How to accept yourself: 7 ways to learn to accept yourself

Why can't a person accept himself?

It's all about the complexes that someone else instilled, and the habit of comparing oneself with other people, which was also instilled by the environment. Usually the problem goes back to childhood. Until the age of 7, a child has not developed critical thinking, so he perceives everything that his parents say as the ultimate truth. If parents tell a child that he is doing everything wrong, that he is bad and unworthy, that he has a disgusting appearance, etc., then the child grows up with these very beliefs. Gradually he adopts the attitude of his parents and becomes a tyrant for himself.

And it happens that the family treats the child well, but peers bully him for some characteristic, for example, for being overweight. Victims of bullying spend years recovering from the trauma. Even in adulthood, not all people can get rid of this shadow of the past.

Note! Non-acceptance of oneself is associated with ignorance of oneself. A person does not know what he is capable of and what he wants. He demands from himself the impossible and alien. He is attracted to the happy and successful lives of other people, but he does not understand that all people are different and everyone has their own path to happiness.

What happens when a person begins to accept himself

Why don't many people accept themselves for who they are? In most cases, because they are comparing themselves to someone else. How do you know if you have “flaws”? Only in comparison with people who do not have these “disadvantages”. Otherwise, these “shortcomings” will be considered as such.

When a person begins to accept himself, he stops comparing himself to other people. We are all different and at different levels of development. How can you compare a 1st grade student and a 10th grade student? Each of us has lived on this planet a different number of lives. Each of us has our own lessons and tasks here and they are individual for each person.

The system in which we live (or the matrix) is designed in such a way that people are given a program of comparison with each other, and most people are drawn into this absurdity.

But as soon as you stop comparing yourself with someone, the tension goes away, the feeling of superiority or humiliation disappears, stress, bad mood and some illnesses leave, you begin to feel freedom.

When you do not accept yourself, you do not accept the experience that you need not only to receive and accept, but also to realize.

What does this mean?

Non-acceptance of oneself is expressed in a person’s isolation and aggressiveness, irritability, and touchiness. Those who do not accept themselves often get sick. His personal life is not going well, and problems arise at work. He's unhappy.

Some people try to isolate themselves from society because they are afraid of criticism, attention, insults, and also believe that they are not worthy of love and happiness. Other people try to assert themselves at the expense of others, and also, as a defense, create the image of a selfish, narcissistic, arrogant person.

A subject who does not accept himself cannot accept other people. And he is also incapable of falling in love. He does not know how to accept and give compliments, or care about someone. Only by accepting oneself can a person become open and friendly towards others.

Non-acceptance of oneself is caused by an internal conflict - the contradiction between the real self (what a person is at the moment) and the ideal self (what a person would like to be). The problem is that in traumatized people these images are distorted. They cannot create an objective image of the Real Self and create an image of the Ideal Self that is unattainable specifically for them.

For example:

1. An introvert blames himself for being tired of contacts with people, unable to maintain small talk or work in a team, and dreams of becoming the life of the party, a speaker, a training leader, etc.
2. A person with a disciplinary type of thinking (the ability to study one activity in depth) scolds himself for the lack of creative thought and dreams of becoming a famous artist.
3. A woman for whom her career is a priority and who manages to build a business scolds herself for not wanting to have children. She believes that this makes her flawed, wrong.
4. A girl who does not have enough height or other characteristics for a modeling career revels in self-pity instead of finding an area where her height and other characteristics will be in demand.

Every person has something that he cannot change: temperament, inclinations, type of nervous system, height, shape of the nose and ears, eye shape, etc. Yes, external and internal features impose restrictions on certain types of activities. It happens that our interests and desires do not coincide with our capabilities. But each person has hundreds of options on how to combine opportunities and abilities. You just need to find the strength to stop focusing on one thing and look at the world and yourself more broadly.

Note! A person who does not accept himself always has problems in communication. Some people find it difficult to speak and carry on a conversation. Others constantly find themselves in conflict.

What are the differences between self-acceptance and rejection?

Let's present the comparative analysis in the form of a table:

Where to begin

How to learn to accept yourself? Acceptance means stopping comparing and evaluating yourself. This means that a person simply accepts all his characteristics as facts. He accepts and knows all his strengths and weaknesses of character, desires and interests, true inner impulses, external characteristics, abilities, mentality and personality, temperament, etc. He allows himself to be himself, does not try to become like someone else or adapt to someone else's standards.

Self-acceptance also presupposes a person’s forgiveness of past mistakes, renunciation of self-flagellation, guilt or shame. And even mistakes in the present are accepted as a normal element of human life. A person allows himself to be wrong or in a bad mood, to doubt, make mistakes, be afraid, etc. He accepts any of his emotions, feelings and reactions.

Important! When you start working on self-acceptance, be prepared for the fact that it will be a long and difficult journey. Both characteristics depend on how much your self-esteem has dropped, how much you have been consumed by complexes. But, one way or another, you shouldn’t expect changes in a day or a week. The first results can be seen in about a month, and a sustainable improvement in life can be seen in at least a year.

How to accept yourself means to love

To learn to accept any of your feelings, you need the skill of mindfulness in relation to them. We also need to introduce into our heads the idea that we can experience any feelings, emotions and there is nothing wrong with that. Understand that we cannot always experience only positive, bright feelings. We often manifest fear, negativity, anger, and resentment. All this is triggered by ego-protective mechanisms, as a reaction from the hostile attitude of the surrounding world and people.

The psyche defends itself, this is natural, the body needs it. But this should not be too long, and should not continue when the stressful situation has already passed. It is human nature to overindulge and continue to experience negative emotions after they are no longer needed and will only cause harm, destroying the body. Therefore, allow the negative manifestations of the psyche to manifest themselves, do not interfere with this, accept them in yourself, let them be. This is the acceptance of internal negativity.

Many people drill into themselves the following attitudes: I’m not afraid, I don’t get depressed, I’m not angry, and so on. This is not acceptance, this is denial. With this approach, this negativity will still manifest itself within you, because this is a mental reaction to stress, their appearance does not depend on you. And you start to fight it, run away from it, turn away, pretend that it doesn’t exist. This is repression, non-acceptance, so you will never get rid of it.

And if you calmly accept negative experiences, they will manifest themselves in you without hindrance. The nervous system will begin to be excited, some muscles will tense, and processes in the body will change. This is necessary in order to cope with stress. Don't interfere with this. But watch this, turn on your awareness, see what a negative emotion does to your body. Don't be afraid of your fears, face them, accept them, become aware of them.

I assure you, after such acceptance, and not denial, the emotion will arise for some time, and then dry up, having fulfilled its function. If you do not accept it, but repress it, it can get stuck inside you for a long time, you did not allow it to come out. This is how people become depressed for a very long time.

Calmly observing your fear. And, without denying that you are afraid, you thereby come to courage, fearlessness. This seems like a paradox only at the beginning. But look at the first word in this sentence: calmly . Calmness is a manifestation of true courage and fearlessness.

Yes, reading this is one thing, but in practice it is difficult to implement due to low awareness. We cannot look at the emotion from the outside; we merge with it. This mental attitude comes to our aid, which we need to say to ourselves. “Let my fear (anger, resentment or other bad feeling) continue as long as it wants. I don't interfere with this, I don't interfere with him. I accept my fear. Let him be. But I am separate from fear. There is I, there is fear."

When we are overwhelmed by bad feelings or emotions, close your eyes and mentally, silently, slowly, understanding the meaning of these words, say these words. After that, see how the emotion manifests itself in the body, observe it, be separate from it. This way you will learn to accept your negative manifestations of the psyche, which means getting rid of them. Once accepted, it will gradually dissolve.

The skill of acceptance is closely related to awareness. To accept some part of yourself, you need to realize it at least a little, understand that it is in us. Therefore, be aware, train your attention in order to learn to accept your emotions.

Thus, to learn to accept something in your life, repeat the thought form described above. It can be applied to anything.

As soon as everything in your life starts to go wrong, relationships begin to deteriorate, or people start pestering you, stop, take a break, and figure it out. Most likely, you don't accept something in life. Realize this and slowly speak the thought form. For example: “I accept the fact that people can be mean to me. I agree with it. It's their problem, I don't care about it. I won't stoop to their level." “I accept the fact that life can be difficult and unfair. Behind the black stripe there will then be a bright stripe of my destiny.” “I accept the fact that government can be unfair and make mistakes.” “I accept and agree that people have different characters, behave differently, not the way I like.” And so on.

I repeat, acceptance does not mean that you will not strive for better or, for example, not respond to insults, silently watch as you are robbed. It’s just that now you will act clearly, with a clear head, because emotions of rejection, such as irritation, dissatisfaction, or others will not cloud your head. This is a wise, adult attitude towards life.

Ways to accept yourself

Let's look at the basic advice from psychologists on how a person can accept, understand and love himself for who he is. We will also consider popular psychological techniques that help with self-acceptance.

Get rid of excessive demands on yourself

There will always be someone better or worse than you. You cannot always be the first in everything. All people get tired, everyone experiences setbacks. Understand this and stop asking yourself to “be a steadfast tin soldier.” Set goals that are a little more challenging than what you have already achieved. But it's a little more complicated. This is the only way to develop without breakdowns and self-flagellation.

Free yourself from judgment of yourself and others

Learn to praise others and yourself, see virtues and achievements. Right now, make a list of what you can thank yourself for, what you respect yourself for. And then make the same list for your friend. Start communication with a compliment, gratitude or praise. Learn to step into another person's shoes. To begin with, you can do a written analysis of problematic situations - gradually it will become a habit and you will do it mentally.

Get rid of envy

People envy only one thing - happiness. This can take any material or intangible form, but the essence is one thing - everyone wants to be happy. The problem is that there is no universal secret to happiness. People think that if they have something to envy, they will automatically become happy, but this does not happen.

For example, some provincial residents dream of moving to Moscow, and when they succeed, they realize that there was no happiness, and maybe there are even more problems. This happens because it's about them, and not about where they live or anything else. For example, it turns out that a person simply did not have enough work to his liking in his hometown. Due to internal problems, he could not understand what his calling was.

Act

Self-acceptance does not mean that a person should not change anything about himself. On the contrary, a lot will have to be changed and broken. Self-hypnosis and compliments alone won’t get you far; you need to back it up with actions. For example, volunteering will help a person regain a sense of self-worth. And getting rid of bad habits will strengthen your self-confidence. Developing the inclinations invested by nature will help you achieve success in your profession. Expanding your horizons will allow you to become an interesting interlocutor. And all this in general will help increase self-esteem.

Accept the possibility of error

Fear of error is associated with dependence on public opinion, fear of punishment, decision-making and responsibility. You need to understand that you only have one life and only you have the right to manage it. To obey someone or to live to please someone means not to live at all. And finally allow yourself not only to live according to your desires, but also to gain personal experience. And this is impossible without mistakes - we learn from them.

Accept your appearance

First, find a famous person on the Internet who has a similar external feature to you, and study her life story. For example, for many curvy women, Ekaterina Skulkina became an idol and motivator. Her weight and shape are not just a feature. This is her feature and one of the components of her popularity.

However, note that self-acceptance also includes self-care. For example, if doctors say that you need to lose weight, then you need to do it. It is also important to exercise, take care of your skin, and eat a balanced diet at any weight.

In general, learn to take care of yourself and think about what makes each of your external features attractive.

Important! Self-acceptance has nothing to do with laziness and a person’s indifferent attitude towards himself.

Work with moral qualities

The main moral qualities include: honesty, sincerity, truthfulness, integrity, self-criticism, conscientiousness, loyalty to one’s convictions and duty. It's easier to appreciate and respect yourself when you have all this in you. Develop these qualities in yourself.

Please note that you need to demonstrate them not only in relationships with others, but also in relationships with yourself. When was the last time you were honest with yourself? Do you have an unshakable system of principles and beliefs? Do you know what you won't tolerate in a relationship with yourself? It's time to decide on all this.

How to learn to accept and why it is important

This is the first article in a series about acceptance and how to learn to accept yourself and the circumstances in life.

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