Have you ever wanted to become more disciplined? Regularly do something that benefits the body, loved ones, and life in general? Develop healthy habits?
Image by ananthu kumar from Pixabay
The hardest thing for some people is to stick to the necessary routine and rules so that the habit becomes firmly ingrained in life.
Following the rules is the main reason why you can’t exercise regularly, stick to proper nutrition, quit smoking, start learning a foreign language, and much more.
In short: as soon as you teach yourself to stick to the habit, you can do absolutely anything, and new unknown but interesting horizons will open up before you.
In this article:
Why you can’t stick to a habit How to instill a habit: 7 rules Using a new way to form a habit How long does it take
Why you can't stick to a habit
First you need to understand why habits are not always adhered to. Here are some of the most common reasons:
- The habit is very difficult;
- You are not motivated to change;
- You don't like doing this;
- You're talking yourself out of it;
- You've picked up several habits at once (it's really hard);
How to develop a habit?
- Your life is very busy, and many events are happening at the same time;
- You have lost your usual routine (fell ill, left, guests arrived);
- You're depressed because you missed a day or two.
There are other reasons. For example, your family or friends are trying to dissuade you and ask you not to make changes, you don’t believe in yourself and don’t believe in your ability to change, or at the beginning of your journey you set the speed too high, and now everything has gone downhill.
Why goals are important
The best way to create a block is to combine actions related to your life requests. There is no point in multiplying random habits that do not make sense to you personally. Each of them should be related to your goals. The easier it is to build a logical system out of them.
We all have different goals. Therefore, there is no right answer to the question of which habits are important. However, practice shows that almost every task can be classified into one of the following categories:
1. Career. The goals of this category are related to increasing labor productivity, increasing capital turnover, and moving up the career ladder. Whether you want to improve a job skill or improve the structure of your business, career goals are important because they directly affect the other six areas of your life.
2. Finance. The older you are, the more important these goals are. Alternatively: save for retirement, improve your credit history, pay off credit card debt, make long-term investments.
3. Health. By achieving these goals, you will be able to maintain good physical shape and adhere to proper nutrition. There can be many subgoals in this category: lose weight, start choosing healthy foods, diversify your diet, exercise.
4. Leisure. This category of goals is associated with activities that are important to you personally. Often we have no time for this: we have enough other worries. However, if you always deny yourself pleasant things, this will affect your quality of life. Examples of goals: plan a vacation, spend more time with loved ones, find a hobby (say, brewing, hunting, cooking, drawing).
5. Organization of life. These goals will help you organize and unload your life. For example: to put things in order in the environment so that there is nothing superfluous in it, in particular, regularly clean the house and get rid of things that have ceased to bring joy.
6. Relationships. The goals in this category are related to improving relationships with people who are important to you, for example, family and friends. You can improve your social skills, find a romantic partner... and just work on your character to make it easier to communicate with you.
7. Spirituality. This area has a special meaning for each of us. This includes meditation and prayer, yoga and helping others, auto-training. By and large, this category includes everything that helps to find peace of mind and harmony.
As you can see, you can set different goals. That's why it's important to track what's truly important to you. For this purpose, questions are useful, to which we will now move on.
How to instill a habit: 7 rules
Now that you know what can stop you from starting and moving towards your goal, setting a goal can seem very difficult. This is really not easy, but it is doable. All valuable things require some effort. Therefore, be determined to work hard and be ready to leave your comfort zone.
There is a certain set of rules, following which you can form a habit. This code can be ignored, but then the probability of failure is high. Or you can successfully apply these rules and see what works for you. After all, each person is unique, as is the formula for success.
These are the 7 rules:
- One small habit at a time
Many people ignore this rule, but it is very important. Therefore, you should not underestimate him. It will take a lot of willpower to form a new habit. It's very easy to start working with one or even five habits. The hard part is sticking to them. Remember: one habit is one habit. At a time. Don't break this rule.
And this habit should be small. Don't get hung up on results. If you do ten squats a day, you won't get toned buttocks in a month. But now it is important to form a habit, and not to get immediate results. Yes, someday you will achieve the results you need, but for now, focus on the routine.
- Once a day
You can believe that you can start eating healthy right away. Unlikely. Change at least one meal a day. Once the habit is established, you can move on, but take a break of three weeks.
Photo taken from open sources
- The main thing is to start
During the first month, this is the part that matters a lot. In a few months you will be able to pass the international English language exam, but now download the self-instruction application on your smartphone. If you want to write a book, then open your laptop and write the first sentence. If you are going to stick to a diet, cut up some carrots, put the plate in front of you and eat the first piece. Get started!
- Enjoy the process
From the very beginning, it is very important to receive feedback (from yourself) that is positive. Many people try to form a habit that they hate, towards which, by default, they are negative. And then they wonder why nothing works. Form only those habits that you like. Or learn to enjoy what you are trying to instill. Focus on the positive aspects of this habit. Periodically praise yourself for doing what you wanted. It's necessary.
- Watch your thoughts
If you start to give up, avoid doing the habit, or don’t avoid it, but your enthusiasm has disappeared... pay attention to the thoughts that accompany all this. Where do they come from? These thoughts are not reality, but an ordinary defensive reaction that the brain uses to prevent you from leaving your comfort zone. Try to let go of these thoughts, don't let them take over you. Treat yourself positively and you will definitely overcome them.
- Don't miss two days in a row
This rule is key. If you had to miss one day, make sure you don’t miss another one. If you miss one day, declare a state of emergency for yourself and do everything possible so as not to miss the next day. If you make a mistake, it will become very difficult to establish the habit.
- Be responsible
Tell someone about your plans: at least one person. Seek help and report to someone. Better yet, gather a support group. 5-6 people will be enough. Practice shows that this increases the likelihood that you will stick to the habit by about 50%.
Stages of Habit Formation
Some psychologists have wondered how people who succeed in changing something differ from those who fail. It turned out that if a person manages to go through certain stages in the process of change, then his behavior becomes more stable. After analyzing a huge amount of data, the authors identified mandatory stages for those who want to achieve sustainable changes.
This principle was called the transtheoretical model . Its meaning is that there are stages that last a certain amount of time.
This is what the transtheoretical model looks like
Think about the habits you failed to implement: which stage are you stuck at? Where are they located now? Think about what can be done to take them further?
The first stage is the stage of resistance to change.
Lasts a lifetime until the decision to change. At this stage, a person does not analyze information that would help him change, because such a task does not yet exist for him. He is not aware of his dissatisfaction and does not believe that it can be turned into any real changes. No matter what you tell a person, he will not listen to you. He is comfortable until the thought arises: “I want to do something about this.” Then dissatisfaction accumulates and an image of achieving something good is formed. This is how the first shoots of motivation appear to make things different.
The second stage is the stage of reflection.
Lasts from 1 day to 14 days. An internal economist begins to work in a person’s head: he considers all the costs and benefits that we can get by changing behavior. If you want to move a person beyond the thinking stage, it is important to bring out the inner economist and ask him questions: “Dear inner economist, please tell me what are the benefits of this new behavior? What are the disadvantages and advantages of the old behavior?
The “Pros and Cons” exercise will help a person progress.
Exercise “Pros and Cons”
Think about your habit. Formulate the arguments “for” and “against” - let them be varied. After all, there are pros and cons for yourself, pros and cons for others (which may be important for you).
When there are more reasons to act than reasons not to act, we act. Our economist never forces us to do too many unpleasant things. If a person thinks that changes are too scary or risky, then no pros and cons will help him.
If you find that you don’t have enough pros, then you can work with it. You can strengthen your “for”, come up with several new options, and artificially include a reward. Fill the cup with your ideas.
The same goes for “against”. You can provide relief to the side that is pushing you into a behavior. For example, for playing sports there are such “pros”: I will be pleased in the moment, I will enjoy it. And these are the “cons”: my muscles will hurt the next day, it will be hard for me. By the way, if you rationally understand that “it would be nice to go in for sports,” then this explanation does not work. It is important to detail this “good”, since this is a very abstract category.
Or, for example, you change some of your behavior and are afraid that other people will shame you. How can you work with the “against”? You can connect more with people who support you.
The third stage is the preparation stage.
After we have weighed everything and made sure that we have fewer “against” than “for”, the preparation phase begins. It also lasts a long time - from 1 week to 21 days. How to get through it? There are several ways. First of all, it is about making commitments. We can loudly and clearly articulate to ourselves and to those around us that we have decided to change something. We take this responsibility upon ourselves.
Next, we can think carefully about the consequences of the changes by mentally imagining them. The stronger our emotional feeling at this moment, the easier it is to pass this stage. The more emotions, inspiration and uplift we have from our commitments, the better. At this stage, people begin to look for ways to do what they have in mind. They select information that is important to them. They look for support in their environment.
What happens if you skip the preparation stage? You will be emotionally unprepared for something new. There is a risk of giving up your idea quite quickly.
That's why it's important to prepare well, read the information, make a verbal or written commitment, think about the consequences, or awaken other feelings within yourself.
The fourth stage is the action stage.
Only after this can we move on to the action stage, which lasts on average 2 months. At this stage, it is important to track progress: keep diaries, blogs, an application where you need to note what you do every day. There are a lot of rules and tricks here, but the two main points are tracking progress and supporting the environment.
It’s not for nothing, for example, that the most sustainable sports habit is formed through working with a coach. The more people around you doing what you set out to do, the more likely you are to do the same. Our environment decides a lot.
Let's see what life hacks help at the fourth stage.
- For the first month we observe everything strictly . At the same time and under the same conditions. Why is it important? Remember, we said that a habit is formed according to the principle: trigger → action → reinforcement. If every time we do something after some kind of trigger (specific place, time, context), then this whole structure is “grabbed” much easier. As soon as conditions change, triggers no longer work as well.
- Reminders and connection of environmental resources (help, reminder). The environment is critical to behavior change. The more hints, help, reminders, and participation of other people in our environment, the better. You can ask your friends to ask how you are doing. You can ask the people you work with to change behavior to periodically report back on their results. All this will work.
- Reward that follows after achieving a result. For example, if we manage to meditate daily during the week, then at the end of the week promise yourself a prize that is meaningful to you. It is advisable to reward a group of actions, rather than one action: for example, you meditate for 3 days in a row - you get a reward, then - 7 days. Increase the intensity of the rewards so that you get a “hill” of prizes that you give yourself throughout the month.
- Set a deadline with the right to refuse - extend the deadline if successful. Many people make a promise to themselves and then become overwhelmed with anxiety. For example, they say: “I will learn the language for a whole month.” And that’s it - there is no turning back, there are enemies all around, it seems that everything is very scary. This anxiety ultimately turns out to be the cause of sabotage. If you have such a thing, then it is important to give yourself the right to refuse. For example, say: “I’ve been doing this for a whole month. And then I look - if I like it, I leave it. If not, I’ll stop.” This way we free ourselves a little and reduce anxiety.
- Strong emotions associated with the habit. If what we do is accompanied by some positive feelings, then it sticks better and more effectively. What could it be? Super exciting music, emotions that you get from interacting with other people. Any changes that will help you not just do the task, but have great pleasure.
Let's move on to the most unpleasant moment. It turns out that if we do something consistently, then, yes, we actually develop a habit. But there is no guarantee that it is sustainable.
Any stress, any change in conditions, any break - and you can fall back. This is almost inevitable, so you need to immediately include your failures and setbacks in your plan.
Right away - because it will happen in any case. And the long-term stability of behavior depends on how effectively a person manages to go through this stage.
The fifth stage is the stage of maintaining changes.
The stage of maintaining changes lasts 60-90 days. This is where willpower plays less of a role than trigger control. What does it mean? If you are already faced with some conditions that provoke you to old behavior, it is really difficult to pull yourself out. Therefore, at this stage it is important to do everything so as not to encounter conditions that will lead you to abandon the behavior. If you know that when you go home after work, you won’t go outside, you don’t need to go home. This is important. No amount of willpower will save you - only control of external conditions and triggers.
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Using a New Way to Form a Habit
The above seven methods may seem too complex to implement all of them at once. And that's okay. Learn gradually and in small steps.
Photo taken from open sources
Start with the simplest and most basic habit.
If it’s still difficult for you to form new habits on your own, then start with the smallest ones - don’t immediately imagine yourself as a pro, grabbing onto everything you see.
Try all the rules on this simplest habit. Yes, it may seem too funny, but start with this if you want to master these rules with ease.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- eat one fruit or vegetable per day;
- drink a glass of water a day before meals;
- wash dishes immediately after eating;
- print one sentence per day;
- put clothes in the closet rather than throwing them on the sofa;
- drink a cup of tea every afternoon;
- every morning or evening say words of gratitude to yourself.
Photo taken from open sources
Does it seem too simple?
Okay, you can choose something more difficult for yourself. But if suddenly it doesn’t work out, then make a promise to yourself that next time you will start with something simple and small.
A little theory
From the point of view of neurophysiology, a habit is a chain of neural connections formed in our brain, in which one action is necessarily followed by another. For example, we woke up in the morning and brushed our teeth. This is a habit that we learn in early childhood. Habitual actions can be actions or emotions.
To form a new habit, you need to create a new chain of neural connections in the brain by regularly repeating the same action or sequence of actions. It would seem that nothing could be simpler! But this is where the catch lies: usually we don’t want to perform these actions, we are lazy, put it off, postpone it - and the habit is not formed.
How long does it take
Scientific research does not support the standard figure of 21 days. Don't trust this number, but trust your body. If you already automatically perform the desired habit, it means that it has formed. Success! It doesn't matter how long it took. Twenty days, sixty or a hundred.
Don't stop until you are sure that it has really become natural and habitual for you. Good luck, you will definitely succeed. And remember: if you form at least one habit, you can do absolutely anything!
What to do with “breakdowns”?
Of course, if a person has the strongest motivation to develop a habit, he will be able to get up at 6 in the morning, go to the gym, quit smoking, etc. and so on. But how to behave in a situation when there is simply no such motivation, because you can “break down” very easily?
In this case, experts recommend adhering to the following tips:
- Work on your motivation. If you have a desire to instill a new habit in yourself, a simple argument “this is necessary” or “I should” will not be enough. In response to these arguments, the brain will begin to ask its own questions, the answers to which will often become a “disincentive” to the formation of a new habit. But the solution is simple: you must create serious motivation for yourself. Think about where the new habit will lead you, what prospects it will open up for you, how it can improve your life and how much new and interesting things it can bring into it. Imagine bright prospects as clearly and brightly as possible - only if the desired result is constantly “looming” in your mind, will you have the desire to do what you decided to do.
- Track your regularity. If you perform some action for 21 days, every now and then, skipping the 3rd, 5th, 9th, 14th day, you will not form any new habit. Remember that even one omission nullifies all your efforts, even though you were faithful to your decision for 19 days and missed the 20th day. So, do your best not to miss “classes.”
- Make an effort. In the process of forming a new habit, you will definitely encounter difficulties when the task seems impossible or you begin to be overwhelmed by laziness or the desire to give up everything. But no one promised an easy path. To overcome difficulties, you must use all your will and strength. Stress yourself for three weeks, make an effort on yourself - and after 21 days you will not only be able to relax, but also understand that everything you have done was not in vain.
From all this it follows that, firstly, any person is able to form any habit in himself, secondly, he will need only 21 days to do this, and thirdly, motivation and self-control.
YOUR HABITS: Do you have any habits that you want to get rid of or that you want to replace? Perhaps there are habits that you have long wanted to instill in yourself, but you still can’t? If so, we suggest you find out how habits are formed in your life, as well as get acquainted with effective methods of self-control and self-regulation - we invite you to take our proprietary course on self-knowledge, which will tell you a lot of interesting information about yourself. You will find the course here.
We wish you, first of all, to form the habit of getting to know yourself always and everywhere, but at the initial stage, 21 days may well be enough for you. So go ahead!
We also recommend reading:
- Storytelling
- Charles Duhigg "The Power of Habit" - summary
- Paperclip Strategy for Habit Formation
- All about habits +Marathon!
- Strategy for overcoming bad habits
- Overcoming Negative Behavior
- How to develop good habits and get rid of bad ones
- Formation of useful habits
- How to Implement a New Habit: 4 Effective Strategies
- How to determine the cycle of any habit
- 5 Mistakes When Forming New Habits
Key words:1Time management
How to help your child form a habit
Choose a habit
Best of all - one. If the process goes well, in a couple of weeks you can add another one, then another. But if you try to implement three or five habits at the same time, there is a high chance of failure. It will be difficult for the brain to work on several new chains of neurons at once.
Set a goal
If it is not clear why the habit is needed, motivation will not appear. The difficulty is that the goal should not be formal, but truly desired. You can’t just want to “get up early” or “solve physics problems every day” - you need to understand why this is needed, what good it will add to life.
Together with your child, make a list of habits, and let him tell you why he needs each one. It’s better to introduce the one that he will talk about with the greatest enthusiasm.
If you have problems setting a goal, invite him to choose the most useful or relevant habit for today, and then figure out together how it will improve the child’s life. The task is not just to say it in words, but to create a bright, integral image, a picture in the head that will evoke an emotional response. For example, if you need to form a habit of regular study, let the child imagine to the smallest detail how he climbs the steps of the chosen university on September 1 or receives a diploma as an Olympiad winner.
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Ensure regularity
This is the most difficult stage in forming a habit. It takes time for new neural connections to form. How much exactly is a very individual question. In 2009, scientists from the University of London conducted an experiment. 96 people formed different habits and observed the results. As a result, the average time for the action to become automatic was 66 days. At the same time, the time for the formation of different habits varied significantly - from 21 to 254 days!
These numbers sound scary, but there is good news. Firstly , the same study showed that skipping one day did not affect the time it took to develop a habit. This means that if a child has not studied for one day, there is no need to abandon the idea, the main thing is to continue. Secondly , it is not necessary to wait for the moment when the action is completely “automated”. It is enough that it will gradually become easier to do it. This “lightness” is achieved in about 3-4 weeks.
