How to move on after your husband cheated

Factors influencing adultery

A group of scientists from the state of Florida conducted a study to determine the reasons why spouses enter into outside relationships. Participants in the experiment were observed for 3.5 years - 233 couples who got married less than a year ago.

According to the results of the study, it turned out that men who cheat more often are:

under 35 years old;
not satisfied with the marital relationship;
married to women with expressionless appearance;
had a lot of sexual relations before marriage.

In addition to the potential image of a cheating spouse, scientists have identified 5 common reasons why men have affairs on the side.

Sexual dissatisfaction

This is the most natural reason for cheating. Physiologically, it is important for men to regularly satisfy their needs; they also want variety in their intimate life. Not finding this in marriage, they look elsewhere.

To maintain sexual interest in each other, both spouses must constantly work on themselves and the relationship.

Self-affirmation

Men tend to compete, if not with someone else, then with themselves. Each intrigue is perceived as another victory on the sexual front and helps you feel confident.

To rule out this reason for betrayal, you should think about what is a symbol of self-affirmation for your husband? Perhaps he wants to have the most beautiful wife. Or maybe intelligence or some specific qualities matter, for example, business acumen?

Think about what makes your husband proud that you are his wife?

Depreciation of values

Another reason why men are looking for an affair on the side is the discrepancy between values in the family. Can you name 5 important values in family life for a spouse? A positive answer indicates maturity in the relationship and respect for each other.

If you couldn’t answer, perhaps you don’t talk to each other too much? You need to remember that it is important to satisfy the interests and values of your other half so that someone else does not do the same.

Male infidelity from a psychological point of view

Some experts in the field of relationships assure that the situation when the husband is walking can be turned to your advantage, strengthening the shaky foundation of the marriage. As paradoxical as it sounds, betrayal can bring back the former passion and spiritual intimacy with a partner to a relationship. Advice from an experienced psychologist on what to do if your husband has cheated comes down to a confidential dialogue with your significant other.

Mutual frankness and open conversation will help to find out the reasons for the spouse’s actions and will most likely push towards a mutual intention to start life together from scratch. From a psychological point of view, it is a mistake to hide one's awareness, because this implies a loss of mutual trust between partners.

Many women do not know how to behave with a husband who has cheated, so they choose a wait-and-see approach, hoping that the problems will resolve themselves. There is a rational grain in this approach. Frank male confessions about a romantic adventure are most often isolated cases of infidelity.

If a married guy has sexual relations with someone else, then he is just one of 90% of married men who have done this at least once. Statistics show that a third of 10% of married men who did not dare to take decisive action thought about having sexual relations on the side.

How to continue to live together after your husband’s betrayal - a step-by-step algorithm of actions

To really turn the page on family life with infidelity, you need not only to sort through yourself and your feelings, but also take a number of practical actions that will help you forget about this negative event.

Step 1: Relieve Stress with Positive Actions

As in the saying “they knock out a wedge with a wedge,” try to replace the negative emotion in your memory with a positive one. Considering how strong feelings the betrayal caused, what you will use to cover it up should be extremely positive.

It is desirable that these be ritual actions that confirm the complete restoration of peace in the family and create an attitude that this will not happen again.
Examples of such actions:
If the relationship on the side arose in a civil marriage, officially register the relationship.
If there is registration, and the spouses are believers, you can visit the church for communion or have a wedding.
If at the time of marriage the financial situation of the spouses was unstable and the wedding was modest, you can go on a trip to the tropical islands and have a second marriage ceremony. For example, you can go to Bali, the Maldives, Thailand - places where weddings are held on the ocean and a supporting document is issued. It should be solemnly hung on the wall as a reminder of the inviolability of the union.
Replacing wedding rings - buy new jewelry and exchange them again in a formal atmosphere.
Conduct a family photo session with both your husband and children. Hang the best pictures on the wall, you can even make photo wallpaper.
Do something extreme and new together: climb to the top of a mountain, scuba dive, parachute jump, and so on. Whatever you have enough imagination and courage to do. The emotions from such actions, lived together, greatly bring people together.
Immediately after reconciliation, buy a last-minute ticket and go to the seaside the very next day. If finances do not allow this, drive to the nearest city, rent a hotel and spend the evening walking around new places. A change of environment gives a great boost of energy.

There are a lot of options, the main thing is to do new things together and with mutual consent, so that the process brings pleasure to everyone.

Step 2. Stop any reminders of what happened

If you decide to forgive your husband after cheating, put a strict ban on any conversations on this topic. The more often you talk about it, the more the information will be consolidated in your memory, acquiring new details and reasons for offense.

It will also be unpleasant for the husband to constantly feel guilty and have to make excuses for an offense committed a long time ago.

Thus, if you decide to accept the fact of betrayal and continue your family life, be prepared for the fact that any conversations on this topic will be prohibited.

Step 3. Determine common or at least similar values

Getting your husband back is not as difficult as keeping him and making him understand that things are better in the family. It is important to have a common goal not for the next week, but for the rest of your life.

To do this, you need to have conversations at least on weekends in which views on the world and plans for the future are discussed.

Having returned your husband, become not only necessary for him as a woman, but also as a partner who supports his aspirations. Ask questions about the future:

How does he see your life in 10-15 years?
What kind of house does he want to buy?
How many children will you have?
What job should I work?
Where to spend your old age?

Find your place at each point in order to become the only woman in his life, the one from whom they do not leave, because you cannot leave yourself.

Step 4. Make the financial part of the family completely transparent

There are many more sexually active men than those who have a free apartment for intimate meetings or hidden sources of income for fun leisure and expensive gifts.

This small percentage of financially free men is a tasty morsel for young girls, which increases the risk that a spouse will respond to obvious attention. To reduce this likelihood, make sure that you always know how much is in the accounts and how finances are distributed.

To do this, you need to define a number of rules:

husband and wife know each other's exact income;
each of them knows the password for their personal online banking account and PIN codes for cards;
any large purchases are made only with mutual consent;
there is an agreement on how much money can be spent on everyone’s personal needs;
Every Sunday, husband and wife plan a budget for the next week together.

Such simple actions will reduce your husband’s attractiveness in the eyes of women hunting for wealthy men, and will give you peace of mind.

Step 5: Spend more time outside the home together

Strong family relationships are built on shared interests and shared experiences. Couples who have shared memories and achievements are not at risk of divorce. For example, learn to scuba dive together or take a dance class. There are plenty of options, choose what interests you both.

Reasons for betrayal

Statistics show that in 80% of cases, divorce is initiated by women. This is exactly how many wives behave when their husbands cheat on them, often forgetting about such important things in family life as love, mutual understanding, the ability to give in and forgive. Men are conservative by nature; they do not like to radically change anything without good reason.

If he cheats and secretly meets with his mistress, perhaps this is an attempt to compensate for the internal dissatisfaction that arose due to misunderstanding and lack of appreciation in the family. The main reasons that prompt him to lie and seek solace in the arms of his mistress:

A man does not take relationships with other women seriously. In this case, romantic meetings on the side are a way of self-affirmation, an opportunity to emphasize your high status, relevance and importance.
Dissatisfaction with intimate life with spouse. If a wife often has a headache, is not ready for new experiments, and treats physical intimacy according to generally accepted stereotypes, the husband may eventually lose sexual interest in his once desired partner.
Unfavorable psychological climate in the family. If regular scandals and mutual accusations have become the norm, a man subconsciously looks for a comfortable place where he can relax and take a break from work and eternal problems.
Middle age crisis. Representatives of the stronger sex are often driven to dubious feats in the intimate sphere by the awareness of inevitable aging, loss of physical strength and male attractiveness.
The need for thrills, vivid emotions. Often guys consider an affair on the side as their own achievement, victory, success. Risk, the prospect of an exciting adventure, the opportunity to boast of victory to friends often push young, insecure guys to such adventures.
Work involving frequent business trips for the husband or wife. Long separations from a significant other provoke the search for a new sexual partner.

The only reason for betrayal that really threatens a marriage is strong love, the passion of the spouse for another woman. Even in such a situation, a wise wife, if she wishes, will be able to save the family without inciting conflict, without reproaching her husband or making demands, remaining faithful to her husband and devoted to family values.

If you decide to leave

In the first minutes after you find out about the divorce, you may decide that you want to get a divorce right away. It is very important not to make such decisions rashly and weigh all the circumstances, especially if you have children together.

But if you still decide that you cannot forgive the betrayal and will get a divorce, you need to think about how to restore your emotional state.

Don't compare yourself to your rival

There is a stereotype that men choose women who are more beautiful or younger than their wives as mistresses. In fact, even dazzling beauties who are successful with the opposite sex are cheated on. Therefore, you should not torment yourself and think that the reason for cheating is that you are not beautiful enough.

Boost your self-esteem

Take care of your appearance: change your wardrobe, makeup style, hairstyle. This should be done not because you are not beautiful enough, but because such changes will make you more confident in yourself. If you've always wanted a short haircut but have been feeling sorry for your hair, it's time to get a haircut. If you've been dreaming of taking a course to become your own makeup artist, the moment has come. It will also be useful to do sports, yoga and other activities that interest you, but for which you always did not have enough time.

Very quickly you will notice how you have become more confident and attractive in the eyes of men.

Check your health

Any stress affects the general condition of the body, and betrayal and divorce proceedings are a serious test that cannot but affect health. It is during this period that you should pay more attention to yourself and undergo examinations that have been put off for a long time.

Reconsider your attitude towards your husband and forgive him

Even if you have decided to break up with him, you should not keep negative emotions to yourself. If a person fell in love, he should have said so. And living for two families is a manifestation of weakness and inability to take responsibility.

Forgive your husband for this behavior and let the situation go. This will help you quickly achieve emotional stability and inner harmony.

To do this, you can write a letter to your ex-husband and tell him about your experiences and broken dreams. You can also write a message to your future self, in which you describe how well you are doing and what you have achieved.

Find support

During this difficult period, you should not be alone. Talk to your best friend, communicate in thematic groups and forums, make an appointment with a psychologist. It doesn't matter which support option you choose, as long as you feel comfortable.

Thus, only you can decide how to act after your husband’s betrayal - continue family life or get a divorce. Regardless of what you end up with, your main goal is to maintain your own peace of mind.

Consequences of male infidelity for a woman

In most cases, when a woman finds out about her husband’s love relationship with another, she subconsciously experiences fear not of the fact of betrayal itself, but of its consequences:

Decreased self-esteem.
Loss of confidence in your attractiveness.
Threat to family well-being.
The likelihood of losing financial support from your husband.
Divorce.

For many men, a casual relationship on the side is a meaningless adventure that does not allow the stronger sex to forget that he is an attractive alpha male who enjoys female attention. This is a kind of way to maintain a high opinion of yourself in the eyes of others and your own. A real threat to family happiness can be a long-term relationship with one partner, which indicates the presence of a spiritual connection in addition to physical attraction.

If a husband cheats with different women, this means that he and his temporary partner are connected only by sex, the opportunity to experience a sense of novelty and satisfy physical needs. As a rule, such men do not leave their wives and families, remain excellent family men, take care of loved ones, and place family values high. In such cases, if the wife finds out that her husband is cheating, sometimes it is better to do nothing and behave as if nothing had happened.

Perhaps mistresses are willing to experiment boldly in bed, and this attracts a man who is tired of monotonous sex with his wife. You can try to influence the situation by arranging a romantic evening by candlelight, offering your spouse unusual options for intimacy. You don't have to become a porn star to spice up your sex life. Enough to change:

Place. Instead of a bed, choose a bathroom, a car, an elevator, or another acceptable option.
Cloth. Instead of a nightgown, choose sexy, eye-catching lingerie.
Caresses. Instead of the usual foreplay, offer your partner any acceptable options, which are offered in abundance and described in detail in specialized Internet sources.

Even if all efforts were in vain and the husband continues to cheat and lie, in some cases it is better for a woman not to do anything that could provoke a scandal and subsequent divorce. A spouse's mistresses will never become a serious threat to the family as long as his interest is based only on physical attraction. Sexual passion quickly fades away, and along with it, interest in the next passion disappears.

Psychologist's advice

My husband cheated, what should I do? Advice from a psychologist will help girls cope with their experiences and inner anxiety. In order to be able to improve relationships after betrayal, follow the recommendations:

Be able to listen. To do this, inquire with sincere interest about the affairs of the interlocutor.
To restore the family, it is important to build a trusting relationship, which is difficult to do if one of the spouses has once cheated. To do this, each couple agrees on how to restore trust.
You should not try to take revenge on your husband/wife with the first one you come across. The replacement of the offender must be worthy; in the heat of the moment, this option is unlikely to come up.

Cheating is a difficult ordeal not only for one spouse, but for the entire family. Before making decisions, it is important to understand what divorce will bring, or whether you will have the strength to forgive and restore the relationship. Both spouses should participate in the resuscitation of relationships, only then is it possible to strengthen the family.