A child steals money - Takes other people’s things without asking, how to stop them and what to do

It is not customary to talk about this problem out loud. Parents, having learned that their child is stealing, experience confusion, shame and, of course, fear: “No one in our family has ever done this,” “What will I tell my friends?”, “We raised a criminal!”

If previously theft was considered a characteristic of children from disadvantaged families, today there are frequent cases when children from families with high material income steal.

What is behind child thefts? Why do children start stealing? How to stop a child from taking what belongs to others? You will find answers to these and other questions in this article.

Do you suspect a child of stealing? Can't get the truth out of him? Find out how things really are - download the Where Are My Children application from the AppStore and GooglePlay stores.

The phenomenon of child theft

Almost everyone in his life has felt the desire to appropriate for himself what does not belong to him. But in most cases, something always holds a person back from this step. What is this? Strong moral fiber? Strength of will? Or perhaps fear of punishment for what they have done?

There are children who have developed an “immunity” against theft from an early age. But for some, stealing other people's things is an everyday occurrence, for which the child does not even feel a sense of shame.

The psychology of child theft is such that the child’s actions are not always criminal in nature. Moreover, he may not know that he is doing a bad thing. Therefore, before accusing a child of criminal tendencies, you first need to find out the reason why your son or daughter began to take what belongs to others.

Do you suspect a child of stealing? Can't get the truth out of him? Find out how things really are - download the Where Are My Children application from the AppStore and GooglePlay stores.

Explain the consequences of stealing

So, you notice that your teenager is taking money from your wallet, or you found something stolen from a store in his backpack. If this is the first time this has happened and your teen has not committed a crime before, the first thing you should do is sit down and discuss how important it is to respect other people's property and that breaking the law can land you in jail. You should not downplay the seriousness of the situation or assume that theft is quite normal if no one noticed you. Speak clearly and clearly when explaining the situation, say that the consequences can change a person's entire life. Use specific definitions - theft and theft. Remind that the teenager could end up in prison for several years, depending on the severity of the offense. Remember that the situation is truly critical, so under no circumstances should it be ignored.

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Why do children steal?

There are five groups of reasons why children begin to appropriate other people's things or money:

Impulsivity, lack of self-control, weakness of volitional behavior

Normally, voluntary behavior in children is formed by the age of 6-7 years. Until this time, it is difficult for the child to cope with his immediate desires. For example, pick up your favorite toy from kindergarten or eat candy lying on the table at a party.

What angers parents the most is that the child does not understand the gravity of the act he committed, does not feel remorse and does not ask for forgiveness. But here everything is simple: the structures of the child’s brain responsible for self-control and volitional behavior have not yet matured. The child wanted to take the thing and took it.

In some cases, impulsivity persists even after 7 years. Such children are emotionally “deaf”, unable to sympathize and empathize with another person. They remain fixated on their needs and desires.

The child's feeling of inferiority

First of all, these are problems in relationships with parents. Mom and dad in such families may be busy making money or raising younger children. As a result, the child feels unloved, unwanted, and lonely. He wants to draw his parents' attention to himself, and he commits theft.

Lack of ideas about property, “one’s own” and “someone else’s”

Yes, it seems that a child should absorb such concepts with mother’s milk. But a large number of child thefts precisely because of unformed moral concepts indicate the opposite.

The child simply may not understand why he can take his mother’s scarf from the closet, but not money from his wallet. And why suddenly you can’t take away a wonderful red car from Sasha’s friend, because Sasha is his friend, which means the car belongs to him too.

This includes the desire to please a loved one with the help of other people's things. For example, bring beautiful beads or Aunt Nadya’s lipstick to the guest’s mother.

Kleptomania

This is a pathological desire to steal something. Moreover, the item itself is usually of no value to the thief. The child takes something that is not in good condition and immediately forgets about the stolen item or loses it.

True kleptomania is rare. It affects children with organic brain damage. Their theft is reinforced as a conditioned reflex. Educational measures are useless here; the help of a psychiatrist is needed, since kleptomania is a disease.

Under duress

Classmates or older guys may extort money from a child, “put him on the counter” and threaten him with violence. Children are afraid to tell adults about this situation, so they begin to look for money in all available ways: stealing from parents, relatives, acquaintances, teachers.

Also, a child may suffer from drug addiction and steal money to get another “dose.”

In teenage companies, especially criminal ones, there is a kind of initiation ritual. To prove that he belongs to the group, the “newbie” needs to steal something from a store, pull out a wallet on the bus, or bring a large sum of money from his parent’s wallet.

It is important to understand that there cannot be a single reason for child theft. This is always a combination of weak self-control and a feeling of inferiority, or lack of formation of moral principles and problems in parent-child relationships.

Ask a teenager why he decided to steal

Try to figure out what motivation is hidden behind the teenager’s action. Perhaps it is due to some other problems or difficulties. If you know what caused the behavior, it will be easier for you to prevent the unpleasant situation from happening again. Teenagers steal for a variety of reasons. For example, it may be a matter of desire to fit into the team. A child wants a fashionable smartphone or stylish sneakers, and the only way to get them is to steal from a store or take money from someone to make the desired purchase. Fitting in is an important part of growing up, and teenagers often feel pressured to have the same things as everyone else in order to fit in. Another reason that pushes people to steal is the need for attention. Any attention from others, even openly negative, may seem like a better solution than no attention at all. A teenager steals because he knows that you definitely won’t ignore it. He's trying to get you to notice him. It is worth noting another reason such as embarrassment. Condoms, tampons, pregnancy tests, emergency contraception—such items can cause such embarrassment that stealing seems like a better choice for a teen. This is the only way out, because asking someone for money for this is simply unacceptable, as it seems to a teenager. Finally, some teenagers are attracted to the feeling of danger. They enjoy experiencing new emotions and taking part in risky activities, and are interested in the forbidden and wrong out of a sense of contradiction. Stealing, then, could be a way of testing boundaries: how far can you go with impunity? If you ignore your teenager's misbehavior, the problem will only get worse.

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Thefts of children of all ages

Preschool age

The definition of “theft” is not entirely correct for preschool children, because there is no criminal motive in their actions. Kids don't steal, but take someone else's things without asking. They take it because they like it. They take it because they want to have it for themselves. They take it because they don’t yet understand that there is “mine” and there is “someone else’s.”

A child can take someone else’s thing if he wants to punish the offender.
Case study: Vanya brought a toy crane to kindergarten. The children asked Vanya to let him play with him, but Vanya refused, even to his best friend Pasha. When Vanya’s mother came to pick him up in the evening, it turned out that the tap was missing from the cabinet. Everyone rushed to look for the loss, but they never found it. The next day it turned out that Pasha had taken the tap from Vanya’s locker when no one was looking. He wanted to punish Vanya for his greed and at the same time play with such a wonderful toy himself.

School age

At school age, objects of theft include writing materials, stickers, and small toys. Most often, children act spontaneously, without thinking about the consequences of their actions and the feelings of the victim.

Case from practice: The teacher gave a task - to make mushrooms from colored paper and cardboard. Olesya made the most beautiful craft - her mother bought self-adhesive colored film and, together with her daughter, painted each mushroom. After the end of the lesson, the children went to the dining room for lunch, and the mushrooms were left on everyone’s desk. Upon returning, Olesya found someone else’s craft on her desk. After Olesya’s investigation, mushrooms were found on the desk of Alena, a girl from a low-income family who had been seen in similar acts more than once.

⠀ Shoplifting is also popular among schoolchildren. In an effort to prove “coolness” and independence, girls and boys steal chewing gum, chocolates, nail polishes, and Kinder surprises.

Theft at school age is often accompanied by lies. Even if the child was caught at the scene of a crime, he will deny his guilt to the last. With the help of lies, children try to avoid fair punishment for their actions.

The lack of pocket money also pushes children to steal: someone secretly takes money from their parents’ wallet, and someone steals a chocolate bar at the checkout in a store. This action is usually driven by a feeling of personal inferiority (“everyone has it, but I don’t”) and the desire to prove one’s importance through the possession of this or that thing.

Adolescence

During adolescence, self-affirmation and the desire to take a place in the group come to the fore for a teenager. Therefore, thefts committed at this age are associated with the acquisition of a “fashionable” item or with the goal of becoming “one of our own” in the company of peers. Teenagers with an underdeveloped volitional sphere and unformed moral principles are more likely to steal.

Also, the reason for theft can be not only an attempt to assert oneself or weak will, but also theft “for company.”

Case from practice: Dasha grew up as an exemplary, calm girl. She studied well and helped her mother around the house. Everything changed when Dasha turned 15 years old. She began to walk at night with a group of peers, lie, and skip classes. The parents were worried that their girl had changed so much, but hoped that it would soon pass. And then, like a bolt from the blue, a call came: Dasha was taken to the police station on suspicion of complicity in car theft. It turned out that a boy from Dasha’s company stole the keys to his stepfather’s garage in order to go for a ride in the car with everyone else. The teenagers climbed into the garage, rolled out the car, and then police officers arrived. An alarm went off in the garage, which the guys forgot to turn off.

⠀

Are you worried that your child has gotten involved with bad company and is getting involved in dangerous things? Dispel your suspicions or make sure they are true and help your child. Download the Where Are My Children application from the AppStore and GooglePlay stores to use the geolocation function or record sound around the gadget.

Why does a child lie and take someone else's property?

The reasons can be very diverse, and many are associated with improper parental behavior.

You frivolously promised to buy something, but never did it. By appropriating someone else's thing, the child will convince himself that he is not to blame; he was pushed into stealing by his parents, who did not keep their word. What else was left to do?!
If a child grows up in a dysfunctional family, then theft and deception may be a defensive reaction to the negative atmosphere in the home and the indifference of parents. Typically, such children choose a more successful victim among their peers. In this situation, professional help from a psychologist is needed.
Inconsistency and lack of coordination among adult relatives. For example, mom forbids eating ice cream, and grandfather is ready to buy kilos of it, but asks mom not to tell. Dad says that lying and stealing are not good, but in front of the child he lies to the boss that he is sick, and goes fishing, and brings a calculator from work. It turns out that the rules can still be broken?! When committing theft or deception, a child already has an excuse ready: grandfather and father do this too, which means everything is possible. But parental authority accompanies us all our lives!
Often, a child is pushed to lie and steal by total control on the part of adults, then this is a kind of defense, a distorted manifestation of independence. The other side of the coin is the indifference of parents, and in this way children try to attract their attention.
Another common reason is envy. It seems that the child has everything, but he wants to have things that belong to another child. Remember how your neighbor's grass is always greener? And the income of all families is different.

Each situation is unique, and the list of possible reasons can be endless, the more important it is to find out what exactly triggered your child. You can change unwanted behavior only by eradicating its cause.

Parents' mistakes

Parental educational methods and mistakes can push a child into stealing or aggravate an existing tendency to steal:

inconsistency in educational measures, when in one situation a child is punished for an offense, but in another he can avoid punishment;
inconsistent demands of adults (mom prohibits something, but dad, on the contrary, allows it);
permissiveness of the child, lack of instilled moral standards;
total control over the child’s life;
“double” morality in the family, when a son or daughter is allowed to take everything, including money, if mom/dad is in a good mood.

Explain clearly

More complex cases in situations with teenagers. 12-year-old Andrei started smoking. At first he stole cigarettes from his parents. When this was revealed, he promised that it would not happen again. And he really didn’t touch their cigarettes anymore. He stole money for cigarettes from his grandfather. And a lot at once, so that it lasts for a long time! Of course, in this situation there can be no question of addiction to tobacco. The child smoked occasionally to “keep up with the team.” In this situation, the parents chose the absolutely correct tactics. They not only explained to the child that this was not good, although at his age he already understood this perfectly well and committed a crime quite consciously. He worked off the stolen amount in his father’s store for a month and returned the money he earned to his grandfather. Andrey worked for one summer month, every day for several hours with the exception of weekends, and received a clear idea of how much labor the stolen amount was equivalent to. Over the next 3 years, the incident never happened again.

Thus, there is no need to delve into the jungle of beautiful and pompous phrases. Children perceive visual explanations better and faster.

The most difficult situations in our time can be considered to be those involving teenagers over 14 years of age. These are mostly relapses, when a child caught stealing continues to steal. 16-year-old Kirill is addicted to slot machines. Starting with small amounts, he gradually raised the bar, and as a result, he managed to lose the money he had set aside for his trip to the south. This is despite the fact that his mother hid money from him after the first case of theft. Here we cannot say that the child does not understand the value of money. Each time he purposefully searched the apartment and found hiding places. In his defense, he said that he wanted to return everything after a big win. During the observation process, the facts of thefts were repeated many times, and as a result, it was necessary to resort to the help of not a psychologist, but a psychiatrist. The boy's mother, afraid of publicity, tried to hide her problems from everyone. As a result, the situation worsened. Unfortunately, neither the child nor the parents are able to cope with such addiction on their own.

Don't hope that everything will resolve itself. If you encounter such a problem, seek the help of a specialist. Do not aggravate the situation by constantly “debating” what happened. There is no need to scare a child that he will become a thief and go to prison. Thus, you can hammer this idea into him, as a result of which the child will form complexes.

Here's another example from practice. Nikita (13 years old) stole money from the school locker room. I asked to leave class to go to the toilet, ran to the wardrobe and rummaged through my pockets. As it turned out, the boy read the book “Timur and His Team,” which made a very strong impression on him. He decided to help older people in a modern way - with money. Since there was no extra money at home, the child began to steal.

How to properly respond to cases of child theft?

If a child brings home someone else's item or toy

Your reaction will depend on the age of the child. There is no point in explaining to a three-year-old child for half an hour how badly he did and how upset Vasya will be when he doesn’t find his car. Talk to an older child alone, without witnesses. Convey to the child the meaning of his action and the possible consequences.
Find out if the child swapped someone else's toy for his own. This practice is widespread among children.
If a toy was brought from a kindergarten group, it should be returned, and the child can later buy the same or similar one. Perhaps this is his long-time dream, and you did not know about it.
If the brought toy or thing is someone else’s, it must be returned to the owner with an apology. It's better to do it one on one.
If your son or daughter does not feel guilty about what they have done, clearly express your position on theft and say that it is unacceptable in your family. If a child repents of his action, draw his attention to the feelings of the injured party, just as a person worries about a stolen item.

If a child stole money

Try to find out why the child needed the money.
If a child has been extorted by elders, do not scold him. The son or daughter is already intimidated. Ask about the situation in detail. If necessary, involve the police.
If a child tries to “appease” classmates by buying them sweets and toys with stolen money, explain that friendship should not be built only on material gain. Offer your child other ways to get the kids to like you - you can invite them to your home or to nature, on a hike, etc.
It often happens that a child steals money to attract the attention of loved ones. Usually the money is immediately found, the parents arrange many hours of proceedings, the child’s goal is achieved - he received his portion, albeit negative, but still attention. If this is your case, don't waste a lot of time on moralizing. Yes, the child committed an unseemly act, but now it is much more important for you to restore the lost relationship with him. Praise your son or daughter more often, spend time together, take an interest in his life. Then cases of theft in your home will stop.
It is important to think through the punishment for the offense together with your child. If a child stole money from a parent’s wallet or at a party and managed to spend it, it means that he is deprived of purchasing the thing he wanted, which his parents had long promised to buy.

Teenager stealing

Film "Knockdown"

Sometimes children steal. Sometimes because I want to eat, sometimes for other reasons. How might dad react to this?

Examples from life...

The son was again caught lying and stealing, and of quite large sums. It wasn’t me who caught it, considering money is tight at home (it lies on the shelf and lies there, taken as needed, when we run out, we tighten our belts), the teacher at school discovered it. She said, “You trust him too much, you gave him a lot of freedom. And pocket money shouldn’t have been given either - he got a taste of easy money.” In general, I have a specific impasse - I don’t know how to behave with him, what to talk about. It was said more than once that stealing is bad, I was inspired, I promised. That the lie will definitely be revealed - this does not stop him.

Prevention of theft

Film "Korczak"

Theft and reaction to theft.

Here we will formulate the most general things that are worth thinking about if you do not want cases of theft to arise or continue to recur.

Pay attention to how money is kept in the family - it should not be an easily accessible place. Don't provoke your child.
A teenager must understand that there are things that personally belong to each family member. That is, it is necessary to establish the boundaries of property: what you can dispose of at your own discretion (donate, exchange), and what you cannot (including things for common use).
Establish and maintain an agreement to provide regular pocket money.
Try to understand and, if possible, satisfy the reasonable needs of a child or teenager (clothing, equipment, equipment, popular among their peers, etc.). If you can’t make a purchase now, agree on a longer term or something you can do yourself: learn to sew, knit, work somewhere to pay for at least part of the purchase.
Sometimes parents, without realizing it, form in their children inadequate attitudes towards theft. For example: “Here is our neighbor: he stole from production for years - and now lives happily,” “You work honestly, you work hard - but what’s the point?” etc. I would like to believe that this is not about you.

What can and should be done?

If your child is stealing, you should stop it - but only if you are absolutely sure of the facts. Nothing hurts more than an unfair accusation. If you are not sure, remain silent and check again. Start a conversation only when there are no doubts and the evidence is obvious.

If the theft is the first, if theft has not yet become a tradition, do not call him a thief and do not rush to predict his near criminal future. Saying “I’m ashamed of you”, “No parent should blush like that”, “My son couldn’t do that” and the like - it’s possible if it sounds honest from you and you don’t say it like that every day... In any case In case, do not remind your child about what happened if he has committed another offense that is not related to theft.

Theft by a teenager is a very difficult situation, since there can be many reasons, and not all parents can do it. Let's list the main reasons.

Impulsivity, inability to restrain one's desires and impulses - this happens, but not often. In a child no older than six or seven years old, this behavior is understandable - voluntary behavior has not yet been formed, but in a teenager, real impulsiveness is observed much less frequently, and more often against the background of delayed intellectual and mental development. If a teenager really doesn’t know how to control himself, unfortunately, he needs to see a psychiatrist.

Kleptomania. This is the same impulsiveness, but narrowly focused, only in relation to “stealing”. Kleptomania is classified as a mental illness, but in fact there are very few true kleptomania. American experts say that among adults, about 5 percent suffer from kleptomania, and even then half of them simulate this deviation. There are even fewer of them among children.

If it seems to you that the theft was committed impulsively and, most likely, unintentionally, react immediately, definitely negatively, condemning what happened and returning the stolen property. Usually the procedure itself for finding out and returning a kidnapped person is quite difficult for a child, but beating (physical punishment) is usually useless. What is useful is control, teaching discipline and responsibility for one’s actions; it is always worth thinking about the teenager’s environment. The influence of friends is often stronger than the influence of parents, watch this.

The desire to attract the attention of parents. For example, if the family has no time for it, the parents are close to divorce, are constantly busy at work, etc. Usually in such cases, missing money or things are quickly discovered. This is often followed by a loud trial or scandal. That is, the goal of the “thief” has been achieved - a considerable portion of parental attention has been received. Even this reaction suits the child more than a lack of warmth or complete detachment.

What to do in such a situation? Pay less attention to the fact of theft itself (without ignoring it), much more to restoring the lost warm relationship with the child. It is even possible to have a completely unexpected reaction - to praise him for some success or give his son or daughter a gift. It is possible that even if they do not admit to the theft, they will at least experience embarrassment and shame.

A child steals to buy favor with his peers. He hopes with money to either win the attention of other children (if he is not noticed), or to pay off if he is bullied in the children's group.

What to do? Resolve the issue with peers, if you know how to do it. Help the child establish contacts with children, help him find normal friends, peers with similar interests, create conditions for them to communicate at home. If a child is not accepted in the class, or even directly bullied, demanding money from him, try contacting the school psychologist or change schools. Cases of extortion of money or things from a child or teenager by peers or older children cannot be ruled out. Legal measures are needed here. The difficulty is that teenagers are afraid to talk about it, and are ready to tell only if they are sure that you can really help. Can you?

Self-affirmation. It happens that a teenager wants to prove to himself and everyone, especially his peers, that he is a strong personality and he doesn’t care about anyone: “Look how brave, dexterous I am, I don’t care about prohibitions.” For a good psychologist this situation is simple, for an ordinary parent it is difficult. If you don’t know what to do here, look for a good psychologist.

Revenge or protest. If you are a teenager who is fed up with your control and injustice, he may protest and take revenge on you in this way. What to do? Sit down and talk for a long time. Develop a family code that is fair and respect it for everyone.

General bad manners. This includes a lot: indifference and disrespect for parents, lack of respect for people around them and adults in particular. This also includes the parents’ lack of authority. The child steals because he needs the money, but he doesn’t care about the rest or the rest. He doesn't respect people, doesn't like his parents. Unfortunately, this happens. In this case, it makes no sense to solve the specific problem of theft, because the problem is more general. For now, hide the money so that you don’t steal any more, and think.

Question one: maybe change the parenting model? Theft more often begins against the backdrop of the “Narrow corridor, iron gloves”, “Minefield in the fog” and “Clear field, dense forest” models, and the “Spacious house” options, especially “Spacious house with a development line”, practically eliminate theft.

Second question: maybe someone instead of you can influence the child better?

Think about it seriously. If we are talking about a son, the simplest and most affordable solution is to send your son to a cadet school. There he will be raised normally, everything will be done for you. In such cases, people with money send their children to study abroad: the situation there is such that stealing is unrealistic, and the environment is decent. It is clear that this is very expensive. Some parents come to an agreement and send their children to Kitezh for the summer - sometimes it helps. If the teenager has a good head, and the theft is more of a strange accident, you can try to bring the teenager to Sinton. A sudden change of environment and a new environment of bright and intelligent people can sometimes turn the situation around.

If changing your environment does not help, contact the police: write a statement. Important: the appearance of a juvenile affairs inspector in the home must be properly arranged. Let the inspector come himself, without parents, and tell the child that he saw him buying something for himself in the store. The child should not know that the policeman came at the request of the parents, otherwise he will perceive this as a betrayal on the part of the relatives. The educational effect of such a visit, as a rule, turns out to be impressive. The uniform has a strong effect on thieves,

Third is a tip called “General hunger strike” for simple cases. This tip does not always help, but only where the teenager’s parents and relatives are still respected and close people. This happens: yes, he steals, but at the same time he loves his parents, his grandparents and other relatives - he values them. So, for every case of theft, parents and relatives make themselves a day of hunger strike. More precisely, so. It doesn’t matter whether the theft is proven or not (teenagers often go unrecognized), but the parents say: “Son (daughter), our money is missing. We cannot say that you stole it, but you should know that in connection with this, tomorrow we will have a day of hunger strike. Everyone who considers themselves responsible for the fact that money is missing will go hungry. We, as parents, are starving, grandparents join us, they are very upset by what happened, we will inform other relatives about what happened, perhaps they will also join us. Are you with us? Of course, it will be better if the money is found, because for grandparents, starving all day is difficult and dangerous for their health.” It is not obvious that the money will be found immediately, but the next time it will be much more difficult for the teenager to steal money.

The fourth is the most difficult and toughest solution for the most difficult cases: “Isolation”. If a teenager is in a tough and open confrontation with everyone, there is no dad, and he doesn’t put his mother in a penny, especially if he is taking revenge on his mother for something, then essentially the only option is to radically change his place of residence, to go far away, so that the teenager has been severed from all previous ties, and is presented with a choice: either run away from his mother into nowhere (probably into open crime), or establish a relationship with his mother, if you want her to at least feed you.

When thinking about solution options, it is always useful to seek advice from a psychologist. Consultations with a good psychologist also cost a lot of money, especially considering that a one-time consultation is unlikely to help here, a lot needs to be changed in the family itself, but it’s not so much about money, but about worrying about how life will turn out for our children.

In any case, it is worth remembering that in normal families, in the overwhelming majority of cases, teenage theft goes away on its own by the age of 20. This does not mean that nothing needs to be done, but twitching beyond measure is also unnecessary. Think more about how your almost adult child lives, what he strives for, what is important and dear to him. Think about the prospects!

How to stop a child from stealing: advice from a psychologist

In the case of child theft, the main thing for parents is to make the child feel the seriousness of the committed act and convince him that he is still loved and worthy of forgiveness.

Do not leave even a single case of theft unattended. Be sure to discuss his actions with your child and find joint ways to resolve the situation.
Do not give your child a public beating. All conversations are only in private.
If the child is not caught red-handed, do not rush to accuse him of theft, remember the presumption of innocence.
Refrain from accusations like “you are a thief”, “you will go to jail”, “you will become a criminal”. By following the path of condemnation, parents risk securing the child’s reputation as a thief and fraudster. When a child finds himself in such a situation for the first time, he may become embittered, and his thefts will already begin to be criminal in nature. When talking with preschoolers, it is better not to use the words “theft,” “stolen,” or “theft.” Replace with softer expressions: “take someone else’s”, “take something without asking.”
Try to find out the reason why the child began to steal other people's things or money (feeling of dissatisfaction, attracting attention, extortion, etc.). Then it will be easier for you to find a way to combat this problem.
If the child begins to lie and deny what he has done, do not insist. Give him time to think about the situation.
If you have tried all the ways to deal with child theft and lies, but nothing helps, seek help from a psychologist.

What to do

The cornerstone is the age of the offender. The difference in methods for a child, a preschooler and a teenager is obvious. At the same time, reprimands, punishments, jokes, and educational conversations are appropriate. It is important to choose the right tone and setting for the dialogue.

We recommend that you listen to the opinion of practicing child psychologist Irina Vladik:

Children under 3 years old: yours, mine, someone else's

With children, most problems in the formation of character and behavior are solved through fairy tales and games. Parents need to spend personal time with the baby: audio books or radio plays cannot be used. You need to read the fairy tale with expression, give comments, ask the child questions and ask him to draw conclusions.

The procedure is approximately this:

When you discover something missing, be surprised and sympathize with the “victim of the crime.” It is an important element for developing empathy, emotional intelligence and the ability to express emotions.
Ask your child if he knows anything about the story.
Having received an honest answer, sympathize with your thief and say something like: “You yourself are probably not very happy that you took someone else’s, it’s not good, and you know this rule.” If the answer was with a sly one, continue the conversation with the phrase: “You know, I’m embarrassed, but from that tree over there the squirrel saw you put someone else’s toy in your backpack and take it away from the playground.” The surprised kid will probably tell everything honestly.
End the situation by returning the stolen item and apologizing. And don’t remember this again, especially don’t tell strangers in the presence of the child about his offense.

Preschoolers 3–6 years old: law above desires

The natural selfishness inherent in growing children under 5 years old forces them to take someone else’s “because I like it.” Volitional processes are one of the current mental neoplasms during this period. You can and should talk to your child about the rules and teach them to obey them. The best way to deeply embed information about prohibitions and moral standards is to instruct a preschooler to pass on knowledge to less enlightened peers or younger children.

Preschoolers love to play teachers and educators. Adults can only direct the game in the right direction: ask the culprit to tell his friends about the magic words and rules for using other people's things.

Junior schoolchildren: hostel rules

Overwhelmed by many fears and subject to a host of school and home rules, elementary school students begin to worry about their reputation: what their classmates will think, what they will say, what unpleasant nickname they will come up with if someone accidentally sees a child taking someone else’s property without permission.

The class teacher plays a big role. His authority sometimes significantly exceeds the authority of his parents. Through a teacher, a child can be effectively influenced. Another assistant is an elementary school psychologist.

Teenagers: criminal responsibility and position in the group

Adolescence is characterized by the desire to obey and meet the requirements of the group in which the child primarily communicates. That is why teenage groups are built on the principle of a closed club with strict requirements and conflict so violently with each other. But the legislation provides for quite severe consequences for disobedient children and their parents.

How to deal with teenagers. Career guidance for schoolchildren is the task of teachers. If during a class hour a lawyer (preferably an operative) explains the difference between theft and kidnapping and shows the essence of criminal punishment, he will not only tell the class about an interesting profession, but will also carry out preventive work. It turns out that “picking mobile phones” is not so safe... Find a training book “How to teach children to cooperate.”

If teenage theft is not provoked by demonstrative behavior or illegal actions against a child, then the best motive will be authority in the peer group.

We must try to place the teenager in a social community in which thievery and cunning are not welcomed. Such a group could be a sports section, a children's scientific community, a dance studio, or a creative team.

Guilty or proud?

Feelings of guilt are a normal result of a theft that has been discovered. If a child is proud of his action, then he is either too young, or deeply neglected pedagogically, or socially and psychologically unhealthy, or feels adopted. In the first case, resolve the situation peacefully and forget about it forever. In the other two, contact a specialist.

Prevention of child theft

As you know, any problem is easier to prevent than to fix, so it is important for parents to follow the following recommendations:

Take an interest in the child’s life, his worries, joys and sorrows. Try to share his interests or find a joint activity for all family members (sports, walks, hikes).
It is important to build trusting relationships in the family, where everyone has the right to their opinion and is equally worthy of respect.
Less moralizing, more confidential conversations.
Sooner or later, the child himself will have to deal with cases of theft, since this is an ordinary phenomenon of our life. Be prepared to explain that you need to protect your property and be vigilant, especially when communicating with strangers.
Do not tempt either your child or your guests: keep money and valuables in secluded places, do not scatter them around the house.
The child must know where his things are, which he can dispose of at his own discretion, and where his parents’ things are, which can only be taken with their permission.
Give your child pocket money and teach him how to manage it wisely.
Monitor family conversations. You can unwittingly transmit to your child the idea that in the modern world an honest person cannot achieve anything through his labor, and he can only get what he wants through theft and fraud.
Try to satisfy the reasonable needs of children in clothing, technology, and equipment. Agree that he himself can earn extra money for the thing he needs during the holidays or by helping you.

Don't judge your child harshly. Anyone can stumble and be wrong. Whatever misfortune happens to a child, the main thing is not to turn away from him, give him a chance to improve.

Find extra activities for your child

Encourage self-development by allowing your teen to use his energy to hone his skills and abilities in productive ways, such as by playing a sport or participating in a hobby group. This will help the child establish communication with peers who have interests other than material values and the latest fashion trends.

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