How to get out of the Karpman triangle or codependent relationships. Psychological roles in the Karpman triangle: victim, persecutor, rescuer

How to get out of a destructive relationship and start a new life

To have a clear idea of the answer to this question, you need to have information about several points.

The first step requires awareness of the fact of being in such a relationship and acceptance of one’s own role.
It is worth understanding what role your essence loves, and what role you have to play in this relationship.

Entry points into the Karpman triangle

Each person has roles that he is accustomed to performing, and there are positions in which he would like to remain. This magic triangle suggests multiple entrances, depending on the context of the situation. For example, at work a person can play the role of a persecutor, but at home act as a Savior. Or be a Savior at work, and a Victim at home. Each individual in society should be aware of the most “weak points” in his personality, which force him to enter the triangle under one mask or another again and again

It is important to pay attention to the lures that lead you into these destructive relationships. For some people, external lures act as such - the helplessness of other people or their stupidity, for others - people who want to help. For some, a signal coming from the outside world acts as a motivating factor.

It shows that reality is dangerous and aggressive. This phenomenon is usually characteristic of people who take on the role of victims.

For some, the motivating factor is a signal coming from the outside world. It shows that reality is dangerous and aggressive. This phenomenon is usually characteristic of people who take on the role of victims.

Transitions from one state to another

Absolutely every person in society has his own bait, under the influence of which it is very difficult to resist the temptation. A person can become like a zombie, showing his own heartlessness and even stupidity towards other people and the situation as a whole.

The beginning of the transition from Savior to Victim is a feeling of one’s own helplessness and a desire for compassion.
The start of the transition from the Savior stage to the Persecutor stage is the moment when the desire arises to punish the guilty, to restore peace in the world by seeking justice. Typically, such people are driven by a sense of indignation at what is happening and a sense of their own rightness.
The moment when the transition from the role of Victim to the Persecutor occurs implies resentment and a feeling of strong injustice in relation to one’s own personality.
When the Victim decides to move into the role of the Savior, this is driven by the desire to help the former Savior or even the Persecutor.
The persecutor can also become a victim when there is a sudden feeling of helplessness and confusion.
Sometimes a person in the role of a Persecutor can become a Savior if he is driven by a feeling of guilt and there is responsibility for another person.

Thus, a transformation occurs between people, their smooth transition from one state to another occurs.

Features of solving this problem

To come to a final conclusion and have a finished picture before your eyes, you need to perform a series of actions.

Realize the benefits of wearing a certain mask.
Understand that the main feeling that pushes a person to participate in this triangle is fear.

To cope with fear, you need to follow several rules. First, you need to accept and understand it. This will help determine that there is a problem, and all that remains is to find an effective and efficient solution.

Fear needs to be spoken out and eradicated after living

To do this, you should contact psychological help groups. It is important to work through this feeling with the help of a special program. Prayers help a lot. Building relationships with higher spiritual forces is another way to solve this problem.

Where God reigns, there is less fear and pain.

These schemes are described in more detail in the 2nd and 3rd steps of the step program.

Three main roles in dysfunctional relationships. Karpman Triangle: Victim-Tyrant-Rescuer

In family life and in any other interpersonal relationships, spouses, children and others often play three main roles - Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.

“The three dramatic roles of this game - Rescuer, Pursuer and Victim - are actually a melodramatic simplification of real life. We see ourselves as generous Rescuers of a grateful or ungrateful Victim, righteous Persecutors of the wicked, and Victims of cruel Persecutors.
By immersing ourselves in any of these roles, we begin to ignore reality, like actors on stage who know they are living a fictional life but must pretend to believe it is real in order to create a good performance. At the same time, we never stay in one role for long.”
© The author of the theory is Stephen (or Stefan) Karpman, a successor of the ideas of Eric Berne.

The purpose of such games is to satisfy emotional needs , which, unfortunately, are not realized by the participants in the interaction.

Thus, in order to get out of the game, it is important to know and realize your true needs and satisfy them.

As can be seen from the figure, getting out of the triangle means working with your own protective mechanisms of repression.

How to get out of the Victim:

Learn to activate your own resources , take responsibility for your life, its organization, for managing your emotions, and get out of a state of helplessness.
If a Tyrant attacks, learn to defend yourself , get angry and defend your boundaries if you are offended, including in words!!! Talk about what you want. Learn to understand your needs and talk about them. Save yourself - make decisions, change your life.

How to get out of the Aggressor (Persecutor):

Learn to talk about your pain (close relationships) . Accept the fact that you want to dominate. It is important to recognize your vulnerability and talk about it with your family. Under the mask of anger and anger there are resentments, despair, loneliness and the need for respect and recognition!!! There is often a fear of manipulation. Behavior: the aggressor may ignore, beat (including psychologically), scare, blackmail, etc., instead of being honest about his needs.

The line between Aggressor and Victim is thin. The victim can provoke: ignore the opinion and authority of the Aggressor, show with all his appearance an “invitation” to take out his anger on her, thereby “solving” his problem of repressed anger.

If the Victim starts his game , he begins to manipulate his “bad” mood, “loss of strength,” i.e. plays at being an unhappy person, says that she doesn’t want to live, etc., then it is important to track the moment of aggression towards her and honestly say that anger appears and irritation at the game if you don’t want to save! You can ask the Victim the question: “What do you want from me now?” Compare the answers with your capabilities, values, feelings and then act based on them.

How to exit the Rescuer:

Learn to see in the “Victim” a person capable of solving their problems. Learn to appreciate the abilities and capabilities of the “Victim”. If the “Victim” asks for help, then it is important to listen to yourself and answer honestly - do you want to, and do you have the resources to help her? Learn to say no when you want to say it!
Get busy with your life - sports, hobbies. Analyze how much time of your life you spend not on yourself, but on solving someone else’s problems and questions.
Accept our powerlessness in relation to others - we cannot change someone and rule their lives!

Reasons for role-playing Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer:

Psychological traumas - we treat them with a psychotherapist.
Family scenarios, we recognize them and change them with the help of a family consultant and on our own.

How to get out of the Karpman triangle

To leave Karpman's psychodramatic triangle, you need to recognize addiction. This is where the solution to any psychological problem begins. Leave such relationships even if you enjoy your role. Do not waste your vital energy on exhausting quarrels and scandals.

Once you recognize the problem, define your role. This can be done using a test. Answer these questions honestly:

Do you help when you are not asked for help? Do you feel obligated to help because of your greater experience on some issue?
Do you often have to hide your negative emotions?
Are you ready to sacrifice your interests and desires for the sake of others?
Do you think life is unfair to you? Do you accept everything bad that happens to you as bad luck?
Have you ever thought that someone is more fortunate than you?
How often do you ask your loved ones for advice?
Do you justify yourself with such phrases: “others have it even worse”, “not everything is so bad”, etc.?
Do you think you have the power to help your partner become a better person?
Do you think that weaker people need your protection?
Do you know how to control your emotions during a quarrel? Or, at the height of the heat, can you hit your opponent?
Who makes the most decisions: you or your partner?
Do you like to be alone?
If you are a woman, do you feel rejected when your man is out with friends?
Do you like to control everything that happens around you?
Do you cover for colleagues who are constantly late?
Do you easily forgive the misdeeds of others and the insults caused to you?

Answered “yes” to at least a few questions? You are part of the triangle that Karpman described. All that remains is to decide on the role. But you probably already know her?

What to do for the Victim

The first thing you need to do to get out of the Victim role is to stop complaining. No one is to blame for how your life turns out. Try not to shift blame and responsibility onto others. Learn to improve your life on your own, on your own. There are other tips:

Remember, no one should solve your problems for you. In our world, nothing is done for nothing. If you expect help from others, be prepared to return the favor. You should not explain to anyone the motives for your actions and actions.

When making decisions, take into account your own priorities, values, and opinions. Don't look back at strangers.

And further. If the Rescuer came to your aid, be grateful to him. Take advantage of his offer. But at the same time, under no circumstances create a conflict situation between this person and the Persecutor.

What to do for the Persecutor

There are many opportunities for the Persecutor to get out of the Karpman triangle:

First, think about what you want to achieve by teaching and criticizing others? Maybe this is a desire to take out negative emotions on someone?
Always remember that everyone makes mistakes. You are no exception. Therefore, first of all, look at your behavior, and then criticize others.
No one is to blame for your problems. Try to find the reason within yourself.
People are not obliged to follow your instructions or obey you in any matters.
You can communicate with others without using moral and physical violence.

Those who take the place of the Persecutor in Karpman's codependency triangle need to find a way out for their emotions. Find a way to channel all your energy, even negative energy, in the right direction. Once you do this, the need for self-affirmation at the expense of strangers will be satisfied.

What should a Rescuer do?

First, understand: you don’t need to help those who don’t need your help. In this case, the initiative may be punished. Follow a few simple tips:

Don't think that you are smarter than others. Don't teach them how to live.
Make only realizable promises.
Help selflessly. Don't expect anything in return. If you are pursuing a certain benefit, immediately tell the person about it. That will be fair.

In the case of the Rescuer, advice for the Persecutors would be appropriate. Direct your energy into something useful, for example, self-development. Leave the desire to help for those situations when help is really needed.

What is Karpman's triangle

The expression “Karpman triangle” refers to transactional analysis. This is a direction in psychology that studies relationships between people. It looks at them using several psychological models.

Stephen Karpman first spoke about the triangle in 1986. He put forward an assumption about how relationships between people are built. According to the psychiatrist and scientist, there are 3 types of personalities: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer. Each of them plays a role.

The Persecutor is a tyrant, a strong personality who terrorizes the Victim. The victim is a weak person who believes that life is treating him extremely unfairly. But at the same time he is not trying to change anything. The one who has the role of the Rescuer in the Karpman triangle is ready to provide psychological and physical assistance to the Victim at any moment. He will listen, show sympathy, protect from adversity.

Any number of people can participate in such codependent relationships. They all play one of the roles described. And sometimes they even exchange them with each other.

Example of a Karpman triangle

Family relationships are the first situation that suggests itself as an example. When entering into marriage, people become mutually dependent, so they unwittingly try on one of the roles described above. Let's take a closer look at a typical situation and find out how certain aspects of behavior are explained by Karpman's model.

So, let's imagine a family in which the husband is not particularly successful professionally. He, of course, would work more diligently if the work was good. But since there is no good job, he doesn’t try. His life position is based on the conviction that life was initially unfair to him. He was born and raised in a poor family, because of this he was unable to get a good education, and in our time you can’t get a normal job without “clan” at all.

The wife in such a family usually plays the role of the Persecutor. She nags her husband to take more active steps to improve the family’s financial situation.

The role of the Savior can be taken on by friends who are usually on the same rung of the social ladder and fully share his beliefs about global injustice. Also, the Savior can be the husband’s mother, who is sure that her beloved son could have chosen a better daughter-in-law for her.

As you can see, the Karpman triangle is a model that can be used to describe almost any relationship that involves the dependence of one person on another. Such relationships can last for years and decades. In this case, the roles may change. This is how a wife can become a Savior for her husband when he is attacked by another Persecutor (a boss at work or a neighbor with whom there is a conflict).

Myth No. 3. There is only one Karpman triangle

There can be many variations of role switching in the triangle. One triangle helps to analyze psychological games in a family or even an entire family system across different generations. And others (as in the version with Iceberg) show how the same person can move from role to role.

“For example, the fairy-tale Barmaley, known to everyone: either he is the Persecutor, then suddenly he gets hit in the stomach and becomes the Victim. Or another famous fairy tale - about Little Red Riding Hood. The main character acts as a Rescuer when she goes to her sick grandmother. But he quickly switches to the Victim. The wolf is first a Pursuer, then he himself becomes a Victim of the Pursuers - the hunters. And they become the Rescuers of the girl and grandmother.”

Switching roles sometimes happens very quickly and, as a rule, unconsciously. The victim is only surprised: “How could I lend him money again, for the fifth time, because he won’t pay it back again!”

Simple examples

Codependent people can live through the same scenario many times over the years of their lives. Let's look at examples.

1. An abstract man-parasite lives for himself. He is always in a free search, does not like to tear his butt off the sofa and overload his loved one with physical labor. He is a classic Victim.

He was not born into a rich family, all positions are based on connections and in general life is unfair to him.

He has a wife - the Persecutor, who nags him every day so that he begins to show at least some masculine qualities.

And there is also a mother who gives him her pension so that her son does not need anything. She is in the role of the Savior.

And this triangle of drama can last for decades. It’s just that from time to time the mother and wife will change roles

When the mother-in-law gets tired of her daughter-in-law's reproaches (and fair ones at that), she also becomes a Persecutor.

The wife can easily get used to the role of the Rescuer, because whatever one may say, this is their family, and here is the mother with her lectures and principles.

2. Parents have different views on raising a child. A strict mother tries not to spoil her child, raises her according to strict rules and does not leave misdeeds unpunished. She is the Persecutor.

Dad, on the contrary, feels sorry for his baby. He pampers him with sweets, allows him to play video games until midnight, and easily forgives his misdeeds.

In this case, the child is destined for the role of the Victim. Due to his age and changeable upbringing, he does not want to take responsibility, so he will pit his parents against each other.

In the end, he will win, and mom and dad will quarrel because they cannot come to a compromise.

Such a child will grow up lazy, helpless and with numerous complexes

The situation can change dramatically if an outsider is added to the triangle. For example, grandmother. She is always happy to spoil her grandson, he is a new Rescuer.

Then mom and dad unite, they will become Persecutors, because grandma is destroying their education system (albeit imperfect).

3. Another scenario: Masha quarreled with a guy. She came to her friend Nastya for advice. It’s clear that Masha is the Victim, the man is the Persecutor.

After the bottle of wine, Nastya gives advice: “Let’s send him away. We’ll find you a dozen others tomorrow.”

Masha does so, and then suffers from loneliness, blaming the Rescuer Nastya for all her troubles. And then Nastya becomes a Victim, because Masha the Persecutor will try to quarrel with everyone she knows.

4. And let's look at another version of the triangle. Just not in his personal life, but at work: his main sides are his subordinate, boss and colleague.

Let's assume that a subordinate has been assigned a super-important task: to fill out 10 contracts. Either the boss mixed up something, or the subordinate messed up, but there are only 8 ready documents

The boss immediately takes the aggressive position of the Persecutor: “Don’t you know how to count? Yes, the investors will arrive in an hour. I'll fire you"

The subordinate-Victim does not know how to stand up for himself. It is easier for him to accept punishment (sometimes even undeserved), but to relieve himself of responsibility.

And then a kind-hearted fellow Rescuer comes into play and says: “Don’t worry, I’ll help you. Let me fill one out.” Well, the Victim is happy to put some of the responsibilities on someone else’s shoulders.

Roles may change. Let’s say that suddenly the Victim remembers that the post office has preserved a letter from the boss in which he asked to fill out exactly 8 ill-fated documents!

Now she moves into the position of the Persecutor: how is it that she was unfairly offended? Well, the boss, unwittingly finding himself in the role of the Victim, will simply be forced to make concessions (give a bonus, raise the salary, and so on).

Analyze these situations. Maybe there are Rescuers in your circle, after whose help no stone remains unturned from your previous life?

Or maybe you have been playing the role of Victim or Persecutor for more than one year, but you yourself don’t notice it?

Hidden violence - when the aggressor and victim change places

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When the aggressor plays the victim, you become an object of manipulation. You lose your bearings, and sometimes you spend your life trying to prove your love in order to preserve the relationship at any cost.

(Note: In the following, the term “Victim” is used to refer to the actual aggressor).

If you find yourself in a network skillfully placed by the Victim, your relationship becomes incredibly confusing. From the first day you meet, you are impressed by the story of the suffering that the Victim endured. You are determined to prove to your partner that you truly love him and are ready to heal the wounds of the past.

Unfortunately, you are wrong.

Victims are self-centered

Aggressors, under the guise of a victim, present themselves as innocent, offended, wounded souls, to whom fate or other people (usually the previous partner) are unfair. Victims are selfish and only notice their own pain, even if it is fabricated. They do not care about the feelings of others, demonstrating a complete lack of empathy. Victims only feel sorry for themselves. Even if they are the cause of problems in relationships (as usually happens), they will never admit it.

Reality distortion

Victims masterfully distort reality, blaming their partner for making them unhappy and making them suffer:

– “You have the wrong outlook on life”;

- “You just don’t understand me”;

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– “You are a narcissist (abuser)”;

– “This relationship is destroying me” (implying that you are the culprit of the Victim’s torment).

Abusers are unable to maintain healthy relationships and use manipulation and emotional abuse to prevent any opportunity for genuine intimacy. The victim destroys his own happiness, but blames you for it.

If the aggressor has not made a mistake in choosing a target, you will be ready to do anything to prove to your loved one that you can change and care about him more. You even ask the Victim how you can be a better partner, husband or wife. The victim does not respond to requests to explain what she needs, but continues to insist that you are vicious by nature and will never be able to please her.

It upsets you. You cannot understand why the Victim is so unhappy. If you are a stubborn person, you rush to solve a problem, becoming overly concerned with fixing the relationship. The irony is that the problem exists because the Victim himself created it, and therefore has no solution. At least for you.

For a relationship to truly improve, the Victim must:

- understand your motives;

– take responsibility for your contribution to the problem;

– change.

RJPP/Pixabay

How the Victim's Behavior Affects Your Feelings

Victims have beliefs that they, even without openly naming them, reproduce in personal relationships:

“Everyone treated me terribly, especially my ex.” What a poor thing I am!

“If you start blaming me, you’ll just prove that you’re just as cruel and unfair as the others.”

– I have the right to do as I please! I feel this way and I was forced to be this way!

“I’ve been through so much that now I’m not responsible for my actions.”

What feeling haunts you? Of course, guilt. Because of the hidden and overt accusations that are constantly leveled at you, you begin to believe that you are responsible for everything that goes wrong. If you can't solve a problem (or it's insoluble), you feel even more guilty.

Feelings of guilt make it difficult to end a painful relationship. Sensing the threat of a breakup, Victims become helpless and pathetic, not allowing you to leave. In addition, many Victims are so cunning that their partners do not even realize when they are being emotionally abused.

The victim is so convincing that everyone believes her version of events - not only the partner, but also those around him. Everyone is inclined to think that it is you who should try to improve the relationship!

But because the true problem is not identified, you may spend years fruitlessly trying to “save” your marriage, only to fail miserably.

Path to freedom

If you are caught in the Victim's trap and want to get out of it, you will need three main skills:

– self-confidence;

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Psychological violence, recovery from abusers and narcissists, breaking up with an abuser, changing abusive behavior, self-esteem, the “no longer a victim” program, relationships, loss of meaning, nice (comfortable) person syndrome, age-related crises, existential problems, loneliness, relationships “adult children” – parents,” and more...

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– the ability to set boundaries in relationships without making oneself responsible for the happiness of another person;

– the ability to resist manipulation.

Don't waste your life trying to please someone who is never satisfied. Don't expect your partner to become different. Remember that your life belongs only to you, not to anyone else. If you see that you are being manipulated, stop playing in someone else's play. Enjoy life - and let your partner feel the way he wants to feel!

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This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment

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Is your role innate?

No. A person is born neither a Victim nor a Victor. Each of us goes through a certain path of development. It is impossible to jump over one stage of development. By learning and gaining life experience, a person is able to change his own behavior pattern for the better.

A lot depends on upbringing in the family. If both parents are Winners, then they will not put pressure on the child or infringe on his rights and activities. They will allow him to grow as he is, without being limited by his own ideals.

The highest level is sage.

The Sage or the Enlightened One is a complete person who is not part of the triangle of relationships. She is always outside of him. For him, life is an end in itself. The sage is in harmony with himself and the world around him. He does not divide it into “black” and “white”. By his presence, the Enlightened One makes it clear that everything is fine.

There are very few such people, everyone usually knows about them, even if the Sage does not strive for fame. He attracts the masses with his light and truth. Sees what others do not notice, has the highest knowledge.

Not everyone is destined to become a Sage. This cannot be achieved on purpose. This stage occurs on its own, or is never achieved.

Signs of a codependent relationship. Simple test

Ask yourself a few questions and give an honest yes or no answer.

Have you ever had to do something for a person if he didn't ask for help? Just because you had experience in a similar situation?
Do you often hide your feelings (especially negative ones - pain, aggression, despair, resentment)?
Are you ready to sacrifice your own interests and needs for the sake of a relationship?
Have you ever had thoughts in your head that the current situation is “your cross” or “your burden”?
Are circumstances or other people often to blame for your troubles?
Do you think that others are much luckier in life than you?
Do you often turn to friends, family, and acquaintances for advice?
Do excuses appear in your speech: “well, not everything is so bad,” “others have it worse,” “but he doesn’t drink,” etc.?
Do you think that you can change your partner, make him better?
Were you instilled in childhood with the moral that the weak need to be protected?
Do you have no control over yourself during a quarrel? Can you yell or hit your partner?
Would you say that the vast majority of decisions are made by either you or your partner?
Do you find it difficult to bear loneliness?
Do you often feel jealous, fear of loss, or rejected if a man spends time with friends?
Are you ready to change your manners, appearance, habits, just to continue to please your partner?
Do you like to be in control?
If your colleague or friend is systematically late, will you cover for him, even if he didn't ask for it?
Do you tend to easily forgive people's misdeeds?

If you answered more than three yeses, you are definitely in the Karpman Triangle.

And you probably already understand what role you play. And if the current situation does not suit you, it’s time to move on to solving the problem.

The essence of Karpman's drama triangle

Three floating roles of codependent relationships are depicted in the form of the vertices of a triangle: Victim - Persecutor (Aggressor) - Rescuer . Once in such a pattern of relationships, each of the participants tries on all the roles of this triangle.

Without taking responsibility for his life, a person falls into the role of the Victim, and he likes it. Trying to help the Victim against her consent, the Rescuer swims into the role of the Persecutor (Aggressor), because the Victim does not want to be saved, which causes severe irritation and anger, now in the former participant - the Rescuer.

Each individual has his own “favorite” role in the magic triangle. The child learns this role in early childhood; it corresponds to the role he played in the family.

And of course, it should be noted that this is an inevitable and necessary way to look at and react to the world around you. This role with which a person falls into the Karpman triangle is a significant part of his identification. And each individual will have his own exit point.

Transitions from one role to another are also possible:

+2nd LEVEL TRIANGLE OF CREATION: WINNER – CONVITATOR – STRATEGIST

As a rule, at this level the autonomy of the participants from each other is maximum, since we are talking about the interaction of mature, independent, responsible individuals. There are a minority of such people in society (no more than 10 percent), but they are the engine of development in all areas.

The relationships in the triangle of creation are complementary. Each of these roles is independent of the other, but together they form a productive trio that can move mountains.

The main emotions of the Winner are inspiration and enthusiasm, the Contemplator - goodness and peace, the Strategist - joy, pleasure, inspiration.

The winner already knows himself and the surrounding space and freely, with pleasure, creates in it, free from criticism and condemnation. As a rule, it is successfully implemented in several areas at once, not necessarily connected in any way. However, the point here is not the amount of resources, but the deep understanding that there are always enough of them.

Rice. 3.

The contemplator is a female subpersonality. She accepts the world as it is and gives birth to ideas. She has a lot of energy, enough to stop in time, slow down, or get back to work with ease.

The strategist is a male subpersonality that directs, develops plans and indicates where to get the necessary resources. The main sign of a prudent Strategist is confidence. He is responsible for the harmony between work and rest, desires and opportunities, for how many resources we receive and give.

The triangle of creation is seen by its participants as rich and generous; there is no place for fear and uncontrollable tension in it. There are always enough resources here, the right events happen at the right time, there is constant development and self-improvement, and interaction with the world occurs through play and creativity.

To summarize the description of the roles of the three levels of the triangle, we would like to say that there are no “pure” types; we all play many roles in our lives. And even those who are at the top of this pyramid are not immune from finding themselves at the bottom again. But knowing that only the best awaits you on the path of self-development, it is somehow easier to move forward and be understanding about mistakes and failures, both your own and those around you.

General characteristics of roles in the triangle

There is always a close invisible connection between those who are part of the “Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor” triangle. Throughout the interaction, each participant receives some benefit.

The Role of the Victim

The sacrificial personality is always in search of pity, understanding and sympathy. Often she deliberately provokes the Persecutor to show aggression towards her.

Additional Information. The victim does not seek to manage his own life; he tries to place responsibility for what is happening on the shoulders of others.

Victim

The sacrificial participant in the relationship positions himself as a helpless person who cannot overcome even minor difficulties.

This role is characterized by the following feelings and emotions:

panic fear for the future;
a great insult to the whole world;
envy of others;
shame for one's own actions;
constant feeling of guilt;
doubts about the correctness of one's own actions.

An excess of negative emotions affects the physical and emotional states of the sacrificial person.

Important! Due to constant depression and stress, there is a high probability of developing somatic diseases. For the Victim, such a role is beneficial, because she receives:

For the Victim, such a role is beneficial, because she receives:

increased attention to your person; empathy from others, which allows you to increase self-esteem; Thanks to pity, the Victim easily shifts the blame onto others.

This role in Hartman’s triangle is characterized in psychology as lacking initiative and inertia. In public, the Victim tries to demonstrate his mask: cheerfulness and an active life position.

Role of the Persecutor

This role is characterized by the desire to always be first. The pursuer is ready to use all his skills as a tyrant and aggressor in order to achieve a leading position.

Aggressor

The persecutor always manipulates, criticizes and humiliates those who are weaker. From this the aggressor receives maximum satisfaction. The Tyrant believes that the Victim will not be able to achieve any positive results without him, so he constantly condemns mistakes and points out mistakes.

Among the main qualities of the Persecutor are:

anger;
irritability;
anger.

Aggressors, like Victims, benefit from their behavior:

are always in the center of everyone's attention;
do whatever they want;
increase self-esteem at the expense of a weak person;
keep Victims close to them on whom they can throw out negative emotions.

Often, Persecutors remain lonely people, since no one wants to connect their life with a despotic person.

Role of the Rescuer

In the psychological triangle, the role of the Rescuer is occupied by a strong personality. Such a person can be aggressive. Despite this, the Rescuer skillfully suppresses the desire to throw out negativity on others.

Rescuer

Thanks to saving the offended and oppressed, the Rescuer feels like a significant and necessary person. Therefore, helping the Victim brings him a lot of pleasant emotions. The rescuer is a sensitive person who takes pity on everyone in the triangle of fate. Even the Persecutor evokes a feeling of compassion in him, because the Rescuer sees the motives of his actions. Seeing how the Persecutor mocks the Victim, anger and a desire for revenge boil up in him.

Additional Information. Psychologists believe that the desire to fight for justice is caused by the need to dominate other people.

Thanks to good deeds, the Rescuer receives the following benefits:

honor, attention, respect and gratitude; takes a leading position in the matter; becomes popular among Victims; asserts itself through its own victories over the Persecutors.

In general, the role of the Rescuer can be considered positive. Such a person often forgets about himself, putting other people at the forefront. Because of this, it may seem that the Rescuer is not living his own life, but someone else’s.

Psychological roles in the Karpman triangle

Participants perform familiar psychological roles:

stalker - an aggressive person who persecutes others, especially the victim;
the victim is a weak person who is mistreated by the persecutor and often shifts responsibility for his failures onto others;
rescuer - a person who helps the victim, as a rule, the rescuer has an ulterior motive that benefits himself.

Typically, such relationships last a very long time, since the current situation suits each of the parties. The relationship between the participants is a psychological game, since in fact the victim can defend herself, the persecutor makes unfounded claims, and the rescuer has no desire to help.

There are many examples of such relationships in life, for example, the relationship between husband, wife and mother-in-law, who respectively play the roles of rescuer, victim and persecutor.

Any number of people can be involved in a relationship. Such games last long enough that people can play for a lifetime. Switching and changing of roles occurs periodically. The victim can become a stalker, putting the stalker in his place. The rescuer can become a pursuer or a victim. Some players constantly switch from one role to another.

How to avoid becoming a victim in a relationship?

Life outside the triangle

However, you can get out of the Karpman triangle. Whatever role you occupy, no matter what is imposed on you, show fortitude and overcome it. The triangle is an imaginary reality revolving around three positions. Real life is beyond. People who end up there have no goals, are unable to control their minds and feelings, tirelessly performing the same roles. How can this be achieved?

There are three rules that will help you get out of the triangle. Let's look at an example:

So, let’s say you are a business woman, tired after work, getting ready for bed. But then he hears his mobile phone ringing. You respond - your friend is crying, trying to convey something with difficulty. She talks about how her husband beats her for the third day in a row, in yet another spree, she also found confirmation and evidence of his infidelity. And that he even has a child from his mistress. You naturally want to reassure your friend. You’ve been trying to say something for half an hour, sincerely wanting to help. But she turns off the phone, and you feel like you didn't get enough done.

The Karpman triangle mechanism is triggered at the moment when the game “Victim” - “Rescuer” begins. That is, when you blame yourself for not providing help, and your opponent behaves like a defenseless victim of circumstances (as in the example described). As long as your mind is cool and impartial, you remain neutral and are able to assess the situation from an objective perspective. But as soon as you let your emotions take over, you were caught

It is important to have a goal in mind, to track your attitude towards your friend’s situation, to decide what she wants; assess what her case might lead to and what your actual help is needed

Rule one - you don’t need to succumb to provocations and become emotionally involved in other people’s experiences.

Maintain an objective perspective. Separate the Victim's sobs from the true state of affairs. Usually she really needs help, but crying is a manipulative means of getting your pity. And solve the problem for her. Shift responsibility onto someone else's shoulders. You need to understand that you always have a choice about how to behave. No one has the right to decide for you. You have to figure out what is more important: cry and look for an answer from others or pull yourself together and resolve your difficulties yourself. And decide how you would like others to behave with you.

The victim will not cry in front of strangers or at work. She feels bad, but with tears she only seeks the attention of her loved one so that he takes everything upon himself.

Rule two: hold off on consolation and pity. This doesn't always work productively.

Of course, there are cases when it is necessary to feel sorry and console. But not every time a person really needs it. The sobbing intensifies, as do the demands on you, and even potential insults if you refuse or fail to cope.

It is important to understand whether the manipulator is in front of you or not. A sincere person, after calming actions, will come to his senses and thank

The victim does not want consolation in the first place, but revenge on the Persecutor through you. You are a Rescuer for her. If you do not want to act in the role that is already expected of you after showing pity, then you act as a traitor and a scoundrel for the Victim.

Rule three - keep cool, you are innocent.

Morally, your conscience is clear. You may feel uneasy, but this is a false feeling.

Rule four - offer your version of the contract, plan, goals. But don't do them alone.

This point is your possible help. If a friend accepts this option of joint discussion, drawing up a plan and choosing a goal, tasks - developing a strategy, then she really needs it, and is not manipulating you. Find out how she feels, what the essence of the problem is. Based on the goal that seems most important to your friend, prepare an implementation plan together. Help with what you really can, don’t promise the impossible. Naturally, actions must be mutual.

Thus, the Karpman triangle is a scenario in which roles and events are predetermined, but you yourself are able to change it and not participate at all.

Who is a rescuer in the Karpman triangle.

Helping other people is a way of self-realization for a rescuer. Often the Rescuer hides his hostility towards the Persecutor. The rescuer is prone to aggression, but does not allow himself to show it openly. Usually the rescuer tries to suppress his feelings or ignore his own problems. A rescuer helps others with the expectation of getting something in return.

The relationship between the victim and the rescuer is also a psychological game in which each participant receives his own winnings. The rescuer protects the victim from the pursuer, but in reality he does not benefit from the victim leaving the dependent relationship. The rescuer may gain a sense of self-esteem by helping a victim who is accustomed to shifting responsibility for his life to others.

Options for changing the format of relationships: how to bring them closer to the norm

The development of relationships will allow people to escape the format of codependency, relieve emotional tension, and learn respect and trust. In a healthy family, each part of the triangle will have a new role:

The victim will turn into a fighter and a winner. From a person constantly relying on other people, the victim will turn into a fighter who is not afraid of difficulties. She will enjoy her new position, rejoicing in her accomplishments.
The controller will become the contemplator. Having learned to trust those around him, he will move on with his life and discover that around him there is a sea of opportunities for self-realization. He will have new creative ideas.
The Savior will be a personal motivator and strategist. He will set up the former victim to choose the right course of action and will help the contemplator choose a profitable option for implementing brilliant plans.

The main problem of codependency is constant manipulation. If a person understands that they are trying to control him, the partner does not want to change the situation, you need to be able to leave such an alliance in time.

Manifestation of the Karpman triangle in situations with dependencies

In this case, we are talking not only about drug or alcohol addiction, but about any exposure. Codependency is often the basis for the formation of this figure. The relationship between a dependent person and codependent people flows into this triangle. This is sometimes done unconsciously, and a codependent person, depending on what model of behavior he chooses according to his mood, can try himself in several roles simultaneously.

Victim: in this case, the person will constantly complain to other people that it is difficult for him to live with an addicted patient. At the same time, he will collect certain bonuses in the form of regret and compassion.
Persecutor: when the patient once again gets into trouble, the Persecutor will have the opportunity to scold him, reproach him, and also throw out all the aggression. In this situation, it is this character who provokes the conflict, but still considers himself a victim of circumstances.
Savior: it can manifest itself in various forms, and this role is the most valuable for a codependent patient, because while in it, he feels his significance and gains meaning in life.

Often codependent people involuntarily form a feeling of guilt for their behavior in chemically dependent patients. This is necessary so that the person being saved does not rebel in any way, and so that the Victim can only maintain his apparent role, but not actually be a Victim.

In these relationships, when an alcoholic/drug addict leaves the triangle, there are difficulties: after all, the supposed victim not only creates in him a feeling of guilt and shame, but also considers it his duty to constantly support him. The game task of the Savior is to prevent the sick person from leaving. Manipulative phrases are used: “I love you so much, but what do you do to me,” “I’ve done so much for you, and you think that you can do whatever you want,” and so on. At the same time, the person who is in the role of the imaginary Savior constantly does new and new favors, while forgetting to ask whether the character being saved himself needs them. In fact, they are only needed by a codependent person so that he can constantly maintain a relationship in a triangle without the ability to break out of it.

Karmpana Triangle

As a defense, codependent people use the common myth that by creating this triangle, they demonstrate their great and correct love towards the sick person. By hanging this cross around their neck, they seem to become heroes and protect the sick from the dangers of the outside world. In fact, this model of behavior is destructive, and if the Savior does not understand this in time, not the best consequences await both him and the chemically ill person. Another point also occurs - protection on a subconscious level, since within the framework of these relationships there is complete manipulation of the dependent person. Of course, the Savior acts exclusively in his own interests, but he presents this to others as self-sacrifice, reinforcing his opinion with the words “How can I leave him.” And usually “giving up” means giving him a chance for a new life, allowing him to be saved.

But for a codependent person playing in this triangle, who does not want to leave the relationship, the realization that he just needs to leave the patient is extremely unprofitable. After all, as often happens, such “right love” is the only opportunity for a woman to be realized in life, which at the same time is relatively simple. She doesn’t see anything else, or at least she doesn’t want to see and spend additional energy to find herself. If we add to this phenomenon the recent social beliefs that “a patient woman is a good woman,” we can understand that a codependent person, supposedly trying to protect the dependent from all troubles, does not try to help him in any way. If this is a woman, then her motive is to be good and correct for everyone. This woman can build the same triangles with each of her children and even with her grandchildren. In fact, such behavior can be characterized as manipulation that benefits the woman herself, but not those around her and her beloved family members.

Who is the pursuer in the Karpman triangle?

The main need of the pursuer is dominance over other people, the desire for leadership. The persecutor asserts himself by suppressing and humiliating other people. He tries to manipulate, suppress, exploit.

The victim's resistance does not stop the pursuer; on the contrary, suppressing the protest gives him a feeling of superiority and moral satisfaction. The persecutor derives satisfaction from power over his victims; there is always a justification for such actions.