Rules of effective communication - what they are for, how to follow them

Psychology of communication with people

The ability to communicate competently and competently build various types of contacts between individuals in the modern world is simply necessary.
Every day people interact with each other. In the processes of interpersonal interactions, some individuals influence others and vice versa. From the perspective of psychological science, communication with other people will be successful and effective only if interests coincide. For comfortable interaction it is necessary that the interests of both parties coincide. Even a completely uncommunicative person, if you touch on a topic that interests him, will start talking.

For an effective and comfortable conversation, you need to learn to understand your communication partner and anticipate his possible reactions to specific statements. To this end, below are several simple techniques for successful communication between people.

There is a well-known technique called the Franklin effect, named after the famous American political leader who had considerable talents and was an extraordinary personality. In order to gain the trust of an individual with whom he could not find a common language and who did not treat him very well, Franklin borrowed a book from this man. After this incident, their relationship began to be friendly. The meaning of this behavior is as follows: the individual believes that since he was asked for something, then next time the person he helped will, if necessary, respond to his request. In other words, the individual who asked for the service becomes beneficial for the person who provided the service.

The next technique is called “the door directly to the forehead.” If something is required from the interlocutor, then you should ask him for more of what is needed. If you receive a refusal, then at the next meeting you can safely ask for it again. After all, the person who ignored your request will feel remorse and next time is unlikely to refuse when he hears a more reasonable offer.

The automatic repetition of the interlocutor’s movements and body position significantly increases communicative interaction. This is due to the fact that it is natural for a person to sympathize with people who are at least a little like him.

To create a friendly atmosphere during a conversation, you should definitely call your interlocutor by name. And in order for the communication partner to feel sympathy for the interlocutor, you need to call him your friend during the conversation.

Effective communication with different people does not imply pointing out to an individual his personality defects. Otherwise, you can only turn a person from a like-minded person into an ill-wisher. Even if you absolutely disagree with his point of view, you still need to try to find common ground and, with the next remark, begin the sentence with an expression of agreement.

Almost all individuals want to be listened to and heard, as a result of which, you need to win them over during a conversation, using reflective listening for this purpose. That is, it is necessary to periodically paraphrase the interlocutor’s messages during the communication process. This will help you build friendly relationships. It would be more effective to transform the heard remark into an interrogative sentence.

What does communicating with people give?

We need people skills every day. Some believe that effective communication is something from the arsenal of business psychology, and that people who do not need to conduct business negotiations do not need to learn to communicate. And this is a big mistake that can be costly.

Communication with people is an important part of our life. Thanks to the ability to clearly express ourselves and listen, we can not only achieve career success, but also make friends, improve relationships with family and friends. Psychologists know that most conflicts in couples and even divorces are caused not by insurmountable contradictions, but by a simple inability to negotiate. And how many people suffer from loneliness just because they are embarrassed to talk to a nice stranger! In short, everyone needs the ability to communicate. This is the key to success in all areas of life. Abraham Lincoln, John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill and Jacques Chirac would hardly have reached the heights of political Olympus if they had not been such brilliant orators. Steve Jobs is known no less for his speeches than for his innovative computer developments. The legendary beauties of past centuries in ceremonial portraits are not at all striking in their appearance - however, contemporaries in their memoirs praise them not so much for their beauty as for their ability to conduct a conversation.

Should about and “talk” are not the same thing. Communication is a complex process that consists of both verbal communication (what we say) and nonverbal communication (how we do it). And the second type of communication is much more important - the greatest influence on the interlocutor is not the meaning of our words, but the sound and timbre of the voice, posture and gestures. And, finally, the most important thing is those of our thoughts and feelings that are in our subconscious. This is fear of rejection, refusal, anger at offenders, etc. They influence the reaction of our interlocutors and determine our level of communication ability.

Why are we afraid to be heard?

What prevents us from speaking? Shyness, fear of saying something stupid or being misunderstood, fear of expressing one's opinion, low self-esteem and even problems with diction - psychology is the basis of all these problems. Often their roots go back to the distant past - to childhood or adolescence. As adults, we forget those unpleasant moments that planted the seed of insecurity in us, but they continue to influence our behavior. An irritated “Don’t talk nonsense!” from parents, painful presentations at the blackboard in class, ridicule from peers - all this in adult life results in serious communication difficulties.

To identify and eliminate the cause of communication difficulties, it is necessary to work with a psychologist. But the first and most important step is recognizing that a problem exists and the desire to solve it.

Helpful advice

If you are afraid to talk to people, start with telephone conversations. For example, instead of going to the website of a beauty salon and finding out everything about prices or services, call there and find out everything by asking questions to the administrator. Make a list of questions, don’t hesitate to ask for details and clarify.

Psychology of communication with people

The psychology of communicating with people is based on several rules that were most clearly and clearly formulated by the famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie. He published his most famous books in the 1930s and 40s, but since then nothing has changed in human behavior and these rules are still relevant.

Rule #1: Be genuinely interested in others.

We all consider ourselves unique and want to be interesting to others. Remember your experience of communication - we are always more willing to talk not with those who say smart things, but with those who make us understand that we ourselves are interesting.

Rule #2: Smile.

Psychological research has shown that people who smile are generally more attractive to us. We tend to attribute to them the best human qualities. A smile shows the interlocutor that communicating with him is joy and pleasure.

Rule No. 3. Remember that your own name is the most pleasant word for any person.

By calling a person by name, we give him the simplest and most natural compliment. For us, a name expresses individuality. This is why many people get so annoyed when someone distorts their name or uses a form they don’t like - for example, “Manya” instead of “Maria”. By using a person’s name in a conversation, you seem to be telling him: “You are an amazing person and a bright personality.”

Rule No. 4. Know how to listen.

It’s sad, but few people know how to really listen to their interlocutor - most often, especially in the heat of an argument, we simply wait for our turn to speak, without delving into what they are trying to convey to us. But demonstrating attention is a powerful tool of influence. Listen to the person, ask him additional questions and do not hide your emotions if you hear something new or surprising. And if you remember statements that the interlocutor himself thought were successful, and casually introduce them in the next conversation, he will simply be conquered.

Rule No. 5. Talk about what interests your interlocutor.

Everyone has their own strong point. If you find the topic that worries your interlocutor, you will win him over. This applies to both business communication and ordinary friendly conversations. Even if the topic doesn’t seem particularly important to you, don’t close yourself down - try to listen and find out something valuable for yourself. It’s not for nothing that the Chinese sages said that you can learn from the first person you meet.

Rule No. 6: Sincerely demonstrate to your interlocutor his importance.

The key word here is “sincerely.” This is perhaps the most difficult part of communication psychology. People sense falsehood, and even those who love flattery in all forms will sense something is wrong if your enthusiasm is feigned. Look for what you truly find admirable in everyone, and honestly praise those character traits.

The Art of Effective Communication

Communication with people is an art. To master it, you need to know many subtleties and have special skills, many of which may seem unrelated to communication. However, it is their presence that makes people brilliant speakers and interesting interlocutors. What will help us “pump up” our communication skills?

Observation

Sherlock Holmes only needed one glance at a person to find out all the ins and outs about him. It's not just detectives who need observation skills. By noting the behavior, appearance, and facial expressions of the interlocutor, we can draw conclusions about what kind of person he is and in what style it is best to communicate with him. In addition, observation is closely related to memory, another important quality of a good conversationalist.

Memory

The more information about a person we remember, the more successful our communication with him will be. If you remember everything the other person told you, you can demonstrate your interest in him. He will be truly flattered.

Broad outlook

“Oh, I don’t understand anything about this!” After such words, few people will want to continue their exciting story about football, healthy eating or the latest international news. You don't need to be a generalist to have an understanding of the most diverse aspects of life. Interesting interlocutors do not isolate themselves in their own little world - they are interested in what is happening around them and can carry on a conversation on any topic.

Sensitivity

The ability to read the emotions of an interlocutor can be called sensitivity, although in fact this is one of the consequences of observation. Psychologist Paul Ekman, who advised investigators from the CIA and FBI, reached unprecedented heights in this skill. He revealed how the slightest contractions of the facial muscles can reveal our true feelings and thoughts. His books gained such popularity that, based on these purely scientific works, a popular series was filmed about an independent expert who can accurately detect lies. Anyone can master this art - for everyday life it is enough to learn to see basic emotions and know the basics of body language.

Constant training of communication skills

Researchers from Oxford found that on average, each person regularly communicates with 20 people - these are friends and acquaintances, family members, colleagues and neighbors. The scientists didn’t stop there - they scanned the brains of volunteers and found that those whose social circles were wider than average showed increased neuronal activity in the area of ​​the brain responsible for communication functions, as well as better communication between different parts of the brain. This is not an innate quality, but the result of regular training of communication skills. The larger the number of people we talk to, the easier it is for us to find a common language with them. Look for opportunities to chat with strangers, with people from different social groups, with people whose interests differ markedly from yours. Talking to strangers will make you a more flexible conversationalist.

Body language is the key to success

What you say is important, but even more important is how you say it. Imagine a speaker who is hunched over, muttering under his breath - how many will listen to his words? Sometimes nonverbal signals are much more meaningful than words. When assessing an interlocutor, we not only listen to what he is talking about - we subconsciously pay attention to his posture, timbre of voice and speed of speech. Basic non-verbal signs are universal; they are perceived equally all over the world. How to behave so that people listen to you?

Sight

“Heavy gaze”, “Looks askance” or “Eyes are burning”, “Looks affectionately” - even in colloquial speech, people who have no idea about psychology note the power of the gaze. With the help of special psychological training, you can learn to look at your interlocutor correctly - openly, but not oppressively, without looking away and constantly letting the person know that you are interested in him. Psychologists distinguish different types of gaze for different situations - business, social and intimate gaze.

Facial expressions

A person is able to subconsciously recognize and interpret the most subtle movements of the facial muscles. Facial expressions are an important source of knowledge about the interlocutor. Knowing the facial expressions of emotions, we not only understand the mood of others, but we ourselves can send them the necessary signals.

Gestures

We tend to listen to those people who stand in front of us in an open position - that is, they are not fenced off by anything. A purse pressed to your chest, arms crossed or hidden in pockets, a leg-over-leg posture, clenched fists - all this speaks of the interlocutor’s desire to build an obstacle between you and to isolate yourself. Conversely, an open posture, smooth and leisurely gestures and open palms signal to others: “I am calm, friendly and open to dialogue.” Communication aces often use the mirroring method, repeating the pose and gestures of the interlocutor with a slight delay - this subconsciously encourages people to open up. However, such techniques need to be learned.

Exercises to develop communication skills

To overcome shyness and learn to communicate with people, you need the help of a specialist. But there are also simple exercises that will help you develop communication skills. You shouldn’t expect miracles from them, but their implementation will prepare the ground for more serious work on yourself.

Conversation with a chair

Speak out loud every day - not with people, but with objects. By the way, talking with a chair or geranium is much more difficult than with a real interlocutor. That is why this training is so effective. Try talking for a few minutes on a specific topic - to start, just tell them how things are going for you. You can mentally make a conversation plan and stick to it. This will help you learn to express your thoughts coherently.

10 strangers

Set a goal for yourself to start casual conversations with strangers every day. Ask the saleswoman's opinion about types of bread, find out from the first person you meet how to get to the clinic, chat about the weather with the concierge at the entrance, ask your neighbor for some salt. This will eliminate the fear of being the first to speak.

I remember evrything

Develop your memory - try to remember what the people around you are wearing, what they are holding in their hands, what color their eyes are, what they told you. In the evening, see how many you can remember in detail.

I praise you!

Try complimenting everyone you talk to during the day. It doesn’t matter what you praise – your appearance (“What an elegant coat!”), personal qualities (“You’re always fun to be with”) or skills (“How deftly you handle the coffee machine!”). The main thing is that the compliments are sincere.

Effective communication skills and effective communication are the basis for success in many aspects of our lives. After all, many areas of activity require us to be able to properly present ourselves, communicate correctly with people and make new acquaintances. Generally, people with good communication skills have excellent relationships with friends and family.

Therefore, effective communication is one of the key aspects that every individual needs to develop and improve. However, many people find it difficult to know where to start. In this article, we will list the most common problem areas in this area. We will also give some tips to solve these problems.

What are communication techniques?

Communication technique is what a person resorts to in order to prepare for communication and model his behavior during communication.

In the modern world, communication is of a business or formal nature, so in our world many people feel lonely and undervalued. In this regard, effective communication is important for all people living in a certain society.

Functions of effective communication:

• promotes mutual understanding between people;
• directs the flow of transmitted information in the right direction;
• helps break down barriers between people to enable open discussion.

The use of various communication techniques can increase its success, as well as ensure a positive result of communication. As a rule, communication techniques are understood as a set of actions and techniques that lead to the satisfaction of socially valuable needs. Such needs include the desire for leadership, the need for knowledge, etc.

Communication techniques, their characteristics and purpose

At the heart of any business interaction is communication. Unlike personal communication, business communication is not an end in itself and, in addition to obtaining satisfaction from it itself, acts as one of the means of joint activity of people, its instrument. Effective use of business communication mechanisms (techniques) can significantly improve the quality of interaction and achieve business success. But like any tool, communication can be used for different purposes.

Types of communications

Based on the type of communication, there are three groups: friendly, business and intimate. During communication, people exchange both data and information, as well as what they feel now, emotions, experiences. There are several ways that will be useful for a person to learn the science of communication and better understand the interlocutor, feel his emotional state and adapt to the tone of communication.

These are techniques such as:

1. Observation
2. Improving communication skills
3. Expanding your horizons
4. The ability to restrain your personal emotions and recognize your opponent’s mood
5. Know and follow the principles of etiquette and norms accepted in society.

Observation. If you carefully monitor a person during communication, noticing his gestures, facial expressions, the tone with which he pronounces words, pay attention to his manner of dressing, then you can try to determine what the person does, what social group he belongs to, which in turn will help choose the tone of communication and speed up finding a “common language”.

Improving communication skills. At moments when it is necessary to talk to strangers, ask for directions, find out a route, or carry on a conversation with a fellow traveler, a person cannot arbitrarily feel the mood of the interlocutor and involuntarily adapt. By having conversations with friends and strangers, you can not only develop communication skills, but also overcome your fears.

Expanding your horizons. A person who knows the latest news, a lot of necessary and practical ideas, and knows how to present them correctly, will definitely always have interlocutors.

The ability to restrain your own emotions and recognize the mood of your interlocutor. During communication, the interlocutor conveys data not only with words, but also with gestures and facial expressions. If you learn to see and feel the mood of your interlocutor, it will be easier to find contact with him.

Know and follow generally accepted norms and rules of etiquette. To make communication easy and relaxed, you need to follow the norms and rules accepted in society, indicated by etiquette, and the rules of business communication.

Showing real interest in the interlocutor, a friendly smile, the ability to listen without interrupting, maintaining a conversation - these are the fundamental factors in the psychology of communication.

Features of secular communication

The peculiarity of secular communication is its pointlessness, a conversation, but essentially about nothing. They don’t say what they think; they don’t express their basic thoughts and desires. Even if an attempt is made to express and talk about the essence of the matter, such a debater will not be understood and may be asked to leave society. This type of communication is used at receptions, presentations, on vacation, and during superficial acquaintances.

In secular circles there are certain unspoken rules that are followed:

• polite tone, tact when asking and answering questions;
• approval, consent;
• sympathy, smile, greeting each other.

Thus, we can talk about the variety of types of interpersonal communication in psychology, the purpose of which is to make communication effective in a given situation.

Psychological tricks in communicating with people

Dad's wisdom

Do you want someone to take you seriously when you give them advice? Tell him that your father gave you this advice.

People tend to place more importance on parental guidance.

Conditioning the conversation

During conversations, when a person says a certain word, perform some action. This could be a nod, a smile, or another positive gesture.

Very soon the person will begin to say this word more often, expecting positive reinforcement. This trick will help you get what you want in many situations.

The effectiveness of this trick usually depends on how interested the other person is in you.

Rock Paper Scissors

Before you begin, ask your interlocutor a question and immediately move on to the game “Rock, Paper, Scissors.”

The person will use scissors in most cases, allowing you to win. This trick is especially useful when you need to decide what you want.

Love and logic

If you want to teach your child to eat vegetables, give him a choice of two out of five things.

This will help him feel like he is making a choice and is in control of how much he eats. This trick can be used in many other situations.

Rules of effective communication - how to learn them

Methods can be both verbal and non-verbal. You need to be able to understand not only the words, but also the gestures of your interlocutor in order to create an atmosphere of goodwill and mutual empathy. This will have to be learned. Following the basic rules of effective communication does not require much mental effort.

There are only 10 recommendations:

1. Correct gestures. Nonverbal cues can ruin a conversation. Example: when a person tells his interlocutor that he is listening to him, but does not take his eyes off his smartphone. This can negatively affect the entire conversation. It is important to monitor not only yourself, but also constantly monitor the behavior of your interlocutor so that he can understand what is said.
2. Speech purification. You need to speak correctly. Make timely pauses, avoid using too many interjections and eliminate filler words.
3. Ready-made scripts. By preparing a conversation layout on topics such as family, health, recreation, you can learn to communicate better with unfamiliar people.
4. Repeating last words or questions. To show your interest in a conversation when fatigue makes itself felt, you can simply repeat the last phrase of your interlocutor or ask him a question. This method is quite useful.
5. Listening skills. It is important to speak not only yourself, but also to allow your interlocutor to do so. A good listener is a rare beast. Therefore, this approach gives the conversation some basis from which to move forward.
6. Matching your speaking style to your audience. You need to speak in a clear language, adapting to potential listeners.
7. Remove distractions. You don't have to stop talking to look at your phone screen. Anything that can distract from the conversation must be removed or put aside.
8. Tell stories. Sometimes it makes sense to tell your interlocutor a story from your life yourself, or ask him to do the same. If you lead stories to the desired ending, you can convince a person.
9. Exercise constantly. It is worth practicing with friends or relatives so that they can help develop a structure for effective communication.
10. Working on emotions. Emotions can lead to labeling. Meditation practices will help you take control of your mind.

This way you can learn the basics of effective communication.

What to do if you're embarrassed

Not everyone knows how to learn to talk to people confidently and clearly. In the psychology of communicating with people, there is the concept of “stiffness” - physical and mental tension during a conversation due to an unreasonable fear of seeming funny, ridiculous or awkward. Statistics say that 70% of the world's population is affected by this syndrome. In developed countries, shyness is more common and more pronounced than in developing countries. It often accompanies bipolar disorder, but is also typical for completely healthy people.

There are several methods to overcome excessive shyness:

• Unconditionally accept your own temperament and tolerate your shortcomings;
• See in every person not an enemy, but a friend, learn to trust, respect and be friends;
• Sincerely reach out to others;
• Find some interesting talent and try to demonstrate it in public more often (for example, singing, dancing or telling jokes). This will help introverted boys and girls overcome shyness and at the same time increase self-esteem;
• Communicate with real people more than on the Internet;
• Believe in your own success and love yourself.

Psychologists say that shyness is often caused by comparing oneself with others. In this case, you should explore your talents more often, then there will simply be no reason to be shy. If you still fail to overcome shyness, an introvert should not lose heart. In society, shyness is generally considered a sign of modesty, and a modest person is always treated well, even if he does not know how to speak competently and beautifully.

To stop being shy and become successful, you can artificially create situations that require the ability to behave boldly. Such short practical lessons are a good way to overcome shyness. For example, you can voluntarily take on the role of toastmaster at a New Year's party or give a beautiful impromptu speech at the birthday of a leader who is celebrating an anniversary. This will help you master the art of communication and forget about excessive modesty.

Discussing your favorite topic will help you cope with shyness

Attention! In order to relax during a conversation, a shy person can offer the interlocutor a topic for discussion in which he is well versed. Talking about your favorite activity will help you overcome shyness, feel important, and gain the necessary confidence.

Rules for effective communication with people

Why do people communicate so much with each other, but still do not enjoy this process? Why, after living together for many years, do spouses still manage to argue and blame each other, rather than find a compromise? Why do people increasingly come to the unambiguous incorrect conclusion that their interlocutors were strange after communicating with them? All these and other problems that arise as a result of a dialogue between two or more people appear only because they make mistakes when conducting this process. Unfortunately, not all people adhere to the culture of speech, and also do not know how to communicate with others in such a way as to really resolve any issues, enjoy the conversation and leave the conversation satisfied.

What mistakes do people make in communication?

• They do not communicate on a topic that is interesting to all participants.

Very often you can observe how, out of an entire group of people, only two people communicate on a certain topic, while everyone else sits and listens silently. This is often a sign that silent participants are not interested in discussing the topic. This means that while someone is talking, everyone else is bored. This happens in any other situations: if someone starts talking on a topic that is interesting only to him and which only he understands, then all other participants experience boredom and less desire to communicate with such an interlocutor.

• They speak different vocabulary.

Do you think two interlocutors will find a common language, one of whom speaks culturally, and the other uses obscenities? Most likely, they won’t find it, even if they talk about the same topic that interests them. For effective and pleasant communication, interlocutors should use the most similar vocabulary so that both participants can communicate clearly and interestingly. But people often strive not to communicate, but to show their individuality, which is why communication turns into a competition “Who speaks better?” This only causes disgust and reluctance among the interlocutors to communicate more.

• They don’t answer questions or leave the topic unfinished.

If people do not answer the questions they are asked, or leave the topic unfinished, like “we’ll talk later” or “let’s talk about something else,” this becomes the first signal to the interlocutor that they are not being listened to, do not want to be open or decide some questions. What thoughts do you think a person will come to when he feels that his interlocutor is hiding something and does not want to resolve the issue? Most likely, a person will further distance himself from someone who is not completely open with him and is constantly trying to avoid the topic. This only causes negative feelings, so it is not surprising if such interlocutors soon stop communicating altogether.

• They try not to resolve issues, but find out who is to blame and get personal.

When people only accuse each other or insult each other, getting personal, in psychology this is called “unconstructive communication.” In other words, people do not resolve the issue that has arisen between them, do not seek a compromise and do not have a conversation that would help them reach some final result and close the dispute. They begin to shift responsibility from each other, and also resort to manipulation so that the interlocutor does as the other wishes, and vice versa.

As you can see, each of the mistakes has one unpleasant consequence - each of the participants in the process gets a negative experience of communicating with other people, without receiving the pleasure that a calm and interesting conversation brings. Only by eliminating these mistakes can you get to know other people better and properly build communication in any area of ​​life. Try it - and you will see how other people will immediately be drawn to you, because it is interesting, easy and useful to communicate with you.

What prevents effective communication?

Anything that prevents us from understanding our interlocutor or conveying our thoughts is called a barrier in the field of communications.

There are several dozen of them, but we will highlight the main ones. Some depend entirely on you, others only partially. If you manage to avoid them, the effectiveness of communication will increase:

• Stress and uncontrolled emotions: When you are stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, you are likely to misread other people, send confusing or dismissive nonverbal signals, and engage in inappropriate behavior.
• Lack of Focus: You cannot communicate effectively if you are multitasking. If you're checking your phone, planning what you're going to say next, or daydreaming, you'll almost certainly miss the nonverbal cues in your conversation, or even most of what's being said. Avoid distractions; focus.
• Inappropriate body language: Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict what is being said. If you say one thing and your body language says another, the listener is likely to sense hypocrisy.
• Negative body language: If you disagree with what is being said, you will often use negative body language to respond to the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your fingers. Avoid negative signals and remember: you don't have to agree and you don't have to be insincere.
• Inappropriate physical environment: Noisy cafes or bars are extremely disruptive to understanding. If you want to have a useful dialogue, choose quieter places.
• Antipathy to other people's thoughts: We humans are often prejudiced. It is worth understanding this in order to analyze how and why the words of the interlocutor influence our thoughts and emotions in a certain way.

As we see, we can remove many of these barriers. The problem is that this requires a conscious desire and long-term work on oneself. But if you want to succeed in life, you cannot do without developing the ability to communicate effectively.

How to Effectively Communicate with People You Can't Shut Up

If your interlocutor talks incessantly, then it becomes completely unclear how you can effectively communicate with such a person. There is a serious desire to use rope and tape...

This situation especially often arises when a person tells you something not for the first time. And at a certain point it becomes simply unbearable to listen to. Well, once I listened, well, twice in the end it all went well. But why the hell is he telling me this for the 10th time!?!

Has this happened to you?

And it happens that you tell another person something, but it’s not clear whether he listened to you or not - he doesn’t say anything in response. In situations like this, when you wanted to tell someone else something, but he simply didn’t let you know that he heard you. In such situations, you want to say it again, and again, and again, and again, and again...

In the end, a person can simply go crazy because you’ve been telling him the same thing 100 times already. To prevent this from happening, he would simply say: “Dude, I heard you.” And sometimes it is enough to say: “I see.”

And the person magically realizes that he was heard. And he won't bother you with it anymore.

Sometimes it is difficult for the speaker to understand that he has conveyed his thought to you, and he needs to repeat it much more powerfully: louder, brighter, longer - to explain that he conveyed it to you. You may even have to use some interesting words from the local dialect.

It is important to confirm to the person that his message, his thought, was conveyed to you. He understands that he was heard. He really was heard and he no longer wants to repeat it to you. That's it, the message has arrived. It is done. And it doesn't bother him anymore.

This concerns such an important thing as confirmation.

Rules for effective communication. Advice

Each of us sooner or later finds ourselves in a situation where it seems that our interlocutors speak different languages ​​and therefore cannot come to an agreement, although in fact there is no real language barrier. To prevent this from happening, you need to know the rules of effective communication .

When communicating, each person pursues some goal, even if he himself does not realize it (pleasure from the communication process can also be a goal).

But the ultimate goal is always the transfer of information

, and the effectiveness of communication is determined precisely by whether the information was transmitted to the interlocutor and perceived by him in full and without distortion.

There are certain rules for effective communication that will help make the communication process productive and enjoyable for the interlocutors.

Globally, they all come down to one thing: it is important to remember that in the process of communication you need to concentrate not on yourself, but on your interlocutor

.

Naturally, for this rule to work, it is necessary that all participants in communication follow it, and not just one.

Many people associate communication primarily with speaking. However, for communication to be effective, it is no less (perhaps even more) important to listen and hear the interlocutor

. So let's start with the rules of listening.

Give the other person the opportunity to speak

, do not interrupt him and do not try to finish his sentences yourself, especially if you are not sure that you and him, as they say, are “on the same wavelength.” If you ask a question, be sure to listen to the answer.

Learn and use active listening techniques

. In short, active listening can be described as listening with the whole body.

A person who is truly interested in the words of the interlocutor turns his whole body (or at least his face) towards him and maintains eye contact.

If the interlocutor speaks for a long time, do not forget to let him know from time to time through gestures, facial expressions and words that you are still listening to him.

Active listening techniques also include “mirroring”: repeating the interlocutor’s posture, gestures, and some phrases

. On a subconscious level, people like it when their interlocutor imitates them. But this technique must be used very, very carefully: if the interlocutor notices that you are openly “being a monkey,” he may perceive this as an attempt at manipulation, or even as mockery.

When the interlocutor has finished speaking, it doesn’t hurt to briefly summarize what you heard

to make sure you understand it correctly. In general, it is advisable to control the correctness of the transfer of information at each stage of communication, so that at the end of the conversation it does not turn out that you misunderstood each other at the very beginning, and because of this everything went down the drain.

Of course, in order for communication to be effective, it is important not only to listen correctly to the interlocutor, but also to correctly convey your thoughts to him. Try to follow the rule “Brevity is the sister of talent”

.

This does not mean that you should get away with monosyllable phrases. Just speak to the point, trying to avoid complex constructions and not letting the main idea get lost in secondary ones.

You should also avoid filler words.

Speak calmly and do not raise your voice

, even if you are overwhelmed by emotions. Some people, carried away by the conversation, begin to speak in a raised voice.

There is a risk that the interlocutor will take the raising of his voice personally, although in fact it is simply a manifestation of emotionality, not directed at anyone in particular.

Therefore, try to be calmer and keep your emotions under control.

But the most important key to effective communication is respect for the interlocutor

. As long as you perceive him as your antagonist, you will never achieve the goal of communication. Even if you disagree on something, it is important to try to understand his point of view and express yours as correctly as possible. In the vast majority of cases, only conflict-free communication can ultimately prove effective.

Source: https://anydaylife.com/post/677

How to become an interesting conversationalist?

To become an interesting conversationalist, you need to become interesting yourself, as I wrote about above. But there are still some rules that will have a good effect on the course of communication in any situation. I will also describe below what destroys any communication at the root and from interlocutors you will turn into arguers and enemies by blood.

Be polite

"The city's politeness takes over." When you communicate with a person politely, your interlocutor understands that you are interested in him. And this is very captivating and inspires trust and sympathy in you.

How to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl

1. Women are more prone to eye contact.
2. After a man has interrupted his interlocutor 133 times, she has to spend a third of your total communication time trying to restore the line of conversation.
3. Women pay more attention to the communication process itself.
4. Women prefer to have a conversation while being on the side.
5. For the fair half of humanity, close proximity to the interlocutor is comfortable.
6. The girl will appreciate active listening, since the attention of her partner and the understanding that she is really being listened to are important to her.
7. The partner will highly appreciate the man’s originality in conversation and self-confidence (even if you are wrong, blurt it out confidently!).
8. Showing care is important to her, so it is important to listen and offer options for solving the problem (but they are not always necessary; in some situations, it is important for women to simply talk it out).
9. What you definitely shouldn’t do is teach a girl about life, criticize her appearance (even if she really wore a bad dress today), joke or make fun of her.

When communicating with girls, you need to take into account many nuances, because they have the ability to hear what is not said out loud. To better understand all the intricacies of constructive dialogue with the fair half of humanity, spend a little time in the “Psychology of Relationships” section

Manipulations in communication. Their neutralization

The use of communication methods (techniques), the true purpose of which does not coincide with that declared to the communication partner and causes obvious or hidden damage to him, is called manipulation.

Manipulation as a way to exert a hidden psychological influence on an interlocutor in order to achieve beneficial behavior is constantly used in business. Various tricks and tricks (techniques) allow you to conclude more profitable contracts and push your partner or client to the right decision.

Address the person you are talking to by name

Quite an effective psychological trick that can be used in communication with any people. There is hardly a person who does not like hearing his name. It’s not for nothing that they say that it is the most pleasant word for our ears. Calling by name will instill trust in your interlocutor and help establish friendly relationships. That is why mention your first name or a combination of first and middle names more often.

However, remember to do this naturally. Don't go overboard by inserting the name every other sentence.

Possibility of choice

A great trick in communicating with people is to give them the right to choose. You've probably been in situations where your interlocutor resists, doesn't agree to your terms, and generally behaves aggressively. Perhaps he feels like he is being put under pressure while being deprived of his freedom. Free him from this feeling by giving him the illusion of choice.

Give your opponent several options. Make sure that in a variety of alternatives, the right choice is obvious.

This trick works especially effectively if you communicate with children or teenagers who are constantly trying to defend their opinion.

Door in the face

Strange name, isn't it? But this is a great way to manipulate. And it always works. Look, when you refuse someone's request, you almost always feel discomfort. If the request is simplified or the requirements are reduced, you experience a lot of positive emotions and are ready to fulfill it.

It turns out that first you need to ask for something unavailable, and then what you really need. So, if you ask first to give you, for example, a horse, and then a kitten, the latter will be more likely to be given to you. This may be a funny example, but it clearly describes the situation.

Agree with your interlocutor

Situations often occur when your opinion does not at all coincide with what the interlocutor says. How do you react to this? In psychology, it is recommended not to take everything with hostility.

Listen carefully to what the person says. Agree with at least some of his words, without forgetting to voice your agreement. If possible, praise him for some character traits. You will see how his mood changes. And when you approach the topic of conversation, it will be much easier to convince the person and get him to take your side.

Foot in the door

A method of manipulating people, the opposite of the previous one. It goes like this: if you train a person to provide you with small services, he will be willing to do something more grandiose and large-scale. Unlike the “door in the face” method, “foot in the door” is recommended to be used in relation to unfamiliar people. A small request will not cause resistance in them. And over time, you will be able to ask for something big.

Books

Effective communication is too broad a topic to cover in one article. You can read more about its conditions and techniques in the following books:

• “Fundamentals of the theory of communication” O. L. Gnatyuk.
• “How to talk so that children will listen, and how to listen so that children will talk” by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish.
• “I want to speak beautifully! Speech techniques" Natalya Rom.
• “Effective communication. Techniques and skills" Ulla Dick.
• “The Language of Communication” by Marian Bugajski.
• “Theory and practice of intercultural communication” E. N. Belaya.

We wish you good luck!

Did you like the article? Join our communities on social networks or our Telegram channel and don’t miss the release of new useful materials: TelegramVKontakteFacebook

We also recommend reading:

• Storytelling
• Checklist for effective communication
• The Cycle of Effective Communication
• How to learn to influence people
• 6 Effective Communication Techniques
• 3 Eco-Friendly Ways to Get What You Need from Someone
• 10 Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills
• Communication in business
• How to become an active listener
• Six Key Principles of Effective Communication
• How to improve your listening skills

Key words:1Communication

How to succeed in communicating with people - the secret way

And for starters, another secret way to help you achieve success in communicating with people. You need to understand that people are not always in good shape. Even the best of us find ourselves in situations where we need a little management.

So you buy tangerines from a southerner, and he says: “Listen, it turned out to be 2 kilos - 150 rubles in total.” You give him 1000, he takes it, gives you tangerines and begins to tell you that his grandmother really likes to eat these tangerines: “You won’t believe it, you won’t believe it, the most delicious tangerines.”

You tell him: “Well, okay, then give me the change.” He says to you: “Yes, yes, I’ll give it to you now, listen: grandma, my grandma, she’s very smart and she never tires of repeating that the tangerine is the most valuable fruit!”

And you tell him: “Still, dear, I understand you about your grandmother. But please give me some change.” In the end, surrender finally comes to you. That is, sometimes some management of the conversation is required to achieve results.

It happens that a person needs such control when he lacks attention - he jumps from one thing to another. And it also happens that it is not profitable for him or he wants to make more money on you. Or for some other reason, he tries to deliberately move away from this topic.

In both of these cases, you can, with the help of competent communication, bring the process to the result you need.

Adviсe

1. Don't be intrusive and don't impose your opinion. Forcible imposition only causes negative emotions. People with such behavior will be treated with caution. Who would want to question their own worldview after your “correct” opinion?!
2. Accept different people. Everyone doesn't have to be like you or think like you. Yes, sometimes it happens! Learn to respect other people's opinions.
3. Study and discover the world. The best way to develop yourself to support any topic of conversation is to read books. When you become known as well-read, erudite and versatile, then many will want to talk to you, to learn something new, just to chat. This is where your finest hour will come, but don’t star too much, but learn to benefit from everything.
4. Develop in your own interests. These are hobbies, places to visit, travel, and so on. This will help you feel at your best in any communication, as you will be able to share your experience, express opinions and assessments (which characterizes you as a mature person with critical thinking).
5. Don't try to please everyone. You won't be nice by force. It is impossible to be nice and good to the whole world. You are not a fluffy polar bear that evokes affection. Even the Dalai Lama, a famous diplomat and spiritual mentor of Buddhists, evokes disgust and contempt among some.
6. Accept yourself. Or fall in love. Self-acceptance, respect for your strengths and the desire to overcome your shortcomings are a winning ticket in any lottery in life... There is nothing more to say.
7. Watch yourself. If you have ambitions to become a leader in a team, I provide a link to an excellent article by Pavel Butor with effective tips that work anytime, anywhere.

With all this, it is important to free yourself from anger and envy - these qualities will ruin even the good motives of your communication. And people feel it well.

Sources

• https://psihomed.com/obshhenie-s-lyudmi/
• https://spravochnick.ru/psihologiya/tehniki_obscheniya_v_psihologii/
• https://forpsy.ru/works/uchebnoe/tehniki-obscheniya-ih-harakteristika-i-naznachenie/
• https://zen.yandex.ru/media/id/5bbc95f42daf7800aa3710e0/psihologiia-obsceniia-kak-nauchitsia-pravilno-obscatsia-5bbdedda8c6aab00ac97ef7d
• https://zen.yandex.ru/media/id/5af21bc3ad0f2269f1ebd7f5/vidy-i-strategicheskie-tehniki-v-obscenii-5b25a7dbb46e2500a8ba039e
• https://www.infoniac.ru/news/25-psihologicheskih-ulovok-kotorye-vsegda-rabatayut.html
• https://mind-control.ru/obshhenie-i-vliyanie/pravila-yeffektivnogo-obshheniya/
• https://srazu.pro/teoriya/psixologiya-obshheniya.html
• https://4brain.ru/blog/%D1%8D%D1%84%D1%84%D0%B5%D0%BA%D1%82%D0%B8%D0%B2%D0%BD%D0%B0 %D1%8F-%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%BC%D0%BC%D1%83%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%86%D0%B8% D1%8F/
• https://mistersmile.ru/kak-pravilno-razgovarivat-s-liudmi-psihologiia/
• https://ivanvdovin.ru/kak-stat-obshhitelnym-i-interesnym-chelovekom/
• https://goldtransformation.ru/kak-stat-interesnym-sobesednikom-dlya-okruzhayushhih/
• https://lifemotivation.ru/samorazvitie/psihologicheskie-tryuki
• https://levelself.ru/navyki/kak-pravilno-obshhatsya-s-lyudmi.html

Rules for communicating with people

There are many rules of communication with people and techniques to help participants communicate effectively. By and large, all this is learned in the course of life, being adjusted in the process of communication and changing social norms. A person must clearly understand what is allowed to him in communication and take advantage of the opportunities provided. Only he can be considered a successful interlocutor who uses all the possibilities of his communication.

Let's consider the basic rules of communication:

1. Show interest in the other person's information. Ask again, complement, joke, tell your story. Participate in the information that the interlocutor says.
2. Don't interrupt your interlocutor. This is extremely unpleasant for any person.
3. Do not move on to another topic unless you are convinced that the previous topic has exhausted itself.
4. Don't give advice unless asked.
5. Don't criticize. You need to be careful here. Criticism is permissible, but it is advisable to resort to it only when it does not concern the personality of the interlocutor or when he himself asks you to express your opinion.
6. Do not be distracted by the remark that you want to say after the other person’s words. Your opponent has not yet finished his thought, which can significantly change your ideas.
7. Use the person's name. Say it to get attention.
8. Smile. Don't forget about non-verbal methods of communication. A smile helps establish contact.
9. Look into the eyes of your interlocutor. Just don't strain too hard so that eye contact doesn't distract all your attention.
10. Always listen to the other person until the end. When he speaks out, then he will be ready to listen to you.
11. Maintain the importance of your interlocutor. Let him think that he is important enough to you. This can be done with compliments, hugs, conversations that interest him, or about himself.