How to not be shy to communicate with people

It’s normal to be nervous and afraid. But “normality” has its limits. Nervousness is natural during a date or an exam. Things are bad when you start to tremble when you hear the standard question: “What time is it?” Psychotherapists have called those suffering from a fear of communication social phobias. Life is difficult for such individuals. As soon as a social phobe appears in public view - just walk down the street, ride on the subway - panic immediately begins and uncertainty sets in. Fear of others causes severe stress, seriously impairs the quality of life, and limits opportunities. A sociophobe often finds himself outside of society altogether, afraid to leave the threshold of an apartment, and becomes a prisoner of his own home. But you can get rid of the problem. You just need to change your life a little, find a good psychotherapist. He will teach you how to stop being afraid of people and forget about social anxiety.

Why does fear of society arise and social phobia is born?

An individual begins to be afraid and stops trusting others when:

• bullied by classmates (for poverty, special appearance, obesity, poor academic performance). Social phobia often affects children with burns, people who stutter, and people with disabilities;
• cold, cruel parents refuse to see the child’s problems - they ignore, take the side of “enemies”, demand the impossible;
• fear of others is instilled by overprotective parents who seek to protect their child from the “cruel world”;
• unsociability of loved ones is also a potential culprit of social phobia. If parents hate inviting guests and have few friends, then the child is deprived of the opportunity to gain the necessary communication experience. The baby’s social skills remain undeveloped, and social phobia gradually develops.

Fear of others begins at 12–15 years of age. Sometimes social phobia strikes later - at the age of 16–20 years. Fear of society comes with puberty. The teenager begins to think critically. A growing individual has new responsibilities and his social circle expands. This causes a lot of stress, a desire to hide, to belong to oneself again. The teenager begins to avoid others. He gradually realizes: “I am afraid of people.” Social phobia appears.

Fear of others and shyness are similar, but different phenomena. Shyness often affects children aged 6–11 years (especially from disadvantaged families). But in adolescence it goes away. Introversion and social phobia are also different things. Those who prefer solitude are rarely afraid of others.

How to communicate with people

To learn to communicate correctly, a person must practice a lot.

When you go outside, try to talk to strangers. Ask: “What time is it?”, ask how to get to such and such a street/stop. Come up with something as simple as possible, it will be much easier. Start small.

Read more: 10 ways to manage people and get your way

By practicing every day, a person will be able to realize that he is improving. Yes, there will also be failures, but with their help a person will begin to build for himself certain communication algorithms that will be beneficial to him in the first place. He will begin to understand what not to say. Gradually, “notes of confidence” will begin to appear in his voice. In time he will achieve his goal.

Some rules of communication:

• The emotional tone of the conversation plays a very important role;
• In a conversation, a person unconsciously picks up nonverbal manifestations of feelings (gestures, facial expressions), which also set the tone of the conversation;
• Communication with a person who expresses positive emotions is much easier and more pleasant than with someone who is always gloomy;
• Calling a person by name can help establish rapport;
• When communicating, it is important not only to speak confidently in order to inspire confidence, but also to listen to the interlocutor. This makes him feel more important.
• When talking, you do not need to interrupt, do not be distracted by extraneous factors, focusing your attention only on the interlocutor;
• The word “no” should not be placed at the beginning of the answer, even if you plan to refuse the interlocutor. This should be done in a different, softer form, so as not to provoke a conflict.

It is impossible to take into account all the subtleties of communication, but these rules may be quite enough to build trusting relationships with people. It is recommended to study additional literature on the topic, which will provide deeper knowledge.

How does fear of others manifest itself?

Social phobia has many manifestations. An individual with social anxiety:

• wildly afraid of the assessments of others (even indirect ones). A sidelong glance is enough for a social phobia person to have a panic attack. It seems to a person suffering from pathology that others evaluate his appearance, clothes, and draw bad conclusions. How can you not be afraid of people? Social phobia is already inside;
• afraid to “disgrace myself”, to show weakness. A person suffering from social phobia often suffers from perfectionism, strives to do things “perfectly”, and is prone to soul-searching and self-criticism;
• afraid of questions from strangers. An unfamiliar individual for someone suffering from social phobia is a “stranger” who causes nothing but problems;
• feels fear - what if others “guess” about the fear? A person with social anxiety worries that he will “give himself away”;
• afraid of being the center of attention. Afraid to eat in front of strangers. Refuses to go to public toilets, tolerates it;
• experiences fear of crowds of people (concerts, celebrations, rallies).
• feels very anxious when a relative comes to stay and the boss calls. The social phobe thinks: the meeting will go wrong, when communicating with a relative he will look like a fool, and the rendezvous with the boss will end with a stern scolding.

Remember! Those who are afraid of society often develop agoraphobia - the fear of being among a crowd of people. Agoraphobia is the “sister” of social phobia. The two pathologies are “inseparable.”

A person suffering from social phobia has low self-esteem. An individual with pathology trusts himself only a little more than others. Therefore, social phobia postpones treatment. A person who is afraid of society simply refuses to believe his own feelings and considers himself healthy.

A person with pathology is prone to self-flagellation and masochism. A social phobe refuses help, unconsciously seeking to punish himself for “weakness.”

Treatment for social phobia cannot be delayed. Otherwise it will get worse, the fear will increase. Without the qualified help of an experienced specialist, it is impossible to cure social phobia. Psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin has extensive practical experience in getting rid of fears. Using proven hypnotic techniques, the specialist will free you from the unbearable fear of society, help you feel the taste of life again, and teach you to enjoy communication. He will explain what to do if you are afraid of people.

Letting go of fears from the past

In order to start a confident life without regard to situations that led to negative emotions in the form of fears, you need to do the following:

1. Admit to yourself honestly that at a certain moment you felt fear and are afraid of a repetition of the situation. You need to immediately give yourself a chance: “Yes! Last time I was scared and did not fight back the bully, but next time I will do differently! I’d rather fight than suffer from fear for the rest of my life.”
2. Decide unambiguously how to behave next time: “I will not stand like an idol, but I will fight back! I will use pepper spray, hit you with an umbrella or bag, and loudly call for help.”

As practice shows, such a decision, made in a calm environment, eliminates old fear and helps in the future. Perhaps such a situation will not happen at all, and the fear will disappear.

You can and should get rid of fears. This is a burden that weighs on the human psyche. You can choose the right exercises yourself, but in difficult cases it is advisable to consult a psychotherapist or psychologist.

How to stop being afraid of others at work?

Remember: it is unrealistic to “make friends” with your work colleagues on a whim. A sharp exit from the “comfort zone” will only increase the fear of society and give rise to new fears. You need to start collegial friendship gradually:

1. Avoid group communication. Especially if the group is bosom friends. Among them you will feel like a stranger. Be content with little at first. Talk to individual colleagues, try to find a common topic for conversation. Gradually make friends, the fear will go away.
2. If you have a business meeting, be sure to carefully prepare to “chat.” Have a couple of jokes, read about the latest political and world news, find out about the people you meet - then you can talk.
3. Come to the meetings and brainstorming sessions, where the entire workforce will be present, in advance. Intuition, of course, advises coming later. Like, your colleagues won’t pay much attention to you a couple of minutes before the start of the meeting, they will be engrossed in work matters. It’s better, on the contrary, to arrive early - 10-15 minutes before the start of the meeting. You adapt more easily. You can say hello and chat. Individuals are always less scary than an “impersonal” group.

Remember! Away with arguments - the cat has lost confidence in the social phobe, arguments will quickly cause a panic attack and revive fears. Do you sense your interlocutor's disagreement? Change the topic of conversation instantly.

When you have to give a presentation, prepare thoroughly. Memory cannot be trusted. Fear and fear of others make even a genius of rhetoric confused, forgetful, and confused. So polish your presentation, take notes, write prompts, rehearse many times.

Visit the presentation room before the start to get used to the environment and worry less. When you start speaking, look at the colleagues with whom you maintain close relationships. You can’t look him in the face, the fear will intensify. Just mentally imagine that you are giving a presentation to your fellow friends, not to a group. This way you can gradually stop being afraid of people and overcome your fears.

We treat negativity

For the most part, people suffering from social phobia have a negative mindset. All events taking place in the world, and this world itself, are perceived by them in a gloomy, pessimistic way. Perhaps the reason for this was the insults and ridicule of peers suffered in childhood. Maybe, as a child, the social phobia saw friends in other children, everything seemed to be fine, but then some situation in which the child was not to blame became the reason that he became an outcast, closed himself off from everyone, and began to experience fear and didn’t know how to stop being afraid of people who call you names, how to fight back and prove your strength.

A similar negative experience once experienced created a lasting association. Therefore, even if everything is wonderful, such a person does not believe in this good, looks for a catch in it and expects only bad things. Such negativity creates tension both in the soul of the person himself and in the souls of those close to him. The first step to overcoming negativity can be, for example, reading and practicing books on positive psychology. Such activities instill optimism in a person and put correct and useful thoughts into his head. We must remember that the world is our mirror. If you smiled at the world, then it will certainly smile back at you.

How to stop being afraid of people on the street?

To reduce fear, stop being afraid of being among passers-by, attending concerts, or riding the tram:

• learn to control your breathing. Shortness of breath and hyperventilation outdoors appear first. You begin to breathe too quickly, suffocating due to the proximity of the object of fear. Breathing exercises will help reduce fear. Deep breaths and exhalations are especially helpful. Start and end your day with them (take just a couple of minutes). This helps with social phobia, the fear subsides;
• visualize the positive outcome of contacts with society. Close your eyes, mentally imagine: things went well, you calmly walked down the street, went shopping successfully, exchanged a few words with the cashier. Panic attacks are over, social phobia is gone. You have almost mastered the techniques on how to stop being afraid of people;
• Try to talk to strangers when the opportunity arises. Add a few words if the latest political news begins to be heatedly discussed on the tram. But only a few words, otherwise you will quickly feel insecure.

No attacks, stop trying to quickly “put social anxiety to rest.” This will only increase the fear. Take things gradually. Go out into the world for a short time, gradually increase the time you spend among other “homo sapiens”.

Who is afraid of people?

How terrible and unfair it is that the fear of communication takes the most sociable, emotional and kind people into its networks. This unbearable horror is familiar to special people - those who cry, unable to contain their emotions, when others remain indifferent, who feel great happiness and sincere joy during events that are ordinary for others.

Problems in communication are familiar to those who have the largest, open, sensitive hearts, to those who feel the soul of another: men and women with a visual vector. Most often, the fear of communication is formed in the fragile soul of a child.

How does fear arise in a child?

Using the knowledge gained at Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology,” you can at first glance distinguish unusual emotional children with the most tender and sensitive souls.

Visual boys and girls with attentive eyes and kind hearts are the first to notice someone who needs help and happily take care of another person. The stories of such kids are always filled with emotions; they often say “I love you.” But it happens quite the opposite. The child reacts to the slightest trouble with hysterics and demands attention. He is afraid of adults, avoids children, cries, and does not let go of his mother’s hand for a minute. A visual child, even in play, constantly says: “I’m scared,” “I’m afraid.”

How to stop being afraid of people if an impenetrable wall of mistrust and wariness has grown between the little spectator and the rest of the world? How does this problem occur?

You can't be afraid!

“What are you afraid of, why are you crying? I'm ashamed of you. Nobody cries, you’re the only one!” - a mother might say to her crying daughter during the performance. The girl feels sorry for the hero, she would like to tell her mother about this, but she said that crying is bad and shameful.

In a child's soul, created to love others, a ban on feelings grows. Every day he reduces the opportunity to worry about another, leaving the child alone with his unexpressed experiences. A lonely soul is filled with fears.

Parents, noticing the child's tearfulness and timidity, try to make his character firmer and tougher. Sometimes they even deliberately scare the child, and then explain that there was nothing to be afraid of.

The light is always on in the children's room; the boy has recently been afraid of the dark. A child falling asleep suddenly hears: “It’s me, the evil wolf, who has come to eat you.” The little boy screams in horror and hides under the blanket. He cries and trembles with fear all night.

Other parents like to read stories to their children before bed. Only they don’t know that fairy tales about being eaten, such as “Little Red Riding Hood”, “The Wolf and the Seven Little Goats”, frighten a child, especially a child with a visual vector, awakening his innate fear of being eaten.

“Kolobok, Kolobok, I’ll eat you!” — the baby listens in fascination. I think I liked the fairy tale. And the child is increasingly tormented by nightmares at night and hysterics during the day.

How not to be afraid of people and communication if fear becomes a common emotion in a child’s life? He cannot cope with the problem on his own, he plays alone more and more often, he is afraid of adults, and avoids children.

How to stop being afraid of society - tips, recommendations

Overcoming social phobia and forgetting your fears is not an easy task, but it can be solved. In addition to the help of a specialist, “self-help” is useful:

• In order to defeat the enemy, the enemy must be studied. Keep a diary. Write down your own experiences, analyze factors and events that provoke social phobia;
• Use a piece of paper to describe your fears, then try to mentally mock the objects of your fear. Imagine: “scary” individuals are stupid monkeys. Play with monkey fears, feel superior. When you are afraid of your boss, imagine: the boss is sitting in a loincloth, shaking his fat belly, making inarticulate sounds, beating his chest like King Kong. Laugh at your fears, gradually reduce their strength;
• When you speak, think about the topic, the purpose of the conversation. Get out of your head thoughts about how you look in the eyes of your interlocutor;
• look for individuals whose social phobia is worse than yours. Schizophrenics (in remission) are suitable. Paranoia and social phobia are close relatives, so it is not difficult to find a common language with a person with schizophrenia;
• Use your energy wisely. The more effort you put into things that bring you joy and allow you to feel in control of your own life, the less social phobia will become;
• always remember: strangers don’t care about you. Everyone is busy with themselves, their loved ones, there is little time left for others;
• thank yourself more, praise yourself for your successes. This will instill confidence and lift low self-esteem. Let go of the desire to do things perfectly. Perfectionism is the enemy of a social phobia, the cause of a lack of faith in one’s own strengths and an inferiority complex. Remember this. Then the question “How to stop being afraid of people” will be resolved;
• leave the soul-searching behind. The ability to understand your own feelings is important. But only without masochism. Masochism is the enemy of the social phobe;
• throw away alcohol, cigarettes, and other “soft” drugs (including coffee). Fewer dependencies, less worries. Anxieties will disappear, and social phobia will also “wither.” By the way, “I’m only calm when I’m drunk” is already bad. You will begin to think that it is impossible to overcome social phobia without chemical, nicotine, and alcohol “crutches”; you will become more dependent on booze and cigarettes;
• love a relaxing massage. Social phobes often have a stiff back. Those suffering from the pathology are slouched, “hiding” their necks inside their shoulders. Massage for social phobes is extremely useful.

Remember sports. Physical activity is a great way to banish emotional stress, reduce anxiety, and improve sleep. Insomnia is a serious problem for social phobics.

Social phobia is a thief who steals the joy of communicating with others and makes you unsuccessful in life. It is possible to defeat pathology. Simple “life hacks” and a qualified specialist will get rid of an unpleasant problem.

Fear has big eyes

It is no coincidence that nature has endowed the visual person with such a range of emotions.

In ancient times, it was the spectators who became the daytime guards of the flock, thanks to their keen eyes and the ability to instantly become frightened at the sight of danger. Having noticed a predator in the jungle, they immediately became afraid, releasing fear pheromones. And the flock, sensing danger, immediately fled for their lives. This property of visual people once helped humanity survive in the harsh conditions of the savannah. But times have changed. In modern cities, there is no longer a leopard waiting for us around the corner.

But the ability of visual people to experience a strong sense of fear remained unchanged.

At its root it is the fear of death, the fear of being eaten by a predator. Understanding rationally that no one will eat, a person subconsciously continues to be afraid. Only this fear takes on new and diverse forms: from fear of spiders to fear of people.

Fear distorts the perception of the world around us. Through it we see neither our real selves nor others as they are.

From fear to love - one step

The visual vector is responsible for building emotional connections with others, for interacting with this world through love and acceptance, through the search for beauty in everything around - this is its highest realization.

Visual people need emotions more than anything else. And without even realizing it, they strive to receive them either through fear or through love. When a person is completely focused on himself, he begins to fear for himself. To get rid of this unpleasant feeling, you need to direct it in the opposite direction. Shift from a feeling of fear for yourself to a feeling of fear for others. This is called taking your fear out, gradually transforming it into a feeling of compassion and love for people.

Look around, perhaps there is a lonely old woman living next to you who sometimes needs all the help she can or just attention. Talk to your spouse, sincerely ask how their day was, what bothered them or made them happy today. There will definitely be a person in your environment who will be glad for your attention and participation.

So, in small steps, you will shift your attention from yourself to others.

And this is just the beginning. You can only go beyond your fear through love. When the heart is filled with love, there is no longer any room for fear. It’s not for nothing that they say: “I love you so much that you’re not afraid to die!” This is true.

If a person fully realizes the potential inherent in him by nature, fears go away.

To realize this, viewers often choose professions in which they can reveal their natural talents for love and beauty. These are actors, doctors and nurses, artists, jewelers, teachers, photographers and psychologists.

Hostages of the first experience

Fear of communicating with people can also be caused by the first negative experience. People with an anal vector are susceptible to this fear.

By nature they are neat and tidy. They need everything to be perfect, clean, everything in its place, on the shelves. They are very dependent on the opinions of others, especially on people whom they consider an authority. And their biggest fear is to be ridiculed, to disgrace themselves, to say something stupid. And if they find themselves in such a situation, they remember it for the rest of their lives and next time they try to avoid such an experience.

The combination of visual and anal vectors in an unrealized state produces the most severe phobias. A person can completely close himself off from people. Hide in his shell where no one can find him.

But man is a social being. He cannot survive alone. He needs to contact other people and establish social connections. We can only be happy when surrounded by people.

But what if life didn’t turn out so well and a person got stuck in these irrational fears? How can you stop being afraid to talk to people?