Why doesn't anyone understand me? Learning to communicate effectively

Why doesn't anyone understand me? Learning to communicate effectively

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Requests for help Write your story I don’t want to live anymore. There are no friends, no money, no goals in life, no love. In general, I am indifferent to everyone. There is nothing to live for. I understand perfectly well what step I have decided to take. I have had the desire to die almost all my life, but sometimes (for a short period of time) it was felt to a lesser extent and with this I could still somehow exist. In the evenings and nights I am left alone with my thoughts... about suicide. I have long planned where and how I will die. I even replayed in my head the possible scenario of my death and funeral. I looked at funeral prices on some websites. I know this is NOT NORMAL. Many people say that it will go away with time. But I know that my desire to die will never go away, unless I calm down for a while, but it won’t go away... I’m afraid that one day I’ll be overwhelmed, I’ll lose self-control and I’ll commit suicide, I’m really afraid of that. What to live for? For the sake of love, yes, completely, but I am convinced that in this world there is only one half of me (the chance of meeting whom is almost zero), and even more so to whom the hell have I given up. It’s very difficult for me to find friends, and no one wants to be friends with me (the fact is that I’m weird, literally weird), usually I’ll see/walk with a person two or three times and that’s all. Then the person forgets me. I know that I’m not like everyone else, but this is not my thing, but on the contrary, it’s like a curse. Nobody understands me, and this is really true. I have a lot of complexes about my body. I have nothing to strive for in life. I don’t want a family, I don’t want children. I can’t even find happiness in money, because salaries in the country are low, there are no decent jobs, the crisis is everywhere. I’m a student, I can’t imagine what I’ll do in the future (if I live). I'm almost begging. I have fears that I will never become happy or successful. This prevents me from living! I can’t do it anymore (Thank you for taking the time to read my confession! Maybe there’s someone sitting here who will understand me? Maybe the one and only love of my life is sitting here? Maybe someone with a similar problem is sitting here? Even a mental hospital won’t save me ...

Student, age: 17/05/05/2017

Responses:

Hello. You are still too young and there is plenty of time to achieve something, achieve something. Study slowly, find a part-time job, try to get on your feet, and then you can think about starting a family. The main thing is to take your time, do not run ahead of the locomotive. Gradually, step by step...Everything will work out.

Irina, age: 29 / 05/06/2017

I have a similar problem. I have an absolutely identical state, I don’t know why I live, all these needs inherent in people (love, money, some kind of goals) do not find meaning in my mind, people, especially my relatives, are not able to understand me. They don’t want to be friends with me, I’m a little different from everyone else, my psyche is not okay, I have thoughts of suicide... However, dude, you should still gather your courage, stop tormenting yourself with these thoughts, after all, the world is what it is, and if you want to change something, you need to do something (said like typical adults and my family). Of course, there are a lot of people with similar problems, even among my circle, but these people don’t communicate with me, because they also think that they are not interesting to anyone, so we sit almost next to each other, but we can’t talk, because we consider ourselves worthless). Well, whatever it is, don’t forget that existence does not end with typical human needs, look for yourself in something, try to distract your mind from thinking about the meaning of existence. For example, I’m learning to draw (well, I’m interested in this area now), and in order not to go crazy, I do something, look for information on the Internet, read various articles from all fields of science, and study Japanese. Well, I hope you get the point)

Qwerty, age: 17/05/06/2017

Hello! You write about how you see no point in living anymore. But you don’t know what will happen in your future, how your life will turn out. What you describe is primarily created by your imagination. Why do you only consider the worst case scenario? Yes, of course, there are things in life that do not depend on us, but 95% of our life depends on us. From our attitude to life, from our thoughts and actions. Life always provides a chance to get what you want to those who really want something and work for it. I can’t believe that you don’t want anything at all. You probably have some desires. Make them your goals, work to implement them. This is how you give meaning to your life. You are still very young. Don't waste the precious time of your life. Start enjoying the little things: delicious food, an interesting movie, a win for your favorite team. We need to learn to rejoice! Gradually you need to change your negative attitudes to positive ones. You need to make an effort on yourself! And remember that life is not easy for practically all people on earth, everyone has their own difficulties. A happy life does not fall on your head, you create it with your own hands.

Marianna, age: 27 / 05/06/2017

Hello! I really sympathize with you. I understand what it is when no one understands. I reassure myself that it is absolutely impossible in principle to understand another person. Therefore, you should not even expect understanding from others, otherwise you will be disappointed. But this does not mean that No one understands you at all. God always understands you and He really needs you. Ask the Lord for help and you will feel better. Try going to church) True friends are really hard to find. But there is always a chance for this. It is better to be alone than with someone anyhow. If you are really worried about the problem with friendship, you can read about communication) You will definitely have love if you don’t sit at home all day and withdraw into yourself. It’s good that you understand that it’s not normal to think about your own funeral at your age. You can try to talk with a psychologist online about this topic. Drive away negative thoughts as best you can. Study hard or find some hobby, this should help. And depression recedes when you start caring for someone. Even if you are not with you live with a family, you can still help your classmates or join some kind of volunteer movement) It’s important not to isolate yourself and your problems. Don’t be discouraged because of money, you can earn extra money during the holidays. And look, maybe you’re entitled to some benefits at your educational institution) Of course, setting goals in life is difficult. But at least try, set at least a small goal. You have meaning in life and you need to try to understand it. I advise you to read books by Nick Vuinich, they are very motivating) Why Why don't you try to turn your weirdness into a feature? After all, a lot in life depends on how we feel about it. If you don't like something about yourself, then you can always change it (at least try) You can go in for sports) Just don't treat yourself negatively. You are who you are, but you can develop. Stop worrying too much about the future, it depresses you. You rely too much on your strengths, that’s why you worry so much. And you hope that everything that is not being done , everything is for the better. Life always has a direction in a positive direction, even if it sometimes doesn’t seem so. If you don’t see the point in life in creating a family, you can strive for self-improvement. Live to become better and make the world around you better. You at least a little, but you can do it) And a mental hospital is definitely not a solution and suicide too. If you find your place in life, then all these dark thoughts will go away) Seek support from those around you and don’t give up) I wish you the meaning of life, more patience and strength , good relationships in the family, success in studies, good health, always a good mood, happiness, more love, joy and peace in life and all the best! Hold on, God will help you!

Anastasia, age: 18 / 05/08/2017

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Main reasons for misunderstanding

Firstly, you should initially come to terms with the fact that only those closest to you can understand you (and even then they are not obligated!). If they really love and value you, they will try to understand. But you don’t have to conclude that no one needs you if you don’t find understanding on their part. Before you find the answer to the question “why don’t people understand me?”, understand yourself and honestly answer the same question to yourself. Are there really those around you who don’t need you and who don’t want to understand you?

In many cases, it turns out that a person is too demanding of his environment. He becomes fixated on his own experiences and is not interested in anything other than them. But all people love themselves first, and then others. Don't demand excessive efforts from them and think about how often you yourself are ready to listen and understand them. If you are constantly immersed in your own problems, then you will agree that they have the same right, therefore, they care more about themselves than about you.

On the other hand, it is very likely that you are not understood because you behave very strangely, express unusual thoughts, etc. Freedom of thought cannot be prohibited, but one cannot hope for complete understanding here. Therefore, reconsider your life principles and attitudes: are they really more important to you than mutual understanding with loved ones?..

Hello. Are you having trouble finding someone who is close to you? Do your parents disapprove of your actions? Are your classmates uninteresting and stupid? Do you constantly repeat the phrase in your head - no one understands me? Then you came here correctly! I'll tell you why loneliness is not scary, how to find loved ones and what you need to be happy.