job - how to help yourself?

Change accompanies us constantly, throughout our lives. Whether we like it or not, all areas of our lives are being renewed. And work is no exception.

In the modern world, it rarely happens that a person cooperates with only one employer. As a rule, there is a change from 2 to 5 jobs, sometimes more. And every time changing jobs is stressful.

People are designed in such a way that they tend to perceive any change with caution.

This reaction of fear of the unknown, the incomprehensible and the unfamiliar has its roots in our ancient past. The survival instinct makes us alert, gather and concentrate as soon as something changes in the world around us.

And although changing jobs does not directly threaten our survival and health, we still experience stress.

In a job loss situation, stress is inevitable. But the strength of the stress we experience does not allow us to see the opportunities that open up and use them. Stress prevents us from quickly adapting to this situation and finding a solution.

This is why it is so important to develop stress coping skills and learn simple self-help and self-support methods.

The strength of stress is the strength of the emotions we experience, which are associated with the assessments and thoughts that swirl in our minds.

To put it simply, the scheme is simple:

FACT or EVENT = EVALUATION = EMOTION

Something happens in our life - we evaluate this event - we react to it, experiencing certain emotions. Based on these emotions, we make decisions and act. It is important to realize that actions and decisions driven by strong emotions are rarely the best...

How do we usually evaluate job loss and what does this evaluation influence?

Job loss = decreased self-esteem and self-confidence . (“If I was fired, maybe I’m worthless?”)

Losing a job = worry about the future (financial risks associated with paying off loans, rent, providing for yourself and your family)

Job loss = concern about professional relevance (“Will I be able to find a job where my abilities will be appreciated”?)

Losing a job = fear (“what to do now?!!”)

The emotions that often accompany job loss are anger, powerlessness, despair, bitterness of defeat, disappointment, and fear. They are able to completely fill the consciousness and for some time reduce the ability to analyze the situation and make adequate decisions.

The first thing that is important to do is to “extinguish” emotions. Then - realize what you want at the new stage of life. After all, losing a job is not only the destruction of the usual life path, it is also new opportunities.

When one stage of life ends, a new one usually opens. And if a person is focused on the fact that “doors are closing,” he may simply not notice the simple fact that new doors are opening nearby!

But as soon as we expand the focus of our attention, as soon as we are able to admit the idea that a new stage of life means new opportunities to change something in it for the better, new information immediately appears, people who are ready to help - and in fact In fact, “doors are opening.”

Therefore, depending on the thoughts and feelings with which a person finds himself in a situation of losing or changing a job, what the result will be depends on.

If you think of yourself as a “loser”, a “loser” and experience disappointment, resentment or anger, then the search for a new job will take longer and become more difficult. If you have confidence in the world and in yourself, and focus on what you want to get at a new stage in life, then searching for a new job is much faster and more comfortable.

When we focus our attention on one thing (usually thoughts that are associated with strong feelings), our consciousness begins to perceive from the huge amount of information that surrounds us exactly what our attention is directed to.

Attention is like a spotlight. We “snatch” from reality only what is important to us. The rest simply “passes by” consciousness.

When we focus on opportunities, we are able to notice them and take advantage of them.

How can you help yourself cope with stress and get ready to look for new opportunities?

1. Accept the fact of losing your job . This happened. A new stage of life begins. And, as experience shows, all changes in life ultimately lead us to the better. The main thing is not to miss the new good things behind the experiences of anger, stress and rejection of the situation.

2. Realize the value of previous work. And let go of this stage of life without resentment or anger. Find the strength and dignity to say “thank you” to the completed period of life and to those people who were near you.

Ask yourself what good and value did your previous job give you?
Maybe you learned a new skill there, or maybe you made new friends there?
Or did you see new prospects for yourself? Or something else?

3. Take responsibility for your life . Each person is capable of making CHOICES and is able to build his life according to his own scenario.

Ask yourself, what are you dreaming about?
What should your new job be?
Take a look around. Perhaps these new opportunities are already right in front of you...

4. Take action. Only our actions can change life for the better. Lying on the couch, we can only dream, but usually nothing happens by itself. Therefore, having realized what kind of job you want, having described it to yourself in as much detail as possible, you need to start searching and take action.

Alberto Villoldo, Ph.D., psychologist and anthropologist, is absolutely right when he writes:

You can have what you want or - an explanation for why you don't have it...

At any given moment in time, we can do one thing - complain about fate and other people, or take responsibility for our lives and act.

The choice is yours!

“I have no experience, but I can bring coffee and I play the violin masterfully.”

Petya had just graduated from university and updated his email every day. Apart from mailings from an electronics store and offers to read Tarot readings from a hereditary fortune teller, nothing.

A week later he received a call. A young software development company will be happy to hire Peter as a system administrator and teach him everything.

Petya was happy.

On day X, Petya realized that he had nothing to tell about his experience (Petya didn’t even freelance), and he had few skills. He decided that he had to please his employer.

And then the guy got carried away: “I can replace the pump from the cooler. And you would know what amazing coffee I make! By the way, I’m still rummaging around in the accounting department - I can calculate the salary. Or send a fax."

“When will you do the main work? With your abilities, there will simply be no time to administer the site,” the employer smiled slyly.

Peter was lucky that day. The young leader himself was recently in a similar situation. He treated the guy with understanding.

However, this is not always the case. Another employer might decide that Petya is nothing of himself - the guy is simply ready to take on any job as long as he gets paid.

Always clearly define your responsibilities. Before going to an interview, read about the skills needed for the position.

I can't find a job and that's why I'm deeply depressed.

My name is Anna and I am 26 years old. I can't find a job and that's why I'm deeply depressed. I trained as a PR specialist. I worked for a newspaper for some time, but it closed. Then I tried to work as a secretary, manager, but I didn’t like it at all, or there were delays in salaries. As a result, my work record is covered with notes. In general, I was running around everywhere, trying to get a stable job.

As a result, through an acquaintance, I was hired by a good advertising agency. I got to work, worked on weekends, and figured everything out. But after six months I began to look for shortcomings in my work. It was a very long drive, the pay was not much, the team was not very good, I did not feel useful and needed by the company, I saw that they were unhappy with me, although I did everything conscientiously. I worked there for a year and a half. And so, I met my man. We planned a wedding and honeymoon at sea in July. And in June, the boss said: you’re not doing a good job, I found another girl to take your place, write of your own free will, or we’ll fire you. I sobbed into my pillow at home and left on my own. Although everyone told me that I was a fool, I should have stayed and demanded money from them. I got married and started looking for a job in August. And I still haven't found anything.

I have 2-3 interviews a day. But they won't take me anywhere. First question: you got married, you are 26 years old, are you probably planning to go on maternity leave? And how to explain?! Yes, of course, my husband and I want a baby. I really want to become a mother. But now my career is more important to me! I want to get a job, work for a year or two and go on maternity leave.

My husband jokes that I can already become a salesman. But I can’t get over myself. I am looking for a position in the field of PR and journalism. I’m already looking for secretary vacancies, but for some reason they don’t even call me for interviews. I feel that my mother-in-law is dissatisfied with me and considers me lazy. I work part-time at home, write articles, but it’s pennies. I am ashamed in front of my husband that he works and I sit at home. I feel like a complete insignificance. When my husband leaves for work, I hide in my pillow and sob. I have already lost hope, I no longer understand what I want. I remember my past work as a holiday. Alas, we do not appreciate what we have.

I thought I would get married - there would be happiness, travel, we would save up for a mortgage (we rent a house), but in the end there would only be quarrels, tears and resentment. I understand that I am worthless, since no one needs me in this life. By the age of 30, everyone already holds good positions, but I don’t even have a simple job. There are successful and happy people all around who don’t count pennies for travel and don’t think about how and what to buy food with. Yes, my parents help me, my mother gives me money, but it makes me feel ashamed. After all, I should be helping her!

I am responsible, punctual, I love my job and I know it. Yes, I am not sociable, I am serious, I have few friends. And I’m not confident in myself, it seems to me that I’m not worthy of big money. I understand that I am also lazy. I don't particularly like management. I cannot be a housewife, I definitely need to work, but I like it. I agree to a small salary, but so that I am comfortable, so that I like the work, so that I am appreciated. And of course I want there to be no delays, so that it is stable and clear what to do. I can't stand reports or papers. I can’t even imagine where I could get a job. How can I understand myself? What to do? How to get out of this whirlpool? Am I really terrible? How to get rid of the shame of a freeloader? Please help me, I beg you!

“I want to make a career and become a boss in three years”

One can only envy Alexey’s drive. Entering the office, he immediately assessed the situation and noted to himself what needed to be rearranged and what furniture he would order when he became the boss.

When asked where he sees himself in three years, Alexey answered without hesitation: “I will take your place. Naturally, after you become director of the branch network.”

Alexey loved personal growth trainings. They often said there - you need to behave confidently, like a shark.

The leader, however, did not appreciate such impudence. Alexey had to look for another job and figure out on his own what he did wrong. After all, the resume was compiled perfectly.

Don't try to get into the boss's chair. There is no need to talk about the fact that you are going to open your own business, get fabulously rich and go to live in the Bahamas in six months.

Bankruptcy

In the late 90s, when the financial collapse occurred, many were faced with the loss of business, then many men went “underground”. No matter how strange it may sound, the stronger half of humanity endures such situations more difficult. Women have a more flexible psyche. A man's consciousness gets into a dead end due to rationality. This feeling of a concrete slab falls on their self-esteem, on their rational brain, makes them demoralized. The man begins to believe that he has failed to cope with the problem. And if his wife also says that he failed, then he will most likely plunge even deeper into this situation. In this case, there is no one correct solution, so it is better to consult a psychologist and choose a way to deal with your depressed state depending on your psychotype.

I will share a story from my practice. In a family where the husband suddenly became bankrupt and took ill, the wife did not give up and began to look for a solution. And we developed a strategy for the psychotype of her husband. In order for her husband to become active, she created the appearance that she quit her job, so that he would understand that all hope was with him. When they sat down to breakfast, the children asked why we only had tea and bread and butter. She told them that dad would soon go to work and everything would get better. At the same time, she spoke calmly to her husband, saying that he needed to get up and act. After some time, he began to make some calls to old acquaintances, although it was difficult for him to go “to bow”, it broke his pride. But in the end the family got out of this situation. The main thing to remember is that depression is like a swamp, it sucks you in. The sooner you tackle a problem, the faster you will solve it.

How to avoid getting depressed and going through large debts?

Lack of money for a person is already a big difficulty, and if at the same time you have a large debt hanging over you, then the situation seems quite threatening. A gigantic amount of debt puts pressure on a person psychologically. He realizes that even if he manages to cope with his debt, he will have to work hard for several years. But what if you owe more than one creditor, but are forced to pay debts to several counterparties at once?

If you pay off debt to several individuals and organizations at once, then the difficulties in your life are much greater. It is much easier to negotiate with one lender. You have already roughly studied the behavior pattern and psychological state of a person and you can easily adapt to his mood in time.

When you are forced to repay a debt to several creditors at once, you are obliged to monitor the terms of the loan and the required amounts that need to be repaid regularly. One of the most difficult situations arises when you borrow money from your friends and relatives.

After all, if you take money from the bank, you will not only know exactly how much you will have to pay monthly, but you will have an idea of when you will need to repay your loan in full. Borrowing money from a relative or friend does not always have exact repayment terms. Quite often, people take out money and expect to repay the loan in a fairly short period of time. In a month, three or six months.

For example, you agreed with a friend that you will return the money to him in 12 months. Made a purchase or made a renovation. And little by little you begin to save money, hoping to accumulate the required amount by the specified date. But three months later, a friend calls and says that the debt will have to be repaid much faster, because he is offered to buy a very good car at a big discount. Or after 11 months you begin to realize that it is not possible to return the entire amount exactly on time. You simply didn’t have time to accumulate it. Even very good friends can quarrel over such situations.

But that’s not what we’re talking about now. If you are paying off several different loans at the same time, then your first task is to try to combine them in one place. This procedure is called loan refinancing. How it works? You can borrow money from 10 different people. If you need an amount of 150,000 rubles, you can borrow 15,000 rubles from each of them. Or borrow 10,000 from one, 32,000 from another, 6,000 rubles from a third, and so on. In this case, you will have to negotiate with each person individually. Loan repayment terms will vary. But it’s easier to borrow the entire amount in one place.

If you took out several small loans, then you could refinance in one place. But it’s important not to just consolidate all the loans in one place. At the same time, you need to try to negotiate more favorable conditions for yourself. Ideally, reduce the interest rate and increase the loan terms.

When a person works exclusively to satisfy the needs of his creditors, he quickly begins to lose interest in his work activity. And his life turns into a daily routine. If a person is only busy working around the clock, then he simply has no time to live. Therefore, monthly payments should not exceed half of your earnings. If debt payments account for 60 or even 80% of your earnings, then you should seriously consider refinancing at least one or more loans.

But you won’t be able to put off paying off your loan indefinitely, so it’s important to focus on getting a higher monthly income. If 80% of your earnings are spent on paying off debts, this does not always mean that the loan is too large. It is possible that a person simply earns too little. And practice shows that it is no longer possible to “tighten up” expenses. You can no longer get by with simple savings; you need to start acting radically. Try to find an additional source of income.

Many people who are mired in loans work in very good positions. Therefore, when it comes to finding additional income, it immediately comes to mind that part-time work is exclusively about earning money by performing unskilled labor. Therefore, they put off looking for part-time work by any means necessary. Yes, part-time employment almost always implies rapid interchangeability of personnel. After all, almost anyone can post advertisements, deliver orders to apartments and wash dishes in a restaurant.

But you should first think about paying off your huge debt, and not about how you will appear in the eyes of the people around you. And not always a part-time job is hard work for pennies. Sometimes an additional source of income arises from your own hobby. Think about what you could and would like to do to improve your financial condition a little?

At some stage, it may seem to a person that there is no way to cope with the repayment of loans. He begins to worry more, his appetite disappears, and the person sleeps very poorly. Some people even become depressed or develop some kind of mental disorder.

You must remember that a large debt is just a difficulty that you have to cope with. If you worry too much about it, your problems will only get worse. Instead of wasting your energy on negativity, concentrate on some positive thoughts. Imagine how you will live when you pay off your debt. What will you do, where will you want to travel. Do you want to stay in your current job? Or will you write a resume and accept an offer from a more generous employer? Start today to model a future without worries, debts and life's troubles.

BOSSHUNT

I've been hearing from my clients lately that their job search is taking them much longer than they expected - companies are taking their time in making decisions, and in some cases, they are prioritizing internal hires after interviewing several external ones. candidates.

I myself have encountered this situation more than once, when, after going through several interviews at one company, having spent a lot of time and effort on it, in the end I never received the long-awaited job offer. Just recently I spoke with one candidate who had just lost a very high paying job, and his wife was also unemployed at the same time. I can imagine the stress and pressure everyone in this family is feeling right now.

If you have been in a similar situation, then you know that it is a very difficult time not to fall into depression or, at least, not to be in prolonged anxious anticipation all this time. I call this state of the applicant a suspense period, which is characterized by an increase in tense and uncertain anxiety and anticipation of something unknown and terrible. The master of suspense was Alfred Hitchcock, whose films are replete with such moments. Unlike Hitchcock's heroes, during the job search period, the job seeker experiences all the sensations listed above and becomes the main participant in the events taking place. When this condition persists for more than 2-3 months, it can cause great harm and even result in deep depression. I am not a psychotherapist and cannot provide you with professional help in getting out of a depressive state, but my following tips will help you avoid it.

Whether you're already an active job seeker, about to leave your current position, or you're just unemployed and starting your search for the first time, here are my five tips to help you stay balanced during this time.

1. Set yourself up for a longer search period. If you budget more time for your search from the very beginning and don’t expect instant results, you will find it much easier to endure the long wait. And it will be a pleasant surprise for you when your deadline plans turn out to be too high and you find a job much earlier than planned. I have never met people who have been looking for a job their whole life. The longest period (5-6 months) affects only the top positions on the market. On average, it takes an applicant 2-3 months. Companies now select candidates very carefully, especially in times of intense competition in the market. Even if there are many open positions, don't forget that there are also many candidates. Therefore, time matters.

2. Don't blame yourself for not being able to find a job. It's not your fault if you do your best. It's hard to avoid feeling self-righteous and losing confidence and starting to doubt your abilities when you don't receive a job offer. This is exactly the condition that benefits your competitors-applicants. Before you start blaming yourself, focus on action: Check: Is your resume targeted at every job you apply to? Are you too lazy to write a cover letter for every job opening? Is your LinkedIn profile complete? How do you use your social media contacts to attract attention to your person?

3. Don't sit too long at your laptop. Computer addiction can lead to the fact that you cannot do without it and the only addiction at this time may be looking at your email. Of course, technology can definitely help you in your job search, but don't become hostage to job sites. Do not consider Internet portals as your only source for finding vacant jobs. Include in your daily goals to send your resume directly to companies you would like to work for. And believe me, the more methods you use, the faster you will get the desired result.

4. Consider temporary work. This could be working part-time or gaining experience in a new industry. You can also take on a short-term project or offer your services as a freelancer. And at the same time, it is not necessary to get a job officially if you do not want to have an extra entry in your work book.

5. Get feedback. If you've had several unsuccessful interviews, it's highly likely that your interview technique is to blame for your failure to land the job. Don't wait until you have 20 failed interviews and your self-esteem is close to zero. Start preparing in advance for each interview.

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Raisa Sorokina

Find out more at www.raisasorokina.ru
Career job search coach, resume expert, interview coach, founder and author of publications on bosshunt.ru.

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