Mental pain and 7 ways to get rid of it

What does it represent?

It can be acute, chronic, aching and burning. In general, like the physical one, which also arises as a result of the destruction of the boundaries between the environment and the organism itself.

That is, to experience unpleasant sensations on a physical level, it is enough to crash into a wall, hit your little finger on the corner of a table, or miscalculate your strength when peeling potatoes and get hurt with a knife.

With mental pain, things are almost the same, only the cause is the loss of something significant and familiar.

The injury is not visible at first glance, as is the case with a fracture of, say, a leg, but it is felt at a different level.

This could be the death of a loved one, a pet, a break in a relationship with a friend or someone very close, even a child growing up and realizing that he is going to leave the family nest and live separately.

Also a change of place of residence, work, loss of what always brought pleasure and helped to recover. Treason, lies, injustice, disappointment in others, in one’s own capabilities...

In general, the cause of emotional distress is everything that brings changes to a person’s life. And the more significant that “old” was, the more intense the feelings.

Basically, it depends on this intensity how quickly the soul will recover, and what consequences of the loss will make themselves felt.

Often, experiencing acute pain, especially if you do not give vent to feelings, trying to keep them inside, ends in serious health problems and depression with suicidal tendencies.

What is mental pain

Mental pain, or suffering, is a severe psycho-emotional state that occurs as a result of the inability to satisfy a person’s most important life needs. Most often, the strongest emotional experiences come after a loss, be it death or separation from a loved one, loss of a job, financial situation, social status, or even a favorite thing. Sometimes the soul hurts because of the inability to get what you want.

Any situation that unsettles you has one or another traumatic effect. The loss can be experienced for years, and forever remain a bleeding heart wound. A person can completely lose the meaning of life, as people say, give up on himself. This condition can lead to sad consequences - drug and alcohol addiction, prolonged depression and even suicide.

What else happens?

It happens that mental pain affects existential experiences. A person comes face to face with loneliness and thinks about his place in this world, purpose and, in general, the meaning of existence.

Trying to understand his attitude towards death, in addition to fear and horror of the unknown. All this forces him to look for ways that will help him stop feeling and distract him from obsessive, depressive thoughts.

And then there is a risk of falling into a trap. When, in an attempt to escape from reality, he begins to drink alcohol, drugs, gets involved in gambling, becomes addicted to the computer, and so on.

This helps at first, but at one point it stops working and the discomfort returns again, only this time with the most serious consequences.

And it happens that it becomes chronic, accompanying its owner for a long time. Have you ever bought shoes that are not exactly your size?

And wear it, gradually rubbing your feet until such calluses form that even walking barefoot causes discomfort?

It’s just as possible, for example, to marry a person who is not very good to be around. And periodically one gets hurt by it, endures violence or indifference. Then the soul literally aches, suffering every minute.

By the way, each of us has our own certain limit, so to speak, the threshold of pain tolerance.

It is formed in childhood; if the adults who took care of the child, satisfied his basic needs, were emotionally involved, then he then has somewhere to draw resources from to cope with stress.

Mental weakness occurs when the baby has no support behind his back, which is why, if problems arise, he will suffer, not knowing what to do next.

Recommendations from psychologists

What to do when the advice of psychologists tells you very badly in your soul. They recommend speaking out, then:

• sadness is separated from the person;
• he ceases to perceive himself and pain as a single whole;
• frees himself from the burden of problems and worries by sharing information with others.

This allows you to look at the situation from the outside, then it ceases to seem hopeless.

You need to develop the right attitude towards pain, which will allow you to get rid of it. Some people do not want to deprive themselves of experiences because they are associated with other pleasant events. For example, a young man broke up with his girlfriend and is painfully enduring the breakup. But he did not finally come to terms with the loss, believing that his beloved would change her mind and return. He cannot live on, because it is through pain that he feels hope. He himself chose a vicious circle, from which he can break out by admitting that the relationship has come to an end. The only way to heal from mental wounds is to realize that life does not end, it moves on, with new experiences behind it.

Important! You need to take care of yourself, pamper yourself, fill yourself with energy, make fewer demands and look for the positive aspects in everything. Any suffering makes you wonder if everything is going right in life. You need to take it as a reason to change the usual course of events and start living differently.

Striving for a Positive Life

Pain and suffering are life's companions. You need to be able to perceive them correctly, experience them and get rid of negative emotions in a timely manner. Only then will mental pain turn into invaluable life experience and open the gates to a new life.

How does it help?

Protection

It’s hard to believe, but mental pain is beneficial; it’s only important to listen to your feelings and understand why it was given to you and what it can teach you.

For example, it performs a protective function. As if warning of possible destruction.

When you accidentally touch a hot pan, you instinctively withdraw your hand without even having time to think about what happened and why. If you linger even for a second, you end up with a burn.

And in a relationship, having heard an insult from a loved one addressed to you, you will move away from him a little - a completely instinctive, natural reaction.

And if you pay attention to her, you can realize that being around him is not so good. And if you choose to stay further, it means dooming yourself to suffering.

Then the experiences become a marker that someday this will end and this particular relationship will be terminated due to the injustice of the aggression shown.

If you choose the other option - to stay, then you will have to endure and resign yourself. An analogy would be to put your hand on a saucepan, which you didn’t want to burn yourself on, and for the sake of higher goals, endure the discomfort, and then treat the blisters.

Awareness

Unfortunately, a person is not always able to appreciate and take care of what he loves. Often he does not even notice how significant something in his life is. Until he loses it.

So, mental pain is like a litmus test by which you can easily determine the importance of some events, people, and so on.

It is also a constant companion of change. People suffer a lot during a crisis, some cannot stand it and commit suicide.

But it is impossible to get something new without getting rid of the old. How to realize your needs without wanting to move.

Let's say, take marriage. You can experience anxiety, sadness, irritation, sadness, disappointment and other unpleasant feelings every second, but of low intensity and remain in it, afraid to take a step towards the unknown.

Or you can decide and terminate it, faced with severe pain, but at least get a chance to be happy with another partner when the emotions subside. This does not mean that the choice should always be made in favor of divorce.

Each situation is individual and requires a specific approach. The point is that crises in our lives are inevitable and, despite the discomfort, they actually give us opportunities to change our lives for the better.

Those who cannot cope with them face a new problem - internal personal conflicts. But you can learn more about them here.

Make a choice to be cool and not needy, remove expectations.

1. A non-needy person is one who does not cling to other people, is inclined to give more than to receive, and never expects anything from this life! Strive to be one.
2. A person who is not needy does not think about what you will have in the future (even if there is a 99% guarantee, you do not tell others). You can say: “Yes, I have such plans...”. You're going to do it, but you're not living it.
3. You take what you have at the moment, but you never expect anything to happen to you in the future - good or bad. It's useless.
4. The things you may cling to in life can be so ephemeral and destructible.
5. Your reality should not be based on something external!

A person who is not in need does not need both things and people equally! The paradigm is that they are with them, but there is no fear of loss at all!

A person who is not needy never asks questions about how to continue living after a breakup.

A strong person is only glad that weak people themselves leave his life.

It’s harder for a woman to live like this, but it’s possible. No need to cling to people.

Detailed principles of self-confidence for girls are also collected in another section on the site.

Women have a natural need for a man who will protect her, take care of her, they cling to men. This is their problem!

Basic ways to avoid

It is not surprising that people strive to forget themselves and look for ways to cope with mental torment.

But it often happens that in defending themselves from unpleasant feelings, they deprive themselves of the opportunity to breathe deeply, feeling joy and carelessness, lightness.

The psyche uses completely unconstructive methods of getting rid of anxiety. They are called psychological defense mechanisms. They were invented by nature to bring us good and keep us healthy.

Only sometimes it turns out that by going too far with this defense, we end up with even more suffering and difficulties.

Mechanisms

Avoidance and devaluation are the most common. You will learn about what other psychological defense mechanisms exist from the article devoted directly to this topic.

Now let's look at those that help relieve suffering.

• Depreciation. To make it not so bad, it’s easier to take it and decide that in fact the person you had to part with, the job you were fired from, and so on wasn’t really needed.
• Avoidance. Having gotten out of a destructive relationship, it’s easier to consider all women, say, stupid, materialistic, and stop letting them get close. Or, realizing how much worry and anxiety the birth of a child will bring, abandon this idea and join the childfree movement. By the way, animals that have been abused usually react this way. They are afraid to approach a person in the future, even if he extends his hand to stroke them. That is, they are ready to give up pleasure, just to avoid getting into a situation that happened in the past and brought trauma.
• Transfer or projection. A person, as if not recognizing the presence of pain in himself, projects it onto other people and animals. Why does he feel for them what he would like to receive? For example, he develops vigorous activity, trying to help someone and ignoring his own fatigue and limited resources. He feels sorry for everyone around him, forgetting to take time for himself.

How can mental pain be useful to a person?

Wait, what benefits are we talking about? After all, mental pain is a tragedy that destroys human life and prevents it from developing further. But it's not that simple. Suffering is indeed a mechanism, in a certain sense useful for the one who suffers.

It’s not for nothing that this condition is called pain, although it would seem that no internal or external organ hurts. In the human and animal bodies, pain is a signaling system provided by nature, which is designed to control behavior and prevent further destruction of the body. Painful sensations from touching a hot or sharp object mean that this object should not be touched; pain in the mouth or stomach after swallowing certain types of food indicates that it is poisoned food and is dangerous to eat. Pain when moving the injured limb indicates that this limb cannot be moved in order to avoid a permanent fracture and loss of the limb. Without this mechanism, the life of animals and humans would be fundamentally impossible. This is also mental pain: it signals that a person should change something in his life.

And first of all, you need to understand yourself, find the real cause of suffering. And often this reason turns out to be not an object in the surrounding world at all - for example, a loved one with whom you had to break up. After all, it is possible that this person also became a hostage to illusion; due to his youth, he was not pragmatic enough. Perhaps the real cause of your suffering is... you?

It is not difficult to notice that people who are faced with harsh reality from the very beginning rarely experience severe mental pain and are able to cope with them quickly enough. This does not mean that such people are completely insensitive, do not love anyone or anything and are not interested in anything; on the contrary, among them there are often real maniacs who devote themselves wholeheartedly to the object of their dreams. And they strive to achieve their goal at any cost. Knowledge of the laws of reality allows them to readily meet any obstacle and more or less successfully eliminate it. From childhood they are accustomed to the fact that they need to enter into an irreconcilable battle with the world around them, and not expect favors from it. And yes - more often than not, such people achieve great success in everything - be it love, work, career, a decent standard of living, and so on.

Why should you go to specialists for help?

I would like to remind you that any pain will end sooner or later. Even if it seems like it will never be possible to remove it. And although the phrase: “Time heals” can sometimes be annoying, it never loses its relevance. Because after night there always comes day.

You can simply speed up the healing process by turning to specialists. When the body is sick, a person goes to the doctors. This is, of course, when he is interested in living a full life.

If not, then he ignores the disease and drinks alcohol so as not to worry too much about its presence. But this option is not for us. So, when your soul hurts, turn to psychologists and psychotherapists.

With their help, you can discover the true causes of painful experiences. Accordingly, you will understand how to deal with them for sure, and you will transform your defense mechanisms from destructive to constructive.

And, most importantly, get support, speak out, cry if necessary and simply feel the presence of another person nearby. Quality, not when they listen to you with half an ear, thinking about their own things and dreaming when you will shut up.

By the way, if you feel really bad, you should consult a psychiatrist. Not to be locked in a clinic and have your hands tied in a straitjacket.

And so that after the consultation, if necessary, medications are prescribed that will relieve anxiety, calm and relax. Antidepressants, for example, will help improve mood, which is usually either absent or unstable.

And it won’t hurt to get enough sleep to restore resources spent on emotions if you are prescribed sleeping pills.

In general, remember, the sooner you get help, the greater the likelihood of recovery without any special consequences for the body.

Let’s say, without accompanying depression, asthenia, or, even worse, mental disorders, the occurrence of which can be triggered by stress.

How to cope with mental pain: how pain can be useful to us

If through physical pain the body transmits to us signals of “malfunction” and serves as a reminder that we are still alive, it is a mistake to assume that psychological pain has other properties. Mental pain carries the same function, more subtle and sensual - informing us about the psychological state of the body. We may underestimate psychological comfort and the rules of mental hygiene, however, when the situation becomes critical for our body, the work of consciousness and the processes of the unconscious are turned on. The body begins to actively modernize itself and adapt to new environmental conditions.

What is psychological pain for? As noted above, these are important accents of the life scenario. It is the consequences of experiencing “crises”, “pain points” of our life path that shape the further development of a person. Experiencing mental pain is not an easy experience and is perceived negatively by many. However, mental pain also has a number of advantages, since it is a “signal” about possible positive changes in your personality. Among the positive aspects of experiencing pain are the following.

Mental pain as initiation and acquisition of new experience

Thanks to psychological discomfort, every time we find ourselves in a choice: move on or stay in place. Pain can be considered as a rite that will give impetus to the transition to a new stage of development, “initiation” into a more mature life. Any mental pain, for example: the breakup of a long-term relationship or short-term relationship, loss of a job or a quarrel with loved ones, is intended to make us wiser and adapt to the situation.

Psychological pain is a way of adapting to new conditions, acquisition or loss

Every crisis we go through is experienced with pain. When we find ourselves “at the bottom” of sadness and powerlessness, there is only one way to move forward - to rise up and develop. Mental pain can be associated not only with the loss of an object of affection: a break in a relationship, the death of a loved one, but also with the acquisition of new knowledge and experience of failure, acceptance of oneself and one’s shortcomings. The severance of a relationship is accompanied by the loss of a whole range of contexts for joint activities: walking, running a household, organizing and spending leisure time, joint professional activities, doing business, and much more. If the relationship with such a person was very significant for us or was characterized as codependent (when the boundary between “I” was erased and a “we” was created), the loss of such a relationship can entail an intense experience of psychological pain. Adapting to new conditions often causes discomfort, but thanks to this we can move on.

Pain is a reaction to violation of personal boundaries

Violation of personal boundaries, integrity and harmony of a person is also accompanied by psychological discomfort and loss of balance. We can lose something valuable not only in what is realized with the help of other people, but also in ourselves. After experiences we always become different, our attitude and perception change. Thanks to the intensity of pain, we can assess the degree of value of something significant to us.

If you compare the pain to the storm, then you may not know how you found yourself in the epicenter of these events, even how you got out safely, you will only know for sure, only one thing - that you will never again be the same person who entered the storm. You will be different. Pain is about growth and development .

Pain is a great opportunity to “hear” and “listen” to yourself

Mental pain is a great way to see your weaknesses and strengths, get to know your capabilities better, look at yourself in a new way, praise and take care of yourself, accept yourself and thank yourself; improve and outline a vector for further development. Thanks to crises we grow. Thanks to them, we improve and change. Therefore, it is not worth considering mental pain purely as a negative phenomenon. It's always an opportunity to improve yourself. If you change your attitude towards pain as a factor necessary for personal development, the very perception and experience of psychological discomfort will change. It is important to remember that pain loves when people talk about it and express their emotions. The more and more intensely you speak out, the more “productive” your work with pain will be. Don't keep her to yourself and don't work with her one on one! Share what is on your mind, what you think about and what you worry about with others.

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Methods

Recovery

When a person feels suffering, he loses connection with himself, his body. Therefore, in order to heal the soul, it is important to restore contact with the body.

Let's say, if you can easily tolerate a massage, go for at least 5 sessions. Feeling the boundaries of your body, it will be easier for you to notice that experiences also have these boundaries, and accordingly, someday you will go beyond their limits and experience relief.

The muscles of the back and neck will relax, which are usually very tight, tense and cause discomfort during stress.

Reflection

No matter how childish it may seem, keep a diary where you pour out the entire stream of thoughts that are swarming in your head. You cannot accumulate unpleasant and difficult emotions, as this will only make the situation worse.

Imagine that a wound has festered, and instead of disinfecting it, treating it with medicine and covering it with an adhesive bandage, a person simply took it and covered it with something so as not to see.

In general, you understand, take a leaf and free up space within yourself for other feelings and thoughts.

Just don’t immediately criticize what you’ve written. You will re-read everything later, when it becomes easier.

Physical exercise

Yes, the best way to get rid of mental suffering is to work hard physically. Choose the method yourself, let it be a workout, general cleaning, or just a long walk in the park.

In addition to the fact that you will relieve excess tension, you will get tired, which means you will fall asleep faster. This will also give you a dose of endorphins, joy hormones.

Even if not immediately, but gradually you will begin to enjoy physical activity. And as a bonus there will be a toned figure and improved well-being.

Immerse yourself in a state

Yes, it's scary, almost terrifying at times. After all, how can you allow yourself to completely surrender to feelings if it’s already unbearable?

But this is necessary, the longer you try to avoid suffering, the longer you will live with it.

Enlist the support of loved ones, allow yourself not to be happy and smiling for at least some time. If you feel bad about parting with your loved one, grieve, that’s the only way you can

you will gradually reach a level where there is not pain, but sadness. And there it’s just a stone’s throw away to a feeling of relief, calm and even tranquility.

Just don’t try to forget what happened. This will devalue what should have been part of your life story, part of you.

Take care of your health

If you have an addiction, no matter to alcohol, cigarettes, etc., be sure to take up the question of how to get rid of it. Because addictions only aggravate the condition, and do not help in any way to recover and become happy.

Review your diet by giving up fatty and fried foods. Add foods that will help your body recover, such as nuts, vegetables, sea fish, spinach.

And bananas, grapes and oranges with strawberries stimulate the production of endorphins, joy hormones.

Be sure to get enough sleep, most importantly, do not give in to hysterics before going to bed, including movies that only make you want to cry.

Ventilate the room, drink a glass of warm milk and calm the swarm of thoughts in your head by, for example, performing breathing techniques to relieve stress.

Journey

Under no circumstances should you remain completely alone for a long time. Yes, this is extremely necessary at times, but there is a risk of getting so used to it that in the future you won’t be able to let anyone near you.

So, when you realize that it’s time to act, otherwise despondency and apathy will take over, try changing the picture. Enlist the support of someone who can be there for you without further traumatizing you, and go on a journey.

You don’t have to fly to another country, just get out of your home and go on a tour of your own city. Visit an exhibition, a museum, in general, try to spend time a little differently than lately.

Ways to overcome

Heartache occurs due to many reasons. Someone experienced the death of a loved one, another broke up with a partner.

Not everyone can overcome pain and continue living. Getting rid of mental wounds takes time and the desire to recover. Despondency often turns into depression, so you shouldn’t start fighting the pain.

Allow yourself to feel

You should not hide the fact that the pain drags on and it becomes more and more difficult to get out. The soul groans, the heart is broken, unfortunately, this is normal. You need to give free rein to your emotions - scream, hit a pillow, break the hated teapot. During treatment, you should not suppress tears. Crying helps release pain and overcome it.

Meditation helps in accepting emotions, which directs thoughts in a peaceful direction. But you need to calm the flow of ideas only after a painful outburst.

Share with loved ones

Parents and friends are able to find words of support and help overcome the burden when it seems that there is no salvation. It is necessary to speak out to people who are part of your circle of trust. Friends and parents will be able to give advice and tell you their point of view on a specific situation.

Regular meetings or conversations with loved ones are very effective. Such moments will become a pleasant ritual, will force a person to wait for the appointed day and find interesting topics for conversation. You should not drink alcohol in any quantity, as alcohol can cause strong emotions that will be difficult to cope with.

For cases when conversation is impossible, a personal diary will come in handy. Every thought should be written down in it, pain should be expressed. There is no need to be shy and hold back, as no one will read these sheets. If necessary, the diary can be burned, which will become a bridge between the stages of life.

No need for drama

It is typical for a person to have a long discussion of a painful situation and memories. This behavior leads to being “stuck” in the experience and unable to accept the loss or breakup. Negative emotions are natural, but you should not create the habit of dramatizing and exaggerating the scale of the problem.

The cause of mental pain can be reminded (consciously and unconsciously) by relatives of the sufferer, giving advice, mentioning unpleasant names or events. To eliminate such provocations, it is worth stopping communication with such individuals at least for a while.

Responsibility

A person needs to accept the fact that depression cannot last forever. It is necessary to take responsibility for your own life and look for ways to recover.

It is worth analyzing actions and thoughts, understanding the impact of actions on the outcome and admitting mistakes. Sometimes taking responsibility for your life manifests itself in changing your lifestyle and forming healthy habits.

Acceptance of feelings

To survive a spiritual crisis, it is worth spending time studying your condition and understanding the reason for the appearance of certain feelings.

Psychologists have developed a practice that consists of compiling a list of tasks that were completed during the week and the sensations that appeared after completing the recorded actions. This will help you get rid of the feeling of wasted time and set priorities.

Finding activities that bring you joy on a daily basis will help you adopt an attitude toward routine, socialization, and find a way to cope with pain.

Lifestyle change

A person cannot survive mental pain without personal changes. To cleanse, it is worth changing the furnishings in the apartment; it is enough to restore order and rearrange the furniture.

Several actions that the body requires daily:

• dream;
• nutrition;
• movement.

It is necessary to learn to enjoy food, it is worth creating a balanced nutrition plan. It is important to get enough sleep and go to bed before midnight, since sleep is the basis for restoring mental balance.

“In order to forget the shaky and unfaithful past, you need to create a new history for yourself.” (Paulo Coelho)

Movement and sports force the body to produce happiness hormones, so if you are in mental pain, you need to force yourself to go for a walk and do exercises.

Caring for loved ones

If sadness has gripped your heart, you should remember your family and friends and surround them with care. It is often difficult to take the first step towards, especially when a person thinks only about the cause of the pain. The response and gratitude of loved ones will help restore strength and desire to live.

Caring for a pet will create an object on which to direct thoughts and care. Walking, playing and having a living creature nearby will heal the soul, creating positive energy that can be spent on yourself and your pet. It is necessary to approach the choice responsibly so as not to create discomfort for your pet in the future.

Dreams

Having your head in the clouds helps to distract from negative emotions and makes a person find ways to develop or achieve a dream.

Thinking through every little detail of desire in detail helps you move towards your goal, overcoming pain. There is no need to suppress dreams by arguing about a recent loss or breakup. Dreams are an opportunity to plunge into another world, the achievement of which will help cope with pain.

Destroying Negative Emotions

Memories do not appear on their own. A song that is associated with a specific event or a soft toy will certainly cause a flood of tears or anger. Therefore, it is necessary to remove reminders and cleanse personal space from the source of pain.

It is not forbidden to think about what happened, but thoughts should be directed toward the positive. If memories cause pain, you should switch to pleasant or neutral impressions. A change in environment helps clear away negativity: from decluttering closets to new walking routes.

No bad habits

Often people try to drown out the pain with alcohol and drugs. Due to mental anguish, a person does not want to solve the problem, but seeks to escape from it through intoxication. Addictions only aggravate the situation, adding physical dependence to the experience.

Meditation can help you cope with stress if you practice regularly. A person is free to choose suitable techniques for himself, music that will set him in the right mood. Working with breathing practices will be beneficial, helping to improve concentration and restore peace of mind.

The advantage of meditation is that it does not require a strictly defined time. A person allocates as many minutes as he can spare. The habit of meditating for 5 minutes in the morning disciplines and helps to create a small binding ritual, which over time will become a pleasant reason to get up.

Read more about how to get out of stress →