Is jealousy good or bad?

Human feelings and emotions are so complex and multifaceted that they often give rise to a real storm, in which it is difficult to discern what is good and what is bad. For example, love is a pure and tender feeling that is associated with care, attention, affection, and worship. But next to love often comes jealousy - a burning and obsessive feeling that gives rise to anger, hatred, contempt, and a feeling of humiliation.

Jealousy can mar almost any relationship. But most of all it manifests itself when a person is very much in love. At the same time, it is not at all necessary that the object of jealousy actually gives rise to vile suspicions. Psychologists have devoted more than one study to jealousy. But no one can tell you definitively whether jealousy is good or bad.

Jealousy on the part of the weak

Psychologists classify jealousy in love relationships according to the type of personality it comes from. It is customary to distinguish between jealousy generated by weakness and jealousy on the part of a tyrant. The first type of jealousy is experienced by people with low self-esteem. They consider themselves unworthy, worthless, so they are afraid of losing their “soul mate.” After all, there are so many more attractive, more successful, more interesting people around! But it should be noted that weak people rarely express their dissatisfaction and show jealousy in any aggressive way. In this case, severe destruction occurs within the very personality of the jealous person.

Types of jealousy

In psychology, the concept of jealousy is classified into 2 types:

1. Normal jealousy is a feeling of doubt in a partner that arises when there is a proven fact of treason, or when adultery is suspected due to the behavior of the partner.
2. Pathological jealousy is a chronic paranoid delusional psychosis that develops as a result of the influence of negative internal and external factors of a jealous personality.

Normal jealousy that arises in relationships between young people or spouses is divided into the following types according to the nature of its manifestations:

1. Possessive . This type is associated with the fear of losing a loved one. Provoking factors are usually: betrayal, pronounced flirting with another person, separation, cooling of the partner’s feelings.
2. From infringement. It manifests itself in melancholic people, people with high levels of anxiety and low self-esteem. It can be provoked more by the jealous person’s own anxiety and suspiciousness than by external factors. Due to low self-esteem, a person obviously imagines worse developments in relationships in the future, which provokes a groundless attack of doubt in his partner.
3. Tyrannical . Occurs in people who are complacent, stubborn, and emotionally cold. Such individuals show inflated demands on their partner, trying to subjugate him or re-educate him. Jealousy arises due to the lack of subordination of a loved one and his cooling in an intimate sense, and the jealous person sees the guilt in his partner, and not in his own despotic behavior.
4. Grafted . Develops as a result of the influence of life experience, after suffering betrayal from loved ones. In new relationships, such people begin to deliberately test their partner, finding fault with every little thing.
5. Converted . A person begins to suspect his partner of infidelity if he himself has committed adultery or is close to adultery. Such people begin to groundlessly accuse their loved one.

Usually jealousy exists in mixed types, for example, tyrannical is combined with converted, etc.

Normal jealousy can become chronic, gradually turning into paranoia.

Tyrannical jealousy

This type of jealousy usually accompanies relationships in which one of the partners is the owner and experiences consumer feelings for his chosen one or chosen one. For this type of people there is no such thing as another person's freedom or the right to choose. Therefore, jealousy flares up whenever the tyrant feels that his partner has distracted himself from him and switched his attention to something or someone else.

In addition to jealousy by personality type, jealousy by gender is also distinguished, that is, jealousy of a man and jealousy of a woman.

To be jealous – what does that mean?

various emotions and states take place :

• anxiety,
• anger,
• despair,
• hatred,
• envy,
• revenge,
• passion.

A jealous person is tormented by his own suspicions and torments his loved one with reproaches and mistrust . Moreover, the stronger the feelings, the more intense the manifestations of mistrust.

Zealous manifestations are contradictory: at the same time, feelings for a loved one intensify, his positive qualities are revealed on the other side, but at the same time, reproaches, mistrust and doubt increase.

Jealousy, judgment or lifestyle? About the reasons in this video:

Man's jealousy

Men's priority is a woman's physical fidelity. In other words, usually a man’s “red light” comes on only when strange men touch his woman or “pull their paws.” Conversations, smiles, hints - all this remains beyond male perception and usually does not become a reason for jealousy. But such little things as a given coat, a frank look, a handshake - all this can cause a serious scandal.

In order to decide whether jealousy in a relationship is good or bad, you need to pay attention to important psychological differences in the behavior of men and women. Men experience jealousy much more acutely because they are not prone to violent expression of momentary feelings. Tension and rage accumulate in them from time to time until an explosion of tremendous power occurs. Insecure men suffering from an inferiority complex and problems with self-esteem are prone to minor quarrels, reproaches and constant scandals. Boys raised in an atmosphere of unconditional love and maximum attention grow up to be incredibly jealous. They are used to getting everything they want without extra effort and transfer this model of failure in adulthood to relationships with women.

Often men mistakenly assess the behavior of their chosen one and use jealousy where it is inappropriate. For example, some representatives of the stronger half take a woman’s increased attention to her figure, appearance, and makeup as a desire to please someone specific, but not him. That is, if a woman takes care of herself, it means she is cheating. Sometimes women dress up for work, but on weekends they are in no hurry to “spoil up.” This only confirms the suspicions of some husbands that their wife is having an affair at work. After all, on weekdays she strives to be a beauty, and when she doesn’t need to go to work, she doesn’t even think about preening herself. Obviously, because there is no reason for this. In fact, a woman just wants to take a break from the daily beauty marathon and be natural. The following can be recommended to men in such situations: do not think about what is not there. If your woman stays with you on the weekends, then this is exactly what she wants.

Men's and women's

Jealousy is more characteristic of the male half of humanity, and it arises most often due to the cooling of the spouse in an intimate sense, or in the case of a provable fact of treason.

Men are more sensitive to the intimate side of relationships, and any failure in this regard is painfully felt by them. Since the male sex is rarely ready to realize his mistakes, he does not look for the reason in himself, but shifts the blame for what happened onto the woman , beginning to suspect her of adultery.

Male jealousy is characterized by manifestations of aggression, expressed in reproaches and insults, and even physical injury.

A woman’s jealousy arises on an internal, sometimes intuitive level. If the fact of infidelity is unproven, she may become suspicious if the husband is late at work or talks with a female colleague.

If the fact of betrayal is proven, the woman experiences the situation deeply and falls into despair or depression.

Read about how to raise a man's self-esteem here.

Woman's jealousy

The reasons for female jealousy often lie on a slightly different plane than the reasons for the same feeling in men. But women suffer from jealousy no less often than representatives of the stronger sex.

Most often, women suffer from jealousy not physically, but emotionally. That is, ladies begin to worry even when their man has just looked at or talked to another. And constant conversations, frequent conversations, common interests with another woman will lead any lady into the state of an angry Othello. Women forgive physical betrayal much more simply and easily than emotional betrayal, although the former inflicts no less painful wounds on them. At the same time, the phenomenon of “emotional betrayal” is completely unclear to men. For them, there is nothing special about free communication with other women. On this basis, scandals and misunderstandings often occur in couples.

Female jealousy has many manifestations. For example, at the very beginning of a relationship, ladies strive to completely conquer their partner. They do everything so that his thoughts, actions, actions 24 hours a day are directed only at them. Any step to the side becomes a reason for jealousy and scandal. Usually in normal relationships this behavior goes away over time.

Another common situation: a woman lives in suspicion about the fidelity of her chosen one. This manifestation of jealousy is characterized by checking phones, checking time, checking the road, etc. But all this becomes the cause of even greater tension, as it constantly feeds unpleasant thoughts. A woman suffering from jealousy can misunderstand even the most innocent situation. The reason for such jealousy lies in banal self-doubt.

Despite the fact that a seemingly faithful man has nothing to hide and such behavior of his wife should not stress him out, these situations always spoil the relationship. Firstly, any suspicion for a faithful man will be insulting and humiliating. Secondly, a woman who is constantly under tension is unlikely to be a pleasant interlocutor or lover. In some couples, the situation reaches the point of absurdity when the man’s thoughtfulness becomes a reason for jealousy. Women who seriously suffer from an inferiority complex may believe that at this time the man dreams of other ladies.

Selfishness is another common cause of female jealousy. Some ladies forget that next to them is a living person with his own interests. Therefore, a scandal can break out over a meeting with friends or a football match. If such behavior does not go away after several months of relationship, then this union is doomed to a bad ending. In this situation, a woman should think about why it is so important for her to have a man nearby? Maybe she just has nothing better to do? Maybe her life has turned into walking in circles from work to home to her loved one. A bright, interesting hobby, communication with friends, and entertainment will help you break the vicious circle and get rid of jealousy.

Concept and psychology

Jealousy is, first of all, distrust of a partner , and it can arise as a result of any proven reasons or develop completely groundlessly.

This feeling sometimes defies logical explanation .

There are cases where jealousy manifested itself in relation to a person who is no longer alive, or developed in connection with slander, despite the impeccable behavior of the partner.

Psychologists consider jealousy to be the norm, as a reaction to the proven fact of a partner’s betrayal. Also, distrust or doubt in relation to the other half, provoked by the following factors :

1. Long-term conflicts in couples.
2. Praising strangers in the eyes of a partner.
3. Disdainful attitude of spouses towards each other.
4. Decreased sexual activity, sexual disharmony.
5. Forced temporary separation (business trips, trips, etc.).

Normal jealousy can be a temporary reaction to the actions of a partner, or exist for a long time, or be a character trait of a person, accompanying him throughout his life.

Normal jealousy is proportionate to real circumstances : the fact of betrayal, coquetry with a stranger, forced separation, etc.

If the feeling of mistrust transforms into a delusional idea and becomes chronic, we are talking about the development of a mental illness. The idea of ​​suspicion occupies a dominant position in the patient's mind.

He constantly sorts things out with his other half, becomes groundlessly suspicious , and visualizes in his head pictures of his partner’s betrayal.

Against the background of delusional syndrome, emotional excitability occurs, appetite worsens, psychosomatic symptoms develop: weakness, headache, tachycardia.

Pathological jealousy in the absence of psychotherapeutic help always leads to disastrous outcomes: severe physical injury, suicide, murder of a partner or “suspected” rival.

The problem of jealousy. About jealousy as a disease in this video:

Sibling rivalry

Speaking about childhood jealousy, it is difficult to answer the question: is jealousy good or bad and why? After all, the reason for this feeling in children is based on competition for the approval and attention of their parents. And among the most typical manifestations of jealousy are whims, disobedience, and aggression. This behavior may indicate that the child simply does not have enough attention or communication, and he has found this way to get what he needs.

We must immediately make a reservation that jealousy is an inevitable feeling for children in families where more than one child is growing up. But it always manifests itself in different ways, to varying degrees. Some people sometimes ask for one more goodnight kiss, while others literally don’t give their parents a minute of peace, constantly arguing, swearing and crying.

Causes

Where does jealousy come from? The causes of male and female jealousy are somewhat diverse, which is due to physiological gender characteristics .

A man becomes jealous of a woman for the following reasons:

• intra-family: conflicts, cooling of the partner during sexual intercourse,
• everyday: long separations, a woman’s playful conversations about possible betrayal, flirting with another,
• environmental: alcoholism, emotional exhaustion,
• slander of the spouse by other persons,
• proven treason.

Men susceptible to instinctive impulses than women. They want to dominate sexuality, decide the fate of their chosen one, and lead her. They can be jealous of their loved one even towards her former partners.

Women are characterized by an instinct of submission. They begin to be jealous of their man because they are afraid of losing him.

In the case of male infidelity, a woman finds the main culprit in the person of her mistress and is ready not only to forgive and return to her husband, but also to regard her return as a victory.

Manifestations of jealousy in women can be provoked by factors such as:

1. Proven fact of betrayal of a loved one in the present or past.
2. A man's flirting with members of the opposite sex.
3. A man’s sudden attention to his appearance: wearing perfume, going to the gym.
4. Decreased attention from the partner.

Women are inclined, even in the absence of adultery, to complain to their friends about his infidelity.

Where does jealousy come from?

Jealousy is the product of various factors or their combination. The most important component of jealousy is the need to receive attention and love from the object towards which jealousy is directed. But strong negative emotions lead to the destruction of positive feelings. You need to appreciate what you have. And jealousy will always demand more and more.

The second component of jealousy is selfishness. When a person has never been denied anything and has been brought up as the center of the Universe, it is difficult for him to understand and share other people’s interests, needs and points of view. Being in a relationship with such a person is not easy, because he will have to prove and explain for a long time why it is important to keep in touch with loved ones and friends, why you need to communicate with colleagues, why you need to take care of yourself.

How to overcome jealousy?

The fight against jealousy should be comprehensive, aimed at eliminating the causes that lie in the personality and temperament of the jealous person. In a specific situation, when jealousy overwhelms you, you can use exercises. For example, write down on a piece of paper all the accumulated reasons for jealousy, from the most acute to the least painful. Then you need to analyze each item and experience all the feelings associated with it. Perhaps this will help you take an unbiased look at the situation that caused jealousy and understand that there is nothing reprehensible in it. After the second reading, many reasons for jealousy will lose all meaning and will no longer cause pain.